₦airaland Forum

Pastor must have trained under Oledepo - the winch slapper

Afternoon Docs in the house, please i have a very good friend who has been bed wetting from our days in the boarding house till now. He is very academically sound has worked within the financial service industry in Nigeria and America. Though he is back finally into the country, he is yet to get married, he hardly keeps relationships because of this. We met at our reunion and i know the issue is the singular reason he is not married. Is there any one out there with a solution to this?

Curriculum Vitae


My name is BENEDICT LE GAUCHE and I was born on 02/05/83 which makes me 28 and ripe as a lemon. I’m looking for a job I’ll like. As a man of integrity I’m not about to try and give you the impression that all the jobs I’ve had previously were brilliant learning experiences tailor-made to equip me for precisely the job I’m applying for (hello you) when in reality they have been, for the greater part, boring and drudgerous and disheartening. I should state I was not bad at them. The capacity to bear such trials whilst retaining an at-most-times sunny disposition might be called something like ‘the ability to work under pressure’. Yes. I wasn’t bad. I was good in fact – I can’t think of a job I wasn’t good at. (I can: a call centre job at a company called GOVNET – ‘a communication tool that government uses to communicate with the third sector’ and home to the most disastrous horseshit I’ve had the pleasure of peddling, commercially.) So, but via some kind of weird pride or fear of being disliked I have hitherto been inspired to perform above averagely for every company I’ve ever worked for and believe that I can harness this same fear in the furthering of your company goals. Who knows? I might even like the job! Though this is statistically improbable. Some short sentences about me: I excel at customer service – really fly, you should see. I can lift more than it looks like I can lift. I like working on my own if there isn’t anyone fun to work with but can also stand the company of people I hold in contempt and am, in this sense, versatile. I can work incredibly long hours, and will work for very little money. I have ginger hair and for a lot of people this is a talking point. Sometimes I do not feel like I am completely in control of myself and I have to pinch myself very hard. I like the great outdoors. As of the 11th January 2011 I am free from all venereal disease. Thanks for taking the time out to read my application. I’ve tried my best to be honest. I really excel at customer service and do, through great force of will and habit, hide the worst of my qualities.

Work History

Cleaner/Caretaker; The Women’s Organisation, Manchester ; 11/08/2010 – Present

Duties include: Working out how dirty I can let the building get without Lisa complaining and then cleaning to this exact standard. Composing lewd/crass emails to Alison. Enjoying the reversal of gender stereotypes. Pride swallowing. Key holding.

Host: Zion Arts Centre, Manchester; 02/02/2011 – 28/07/2011

Moving chairs from one place to another place. Tables, sometimes. I sat on the front desk. I colleced printouts from the office which is 300 meters away from the desk and I brought them back. When people passed the desk and made little jokes in a kind of we’re-in-this-together spirit I laughed even if the jokes were not at all funny. This made me feel hollow. I tried to fill the hollow by eating stem ginger biscuits that I stole from the cafe. The biscuits were delicious but they did not fill the hollow. Duties included: Checking that the toilets were still there and that it was ok in them, still. Keeping a log of this information on an A4 that was taped to the back of the toilet door. Taking orders from people who are conspicuously younger than me.

Copywriter ; Tailormydesign.co.uk, the internet ; July 2010

Duties included: Writing about fabrics and tailoring like they were something I thought were exciting and meaningful. Researching the exact tone of condescension invariably used in the Q&A sections of trendy fashion websites and overcoming an astonishing sense of dread in order to copy seven shades of shit out of exactly this tone. Wondering whether I preferred prostitution of the mind or of the body. Wondering whether this made me a writer. Wondering when it would end.

Waiter/Barista/Kitchen Porter ; Koffee Pot, Manchester ; I did this job like five times in 2010

Duties included: Washing up until somebody told me it was time to wash the floor. Washing floors. Pretending I was cooler than I am and that I was ok with all this washing up.

Commis Chef ; Stock Restaurant, Manchester ; 28/09/2009 to 15/12/2009

Duties Included: The preparation and presentation of fine-dining dishes. Intimate acquaintance with panic. Embracing with grace and good cheer being called ‘Julie’ by most of my colleagues. Teamwork. Because I personally went in to resign instead of anonymously skulking off I was commended for my bravery and forthrightness though I really only went in to collect my ipod and my terrifyingly sharp knife.

Telephone Guy ; GOVNET, Manchester ; 15/8/2009 to 28/8/2009

Duties included: Pretending to be on the phone. Joining my irrevocably compromised colleagues in the morning chorus of ‘I’M GOING TO SELL SELL SELL (my soul)!’. Trying to work out what it was the company did and what part of that I was supposed to be doing. Hiding.

