₦airaland Forum

You are missing the point. Your wife does not approve of this friendship...simple. That or she hates the guts of one of your friends. No other explanation is tenable.

NO. He needs to grow up, he needs to prove that he is in love with you and not his friends, and he needs to get to work. Financial stability is critical in modern day marriage.

COMPAQ:
What process in Saudi is more sophisticated?? Saudi oil is shallow and on land. You could almost drill with a water borehole machine and hit oil.

Nigeria is swamp and offshore. More than 50% of Nigeria current oil output is from offshore where you are drilling at depths of 7,000- 13,000 feet.

What are you saying!?

Bros so in your mind which will be more expensive?

I wish they can deliberate the cost of maintaining two legislative houses with this seriousness and openness too. They should benchmark 3rd world countries like ours too.

Ma'am I sympathize with this situation. It's obvious some things are not right (if it took three years for you to discover that your parents in law had an accident, regardless of where they were coming from). But I will recommend you do not dwell in the past. The most important things for you going forward are your husband, and your children. Your goals should be
1. To get your home back to how it used to be
2. To protect the future of your children
3. To give your dad a befitting burial

The model I always recommend is for each spouse to deal with their families. Your husband should discuss your family issues with you before discussing with your brother. At least he should feel the pulse of his decisions and recommendations, and likewise you too. He knows his people more than you do, and you know yours more than he does. That way you can pre-warn each other on what to or not do or say with or around in-laws. "In-lawship" is a very sensitive relationship that needs to be carefully managed, no matter how rosy or otherwise things seem.

Like I said earlier, channel your energy in achieving 1, 2, and 3 above, and life can be happier for you. If you can work the peace angle as a mark of respect for your dad, I'm sure he will be proud of you.

Twinkleme:
The founfation 1. Thank you very much for your input. The foundation use to be very strong until two years ago.
2. My husband suggested burying my Dad in a vault after depositing his body at the mortuary cause he felt that will be a befitting burial and that it doesn't matter what the grave people do with his body to my elder brother-I was not there but my brothers felt it was insensitive of him to have made such sugestion.

3. I have been married for about five years not two years. I heard that the reason why they have never said congratulations to my parents is because they almost had an accident when they travelled back after our wedding. As mentioned in my post, me and my family did not know until about two years ago. I do keep in touch with my husband's family especially his parents and do the little best I can do.

It's quite unfortunate that just when I spoke to my mum about the need for peace-I lost my Dad

If I had read this I would not have responded at all. You summarized it perfectly. OP needs to channel her energy to making her home than observing the flaws of 3rd parties that do not have that much of a stake in your marriage. As long as your husband is okay with this, I recommend you guys go 'nuclear'. It will help your bonding.

Kachisbarbie:
I await the people that'll say you don't like your horsebands' family.

RIP to the your dad,tough time for your family .

Is the issue that your inlaws don't call your parents? What of your parents, do they call them? I really don't see any issue here, forgive me for that.

If your parents call them too, they should have been aware they 'almost had an accident', because I expect them to have called to confirm if they got home safely and in the course of that call, they should have mentioned the averted accident. So, I think they reserve the right to be angry but bearing a grudge for so long is the problem.
If your parents called and they didn't mention it, ignore all the rubbish up there .

The problem I have with most people in life/marriage is that they expect too much from others.
You don't greet me_ I don't have to respond, we both save energy.
I marry you don't call me_ it doesn't stop the marriage.
I born, you still don't call_ it doesn't stop my child from growing, neither does it reduce his/her IQ. That's the kinda person I am, it has helped keep my sanity in check. Adopt this style and you'll live longer.

No, you don't have to slave for any human, be it inlaw or nah. If only women can stop all the pseudo-humility.
If you don't like something or can't do something, say it as politely as possible _ don't expect anyone to read your mind.

Ignore your husband's suggestion on how to bury your dad, maybe that's his view on how people should be buried. In the longrun, he gave his suggestion (albeit a stoopid one). The final decision lies in your family's hands.


I simply have a 'good relationship' with them. I ignore, I try not to count their f*ckups, because if I do, I must treat it.
Life is a whole lot easier that way.

