₦airaland Forum

Mindfulness:
It is about your opinion.

May I ask you something?

Do you want your (future) spouse to stay true to you because he loves and respects you or because he is afraid of the legal consequences?
Do you want him to do the right thing because he is upright or because he is forced to?

You are trying to make it about me.
Nevertheless, my energies are not fixated on why he's in the relationship. Rather, it is a matter of why I am in the relationship.

Mindfulness:
It's your opinion, not more and not less. I don't see my marriage as a business contract but you can approach your marriage like this. And since you are located in the US, you can make full use of these laws you have presented here - which according to me will lead to more problems. Criminalize your husband's behavior and tell us how it has helped solve your marital problems. I am sure they will rather disconnect you two and lead one party to resent the other even more. Spouses will act like intelligence agencies tracking the people they are supposed to trust like criminals. I would much rather invest the money they will be fined with into counseling than punishing. What is the aim of it all? To control and to punish or to resolve conflicts?

My two cents.

As a matter of fact, the US is not a country that is famous for fidelity and low divorce rates so these laws have not been effective in the way people wanted them to be.

Since my spouse's commitment is voluntary, it should remain this way. Marriage is not bondage. I married a man, not a slave.

1) It's not about me.
2) There will be the option for divorce.
3) This is for people who want to continue the marriage.

MRBrownJ:
i wish more women thought like you did, instead of them thinking that cheating back would be a valid option.

If you had more women like me, this life would be boring!

90% of his salary?! kai, now you are punishing his family/business as well... you need to find a fine/punishment that will affect JUST the cheater and not his immediate entourage. corporal punishment like flogging (lol) would make more sense.

Lol, it has to be something that hurts. Besides we would give the family a considerable amount of the money which would be controlled by the cheated spouse alone, so the kids don't suffer in the process.

why would these men be responsible for their act, if they can now just pay a fine for fooling around?

This is why it has to be at a percentage that will pain the cheater in his heart. 90% is the best!

is the fine in place to punish these men or compensate these women who "willingly" stay with these monsters? if it is really that bad for these women then what about compulsory divorce for any cheaters instead? so that these wifeys dont suffer any longer than they should. Compulsory divorce, thats where the real solution is for people who got married for the wrong reasons.

Both - to punish the cheater and compensate the cheated. This suggestion is for Nigerian men who claim to love their wife, cheats on the wife and would like to continue the marriage.

such contract should have a clause stipulating that any party can update the contract with new terms, whenever they please... and if the other party doesnt agree to the new terms, then a compulsory divorce should be enforced

Hmm, still thinking on this. My quick answer is absolutely not! The premise of all my argument is to dissuade as many unserious losers from entering into the institution. They can 'cohabit' if they can't live by the terms.

now it could get a bit tricky if the cheating lady is married but unemployed, and her husband would have to "unwillingly" pay her fine

No. She will go to Jail. Remember this is for people who would like to continue the marriage.

but imagine the state of marriage if/when everything is regulated and fined. you disrespect your spouse, FINE! you shout at your spouse, FINE! you talk too damn much, FINE! you came home late, FINE! you make her jealous by talking to ex, FINE! you cant fulfill your bedroom duties because of that "headache", FINE! the food you cook taste funny, FINE! it will be worst than the way people are suing left right and center for BS in the US. i think divorce aint so bad afterall.

I think our legislature would do justice in coming up with appropriate laws to protect and preserve the marriage institution.

TV01:
Anyway, it's good to see that Stillfire is a "masculinist" .

TV

Masculinist ko, Michael Jackson ni. I would rather use the phrase more conservative than liberal when it comes to morality. As of now, marriage/family is the bedrock of any society. A dysfunction in marriage, translates into the larger society and may affect ME in the process, when the sons and daughters of these dysfunction start manifesting. So anything to penalize these dysfunctional people is fine by me.

Kimoni:
Stillfire, are you blackfire?

Absolutely not!

crackhaus:
Lol, see I get where you're coming from...but like I posited earlier, all of this is idealistic but not realistic.