Bookseller ; Blackwell University Bookshop, Manchester ; 01/06/2006 to 10/12/2008

Where I was kept on after temping because I was more than willing to share my social time / pass notes on Belle and Sebastian with the full-time staff. My meteoric rise to ‘Fiction Buyer’ – I was for a time featured on their website as an ‘expert’ – was tempered only by my devil-may-care attitude toward punctuality and what was termed in meetings with management as my ‘attitude problem’ (Bleep OFF). Having achieved a dream I attributed après coup to my traumatic childhood at such a tender age (the dream of being able to buy ‘all of the books’) I withered on the publishing vine and hit the bottle. I eventually left, to Denmark, in pursuit of dubious love. Duties included: Daily use of the full suite of Microsoft Office programmes. For two years. So now I can’t look at a latticed window without seeing, in my mind’s eye, Excel and everything that follows.

Weekend bookseller ; Books Etc. Manchester Printworks (now a Cafe Rouge) ; 02/08/2005 to 20/12/2005

Where I ignored signs that the world of bookselling was not quite as I’d pictured it in my dreams (signs included: Simon’s cadaverous skin and desperate smell. Eve’s quiet fury at how unlike the dream of youth real-life-retail-maturity had turned out to be. And Richard’s faltering attempts to allay this same fear and same desperation by writing plays that no-one ever performed, no-one ever saw, drunk, as was I, on the promised authority of the author over his and all possible worlds.). Duties included: Cashing up. Data input.

Retail man ; NEXT, Market Street Lancaster ; 06/09/2001 to 01/02/2003

Duties included: Resisting the desire to fold my arms. Resisting the desire to yawn. Resisting the desire put either of my hands into either of my pockets. Resisting the desire to scream aloud. I learned how to separate women who’re clutching with their dear lives to the same knitwear without ruining the knitwear. Learned how to dress wounds. Learned what it means to be a man (thanks Wendy).

Education // Trainings

Customer Service Certification ; Mary Gober International ; June 2007

After a two day course in a hellhole hotel deep in suburban Leeds my self-satisfaction is up from 46% to 79% and number of written complaints I receive down from 400 to 35 (all statistics in line with their website[1])

BA (hons) Philosophy (2:1) ; Manchester Metropolitan University ; 06/06/2002 to 06/07/2006

Pointless.

A levels, English Language (C), English Literature (C) Mathematics (D) ; Preston College, Preston ; 06/06/1999 to 06/07/2001

I learned that I was not nearly as clever as I’d always assumed I was. A difficult pill to swallow.

GCSEs in all manner of subjects (4xA, 2xB, 3xC and 1xD ); Garstang High School, Garstang, Lancashire ; 1994 – 1999

So unfathomably long ago that I can remember only vague scenes and almost certainly nothing of value.

Extracurricular Pursuits

I read, I brood, I play squash, I collect Nina Simone and Fats Waller and Billie Holiday records because they are beautiful. In order that the cheques do not stop I sometimes spend time with the family. I like going to parties (If ever I sit next to you at a party it is likely that I will talk to you about the author David Foster Wallace in a way that you will find dreadfully boring and it is likely that you will start looking around in an increasingly frantic manner for your friends. I will be hurt by your obvious attempt to escape and I will most likely betray this hurt by rhythmically stroking my ironic tie). I play the piano and the guitar. Sometimes I’ll give a cigarette to a tramp. I draw pictures of my friends and give them to them as birthday presents. I like to close my eyes and pretend I am Darth Vader. I pursue love and happiness like anyone else, with about the same level of success.

Facts and Figures

Average time I stay in a job: 357 days
Average wage: £6.15p/h
My weight, as of June 2011: 56KG
Number of friends on Facebook: 289
Age at which I was 100% sure I’d passed puberty: 21
Average number of letters in my eight ex girlfriend’s Christian names: 5
Number of letters in current girlfriend’s name: 9
% of customers satisfied: 97% (up from 74% thanks to The Gober Method)

Muslim theologians such as al Ghazali (died 1111 CE) and Al-Ash'ari (died 935 CE) have "admitted sensual pleasures into paradise". The sensual pleasures are graphically elaborated by Al-Suyuti (died 1505 ), Koranic commentator and polymath. He wrote: "Each time we sleep with a houri we find her virgin. Besides, the penis of the Elected never softens. The erection is eternal; the sensation that you feel each time you make love is utterly delicious and out of this world and were you to experience it in this world you would faint. Each chosen one [ie Muslim] will marry seventy [sic] houris, besides the women he married on earth, and all will have appetising vaginas."

