₦airaland Forum

OP
Life no balance.
Everybody knows that already.

It has already been said here, you married at your peak which made you to assume marital responsibilities

Which makes it look like you've been suffering all your life
As if you're the guy who never gets pampered or allowed to rest
From one challenge to another.


It's okay to feel angry and resentful

But it's only a feeling , don't let it get the best out of you.

Devil just wan tempt you.


I feel what you should do now, is to live the type of life you want !!!!

Live your life for yourself !!!

Yes you're married, you're also the head of your house, so you decide how things should go

Your wife hasn't done you wrong by her lifestyle in the past , so be very considerate in your actions.

If you trust her and she's wise, talk to her about your anger and regrets, she will tell what you both can do, to have a joyful time in your marriage.

My brother, self love heals all wounds.

Treat your self like a king , you don't have to die for anyone.
There's no award or plaque for being a good person.
People may never understand what you've been through or what it feels to have your life, but they don't have To.

Whatever you think about yourself will eventually become true

Yes you've been through a lot , but you're not a victim, you're a survivor !!

Your past made you this great , it didn't destroy you or made you give so now use this feeling to give yourself the best life you can give.


Always put yourself First
That's Self love .


I hope you forgive yourself and make peace with your past.

Please enjoy your marriage while you still have it

OP ladies that can cook are out there.
Maybe you're not attracting those type, but they're.

So stay patient and keep searching, because it would be worth it..

One thing I learnt about people that can cook.
One small trick that hasn't failed me..

This is it.

So me and a lady goes to a restaurant to eat, the lady that makes remarks about the food, things like the meat wasn't cooked well, the food is well spiced.

That lady can cook.

They usually make comments about the food , they tell you how they would have cooked the meal..

Like they understand food.

10 times 10 this works.

Not the ones that can't say much about the food.
It's either sweet or not.
Even a boy can tell the difference

But when the lady starts saying things like the oil Is too much, the.chicken wasn't seasoned properly.

I will just be looking at her and be asking questions deep in my mind am smiling because I know this lady understands food.



OP try it.
Take ladies out to eat Cooked food and just observe the conversation from there.

If she's just saying how much she loves the food without giving any cooking details abeg she's not the type .

Go to restaurants and eat cooked food not shawarma, suya or those snacks


Eat food with a lady that didn't cook the meal and listen to her comments

Promzy99:
A customer I was conversing with today, told me that d parents should kill a snake nd wrap it around her waist, that it wud stop d flow. I dnt really knw how true.

All these nonsense get consequences .
If you both do it, anything wey una see make una collect.

God remains the surest plug for all spiritual and supernatural occurrence.


I'm sure her family members are aware of this .
Dear OP no kill yourself,
The best you can do is pray to God on her behalf and ask her to pray.

Some people defeated this by simply praying before going to bed.


My sister is a testimony .

There's nothing God can't do

Lollittaa:
she may be dyslexic

Can we just stop making excuses for people and focus on finding solutions !!!

So because she's dyslexic , OP she give up and accept her like that or just dump her and look for someone more educated !!!



OP , teach her the one you can
Let her emulate your kind of habits, constant reading and self improvement
If she loves you like you think, she would happily learn and better herself just to make sure your efforts aren't futile.

If I were you, I would sit her down and tell her what I feel about it..

Would offer my advice and tell her how am willing to join her in this self improvement journey.


Give her 3months of constant learning and all.

If after that time, no improvement.

It's to move on and accept her like that or just break up.


But op you should have known this a long time ago !!!
Some girls are quite honest about this part of themselves, like they say it the first day you meet them.

They're not the intelligent type.

Op good luck

Agreed .

Men are wicked .

But so are the daughters of Eve.

It's a competition of who is more wicked this days.

OP if men haven't directly hurt you , please just no drag us .

Some ladies out there, get exactly what they deserve ,most times not from the guy they used or hurt, but from the guy they decided to love .


