₦airaland Forum

Wow! Really realistic!

Still don't like tattoos though.

Looks quite good. There's God hope.

Okay.

prof800: AW: Food
AS: Plenty of Food


tags: speedyboi, candygosh, annieclark, Jayboy124, shimish, spywareczar, Tos87, ladanski, Chuksxy, Enypie, GatJokez, GbemiOO, Delightful1, luxanne, dre11, Suxxman.

Na so you like food reach

Give us smth different joor...

Lol...

'Palkanging' lo shey o...

Most people commenting here clearly didn't get the OP.

Wow! Can't still believe this woman is really dead. It was like I lost a close friend when I read of her demise.

May her soul rest in peace. Her good works will continue to speak for her, even in her grave.

The evil good that men do will live after them.

VillageBoi: It's not about 'applying corrections' but actually about figuring the importance of the first 10 pages of a feature film and what HAS TO be found in that period of time.

Noted.

VillageBoi: No problem.

Bro, thanks very much. I appreciate. I have replied your mail.


Yeah, the script is booooring like mufex pointed out. And I hope you guys weren't confused with the characters sha?

I will apply corrections where appropriate. Thanks to EVERYONE that commented and took time to read. I know time is money.

VillageBoi: Did you get my 'other' email last night?

I didn't o. I don't have access to my former mail. Please, send tge the 'other' email and the 'full analysis that will break my heart' to oladesuolusola@gmail.com. thanks.

VillageBoi: Hmmmm I have quite a bit that I've written about this but I don't think I'm going to post it here. You have given us a glimpse of the first 20-30mins of your feature and if I say what I want to it will absolutely break your heart.

All I can say is THINK about what a feature screenplay is and think about what you have written.

Hmmmm....thanks bro.

I will THINK about what it is. Thanks for not breaking my heart though. But please, send your full analysis to my mail.

MarvellousGod: no invite yet, just want to be preparing as I dey idle..

Good morning

Morning bro. You're very efficient sha.

MarvellousGod: ohh, thanks alot...atleast I can now rest, because reading on this thread on how helpful the material was to those that wrote earlier, I was worried about not having the materials and I no wan carry last



But Please, can you be more specific, gmat and gre have many sections you know..sentence correction, passages, antonyms, synonyms, maths etc...

Sorry, if I'm asking too many questions

Guy, dem don invite you for test? 'Cos I've not received any test invite oh.

.

@Villageboi.

Thanks for your post above.

I actually have the end of this script (in your words ) 'locked down', and the middle is a bit 'fuzzy', not because it isn't known yet but the detailed modus operandi of events as they unfold.

The truth is my goal for this script is to gradually build tension as events unfold. I'm using the 'strange' characters and their interactions along with flashbacks to hold the interest of viewers. But it seems Nigerians all want 'something' to start happening from the beginning or smth...dunno, which is not bad though, but not too good imo, especially for a feature film.

The movie that I'm using as a 'target/guide' to this script that I'm writing is 'Winter's Bone'. Not the same storyline oo, but I want a similar feel.

mufex: Writing good dialogue is a very perplexing issue. I believe it depends on the rthymn. Sholay's dialogues are okay....I really like his rthymn. I wouldn't say, they are poetic, or very, very realistic. But we all have to admit, 'very realistic' dialogues are very boring. Imagine, recording two people talking for a long time, it could cure insomnia. The only problem I have with sholay's screenplays are just his stories. If he could just take his time to work on a story..plot, story board, brainstorm hooks and tensions. He has the talents, but too dime lazy.

Thanks bro. I appreciate and would work on areas pointed out. *Grabs pen and jots down*

VillageBoi: Hang on!! Na Ingilishi you write? I think say the new edit go be Hindu lol.

Loooool. ..you sef.

I have edited it o.

Cc:

Villageboi
Mufex
Prof800
Ikamenze.

Thanks for all the comments.

Ikamenze: And dis is why I don't comment on any post on nairaland,hell dis is why I don't post any of my work on here...too many people claiming they know too much and are above criticism....Bros nor vex oo....matter of fact,ignore everything i said...stick to ur style...I hope and pray we all make it....goodluck.

Thanks.

mufex: Sholay my man, you can do better. I find the script a bit boring, may be because the interesting part was written in yourba, and the boring part in english/broken english.

Thanks very much bro. I will edit it later.

Though, note this is the beginning of the script. Nonetheless, that's not an excuse for the script not to get your attention.

prof800: how far?
Any new script from you lately?

I don't want to write an epistle so I'll share this link from one of our forums: www.indietips.com/writingcharacter-driven-vs-plot-driven-do-you-know-the-difference/

In another forum, we were arguing that "CHARACTERS TAKE ON A LIFE OF THEIR OWN".
Do you think they do or do not?
Why?


OKAY:
Sholay2011, if you have free time, read this from scriptsecrets:www.scriptsecrets.net/tips/tip364.htm esp. to the point were they talked about a '3-act character'.
Hopefully, it will aid you in building your characters properly.

( no be me say make you choose this kain script... orbiiii )

Looooool

Thanks for the link. I would ensure I update the thread with the edited version of this part pf the script sef.

@ikamenze...

Wow! Thanks bro.

I didn't want to reply so it wouldn't be like I'm against constructive criticism, but for scriptwriters that would visit this thread, let's trash things out.