My honest and candid response
1. Foundation of the relationship is shaky. Anything with a shaky foundation is in trouble. This must be addressed. All parties need to sheath their sword and come together. Only you and your husband can facilitate this. Until you are both ready, the status quo will continue.
2. Not all things that are discussed behind closed doors need to get out. If your husband wants your dad buried in a vault, that should be between you and him. Not for you to get a loud speaker to notify all family members about what your husband said. Point being, long after you have forgiven him, those that you have involved will not.
3. Your family bond was evaded too early. In marriage, the husband and wife need to bond first, and become a solid unit, before you allow any family interference. Don't forget that your husband lived with his family for 20+ years, and like wise you. It will take an extra-ordinary bond, borne out of love, and submissions, for your 3 years+ relationship to overcome all that.

Of what benefit is a "thank you" from your parent's in-law because you delivered 'your own child'? When you escalate such unimportant things in a relationship, things like this are bound to happen. Personally I think you need to redirect your energy towards making your home work, rather than analyzing the wrong doings of 3rd parties that are secondary to your marriage.

I also think for the purpose of objectivity, you smartly left some important details, but I sense some possible ethnic difference in all of this. If so, please note that Nigeria is very diverse, and what you take as a value (communication, greeting, etc), is a piece of cake to some others. And not intentionally so.

On the demise of your Dad, I sincerely commiserate with you.

I also had an experience at the ATM 2 weeks ago. Diamond bank ATM beside Germaine to be precise. Before it was my turn to withdraw, I saw this young looking woman, most likely in her mid 30s. The way she stood there beside a bike man, my thought was that she was either waiting her turn or waiting to pay the bike guy. I gently walked up to one of the machines, picked some cash and dashed into Germaine to pick up my car. Just as I was approaching my car after about 30 minutes of engagement in the office, I sighted this woman again and the story began. According to her, she has four children, and her daughter died 2 days ago, she was asked to pay around 17k to bury the girl so the dead daughter is still in her house. I was shocked to say the least. Can this be true? A dead daughter and 3 live children with this woman. I was so shocked I had to ask a few questions
1. Where are the other 3 children? She said she had taken them to another location.
2. Where is your husband? She shrugged and said that was a long story.
3. Don't you have any relatives? She shrugged once more....and acted as if to show me pictures from her phone. I actually told her I was willing to render any physical assistance, if she needed it but she said she would be fine if I could just assist her financially. Anyway, in my mind I just knew I had to help this woman. It is either she has lost her daughter, or she has lost her mind. Either way, she needed help, cos no sane human being will choose such a lie. I gave her what I could and wished her all the best

barcanista:
I don't think Buhari understand what he's up to. The above listed "wishes" are the primary responsibility of government and not foreigners. Curbing corruption is Buhari's job. Increased FDI will only happen if there is conducive sociopolitical and economic environment. Infrastructure, power etc are Buhari's responsibility. Buhari better return to Nigeria if he has no concrete request to make.

The fact that a man goes to the doctor to complain about childlessness after marriage does not mean he cannot locate his wife's reproductive organ. If it was that easy to resolve, we won't be where we are. A President is a President no matter where he is at any point in time. And to be called to bring your agenda to G7 summit leadership even before assuming office is like winning the lottery. There's no point reinventing the wheel when these guys have tested and trusted formulas plus with the state of our finance we can do with some aid here and there.

Yes it is proper, if you own the club.

idupaul:
So you believe a young man that made his dreams come true by becoming an international superstar at the age when U were or are still disturbing your father for money is not smart enuff to make a common 2;1 , keep deceiving urself

1,000 likes bro.

