₦airaland Forum

Sorry to burst your bubble, most of us here cannot relate, go to an American blog and discuss your insecurities.

sandiyke:
There is something about living in a negative environment/atmosphere, it tend to change who we really are. Believe it or not, this toxic marriage of yours has succeeded in bringing out a part of you that you are not really happy with.

Absolutely. People take this for granted. People are not aware this causes psychological damage. You are more likely to develop symptoms of depression and anxiety. You need to take care of yourself first before thinking about what the pastor or society says about divorce.

You have to leave this marriage. God gave you many reasons and instances to leave, but you blinded yourself to them. Now you are being charged for assault. If you go to jail because of this, the daughter you are trying to protect won't see you either. Is it worth it in the end? Is this worth your sanity, your morals, your standards? You obviously love her more than you love yourself.

akinsal:
To wash plate...

Lmao!

It is wrong according to patriarchal customs where gender roles are very clear and defined. Men are not supposed to be found in market areas.

lezz:
Why are you making allusion to population?

And since when does the scripture became a dress to be amended to soothe the shape and weight of men?

Did the OP made any allusion to population?

You didn't see the metarphor ? Look again.

You've got to be kidding me. This was your opening statement:

These are the foretelling of the holy Book.
Are we already at the threshold of this prophesy or is it still an occurence we await?

By asking that question YOUR initial interpretation was that the prophecy is just now being fulfilled or it will be fulfilled in future. This a verse Nigerians typically insinuate differences in gender ratios as again proven by your statement. Whereas this prophesy in the scripture had already been fulfilled over 2000 years ago, and it is dead and buried. Your statement in bold counters the metaphorical emphasis you are trying to redeem yourself with. You goofed up!

This is what happens when you try swindle religion into secular issues. If you want to discuss faith, discuss it. If you want to discuss economic issues, discuss that. And stop making a mockery of christians like myself.

Dcholeric:
nice post, that's exactly what we have been saying , in the bible scriptures you made reference to, 'there was a situation then that made women propose rather than being proposed to' .
1: in recent era, the op stated reasons why more women are likely to hold on to an available man (which he metioned how the present state of the worlds general economy negatively affects the fininacial stability of men in most communities ) , thereby leaving just a handful of men who are readily and willingly available for marriage.
2: and I dare to say that the same way the population of men was reduced drastically by deaths in the scripture you quoted, "that same theory " still plays a reasonable role in the unavailability of marriageable number men in recent times .

Refer to above post!

Dcholeric:
that's how we roll , we like to take away the hope of society miscreants .

well lezz said something about how the op has little to do with gender population ratio.

and yes wiki is to a point more reliable than a good number of information sources and yes again, your site (the one you included in your quote of me) It's erm..erm, "let me be linient ", It's not recognized.

But the heading and by also including a bible verse, had everything to do with world gender population.

....... In that day seven women will take hold of one man and say, "We will eat our own food and provide our own clothes; only let us be called by your name. Take away our disgrace!" Isaiah 4:1

Stop making a mockery of Christianity. This scripture is not apt in today's realities as the statistics prove there are more men than women even in Nigeria. China and India for example are on a gender ratio crisis. Isaiah 4: 1 is a continuation of the prior chapters 2 and 3. The house of Jacob had deviated from the Lord, taking advantage of the poor and the penalty was that God will remove every support from Jerusalem and Judah. So great would be the calamity that will befall Israel. Isaiah 3:25 Your men will fall by the sword, your warriors in battle...this leads into Isaiah 4:1 where the women would act out of character according to Jewish customs to propose marriage rather than be proposed to because of reduced population of men as a result of war.

@kidstranglehold

I think the stance that it is mostly affluent Nigerian immigrants that come to America is quite overblown. Affluent Nigerians typically come to Western countries for university education or to give birth to their kids, then they go back home. It is the lower middle class or poor ones you typically see struggling to remain in America, because in Nigeria if you do not have the network or connections the affluent ones have, you are finished. Most of us had a relative or two who had come in here to struggle thereby opening the doors for the rest of us. Here in America, despite the racism, you can have an honest job and your boss is still required to treat you as a human being. Not the same in Nigeria. People with menial jobs in Nigeria are practically slaves to their bosses. So we remain here in America. I wish we were all wealthy, but most of us were not affluent in Nigeria.

