eugy45:


that's not true not same story line, jus dah we all know its horrror and ul definitely get to see d werewolfs nd vampires
am not even a big fan of vampire, i love bloody horror like ''evil dead''

are you calling me a liar?!
my friend kneel down there

Well, I don't know if horror is the best genre but its certainly the laziest. All horror movies have the same storyline,the same plot even the same concept they hardly try anything new:
-if you are a vampire, you'll never look scary
-if you are a werewolf, you'll be poorly made
-if you are a mansion you will be haunted by ghosts of some evil dude that cursed the house and sacrificed himself on the land
- if you are a little child you'll have an imaginary friend who is actually one of the dangerous ghosts that want to hurt your family
-if you are a parent, you will be possessed by evil spirit and made to murder your family
-if you are a pet, you are gonna die
I mean its so bad that sometimes you can't even tell them apart

sam mendes
This tasteless pre-title sequence was brought to you courtesy of heinekein beer cartons shoved at the camera during the bike chase, audi sedan ola rapace official get away vehicle,land rover daniel craig and naomi harris official chase vehicle,cat digger and VW beetles well arranged for daniels forced train stunt and daniel craig's watch which was zoomed at for no reason
adele
*singing* I set fire to the rain
sam mendes
I wish! no we aren't doing fire to the rain we are doing some gay empty content song about NOTHING
adele
So what should the lyrics be?
sam mendes
Just say anything from the top of your head
adele
Well ahem skyfall,crumble,stand tall and face it all
sam mendes
Wow that sounds like lyrics someone wrote to get money for weed! I like it sing it like 50 times more I bet the audience will totally dig it
narrator
next judi dench on the losing team is summoned into the board room where somebody will get fired
ralph fiennes
Hey judi have a sit so what happened why did one hitman f*ck up the whole of MI6? Escaping with our tired old NOC file plot 3 months ago
judi dench
Don't really know what jumps out of what you just said is it the donald trump apprentice reference this scene has or that an NOC file was on a dude's computer or that it took place 3 months ago and you are just hounding me about it now
ralph fiennes
Choose two people to come into the board room with you
judi dench
I choose john logan and naomi harris
Because the beginning of this movie was terribly written and knowing john logan I say this is another star wars disaster waiting to happen, then naomi harris because she is boring and obnoxious
ralph fiennes
Well I'm not firing john logan because he abides by hollywood's lazy traditions and I won't fire naomi harris because she is in this movie but as for you, you nagged them all the way in istanbul and rather than having naomi describe the assailant you suspended her judi dench you are fired!
judi dench
Well tough t*tty I don't have a deputy or an understudy of any sort so I shall keep being M till I'm tired
ralph fiennes
Fair enough
narrator
judi dench gets into her car and starts pouting like a 2 year old
rory kinear
Er........ma'am someones hacking your office workstation computer
judi dench
;DHaha very funny..........you are kidding right? Hacking MI6 workstations computers? Is that possible?
rory kinear
Whoever is doing so is trying to gain access to the codes that unlock the NOC file 3months after the file was stolen
judi dench
Really? So that code isn't destroyed or something? Anyway rather than rerouting the signals and tracking our hacker let's shut down my work station computer
narrator
they shut down their computers and the MI6 building blows up
judi dench
okay that's not good
rory kinear
you think?
narrator
next we see daniel having sex in a cabana rather than I don't know.............say a hospital with every bone in his body broken
daniel craig
Hey guys I totally survived that ordeal don't even bother asking how I survived or whether I visited a hospital or rehab centre as a matter of fact I simply just got up, dusted myself and went to the nearest pub. Anyway once again I'm a tormented soul like I was in quantum of solace only this time I'm tormented for no reason and rather than showing signs of depression like weight loss and insomnia like in quantum of solace, I shall walk around frowning
Like I just sucked a d*ck.......n*ked the whole time of course I bet the gay dudes in the audience will enjoy this, time to take my pain killers that I got from the billion literate doctors on this totally remote island then head unto the bar to get hammered with a scorpion on my hand- Pouting scene brought to you courtesy of heineken
narrator
he totally does so which makes no sense and goes to show just how poorly sam mendes understands comedy , next we see him pouting again at a bar, he is about to get sh*t faced again when a CNN news bulletin appears on TV
daniel craig
O_o okay am i supposed to believe that this totally remote island has cable?
CNN dude
MI6 office was attacked today and 6 people got killed in the cyber attack don't ask me how we know that a gas explosion was caused by a computer because in this movie, plot details are on holiday
judi dench
Er......actually its 8 people c'mon man I know the movie sucks but can't everyone just try to give a f*ck?- this convenient scene was brought to you courtesy of CNN
narrator
next in london we see a very confusing conversation take place between a judi dench who was initially typing daniel craig's obituary and daniel craig who was supposed to be stuck on an island without money or travel papers, How did he even magically show up in her apartment?
daniel craig
Hello, judi
judi dench
Oh hello daniel
daniel craig
You seem awfully calm considering that a trained killer and an disgruntled former employee has come back from the dead and broken into your house
judi dench
*rolling eyes* alright fine how are you daniel? How did you survive the istanbul ordeal?
daniel craig
How do you survive in this totally unsecured house with no bodyguards?
judi dench
No seriously how did you survive getting shot twice falling from such heights and drowning? Come on are you seriously not going to explain that? C'mon a lot of stories are going unexplained in this movie, Expose department can you help?
sam mendes
Oh we totally fired those guys so we would just have to take actions without any explaning
daniel craig
I want back into the secret service game
judi dench
With a drinking problem and an impending arrest for breaking and entering? Screw that
daniel craig

