₦airaland Forum

A woman was sitting in the bar with two guys beside her. The first guy says to the bar man, 'Johnnie Walker, single.' while the second blurts out, 'Jack Daniels, single.'

At that, the bar man approaches the lady & asks, 'and. . . you ma'am?'

'Nkechi Khubeka, married.'

BABE!:
^^That babe made the guy her B1tch, though!!!! See how the Nigga is crying like his mother died or something?

Werra hell? It's just a slap! No biggie-

@Topic:Like I always say, There's nothing like "a man should never hit a woman". If they are of equal strength, then they should go for it. No koso.

I think the reason people say "a man should never hit-----" is because, the fight is gonna be unfair. However, in a situation where the woman has an advantage over the man, (or they're on the "same level", that theory doesn't apply.

Half the force the slap he gave the girl, if landed on your face I'm sure would put you in coma and you say he's crying like his mum died when a s[i]tu[/i]pid man attacked him for slapping a girl who slapped him "with his hands behind him".

Lastpage, your analysis made me watch that video and goodness me, I'll say the girl deserved it and more. You see how quiet and calm she was after that resounding slap? "How can you slap me?"

These are situations I pray against seeing myself. God help us all.

Pro01 and lastpage, you guys really rock and so much for being on the fence with the truths and facts.

Blood_shed, nice to see how much you've held your ground even with counter points and truth is the REAL women know what NOT to do and would NEVER try it. Just pathetic to read so many with already useless lives flushed down the drain come here to prove meaningless post trying to convince the well-to-do and respectful out there as well as the CONFUSED females to begin to think or act like them.

A simple rule; do not complain for anything whatsoever (and I mean anything) if you involved in it knowingly and it does backfire (Man or Woman).

As for all those asking about father this and mother that, I hope you get to answer the mother this and father that too as asked here

swiftycool:
Ill answer like a Nigerian, you also asume this scenario, what if your mum were bigger than your dad and whoops his @ss, or better still one big fat @ss crazy "Isale eko" area mother Beats up yr dad?!! Be honest, Does any look better?

#Capish

By the way, this comeback shot was a cracker (see me laughing in isoko);

beejaei:
Good question. How would you feel when seeing your brother and your father have a three.some with your sister?

to

D-sense:
But answer this question:
How would you feel when seeing your mumm getting whooped/punched by your dadd?

3 rats were arguing about who had much swagger and efizzy.

1st Rat: I chop food with rat poison, I no die.

2nd Rat: I dance awilo on top mouse trap, nothing do me.

3rd Rat: Bone dat tin!!! see that cat wey dey go so? Na me give am belle!

A professor at a university is giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: “How many people here believe in ghosts?” About 40 students raise their hands.

“Well that’s a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you’ve ever seen a ghost?” About 20 students raise their hands.

“I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?” 15 students raise their hands.

“That’s a great response.” “Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?” 3 students raise their hands.

“That’s fantastic.” “But let me ask you one question further. Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?” One student in a flannel shirt and baseball cap way in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, and says, “Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.”

The redneck student complies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor says, “Well, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost.” The student replies, “Ghost?!? S[i]hi[/i]t. From back there it sounded like you said ‘goats!’”.

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of b[i]oo[/i]bs are there?"

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there're three kinds of b[i]rea[/i]sts. In her twenties, a woman's br[i]ea[/i]sts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."

"Onions?" asks the boy.

"Yes," said the father, "you see them and they make you cry."

Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?

Tommy: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.

A guy knocked at my door today and asked me for a donation for his local swimming pool so I gave him a glass of water to start him off.

Loads of crap!

Guess your shown your "real person" and not being neutral in the forums you visit.

Now advise people like you would advise yourself as ascribed above.

Infact I'm quoting you sef

ogugua88:
Lol.
You’re putting words in my mouth. All I said is that the divorce rate is high lol. I didn’t say divorce is “to be expected no matter the sincerity or trying to make it work in situations where problem arises” lol. People get married because they love each other, but life happens simply. I said it, but that’s not my mentality. I was only trying to debate from a neutral point of view. I never revealed anything about myself in that thread. I only said women should have choice, which they should, and I gave reasons from actual women on other websites and forums who had discussed the same issue. I didn’t do much to support the men too much in that thread because some of them were being verbally abusive and the tradition idea kept arising.

