TheYoungRebel:
Mr., just live your live, do things without her, go out hang around, let her know that you can sail through without her. Make her realise that you are the king and live up to it. I assure you she will learn to love you more.

this is what happens when you take advice from people who can hardly keep a relationship. They will want you to be as misreable as they are instead of working things with someone you love. Beware of NL witches

charlezok:
I am a 36 year old man in pretty good shape, 6'2" and good looking. I am a very affectionate and loving person, but my wife is not. I am always the one to initiate sex, hugs, kisses, or any type of physical contact. I don't understand why she's so cold to me. I love her with all my heart, but she is breaking me down. I have tried doing more of the housework, working out 5 days a week, anything I could think of to get her more interested in me but nothing works. She tells me that she loves me, but she doesn't make me feel loved at all. I want her to want to be with me without me asking her too. We have 2 kids that I am committed to being here for, so I am at a loss as to what I should do. Sorry for rambling, but a brother needs help here.

telling this to your wife instead of asking people who dont know her for help is a much better solution. Don't whine about it, just communicate it to her nicely and see if she will not change her.

martyns303:
my brother take my advice with all sincerity, as am typing this am in a state of mind that i cant really explain, a bit depression, fear and uncertain. Am also in SA, things are not bad for me, as a matter of fact am living good. however the standard of living here is so expensive that you may work for years and not be able to save anything reasonable to start a life in NIgeria. I've seen people in your kind of situation here, and trust me when i tell you i've given 2 guys R5K each, that's alomost a total of N200K to pay fair back to Nigeria cos they couldn't even afford ticket. Most of the guys doing well here are from rich family, mostly children of politicians, when you go to a Nigerian restaurant to eat, thats when you will really see people with serious problems. My brother please i beg you in God's name, if you know your not on solid grounds, dont come and contribute to the already bad reputation of Nigeria in this country, I beg you, i wish i can elaborate more but am really not a person of words, a word they say ......

i understand where you are coming from but i dont think thats mecessarily the case. Even people from average families are making it.
All you need to do is get further your studies in SA and it may be easier to get employment that way. I know of someone who wanted to use his Nigerian qualifications to get a job in SA. It was quite hard for him. He ended up going back home and came back after about 3years for school and things are better for him now. He is not from a well-to-do family.

lovelygurl:
I think she was wearing those 'waist trainers' corset and that is y her waist is tiny.

But will she b able to get pregnant with such tummy

a baby develops in her lower abdomen area not her stomach

firstEVA:
This is the kind of woman men who patronize prostitutes like.

but there are many skinny shapeless and fat shapeless prostitutes that men still patronise

I see at least 10 women in SA that look like that on a daily basis, no bleaching and no cosmetic surgeries. Really nothing out of the ordinary about her.

ArchEnemy:

Spiritual headship is part of the whole package Bro.
You are the Pastor of your home.
No allow me write my own prayer request join o.

lol at pastor of your home.

pickabeau1:


OK..if it works for u..good for u

it has and thank you

pickabeau1:


OK


do you believe the family should have a head

who should be the head of family

i already answered when the 2 become one they head the family as one.

thorpido:
I'm just being sarcastic.The bible actually expects us to separate the wheat from the chaff.
Not many can tell the difference.

true

pickabeau1:


Correct most of the time

What of the times when they have different decisions

you sit down and talk it out, here the other persons reasons and concerns first. If you still can't agree you can always have a third party who is impartial help you come up with a decision, if there is need to compromise he or she has to compromise for the sake of peace in the home.

Maybe there are his relatives why is the OP so quick to judge. Some people simply have a Spirit of Gossip disturbing their lives.

thorpido:
you no fear 'anointing'?

i have the same annointing on me as well, he will be tapping into it.

pickabeau1:



You have not answered my q rather asking me more questions

A family has a wife and a husband who become one, meaning they both head the family.
Decisions are made jointly. You dont take action without consulting or informing your spouse. The little you have you share it with your other half, the problems you face you face them with your other half.