Causing people to pay a fine or face jail term for breaking a marriage contract essentially means restricting the will of a person.

Okay let me try point a scenario to you:
You say it should be treated like a contract. Well a contract also has what they call 'citations/conditions/terms' - in the sense that certain things need to be met for the contract to remain valid.

So what if a man who agrees to your idealistic approach then goes ahead to state a condition like:
I will remain a committed husband and not disrespect the institution as long as my wife performs all her wifely duties e.g
- Prepare what I want to eat when I want.
- Make love to me any and every time I want.
etc.

Should my wife fault on any of these conditions, she should be prepared to pay a fine or allow me seek these conditions elsewhere so I don't face emotional and sexual turmoil...lol. (In your own words)


Stillfire, are you starting to see why idealism doesn't always translate into reality?

Another thing to note is that most contracts are not given lifetime validity, so are you then saying the marriage contract should hold on a minimum of 5years after which either party can choose to renew it for up to 10years or choose to end it?

If this is the case, them your idealism might begin to make more sense...but on the account that you want to keep people in a lifetime union by imposing jail time or fines, then that's just not gonna cut it.

No I don't see life like that. For every ideology there is a fundamental flaw. Nothing is ideal. For example democratic principles dictate that majority carries the vote, but a major flaw (amongst others) to this principle is that majority does not mean right. Same with conservatism, liberalism, feminism , masculinism and all other human ideology. Even Christianity most of the time defies my human logic. Now as a christian, feminist, who is more conservative than liberal, the question is should we then throw away the baby with the bath water because of these discrepancies and flaws? Absolutely not. We can only regulate, amend, tweak and open it up for discussion and look for how we can better society.

Now concerning my suggestions on sanctioning adultery (which most of the time is the precursor to unleashing dysfunction into society), these things are not new nor ground breaking and had/has translated into reality. Here are some states in America where adultery is illegal:

1. Arizona

Getting it on with someone other than your spouse is a Class 3 misdemeanor here, punishable by up to 30 days behind bars. And not only will the spouse be penalized but also the other person (now that's justice!).

2. Florida

In a place where bathing suits are the dress code, how can eyes not wander? Still, he should keep his hands to himself: Floridian adulterers can spend up to two months in jail and be charged up to $500.

3. Kansas

"Intercourse or sodomy" with someone other than your spouse is a Class C misdemeanor here, punishable by up to a month in jail and a fine of up to $500. Remember, Kansas couples: There's no place like home.

4. Illinois

Frank Sinatra probably wouldn't consider Chicago "His Kind of Town" if he knew about this state law. The consequences for adultery in Illinois is up to a year in jail for both cheaters.

5. Massachusetts

Straying in the Bay State is a wicked bad idea. It's considered a felony with a fine of up to $500 and a jail sentence of up to three years.

6. Oklahoma

If Oklahoma native Dr. Phil's anti-cheating advice doesn't persuade him, perhaps this will: Not only do adulterers face fines of up to $500 but also incarceration for up to five years.

http://www.womansday.com/relationships/dating-marriage/a50994/adultery-laws/

I would like this introduced in Nigeria.

crackhaus:
Marriage is already a contract by civil law, but it ain't the kind of contract that can attract the penalty of a fine/jail time should one or more of the parties involved be found wanting.

The reason for this is because, as much as it's a contract pledging commitment between two people, you really can't force anyone to remain committed to another person on an emotional and sexual level against his/her own freewill - that will be tantamount to abuse on one's civil liberties.

Which is why there is an option for divorce (terminating said contract) should one or both parties require an out.

The aim is not to force people but to regulate during the marriage and not only at termination. Of course the freedom of terminating a marriage would be there. Termination of a marriage also comes with a price. So losing time and money is not new. It's not much of a contract if one can leave by their own 'free will' throwing the other spouse into emotional turmoil. Modern marriage should be seen as a business contract with each party detailing what they expect from each other with penalties if one goes against it. I believe this is fair.

TV01:
Exactly - "fault divorce". Indeed, "no-fault" divorce is an oxymoron. Although forgiveness and restoration should be sought first, and at least be an option.