Now wealthy or not, education is highly prioritized in any Nigerian household. Our parents use us as bragging rights to their friends. We Nigerians typically have one village meeting or the other and be rest assured our people will ask you questions like what are you doing now education wise, what schools have you applied to, when will you be graduating with a degree, It's not even a matter of just going to college, it is a matter of dominating scientific professions. An intervention meeting can be called for you if your answers are not favorable. If at all you say you want to be an actress, you must have a degree in acting, or they tell you can have your acting hobby, but you should a degree in something in case acting doesn't work out.

Faith111:
You are totally biased.
A) When a legally married man divorces his wife, all he has is split...So you are wrong.
B) It should be a woman's pride that her husband calls the shot to important family matters unlike small boys of these days who wait 4 their wives to spoon feed them.

C) A woman changes her name to dat of her husnhusband when married so has no other name to protect. It is the responsibility of a reasonable man to provide for his wife and make her look flashy.
D)If paying for important family needs is a must for all wives, then babysitting, cooking and all important domestic needs is a Must for all Husbands.

If you know what pregnancy entails.
If you know what nursing a Child entails.
If you know what domestic cores entails.
If you know what home keeping entails...
Then You Will Obviously Know a Wife has her clearly defined role which is 'Must' while Man has a Must do...
I work and assist wilfully and its Never MUST.[/b]

Errr...errr...these are the reasons though women are not automatically conscripted to the army in the advent of war.
So I think it's all fair at the end of the day.

baby124:
See his head like egg. I dislike men that are petty, even though Linda no try.

Lollllllllllllllllllllllll @ egg.

sage2:
Some women got nothing on this guy. See etiquette! lol

Lmao. Very ugly sight.

cococandy:
Equality is different from mutual respect?.

I hear you.

Lmao. They can call it whatever...all na grammatical jargon to avoid using the word 'feminism'. The message though is gradually sinking in.

faustinalove:
Babe, thats how it is. How many igbo women hav u heard filing for divorce? Are u saying that all igbo marriages are perfect? U will hardly hear of an igbo woman filing for divorce unlike d yoruba women. Even d least educated yoruba woman knows her right as a woman. They arent scared of their husbands cos they know they can always remarry easily..but its different with our igbo women.

What da heck? Why should Igbo women be filing for divorce, when Igbo men are more likely to take their marriage vows seriously?

Is having rights now analogous to the rate of divorces the female of the community has? Lmao.

Please go and read on the Igbo dual sex political system to understand who the Igbo people are. It is beyond your questionable experiences or is this a matter of using nollywood to analyze the male female dynamic in Igbo land? Where illiterates have propagated the idea of the male dominating all spheres of social and political institutions? Please don't. When it comes to rights, Igbo women are not far behind to the men. Thank you!

MRBrownJ:
this deluded guy has the right to his own opinion but, to insinuate that this is how each and every men out there should function, is utterly rubbish. the majority of marriages MUST be 50/50 for the sanity of each participants.
what is important to note in this issue is that, it is also wrong because:
A) such men pay for everything at home therefore OWN everything (house, car etc) and therefore in time of divorce, these dumbass women will be left with old Louboutin pair of shoes, while these men will get the house/car they paid for.
B) since they pay for the important family needs, such men call the shots when it comes to important family matters, while these deluded women can decide what Louboutin pair they can buy.
C) the deluded women who will agree with such nonsense probably dont have a cent to their name and EXPECT such man to buy the Louboutin shoes for them anyway, because any smart woman would know better and invest her money wisely.
D) paying for the important family's needs is a must for all wifeys unless they wanna be SLAVES to their union. sadly, we all know that many deluded women bring absolutely NOTHING to their union and have no choice but to be slaves anyway.

Lollllll. Couldn't have said it any better. Bulls eye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Any woman that is impressed by this utter ridiculousness by the Ike dude, is just setting herself up for disaster.

Utterly unrealistic based on the economic disaster most countries are in. There is also a deafening clause to this ideology and only shallow women who are not privy to history will be swayed by this sexist crap. This ideology was and is the driving force to females being defined as nothing other than property and relegated as mere appendages to the male's existence. If we were stu.pid before to agree to such demeaning dynamic, we are not stup.id today.

pleep:
You bring up some good points, I agree with most of what you said but want to bring up another perspective.