If I were her i was probably going to kick him back

pickabeau1:
..


please clarify

- that she recognises the headship of her husband according to her faith...is that the issue?

- also if a man commits an act and says cheats on a woman...he should no more be the head? the woman is of course free to divorce however if there is reconciliation.. the wife can now be rude to him etc

- are u saying that because humans are imperfect there should be no head of the family?

explain what pastors mean by "you two have become one" when you get married?

Unless you are telling me that marriage is even a union between 2 people where they promise to love and respect each other until death separates them?

If you look at the number of Nigerian guys that can barely afford to feed themselves 3times a day but can afford spending 24hrs on NL cursing feminists, you will surely weep for them.

You cant make a difference in your own life or community but you still expect a woman to be surbodinate to you. Too many jokers out there i tell you

lezz:
Lol, I am the average Nigerian man and we treat a true woman with sweet femininity with respect, adoration and consideration.

1.Really explain the dozens of women killed by Nigerian men for ritual purposes?

2.The millions of foreign women married by Nigerian men for papers.

3. The thousands of women scammed by Nigerian men. Romance scams and false misrepresentation cases.

4. The RNs in the USA killed by their Nigerian husbands just to collect their life insurance policy?

5. The number of wives abused and neglected by their Nigerian husbands on NL alone is alarming.


This is what they taught you? You definition of respect and adoration is clearly redundant. Lets talk about whats really happening in society not fairy-tales.

Or better yet explain why Nigeria was taken of the US Lottery Competition? Do come back and tell me it wasnt because of the fraduluent behaviour of Nigerian men.

now get a pen and a pad let me teach you what you never learnt in school:

feminism has diminished the power and influence of women over time. women have one true God given power ; and it's in her meekness, and feminine allure which all men find breath taking and irresistible. that's the exact opposite of the male's aggressive disposition.

please dont bring God into this because he already said that everyone is equal in his eyes.

all of human history is rift in women who used her feminine grace to liberate her community. the bible has Esther, Ruth, etc who used their inherent feminine grace to achieve remarkable deed without pretending to be men.

before you school me please note that femininity and feminism are 2 different things with different meanings.
Chimamanda is feminine and she is still a feminist.

feminism says the female has no difference with the male and wishes to usurp all authority.

Are men superior to women? probably not.

thank you for this. End of discussion.

are women equal to men? they are not. complementing each other doesn't mean equality. men are designed by millions of years of evolution to take higher and tougher responsibilities in societies. A woman's ultimate happiness is to have children and be with them.

i dont know which century you are living in but some of us are in 2015. There are female wrestlers, female constrution workers, female doctors, female engineers, female everything. You still want to talk about taking tougher responsibilities.

Mind you child-labour pain is at intense and breaking 5 bones in the body at the same time. How many man do you know that are willing to go through such intense pain over and over again?

Every other goal of career, intellectualism are secondary to her nature.

really and when her husband dies or becomes disabled, holy ghost will come down pay the bills and take care of the children?

Why do you think with the African mentality of most black African men, is the reason why Africa is still behind in terms of economy development?
You fail to focus on whats most important and you put so much significance in trivial things.

lezz:
And the answer to a prospective cheating husband and abusive husband is feminism?

So the lady should stop being sweet or and wifely because other "good" wives ended up with abusive husbands? That's a fearful way to live

Whether a husband be good or bad, the woman has the power to make her home better and nicer, infact the power to run, dictate and organize the home resides with the wive more than with the husband.

Feminism is for weak women who do not posses the innate wisdom to discover their inherent strength and power but chose a cheap means of rebellion and disobedience to have their way.


IT IS FAR FAR EASIER TO BECOME A FEMINIST THAN BECOME A WOMAN OF TACT, WISDOM AND GRACE.

oh gosh now you are confusing femininity for feminism. Please look up the difference between the 2? Ignorancd is the father of all evil.