How much do you charge per prayer - do you charger per word, sentence or paragraph?

Hi a,

I'm looking for a reliable not too costly LR3 Mechanic within Lagos Mainland for my SUV. Is there any one out there with one. Thank you

I look at Nigeria of 2011 and I can see vividly the description of 1926

"In character and temperament, the typical African of this race-type is a happy, thriftless, excitable person.
Lacking in self control, discipline, and foresight.
Naturally courageous, and naturally courteous and polite, full of personal vanity, with little sense of veracity, fond of music and loving weapons as an oriental loves jewellery.
His thoughts are concentrated on the events and feelings of the moment, and he suffers little from the apprehension for the future, or grief for the past.
“He lacks the power of organization, and is conspicuously deficient in the management and control alike of men or business.
He loves the display of power, but fails to realize its responsibility "

Lord Frederick John Dealty Lugard, The Dual Mandate, pg.70 (1926)

IBB - I wish you to die from a long and pain filled protracted illness, may your body rot before you die so we feed you to vultures. That is what you deserve

I didn't vote for GEJ but BB because a tree does not make a forest, he is a good man in a bad party - just like Yar adua was a good but ineffective

Pastor Tunde Bakare was just applying the biblical principle of : "You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."

Salt preserves from corruption. As the disciples of Messiah we are to preserve the world from general corruption. Whatever becomes utterly corrupted is doomed to be destroyed. Just like food left out on the counter, our world is corrupt and doomed for destruction unless we do something about it.

Corrupt: (1) willing to act dishonestly in return for money or personal gain. (2) evil or morally depraved.

The remedy for our world is us. We are the salt of the earth. That means we need to be like salt is to food, if we are going to save this world from corruption and destruction.

How does salt preserve food from corruption?
It must come in contact with food. If we are going to save this world from corruption and destruction, we must come into close contact with people so that we can preserve them.
Preserve: (1) keep safe from harm or injury. (2) treat (food) to prevent its decomposition.
If we are simply in physical contact with the world, we won’t preserve it. We need to treat the world, and do something to prevent corruption from taking place. Our words and actions are needed to preserve people from corruption and destruction. First, we may need to help people realize they are corrupt. If you don’t believe your food needs to be wrapped in salt, or put in the fridge, you’ll leave it on the counter. We first must realize the food will perish if not covered in salt or put in the fridge. If people don’t think they are sick, they won’t go to the Doctor. First, we must help people realize they are corrupt; that they have a problem and are not in right standing with God. Once they believe this, things can change.

The heart and mind of people must change if they are to respond.
(Psalm 14:1-3) The fool says in his heart, "There is no God." They are corrupt, their deeds are vile; there is no one who does good. The LORD looks down from heaven on the sons of men to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God. All have turned aside, they have together become corrupt; there is no one who does good, not even one.
(Gen 6:5) The LORD saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time.

We can make laws that line up with the Bible, but that alone will not work. Israel was a theocracy; it had the Bible as it’s law book. It didn’t work. There were godly laws, but the people had corrupt hearts. As I think about this, I acknowledge that we need to have godly laws, but if we want to save people from corruption we must see their hearts changed. Godly laws won’t change people; changed hearts will!

Hi People,

I am on the look out for companies who have proven record in providing staff for data entry opportunities, please i am not looking for individuals but company. You have to provide list of companies you have worked with in the organised private sector or government establishment. Thank you

Stand for? they don't have to stand for anything, they just depict 3 traditional chiefs of Lagos in traditional regalia

Erratic Erastus i pray your life ends at the firing squad

Wish his university can follow up and strip him of his university degree, he is not fit to be anything professional

will the MD of Zenith Bank open an account in GTBank?

http://www.guardiannewsngr.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=20277:48-feared-killed-20-cars-burnt-in-lagos-edo-road-tragedies&catid=1:national&Itemid=559