There’s nothing wrong with having a plan B in anything in life. In fact, everyone should, for the fact that no one knows tomorrow. I’m not one of those people who enjoy suffering and then cursing myself, “Oh, if I had known”. My plan B is going to school. I want to be in a relationship and be able to spend plenty of time with my children. At the same time, I want to be able to provide for them. If something happens to my partner or spouse, I can use my plan B to find a job and provide for the family when he can’t. There is never a thing as being over-prepared.

My parents are not divorced actually. They have their ups-and-downs but they’re together. They’re open-minded just as I am.

I said I will change my surname if I decide to marry. I have my own reasons for doing so. The primary reason is not love for my spouse. I won’t be forgetting my plan B. I don’t plan on bailing on anyone for superficial reasons. For everything I do, I put in 500%. If anything is to happen, however, I don’t want be on my backside crying like most divorced women do. All I want to be able to do is pick myself up and move onto the next chapter in life successfully. I don’t see the crime in that.

Boy asks a Girl: How much calcium is there in a woman's breast?

Girl: I dont know but it has enough calcium to help a man's boneless thing standup

Thanks for the compliment.

ogugua88:
If I change my name, then I'll be changing my signature.

I'm sure I'm the one to whom you're referencing as I believe I'm the only one that brought up the divorce issue like that. I was only restating what hundreds of other women have said and agreeing with it. Given the fact that the divorce rate is over half, why not plan for what may come? People are always complaining about not finding true love in dating relationships. What if that's the kind of person you married? It's smart to have a backup plan. The economy has made divorce rates soar, believe it or not. I'm sure women who made those statements wouldn't want to come out looking like fools. I argued that women should be allowed choice to do whatever.

I never said whether I'd change my name or not in that thread though, or else women would pounce on me. I do plan on changing my name but can debate either side as I'm unbiased like that

Good thing you identified yourself by yourself with yourself.
Ok! Back to the ish, my take going by your latest response, if you know divorce is "to be expected" no matter the "sincerity" or "trying to make it work" in situations where problem arises, why then do you ladies go on ahead to get married? If it is not using the divorce as a means to cause havoc to the man whether finicially, emotionally or otherwise. It is people who have given so much credence to the society and want everything they do to be right in the eyes of society that make the divorce rates soar high like a shot taken off Tiger Wood's golf stick before landing. (Oops! He's divorced too---my mistake). I would not want us talking forth and back on this issue cos you seem to have learnt wrongly or rightly from those around you hence taking a plan B into your soon to be relationship hoping it leads to marriage but take it from me, it would never last with this mentality you have and trying to spread to others. Instead, ask what they chose not to do when there were problems in the marriage before divorce, apply it to yours when the time comes and tell me if you would not count yourself a success where many failed. (No pun intended but are your parents divorced? Has all been rosy for them since you came into this world that you are aware of?) Your parents are enough to be your role models. Capish! And if you happen to answer yes, to the first question, I bet your mum/dad would also want you to be like them and then people can say, "it is a family thing", right? (Please and please, do not see this as an attack but a sincere question).

About the name change, you're not yet married, I've figured and yep, you might or might not as you've stated earlier (whether it disturbs your fiance then or not) change your surname to his BUT let the basis for which you go into marriage be pure and true and forget all the plan Bs unless you're innit and you see things begin to go wrong and cannot be remedy. The singular fact you're planning to Plan B, you'd definitely make use of that Plan B. I pray you DON'T say an Amen to this.

It's really mind worrying to read comments upon comments most especially from the "NOT-YET-MARRIED and MIGHT-NEVER-BE-MARRIED" females here on NL (as young as they are) moving from thread to thread saying things they will never uphold or even if they do, would surely back fire on them. How so much things have changed that you see them doing things their mothers never did and you'll hear them say "it's not a western issue", we are all wise now. (I laugh in urohbo) Wonder where all these were learnt if not the celebrity gossip magazines or "perfect-hollywood movies"?