Beyonce Knowles and Chimamanda Adichies are sucessful married women and they believe in equality for women. Both possess feminine characters, now you why you need to revisit your dictionary to get things straight. If feminism was for the weak i doubt the influence they have in world would be what it is today.

It is only to average Nigerian men that being treated equally with a woman amounts to disobdience. If you are secure with yourself you would see it as 2 people complimenting each other.

dinachi:

Evil woman all you do is attack a woman who makes the word of God has manual in her marriage. What are you offering that is better?
You Satan agents spend superfluous amounts of time online trying to discredit the word of God to satisfy the agenda of satanists who call themselves feminists. Then on Sunday you go to church and continue decieving yourself there.
Any time a good woman insists on doing the right thing you come down on her hard. You are now wishing her evil in her marriage because she submits to her husband. What of millions who do not submit and divorce everyday?
You submit to your boss authority in the office but you won't submit to your husband. You are eternally cursed with foolishness!
Keep deluding yourself.

Any reasonable person who read my post can see i never cursed or wished bad on the orginal person i quoted.
You on the other hand who does not even know my damn first name just came to attack me because i spoke about whats really happening in real marriages in Nigeria today and for what ever reason unknown to human existence im the foolish one? This is stupid on all levels.

Or are you the so called good husbands that curse every woman for speaking the mere truth? Society is better off without you if you ask me.


Your own Pastor Chris Oyakhilome was in the process of going through a divorce on the grounds of neglect and adultery. You want to tell me Anita was not practising God's word when all of this was happening? Or she wasnt decent woman?

A Ugandan pastor divorced his own wife to marry a girl they adopted and until now people go to his Sunday services every day. Tell me his wife wasn't following the will of God when this happened?


You people are funny. There is nothing wrong with seeing the world for what it is, but its quite delusional to see for what ought to be and ignoring what it really is. Take about living in your own artificial world

lolaredvelvet:




I can't dispute that a lot of women go through hell in the hands of men.. But if you read my post carefully, I never claimed to know it all.. I am still very new in my marriage and I'm talking from experience in what I have observed in my parents and aunties marriages, friends, and even my own dating life prior to getting married. Backed up with the word of God which will forever remain truth and life!
So, pls don't wish me bad if you don't want the same to happen to you.

i already made it clear that im not wishing you anything bad, dont know why you still made that last point

The Word of God is the truth and life i agree, but it has never posted married men from going against it even when he has a God-fearing submissive woman at home, thats the point i made.

What is happening in real everyday marriages and what God expects marriage to be like are different things. Which is why i said you still have a lot to learn about life.

seedord247:


So what do you need my pics for? Masturbate or fake it on your profile as your BF?

eewww never mind. Is that what you do with people pictures? I'm a normal person who want to see if you are telling the truth or simply exaggerating, but you took it to a whole new level

lezz:
your knowledge of men, sex and life is subzero!!!!


What that lady with God's own wisdom told you is the gospel truth. It is not open to debate or lame, shameless attempt at analysis.

It takes more strength of character and personality to say what she did. You came off as a coward and a pessimist.

call me a pessimist and a coward but in reality we all see the number of distressed wives who do everything in the good book but still have a cheating or abusive or negligent husband. I speak from what i see, i dont talk simply to make myself appear "like a strong character" and avoid whats really happening out there. Unless you want to delude us with the idea that these things are really not happening in real marriages?

I have made my point, however you see me for it will not make me lose sleep at night.

seedord247:


Says the person that used someone else pics....

i never claimed looking like sunset in the middle east did i? You are shy again?

Do you own Q and A at home, so you can prepare yourself at home.

Sleep properly the night before

Dress nice and simple for the interview

Get there at least 15minutes earlier

Darkrebel666:
I got a question for the feminists on this thread.


do you prefer marrying a man older or younger than you are & why? ✘

marriage should be based on mutual understanding, love, honesty, patience and respect. Age shouldnt be made a priority. Young or older which one ever makes you happy.

