₦airaland Forum

Danny Sacks Hauboulin

Danny has sacked agent Hauboulin and accused him of not bringing potential clubs to scout him, but agent Hauboulin defended himself saying he had brought the attention of A.C. Milan and even Barcelona to Danny, but Danny turned them down claiming he wasn't ready to move.
Hauboulin also said Danny's poor performance this season stopped clubs from coming for him.Danny has hired French agent, Desbert.

CharlieMaria:
I don't play such games. I only play soccer.

your head is there; www.nairaland.com/1867089/legend-story-pictures-comedy-mode

benromeo39:
I don't like this one. I'm the Messiah of temple run though. Lemme play it and post the score. the subway surfer just dey dormant.

my highscore in temple run is 11, 897, 200

www.nairaland.com/1867089/legend-story-pictures-comedy-mode

BoiledCorn , I see you

anyways y'all, here is my Become A Legend Story; www.nairaland.com/1867089/legend-story-pictures-comedy-mode

the one thats supposed to make FrontPage

Weselion:
I've not experienced a condition like this. People with sight problem should not be allowed to drive even motorcycles talk less of vehicles. The FRSC should check this before giving out driving license

the FRSC does, they also emphasize that people with sight problem should not drive at night but stubbornanians Nigerians will not hear word! 50% of motorists have no license. like a VIO friend of mine once told me; "if you believe everybody on the road is a mad driver, then you be the sane driver". I have not forgotten those words ever since.

I prefer the old one, indomie generation won't know it, but I prefer our present national flag to the old one.

rozzay:
Yuzedo isn't a troll joor, cos most times he s more serious dan unserious bera check most f his topics. I sooo much miss him. Were is he

but he's funny sha.

How could I forget Yuzedo ?!

Donkaz:
Why is almost every one more concerned about Adolf Hitler's "one ball" fact

BTW, 'the ostrich's eyes is bigger than its brain'» What do you expect from a bird that in times of trouble hides its head and leaves its whole body exposed

do you know that it has never been proven or recorded in history that ostriches bury their head in the sand to hide. It is all a myth.
You can ask google if you dont believe me.

Tomtoxic: Make danny komot 4 dat club duringhalf season jhur

ya, he comot for the club during half season,i go update later.

Andyblaze: What if we are 2 in 1

so them no ban you ?

philo3: hmm... i was expectin tu see ma name
..#sobs#smiles#cries#sobs#cries louder # smiles

just writing it out for you

You can find Trolls on every online networking site.
Trolls are usually very funny characters who make off-topic posts or topics which are often hilarious!
These trolls usually turn to celebrities and could even have their own fan base and get numerous awards (Bans) . So here is a list of the most Hilarious nairaland trolls past,present and new.

MrCork : Legend has it that he started the trolling buisness. Well,he has amassed so much wealth and awards from it. He has currently run away from posting off-topics since he found his heart desire, Light-Skinned girls.

MrOlodo : He is one hell of a funny guy! A very matured man who still engages in trolling,his trademark is posting hilarious pictures of himself where ever he visits. He has since run away from Nairaland since January,after complaining of too much bans. We will all miss him

AndyBlaze : I call him the unstoppable due to his numerous accounts,you will always find him at romance section
you cant go through his threads without laughing. Some members still fall for his antics by giving him reasonable advice
his age-long dream is to make frontpage,and he finally did it,his new track 'Adam' has been making airwaves in his house
he hasnt been seen on the trolling scene for some time now,perhaps he has been given an award (ban).
His trademark; #BITG

SpaceGoat :
he is one funny character,he always finds a way of sending across reasonable messages with comic relief. Everyone knows this guy,cause he is like MTN,everywhere you go. I suspect he may be MrCork or AndyBlaze alter ego.

190 : he is one nairaland clown who has been reigning since the days of Joshua. He always gets a way to crack you up with his posts,if he see's this,I may get insalts from him .
Some say he is MrCork ,well only time will tell.

190theclown : this is one funny character,am definitely sure he is 190. He has been making the nairaland faithful laugh since 1800BC.

