₦airaland Forum

At Sunday school, they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Bashy seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later in the week, his mother noticed him lying down as though he was ill, and she said, "Bashy, what is the matter?"

Little Bashy responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I am going to have a wife."

jackpot:
i no even bash her sef. make she borrow me mouth laugh, na bad thing?

@sledge
BTW, who told you i can't revoke your joke license? Mama Cray-fish eating boy like u. Mtchew

Jackpot (NOT), quit trying to keep up with me. You go wound o!
I eat crayfish and sea foods but you test shyte for a living. You're disgusting!

@Efe. . .Thank you wellu wellu and nor vex say I nor quick hola. I been play comot.

@Jokingmary. . .You best be female or you better be "joking" with that kiss and yes, I was bought for 1 Naira

@Bibs. . .Thanks and twas a FaB one

The Teacher asked Little Mikuz, "How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?"

Little Mikuz replied, "Just don't bite any."

Little Mikuz's teacher asks, "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"

Little Mikuz replies, "A teacher."

jackpot:
^can you laugh my turn for me?

Mtchew

That's gotta hurt, abi?
Why attack ARareGem who laughed and not Sledge who wrote? See bashy, you nor attack sef. Abi becos she dey part of the cast and she bone you? Heaven know say if na my sister, upon seeing you , she go shout "blood of Jesus!"

Ugly boi!

Eldav sets up Jackpot to go on a blind date with ARareGem, a friend of his but Jackpot is a little worried about going out with someone he has never seen before.

"What do I do if she's ugly?" says Jackpot, "I'll be stuck with her all night."

"Don't worry." Eldav says. "Just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't, just shout 'Aaauuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma attack."

So that night, Jackpot knocks at ARareGem's door, and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. Jackpot's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts, "Aaauuuggghhh!"

What a dumb blonde you are!

. . .quoting scriptures for me? I laugh in eskimo tongue.

Before the examination, Scott asked the doctor if they ever laughed at their patients' problems.

The Doctor replied 'Of course I won't laugh, I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'

'Okay then,' Scott said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'whoo-ha' the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery.

Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure. I'm so sorry,' said the doctor. 'I really am. I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now, what seems to be the problem?'

'It's swollen,' Scott replied.

Boy: Fine girl. I'm Peter, what's your name?
Girl: Cool, I'm Stella.
Boy: My number is 08031234567. Can I have yours?
Girl: Ok, 00990087762278
Boy: Is it an international number?
Girl: No, that's my account number. Save it with Stella Amaechi, UBA. When I get an alert on my phone, I will call you!


Ole motor. . . bear bear bank!

Stop winking @ me.

Not interested!

Keep waiting "diasporan african".

So you get amused? I vex in spanish.

I'm pressed sorry, I'm impressed!

Scientists have revealed today that they have found a new drug for depressed le[i]sb[/i]ians. It''s called "TRYDIXAGAIN".

A man in a pub asks for a beer.
The barman says, "Sure, that'll be one dollar."
"One dollar?!" exclaims the man. Reading the menu, he says, "Could I have steak and chips?"
"Certainly," says the barman, "that'll be two dollars."
"Two dollars?!" cries the man. "You're joking. Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The barman says, "Upstairs, with my wife"."
The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The barman says, "The same thing I'm doing to his business."

Your case has never been hard to decipher and handle. Always looking for SOURCE or is it SAUCE?

Wait while I give you journals by Africans of old.

Pastor: Do you know where little boys and girls go when they do bad things?

Ken: Sure, back of the church yard.

. . .so, I found out that "Get N[i]ak[/i]ed" is not the proper response when the cute cashier asks, "Is there anything else I can do for you today?"

Lord have mercy on our souls

Not if they were schooled and had a "white" man they looked up to who kept journals as well.

Finally dem don release dis incest ra[i]pi[/i]st? Hediot! (Your sisters and cousins must be dead scared of you).

jackpot:
^^or your hammer-shaped Pentium 2 laptop

Mtchew

Boy! You're too weak for me to waste lines on besides nor be from me you go learn how to dey yab.

BTW, anytime you wan hiss again as you do above, try make you nor dey shower people near you with spit. Im[i]beci[/i]le!

An American tourist in London was desperate to take a leak. After a long search he couldn't find any public bathroom to relieve himself. So he went down one of the side streets to take care of business. Just as he was unzipping, a London police officer showed up.

"Look here, old chap, what are you doing?" the officer asked.

"I'm sorry," the American replied, "but I really gotta take a leak."

"You can't do that here," the officer told him. "Look, follow me."

The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges. "Here," said the policeman, "whiz away."

The American tourist shrugged, turned, unzipped, and started pissing on the flowers. "Ahhh," he said in relief. Then turning toward the officer, he said, "This is very nice of you. Is this British courtesy?"

"No," replied the policeman. "It's the French Embassy."

A man seeing flashing red and blue lights in his rear view mirror pulls to the side of the road. A minute or so after coming to a stop, a police officer approaches the car.

The man says, "What's the problem officer?"
Officer: You were going 75 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hour zone. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ticket you.
Man: No sir, I was going a little over 60.
Wife: Oh, Harry, you were going at least 80! (The man gives wife dirty look.)
Officer: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks! (The man gives his wife another a dirty look.)
Officer: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh! Harry, you never wear your seat belt!