judi dench
Ok show up at the office and take some meaningless tests that would prove you are fit for field work now go take a shower
daniel craig
Ok I'll go home and change
judi dench
*in sexy voice* did I say go home and change? we totally sold your flat and donated your clothes to salvation army, its office policy, we sell your sh*t after three months even though we never found your body to prove your death
daniel craig
Fine I'll find a hotel and change
judi dench
Well you're bloody not sleeping here or are you? Going to run a shower incase you are interested
daniel craig
(Holds back barf) meaningless scene brought to you courtesy of jack daniels or whatever the f*ck I was drinking when M walked in
narrator
next we see bond being driven to the office and along the way we are treated to some magic tricks sam mendes and his moronic cinematographer perform as the car behind the SUV turns from an alfa romero, to a jaguar and finally a mercedes like f*ck! This movie is just a 2:25minute tv commercial
daniel craig
Er why are we going underground?
rory kinear
Gas explosion at our office
daniel craig
I bet it was clara she is always forgetting to turn off the stove when she is cooking
rory kinear
No actually someone hacked into MI6 network and caused a gas leak
daniel craig
He did that with a computer? You mean our gas cooker is hooked up to the internet?
rory kinear
Yea we know its st*pid just go with it
narrator
next daniel craig sucks at shooting, sucks at pull ups , sucks at cardio exercises and totally has the mind of a murderous, psychotic, pervert with mommy issues
daniel craig
damn! I've been doing spy work for at least 6 years and all it takes is 3 months for me to suck so much?
sam mendes
we are going to be doing a tasteless comeback that no one will notice later in the movie
daniel craig
Hey analyst dude I just totally dug this bullet out of my shoulder analyze it hopefully only three people use it and ola rapaace will be one of them
analyst dude
Ew! You did that yourself? What about calling a hospital?Do you have something against hospitals? Why did you dig it out yourself what if you severed a nerve or a ligament or a tissue?
daniel craig
A doctor r*ped me when I was a kid and it scarred me for life that's why I don't do doctors besides the gay fans in the audience were waiting for another shirtless scene
rory kinear
This is a uranium plated bullets which brings up the question of why you aren't dead from blood poisoning yet? Anyway we traced it and you are right this bullet is so rear its used by only three people in th whole word I don't get it if the bullet doesn't sell and are so expensive to make why do they keep making it ? Are you ripping off the tagged bill tracking scene in quantum of solace?
daniel craig
That's him over there(points at ola rapaace on the screen)
rory kinear
Oops ola rapaace is a ghost he only comes out when he wants to, you don't find him he finds you...............(2seconds later) ok here is the latest from his agenda flight to hongkong to kill a dude we have the flight seat number his shoe size his hair colour the sounds of his fart we have everything lousy ghost
Daniel craig
How did we know about this?
rory kinear
We have a few friends in the CIA who want him dead or alive for the murder of their ambassador to yemen
daniel craig
Er isn't this the time where I meet with felix leiter or dwayne or even jinx I mean we don't want th CIA to look like people who f*ck their agency over important information
rory kinear
Nope no contacts, a computer is just right thank you daniel we couldn't have done this without you
daniel craig
Seriously That guy fired like a billion bullets in istanbul couldn't you at least pick one and analyze it? *smh*
naomi harris
hello daniel, hey guys just breezed in to say I still exist
daniel craig
What are you doing here?
naomi harris
I'm going to be mallory's secretary during the transition *GIANT WINK*
daniel craig
How does that even relate? You were stationed in istanbul how did you come to be a secretary shouldn't they have to hire a real secretary if ralph fiennes needs one?
naomi harris
I got suspended because I shot you
daniel craig
Oh so friendly fires are now an offence? *rolling eyes* oh sam why didn't you even read a spy manual before shooting this? Almost looks like you are making this up as you go
naomi harris
Well its temporary though cause I shall be returning to the field soon
daniel craig
Really? But you are an african woman your place is either in a mans kitchen or behind a computer in front of a white man's office. Not in the field
naomi harris
Wow daniel just broke the misogynist record but luckily that's part of my totally lame character development so I'll let it slide
judi dench
Ok daniel I'm sending you to hong kong go there and await further instructions
ralph fiennes
Are you kidding? You are sending daniel? Not only did he fail all his tests , has a severe alchohol and substance addiction he is also the last guy ola rapaace saw in istanbul and will totally recognize him a mile away, this man needs rehab not reinstatement
judi dench
Well unfortunately 009 and 006 are on holiday besides this is the first film where we have to force james bond to be relevant its daniels time to shine
ralph fiennes
Ok will we be sending a tact team to assist him in extracting ola rapaace?
judi dench
F*ck that its daniels time to shine
daniel craig
Leave my mom alo.........ahem! I mean hire me or fire me its your choice
judi dench
Aw kuchi ku does baby want me to tickle his stomach? Baby wants ugly bull dog statue on my table? Don't worry I shall put it in my will
ralp fiennes
(Face palms)
To be continued.............

Dedicated to the next bond film SPECTRE PLEASE DON'T SUCK

narrator
daniel craig bursts into a hotel? Safe house? Office? Residential apartment? don't ask cause it is that kind of movie
He finds some dead friends? Or foes? Littered around the room and a bald dude who has been shot? Stabbed? Hapooned? well I guess no one answers questions anymore anyway he is bleeding on the couch