CALAMITY struck at the weekend in Lagos, Edo and Jigawa states with about 42 people feared dead and 200 houses destroyed in multiple road accidents and heavy flooding.
In Lagos, two separate accidents left no fewer than 31 people dead while 18 lost their lives on the Benin-Auchi-Abuja road.
Also, torrential rains yesterday displaced many residents of Jahun in Jigawa State, sweeping away many communities in the town and destroying buildings and property worth millions of Naira.
Meanwhile, rehabilitation of the Lagos-Ibadan Highway, scene of yesterday’s accident which is to be embarked upon by Bi-Courtney Nigeria Limited, will begin in October.
Bi-Courtney had signed a concession agreement with the Federal Government in August 2009 to design, build, operate and transfer the highway, which was constructed some 25 years ago.
By the agreement, Bi-Courtney is to expand the road to four lanes from Lagos to Sagamu Interchange and three lanes from the Interchange to Ibadan.
Travellers, mostly worshippers coming from the just concluded annual convention of the Redeemed Christian Church of God (RCCG) were shocked, some shedding tears, others blaming the police, as they watched roasted human bodies involved in the multiple accidents along the Lagos-Ibadan Highway which occurred at about 10.00 a.m. The tragedy happened between the Mobil Filling Station and Otedola Estate Junction yesterday.
In another incident, motorists and residents along Murtala Muhammed International Airport Road, Lagos were also in tears as they watched the body of a young lady crushed with 11 others writhing in pains when a commercial bus marked XX476-FKJ somersaulted thrice while the driver tried to overtake a Honda car marked DU 348-GGE.
The bus was said to have picked passengers at NARCO Bus stop and was going to Mile 2 when the accident occurred a few metres from Junction Bus stop.
No fewer than 30 people including the 14 passengers inside one of the commercial buses travelling from Ketu in Lagos State to Mowe in Ogun State, an infant who was strapped with seat belt by his parents and others died in the accident on the Lagos-Ibadan highway. The accident involved 16 vehicles, an articulated truck said to belong to the Dangote Group, three loaded commercial buses, two Sports Utility Vehicles (SUV), two taxicabs and others. It happened near Otedola Housing Estate and was alleged to have been caused by a police road block mounted right in the middle of the highway.
A survivor and driver of one of the commercial buses, Aliyu Yekini, blamed the disaster on the police check-point.
According to him: “Most of the vehicles involved were on high speed but suddenly ran into the police check-point. The articulated vehicle, one of the trailers fully loaded with goods was on top speed and could not apply the brake. The driver ran into other vehicles and there was an explosion.
“When I saw the explosion, I quickly opened the door and jumped out likewise my conductor, leaving the passengers. The rest I saw was the flame of fire and the odour of roasted human flesh.”
Another survivor, Akeem, could not describe how he escaped but the only thing he remembered was the deafening sound of an explosion followed by fire and the multiple crashes.
“Apart from few of us who escaped, the rest victims could not be identified. They were all burnt beyond recognition. It was the fault of the police officers. They were fond of mounting check-points in the middle of the road for no other reasons than to extort money.”
But for the timely intervention of the police, an angry mob was set to protest the illegal checkpoint on the highway. Lagosians including journalists were prevented by armed policemen from moving close to the scene including those who came to verify whether their relatives were involved in the accident.
A survivor in the second accident in Lagos, Lynus Anyim, said it happened at about 3.45 p.m.
He said: “Our driver was on top speed. He was about to overtake the car in front of him when he suddenly lost control. The bus somersaulted thrice crushing the head of the lady seated beside the door while we all sustained serious injuries.”
Both accidents led to serious traffic snarls in both areas yesterday. For several hours, vehicles travelling to and from Ibadan were held in a standstill as officials of Lagos State Traffic Management Authority (LASTMA) and a team of police officers controlled the traffic. It was a similar situation along Murtala Mohammed International Airport Road.
The Assistant Director, Lagos State Fire Service, Mr. Fadipe Razak Idowu told The Guardian: “We had the information at about 11.19 a.m. and when we rushed down here, about 20 vehicles were involved and about 10 were already on fire. There were human blood dripping all over the place. We were able to rescue some and took them to the hospitals. The cause was attributed to the driver of the articulated vehicle whose break failed.”
The LASTMA boss, Dr. Femi Osonyintoly said: “It is a pathetic situation and all the related stakeholders are on ground to manage the situation. We cannot really talk of the cause now since we are really interested on the rescue situation at hand.”