BoiledCorn : I remember the first time I clicked his profile, it was at midnight, I started laughing uncontrollably and was taken to YabaL...
everyone in Romance section knows him,you will aready start laughing before clicking his topic. His use of English,just like AndyBlaze is 'OuttaThisWorld'

Airforce1 : he has pitched his tent at celebrity section,he always has outrageous and funny news to tell you,even about himself. Those at celebrity section call him their King of Trolls.

MissYuzedo : she/he is one funny person every nairalander must know, I call her the MTN of nairaland females.she and marieolae are on every single thread Some say 'She is a Man' ,though I believe she is female.
Her posts always,most of the time have comic relief.

5points : He has become a ninja from trolling,but if you are lucky you might catch him in politics section with some humorous posts.

Krall : my man Krall ,he has taken trolling to another level,by speaking impeccable english in his threads and adding secular internet pictures to add a believable taste. Most people always fall for his tricks, but when you look at his threads,you cant help but laugh. He is one of the most creative trolls on nairaland.
His Goal: To make FrontPage

Banega : He is growing to become a prospective troll
His threads usually have comic relief and you cant tell if he is trolling or not

And Now,Someone that has changed history, A great one in our midst who has gone from SuperTroll to SuperMod ,he is an Ex-troll,but I wont call his name, those who have been around for a long time will know who am talking about.
So the repentant trolls,always look up to the Former President of Thread Derailers Association ,and believe that you too can be a Mod someday . In his words on the day he became a Mod; "I had no shoes (MB), I trekked 2kilometers everyday to troll,but now,I am a changed man "

So my fellow nairalanders,who is your Best Troll so far,and name other trolls I forgot to mention.
Is it possible for the Mods to please make a Voting Poll ?

"This Film O!" ,"The Magic Brassier"
I was like

Tallesty1: How I choose my Women

“Wow, you’re amazing!” she said after we made love.

“With qualities like that, you must drive dozens of women crazy.”

“Not at all,” I said, “in fact I’m very choosy. I’m only into women I can really talk to, for example about politics, psychology, art, science, music, classical ballet … in a word, a woman has to be highly intelligent to land in my bed.”

She was obviously flattered:

“So what impressed you most about me?”


“Your breasts, of course.”

*runs outta da thread*

*drags him back* ggrin tie him with rope, he done dey kolo o!

“I have ideas but no money.”
“I will be richer than Bill Gates or Aliko Dangote if I can just get the money
to start up.”
“Nigeria is hard on young people. There are no jobs and no money to start my own business…”
Have you ever heard statements like any of the above? Or have you said such yourself? I have the solution to the problem of capital: Get started!
You need to be sure of your idea. Do your homework- research- properly and be sure you have an idea that would work. Write out a business plan… and start! If you really believe in the potency of your idea and you have good credibility, you will get the funds. Just follow the following steps:

Break it down: You don’t have to start the million Naira business with a million Naira. Start it with what you have. You may not have to rent an office at the start: use your house. You may not need members of staff: do it yourself. You may not need an official car. Many big businesses start from humble beginnings and as long as you know where you are going, you should not be too proud to start small. Are you aware that one of the biggest and most popular fast food ventures in Nigeria, Sweet Sensation, was started in the gatehouse of the CEO’s family house? Today, Sweet Sensation employs more than 1500 people!

How much have you saved? You can’t ask other people for money if you have nothing. If you are a student, save up a part of your allowance. If you have a job, save a part of your income. It is important to have some money of your own to start. Cut down on your personal expenses and save. In fact, if you can’t save, you probably don’t believe in the idea well enough.

What can you sell? Depending on the level of funding you need, you may have to sell things to start. Here is an example: a 300 Level undergraduate wants to set up a barbing salon. It will cost him N50, 000. He has only N10, 000 saved up. However, he uses a BlackBerry phone worth N60, 000. Does he really need capital?