It would be better if the intellectuals led the country, the problem is that just because a person is high IQ doesn't mean they will make a good politician. Politics requires a different skill-set than academics like science or mathematics. A politicians is more akin to a pastor than an intellectual. He must be charismatic and personable but smart enough to read the pulse of the people and manipulate to get his way. To this end a politician must be smart but not too smart or the common people will not be able to relate to him. The general consensus is that politicians typically fall 1-2 standard deviations higher than the average IQ of the population. (15 -30 points) People like Bill Gates and Zuckerberg score 3-4 standard deviations higher, making them way too different from the population to be leaders.

IQ tends to have an inverse correlation with charisma, and people without charisma are not successful in politics.

So in America, where the average is 100, the politicians typically score from 115 to 130. The average IQ of U.S presidents is 128 which supports this claim, as this score is almost exactly 2 standard deviations from the average. The same trend is found in every nation and has been going on for a long time. Even the average Nazi IQ was around 2 standard deviations from the average, you can see the scores here: http://law2.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/nuremberg/meetthedefendants.html

On the other-hand, the best scientists in these countries typically will score in 150's 160s and even 180s in IQ.

Now when we apply this theory to Africa the full magnitude of the problem becomes evident. The average IQ of Nigeria is from 67-84, I think it is around 75. The average for the continent of Africa is 70. The average African leader will scores 1 to 2 standard deviations higher than average, giving him an average score of 85-100. This is good for a factory worker or a truck driver, but for the leader of an entire economy and controller of millions of dollars/lives this level of intelligence is a disaster. Modern economies are far too complex to be handled by someone with an IQ of 85-100 while hes competing with leaders scoring at 130 +.

When you realize what IQ represents you begin to understand what the real problem with the African leadership is. They are not evil, they are not more selfish and nepotistic than any other people ( look at how American leaders waste the peoples money bombing Iraq for Halliburton) they are just dumber. While American leaders know how to loot and still bring development, Nigerian leaders can only loot but are not smart enough to do anything else.

So in the fundamental way I agree with you, the current elites of Africa are very dumb. The problem is that this low IQ is inevitable when the average is so low. It is my opinion that the only way to have good intelligent leaders is to increase the intelligence of the entire population because leaders invariably fall 15-30 points higher than the average.

Some IQ bellcurves for reference. You see just how rare it is to find people who score above 105 in a population averaging 75? ... 105 is the average for China.

Absolutely agree that the politician does not require high IQ but just a bit of knowledge here and there and a high dose of charm. That is why I used the phrase intellectuals 'get in the corridors of power' (not necessarily aspire to be presidents) but be involved big decision makings especially in the sciences...innovative sciences. Innovation and research are the best strategies for a country's growth. Africa unfortunately does not prioritize on research. For example, under the Goodluck Jonathan administration, the NAS (Nigerian Academy of Science) was given just $5 million for research. Compare to the NIH nearly $30.1* billion annually in medical research for the American people.

mercenary:
The day u got married u became one, u cannot steal from u... Stop hiding the money, keep it in the open and tell him what u wanna do with it, dat way u won't look 4 it whenever u need it.


Afterall his money is ur money and urs his... I wonder why u're saying he's stealing it.

Although I agree her money is his money and vice versa in a genuine functional family unit, however, it is common COURTESY to inform people when you take money from them. Anything other than that is teetering on the lines of stealing. We all learned courtesy and social etiquette in kindergarten or highest primary 1. Got absolutely nothing to do with gender differences, but social etiquette.

This has made me conclude that its gradually becoming a waste of money and resources for some parents to send their daughters to school since they are likely to come out and dump the zeal and qualification just to start scouting for "financially ok guys" before they can think of making a headway for themselves in life.

Bulls eye! Absolutely agree. You can imagine how tough it is to get into university that universities have to cut down on people who genuinely want to go to university not knowing they have filled up the entrant pool for that year with some insincere females that have no plans of using their degrees.