Yes, sanctions up to and including imprisonment are not unreasonable.

Exactimundo - the institution will be entered to more soberly - as it was, and should be done.


A1* . Given the purpose and benefits of marriage, it should be shored up all round and supported by force of law. Divorce is actually the anti-thesis of marriage, so shoring up divorce can only serve to weaken marriage.


In faith terms I disagree with a "right to leave". You had a right to "not enter in the first place". But this is much better than what we have - and in fact, was what we used to have.


Again, I disagree with the former, but agree with the latter. An "open marriage" is not a marriage. Another oxy-slowpoke. Marriage is by definition about life-long fidelity. Simply refrain from marriage as stated - people are free to order their domestic arrangements as they see fit. If they are eligible for, and choose marriage, they abide by it's strictures.


TV

Lol, I agree that the idea of an open marriage is an oxymoron. I just threw that in there for the non- religious amongst us. Now for the religious ones, and since Nigeria boasts to be a religious country, I really don't see how sanctions and penalties for adultery should be a problem, lol.

MRBrownJ:
so you mean you WOULDNT cheat if you had a mad man as a partner?

makes sense, but sadly:
1) such law would simply facilitate cheating for rich men, who would gladly pay the fines
2) such law would remove the responsibility of acting RIGHT in marriage, from spouse to government.... no bueno!
3) such law focusses solely on compensating the cheated and doesnt really help the institution of marriage
4) such law "punishes" men who want out of marriage,as if marriage was a life sentence
5) such law favors the desperate women who pretend to be who they are NOT until they get married, and reveal their true self after marriage, thus wanting to stay married AT ALL COST (even if/when they are in a miserable union)
6) such law favors the women who were sexy and attractive before marriage, and who turned into baby whales after a few babies, and forces their husbands to stay with them, even if they dont want to any longer.
7) the cheating partner, AND the person he cheated with, would need to be punished for this law to make some sense. any woman/man sleeping with a married person must pay half the fine imposed... so that people must think twice before being with anyone

No I would not cheat. I have the option of separation and divorce.

These sanctions are just a rough schematic. I believe our abled lawyers and legislative arms will do more justice to these suggestions I have made if they are ever enforced.

1) I knew you were going to come with the rich men angle. Fines however will be dependent on percentages like taxes. E.g 90% of the cheater's salary would be taken by the government for 6 months. It's not going to be a definite amount but as a proportion to ones income.

2) I don't believe so.

3) Compensation is not bad. It's better than staying in a typical adulterous Nigerian marriage with no compensation. We have men selling the idea they can 'cheat and still love' their wives. This is for them to show such 'love' by paying a compensation.

4 & 5) There is also the option of not getting married. You guys always talk about not wanting to get married. I think you should be grateful instead you have a reason not to get married. It will limit the mockery the institution has been reduced to. Marriage would then more likely be for serious people.

Modern Marriage should be seen as a business contract. In fact the state needs to draw up a contract, laying out generic rules and regulations. Now each couple can now tweak those rules as they please depending on what they would like from the marriage, including clauses for sanctions and penalties. If any party goes against whatever they agreed to, they should be penalized.

6) lol, include it to your marriage contract that she has no right to get fat.

7) absolutely. I have no issue in punishing the mistress/mister. For example North Carolina has a law where the spouse that was cheated on can sue the mister/mistress for alienation of affection.

In summary, the marriage institution needs some regulation in Nigeria. As of now we are power is being given to divorce rather than the institution itself.

crackhaus:
Idealistic, but unrealistic.

This is going to infringe on a citizen's right to/freedom of association.

I do not agree it will infringe on the citizen's right to associate if we define marriage in terms of a contract. There are penalties when you go against a contract.

