₦airaland Forum

Too much lies , Kia . That’s why I hardly give beggars on the street, I rather go to orphanage homes

Salvador1:
And what is this
Oshio is a bloody hypocrite
Trying to score a political point but end up shooting himself.

that man is very funny

So make I die because I never marry �

Ladyhippolyta88:
Same here ooo.
Team neutral

I won’t even be voting . But I like Erica tho , but the show is too scripted. Can’t deal

brodalikeme:
Something wey suppose dey crime section don become celebrity news abi

how ?

Petyprincess:
Finally!!

my princess

I

emmax27:
And I can't wait when I'd see a lady squirt, Biko whenever you experience it do tell me bout it, or better still we lock ourselves in a room running marathon till you squirt

I feel you

I want to be rich

crackkhaus:
Chats don't lie..

Yawns****

bukatyne:
I think I have indulged you enough from my other thread.

Now run along.

lmao , seriously who did u indulge? In what thread? ,, pretty sure u were also spiting poo just like u r doing here.

bukatyne:
If in all my posts on this thread you think I am so concerned about her marriage, then you need to put on your thinking cap (no offense).

She is free to try conceiving with another person afresh.

did u read ur message I replied to ,, ?

tabithababy:
.

Genuinely love You guys just use the word love anyhow?? How can a man go and impregnate another woman outside his matrimonial home and still be claiming genuine love

am tired of these people

bukatyne:
@oyoolima:

Fear catch me to quote that post! Kilode?

She is at a disadvantage because she is the one with the issues so if she walks away from him today, she is going to start the journey of trying to conceive afresh except she marries another man not interested in kids with her (divorcee, widower, impotent, polygamous setting).

Even if she married at 25, she is 34yrs now. Only a man no longer interested in children or spiritually directed to would marry a childless divorcee after 9yrs when her husband allegedly has one.

Maybe those people having heartache on my matter will breath easy now that my same advise is coming from someone else. Some people don't understand critical thinking and analysis without bringing emotions to the table.

This dude might even double his hustle for her to have her kids out of guilt or trying to seek her goodwill.

Hopefully, she will read your post, absorb the message there-in and make a right choice.

Like I say, eye on the goal!

marriage is not the only thing she can do with her life,, n don’t say it like she’s in a hopeless situation n she won’t hv her own kids, she will

oyoolima:
Mavis3, he probably has another phone and all the hanging out has been with the second madam. Funny enough,you've been sponsoring his jaunts and baby mama unknowingly since you share the same account.

One thing I have to say is that you are so lucky that he confessed early,a lot of people leave the surprise for years down the line or even after they're dead .

I also have to say that I agree with bukatyne on this one BUT I disagree when she's says you are disadvantaged. They have layed their own cards,you haven't shown yours at all.

Sentiments aside, you have to be very very clear about what it is you want for yourself in the next 5-10 years at least.


I will deduce that you're a Christian that believes in pastoral input and that is why pastor already called you for meeting,you took husband back immediately meaning that you want the marriage to continue. It is not a bad thing at all.

You have a cowife, no matter how hard you deny it,I am sorry this is the new reality. You have said being with the new baby and fatherhood is the most important thing to your husband now..it is his right and the baby deserves this no matter how painful it is to you,allow him to enjoy fatherhood.

He will be meeting with the woman, and they will be spending time together and bonding over the baby..I know this hurts very much but it is what it is.

OPTION 1: This is for a tough person - Your marriage can continue if you want, you have indicated this by your actions ,so why not?


You have toiled for 9 years,why should you go without securing your own future? Now your eyes have cleared,it's time to amass assets IN YOUR NAME if you have the cash.Instead of spending 5k on pot of soup,you spend 3k and pocket 2k..let the pennies start counting .

Let him pay for nappy,milk, accommodation, hospital visits from his own money and also make sure he pays for his own portion of managing your own home. This one is not your problem.Make a list and know who pays for what.

Look over the deeds to any property very well and make sure your full name is spelled out there eg Mrs Mavis Olulolo Malbaba,nothing like Mrs Malbaba.

If you were abroad,I would say visit a solicitor to make sure all your belongings truly belong to you but you are in Naija so I don't know how it works.

Love is such a fickle emotion,at least the scales have fallen from your eyes even though the deceit was horrible,you don't have to be an enemy to your husband.

Before all this, you were getting along, your relationship was enviable. .

