₦airaland Forum

njokusboy:
.

Aint got time to be creating useless threads about some perceived injustices, I am too busy solving all the problems in this country, you guys spend your whole life whining, its little wonder Nigerian women are dangling at the bottom of the food chain... those discriminations are actually what spur me on, LEARN...
You guys have been whining about some discrimination, by men, society, ur parents, siblings, pastors, in laws, churches and just about anything on this planet, as far back as I can remember... Now that is what generic is...

Female issues will be discussed to our satisfaction. Gender relations MUST be discussed! Otherwise quit Nairaland. If I see it, I will discuss it.
As far as there is ANY one Nigerian woman that is facing discrimination, even if it is 0.5% of the population, it will be discussed and she would be given tools to face her adversaries- male or FEMALE alike!
Any person who CANNOT take the heat, should take a rope and kill herself. Don't worry I would be there to push the chair.

kaboninc:
Stillfire...

That tongue that goes vavavavava...

I pity whoever you settle down with.

Continue pitying...

TooNoisy:
Which women need to be more assertive? The average Nigerian woman like you? People have personality traits. Some people will be assertive, some will not. Some will have a temper, some will not. Different people are born with personality traits. .

You said we are all agreed that women can live their lives the way we want. Then you say society discriminates against how women make choices. Please tell me when someone held a gun to your head to demand you live your life a certain way.

I will suggest you get an education and a job for starters. You sound unintelligent and unemployable!

The stupidity here is beyond redemption.
More and more emotional outbursts than concrete and logical statements. I can only say Welcome to Stillfire's class for the mentally retar.d.ed.
Various instances require assertive traits irrespective of one's personality. Assertive behavior is a behavior which enables a person to act in his own best interests, to stand up for himself without undue anxiety, to express his honest feeling comfortably, or to exercise his own rights without denying the rights of others.” Examples of being assertive...

TooNoisy:
You said your mum told you a woman should not be educated. Please go home and tell your mum you deserve an education or just get one.

You said your mum told you not to buy a car. Go ahead and buy a car if you can afford it.

You said your mum told you not to buy expensive things. Bloody well go ahead and buy it if you can afford it.

You said your mum told you never to get a job. Na hunger go clear ya eye, I pity you.

You said your mum told you never to talk back at your husband. You can slap him for all I care. He's your husband not mine.

You can imagine the contradictions you have made just because you wanna spread stup.idity on the social media. In one breath women should do what they like in another oh there are different personalities so one can't apply assertiveness where applicable. For you to succeed in life you must have these traits assertiveness and doggedness. And Society does discriminate on people who deviate from the norm. The fact that one can be assertive and ignore these social ills does not mean these discriminations would not suffice and exist in society. If you cannot understand this I cannot help you here, other than to blame your parents for your half-baked education.

Why don't you preach that NIgerian women should be less materialistic and stop focusing on Channel and Prada bags, Telemundo and Nollywood, etc. Well I guess you wouldn't focus on that because it's their choice. But there are lots of Nigerian women who have decided to succeed

More issues with no relation whatsoever with the topic. The stup.idity here is beyond sickening. In logical fallacies, this is termed as NON SEQUITAR: (literally means "does not follow in a general sense any argument which fails to establish a connection between the premises and the conclusion. There is currently a thread on family go there and discuss materialism.

TooNoisy:
You must be very confused, I have to say. In your last post, you just said a woman is free to make her decisions and choices. You even just mentioned that was what both Chilli and I just said; and that was what everyone has said.
Then you now write there is discrimination somewhere? What is discriminatory about a woman having a right to make her choices. We have all agreed a woman can make her choices, and you now talk of discrimination? Walahi, you don't have an education.

You are very si.lly. Common sense is not common after all.
Let me school you today...How does agreeing that women need to be more assertive automatically mean that these discriminatory practices do not exist?

Timbuktou:
Nigerian women cannot handle being a Nigerian man. Fact.