Karma has no feelings, if you like repent from dating married men or whatever evil a lady does.
At a time she least expect, the lady would answer to karma and either another guy or her children gets to hurt her just the way she had done to others.


I don't pity people in relationships, they never tell you their crime, it's only what the other person did.


It's well

22o62021:
We bonded so well together, she is an NYSC member. She told me that she has a boyfriend but she has called off their relationship because the guy has beaten her twice. The first time , the guy did it in front of his mother to the extent that she lost a tooth. And spent days in the hospital

The second time the guy slapped her because she told him that he comes home late.
She said the guy is a serial cheat, she has caught him on different occasions.

They dated for 6 years. But the guy will not accept the break up. Their families knows each other.

I have her the love she deserved, pampered her so well. I told her that I know she will go back to the guy one day, she said nooo I can’t do that.

One week after I said that to her. The guy was calling and pleading. She stopped picking my calls. I stopped calling her.

I sent her a text to know what is going on. She said it’s not what I think.

I said fine. I deleted her numbers and move on.

This is to say that most girls are confused.
I think they prefer abusive men but on the internet They rebuke them.

Guyyyyyy are we living the same life !!!!

My situation is so similar,
They dated for 6 years
They're families know themselves
She told me she doesn't know how to walk away from him
That the last time she tried it, she almost died.
She said she also doesn't see herself marrying him

Omo the night she told me all this I just went weak.

We were so close and everything only since last two weeks, no more picking calls, chats are so dragged.
From the tone of her message, she's using style to apologize and all


I know she has reunited with her ex , I know the guy has told her to stop texting me.

I know they used me to settle and make up.

Was so worried about the whole thing, until I saw how it played out in my dream.


You see all this so called good girls, ndi wife material, they would get what they deserve
I hope the guy they choose, give them everything they're looking for.


But I'm not bothered now, it's time to forge ahead and be open to better opportunities and people.

If she should ever comeback. Na she Sabi.

I'm not going to allow someone use me as an emotional power bank.

She would hustle relentlessly for my time and attention.

And it doesn't guarantee I'll even accept her.

Ah don chop my breakfast, I don belle ful.

I saw what happened in a dream, have prayed about it.

Therefore I shall never worry about it.

Na she get her life, anyhow she wants to live it.

She's free

God bless you OP

This is the truth, the one many people would never admit.

Women take up traits from men they've fvcked.

This why that gentle and quiet girl that you once knew, is busy giving doggy to one good for nothing dude.
That shy girl is displaying her body online .


Most Ladies aren't even aware of this, they can't control it.

They just see themselves acting different , everyone sees it sef..

Na why you supposed fear women, their sexual partners influence them more than you can imagine

Tell mk

Damn the consequences
And live as if nothing happened.

If you keep quiet , tomorrow na so person go watch your babe dey misbehave with other guys and would still be calling your boss when you greet.

My guy, most people hate the truth, but it's only the truth that can give you that peace

Chai �

I can't tell you how to spend your money

And I don't think you need advice

That thing you're looking for , you would find it.

But please don't come here looking for who to simpathize with you.

It's well with you my broda

Lmao.

No be new thing, na normal format.
But let me tell you this, being the best friend she has ever had doesn't guarantee anything.

Most Ladies don't even know how to recognize a good thing.
They just have this fixed mindset of how things are supposed to be
Which most times doesn't help.

Back to your matter,
If you agree to be friends with her, only reciprocate her energy. Don't do too much !!!!!

If possible don't even spend a dime on her
Don't transfer any thing.

Let the friendship build slowly.

She wants to be friends right, please put her in the friend zone and go and look for someone that can give you what you want.

Remember , it's not about how good you're to her, it's not bout what you did and didn't do

Ladies have one innate desire for problem and difficulty. Almost like they enjoy enduring..as if it makes them feel holy or better

They rather stick to that their useless boyfriend that has brought them nothing but pain and Shame, than consider any body else.


Some of this ladies are just big and bold looking but deep inside insecurity and low self esteem is dealing with them.