MRBrownJ:
well, if cheating means that much to you, that you are willing to die for it, then so be it

Naa it does not mean that much to me. Just having a discussion on a theoretical basis.
Now, my moralistic opinion is that cheaters in marriage should be fined and policed by the government and a considerable amount given to the partner that was cheated on. In the advent of lack of income to pay the government, the cheater goes to jail for a month or 2 or 3. It will not solve the cheating problem, but it would regulate it and help bring some sanity into the institution. The law is too focused on 'divorce'. Laws need to be introduced to protect and preserve the marriage institution and the partners involved in the institution. You will still have the right to leave the institution, but you will be fined for it. In Nigeria, where conclusions are analyzed and arrived at through religion, I don't see how most people would have a problem with this. This will enable only sincere people to get into that institution. The only exception would be if both parties prior to the marriage agree to have an open marriage. Also there will be the freedom of not getting married at all.

kaboninc:
Still werey

How far? How market?

Really? You called me werey?

MRBrownJ:
and yet, intelligent and evolved women know that and still wanna cheat on these lower animals?! makes no damn sense!

I think this is even more justification for the female to cheat. When they realize the lower animal they are dealing with, cheating is inevitable. And in comparison to a cheater (female) vs murderer (male), the law and society would be more lenient on the cheater than the murderer. It's a slight win for the female compared to the lower evolved predisposed to violence male.

Mindfulness:
I know you are joking but what about all these women who fight the mistress?

They regressed?

They regressed o. Those are primitive beta females. The highly evolved alpha female has developed highly specialized communication skills to deal with her adversary. Biology praises our communication and language skills. No need for violence. Only lower animals like men resort to violence to resolve conflict.

The right to associate is a fundamental right, so if your wife is cheating on you, try and talk it through and hope for better or let her go.

Men have not evolved to solve crisis through organized speech. Women have. Men are still on the level of lower animals that is why they resort to violence to solve conflicts. Yup I said it!

I can just imagine growing up with two hefty Nigerian males as parents...Lmao! That is scary, mehn!

TV01:
Think? Think?? I'm too busy applauding to think...I'm a bro'dude na...nothing like multi-tasking

God bless you real good Stilly.

TV

Amen o. We have to unlearn some of these doctrines. It's unbelievable what the modern church has turned into with this money thing.

TV01:
Tithing is not mandatory for Christians. You are free to pay a tithe as mandated by your religious institution, but be clear; a tithe is not demanded by God.

What is demanded however is that your parents take proper care of their child and lay good grounds for their futures. If your parents won't listen to you, please involve someone they will listen too.

Don't set a precedent of spending your money when they should be spending theirs, unless they genuinely don't have.

Appreciate your desire to please God, and your care and concern for your sibling.


TV

Didn't know you were already on this thread!

Otth:
Okay, this is a challenge I need a solution to. My parents are saying no money no money when it is obvious that they have. My little brother is home because he has outstanding fees so I was wondering if I should give him my tithe to pay part while I pay the tithe next month when I get my next salary, I don't know what to do.

Mods please move it to fp, I need urgent solution to this.

Please pay your brother's school fees. The kingdom of God is not built on your tithes and offerings. Tithes was established in the old testament so that the Levites who do not work and do not have an inheritance would be taken care of. It was also to be given to the poor and widows at certain times and there were also certain times the tither uses the tithe on himself. Your brother needs help, help him. Don't let illiterate Nigerian pastors scare you silly. Nigerian pastors are not descendants of the Levitical priesthood. They have inheritance. Paul explains that the only priest we look up to is Jesus Christ. If you want to give to Jesus, give to those in need, for He said I came to you when I was poor and you didn't give to me. Nigerian pastors have adopted all the money parts of the law, forgetting that whoever wants to be judged by the law, has to keep everything in the law.
If you want to give 10% to the church, do it by your own freewill because the church will pay bills, simple. Don't let them use Malachi 3 to scare you. God understands your predicament.

TV01 what do you think?

Acidosis:
So you all expect a Nigerian doctor or a male nurse to manufacture iPAD abi?

How many of you would support a struggling Nigerian engineer without comparing him to his counterparts in the banks?

Someone even condemned Nigerian men for failing to convert sun to solar energy. She needs to be told that an OYINBO woman (Dr. Maria Telkes) invented a solar-powered heating system. Now, apart from eating Burger and coke, what has she contributed to better the lives of other humans in the world?