judi dench
Daniel come in daniel hi guys we are totally receiving commentary in london from istanbul turkey
daniel craig
We are in comm? Are you in turkey?
judi dench
No we are in london
daniel craig
haha very funny.............really? We are actually communicating so clearly? when we are thousands of miles apart
judi dench
Perhaps we have a secret bunker relaying our signals or something
daniel craig
And turkish security agents are fine with this or are we just going to act like they don't exist? How did I even get here? I'm I just coming from london?
judi dench
Have you seen it?
daniel craig
Seen what?
judi dench
*rolling eyes* just search the room and tell me what you see
daniel craig
Well there is a computer here with no hard drive in it don't get it why didn't they just steal the whole laptop instead?
judi dench
Sh*t its gone
daniel craig
There's a man mortally wounded man here rather than sweep the place and clear away all MI6 effects, I shall fruitlessly try to stabilize him
judi dench
What? F*ck that man, go hop into an SUV waiting outside for you with a hot nameless chick in it
daniel craig
did you say hot chick? sorry bleeding dude at least I tried
narrator
daniel craig hops into an SUV with a ridiculously hot non-spy material naomi harris whose character name is with held for reasons
naomi harris
Are you okay
daniel craig
Suit..........too tight...........can't breath.........cut off circulation...........turning purple
naomi harris
why are you wearing a suit when its a hundred degrees outside aren't we supposed to be spies? You are supposed to be like f*cking "waldo" not an elephant in the room *rolling eyes*
sam mendes
well I intend to objectify the f*ck out of daniel craig for our gay fans in the audience you think this is bad, I got like 6 random scenes of daniel craig n*de for no reason
naomie harris
O_o Anyway ,the man who attacked the bleeding dude from earlier is in a getaway car ten steps away from us
daniel craig
what?! And you didn't go after him or shoot him?
naomi harris
Wanted to engage him in a car chase but now that you think of it, that's pretty st*pid
narrator
they engage in a tasteless car chase
judi dench
Hey guys we are sending turkish paramedics to the scene to discover our MI6 agent and f*ck up our operation
daniel craig
don't bother he's probably dead by now
which raises the question of why I didn't just finish off quickly rather than leaving him to die a painful slow death?
naomi harris
Is he that bad?
daniel craig
yea he was totally f*cked I'm upset that my colleague is dead(2seconds later) ok I'm fine time to make one of the most offensive and misogynist jokes ever INSULT A WOMANS DRIVING because apparently the misogynist bond is back f*ck my character development in the previous movies.
naomi harris
Hey daniel our cars are side by side you have a clear shot at his head take it
daniel craig
don't tell me what to do
narrator
instead daniel in his infinite wisdom, grabs the wheel from naomi(another misogynist gesture by the way) and swings his SUV against the assailants vechicle and watches as the car crashes and stops, just enough time for the ola rapaace to get out a bizarre looking gun to engage daniel in a tasteless gun battle
naomi harris
Daniel draw his fire so I can have room to take him out
daniel craig
I got a better idea, I hop out of the SUV and shoot 7 bullets at all the fruits in the market place so that we can give way for a tasteless roof top chase scene
naomi harris
Your service pistol has just seven bullets per cartridge?
daniel craig
Well I guess bullets are according to the assemblers discretion cause the next cartridge has 8 bullets and during some court house shootout we shall have later in the movie I shall fire 19 bullets straight without changing cartridges
naomi harris
That's the laziest continuity error I've ever heard of
narrator
they insult our intelligence by showing us a roof top chase with Goddamn motorcycles like a f*cking george clooney batman movie
Meanwhile naomi wrecks the whole of istanbul but no one gives a sh*t not the police not the passers by and certainly not the car owners whose cars she wrecked
naomi harris
So the police can flag us down for over speeding but they don't show up when we are terrorizing their populace? For christs sake I just shot bullets over the heads of people who happened to not be scared by the way
narrator
ola rapaace hops off his bike and untop a train no literarily he is totally untop of the train because that's how coincidences work in hollywood
naomi harris
Oh come on doesn't this guy stay still? Why is he on a train?
daniel craig
(Riding a bike deliberately into a bridge railing when he could easily just jump off the Bridge like ola rapace did)
To give way for a tasteless train fight scene
judi dench
Daniel what's going on?naomi what's going on? Our satellite cannot move any further and we are off comm with daniel(thanks to poor story telling we don't know if its a technical difficulty or if he is deliberately ignoring me) however we can communicate with you just fine
naomi harris
Why?
judi dench
So we can engage shock value, "tasteless" shock value
narrator
both super assassins keep firing at air and tractors and many items except either of them
daniel craig
Damn it I'm out of ammo, hmmmn(tosses his gun away so turkish security forces shall find evidence that MI6 agents were present during what clearly looks like a terrorist attack) what to do?
What to do?
judi dench
What's going on agent ?
naomi harris
This is agent reporting from the totally convenient side track beside the CGI train, Er....daniel is turing a digger around and oh surprise surprise he just got shot in the shoulder
daniel craig
Actually I should have been shot to f*ck right now but because its a hollywood movie, a convenient shoulder wound is just fine
ola rapace
oh that's right I should just detach the train
audience
wouldn't that stop the train as well as alert the driver of the train to what's going on?
ola rapace
Not in this movie
naomi harris
Ok now daniel craig is crushing some VW beetles and he has ploughed the f*ck out of the train ripping its back off and it looks like he is balancing himself for a jump
ola rapace
This could have been a good time to shoot you in the face but luckily I'm out of ammo(walks away)
narrator
then daniel hops off a digger and into the train like
daniel craig
I don't really know what jumps out in this stunt, is it the lame hopping off a moving digger into a moving train or the fact that my adjust cufflinks reaction was childish as well as fake or that the passengers are just staring at me like I took a huge sh*t in public rather than flipping the f*ck out?
naomi harris
Now daniel has hopped into the train and climbed out to the top of the train and he is now trading punches with the other dude in on a speeding train rather than just shoving him off the train, fancy that
judi dench
Gimme details I need details
naomi harris
Well they've thrown like a hundred punches and kicks and they keep falling back and forward but no one is actually falling over the train cause the top of the train is that wide o crap my convenient road has ended, time to take out a long range rifle that I should have given a shot at the bridge when ola rapace was by himself and I shall now take a risky shot when he is not alone
judi dench
Oh my God should I trust an experienced agent who is the closest to the hostile and who has a higher chance of recovering our whatever the f*ck file? Or should I depend on a 50/50 shot from an inexperienced agent who couldn't even shoot a guy at close range? Oh God the dilemma
audience
This is a no brainer you can call turkish police to intercept an armless criminal at the train station , you can scramble helicopters to track the train seeing as its a long distance train or you could just trust daniel to finish the job
judi dench
can't you see I'm trying to be in a dilemma here? Alright naomi take the shot
audience
Isn't daniel going to at least get out of the way? I mean he can hear them just fine right?
judi dench
Take the bloody shot
naomi harris
I've taken the shot oops! Seems I hit daniel no just daniel the other guy is fine and right now rather than taking a shot at him I'm staring at him and hoping he will die of guilt or something
narrator
[b]with a bullet in his shoulder and a bullet in his rib daniel falls about 500 feet to his death......... just kidding he is totally rescued by mermaids and fed a bunch of sea weeds and sand till recovery, bond shall return after the fat lady sings ( no pun intended)
To be continued.......

No I don't think its laziness, it is lack of opportunity and I blame it on the shallow minds,greed and incompetence of our so called leaders who are supposed to provide these opportunities by forcing the ideas into our heads as well as putting the tools in our hands.........














just kidding your boss is totally right! If you are poor, you deserve to be

LMAyedun:
The Sudanese authorities have denied 26 Nigerians entry into their country over suspicion that they were possibly infected by the dreaded Ebola Virus Disease, one of those repatriated has told PREMIUM TIMES.

Hauwa’u Ibrahim Bakori, a second year student of Pharmacy at Al Ahfad University for Women, Omdurman, said she and 25 others were denied entry after arriving Khartoum Airport on Wednesday.

They were detained, and then deported to Nigeria on Thursday, Ms. Bakori said.
Ms Bakori is in her second year at the Sudanese university and had travelled to Nigeria on holidays.

The Nigerians had travelled to Khartoum via an Ethiopian Airline flight ET 910 from Abuja on Wednesday, travelling via Addis Ababa.

But on arrival in Khartoum, authorities seized their passports, and arranged boarding passes for them to return to Nigeria.

They were sent back to the Nigerian capital via the same Ethiopian Airline on Thursday.

They were not tested for Ebola, Ms. Bakori said.

The Sudanese government took the measure even though the World Health Organisation declared Nigeria free of Ebola since October 20.

The Sudanese authorities and the Nigerian foreign ministry could not be reached to comment for this story at this time.

In declaring Nigeria Ebola-free, the global health body had said Nigeria completed an extended 42 –day observation period and called the country’s ability to contain a deadly virus a “spectacular success”.

“The lines on the tabular situation reports, sent to WHO each day by its country office in Nigeria, have now been full of zeros for 42 days,” WHO said in a statement October 20.

“This is a spectacular success story that shows that Ebola can be contained. The story of how Nigeria ended what many believed to be potentially the most explosive Ebola outbreak imaginable is worth telling in detail.”

Ebola was imported to Nigeria by a Liberian-American man, Patrick Sawyer, July 20.