Njokusboy, Crackhaus your comments are 100% true. I was telling a friend that it's harder to live as a man in the world and especially in Nigeria. I don't know if she believed me, but I'm relieved to know others realise this fact. A couple of days ago, I told one of the Philistines in this forum that Nigerian men have it as bad as and even worse than Naija women. The only difference is women being their usual whingey selives and men being their stock stoic selves. Just because something isn't screaming doesn't mean they aren't going through hell; and just because someone is protesting doesnt mean they should be taken seriously.
The truth is the average Nigerian woman would commit suicide if she were saddled with the life of the average Naija man.

There is nothing wrong in you talking about your issues, it is not whining. If you need to be treated better, speak up and talk about it. Let us not silence the ones who have chosen to speak up. Viva Gender equality!

TooNoisy:
What is the meaning of fish-brain? That must be a very local slang. I guess only fish-brains know the meaning of fish-brain.

Well you now kinda agree there was never a need for the thread and it should never have been open. Hopefully, we wouldn't see a similar thread anytime soon! Ciao fish-brain (whatever it means). You can show the thread to your family members too so that they can learn from it.

I do not agree there is NOT a need for this thread.
It is very important to highlight issues that bother on discrimination in the society.
Society thrives on dialogue and how we can make it better. Even our so-called primitive foremothers discussed their issues, let alone a modern society.
Next time don't fly into a thread and spread your butt cheeks and fart everywhere creating a sordid stench/nuisance.

Mindfulness:
Showing off.
There are white people who are rich but don't show it. It is hard to find such people among Nigerians.



Why do you think rappers look like this? Why are they showing off money, cars and women they paid for in almost all of their videos?

https://cdn.pigeonsandplanes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Rich-Ass-Rappers.jpg


Why doesn't Bill Gates behave like this? Why didn't Steve Jobs behave like this?



I also think that there are more white ladies who do not place as much value on fashion in the sense of "dress to impress" as Nigerian ladies even when they can afford high quality fashion.


I am not being judgmental here sweetheart, just descriptive.

You are even going far, in comparison to most Africans, Nigerians come tops in placing exaggerated value on material things.

TooNoisy:
The very same lame lines you guys use when all your arguments have been destroyed.



So what should be done about your complaints please? I will tell you how you can end it.

You said your mum told you a woman should not be educated. Please go home and tell your mum you deserve an education or just get one.

You said your mum told you not to buy a car. Go ahead and buy a car if you can afford it.

You said your mum told you not to buy expensive things. Bloody well go ahead and buy it if you can afford it.

You said your mum told you never to get a job. Na hunger go clear ya eye, I pity you.

You said your mum told you never to talk back at your husband. You can slap him for all I care. He's your husband not mine.

The way to fix these problems is to have a discussion with your parents and family members that told you such BS; and make sure you don't tell the same BS to your children!

Chillisauce:
not applicable to me.
Made my own rules, lived by it and still living by it.
Lodged in different 5stars hotels across the country and obodo oyigbo. All alone and sometimes with bobos
did my own share of clubbing and going to church the next day

if i die today, no shaking. I did well.

Coming back next world, i come back as me.
Full option.

make una dey dia dey grind teeth.
This one world that has been existing for billion of yrs, you end up in this generation. You dey here dey grind teeth dey shout society.
The hell fire and heaven is in this world

make your choice and live by it.

You have just recanted all that was said in the first two pages before you went on an emotional, anti NL women rant. Chillisauce had already said this.
There is nothing new you said here, but just that you need to learn how to argue your thoughts devoid of sentimentally personalizing an issue when asked to give your views. Only fish-brains would resort to emotional outbursts or hang on to age long imaginary tiffs they have with anonymous posters on the net.

njokusboy:
Kpele oh... you can't get away with this one...