The Man turns to his wife and yells, "For cryin' out loud, can't you just shut up?!"
The officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"
Wife says, "No officer, only when he's drunk."

tpia@:
There are some things i need to find out about my grandpa's movements when he was younger but unfortunately i guess i'll never know and i dont think my mum does either.

He was a witness to nigerian history, i think.

If he is who you claim he is, he'd have a journal somewhere. Question is, are you ready to dedicate time for it?

jackpot:
sledge prick, quit spewing nonsense folk insults wey no make sense, na 2011 we dey.

Go switch lanes and sky-dive into something better, maybe a virgin goat pussay *no offence*

You never stop amusing your im[i]be[/i]cilic self and showing the rest of the world how f[i]ooli[/i]sh you really are.
Keep waiting for meaniful insults to prove your worthless being.
Talk any rubbish again and I'll have Chi-baby slap your hammer-shaped head. Monkey!

A guy was sent to deliver a live chicken in Lagos. On his way, a careless cyclist made him fall off. The chicken immediately ran away. The Guy on seeing the chicken flying away started laughing & when asked “why”, he said: "see this mumu chicken where does it know in Lagos when the address is with me?”

I see you've missed me and finally seen an avenue to express your love anyway I'm not gonna come hard @ you but rather in you and the world knows exactly who has a fish brain

MY GRANDPA'S WORDS

by Odili Nathaniel Tobechukwu on Saturday, 23 July 2011 at 01:07

Three people you can never beat in an argument God, a woman and me; God because He knows all things, woman because she thinks she knows all things and me because I'm the one writing this note, a lawyer and most of all I don't know anything. One day after a long argument with dad, my grandpa called me and said given your penchant for argument especially when you know you are on the right, three things you must do if you want to enjoy your life in marriage:

1) While quarrel is inevitable, as much as you can avoid arguing with a woman, you can never win the argument. If you are wrong, you are wrong; if you are right, you’ll still be found to be wrong. The only problem he said is that if you are always agreeing with her, she either questions you manliness, suspect you of cheating or throw tantrums.

2) Listen more and don’t speak too much especially when you are angry because women never forget - five, ten, twenty, thirty years down the road she will always remind you of what you said even in the heat of argument. Irony, is that she would never remind you of what she said. Unfortunately, you can’t remember either, even if you do, she would either tell you that you misinterpreted her or acting like a woman.

3) Lose the battle to win the war; what is the gain in winning an argument, then served an undone, over-salted and over- spiced food? How would you contend with her been sick from the day you won the argument; you can’t touch her and don’t think of even going near her in bed. If you are going to apologise eventually while not give in before the battle starts. LOSE THE BATTLE, WIN THE WAR.

In my youthful exuberance, I said it makes no sense why people are always in a hurry to get married. When you lose all your rights, and all the days of your miserable life, you would be trying please just one person. Then my grandpa said, son you still got much to learn:

1) There is a mystery about the woman that draw us to them, you can’t escape it. The only way you can try to solve that mystery is getting married. Unfortunately, you can’t solve that mystery all your life because the more you try, the more complex it gets. So you are stuck my son. Reading my thoughts, he said moving from one woman to another only compound the mystery, leading to a more miserable life. (I can’t contest that, he had three wives).

2) You need them more than you think you do; you need them more than they think you do. Look around you, presidents, kings and the real important people in the world, how many there is without a woman? Our Obi cannot be crowned king except he finds a wife - simply put, they make KINGS. They mature you, calm you and reason differently (though stupid at times) help make you a greater you. God help you though if you fall into the hands of a wrong one, you will be buried before you die.

He said well, is not that you won't take my words to heart or you wont try not to engage in too many arguments with your wife but you are a man, you wont even remember my words when quarrel starts. God help you my son.

sledge406:
I never imagined I'd post here but thank goodness tis the insult thread, (right?) hence I'd start off by saying "Jackpot (not)" is definitely a product (pikin) of woman when dem r[i]ap[/i]e give belle she con decide to born becos she dey forbid abortion. Hediot!

Jackpot (NOT), for your useless life, you dey catch trips and fun, abi? Pikin wen dem r[i]ap[/i]e their mama born dem dey behave exactly how you dey do so I nor go take am hard on you yet. In all of your originality, na fakeness full am. You wan embarass your family, you go dig out your grandfather randy foto wen im thief goat dey nail am. Now, I dey get double mind. How are we sure your mother isn't the one who asked to be ra[i]pe[/i]d? Randy family!

jackpot:
^^hey big sis, it's called equal measure. The guy wan bomb me. Check. Lol

Believe me wen I say I never start with you and this one far from tip of the iceberg. Stop to dey get e[i]rec[/i]tions as if say you see goat wen u wan goatnap as your grandfather dey do. (No wonder it runs in your family)

An illiterate Urhobo man travelled abroad, entered a restaurant and wanted to order chicken but he couldn't remember what chicken is called in English. Luckily for him, he sees another man on the next table with 4 eggs on his plate. Happily he calls out to the waiter and points at the eggs on the man's plate, "Abeg I want their mama!"

tanimz:
You say whah?

Nuttin

bashy_demy:
i hope the daddy is not Sledge?

Why the "NOT"?

I never imagined I'd post here but thank goodness tis the insult thread, (right?) hence I'd start off by saying "Jackpot (not)" is definitely a product (pikin) of woman when dem r[i]ap[/i]e give belle she con decide to born becos she dey forbid abortion. Hediot!

Woman was having pain during delivery. Husband prayed: "Oh Lord! Please make it loose for the Baby and then tight for the Daddy!"