Mr. Sawyer arrived in Lagos and infected medical staff who attended to him after he fell ill at the airport.
Nigeria recorded 19 cases of the virus, out of which seven died, among them doctors and nurses.

Nigeria has not recorded a new case since October 2, and it is not clear why Sudan acted the way it did.

http://www.premiumtimesng.com/news/173139-breaking-sudan-deports-46-nigerians-over-ebola-fears.html

So sudan sef dey deport person hmmn nigerians wetin una dey find for sudan? *SMH*

bidex:
Please I need your candid advise and assistance on this baffling issue that bothers me since.

There was this girl that helps me in the office to buy things here and there on daily basis, just like an office assistant.

One thing led to another and we did adult things that ends up with pregnancy.

I'm confused here and don't know what to do.

Please help me out.

Break it down to her like this:
Honey I've got good news and I've got bad news
Bad news:
I cheated on you and got a girl pregnant
Good news:
I was thinking about you the whole time

YorubaJesus:
What is he trying to prove. Take that more to charity homes, prisons, hospitals, beggers on the streets etc

yinmu! The people wey catch the money nko?
Why dem no gather the money go give charity?

falseman:
Fools in the government. Is that what they call stability? They should keep fighting to stabilize $1 to N1

Ose! Oya "john maynard keynes", go to CBN and
tell them how its done

aceTS:

lol severee, I just love ur original post. im not a fan of ben affleck, but after ur write up, i ve decided to watch d movie. hoped I can get past my dislike for ben.
gosh I just remembered Tyler Perry is in too! watching dis movie is going to be hard o! becos I took an oath a while back never to watch that self righteous pr*ck ever. I think i'll take a pass on dis movie.don't think I can survive ben n tyler at d same time

good choice! its just another "girl with the dragon tattoo" kind of movie

mrmagoo:


Bullshit of the century do you know how much hollywood movies make?
They are advancing into 3D and HDMI while nollywood is still shooting movies with their camera phones abeg there's no basis for comparison guy go wash your face its obvious you are still dreaming

That's what I just said. Nevertheless, both industries suffer from
-bad/ recycled stories
-cliched plots
-bad casting directing
And some times even bad acting
Do you agree or do you need one of severee's famous epistles that drives people crazy?

Guykhena:


[size=11pt][font=Georgia]
Anyway use "Mobitvshows.tk"..

Thanx

wow! So lightening strikes a dude and he gets abs/ super speed instead of turning into crisp?

Abeg where I fit download the flash?
Please help me out

I want to ruin it for a friend
I will also appreciate if you could help with that boring show the arrow I heard it has a 3rd season. I wan laff small
Thanks

mrmagoo:

I know your type"because you no get money buy beer you go talk say e too bitter" the movie gone girl is deeper than your shallow write up makes it up to be. Once again, you don't understand the movie why don't you go and watch nollywood's crap that you IQ can carry

you know apart from the market and quality in production, hollywood and nollywood are actually the same so why the unnecessary bashing?

mrmagoo:

But it is not funny, the jokes do not stick and it is obvious that he does not understand the movie and hence resorts to spreading his ignorance all over the forum in a bid to be "funny" abeg stop encouraging him

Pele o mr informed,
its alright to like a crappy movie na. There are like a thousand crappy movies that I've come to really like and these movies are so bad, they don't even have stories but I them it all the same. Take heart

fadjnr:




mehn that seven pound was real sad o.

and weird enough that's even the campiest movie on the list

neil patrick harris
I don't think this is a good idea I mean you are all over the news plus you planted evidence to frame your husband if you get caught, they will take me down with you
rosamund pike
aw I thought you loved me
neil patrick harris
Of course I still love you its just been about 20 years since I last saw you because love doesn't have an off switch you know what? I shall be happy to hide you at my lake house and it's totally safe because there are cameras everywhere
rosamund pike
What id*ot places cctv cameras around his lake house
david finch
That's just my misguided way of communicating with the audience that neil patrick harris character is pretty rich in this movie
audience
smooth
narrator
they go over to neil's house just in time to watch america's new favourite show which is "CHOP THOSE BALLS" hosted by ben affleck