Another Oyibo woman called Letitia Geer invented a medical syringe in 1899. What have you all contributed to the medical profession apart from complaints about the Nigerian medical system, and reasons why Nigerian women should always run to obodo-yinbo for caesarian?

As una like chilled ice cream and yoghurt reach, who among you know say na oyibo woman like una invent a modern refrigerator. Her name is Florence Palpart.

The anty Kudirats and sister Nkirus on Nairaland, na woman like una invent Wi-Fi and so much more. So stop the comparison & unhealthy competitions, and support NIGERIAN MEN.

Do not kill MEN with depression.

I hope I don't kill you people's self esteem on this board. Please o, na joke.
Remember you are talking to a feminist who does not see anything wrong in supporting a decent, well brought up man. Remember our dating pattern is not defined by how much a man makes because we have all that covered by ourselves.
The proportional percentages between the Nigerian woman and her western counterparts in innovative science are roughly close to each other.
Now lets talk about the huge proportional difference between the Nigerian male and his western counterparts in innovative science. Let's see how that goes.

Besides nobody is competing with Naija men. Naija men should compete with their counterparts in the West and East.

Chillisauce:
Depression never begin catch them.
Instead of focusing energy on making life easy for their women and children by building great empire they are here murdering wife's and children. Using for rituals....
Look at the hot sun ...free energy given to Africans. Ordinary solar panels to generate electricity they can't manufacture . N'a to dey online 24 7 ...fighting feminism
.
Coconut heads

Lol. Don't mind them. They haven't done 1/4 of what Oyibo men have done to reduce the burden they have placed on their women and they are already depressed? Lmao! 99% of the kitchen appliances African women are enjoying today are Oyibo-made, left to Nigerian men we would still be using that traditional stone to grind pepper. Lmao! Thank God for Oyibo.

I lean more on Cococandy's thought process because I believe this attitude towards abuse is more psychological than the economics of financial status. You still find women staying with abusive men in developed countries where all reasonable tools have been provided to enable them to leave such abusive settings. Women who are financially stable or not can suffer abuse. So what's the psychology behind a female staying with an abuser, is the question we need to deal with and I don't have the answer. But a consistent factor or statistic that cuts across the rich or poor is that girls who witness domestic violence are more vulnerable to abuse as teens and adults. If you had fathers who were abusive to your mums, get help, seek counselling before getting into any form of partnership with the other sex.

Acidosis:
Good night

Good morning!
I hope you got the message that since Nigerian men consider it an abomination to take up 'feminine roles', you'd better do everything humanly possible to carry out your roles to provide, protect and produce. The Nigerian woman is justified not to pick up these 'masculine roles' as well. .

Acidosis:
First, the thread is not about feminism or women.

Whether feminists like it or not, men would not give birth through the pen*s. In as much as you feminists would want to switch that role, nature has divinely dedicated that aspect to women. So it's not a factor of the society, but nature. Like any other mammal, a woman is expected to breastfeed and cater for her children (men don't breastfeed).

Hehehe. You are getting sentimental. There is a difference between sex and gender. Gender equality does not infringe on our clear and specific biological dispositions. However for roles such as cooking and cleaning, which we socially refer to as feminine roles, these do not have genetic basis. Hence why we have men as the best chefs in the world.

The society on the other hand expects lots from men. A less wealthy man is often considered as UNMANly enough. The society also condemns men who cry. I've seen women who vowed never to date a man who sheds tears as they're mostly considered as weaklings.

Who created this society? And who still wants to adhere to these defined and rigid roles? Can you hear yourself?

The accumulation of these unexpressed emotions in the aim of fulfilling the expectations of the society builds up into outbursts, frustration, alcohol, etc. (e.g. Teebillz case).

What is my business here? This is the society you people want, live with it.

I'm not refuting the fact that we don't have depressed women. Many single women in their late 20s and 30s are actually facing these problems as the society (not men) mounts pressure on them.