You, other women as well as whoever created this thread know the essense is to magnify the female problems and make it look as if men have it better... we can't let such nonsense fly, if you are gonna be talking about discrimination, then make it balanced gatdammit. I get tired of one sided threads such as this, they are quite ubiquitous on this section..
You lots marry earlier than us...
Get all the love from the children we also struggled to bear..
Are viewed with less suspicion
Are given preferential treatment wherever you go..
Carry less burdens...
And even live longer than us..

You also complain more... what is wrong with you people?

Mr njokusboy, what was the damn consensus in the first two pages before the generic, wish washy anti NL feminists rants took over?
If you find that threads are one sided, create your own threads to highlight your issues and create the balance you are looking for.

TooNoisy:
I don't get the reason why threads like this have to be opened every week. The issues may exist but several other issues also exist and people don't come here to complain. Everybody is discriminated against in Nigeria: Hausa, Igbo, Yoruba, Ijaw, Christian, Muslim, men, women, children. Everybody complains.

Last time I checked the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, there is no legal clause to shut down views based on other groups facing discrimination. Highlighting females issues does not make the other forms of discrimination higher or lower. Besides whenever you see threads like this, there is the option of staying out of it.
Unless Seun has changed the rules on what should be posted on NL - this is a forum and a forum is a place, meeting, or medium where ideas and views on a particular issue can be exchanged. You cannot silence a group's message based on emotional outbursts or feelings or on account that other people are discriminated against. In fact the law posits that you speak up when discriminated against.

So when men get told "be a man' or "man up" when they display any form of emotion, do they come here and complain? A man loses a loved one or is going through tough times and all you hear is "be a man and stop worrying". Some would even come here and define a "real man" like there are fake ones. Do men come here and complain?

A little boy is doing poorly in school and all you hear people tell him "you want your wife to feed you in future", abi you never hear that one before? I will ask you to tell me 2 families you know personally where the female children were not sent to school while the male ones are. Tell me the ones you know personally. Yet you all will come here and say "the average Nigerian family will not send the girls to school so that she can marry". Are you now from a special Nigerian family? In this same Nigeria where alot of women now earn more than men sef!

People who do not complain against discrimination and societal prejudices are obviously content with their position in life. Now the problem comes in when people who choose not to 'complain' about their plight, think it is ok to push such ideology on people who choose to dialogue about their issues. The bandwidth of nairaland is large enough to discuss whatever issues. You can highlight these issues and speak about them since you care so much. But unfortunately this is a thread for female issues, and discussed it shall to the pleasure, benefit and utmost satisfaction to all those who are interested in it.

OgaMadam:
People stop taking things so personally and see the wood for the trees,
as in see the question for what it is.

No one is ugly you say. But a woman needs to marry a guy who is lower than
her in looks cause then she shines bright like the delicate flower she should be.

Jesus Christ! This is some serious insecurity and low self-esteem issues.

ApexTitan:
^

The reason why these threads "degenerate" to this level is because people are now aware that these kinds of threads are created not to proffer solutions to the problems of women but to make the woman feel special as a victim. If any other demographic or group came out to cry how difficult things are for them in the country they would be told to suck it up and dismissed. With all the hardship that women experience in this country they still somehow manage to outlive the men - that should give an indication who is really the hardest hit.

Women outlive men even in Saudi Arabia. What is your point?
This is a forum - a place, meeting, or medium where ideas and views on a particular issue can be exchanged.
In fact a victim mentality is devoid of clear evidence. Is it evident that the issues that the OP highlighted exists? It would be highly disingenuous to argue against that.
If certain things do not appeal to anyone's sensibilities, a click is not far away.

babygirlfl:
The fact that a man wrote this means that there are people who talk and do things for other people. Most of us are not affected by the Nigerian society and what they think or their laws. However we know and empathise with women who suffer from these discrimination. We also would like to make a change because we do realise that the common good of everybody supersedes the common good of one man. Sometimes in life you just have to do things for other people. It is not always about you.