ben affleck
Hey rosamund I totally love you I know I haven't been a good husband I've been a total jerk but now I'm sorry and I want you to come back home
emilly ratjakowski
I'm ben's side chick I'm sorry
tyler perry
Hi guys!
audience
And who are you supposed to be?
tyler perry
I'm ben affleck's lawyer
audience
A man killed his wife and stashed her body and you are f*cking defending him? How do you sleep at night?
Tyler perry
No actually I'm a special type of lawyer who defends husbands that kill their wives only
audience
Yea there should be a large market for such lawyers because husbands kill their wives every day
tyler perry
its every husbands dream to murder his wife and get away with it. its my job to tell those husbands how to kill their wives legally
rosamund pike
aw how sweet ben affleck totally gave a sweet speech on tv even though it totally makes me look like a crazy a*ss b*tch that ran away from home or it could have been totally cooked up by his fancy lawyer............it doesn't matter *singing* cause baby tonight the tv has got us falling in love again..........ok so how do I "prodigal son" my a*ss back home now? Well its a good thing I'm currently in a house with a dude who I gave a restraint order ages ago now how do I piece this together What to do what to do
ben affleck
wow! I can't believe it I'm no longer the most hated man in america the audience totally ate that sh*t up
narrator
next rosamund jams a wine bottle up her crotch like a f*cking p*rnstar then she goes ahead to seduce neil
rosamund pike
*in sexy voice* hey neil you wanna "pull up to my bumper baby"?
neil patrick
Yea knowing you actually schemed your husbands a*ss into prison and noticing how "sudden" your advances towards me are plus I'm doogie motherf*cking hauser, I will say this is totally a trap but on the other hand, sex!
narrator
next we see them having sex and we know they are having sex because they are totally making faces to show that they are having sex
neil patrick harris
Oh I'm cumming baby
rosamund pike
Dude it hasn't even been up to a minute you totally suck (picks up a wine opener)
narrator
as soon as neil cumms rosamunds slits his f*cking throat
neil patrick harris
wow this is just like basic instincts where sharon stabs dudes during orgasm the only difference is that we are upside down and she uses an ice pick............ok and a 1 and a 2 and a 3(begins over the top acting) oooooooooooooooooouch!I just totally took a wine opener to the throat blood spraying everywhere, the room is spinning erk!(Dies)
rosamund pike
Sorry neil but I need to act like I was abducted by you and kept here against my will and I just escaped today plus its my sweet revenge for calling me sean bean................ yes! That bullsh*t. Story certainly holds water
narrator
next we see rosamund pike in a hospital blatantly lying to some cops about being abducted by obsessed neil and they totally eat it up because cops are st*pid in hollywood
kim dickens
Hmmm! So I'm supposed to believe all that you said happened at the lake house?
rosamund pike
Yep
kim dickens
Okay then I believe ya case closed we won't even examine the CCTV cameras that actually prove that you weren't held there against your will, see ya
narrator
ben and rosamund go home and play the most boring exposition scene in movie history[\b]
[b[ben affleck
So let me get this straight you were kidnapped all these while by a boyfriend you dated donkey years ago who didn't even know we were in missouri then you broke out of captivity moments after I made that speech on tv?
rosamund pike
Well this isn't the place to discuss this let's talk about it in the shower
ben affleck
Um okay
narrator
they get butt n*ked and jump in the shower
rosamund pike
Yea I totally set your a*ss up so that you could get the chair and when I started missing you I set neil a*ss up to clear your name I shoved a wine bottle up my p*ssy to look like neil r*ped me on several ocassions
ben affleck
ugh sick!
neil patrick harris in heaven with a golden harp and a halo
Aw so you think my d*ck is as big as a wine bottle? I'm flattered
rosamund pike
you see? The bored house wife was having fun did you really mean what you said on tv?
ben affleck
F*ck no I totally read that sh*t out of a mills and boons novel and knowing you as a crazy pants c*nt I'm totally gonna leave your a*ss
rosamund pike
Hey I saved your life you can't leave me
ben affleck
I'm totally gonna tell kim dickens, tyler perry and carrie coon what you did
tyler perry
Woah! I would like to help but I gotta shoot my latest movie "madea goes to school" take care of your self
kim dickens
Ugh! That's terrible unfortunately I don't really give a sh*t anymore so bye affleck try not to get on your wife's bad side okay?
carrie coon
she did what?!*over the top acting mode activated* I shall roll all over the ground and cry but that ain't gonna do sh*t sorry ben
ben affleck
Hey b*tch I want a div..........
rosamund pike
Ben I'm pregnant
ben affleck
The f*ck how did that happen?
rosamund pike
I performed an insermination with your sperm sample you stored away in a sperm bank for no reason
ben affleck
you crazy b*tch I'm gonna f*cking kill you
rosamund pike
I did it because I love you
ben affleck
I'm not talking to you I'm talking david a*sshole finch you told me this movie would lube my entry into the bat man franchise you told me this movie would make me look cool how does being lazy,hitting on twenty year olds and storing my sperm in a f*cking bank like I just took out my prostrate make me look cool and you b*tch(turns to rosamund) are we gonna be getting diapers for free and feeding the baby with wood from the forest *news alert* we are both unemployed how the hell do we take care of a baby(2seconds later) oh my God you are pregnant I'm totally not going to leave you now I have to protect the baby from your crazy a*ss I won't want a situation where you frame the child for your murder just because she brought home a bad report card
rosamund pike
Wow so I schemed and plotted and killed and violated myself when all I had to do was just get pregnant to get you to take your marriage seriously? What a waste of time
neil patrick harris in heaven with a harp and a halo
You mean I got my throat slit for nothing? man this movie sucks(throws his halo and walks away)
End

rosamund pike
Now we are newly weds and we have made a pledge to love each other forever and ever and ever and ever so first things is first let's lose our jobs then give my parents my trust fund to manage like we are f*cking teenagers and let's keep pumping money into a bar that doesn't bring home jack
ben affleck
what? That's a terrible idea it's usually the setpiece for like a ton of nollywood "marriage gone wrong" movies why don't you watch a couple of them and see how this ends.
rosamund pike
aw common honey what's the worst that can happen?
narrator
first they go super-broke then they move out of Posh new york to down town missouri and like that's not bad enough ,the missouri funk begins to rub off on ben affleck next we see a montage of the couple "ARGUING WHILE MAKING HAND GESTURES" because according to hollywood that's the symbol of a bad marriage.
Back to reality ben's a*ss is hauled back into the precinct for a fresh round of interrogations
kim dickens
You killed her didn't you?
ben affleck
No I'm too lazy for that
kim dickens
You killed her didn't you?
ben affleck
No I'm too lazy for that
kim dickens
Did you know she was pregnant?
ben affleck
No I'm too lazy for tha......what?
kim dickens
haha I just made you admit that you are impotent
ben affleck
mature
kim dickens
Anyway about the baby
ben affleck
phew! Thank God I dodged that bullet can you imagine crazy rosamund pike raise a baby*clears throat* I mean I totally didn't know about the baby honest, shoot! Now I think I just outted myself as a douche husband
kim dickens
U think?
ben affleck
Alright that does it since you guys totally suck at doing your jobs I'm gonna go "detective" on my own
narrator
ben affleck goes "scooby doo" and starts picking up on the clues left behind by rosamund pike which end up at his sister carrie coon's wood shed where he finds giant blimp with the words "ben affleck totally murdered my a*ss"
ben affleck
what da f*ck carrie you murdered my wife and totally got me to take the fall for it?
carrie coon
What? What are you talking about?
ben affleck
I found the clues in your wood shed who hid it there?
carrie coon
Er I don't know but it wasn't me
ben affleck
Yea right like you never visit your own wood shed
carrie coon
Well according to the mysoginist movie director,ladies do not visit their wood sheds besides maybe rosamund isn't dead maybe she's the one setting you up
rosamund's former boyfriend
Rosamund set you up? yea you are totally f*cked she made people think I r*ped her back when we were dating and till now even I can't even go to freaking mars without the FBI warning everyone that I'm a sex offender I'm telling you this chick is crazy
narrator
next we see a montage of how rosamund ran away from home and framed her husband for a crime that didn't happen
rosamund pike
Hi guys I'm totally alive and I framed my husband for murder so he will get executed that's what you get when you cheat on me I also painstakingly wrote this huge a*ss diary that totally didn't mean sh*t just to spice things up, now I plan on spending the rest of my free life living in the shadows and stashing wads of cash in my money belt like f*cking john the baptist
narrator
some random chick strolls into rosamunds house and steals all her money from the money belt "surprise surprise"
rosamund pike
now that's just great time for plan B I will look up neil patrick harris? Wonder who that guy is?
narrator
She meets neil at a casino
neil patrick harris
Hey there sweet thang (tries to kiss her)
rosamund pike
WTF? Did you just try to kiss me? Aren't you like one of my gay friends I keep around?
neil patrick harris
No actually I'm another old boyfriend and not just that I was totally obssessed with you
rosamund pike
Do you know how offensive that is? Do I look like a f*cking dude to you is that what this is about?
neil patrick harris
Well you kinda have the deepest female voice known to man and you look like sean bean from national treasure so I guess its fair to be attracted to you.
rosamund pike
*evil smiles* ok so..............ben affleck was a lousy husband so I fled for my life (because divorces are over rated)can I stay with you
To be continued.......