Talk to your Family and Friends: When you have exhausted your personal options (savings and sale of disposables), talk to your friends and family. Tell them why you need the money, how you hope to make profit and specify how you intend to refund them (if you are asking for a loan). If you are fortunate to have rich people around you, you may get the entire amount from a single source. If not, look for like 5 or 10 people who can invest small amounts into your business. You have to be convinced about the idea yourself in order to convince them. You also need to have credibility as an individual.
If you don’t have the habit of borrowing money without returning and you are not known for fabricating lies, you should not find it too difficult to get the money.
Family and friends are a great way to raise capital. It is said that Aliko Dangote started his business of buying and selling with a loan he obtained from his grandfather.
Note that if you are asking for a loan, have a clear agreement as to how you will repay and make sure you keep your end of the bargain. That way, people will trust you enough to help you next time you need it.
Do you belong to a cooperative society? A cooperative society allows you the privilege of having access to funds. Of course, it is expected that you will join at least a few months before your period of need.

Talk to a “Venture Capitalist”. A venture capitalist is someone who invests in startup businesses. Venture capitalism is actually broad but for the purpose of this write-up, you should talk to someone who has money to spend. There are many such people! I’ve met people who are just looking for business ideas to invest in! How do you meet such people? By observing. I’m sure there would be one or two of such in your local community, church, club… For such reasons, it is good to be social. It is also good to associate with potential investors by joining certain associations that have a good number of them. It could even be a golf club, gym, salon… When you want to present a business idea, ensure you don’t sound desperate. Offer a good deal that favours you and would also interest your investor.
Instead of cash, can you get goods on credit? If your business has to do with buying and selling, can you get goods on credit? If it has to do with manufacturing, can you get raw materials on credit? If it is a service, can you ask people to pay ahead of time?
The first time I organized a training session as an undergraduate, I had no equipment and no money. I printed one-color handbills and asked my friends to distribute them. I then went to different school associations and requested for time to address the members. Within five minutes of speaking in each place, people would get interested. Eventually, most people paid before the training and I was able to purchase most of what I needed while borrowing the rest.
If your business is registered or you have an active current account, you can try talking to a bank. Microfinance banks are even faster with disbursing
cash. Ensure that you understand the terms of repayment and the interest,though. Some of them are outrageously high.
If you have looked at that list and felt like “I still can’t get the money. I can’t start small, I earn too little to save, don’t have rich relatives, I don’t
know anybody, can’t get a bank loan…” Guess what? Stop wallowing in self pity. There is no single person that is completely out of options!

culled from KudiZone

Akpos is ill and goes to the doctor. He describes his illness…
AKPOS: Doctor, I am always feeling weak.
DOCTOR: (gives him some medicine) You must always take four tea-spoonful of this medicine before every meal.
AKPOS: Okay Doctor, but there is one problem.
DOCTOR: What’s the problem?
AKPOS: I have only three spoons at home.


More jokes later at night

Akpos walks into a clinic to have his blood type taken. The nurse goes about taking the blood sample from his finger. After finishing, she looks around for a piece of cotton to wipe away the excess blood.
She couldn’t find the cotton wool, so she looks innocently at Akpos and takes his finger and sucks it. Akpos is so pleased, then he asks with a wide smile on his face, “Please I desire to have a urine test done too.”

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s office.
“Why is your stomach so big?” he asks.
“I’m having a baby.” she replies.
“Is the baby in your stomach?” he asks, with his big eyes.
“Yes, it is.” she says.
“Is it a good baby?” he asks, with a puzzled look.
“Oh, yes. A really good baby.” the lady replies.
“Shocked and surprised, he asks: “Then what made you eat him?”

A woman and a man wanted to have a baby, so they went to the doctor to see if there was a way.
When the doctor came in, told them about a new study that transfers all the pain from the mother to the father during delivery.
They both agreed to take part in the study. Later, when the woman went into labor, her husband was hooked up to the device to transfer the pain.
After it was hooked up the doctor turned on the power. The man didn’t feel anything so he told the doctor to turn the power up.
After the power was turned up, the man still couldn’t feel anything. The doctor turned it up more.
The man still couldn’t feel it. Finally, the doctor turned it up the whole way.
The woman delivered a beautiful baby, and neither of them felt any pain.
When they got home, the gateman was dead on the doorstep.