In the Edo accident, men of the Federal Roads Safety Commission (FRSC) were said to be handicapped as their patrol vehicles were burnt by irate students of Auchi Polytechnic a few weeks ago when a policeman allegedly shot dead one of their colleagues.
One of the victims of the accident, Cyril Oboga, who is receiving treatment in a hospital, blamed the driver of his vehicle for the accident.
He said: “I can’t say exactly what happened because it was as if he was drunk from the way he was driving. They first collected money from us at Angle 90 Park in Auchi because there was no available bus but they said they would call another driver to bring a bus. It was some time before they brought the bus. The driver stopped for about three times on the way, first for a girl that was vomiting and in another village at Ekpoma.
“After a short while, I slept off though I am not used to sleeping, but I had to. The next thing I heard was a loud bang and people started shouting and I found myself on the ground. Two people, a man and woman in the red bus died instantly on the spot but in our own bus, which was going to Lagos a lot of people broke legs with serious injuries.”
Mr. Olusegun Ahmadu, Chairman, Project Implementation Committee, Highway Services of Bi-Courtney said in Lagos that everything has been put in place to ensure that the road is put into proper shape for smooth ride by the public.
The company, he said, was not unmindful of the importance of the road as a major link to other parts of the country, adding that the company is doing everything possible to ensure that travelling on the road is enjoyable and stress free.
He said that the intervention would involve repairing of failed sections, resurfacing and creating proper right of way. All the traffic bottlenecks, including illegal trailer parks in Ibafo, Ogere and Ibadan would be removed.
Ahmadu noted that discussions had been held with the trailer drivers as well as other stakeholders, including community leaders, religious groups, traffic management authorities, transport unions and the police on the need to free the road from unnecessary traffic congestion.
In place of the present illegal parks, Bi-Courtney, he said would put in place a Trailer Plaza equipped with modern facilities like filling stations, auto mart, mechanical workshop, shopping malls, rest areas (hotels) for the convenience of the drivers.
In addition, cameras are to be mounted at strategic places along the route to monitor human and vehicular activities, which will help to support efforts of security agencies in combatting crimes on the road.
The company, he said, would construct pedestrian bridges, interchanges to ease intra community movement in view of the massive construction work going on in the corridor and the rapid relocation of people to the area.
According to him, Bi-Courtney has been adding value to the road even before now by repairing the failed sections, removal of broken-down vehicles from the road and even clearing the Right of Way from Lagos to Ibadan to reduce traffic congestion.
Meanwhile, officials of the company, FRSC, Ogun State Traffic Management Unit were on hand to control traffic on the ever busy road during the week long National Convention of the RCCG, which began on Monday last week and ended on Saturday.
Company officials, police and other security outfits were placed at strategic locations along the entire stretch of the road to prevent the traffic snarl that usually accompanies such a convention, which draws large crowd of faithful from all over the country.
Ahmadu who coordinated the traffic control measure expressed happiness that the company was able to free the road for motorists, adding that the experience garnered would be deployed in the future to prevent a situation whereby people will be made to spend long hours due to traffic congestion.
When The Guardian visited the Jahun Local council headquarters Jigawa State, it was observed that seven communities that included Yola, Takacici, Kabala, Alkalawa, Fandai, Fagen-Kura and Unguwar-Gangare were the most affected by the heavy flood.
No fewer than 200 houses were affected by the disaster as most of the affected residents were seen taking refuge in other parts of the
town that were not affected.
One of the victims, Mallam Shehu Bala Adamu who spoke to The Guardian indicated that his family and himself have since become refugees in a nearby town, Kofar-Gabas, as a result of the disaster.
Adamu pointed out that the cause of the flood is the fact that there is no good drainage in Jahun, adding that despite the fact that they had lodged complaint several times in the past, with the authorities, nothing has been done to salvage the situation.
He disclosed that the flood has destroyed his house and property worth N300,000.
Chairman of the local council, Alhaji Idris Iliyasu Dan-Lawan pointed out that the council has directed its community department to carry out an emergency work in the affected areas by draining the water out of the affected areas.
Dan-Lawan added that, the council has also lodged its complaints with the state Emergency Relief Agency and the state Ministry of Environment for their respective actions.
The state Deputy Governor, Alhaji Ahmad Mahmod, who visited the affected areas, directed the state Ministry of Environment to quick