One, your first criticism was on point, but you should have taken time to read the comments before you sir. Prof800 already pointed that outwithout calling it an epic fail and much more, he SHOWED me how I should write it. Thanks all the same, but I have since applied that to the script itself. Sorry for not editing the one here.

Two, if you be proper naija person o, the dialogue sounds realistic enough. It may not be one of the best dialogues ever written by a Nigerian scriptwriter, but saying it's not REALISTIC AT ALL is pushing your advantage as an 'adviser' too far. Or you expect my characters to say 'fvck', 'wanna', 'gonna' etc? I don't get. Or maybe the Yoruba parts made you feel disconnected with the dialogue (i assume you're Ibo from your moniker)? You can show me your idea of realistic dialogue WITH RESPECT TO THE SETTING OF THE STORY and I will shut my sharp mouth.

In my opinion, my character descriptions are okay. A scriptwriter shouldn't take the job of a (casting) director. The character descriptions like age and other things that are RELEVANT AND GERMANE to the plot should be what the scriptwriter needs to specify. The descriptions should also help create the sense of the setting. One doesn't need vivid descriptions that are unnecessary. #My take#

Sorry bro, we all have our own personal way of putting down our imagination. All the 'don't go near a laptop until you're sure stuff', I don't buy it. And I also read the screenplay of GOOD movies I see. 'The Butler' doesn't have exceptional screenplay, in my opinion. I recommend 'Silver Linings Playbook', 'Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind', 'Pulp fiction' and many others. I have some of them on my laptop, and I study them like you instructed, but I don't write stories in Nigerian setting with my characters speaking like Americans. They speak like the average Nigerian, with respect to their tribe, the way they mix their local language with English constantly, the way an uneducated naija character won't speak fluent grammar, that's what I write sir.

Lastly, the way you came across in your last criticism is not good enough. No vex abeg, I just don't take bullsh*t. We don't write the same way. Haven't you hearf of character-driven stories? A story could be driven by characters or the plot. Character-driven stories tend to create more memorable characters who evemtually drive the plot, which is what I like. Lemme recommend the following movies for you: 'Silver Linings Playbook' 'Orange is the new black', 'American Hustle'.

Don't call what you don't 'get' a mistake bro, asking questions wouldn't hurt.

I am sorry if I sounded anyway 'silly' but I just had to respond. One love bro. I just don't swallow what I'm told hook, line and seaweed.

RayMcBlue: Believe me, Vee is an entirely different kind of animal. Opportunistic, Manipulative, Vindictive, Cold hearted, Cold blooded, and homicidal. The very woman that had sex with someone before sending him out for groceries in order to have him killed by a corrupt cop. It can't possibly get any more evil than that.

As in...this post just nailed the description of Vee.

lepasharon: Black Cindy is hilarious

Abi na.

Bawss1: While the Vee character was well done she didn't strike me as very memorable or outstanding for a villain/antagonist. Just a regular tv series meanie, no where near the greats like Joffery in Game of Thrones or Frank Underwood in House of Cards.

Well, art is subjective.

Vee was not the villain that would be 'all over your face'. Her actions truly dictate the kind of human being she is. Also, the portrayal was very realistic. The necessary subtlety was used to portray the character. The writing of the character, I also commend.

The last time I felt 'what I felt seeing Vee' was when I saw Heath Ledger as Joker in 'The Dark Knight'. Now, that's an 'all over your face' villain.

I was floored by the Vee character.

Can we list our 5 favourite characters on the series (at least based on seasons 1& 2)? Here are mine:

*Vee- Terrible, manipulative and cold-hearted woman, the perfect recipe to hate the character (if not careful sef, the actress ), but I'm a sucker for solid acting and memorable, superbly-written characters, irrespective of whether they are villains or protagonists.

*Piper Chapman- Well, our main protagonist...what else can I say? And she really 'carried' Season 1. Also a bonus, the actress that played the character (Taylor Schilling) is beautiful.

*Red- The antagonist we later had to root for when 'Madam' Vee came into the picture. I love me some red...and some russian accent.

*Crazy eyes- Well, the name says it all. And the Nigeria-related lady that played this character (Uzo Aduba) is a supreme talent. I think this is the most heartbreaking character in the series, even with her few scenes. Also could be sometimes annoying (especially when 'used' by others).

*Pennsatucky/Morello/Nicky/Poussay- This is a tie.

Lol.

^^^^^^
Looool.


I actually thought it was pronounced the way RayMcBlue said.

Bawss1: Vee's death was just ridiculous and poorly thought out by the writers. I mean you escape from prison through a secret tunnel and then decided to hitch a ride the rest of the way or what? And you don't think to stay away from the road or away from a vehicle that looks like one operated by the Department of Corrections? C'mon, who does that. That was just unbelievable!

Hmmm...I disagree with this post sir.

Nice effort.

I liked the mixture of Yoruba and 'English' actors.

I also love the song 'You've got time' by Regina Spektor that's played in the series.

Lovely.

VillageBoi: Teehee, unconscious with wide open eyes like that na real winch skillz... she dead.

You still dey tell them?

Btw, na every series you don watch ni, bro

RayMcBlue: IMDb and Wikipedia tells one presumed details which can be subject to CHANGE anytime cuz "Nothing is definite." Unless you're path of the production team, your assertion holds no water, no offense. Good day.

I've heard you sir.