A Nigerian Tourist went on a trip to China. While in China, the tourist was sexually promiscuous and didn’t use a condom at all. A week after arriving back home, he woke up one morning to find his joystick covered with bright, green and purple spots. In shock, he rushed to see a consultant at the hospital. The doctor, never having seen anything like that before, ordered some tests and told the man to come back in two days for the results.
He returned, the doctor said, “I’ve got bad news for you. You’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it.” The man looked a little perplexed and said, “Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc.” The doctor replied, “I’m sorry, there’s no known cure. We have to amputate your joystick.” He screamed in horror, “AMPU! WHAT? I want a second opinion please doc.”
The doctor replied, “Well, it’s your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice.” The next day, the man seek out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he’ll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examined his joystick and proclaimed, “Aha, yes, Mongolian VD. Very lare disease.” The man said, “Yes, yes, I already know that, but what can we do? My doctor wants to operate and amputate my joystick?”
The Chinese doctor shook his head and laughed, “Silly docta, always want to opelate. Make more money, that way. No need to opelate.” “Oh, Thank God!”, the man replied in relief. “Yes”, said the Chinese doctor, “You no worry! Wait another couple of weeks. Joystick fall off by itself!.

When Panku was little, he and his Father returned home from the hospital.
Panku: Father, Can I ask you a question?
Father: My son, carry on.
Panku: When a doctor doctors a doctor, does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored, or does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as he wants to doctor?
Father: !!!??!!!
.
Haha!!.. wahala

Akpos at his heart surgery…
AKPOS: Doctor, I’m so scared, I’ve never done this before and I heard it has killed lots of people.
DOCTOR: You shouldn’t be worried at all.
AKPOS: But why doctor? (Akpos asked anxiously)
DOCTOR: Because we have a great track record in this hospital. Of all the surgeries that has been carried out in my hospital, only one person has been recorded dead before.
AKPOS: (feeling a little bit relieved) If I may ask, how many surgeries have you done so far doc?
DOCTOR: Well, Yours will be the second.

At Yaba-left mental hospital, a mad man chases the senior doctor with a knife.
The doctor runs for dear life until he gets to a dead end.
The mad man stops and says;
“Take the knife, it’s your turn to chase me.”

Panku, a junior staff in an office dialed his boss’s number by mistake and said,
“Hey, send some tea to my desk in two minutes!”
The boss shouted, “Do you know whom you’re talking to?!”
Junior staff: No!
Boss: I’m the boss of this office!
Junior staff: (in the same tone) And do you know whom you’re talking to?
Boss: No!
Junior staff: Thank God. (and disconnects the phone)

Yes oo! I done show!
ilotriouzAY , I will post enough jokes for you, but modify your 1st post,its too long and would chase away 'customers of the thread'

But on anothet note, OP, where is your Br.east ?!
your profile picture ehn,mhmm!

Have you ever heard of the words Lust or 'Infatuation' ?

Benin republic,all you need to do is trek until you're in the outskirts of lagos, you wont even know you have gotten there. Thank me later

GDB News

the Ligue started but wasn't one of Danny's best as he couldn't play at the pre-season due to the injury he picked up at the world cup.
the GDB physio said his continual play at the world cup contributed to his poor fitness. the GDB manager said Danny would be put as an attacking midfielder so as to reduce his work load.
after 4 fixtures , GDB find themselves in 7th place under Danny's captaincy.
but Danny also won the UEFA Super Cup as captain for GDB, his first silverware this season against Villareal;

GDB 1:0 OGC Nice (Xabi Alonso scored)

GDB 0:1 LOSC

Olympic Lyon 1:1 GDB (Danny scored 1 goal)

AS Nancy 0:1 GDB (Danny scored 1 goal)

UEFA Super Cup: GDB 2:0 Villareal (Xabi Alonso scored the opener, while Wendel scored from a freekick to give GDB the victory. Danny wasn't able to impose himself in the match with a goal)


PICTURES: GDB are Super Cup Winners

this thing you people are doing; viewing without commenting, diarisgodoo!
more updates will come today, maybe this afternoon.