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-10918290
Jailed Zambia MP George Mpombo in prison complaint

George Mpombo was a minister for several years
An MP jailed in Zambia for 60 days has complained that prisoners in the country get no breakfast.

George Mpombo, a former defence minister, made the comments after he was sentenced for issuing a cheque on an insufficiently funded bank account.

He had recently resigned from his defence portfolio when his $2,000 (£1,250) cheque bounced last December.

Mr Mpombo, who is appealing against his conviction, said conditions in Zambia's prisons were "pathetic".

The court in Ndola, in the Copperbelt province, also fined him $800 on Monday.

Magistrate Kelvin Limbani said such cases had "serious consequences", badly affecting the country's economy, and his sentence would set an example.

"You deserve punishment so that you can reform and so that would-be offenders can be deterred from committing the same offence," Zambia's Lusaka Times quoted Mr Limbani as saying.

Speaking from a cell in the court after he was sentenced, Mr Mpombo told journalists that he wanted to appeal to Zambia's Human Rights Commission to do something about the overcrowded jails.

Mr Mpombo, who represents Kafulafuta constituency for the ruling Movement for Multiparty Democracy, had been a minister for several years.

He served under the late President Levy Mwanawasa, as well as his successor Rupia Banda.

The BBC's Mutuna Chanda in the capital, Lusaka, says Mr Mpombo has been a critic of Mr Banda since his resignation from cabinet.

I think Bankole is the vying for Adedibu's vacant post

They perform miracles - they empty your pocket so fast

Very First Child

Like Kwara like Abia

hi nairalanders,

please it is possible to patent or obtain copyright on a technical innovation

Yeah! i believe he has what it takes but based on Goldman Sach's current perception of being problems than solution i was just wondering if he is not going to sell us out

Goldman Sachs - genius or hubris?

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/markets/article-23826673-goldman-sachs---genius-or-hubris.do

When I last met Lucas van Praag, Goldman Sachs' head of PR, he told me a story about his family and against himself and his employer that was witty, warm and perceptive.

The last time I saw Michael Sherwood, the co-head of Goldman in Europe, he talked about his charity work. Richard Gnodde, the other co-head, always likes to talk politics, priding himself on being close to the action.

Jim O'Neill, the bank's chief economist, was the first to spot the potential of the emerging nations of Brazil, Russia, India and China. A lifelong Red, he's the leader of the bid to return ownership of Manchester United to its fans.

It's possible to go right through the hierarchy of Goldman, here and in New York, and find executives who ooze intelligence. Go down the layers of management and the same applies: it's fair to say that no commercial organisation is possessed of so much brain-power and none works harder and puts in such long hours. Certainly, no company anywhere or at any juncture in history has produced so many multimillionaires.

And yet Goldman has displayed an uncanny knack for getting it wrong, for misreading the public and political mood. Goldman is one of the banks that was rescued by the US taxpayer but continues to pay its people vast bonuses (an average of £109,000 for the first three months of this year alone). The gap between rich and poor gets ever wider and causes widespread consternation, yet Goldman carries on blithely handing out enormous sums.

It could do far more for good causes and repair its image but chooses not to. Worse than that, the bank now stands accused of blatant fraud, of climbing into bed with a client who wanted it to create some financial instruments that the bank could sell to other institutions and he could bet against, in the expectation that they would fail.

The US Securities and Exchange Commission has charged Goldman; the UK's Financial Services Authority is also investigating.

The client made close to $1 billion; the buyers lost close to $1 billion. As wheezes go, it was shocking. And for what? For a measly $15 million, Goldman's arrangement fee. This from a bank that yesterday announced profits of $3.5 billion for the first quarter of this year.

Did the bank not think that the clients might complain, that the authorities would wonder how it was that the instigator, hedge fund boss John Paulson, had pocketed so much?

What does it say about the hierarchy of the bank that they declare to the world they hire only the brightest and the best and put them through 50 testing interviews, only for their staff to engage in such socially useless activity?

When Lord Turner, the chairman of the FSA, used that phrase, "socially useless", in the aftermath of the near banking meltdown, to describe what investment bankers did, he was mocked by many in the City, including those within Goldman.

But it was this sort of arrangement with Paulson that he had in mind. Here we have a bank conniving with a hedge fund manager to load up investors with rubbish that he could exploit for his own ends. What could be more socially useless than that?

After details of the Paulson plot emerged, the Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, accused Goldman of engaging in "moral bankruptcy". Faced with that stinging criticism, many organisations and individuals would display contrition and beg for understanding.

Not Goldman. At the bank they've retreated into their bunker, confident that the crisis will pass and that their dominant position in banking and the capital markets will see them through, that clients will not desert them.

In this respect, they've become the Millwall FC of high finance, adopting a "nobody likes us but we don't care" attitude, believing entirely in their own brilliance and power. As one of their senior executives once said to me: "You have to understand we're a bank. We're not a charity. We don't do politics. We make money for our clients." And, he could have added, "for ourselves".

The Goldman vice-president Fabrice Tourre ("Fabulous Fab", as he calls himself), who masterminded the bank's participation in the alleged fraud and boasted of his prowess in emails, has not been fired or even suspended, but, we're informed, was cleared by an internal inquiry and is on paid leave, although he has been deregistered with the FSA.

Greg Palm, Goldman's general counsel, has gone on the offensive, supporting Tourre and taking an uncompromising aggressive stance towards the SEC. Nowhere is there any hint from the bank that even if it manages to overturn the SEC accusation its action was morally questionable.

But then this is a bank likened in Rolling Stone magazine, in its own US backyard, to "a great vampire squid wrapped around the face of humanity, relentlessly jamming its blood funnel into anything that smells like money".

That description last year prompted a deluge of similar attacks around the world - and sneers from the bank's stung management. In their sealed tank where they were masters of all they surveyed, and were treated as such by grateful clients, they just didn't get it. The assaults prompted the astonishing claim from Lloyd Blankfein, Goldman's ultimate head, that his organisation did "God's work". Astonishing to the rest of the world, but not to Goldman.