I'm sure that the day he took his vows,he did not plan to be like this but somehow he derailed along the line and chose to live his own truth.I dont blame him o.but you don't have to pay for his decisions.

His betrayal may feel unbearable, you will NEVER forget but you can use it to your advantage.

Look at it this way,you have a free legitimate tank of sperm aka husband at your disposal, free sex(with a condom of course) if he's any good in the bedroom, a chance to have your children within a marriage all from the same father (which ties things up nicely) , reduced utility bills (rent, electricity),a chance to save up money till or if you're ever ready to strike.

Grit your teeth and get the kids first. Allow him to donate his own portion of the money to your IVF or surrogacy endeavour. Why should you pay for it alone? If the IVF works, hopefully it's twins or triplets at a go .That project you were doing ,better halt it and funnel the money into achieving your aim of carrying your own children/ adopting children for yourself.
At this rate,you will finish building with your sweat but won't partake.

Pain passes with time,get what you want first..

In a few years,you may have adjusted to the new reality but you will be a smarter,more cynical version of yourself, hopefully with your own children ,assets in your name and more money in the bank.

You may also have forgiven him to some extent (as the Lord instructed),your relationship will never be the same obviously,it may change to a jaded one,you will still love him(agape style) but with a limit and you will put yourself and your interests first.

Allow yourself to grieve this relationship you thought you had no matter how long it takes ,it will allow you to have a clear head to PLAN for yourself and your future children.

Yes,the child or children will be in your face but surely you will have your own or at least you wait long enough to get your ducks in a row.

This sounds like psychological torture but sometimes,you play fool just to achieve your aim. You can still run away when you get what you want ,don't think this is final.

You can do option 1 very well without turning into a bitter person because you are not just there anymore, you are now more informed and you are taking back your power.


OPTION 2: You cannot manage the betrayal and pain and prefer to start afresh,clean slate with peace of mind,new life,donor sperm or adopt for yourself etc.

No problem,it is possible. Doesn't mean you haven't forgiven,only means you just cannot live in this kind of situation.

OPTION 3: Forgive and forget,allow the peace of the Lord to reign, accept baby and future ones plus the mother.

Leave the account joint and sponsor the new addition.

Some Christians believe this or a variation of it is the sure path to peace of mind ,the single track to heaven and a magic key to opening the womb and having your own kids.
They may be right,I don't know.

Believe me,a lot of people live with option 3 and are fine.

Choose the one that gives you peace.

Marriages bounce back from infidelity depending on the relationship between the spouses and their red lines however your own situation is not that simple.


I will not pretend to understand the pain you're feeling but i believe you can pull through this.

Be Smart and calculative .You are a WOMAN,strong is your middle name.

Pele again.

Nonsense

seunmsg:
Which account should he use since they operate a joint account?

If she takes care of the child from the joint account, she can monitor the amount of money he’s spending on the child effectively. That way, nothing would be hidden from her. The alternative is for them to end the joint account and maintain separate accounts. That way, he will be able to take care of his child but the wife won’t be in the know of so many things again.

The hardline posture you’re advising is actually not the solution. The deed has been done. If she has truly forgiven him, then she need to accept the child as her own. With the acceptance, there should be no big deal in taking care of the child from their joint account. Any which way, the man will spend on that child so the earlier she accepts the reality, the better for her sanity.

Finally, spending on the child jointly won’t stop her from continuing the IVF option. Showing love and care to the innocent child may even hasten God to answer her prayer. There is a saying in Yoruba land that “ori omo l’onpe omo waye”. I wish her well.

Nonsense

Sixfeetbelle:
You're right. Deceitful isn't the right word. Help me out here, if you would. What I meant is that I know some men who won't let this baby mama issue get to the wife at all. If the man wanted the issue to be silent, I know he would have done it. He didn't.

FACT , that’s more reason why I feel , he might even marry the baby mama

Mavis3:
Thank you all for your advice and counsel.

Graxie like you said, I have more than enough advice to pick from. All the comments helped and guided me on making my plans and re strategizing.

On Aunty's Visit;( It's quite lengthy o)

She came by the house yesterday evening and it was for a meeting.
She said she wants to speak sense into me and her Nephew.

She said husband's girlfriend traced her to her home and told her husband doesn't pick her calls or reply to her messages.
That baby is sick and she sent a message to husband and husband did not reply. Husband has left all responsibility to her alone and she is suffering with baby and husband threatened to arrest her when she said she was going to meet with me and tell me her woes.