narrator
we stumble upon rosamund pike's diary because she is totally 13 years old and keeps a diary
rosamund pike
Dear diary I met this guy with a really bizzare forehead and an enormous chin, we do things like "moneypenny james bond" witty banter, we lock lips a lot and he comes down on me like a freaking pervert we are the perfect couple
narrator
Then we see a flashback of when ben affleck proposed to her during some weird celebration about a book character because madness is a family thing
ben affleck
(Stares at rosamund pike)
ugh! Look at you how many years back and you look exactly the same and why do you sound british when your parents are totally americans?
rosamund pike
No its okay this is the past you were crazy about me back then
ben affleck
in that case(gets down on one knee)
Hey babe I love your eyes, I love your hair, I love your t*ts and I love your d*ck sack
I aint lying sweety it's a top notch standard issue world class d*ck snatch you got down there hey parents do you know just how wonderful your daughters boner garage is?
rosamund pike
wow! Did you just totally talk dirty while proposing to me in front of my folks and a bunch of strangers
ben affleck
Why didn't you get the memo? R-rated jokes are the sh*t right now in hollywood even cartoons like spongebob square pants and family sitcoms like modern family have started telling double etendre and some times just flat out dirty jokes
rosamund pike
Well I accept and for the record your di........
party guests
enough already can't you see people are trying to eat here?
narrator
back to reality ben is at a police station being grilled by kim dickens
kim dickens
So you killed your wife
ben affleck
I didn't kill her
kim dickens
When did you kill her?
ben affleck
I didn't kill her
kim dickens
How did you kill her?
ben affleck
I-DID-NOT-KILL-MY-WIFE
kim dickens
So where did you hide her body
ben affleck
For the love of God I can't kill my wife I'm a lazy a*sshole hello?
kim dickens
Well lucky for you we have no body so we can't charge you with murder so we shall exfoliatingly scrub the f*ck out of your house so now f*ck off
narrator
ben heads unto his sister carrie coon's house
ben affleck
Hey carrie can I crash in your house till the investigation is over?
carrie coon
Yea right so you can murder me in my sleep?
ben affleck
Carrie you have got to believe me I didn't kill my wife even though I hate her so f*cking much, I have a girlfriend and I cashed a large insurance policy check over my wife's head head, I did not kill her
carrie coon
Okay I believe ya because I am some kind of charles xavier mutant who can read your mind and tell that you are sincere so come on in bro meet me in the jaccuzzi in two minutes just kidding
ben affleck
*rolls eyes*
narrator
later ben and his sis are watching this talk show where this joan rivers wannabe is chopping afflecks butt for killing his wife
ben affleck
What?! So islamist militants are chopping off peoples heads in the middle east and I'm the one making the news? C'mon just how popular is this girl her parents write obnoxious books that popular for no reason *smh*
narrator
emily ratajowski shows up to the house
emily ratajowski
knock knock
ben affleck
Woah! I have a daughter in college? Come in honey I know you are worried but mommy is gonna be alright
emily ratajowski
er..........I'm actually your girlfriend?
ben affleck
yea right who do you think I'm R.kelly? I'm almost twice your age young lady
david finch
Just go with it dakota fanning and chloe grace moretz Weren't available
ben affleck
Oh jeez! Er.............. hey sweety how are you doing?
emily ratajowski
I got a B on my human kinetics report let's f*ck to celebrate
ben affleck
Gosh! I wish I could but people hate me because they think I killed my wife and I have to not make mistakes that can hold against me in court(2seconds later) man f*ck that come here you anoxeric chick with b*ob implants
emily ratajowski
and where else to have sex than in your sisters house on her God damn couch while she's home
narrator
they f*ck then they totally pass out on the couch because ben was too lazy to give a sh*t about subtlety and public image, meanwhile back at rosamunds diary we go into another flashback
To be continued.........

joyandjoi:
No I am not mocking you I was just amazed about how much effort you put into your screenplay didn't mean to hit a nerve

ehn I'm just f*cking with you, I'm not offended besides its my fault

I got caught on camera napping on duty it was so embarrassing

joyandjoi:
OP you get tym o

how dare you mock me for being unemployed?
its not my fault

ah ah op all these films wey you mention na comedy na lol person mention 3 idiots, make I give you confirmed sad (the word "touching" is an understatement)movies
-the pianist
-house of sand and fog
-The reader
- seven pound
- combat shock
- dancer in the dark
ENJOY!!!

narrator
director david finch meets with writer gillian flynn
david finch
Hello I wanna.........
gillian flynn
steal my book and convert it into another tasteless accidental billionaires adaptation just because you are too lazy and risk averse to come up with fresh ideas
david finch
wow! How did you know that?
gillian flynn
Are you kidding me? The last 14 years has been nothing but movies made out of books,comics and cult classics and what makes it even more disturbing is that they keep making these sh*tty movies when 80% of the time the adaptations suck so bad that they ruin the original
david finch
I assure this one is not gonna tank check it I got ben af fleck as the gerald butler "butterfly on a wheel" douche bag turn hero
Rosamund pike as the modern adaptation of sharon stone in "basic instinct"
Neil patrick harris as the dude that has "I'm gonna die" tattooed to his forehead
Kim dickens as the cliche "hot and intelligent but single with a cat" detective that will spazz on affleck's a*ss like she's on sh*t
Emily ratjakowski as ben's forgettable mistress and....................
tyler perry
and I will play............
david finch
what do you think this is, "madea gets framed for murder"? Why don't you go play with lipstick mr "jesus will put me in a mansion with boris kudjo for a husband even though I'm a super un-educated welfare queen" type of movie producer
tyler perry
Hey I know what you did last summer gimme a part or I'll tell
david finch
*rolling eyes* fine I will find you an irrelevant role I promise................so what do you think gillie?
gillian flynn
Still not convinced to sell over movie rights for destruction
david finch
G-R-E-E-D how is that for persuasion?
gillian flynn
now you are talking
narrator
ben affleck floats in his lazy mobile around the house and hates rosamund pike at the same time
ben affleck
Hi guys I'm married to a lady whose parents are writers unfortunately my wife and I simultaneously lost our jobs because of the eco-crunch now I'm a lazy and unreliable douche bag anyway, ugh! I hate rosamund pike I just hate her so much I can't stop hating her because I hate her did I mention that I hate my wife rosamund pike? That's just how much I hate her infact I'm going to "the bar"(seriously that's the name of the bar) to talk to my twin sister about how much I hate my wife
narrator
ben heads over to the bar to talk to his twin sister that looks nothing like him and looks twice his age
carrie coon
There's my sexy brother
ben affleck
O_o oooookkkkay! Anyway do you know why I hate my wife?
carrie coon
Because you lose your mammoth sized erection any time you are with her?
ben affleck
Er..............ahem where was I? Yes I hate rosamund pike I mean who f*cks pierce brosnan and then tries to kill him the next day? Who stays in a room with half n*ked tom cruise and tells him to put his clothes back on? And worst of all (holds back barf)who chooses rowan atkinson over dominic west? GAWD I HATE MY WIFE, anyway today is our fifth anniversary and I don't know what to do
carrie coon
you could hate f*ck her I mean with the size of ben jr you could do some damage
ben affleck
Da f*ck, you have a name for my penis? alright cut! Why is my twin sister talking dirty to me?
david finch
Why I'm trying to show the audience just how close y'all are
ben affleck
By talking about my penis?oops its 7:00am lunch time! Get it? becasue I'm a lazy f*ck
narrator
ben heards unto his house all douche bag like and finds that his wife is been kidnapped
audience
Ah! Sweet I bet he will transform from lazy bum into a liam neeson/hugh jackman kick a*ss missing person hunter and take down a bunch of bad guys jason bourne style
ben affleck
What? How now? I'm too lazy for that infact I'm too lazy to give a sh*t because I'm lazy get it?
kim dickens
Got it you totally murdered your wife
patrick fugit
Wow that was quick so let's book this one
kim dickens
No we can't arrest him yet cause we got no evidence
patrick fugit
Since when do the police give a f*ck about that? I say we keep him in a dark room pump his longs full of coffee and keep hounding him till he chooses to talk I mean that's how we roll right?
kim dickens
What? No
FBI
Hey psst if you want we could totally make some evidence "surface" you know what I'm saying? *wink wink*
kim dickens
No I'm going to up hold the law legally which means I will just keep making appointments with mr affleck and saying "you did it, you did it" till he confesses.
To be continued....