Thandolwethu: I read ur notes unbiasedly and with great awareness and interest because I was in SA for 3 years. I was sent on a foreign assignment from my company to a big chemical company in Secunda ( u know the one i'm referring to).
You are correct in most of your points but there can be a better perspective to life than killing fellow humans be them foreigners, brothers, or mere common criminals.
I know what Hillbrow has become now, but I also know a lot of progresses have been facilitated by foreigners in SA. Being the largest economy in Africa can only be a result of ur attractive market and it is only expected that foreigners will be part of that economic growth just like we have in Nigeria.
The whole world views Africa from the perspective of SA and I know u guys are well poised to do better. I also know that these hate killings were by some frustrated few who just chose to take law into their hands, and hopefully it will be behind us sooner rather than later. IMO this xenophobia has been lingering for too long, cos even back then in 2005 I had to explain to every TOM, DICK and VUSI that I was only there for a short term and I was not competing for their job. Your government can come up with policies similar to AA to provide some leverage for u against foreigners rather than force some into these heinous acts.
SA is big and beautiful and have prospered so many foreigners. Keep the Love and do away with the Hate. We are brothers.

OohMpa:
[color=#808000]Open your mallage photo album, bring out your wedding pinshure, put am for table....

Snap yourself, put am for table....

Look "Before", look "After", look "Before"again and look "After"again.....

It's called Akpu Tlansformation
Thank Ooh Mpa later [/color]

Funny but true....especially if the initial cause of attraction is gone. But since he is faithful, I recommend a discussion. He may be unaware of your need. Sometimes you also need to ask for it......same bed, once a month.....you self get low libido.

Teespice:
hmmm

while I love Fashola and his style of governance plus how he has transformed Lagos state for better, his speech is sort of inciting people to vote for the APC.

he spoilt an erstwhile beautiful speech towards the end by talking about PDP, thereby giving the impression that if PDP is voted, Lagos will turn out for worse.

he should have maintained neutrality in his speech.

just my observation.......... I might be wrong.

remember to vote according to your conscience. may the best person between ambode and agbaje win.

Good observation but I agree with Fashola in pointing ALL to the benefits that will be derived from voting in the APC candidate. I particularly like where he emphasized that Lagos will even thrive better with Federal support.

Truth be told, no parent no matter how impartial you are will be happy to leave a child in the hands of an unknown or worse still bad guardian, or even worse still a good guardian in the midst of wolves. Fashola is simply displaying his passion for Lagos by asking you to answer those questions truthfully then go out to Vote. I am sure when you are done answering, you will conclude that voting in APC which will definitely align Lagos with the center is the only option for now for all genuine lovers of Lagos

Good job GEJ....Intent unknown but impact is phenomenal

Chylo: Oga, you over complicated this matter. This has been discovered since the time of Pythagoras.

If you need to square a 2-digit number ending in 5,

Multiply the first digit by itself, add 1, and then put 25 on the end (It is ALWAYS 25).

That is all!

You are trying to say the exact same thing as the OP only that you got it wrong with the "add 1". You need to "add the first digit" which is the exact same thing the OP said, and it's not as complicated as you make it sound.

I particularly like to engage in discuss like this one. And whether we accept it or not, opinions will differ and we will in most cases find ourselves on one side of divide. However, i like SEGUN-OGBE's comment. It is the truth that several of us looked up to Reuben Abati during his time at Guardian newspaper. I even read his weekly column on 'This day' and hoped for the time such upright personalities will be given the opportunity to turn things around. But look where we found ourselves. This just goes to buttress the fact that the days of 'looking for good people' is long gone. What we need now is a good system that will ensure things are in the right place and done appropriately. Leadership Newspaper have a freedom to express themselves. If anyone feels they have lied or maligned their character in anyway, they should go to court.
SINCERE NIGERIAN was right that there may be a need for an increase in fuel price due to the dwindling cost of crude. However being producers of crude, it's head you win, tail you win. If the price of crude increases, we make more money as a nation. Our fiscal bouyancy increases (don't forget our budget is fixed on a carefully thought price of crude per barrel). The same is the case if the fuel price drops because we benefit from drop in cost of imported refined products. In dire situations, the excess crude account should act as a buffer so we do not find ourselves changing the price of refined products like tomato or chewing gum.
Also let us look at those achievements you mentioned below. None is completed yet as most are either at the incipient stage or still being planned, so we cannot call them achievements just yet.
Lastly Kudos should go to GEJ for an improved election however there's a difference between 'credible' elections and 'acceptible' elections. On the right track but not there yet.