Wow she is looking good. Its good she settled down.

lolaredvelvet:


Well, I'm well aware that you are a feminist Ms. Freecocoa , however I do know you are one of the few logical and well mannered ones here on Nairaland. I therefore do hope this can be a civil and respectful conversation.

That being said, I am a Christian and my bible teaches me to submit to my man. The same bible also instructs men to Love their wives like Christ loves the church.. this means in an unconditional and sacrificial way. In my time on earth I've come to learn that life is so much easier when things are done God's way and any home structured in this manner will definitely be successful/happy and peaceful.

Feminism started off as women asking for basic rights such as the right to vote, work, get an education and be financially independent... All of which are now achieved. So what else are modern day feminists fighting so vehemently for? They want to be superior to men but yet call it "equality" .. thinking that to be wise is to disrespect a man whilst demanding adoration in return.

Show me a woman who constantly battles to wear the trousers in her relationship and il show you an unhappy woman who doesn't know how to enjoy her life. There is strength and blessing in submission.. A man who loves his wife would do ANYTHING for her if she were to play her role. Why turn your home into a war-zone.

I am a woman who is not ashamed to admit that as women we all need companionship and I enjoy allowing a man be a man whilst I do my part as a woman. This approach to relationships has never failed me in life..

Im a newlywed btw.. my obedience to God has worked for me so far and I pray it continues this way.

Dont think like im saying this will happen to you. But i have come across women who gloat over their marriage like its their best achievement but things take a wrong turn down the lane.

I have a friend married to a good christian brother who follows the Lord. She is a good christian as well. My only problem was he was asking out other women before they even clocked 1year. These women include myself and my cousin. I dont date married men and i have never made myself appear easy to approach.

Its not all women who act like women that let their men be a man that get a good husband. You still have a lot to learn about life.

misssclassy:
First of all, most Nairaland feminists are smarter and more intelligent than their other female counterparts.
Prove me wrong if you can.

Now watch as I debunk your baseless claims.

1. Feminists are not extremely rude. In fact, they are very polite. It's only when you provoke or insult them that they show you their other sides.

2. Like I said before, Nairaland feminists are not rude or disrespectful. If by being respectful you mean "licking asss" or being sycophantic in their comments, then you must be on a long thing, because We don't like asss.

3. Feminists don't hate men. We only hate the fact that men feel they are better or of a higher class than us. And as such we should treat them like our superiors and accord them such respect.
Feminism is all about a believe in the equality of the sexes so if we see a man who feels he is above us, or he is more superior than us, we will prove to him that he is not. Not that we hate him.

4. Nairaland feminists are not biased. I myself I am not biased. I say things as I see them and I know a lot of ladies who aren't biased in anyway.

5. Feminists are not delusional to themselves or the society.
And who the hell told you that feminists find single or divorced mother more appealing?
A lot of feminists embrace the concept of marriage and long for the day they get married. The only thing is that she would want her husband to respect her views on feminism, even if he doesn't support it.
Come on, there are acclaimed feminists who are happily married. You have the likes of Beyonce and Chimamanda

6)I don't know where you got this idea from but you are wrong. Most feminists here on nairaland are not even married so how would they understand a marriage situation and what to do when they have issues.
That being said, a feminist would never advice a lady to leave her marriage because of simple issues that can be handled through other means.
Except the person isn't using her brains.

7)There are many Nairalanders who are championing the cause of feminism and at the same time are still dedicated to their religions.

8 )You are the one making a hasty generalization with this point you gave.
Everyone has a right to their opinion and views. You can't force someone to join in your cause. Because someone doesn't support your views doesn't mean the person is "bad"
Feminists don't see men who don't share their views in the way you just described.

9) I am a feminist and I won't describe myself as naïve. I have had experiences in life and those experiences have shaped my mind and the way I view things.

on point

Another one again?

seedord247:


Well sistercaro I'm good looking like the sunset in the middle east...

pics or you are lying

No its probably a medical condition