Guy, just be yourself . Don't expect much from her, don't see it as any stupid test ( that babe would still do whatever she likes )
Keep your options available and be ready for something better .


Don't commit If she doesn't !!
She wants friendship, treat her like your friend


No do pass yourself.
You can't impress her o


Have said my own.
May it be well with you

Grandmeister:
Why do I feel this your post is personally directed at me? It's like you already know or knew what I just went through... "Your ability to love and forgive". If you love truly, in the truest meaning of the word love, you will certainly forgive. There's no lobe without forgiveness...when I understood this, I began to understand why God loves man so much, even beyond human reason.

I don't know you , I just wrote from my heart.
Because that's where I am.

I love Someone and I just have to always forgive.

It crushes me, but I know that at the end it would make me stronger and better.


God is really good and he wants the best for us , but it never comes easy.

Some days I just sit and wonder how Joseph agreed to marry Mary even after he found out she was a virgin with a pregnancy.

It must have taken something from him

It must have been really painful

No normal man would accept a lady with that condition.

Look at Jacob, working all those years to marry the one he loved..

Look at King David, he had to kill his soldier just to marry the one he loved.

To get what you love is not easy, it would never be easy.
My dear, love would touch you and it would change you.

You can't be in love and still be the same.

I love this lady with all her complications, I get frightened most of the time, when I realize what I'm doing.

But then Loving doesn't make me a bad person.
Me loving someone doesn't hurt me or the person

My expectations are what hurts me
Even if I don't get this one that I love , I know this experience would definitely make me better for the one I would meet..
And being the best version of myself is one of the greatest attainment I can achieve in this my life time

Grandmeister:
This argument is flawed. Since when did marriage and a ring guarantee faithfulness from a partner?? If marriage does then why do we have words like adultery, marital infidelity, paternal fraud etc? If the girl or guy you're dating or courting can't stay faithful what is the guarantee that he or she will when you put a ring on it?

Too much wisdom will not kill you.

Involve God in your relationship.

Let God be the one to lead you to your partner.

You go just use years of your life dating the wrong people and keep getting miserable.

Even when God is involved, it doesn't mean you would find the perfect love immediately, but at least you would keep getting better until you find the one that was destined for you..
Your person is not perfect, your person has a past
Your person is also a human being, not an angel.

In all you do, pls do it out of love for God and respect for yourself.

Everyone has a sad experience, we all have made mistakes, we've all hurt someone but what matters is how we strive to be better .

Don't approach relationships like marriage or partnership..
It's just friendship


Nothing is guaranteed, there no definite standard, but your ability to love and forgive would take you far.

I wish us all good luck

I'm a guy and I agree with the OP

When girls show me their chats with matured men.
I just shake my head in shame .

Married men o, men with grown kids o, men holding top position in firms would be simping for a small girl �

I'm not a perfect red piller, some girls would testify that I have even played myself in many situations.

I agree, but I'll encourage every man out there, just the way I advise myself.

Know your worth !!!!

Money can't win a girl !!!!


One girl was telling me how men with families would ask for her account number on Twitter just to be sending her money !!!

These guys haven't met this babe in person o, yet would be sending 30k as if the babe said she was broke.


My able matured men and elders,
Please money can't win you a girl's heart
Being nice and also trying to give her a good experience won't make her love yOu.

If you're not her type, period you're not .

If she's in love with someone else, omo nothing for you..


There a million and more girls that are out there looking for who to love..



Please stop wasting your wealth on young girls that you won't marry..

There's one married man that kept befriending a small girl.

Like this man tells her, he wants nothing but friendship

He says he has a wife but he doesn't love her, so instead of staying at home.

He goes about looking for young girls to spend time with.



Omo don't you people have plans for money !!!!!!

Who am I to tell you what to do with your money !!!

Who am I to judge you !!!!

I can't , but let me appeal to men.


Please marry who you love !!!!

Not who Is a wife material, before after 6 months you would start saying you're bored and start disturbing small girls.