@Spyder: Talking about Parapet, what is the estimated material requirement for parapet construction for a house with roof size of about 12m X 23m? I am also thinking that some wood for form work can be gotten from the materials used for decking. Please advise.

@Spyder: You are the bomb.......Thanks a lot.

@Spyder/Brabus: Great builders, i have loved this thread even though i just saw it. The way you guys have provided answers has been very enriching, thanks. @Spyder - I did not really understand the color chart you posted. Is it a chart of possible roof colors only, or a chart of how to match a roof color to a house color? I also want to find out if a black stone coated roofing material (which i love so much and want to use) will mean more heat in my home in the long run. Secondly, whats the major difference in terms of reliability (leaks etc) and durability between a long span aluminium roof and a stone coated roof material and which would you recommend based on your experiences.

Hi Samla i am interested in your current prices for the two types of stone coated roofing materials. Also want to know which you would advise your client to use between the long span aluminium and the stone coated material and why? My email is opeomotoso@gmail.com

Osaze SORRY FOR YOURSELF.

X-factoria: Your explanations show you have a good understanding of the land use act and even the politics of EFCC. How can OGD be arrested or summoned for allocating/selling a piece of land that will bolster Educational development in his state. LBS was a concession and how much did they pay? It is at the prerogative of the Ministry in charge of lands, sanctioned by the governor to make provision of land for such use.

That being said, i see this as a gimmick by EFCC to design an arrest and a subsequent release of OGD. Or how can you explain someone who has obviously mismanaged FUNDS incredibly without any meaningful development, being summoned for sale of land. Is he the commissioner in charge of lands? Arrest the man for more tenable and cogent reasons.

I just bought a brand new unlocked BB storm 2 for $239 2 weeks ago from ebay. It does not have a 5 MP camera. But a 3.2MP and it has the wi-fi. I think that can work for you. If you are interested, i can help with the purchase but the problem will be getting it down sooner as i will only travel to Nigeria in December. I just admire your modesty and sincerity which should be encouraged.

Nellyon:
Same freaking thing. I am saying this is the Nigerian expression(in some cases the globally accepted expressions)for these things. You and the poster did not post this here to compare expressions. You posted this to demean the Nigerian expressions in comparison to others from around the world.
And i say this not just cos of patriotism for Nigeria, but more cos of the fact that i have loads of degrees on the English language and there still exists something called 'Mother Tongue Interference'.

@Nellyon: You seem to be more of a mind reader than the English major you claim to be. Sometimes you just need to read to know,  Re: You Know You've Been Out Of Nigeria Too Long When You Start Saying. This is the topic and it has nothing whatsoever to do with 'mother tongue'.

At this point i'll advise you build up your humour and loosen up, life is not all up tight, and you'll make more impact by pursuing the positives in life than shouting out and dwelling on what you perceive as negative. You epitomize our beloved "NIGERIA". On your 'loads' of degree in English, CONGRATULATIONS, i'll advise you display it in your choice of words and decency. 

Nellyon:
Is Ketchup not tomato sauce made and bottled up?
DSTV is a service provider of Pay per view

you slow b.a.astard.

@Nellyon I'll not join issues with you over your choice of words, however you missed the humour in all of this. No one, not even the poster said the comparisons we are making are corrections, we are simply discussing expressions in other parts of the world. I admire your passion for Nigeria though.

High Maintenance is a purely relative description.

You may think you are high maintenance and yet be cheap to the prospective suitor, and you may think you are cheap and yet be a high maintenance to the prospective suitor. The bottom line is to cut your coat according to your cloth. Want what you can afford, any extras come as a bonus.

What is not relative though, is your attitude and general comportment. A woman with self esteem will have self esteem even when she's having a bad day, that's an area you can build on. I think there's a suitor for every class. You are not disadvantaged in anyway by your class or taste, however you may be disadvantaged by your attitude. I for one will at least have a second date with a lady who has self confidence and who can make a conversation with a sense of humour as well as good dress sense (designers might be a + with the right combo and colour), than a lady who has low self confidence (designer or not).