TV01:
Merry x-mas everyone...I'm almost lost for words here...utterly dire. Totally shoddy premise and asinine conclusions, some pretty crap posts in response as well .
I think Mindful got it exactly right in the first sentence of her first post; https://www.nairaland.com/2817873/nigerian-men-foreign-wives-must#41260069.
So. Nigerian men marry foreigners in droves; true to a degree ! I hear estimates of up to 50% of black men in the UK are actually with non-black women, let alone black women from different "tribes/nations". I'm sure there are some Nigerians amongst that number.
It then disses Nigerian men as controlling and paternalistic - even the well-read and well-travelled, Nigerian male. Whose nature is seemingly so strongly embedded, he cannot but help his antediluvuian self?
And the beef? Nigerian men somehow treat these foreign women they marry way better than the Nigerian wives they forwent. Really? But this will all change once Nigerian women realise their true worth?
Surely if Nigerian men are as bad as portrayed, no women would want them Even the self-worth lacking Nigerian women - once they realise their full worth of course .
Nothing about the nuance of todays Nigerian male. In Nigeria sef, let alone the wide variety outside of it? it. Nothing about different cultural settings, expectations, legal frameworks, or the range if individual circumstances. And to conclude self hate or low esteem play a large part in this?
Not just cobblers, real headache inducing codswallop. This trope is so stale, about half a century old. It's not the Nigerian male that is outdated.
Make I go stuff ma turkey jor...
TV

TV merry christmassssssssssssss!

raumdeuter:
I would love to hear from Nigerian women who are dating foreigners

I used to know one girl on NL who had a white BF.

She said while they were dating she was the one working and the guy was just chilling at home and they split her income which she didnt like from the beginning

Where the relationship went South was when her younger sister finished school and came to live with her, The white BF was pissed that her younger sister was taking up their space and money

She said after that experience she can never date a non Nigerian again because there are some thing and benefits you get away with a Nigerian that you don't with a white guy

These are Nigerian women on Youtube in interracial marriages. Follow their vlogs and see how we interact with foreigners, you will enjoy it.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-NVvvx7sww


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXH_4SWLLec


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGmi78tdMxY

Also this is not an article that measures the rate at which Nigerian men marry since we all know the black man's got no preference on average, but the change of attitude in Nigerian men between different types of women.
Everyone knows that the black man in general is everyone's property. He has no preference in particular when it comes to women. Nigerian men have been marrying oyibo since the 60s. Heck I have family members thrice older than I am who are mixed race. Were my 'saintly' grandmothers not good enough for my grandfathers then? Rotflmao. The black male libido is beyond the roof. Black women just need to accept it. It's got nothing to do with you. Whether you are good or bad, the black male is destined to repopulate the earth...to put it lightly

Case in point
https://www.nairaland.com/2818951/husband-went-back-nigeria-last

Lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nobody owns these men.

When two different cultures come together there have to be certain compromises to be made in order for the relationship to work. The Nigerian men make these compromises by being invested in the home-front as cooks and cleaners. Most times these relationships are situated in the foreign wife's country which is bounded by different familial rules. Certain things would be excused in the foreign wife because she is not born into the husband's culture. I see the same dynamic play in inter tribal relationships as well. This is not to say the foreign wife does not make compromises as well.

pleep:
I respect your opinion on eugenics, it can be a tough pill to swallow. I still have to ask you though; can you identify what specific element of Eugenics you feel is morally wrong?

Do you feel like it is wrong to ask certain people to make sacrifices for the greater good?

Isn't it the responsibility of all of us living today to create a better future for future generations? If so, why would you feel that its immoral to perform the action that will provide the best possible benefit to your people and solve most of Africas problems? There is a sense of urgency, this current path Africa is on will lead to great suffering and no black person anywhere on the planet will be able to turn a blind eye to it. The world is growing tired of black people, even as we speak millions of low IQ Africans are spilling out of the continent and awakening the spirit of racism everywhere they go.

How long do you think this will continue before the world says enough and leaves these black people do die? As I mentioned, human behavior moves like a pendulum. Multiculturalism is currently in vogue but this will not last forever. Racism and nationalism will return to the western mainstream and when that happens black people will die:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOGSBHqRDuw


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmqOlxNQABI


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWrGSndkf6U

Where is the honor, the humanity in this? Africans are breeding like rats and being treated like rats, we are loosing our human dignity. Within 50 years race relations will be at 1940's levels, mark my words.

As the world runs shorter on natural resources we will see colonization 2.0. The technological gap between blacks and whites is greater now than it was when the British used Gatlin Guns on Zulu Warriors. Africa, and black people in general are screwed in every sense of the word. What we need is geniuses, and the real immorality is letting the low functioning breed black genius out of existence when we need it more than ever.