Dear young men, don't accept a woman's love if you won't be faithful.
If you know someone loves you and you go bout hurting the person, it's bad karma you're storing for yourself.


You go about cheating with anything that winks at you.

Yet there's a lady who loves you and keeps praying for you.

That same lady keep rejecting better guys because she's hoping you change..


Abeg o , na beg I dey beg

Whatever a man sow that he would reap.

You can find one woman and love.

There's more to life than sexual adventures.

May God help we men.
Amen.

Omo e no easy at all.
My last paid job was in September.

Till date have just been floating.

My saving grace Is that I stay with my folks, so I don't foot those bills.
But still no be everytime I fit chop..
Can't do anything before person insult me untop small thing.

My next year goal is just to move out.

Nevertheless , while I may be jobless am very productive !!

I encourage all those waiting for better offers, to use this free time , to develop a skill , a product, a career, please just do something.
An idle mind is the devil workshop,
Some days I go dey Church from morning to noon, just assisting In any free area.

It's a very bad thing to not know what to do.

Now , I'm just trying hands on anything I think I have talent or skills on..

I'm investing in relationships now.

At least my network is growing.

Na my account balance remain.


Things would Definitely get better, but for now let's use this our, intelligence, strength and free time to create value ..


It's well with Us �

Congratulations �����


You chased your dreams and got em.
Very Inspiring piece..

I hope you get everything you deserve !

kaziblake:
I am so sorry for what you went through because of love and tribalism in Nigeria.
Firstly,give her space a bit so that she can mourn her husband and people won’t accuse both of you of killing him,do not touch her during the period at all Pls.
Then after the mourning stage is over,you can go back and propose to her again and inform her parent that you want to marry her this time violently lol.
You guys are obviously soulmates looking at the circumstances.

Wisdom too much for your head.
I think so too, they're actually soulmates and now both of them are ready to be together.

Dear OP true love would wound you, e go nearly kill you. But be brave, because it's only that love that would change you and make you a better version of yourself.

Your love for each other is deep and no relationship or friendship or whatever on earth can be deeper than that..

If you deny your feelings and try to move on, I can promise you, that you would never feel the way she made you feel with someone else.

Dear OP you're lucky to be able to identify your person.
Most people are lost and have given up on true love
Allow her to grieve.

My advise is that you pick up the piece from next year !!!


Just because you love her doesn't mean you should make stupid decisions.

Set proper boundaries and am sure the parents won't have any issue with you this time, because now they would be convinced that your love is stronger than their wish , and they must give you what you demand.
But leave her alone for now, wait till January before you try to marry

Bro.

It's not about money .
It's about Your team .

How strong is your circle .
How good is your management.

It's always advised to start small, then grow.

My advise to you is.
First try and practice doing music without earning or even getting fame.

Just start living the musician life before you actually say you're going into the industry.

By this I mean,
You can start singing in your church for a minimum of 3 months..
Most great artists started doing music before they actually got into the industry..

It's good and it would build your ethics and give you a sense of purpose, rather than pursing money and fame.

Secondly.

Your circle matters !!!!
You can't do it alone !!!
You need trustworthy passionate people who likes music and is willing to put you out there.

You need to change your friends , start befriending, instrumentalists, MCs , Influencers, Models , Sound engineers , Producers and people in that sort of career ..


When you've done this for like 6 months without chasing money or trying to get recognition..

Then you would know you're actually ready to start the hustle , even tho victories don't really look big compared to what other artists achieve.

You just have to put yourself out and start somewhere..

If you give people the impression that you have money and can pay your way to stardom.

My brother, Dem go chop your money and you no go see anything.

They know you can always splash the cash , so they would make sure you never really blow, so you would always come to them .

Don't fall for that trick.

Rather invest that money in going for vocal training, learning a music instrument, setting up a home studio, so you can record at anytime .

Getting guys that are producer's and Sound engineers to be your friends and you can always settle them, so they would give you their best.