Aunty said a good wife should encourage husband to be responsible and do good by his child no matter how the child came about. That I have stopped husband to accept the child and to have anything to do with the child and that shows I am not a good wife.

I didn't utter a word. Husband told her to leave me out of all that. He said if she had told him that was her reason for coming he would have adviced her to stay at home and he will find time and see her.

Me I kept quiet and did not say a word.

She gave alot of proverbs and told me to practice the Christianity I profess and show love.
I thanked her for coming and she left.

I did not say or ask any question concerning what she said. Even when hubby saw her off and came back and started apologising for everything that is happening and for Aunty's behavior, the only thing I said was it's ok, I am not offended.

Had to send a message to husbands elder brother that lives in UK. He is very principled and Sincere. And what he says is respected in the family.
Told him what's up and about Aunty coming to.my house to insult my person.

He wasn't happy at all, said he will call Aunty. Don't know what he told them, Aunty called this evening to apologies on how she spoke to me and father in law too called to tell me Aunty acted alone, he is not part of it.

Brother in law also called to tell me he has told Aunty not to further stress me with the issue of husband girlfriend and baby.
That husband should handle his shit.

Right now, I am prepared. Will be taking a leave once the lockdown is over and I am leaving the house for a month. I will be staying with my elder brother in another state for a while.

I have decided that no Kobo of mine will go for the upkeep of the child and I stand by that. Call me wicked I don't care.

I will start processing my transfer to another state where my mother and siblings are, so I will be closer to my family.

I am going to tell him this night that the project we are working on will hold. I want to go for further studies and will need the money.

We are no longer going to have a joint account. The money we have in it we will split.

Once the work transfer pulls through, I am moving to my state.

I need some time alone to breathe.

Thank you all for your advice. If anything new comes up, I will sure let you guys know.

not an easy decision to make but not a bad one either . Do what u think is best for you !! The emotional trauma that goes with this situation isn’t easy at all , stay blessed ,,, n NO U ARE NOT A WICKED WIFE .

Mavis3:
Dear Nairalanders,
I had to open this new account Because I have friends here and family members.

Please kindly advice me on this. As I am so bitter and unhappy right now.

I have been married for close to mine years without a child. I have had two miscarriages and couldn't take in again and we tried IVF once which failed.

My husband has been patient and supportive and have been wadding off any form of interference and other than that we had a beautiful marriage and close friends even think we are a perfect couple.
My pain started some months back when our pastor called me for an urgent meeting. On reaching there I met my husband and pastor told me my husband has a confession to make.
My husband told me he had an affair with a lady for a year which he ended because he was feeling guilty. But the lady had a child for him from the relationship which he just got to know recently when she called to tell him. And baby mama has threatened bringing the child to the house if he doesn't meet her demands.

He begged me for forgiveness and so did our pastor. I was heartbroken but I forgave him and took him back.
Early this morning, he told me he wants my permission to become involved in the child's life and be a father to the child.
We own a joint account and our finances is usually.planned as we talk about what we use money for. He wants us to include the upkeep of his child in our budget for each month .

I feel batrayed,angry and bitter.
I told him i will give him an answer when I am done thinking about it.
But I am not happy and I also feel cheated.

How do I handle this please?
Married folks in the house please I need your advice on this.

Pls mod, front page.

my dear u are in a tough situation, I really hope u see this comment ,,, there is no advice here that will make u feel better , u r in a very depressing situation, n I hv to tell u to cry as hard as u can and get ready , this is gonna be tough. Any decision u make now , will be so important to ur future ,

Firstly do not give out ur money for another woman’s child ,, like it or not , it’s betrayal,,, d don’t be too free n clam , the only time u can consider that is if the child is saying with you , as the graudian , if not ur answer is No .

Secondly,, if the woman wants to be with the child , ur husband has to discuss with u how he’s going to be visiting the lady , n has to promise nothing sexual will happen between them ,, cause the next u will hear is that she’s pregnant for baby number two n they need to get married

Thirdly do not give up on doing an IVf , do everything medical possible to hv a child ,,, n I hope u both had a court marriage,,, don’t trust ur husband, like it or not that kid comes first b4 you, till u hv urs , this is reality !! Pray like never before .

ubunja:
shut up.