In reality, a good, right sized dress combination that 'fits to the teeth' will get a second look as against GUCCI/LV/PRADA/MESSONI in a bad colour combination with no fitting. You get what i mean, Regardless of what any man says, the outward attraction gives the opportunity to express what you have in you, especially in a chance meeting. My opinion though,

Well i live in the states and there's not much i miss but the people i have had a relationship with be it family or friends. The food over here is even more in terms of variety and delicacy. I have left the rotation of eba, amala, semo, fufu and rice. The only problem i have is ther fear of returning to my country. How i wish things were a lot different.

We have all talked about insults, shifting of goal posts, the wrong target etc but have we considered the naturalisation policy (if any) for expats working in Nigeria. All i am driving at is simple; i can chose who i allow into my home and i can lock my door whenever i chose, if you want to leave earlier the better, else you need to abide by my rules. We have lived in a country where aggression is the order of the day and all we have to show for it is B.H, MEND, OPC etc. We need to be rational in our reasoning once a while. If you do not want to abide by the laws of the land by the owners of the land, the door is wide open. The best we can do is to make Nigeria better with our little actions and attitudes and hope it cascades upwards. If UK was filled with death threats, will we be rushing there?

From the Nigerian constitution, Naturalization policy (Section 27 sub section 2)

(g) he has, immediately preceding the date of his application, either-

(i) resided in Nigeria for a continuous period of fifteen years; or

(ii) resided in Nigeria continuously for a period of twelve months, and during the period of twenty years immediately preceding that period of twelve months has resided in Nigeria for periods amounting in the aggregate to not less than fifteen years.

The level of our gullibility is alarming in this country called Nigeria. Turbines are not designed and built overnight yet this Professor is claiming credit for the efforts obviously put up by his predecessors. It also baffles me that he is taking credit for spinning reserve that will never be available for use by customers.
As a nation we need to move beyond celebrating mediocre milestones and get back to work. 3,900 MW for 150 million + people in a country that generates an average of N29 trillion per day on sales of crude oil only (2.5M BOPD @ $75/barrel @ N155/$). No social security benefits, no proper retirement benefits for government workers, no NITEL, no RAILWAY, no GOOD ROADS, no SECURITY, substandard GENERAL HOSPITALS, 'they want to take away subsidy', and yet, they are celebrating 3,900MW, celebrating Nigeria @ 50. Delta state using huge sums to celebrate Xmas. These are ridiculous unchallenged of public funds. We need to start asking the right questions from these people. Where is all this money going to?
What is our press doing reporting cheap news like this one. No questions asked, no road maps drawn, no cost implication explained to us, no cost benefit analysis, no projection, no timeline, no reason for increase, yet they report. We need to have a yard stick (by experts) for measuring success and use this during every report especially from public officers.

Tomato or ranch sauce instead of Ketchup.

Pay per view instead of DSTV.

Paycheck instead of Salary.

Hi instead of good morning.

Miles instead of minutes.

OR when you start asking for a booklet menu in Mr. Biggs?

@Blue Diva: Whoever you are, where ever you are, you are blessed. Our God is not a jerk but the most High. I agree with the writer to a large extent but i do not share the part THAT RELIGION is to blame for our woes, rather I'll blame the lack of it. To start with, how truthful are we as a people to the different religions we profess? Our leaders cart away huge sums of money and go to church the next sunday without any remorse. Our religious leaders gallivant the world on private jets (and collect moneys from whoever regardless of the source) while members wallow in abject poverty. Those that are benevolent enough to assist, see it as an opportunity to take undue advantage of the assisted. Our youths are on the internet perpetrating all sorts of nefarious acts, yet they'll lead the prayer calls every Friday. They halt all evil activities during the fasting period (means they know what is right) and resume the very next day after. So many examples to give about our untruthfulness to the religion we profess, and that brings me back to the article and my humble submission. I strongly agree that people need to start being accountable whether political leaders, religious leaders or even parents and youths but in a country where morals count for NOTHING, we would be far worse off had their been no religion.