The remaining money, use it to change your wardrobe.
Hire a influencer to grow your brand..
Hire a digital marketer to sell your contents

Hire a PR and social media guy to handle your social image and distribution of your music..

Have a Pa that liase with other people about you..
Omo make it a big deal for people to get access to you.

Unless they're above you.


When you have all this people working for your good.

You would be able to completely focus on your music and in a matter of months you would start getting attention on the internet.

Good luck and all the best.

Hello Bro.

I find myself in a similar situation,
But mine is different because one she told me upfront that she was in a relationship
Secondly she was the one who approached me and initiated our first convo.

Which I just fell for her instantly.

I can't talk about the complications of our situationships but let me advise you the way I advised myself.

First things first, this connection is deep and not the usual stuff I used to experience.

Secondly this babe is a good person, and I genuinely love her, Which isn't a bad thing.

In my past, I never settled for being an option , I used to walk out, ghost or just make the babe to choose.

But nah, this time I'm going with my heart, fvck fear or worries.

Game wey go cut go cut,no kill yourself.
Have told this babe how I feel, and even tho she never the same thing to me directly.
I trust her actions.

I told one of my female friend and she even suggested maybe the lady was my soul mate and if I was going to get her,it would never be on a platter.
Such relationships would test your character, to know if you're ready.


So what's my decision.

I would continue to love her !!!
I don't care bout the other guy , I don't care if she dumps me..

I love her and I would love her as if I never knew any of her baggage

I'm tired of playing games, pretending to be immune to feelings.

The way this lady made me feel in a month is more intense than have ever felt with others for over 2 years.

If she's a dime, it would be worth the patient.

Love her like you never knew her flaws, let her be free to do whatever she wants..

Las las nothing lasts forever .

Just give you best and leave the rest to karma.

Bro trust me, this is just a test of your love.
Don't convince her, don't even have the conversation of the other guy.

Whenever she spends time with you, enjoy it and be grateful..

Life goes on bro. But don't let fear or people mistakes make you be less of who you are.
If you're a lover, pls love with your full chest.

This life na one life, nothing is guaranteed.
Heartbreak isn't the end of your story

She's your Ex for a reason never forget that .

From your story it's clear you didn't take a break after your break up..


Honestly you aren't supposed to be dating anyone because right now you still have plenty unresolved truama you need to deal it , or else this your new babe would severely suffer for it..
Remember, if you don't heal from what hurt you, you'll bleed or those who didn't hurt you..

From your story, the relationship you had with your ex seems to be more of a co dependency type.

Like you needed her to escape from your brokenness
Like you needed her to have good sexual satisfaction
Like you needed her to have a healthy friendship.


Now that you're no longer with your ex, you're feeling like everything you do without her is not ok.

Even if this your babe (which you don't actually love, you only saw her as a coping device, to make you forget bout your ex, which isn't working ) , like I was saying even if these your babe gives you the best sex , it would still feel like trash, even if na olosho give you sex , it would still feel like trash, because your brain is longing for sex from a particular person.


My advice is, don't go back to your ex unless you want to get into depression..


Share this stuff you put on nairaland to a good and wise friend, I would have said tell your babe (but it's like you guys are just managing each other)

Most importantly forget about everybody else and focus on yourself.

Heal
Deal with those uncomfortable emotions .

Don't bury them inside , it could eat you up .

Abeg, Shrine and babalawo stuffs no be religion ooo . Which kind religion would they ask you to kill someone before you can get money or power. Abeg make them ban and destroy all of them. they are one of the reasons many bad things happen in our society

Damn !!!!!!!!! you wrote alot but also said alot !!!

i would also blame MI and already made artist, they are the role models inspiring dope rappers to go commercial

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Yeovil v Manchester United

Carlisle/Sheffield Weds v Stevenage/Reading

Cardiff/Mansfield v Manchester City

MK Dons v Coventry

Millwall v Rochdale

Southampton v Watford

Middlesbrough v Brighton/Crystal Palace

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tormenting all your moments am suppressing your expression