Players and Bad Boys marry Virgins. It's not about hiding anything. It's about knowing female nature. After screwing 200 men, a woman can't bond with number 201. Players and Bad Boys know this. Remember JayZ married Beyonce while she was a virgin. You would be crazy to think JayZ had poor bed skills.

Take your propaganda elsewhere.

And I personally always tell guys to find a virgin and turn them into a wh0re. That's how things work.

lol u all wonder why there r sugar mummies looking for young boys to shine their Kongo , lol

bukatyne:
Did I at any point force you to read this thread or prescribe a way to leave your life?

Am I stopping you from doing whatever you like right now?

My dear, whatever you like, carry go.

b4 nko

Allsingles:
5G network is disturbing your brain.

lol hahahahahaha

Akunwafor:
Lmao!

What could you possibly compare to child abuse?

he is mentally unwell

bukatyne:
Why do I keep getting 'like my life is perfect' upandan?

Have I ever mentioned that my life is perfect?

Or are my threads an indication of a perfect life?

If your male bestie makes you 'happy', what do you need a boyfriend for?

that’s non of ur business,,, don’t feel u hv to tell people what to do with their lives. Ur life isn’t perfect , everyone is trying to be happy, while u do what u think is right, allow others to do what they think is right .

Lol check his phone , problem solved

..

Romanoff:
I was okay with all you said until I saw the male bestie part and then, some of your comments made it look like a woman can't have a life just cause she's hoping to get married.

A woman can have a male bestie and it will be a pure friendship. Any man who can't handle a woman who has a male beat friend should just leave her alone and go for one who doesn't.

Why should a woman throw her friendship away because of relationship that might end tomorrow.

Instead of controlling the crowd she moves with, why not look around for a woman who flows with your kind of crowd?

This kind of thinking makes it looks like a man should change a woman to suit him.

How about you look for woman that suits you in the first place?

The happening guy verse boring guy part. See ehn, every woman has what she wants in a man. Some like the happening guys and some just want a quiet life.

I've seen these fast life girls marry a boring guy and still want to club why husband is home. I know one sef that left her baby at home while her husband travelled so she could go clubbing.

Just have the right qualities you want in a partner and date with a purpose. My two cents.

well said

bukatyne:
There is a difference between male friends or buddies and male besties. The post talked of male besties.

And I tell you that even after you pick someone with same values (the template) you will still tweak once in a while. Humans change, nobody is static.

u speak base on ur asumptions , hv u had a male bestie b4 ? Nah definitely not. Stop telling people how to live their life , life is too short for all these fucjed up rules up n down ,,, why will I not hv a male bestie when he makes me happy as a friend,,,because u think I hv had sex with him ?, so I should live my life base on what u think ? When u hvnt even lived life enough? Not like ur life is perfect!

Take a sit, u won’t stop anyone from hving a male bestie if they wanna . N that won’t stop them from hving a man or getting married . Not like marriage is any achievement!! But base on it’s the only thing u think in ur life . I will conclude on that note ..

Anyone who Escape the isolation center , should be killed when found, wicked bastard

goodnessme1:
Why killing the innocent Vipers.

innocent? Demonic bunch !! Tufia

babajero:
lock down was never and will never be an antidote, it was just a process of effective isolation and not a treatment, China has the treatment before the lock down was initiated. For your information lock down wouldn't have eradicated corona virus from China especially Wuhan within 2 months and some days with the number of infected recorded.

when I see comments like this ,, I just get to understand, some people just talk what they don’t know,,

How many pandemics hv u experience in ur life ,,
Okay let agree u hv seen a lot ,, was it corona virus(Covid 19)?
How can u be so sure of a statement u cannot prove ,, China is not the only country benefiting from this isolation process Germany is doing well also ,, oh yes they planned it together.

U all need to loook at the brighter side . The spread is the problem not the illness , understand that ,, the US r unable to control it cause of the high level of cases , which outweighs their medical tools n personnel. Isolation is the antidote, and China has proved that . They hv nothing to gain hiding the antidote till now , cause trust me the whole world is coming for China after this .

allandutch:
I don't even understand why they're so image conscious. Look at what they've achieved over the years.

it’s crazy, they share false news about a lot of things to boost their ego ,, bloggers hv no freedom to post obvious fact . They share what they want the world to know, or what they just can’t hide anymore .. sickening ,, that’s why a lot of countries hv issues being allies with them ,, they behave suspiciously.