I keep hearing people say that people only rant on the Internet and do nothing else. My question is do you know everybody? Do you know what they do? Do you follow them home? How exactly do you know they are not doing anything? The Internet is very powerful and there is nothing wrong in using it to enlighten people. A lot of money is now spent on Internet advertising because they realise how powerful it is. Distant learning courses are even sometimes delivered through the Internet.

One reason our country remains in that state is because of this kind of selfish attitude. Most people are concerned about themselves alone. I am fine so I don't care about anyone else. In most countries, when people notice any form of discrimination or inequality, they create awareness and fight to put laws in place to correct them. In Nigeria, most people sit and accept the problem while looking for other people to join in their misery, deny its not happening or decide not to do anything because it does not affect them leaving the next generation to come and face the same problem.

If you don't want to do anything, no problem but don't stop people that want to do something. We do understand that what we represent is not for everyone .Also don't tell us how to do it right. If I did not like something or think something was bad, I would not tell the people how to do it right. I would be happy it was not being done well. I would only be bothered if I am against something and it is beginning to get a headway. We sure will get there. We might make mistakes along the way but we will correct them and get there one day.

Absolutely! An awareness is created and it's through expositions like this we deal with IGNORANCE in our society.
It's like talking about a case of child abuse, and then your defense is to highlight cases of children who have killed their parents.
Women have chosen to highlight their issues...who the heck is stopping others from talking about their issues?
The first two pages were quite balanced and from what I could garner- females needed to be more ASSERTIVE. Every other post onward was the typical, generic bandwagon effect.

TooNoisy:
These are just the frustrations of failed women who always believe they are the victim. Forbes conducted a survey of the 100 most powerful women in Africa and 45% of them were Nigerians. The richest black woman in the world is a Nigerian. The former Prime Minister (Ngozo Okonjo Iweala) in the last administration was a woman and certainly the most powerful Minister (Diezani) was a woman.

The highest paid CEO is a woman (Sola David-Borha of Standbic Ibtc). Young female entrepreneurs abound in Nigeria, people in government, in the private sector. Our lazy women on Nairaland just love playing the victim card because of their failed lives. Rather than focus on how to better their lives, they come here and complain. Abeg leave them alone!

I don't get why threads like this often have to degenerate to such lengths.
Do the issues highlighted in the first post not exist?
Despite the strides made in Nigeria by women, do these issues not still exist?
Some issues would actually require legislation to be addressed and I don't believe you have to taint them as whining or being lazy when people highlight issues they face.

NigerianBelle:
It seems that the majority of the Nigerian women I've come in contact with abroad (not in Nigeria, but in America, Europe, &c) are extremely materialistic, shallow, and vain. So many of them focus on purses, shoes, labels, hair, makeup, and the like. When they come in contact with a sister, they don't talk about values of mind, body or spirit but the value of the bag on her arm or the gold in her earrings. Style, clothes, body image, and other similar topics seem to be the sole subject of their conversations. Why is this? Is it a cultural characteristic? Is it the economic status of the country that drives putting such an exaggerated value on materialistic items or physical attributes? Not that I have never come across a Nigerian woman who seems to have her values straight, but these are rare and far between.

This is true. There is an exaggerated value on materialistic items, 'hottest' trends and pop culture and I believe you aren't used to this type of show-offs hence this thread. It can feel weird or rather shocking to someone not used to the Nigerian social atmosphere.

Acidosis:
Do people really care about this?

I'm lost

Chillisauce:

You see them blaming juju for wandering blokoses

As innnnnn...
She used juju on him.
Blokoses that has destined to wander will wander .