That Romantic (Romance) section sure hosts loads of them and I'm surprised how MODERATORS see it as fit for homepage. First it was about changing surnames entirely to fit their husbands or adjoining his to theirs and now it is about changing signature after marriage. The more a handful of some specific people keeping talking/typing (they have been identified already), the more the world (at least NL is a small world) knows them from face value and steer clear. Good thing many are able to hide their real identities so they can live all the fake lives they want on the internet. I only feel sorry for the dumb and vulnerable folks who take useless advices from them and cause damage to their future.

Imagine a response coming from a lady about NOT changing her surname or adjoning his to hers solely for reasons of "DIVORCE" should it be imminent. Now tell me, which sane lad who is full of life, joy and happiness would be thinking of a divorce before the wedding and then marriage proper? Well I guess that signular reason alone is a warning to MEN out there. You really should be careful and wary of who you're seriously involved with and nothing stops you from doing EVERYTHING to know your partner too well.

PS: There is always an exception to every rule hence there are reasonable and wonderful ladies out there but indeed many are full of crap.

#NuffSaid!

A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw and spots another man (Veli) on the 1st floor. He yells down to him but the noise makes it impossible to hear anything, so he tries sign language. He points at his eye meaning "I", points at his knee meaning, "need", and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion. The man on the 1st floor (Veli) nods his head, pulls down his pants and starts mast[i]urb[/i]ating. The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the 1st floor and shouts," What the f[i]uc[/i]k is wrong with you, i[i]di[/i]ot? I said I needed a handsaw!" The other guy says, "I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm coming."

Teacher asks children, what do you wish to do in future?

Ram: I want to be a pilot.
Vinod: I want to be a doctor.
Deepa: I want to be a good mother.
Ravi: I want to help Deepa.

It would interest many of you to check the link below and see the aftermath of the violence with pictures.

http://www.viiphoto.com/showstory.php?nID=1260

At a jewellry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Don't you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweller. The young man thought for a moment and then, ever the pragmatic, steadfastly replied,
"No, just engrave it: To My One And Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again"

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far A[i]ss[/i] kissing will take you

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and A[i]ss[/i] kissing that will put you over the top

spikedcylinder:
Isn't the OP the same loser who said this:

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-634905.0.html

I doubt he's one to be taken seriously.

Lie Lie question!

Stalker!

Sledge Medical Association researchers have made a remarkable discovery. It seems that some patients needing blood transfusions may benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood. It tends to make the men c[i]o[/i]cky and the women lay better.

A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They say, 'Hi, we're pr[i]osti[/i]tutes. Do you want to have some fun?" "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why you are embarrassed."

He thought a minute and then said, "You know, I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship. I'm sure your parrots will stop saying that phrase in no time." "Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding their rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out in unison, "Hi, we're pr[i]osti[/i]tutes. Do you want to have some fun?" There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and said, "Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!

Ileke-IdI:
What does it say?
Since you're full of pointers, dash one out abeg.

Permanent withdrawal of NYSC corps from the North is NOT going to work. The best thing to do is to provide them with strict securities during election periods. Mr pointer pointee.

You've been quoted after this statement more than 4 times and disproved with your "pointless points" and I trust you'll come back to spew more garbage and indeed show the world how dumb you really are. A round of applause for your unending stupidity.

Me, try to educate you? For someone as yourself who's known to not sit and learn before asking questions?
You're mistaken!

Enjoy being what you are.

Ileke-IdI:
Obviously my first post was an attempt to dignify my own personal desire to scrap off NYSC.

NYSC as a national requirement, like someone said, should be modified not scrapped off.

Too emotional. Go and calm down, then come back and post something that doesnt contain 80% personal insult. Pele, e n le o.

And what does the petition say? Yet you claim to have read it.
You're pointless!

Ileke-Idi's comment

Dont mind him

KoboJ you're making solid points. You need to understand that ppl are too emotional right now to pay attention to those points.

You're a modified daft version of that junkie. Pitching tents with an imp of a junkie makes you one. Yes, you're an imp! (Source "Sledge"

Your first post about the petition

Signed. Infact, srap it off.

Mainly  so I wont to have to do mines. I'm too sensitive for Nigerian NYSC.