In the end, no matter how good their numbers, businesses are destroyed by people. They build them up and they knock them down. It's human nature - it's the failings of arrogance, greed, hubris and lust.

Already, the comparison is being made with Arthur Andersen, the auditor to Enron that collapsed as soon as that same SEC pursued it in the wake of Enron's demise. Clients ditched Arthur Andersen rather than be tarnished with the same fraudulent brush.

Goldman does not certify accounts the same as Andersen did. But it's an adviser and, right now, who do you want on your team: the bank that causes your critics to ask questions of you or one that provokes no untoward response?

Governments are coming under pressure to withdraw their Goldman business. Once that occurs, major corporations, especially those that value their ties with those same governments, may follow suit.

As Goldman attempts to reassure clients it really has got their best interests at heart, and to calm investors and staff, there's no doubt the bank's judgment has gone awry.

Goldman prides itself on being different. From its over-the-top recruitment process to its alumni network, it cloaks itself in an ethos of superiority.

Like most Wall Street firms it started off as a partnership, but while the others long since gave up that structure, preferring to become listed companies the same as everybody else, it clung to the old structure, managing to combine it with going public. So when Goldman floated in 1999, those who were partners received shares worth £150 million each at today's prices.

Many of them remained, a tribute to the bank's chemistry. When questioned why, they would often answer that they couldn't imagine working anywhere else.

So, each year, the annual addition to the partners' remuneration pool is a major event, here and in New York and the other places where Goldman has large offices. Some employees make it, most don't. Whatever - it all adds to the Goldman mystique.

Its workers are encouraged to think on the front foot, to come up with smart solutions - which is why Goldman's clients value their involvement so much and one of the reasons why it is able to produce earnings that leave its rivals gasping.

There is, however, a fine line between being creative and being aggressive. When BAA, the British airports operator, faced a bid from Ferrovial of Spain, Marcus Agius, the chairman (he now chairs Barclays), called in the company's advisers, Goldman. To his anger and astonishment, they turned up in his office and said they had a solution: they would buy BAA.

Agius threw them out. At pub company Mitchells & Butlers, Roger Carr, its chairman (he went on to chair Cadbury), experienced the same treatment.

The bank was an adviser but when Mitchells faced the prospect of a takeover said it was willing to form a consortium to take the business over itself. A staggered Carr told the Goldman advisers they couldn't be both adviser and bidder and had to choose. Eventually, they were shown the door, the same as at BAA.

At RBS, Fred Goodwin wanted to undertake what was a record £12 billion rights issue to shore up the Scottish bank's capital base. Three banks - Goldman, Merrill Lynch and UBS - were asked if they would underwrite or guarantee the mammoth share offering in return for success fees. Merrill and UBS bought RBS shares to hedge their risk and show confidence in their client.

Goldman refused, didn't purchase the rights and laid off its exposure in the market - causing the market to question whether the bank had faith in RBS at all. Goodwin was livid, believing he had a verbal agreement with Goldman, and cut its fee. Goldman argued it was well within its rights to do what it did.

When Northern Rock went down, the Treasury turned to Goldman. It was to be paid £5 million. The plan was to see if the beleaguered bank could be sold. In the end there was no alternative and it was nationalised - at which point, to the fury of the Treasury, Goldman asked for a further £4 million for achieving a successful outcome.

Last year, Goldman became embroiled in a row with China. Several of its state-owned companies were sold packages of complex derivatives by Western banks, with Goldman central among them, which lost money and led to accusations by the Chinese that they had been duped into buying the financial instruments.

This year, Goldman was revealed as having helped Greece hide the true level of that country's indebtedness in a secret deal said to have earned the bank as much as £192 million. Again, Goldman stresses it did nothing wrong.

Gerald Corrigan, chairman of Goldman Sachs Bank USA, the bank's holding company, said it was "consistent" with the regulations of the time. However, Corrigan admitted that "with hindsight" the bank should have been more transparent.

There's a pattern here. It's also easier to see why "Fabulous Fab" perhaps believed in his own genius and why Goldman has backed him rather than disowned him.

It's in the culture, in the DNA. It's about being a bank and making money. In that regard, PR is an expense, it doesn't add directly to the bottom line. If the bank is going to survive and continue to prosper it is going to have to change. The question is whether it is too late. Nothing lasts for ever. Not even Goldman Sachs.