I absolutely don't care for people who live on these rules and in turn get pressured.

It is not always about Men Vs. Women, but Men/Women Vs. the Society. If we continue to view this as men against women, we can never get it right.

Who created society? Aliens from Mars? This indeed is about Women and Men who make up society.

When a woman (who's contended with little) marries a man of same perception about life, they will jointly confront, and defeat societal pressures.
Feminists like you expects that as soon as a woman earns more than her husband, the man (who y'all consider as weakling) should immediately pick up the culinary, washing, dishing and sweeping roles. This cannot be considered as societal pressure. It is evil based on a lustful and uncontrollable desire and love of MONEY. It is a breach of marital contract. While switch roles when you're in already?

Naa Feminists like myself apply logic. If men consider it taboo to involve themselves in culinary arts and domestic chores, women should consider it taboo to provide. I think it’s a win-win situation for societies who are hell bent on rigid roles. Feminists like myself have a shared responsibility in the household. We don't see anything wrong in paying the bills and giving men money to chop. However a lady in a strict gendered society is justified not to provide for the family. If you don't want the parity of roles, make sure you adhere strictly to your own side and fulfill the demands placed on your gender. Anything outside of this is hypocritical or trying to eat your cake and have it.

[quote author=Acidosis post=45277996][/quote]Acidosis what problems do you have with my statement?

So I should pity Naija men now or what?
When you deviate from the set gendered roles and reduce expectations on the male to provide, be a leader, etc, it automatically infers that we reduce expectations on the female when it comes to taking care of the home, the kids, cooking etc. But since Nigerian men are not ready to take up these 'feminine' roles, but consider them anathema to their reasoning, well, let these strong, set in stone patriarchal standards continue. But know that if you cannot meet up (which most of you will end up doing like Teebillz) and dare to take out your frustrations on your wife, we feminists will joyfully deal with you appropriately.

Society must rethink this issue of pretentious monogamy vis-à-vis polygamy so that in the not-too-distant future we do not end up with millions of unmarried women whose life style would be worse than prostitutes’ and millions of children whose fathers would be nowhere to be found.

Rubbish.

Acidosis:
Nice exposition.

I'm only trying to draw the attention of women to the fact that "gender equality" is alien to our generation, it won't start in a day. A woman who never see herself as EQUAL to her brothers (in terms of responsibilities, opportunities) has no right whatsoever to demand for equality on marital issues.

We cannot continue to deceive one another all the time. Majority of men who kick against gender equality bill were raised by mothers who never believed or attempt to treat their sons like the female counterparts.

The equality we all look forward to start from birth.

I'm particularly happy about the keyword "responsibilities" in the UN definition.

I agree it won't start in a day. But people like myself won't shut up about it though until a balance is reached!

raumdeuter:
If you see a 7year old girl beating up your 7yr old boy, How would you react?

Or if your 7yr old boy came home crying that he was beaten by a 7yr old girl on the playground?

I would separate the fight in scenario 1, go to the playground in scenario 2, and make both understand that violence is never the answer except under circumstances of self defense which is well within the law, however in the instance of self defense the jury would also determine if the amount of force used during your self defense was appropriate. They should rather use their words to settle conflicts. That is what civilized humans do. If they can't come to a consensus it is also ok to agree to disagree and move along.

KevinDein:
Black woman is unarguably the most insecure human specimen with the most inferiority complex. Apart from the fact that they hate their skin color and hair, they are, disgusting as it is, quick to swallow whatever the west propagates hook line and sinker.
Right here on nairaland, the biggest supporters of gay, feminism (OK, understandably) and all sorts of immoral stuffs from the west are women.
They literally hate everything about themselves.