Just to get noticed, you pick up from where the junkie stopped asking useless questions or making weak points. Rather than join those who are trying to educate you (you're playing ignorance to fact and truth), I pray and hope that should this petition hold water in the short and long run and your sorry a[i]s[/i]s returns to Naija (if you really are out of Naija) that you be made to serve too. True, international students have an option of where to serve BUT if you with all these your useles posts refuse choosing to be sent up north to a place like Yobe or Adamawa (not because of the violence or anything), heaven and the many voices of Nairaland WILL NEVER forgive you. (I[b]dio[/b]ts who hope to benefit from a system and refuse to do anything about it)

PS: Just so you know, lots of silent readers have been able to detect your high level of stupidity and sync with the re[i]ta[/i]rded junkie hence you get passes to continue playing the role of im[i]be[/i]ciles that you really are.

Kobojunkie:
^^^
Well, I am glad to know how you were raised, and how you address your folks, but what has that to do with the discussion?

The bolded below indeed depicts your being. You talk abi you type too much and you think you know but you display your ignorance every now and then. You are not even here to know how things are yet you're quick to type and give analysis to befitting of your reasoning.
People don't take you serious anymore and just skim through your post after reading the first 2 sentences. Get a life I repeat!
Ret[i]arde[/i]dJunkie

jerseyboy:
@junk. Your style is to conveniently ignore the arguments that neutralise you. There are so many points against the NYSC put up on this tread so far that you cannot respond to. You will rather resort to your worn out style of needless and tedious repetitive interrogation and of course name calling. I wont stoop to your level. I was raised different. What a class act you are

KoboF[i]uc[/i]kingJunkie, would you for once in your life just shut up or try dieing for a change? That way, people in NL would have peace. You go every on the politics thread like some she-goat on heat.

You're not even in Nigeria and you spend the most useful part of your useless life sitting in front of a computer spewing garbage in a bid to have people bicker forth and back at you thinking you make sense. Fact is, you talk trash MOST times you comment. People with pains in their heart have started a mission and are seeking for support and bloody stinking you quoting people and asking them all sorts of questions to which they have chosen to ignore you.

If you have a support and love for NYSC and its cause, start another petition and seek supports from like minds like yourself on why it should not be scrapped. Forming some intellect internet warrior when actually many have seen through you and you're nothing.

Get a life and when people on ground witnessing real situations talk, just shut up and read from your screen.

Bloody Arrow! (All pun intended)

You wan wreck Seun ni or you wan inflict injuries for NLers abi na dry jokers?

Wait o did you say suicide bomb I nor dey NL on that day.

So you dey steal ballot papers from Presidential vote to use for Gubernatorial? You go sell the remaining one give akara sellers. I swear you're in for gain but lemme have the proceeds before you self-explode with some NLers.

Great move PapaBrowne and fact just like Jakumo has outlined, you stand a great chance and we are solidly behind you.

That tyrannt should be made to fall the full wrath of the law. And I'm glad the ICC has taken an interest in this.

As for all ye "I'm too smart" and calling PapaBrowne names, I see many of you have been blinded by sentiments (hatred for GEJ and PDP) hence blocking your sense of reasoning. If only many of you realise that not everyone who supports this move is in for Jonathan nor PDP but vexed at everything that's been happening over time. Indeed, ENOUGH is ENOUGH!

Whoever is angry about why steps weren't taken in prior times as per the Jos killings and every other massacre, it is not too late. Whoever has proof and what it takes to sue the Federal Government for inactions (only mofos to be blamed for not doing anything concrete) should do so and we'd be glad to oblige by showing our support. For this move by PapaBrowne, count me in!

A Xhosa man, a Sotho man and a Zulu man are in a bar discussing how st[i]u[/i]pid their wives are when the Sotho man says, "You know, my wife must be the most stupid woman on this planet. There was a sale down at the supermarket last week and she bought R3000 worth of meat and we don't even have a freezer."

The Xhosa man says, "That's nothing. My wife went out last week, bought a brand new car for R400,000 and she can't even drive."

Then the Zulu man says, "You think that's st[i]u[/i]pid? I went home lastweek and my wife told me that she'd booked herself a two week holiday in Nigeria. I watched her packing her case and she took nearly 40 condoms with her and she doesn't even have a p[i]en[/i]is."