Meanwhile where is burnt palace?
That user name sounds like burnt sacrifice
Ileobatojo this your burnt offering no follow o

Lollllll.

damiso:
i just came back from naija and I think the hardest thing to be in Naija is Poor
Really I would rather be Linda Ikeji in banana island anytime anyday than one of the thousands of men selling gala in go slow.
When all the people online who say ' Linda go and marry ' log out I will still be in my mansion while they are putting on their 'I better pass my neighbour 'generator.
I agree it's hard to develop a thick skin , but one needs to learn to not seek self validation from the typical naija society. A lot of naija people have an opinion about everything so it's pointless just do you.God knows how many 'you are not acting like a married woman ' I heard .I never knew marriage makes one grow wings or automatically confers 'Madam' title I reject that 'madam' title with every fibre of my being.

Damiso I hope you are dressing like this You must be Madam by force.

Chillisauce:
Cc Stillfire

Come and see your leaders of tomorrow

Lmao!

naanxie:
So, I work my ass off, keep late nights at work, meet/ beat deadlines and I decide to spend MY money on Gucci purses, Chanel shoes, red bottoms, vacation trips, while still doing my bit for the society and you dare say I'm materialistic??


Who then am I working for?? And if I decide not to invest, whose business is it?? So long as I don't come to you begging..


I meet beau49 for the first time and you expect I ask about her 'faith', sexual life and so called 'deep' issues?? I will withdraw from you if you try such. I'd rather ask her why she is wearing heels despite being 5'10 That's how relationships start!


Freeze of CoolFm spends hundreds of thousands of naira on wristwatches and happily flaunts them, what do you call that?


I rest my case,

Lollll.

@NigerianBelle
I do understand how you feel. Many of these girls can be excessive, I agree. And I also notice the contrast between the new arrivals and people who have lived abroad all their lives. There's a materialism on another level going on with the new arrivals both male and female e.g owning 2-3 smart phones etc. I don't get it and I can never get it. But it is their lives. Everyone has their use in your life some to make an impact and some as comic reliefs.

Burntpalace:
And yet, here you were on one of the posted examples...

Haaaaaaa abajo, Lilmax is this trueeeeeeeeeeeeee??

pickabeau1:
On Halle berry? Lol

Halle should never have let Gabriel go...
Ok seriously it's obvious who has the problem and it's Halle.

funlord:



Chaiii! So the message that the aba women rioters tried to pass during the last century has entered voicemail be that?

Abeg oh, naija women should adopt the european and asian style and be independently happy abeg! All these ethno-traditional crap does not fly around me or my woman! Please strive to be different!

We don't need to adopt any European ways. African women had always fought for their rights before the Europeans and Asians.

[b]Colonialism resulted in the loss of political position and power for Igbo women in Nigeria; the Victorian assumption, on the part of the British colonial administrators, that women were incapable of political leadership, resulted in the failure of the administrators to perceive the traditional role played by women in Igbo political life and eventually led to the British imposition of political institutions on the Igbo which provided political roles for men only. In the traditional culture there was a balance of power between men and women. Issues relevant to men were decided by concensus of all the men in the village. Women ran their affairs through the women's town meeting where they also arrived at decisions through consensus on such matters as trade, farming, and family relationships. If the women's decisions were not accepted by the men, the women took group action, such as publicly berating a man or beating on his house until he repented or by conducting a village-wide cooking strike if the men refused to clear the paths to the market. These forms of collective action were referred to as sitting on a man or "making war on the man" and were viewed as legitimate by the men in the community. When the British extended their control over Igbo, they viewed the diffuse authority patterns of the Igbo as a sign of anarchy and proceeded to divide up the region into districts and arbitrarily appoint natives, usually someone predisposed to the British position, as the warrant chief for the district. These chiefs were given complete authority and the traditional decision making power for both sexes was ignored. The women responded by holding a town meeting and deciding to "make war" on the repressive warrant chiefs. In towns throughout the region, the women congregated at the administrative centers, burned the buildings, and berated the new chiefs.[/b] The British responded in typically ethnocentric fashion; they failed to perceive the traditional system at work and quelled what they considered to simply be unruly mob behavior. Later reforms lead to the restoration of political pwer for Lgbo men but not for the women. Missionaries also contributed to the decline in political power for women. They viewed the women's town meeting as a pagan ritual and reserved job related education for Igbo men only. - See more at: http://www.popline.org/node/510467#sthash.Dl6rMpsP.dpuf

lilmax:
i don't know who told nigerian women not to buy cars ,which societal norms dem dey follow?