I find this absolutely absurd when series of studies point that despite the history of slavery, the American black woman has a higher self esteem in America than their white or Asian counterpart. This trait is also seen in blacks in general.

http://www.rcgd.isr.umich.edu/prba/perspectives/springsummer2004/adams.pdf

Black adolescent girls are confronted with gendered role messages on sexual attractiveness and accommodation as well as racial messages about Black marginality in White America. Despite the effects of negative media images, early puberty onset, and unplanned pregnancies, a plethora of quantitative and qualitative studies have reported that Black adolescent girls consistently present high self-esteem scores (Adams, 2003; Alan Guttmacher Institute, 1999; Brodsky, 1999; Brown et al., 1998; Dukes & Martinez, 1994; Gray-Little & Hafdahl, 2000; Makkar & Strube, 1995; Milkie, 1999; Twenge & Crocker, 2002). In an empirical review of race comparative research published from 1980-2000, Adams (2003) found that 23 of 26 studies reported that Black girls had higher self-esteem than White girls. Black adolescent girls may be facing difficult circumstances but they consistently rate higher on self-esteem than any other racial group (Twenge & Crocker, 2002).

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0092656611000912

Black individuals have been found to report the highest levels of self-esteem of any racial group in the United States. The purpose of the present research was to examine whether Black individuals also report higher levels of narcissism than White individuals. Study 1 (N = 367) found that Black individuals reported higher levels of narcissism than White individuals even when controlling for gender, self-esteem level, and socially desirable response tendencies. Study 2 (N = 967) and Study 3 (N = 315) found similar results such that Black individuals reported higher levels of narcissism than White individuals on the narcissism measures that captured less pathological facets of this construct. Study 3 also included indicators of psychological adjustment and found that the pathological aspects of narcissism were more strongly associated with maladjustment for Black individuals than for White individuals. The implications of these results for understanding the Black self-esteem advantage are discussed.

5. How would you describe gender equality? equal rights and opportunities, right? Why do you sometimes feel your little son is superior and powerful than his female counterparts in school?

UN definition:
Equality between women and men (gender equality): refers to the equal rights, responsibilities and opportunities of women and men and girls and boys. Equality does not mean that women and men will become the same but that women’s and men’s rights, responsibilities and opportunities will not depend on whether they are born male or female. Gender equality implies that the interests, needs and priorities of both women and men are taken into consideration, recognizing the diversity of different groups of women and men. Gender equality is not a women’s issue but should concern and fully engage men as well as women. Equality between women and men is seen both as a human rights issue and as a precondition for, and indicator of, sustainable people-centered development.

njokusboy:
Lol....
What can't you relate with, doesn't Africa have the biggest market for Brazilian, Peruvian and whatever kind of hair there is, do you know that atleast 80% of Nigerian women have attempted to bleach to bleach their skin at one point or the other?
You can relate alright, perhaps, you do relate...

Let me give you a break down of the Nigerian girl growing up in the 80's and 90's which make up the youth population of today and you will see why most of us cannot relate to this premise.
Lil Kim's quote:
All my life, men have told me I wasn't pretty enough - even the men I was dating: A Nigerian guy dating a Nigerian girl from the okada man to a director of a company would never say this. In fact there is a stereotype that a Nigerian man meeting you for the first time would say ' I love you', 'I want to marry you'. This does not mean he means it, but he knows he cannot antagonize the woman he's dating. It is when he marries you, he graduates into a full arch-demon.

It's always been men putting me down just like my dad - Some Black Americans typically have generational daddy issues. Lil Kim ran away from home as a teenager. Her parents were divorced. I did not know any single child with divorced parents in the 80s or 90s. There were divorced people in our society but it was hidden. Our fathers are very much in our lives, whether good or bad. They ain't going nowhere.

I have low self-esteem and I always have. Guys always cheated on me with women who were European-looking. You know, the long-hair type. Really beautiful women that left me thinking: Nigeria does not have a considerable european looking population for Nigerian women to begin to compare and contrast.

So according to the title of this post, The ultimate source of the black woman self esteem and insecurities is that black men did not tell her she was pretty enough just like her dad and black men left her for european looking women.

We cannot relate to this sort of premise. I can relate to the adverse effects of colonialism on the African black psyche hence the proliferation of bleaching creams and weaves. Even African men had to stick to low cuts because it offended the colonialists if they let their hair grow out. It is appropriate we have our perspectives correct when discussing these issues.