paul bettany
So now all we have to do is find a way to install the virus into the master AI and it'll all come crashing down its a #NoBrainer
morgan freeman
Good work, you see cilian we don't have to risk society and civilization just to shut johnny down
cilian murphy

morgan freeman
why are you smiling?
paul bettany
Oh that sh*t is still going to happen we are totally going to tank civilization as we know it because once we shut johnny depp down we would have to disconnect from all devices that have access to the internet
morgan freeman
O_o right! Just like how you have to drive your porsche off a cliff just cause its batteries don't work?
So what happens if you buy new devices that haven't been used?
paul bettany
No no no, you can't do that cause this is a super high tech virus. This virus will eat up your M.board. It’ll grill your graphics card and just when you think its done it will leap out of the USB ports and burn your sh*t to the ground
morgan freeman
*sigh*
narrator
horse teeth chick from iron man 3 is beginning to realize just how creepy johnny is( really? Like you didn't catch pirates of the carribean)
johnny depp
hi honey!
horse teeth chick from iron man3
*gasp* oh my God please don't hit me
johnny depp
Hit you? Why you are the only one capable of spouse abuse here is you I mean you can like totally delete me if you don't like what I say, anyway I just wanted to tell you, YOU'VE GOT MAIL
horse teeth chick from iron man3
you read my emails what gives dude?
johnny depp
Hmmm I'm sensing some hostility here are you okay? Take it easy your blood pressure is spiking
horse teeth chick from iron man3
and now you are checking my heart rate and. Tempo? For the love of christ what do I have that is still private?
johnny depp
your mosquito bite b*obs?
horse teeth chick from iron man3
oh how nice you peeked at me in the shower? How did you do it satellite?CCTV?
johnny depp
Er............... I think everyone with an imagination knows what your b*obs look like trust me I never peek when you shower cos there ain't nothing to see like really
horse teeth chick from iron man3
And now you are checking with my fans to know what they think about me?
johnny depp
fans? You got any of that? Are you kidding me? you're one of the most boring chicks in hollywood even standing beside me still ain't doing you any favours
horse teeth chick from iron man3
dating a computer is so not fun......
johnny depp
not to mention pretty loony too!
narrator
horse teeth chick from iron man3 dashes out of blofeld quarters when the lame terrorists abduct her and drag her flat a*ss back to their lame quarters
lame terrorist
that's right we are still in this movie guys
horse teeth chick from iron man3
Hey paul what's good if you don't mind, I would like to completely not act surprised that you are still alive and would just like to get down to business
paul bettany
*rolling eyes* fine! Johnny has ejaculated his nano bots into the sky which has polluted the sky and is contaminating the skies and rivers and shall cause global nanobotization
horse teeth chick from iron man3
How did you figure that?
paul bettany
That puddle of rainwater is not pure that means the whole of the sky is contaminated
horse teeth chick from iron man3
Wow you are basing all that on this one puddle of rainwater?
paul bettany
Wow just thinking about that, it really sounds lame I guess some of their lameness has rubbed off on me anyway we wanna destroy johnny and we need your help
horse teeth chick from iron man3
Oh cool how can I help
paul bettany
We are gonna download a virus into you so you can upload online and destroy johnny
horse teeth chick from iron man3
Ok but I don't think infecting me with herpes can take down johnny
paul bettany
No no I mean a computer virus you know trojan, I love you bug,recycler?
horse teeth chick from iron man3
O_o how the f*ck is any of that possible
director
Yea I know chris nolan totally sucks let's just go with it