If its the olden days, it's acceptable. But in this present day where women are educated there's no excuse

The idea is that Nigerian men are threatened by women who went to the car dealership to buy a car with their own money, lol, thereby 'limiting' her chances of being married.

^^^Lmao!

Chillisauce:
They are fighting for their rights oh.
In terms of blokoses
Na dis most Nigerian women dey carry first.

Lmao!
Or how to beat up their husbands mistresses. Nigerian women know their rights for that one.

Lol.

pickabeau1:
ok..no p

your thoughts?

Gabriel is hot. Damn!

https://i234.photobucket.com/albums/ee136/suwarnaadi/hair/GabrielAubryWavyHairstyle.jpg

https://media3.popsugar-assets.com/files/2013/01/02/3/192/1922398/0b8ffbba2a0a2fa9_gabrielaubry.xxxlarge_2.jpg

Chillisauce:
not applicable to me.
Made my own rules, lived by it and still living by it.
Lodged in different 5stars hotels across the country and obodo oyigbo. All alone and sometimes with bobos
did my own share of clubbing and going to church the next day

if i die today, no shaking. I did well.

Coming back next world, i come back as me.
Full option.

make una dey dia dey grind teeth.
This one world that has been existing for billion of yrs, you end up in this generation. You dey here dey grind teeth dey shout society.
The hell fire and heaven is in this world

make your choice and live by it.

Lol, as of the 1900s Igbo women were demanding that the British promote and give them positions as they did the men. In 2015 Nigerian women cannot fight for their rights and be assertive in their life choices. I'm sure our foremothers would be turning in their graves.

funlord:


This article should have had the heading; "being a LOCAL nigerian woman is hard! Most of the women "I" know don't subscribe to this b.s!

Lmao, local. Welcome to Nairaland. You will realize you've been living in a parallel universe all your life and majority of Nigerians are indeed LOCAL.

https://www.nairaland.com/1406504/it-proper-single-lady-live

https://www.nairaland.com/2144641/should-unmarried-working-class-lady

https://www.nairaland.com/1906833/which-better-single-lady-getting

https://www.nairaland.com/2652299/ladies-owning-car-scare-away

tyconcepts:
Nah...Momsi rather I borrow hers than own mine for the 6th started reasons.

I always reiterate that Nigerian parents would baby you till they die. This 'protection' worsens as a female child. You will need to teach them one or two or many lessons before they get the memo that you are an adult. I actually agree to the ballessness a poster ascribed to. How do you address these issues when they come up? Do you just give up or put your foot down? Most of these things would be dealt with if Nigerian females begin to be assertive in their life decisions. But be prepared for the consequences and take full responsibility for your actions.

lilmax:
This proves Most Nigerian women are weak and ballless, always playing the victim card


Just imagine, you have your own money to buy whatever you want to

Just imagine this nonsense "* Heaven forbid I own a car or a house for the
same aforementioned reasons. The only place I
can live till I marry, is my parent’s home.".......this proves my point,instead of getting what they want,they are here zombieing to the society

Women are socialized to be modest and then add the African idea of 'respect to elders', you have a generation of weaklings. It has to take an understanding of self, a personal self-reflection to go against societal norms. Most will never reach that point.

tyconcepts:
Like damn.....The post took my mind back to 2013 when I had the opportunity and cash to buy a car (was working and earning something reasonable)....If you hear and see the way my mum kicked against it vehemently as though I was planning on buying poison ehennnn.

Did you go ahead to buy it?