FAMILY SUCCESSION PLAN FIRST
Then the succession plan for the family's business


The family succession plan must recognize and accommodate the needs, goals and objectives of each family member. "The family's goals and objectives then become the basic building blocks for the development of the succession plan for the family's business," according to top family business expert Don Schwerzler

"It is extremely important to first develop the family succession plan and then the succession plan for the family's business. Otherwise the business owner will spend a lot of time and money developing a succession plan that will almost always fail to reach the desired results."

Schwerzler has been studying and advising family businesses for more than 40 years and he is the founder of the Family Business Institute.

Sometimes the failure of the flawed succession planning process is recognized only after the death of the parents when the "plan" is sprung on the family during the reading of the will - and the legacy the parents were trying to create for their children and grandchildren is destroyed because of greed, misunderstandings and the lack of involvement in the family succession planning process. The family succession plan should include strategies to put the business interests ahead of the family interests should emphasize merit over family position Family-first Business or Business-first Family?

Another important issue that needs to be determined prior to beginning the family succession plan: is yours a family- first business or a business-first family? The answer will significantly impact the succession planning process.

Consider the multitude of personal sacrifices the business founder made in order to create a successful business. Sacrifices that included 70 to 80 hour work weeks, no weekends, missed little league games, school and community service functions - a business-first family. The second generation now says, "I want to be more involved with my family. I want to belong to the golf club and be a little league coach which means I have to leave the office by 4 o'clock. And by the way, my wife doesn't want me to work on Saturdays anymore!' This is an example of a family-first business.

It is not necessary to calculate this with mathematical precision, but we have developed an excellent survey that helps you, your family and your advisors focus on this critical question.


Family Business Succession Planning Survey with No-cost feedback

Our survey and Don Schwerzler's no-cost feedback has another very beneficial use for a family and the family business - the family can focus on the specific areas that show weakness and make these the basis for improvement.

Succession Management

The single best succession management strategy is to create an advisory board. Learn why,and how in this interview with our succession management expert.

Managing the Succession Process

Our succession management process is gaining international recognition. Learn why as we describe it from the most important perspective - the clients.

Strategic Planning Software

NEW strategic planning software produces a family business strategic plan fast and easy.

Family Business Valuation

Business valuation is important to the family succession plan. It should be a part of the regular annual strategic planning process not something triggered by a specific event.

Contingency Plan - for an Uncertain Future

A contingency plan uses strategies required to cover the death or incapacitation of key family managers.

Succession Planning has Changed

A contingency plan uses strategies required to cover the death or incapacitation of key family managers.

Planning Obstacles in Family Businesses

Sometimes, the best way to look at a problem is to identify the obstacles to solving that problem. Just like a physical obstacle course, succession planning for family businesses is like an obstacle course. You have to find the obstacles, then overcome them, fly over them, dig under them, outflank them to move around them. And it is often the ones that you didn't see that cause you the biggest problems!

Family Wealth Management

Family wealth management is critically important - family-owned businesses are the economic engines that drive America’s prosperity. But, it's about a lot more than just money.

Every Family's Business

Thomas Deans has written a very interesting book, Every Family's Business, that poses 12 questions every business owner should consider. Learn why SELLING the family business could be the best strategy to create and preserve family wealth.

Family and Business Renewal

Family and business renewal - learn how Karl Bareither accomplishes both with his wealth transfer process. It protects the family wealth and assures successful leadership transition.

Wealth Management Consulting

Here is a process for wealth management consulting to enable professionals to become wealth transfer specialists and grow their practices.

A Dozen Tactical Hints for Generational Transition

Here are about a dozen practical hints that we've found to be useful as a family business transitions from one generation to the next. A few might really surprise you!

Succession: 3 Ways to Ease the Transition

For family owned businesses, planning how to leave your business to the next generation can be the most difficult task of all. Generally the process occurs only once in a lifetime and without a significant investment in planning, the succession process can cause havoc in the business and family.

Exit Planning

Exit planning is necessary because you will transfer your business interest - either during your lifetime, or you will die or become incapacitated. Learn how to avoid the chaos of forced liquidation.

Shareholder Agreement

The shareholder agreement is an essential estate planning tool. Discover why it's needed and some of the problem situations it can help solve.

Buy-Sell Agreement

The buy-sell agreement is a specialized form of shareholder agreement that deals with ownership transfers.

Retirement Calculators

Retirement calculators are more valuable than ever. Learn about this valuable tool that helps you plan and manage your retirement savings

Is she having neck pain?

Zimbabwe Government is looking for a hangman for their maximum prison outside Harare, i know some desperate Nigerians will not mind:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/apr/13/hangman-zimbabwe-chikurubi-prison

None ! God - English language, Allah - Arabic language

tkb417:
are they friends? use a dictionary to know the meaning of friends bro

Are they enemies tbk417?