narrator
horse teeth chick from iron man3 returns to blofeld quarters and finds johnny in human form because yea that can happen
horse teeth chick from iron man3
What da? Where did you get your body from and how did you get it to work?
johnny depp
Em............Er.........Well.........
director
(whispering) avoid the question you dumbass
johnny depp
Oh right (changes topic) you b*tch you are here to destroy me
horse teeth chick from iron man3
you read my mind again?
johnny depp
Didn't need to do that b*tch its zero point energy first you stormed outta here like you were on fire only to return with a 1960s james bond assault squad consisting of crazy terrorists and dumb federal agents.
horse teeth chick from iron man3
Oh! er you saw that
johnny depp
What I still don't get is why do everyone wanna kill me I'm a man whose soul is stuck in a freaking computer how is no one totally psyched about it?
cillian murphy
Oh sh*t johnny has totally shot through our lame plan let's fall back to plan B
morgan freeman
And what is plan B?
cillian murphy
We are totally going to go crazy and randomly throw bombs at the building and hope there isn't a nuclear reactor in the facility
morgan freeman
*sigh* if only we had just reported to your superiors they would have totally air struck the facility without breaking a sweat
cillian murphy
*scowls*
morgan freeman
*rolling eyes* alright fine hand me a mortar hold on is rebecca aware of your plan B
cillian murphy
throw the f*cking thing already
narrator
boom boom motherf*cking boom and er yea that's right BOOM!!!!!!!!!
universal soldiers knock-off
Oh hey look at those guys are totally assaulting our base...................ehn! They will be fine
horse teeth chick from iron man3
Ouch! I have been mortally wounded by an exploding mortar
universal soldiers knock-off
no one hurts horse teeth chick from iron man3 and gets away with it GET THEM!!! But slowly so that the movie audience shall be bored to death and unable to demand a refund.
johnny depp
lucky I'm in human form right?(Picks her up and takes her to the lab)
kate mara
Hey johnny! Upload the virus or I blow paul's head off
paul bettany
hey! Why me? I thought I was part of you guys? I totally took an oath and all
johnny depp
choose between the dude who tried to kill me or my lovely wife oh God the dilemma, the suspense
horse teeth chick from iron man3
Is there really a dilemma? I mean you can heal me and upload the virus you know save the both of us
johnny depp
Er...........the explosion totally knocked out the power so I can't save you both
horse teeth chick from iron man3
Power failure really? what are you? a NEPA spokes person? What about your billion solar panels they are barely vanquished even the vandalized panels are repairing itself or is the explosion also damaging the sunlight cause if that's the case Then we are f*cked
johnny depp
Well er...........em.......the facility is damaged by the assault
horse teeth chick from iron man3
yea you mean the facility that is about ten stories underground?
johnny depp
can't you see I'm trying to be in a dilemma right now
narrator
in a surprising/lame turn of events johnny chooses paul
paul bettany
OMG johnny hated his wife so much that he chose a dude who wants him dead over her this means he was totally.............
johnny depp
tada! I was totally human the whole time see?
horse teeth chick from iron man3
and you are just telling us now? Erk(dies)
paul bettany
Wow so the real johnny was actually a fan of iron man 3 and universal soldier yuk! That's sick
johnny depp
What? Lame movies have fans too (dies)
narrator
and all over the world there's a total shut down of technology just like the end of terminator 3
cillian murphy[\b]
oops!
[b]morgan freeman
Told you
narrator
its time for chris nolan to make one of his bullsh*t speech on the movies real life reference
chris nolan
Er yea for reference well its a totally lame movie so I shall be putting all blame on the director just like I did in man of steel
warner greedy executives
told you they've seen through your bullsh*t this is the last time I shall be producing one of your bullsh*ts
chris nolan
What about my hybrid project
warner greedy executives
Hybrid project
chris nolan
I call it interstellar its a hybrid of armageddon and gravity so what you say?
warner greedy executives
Well we are greedy and st*pid so you are on
End

forreelinc:
lol no mind them na so them go dey copy themself up and down

. Yes o this movie alone has like four different marvel movie subplots tied to it na copy and paste for 3D theatre na e sure for them now gone are the days when they make movies to wow you

dis one still dey? I thot one of her aunts spiked her drink that time? O' God she's so hot anyone got her number?

morgan freeman
shut it down? common isn't that a bit of a stretch? the only threat we face is her mindless super soldiers which she perhaps kept aside iron man 3
stan lee
Hmmm I heard that
morgan freeman
And besides the lab is located at like a billion miles away from the city , it even relies on independent power supply so why don't you report to your superiors and have them shut it down in like 2 hours we would even forget this ever happened
cillian murphy
f*ck that man I say we go jack bauer on their a*sses and don't tell me what to do you are just a p*ssy government scientist
]b]morgan freeman[/b]
Hey don't even think of bullying me dude my president is black and I have a higher reasoning than you do
]b]cillian murphy[/b]
your president is black huh? Why don't you ask trayvor martin how that worked out for him who knows in my case I may even get a medal
morgan freeman
*sigh*
cillian murphy
Or better yet I'll get the lame terrorists to blow up the facility and take the fall for my clandestine mission
morgan freeman
yea right like they will fall for that
narrator
the lame terrorists totally eat it up because you know............they are lame next morgan freeman strolls into the lame terrorist super secret location to talk to paul
morgan freeman
Hey paul how is it going please I need you to sign this document that totally excludes the FBI from your fast and the furious 6 criminal /gov't allignment operation going on
paul bettany
Dude aren't you going to at least act surprised that I'm still alive
morgan freeman
What has two thumbs and does not give a f*ck THIS GUY!(Points at himself)
paul bettany
Yea well about that I was thinking we should just go ahead and lamely throw outdated explosives into the lab till it gets blown to sh*t and alert the police as well as fist fight their super soldiers which will end up either killing us or getting us arrested because subtlety isn't the way we roll and oh we are going to need your help.
morgan freeman
F*ck no man I ain't helping you with that. (2 seconds later) ok fine I'm in


kate mara
Now here's the plan we shall blow up a couple of their billion solar panel thingies and shoot a handful of insignificant bad guys
paul bettany
How would you know they are bad guys?
kate mara
Because they would be using their super powers duh?
paul bettany
What if he is an innocent passerby they just experimented on without his knowledge or just another worker who isn't a hostile or just .............
kate mara
(Scowls)
paul bettany
*rolling eyes* okay fine

kate mara
Take that! super soldier(shoots one of the super soldiers)
super soldiers
very funny like that will have any effect on me now if you would excuse me I will just wolverine heal myself and come back to murder you all I'll be one second
paul bettany
surprise surprise
kate mara
Shooting him didn't work? It always works did I mention this was our uranium special? How do we kill him now?
paul bettany
We could lure him into that. (points at some box)
kate mara
And how does that help?
paul bettany
I don't know for some reason the cage cures everything
kate mara
Hmmm sounds lame enough I'll do it
narrator
using the ellen page jogernaut trick from xmen 3 lame terrorists are able to lure the super soldier into the cage which is a hybrid of the glass trap from the avengers and the cure from xmen 3
stan lee
I heard that
chris nolan
hey f*ck off old man you've been stealing from DC remember? you didn't think of making an iron man movie till you saw batman and you didn't think of making winter soldier till you saw red and you didn't think of making the avengers till you saw watchmen you brought out guardians of the galaxy after dc did green latern even right now I heard you are pulling iron man vs captain america outta ya a*sses just because of the batman vs superman we are coming up with so go f*ck a goat and see if I care
stan lee
*grumbling*(walks away)
kate mara
Ahem guys? We are shooting a lame movie here, okay hahaha now you've lost your powers I shall murder the f*ck out of you because I'm crazy you see
paul bettany
Hey I've collected one of the nano robots from his blood sample and i've hacked into johnny's source code using the hollywood policy don't ask don't tell
kate mara
Okay so where is it?
paul bettany
Its right here on the table
kate mara
I can't see sh*t
paul bettany
May be you should use the microscope I mean you shouldn't have a problem with that right now since you are now into technology and sh*t
kate mara
Yea I'm kind of defying the storyline right now and all those AI scientists we killed only to become dependent on them once more I mean is there a message you are trying to send with this gesture nolan?
chris nolan
Er.....nope however that reminds me I should go work on some bullsh*t commentary I'll give during the movies premier to make people actually think the movie is deep later guys. To be continued.....

hmmmm tithe naira hard at work right there clothing the n*ked and feeding the hungry, well done

the next time she says that sh*t, knock her teeth upside down, just kidding. or am I?