I agree and do understand the urgency you predicate.
As I said it is only from a sentimental side point am I averse to it. I do not have any rational conclusion to tell you why we shouldn't get rid of negative genes which I will be the first to say manifests. But only on an emotional thought am I averse to it. The negative consequence of eugenics is that it is in conflict with human rights...the right to reproduce. My line of work is in clinical research, and being protective of vulnerable subjects in the society is what we are enforced to do, it is not far-fetched to say that has shaped my sensibilities. But I do understand where you are coming from. What we need are geniuses to get in the corridors of power. Unfortunately Africa's rich elite, its leaders- traditionally or politically are not made up of intellectuals. I know the metrics you use to determine who should be sterilized depends on IQ, but have a thought about how this will turn out to be a thing between the rich versus the poor, whereby the rich increases rate of reproduction (because they have the resources at their disposal) and poor reduce their rate of reproduction. Now that doesn't seem bad but, one thing we need to consider is that increasing the breeding of this rich elite will not translate to an increase in positive genes because our rich elite is not comprised of the Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerbergs but thieving politicians, business men or old money with ties to the slavery era with no innovative idea or scientific inventions to their name. I think a better question of how we can help Africa get its bearing is how can we take power from these traditional or political institutions and give it to intellectuals? Or what do you think?

@pleep

1. Possibility. Do you believe that variations in human IQ and behavior are impossible? If so, why?

No I don't believe it is impossible to have variations in human IQ. Reason - From my little knowledge of biology, our genes code for many proteins, that leads to many different phenotype; genes splice themselves differently at times, undergo mutations or deletions so it makes sense to say that the genes that code for IQ can also undergo variations and mutations. For some mutations we don't see any noticeable change in phenotype, but in some we see these changes. Phenotype- is the set of observable characteristics of an individual resulting from the interaction of its genotype with the environment.

2. Evidence. Do you acknowledge that it is possible that IQ/behavior can vary between races, but disagree with the evidence as to whether or not bad genes have actually manifested in black people: Why? You cannot argue this premise unless you have accepted premise 1.

Yes I acknowledge it can vary between races from my point 1. From the definition of phenotype we see that there is an interaction between our genes and environment. The races are localized in different geographical locations. And we tend to adapt to whatever challenges the environment throws back at us. Now do not limit environment to geography, climate change, etc but also include the races approach to social norms, reception to knowledge- finding this knowledge and reception to change. Now I would make an assumption that this other environmental factors which interact with the genetic codes over the years have framed how the IQ are arranged. From what we garner from biology, the continuous demand the environment places on us, positions our genes to rearrange themselves to that circumstance. With that I can make an assumption that certain races prioritized on different things and the thirst for knowledge may just be what certain races prioritized on. There is a theory out there that says it's easier to use Chinese, Japanese, Korean languages with understanding maths. So these external factors may work in favor of certain genes thereby increasing the viability of genes that code for IQ in these populations.

3. What is the solution? If you have accepted the fact that the black race suffers from below average IQ/negative behaviors, but don't think Eugenics would actually solve this problem: Why? 4. If you have accepted the fact that black people suffer from below average IQ and that Eugenics will solve the problem, but disagree with the ethnics of eugenics: Why?

Only from a sentimental point of view am I averse to eugenics. The idea of eugenics is rational but I don't believe I have such moral rights to pursue such a cause. I think you have already provided a solution. Africa needs to retain its best to develop.

Sagamite:
Jesus is cool, had good intentions and has been a benefit to the world, but he was a fraud and not the son of God.

If he is, then Guru Marahji is his brother.

He is the son of God. If not for him I would have been a serial killer by now. You would have been my first victim.

Mindfulness:
And the best line for today is where you said that Jesus is throwing tantrums in heaven.
The image of it made me almost choke on my tea. The Holy Trinity is not able to control the mess we are creating here.

Most of these stories were made up to control people. Pure politics. Fear is a very efficient way to keep people in check.
Teefy's favorite method. It may work in the romance section, who knows?

I don't care. I was born alone and I will die alone and in between I will socialize with people who are nice company. I will, just like you, rather be ten times happily married than one time trying to. My God loves to see me happy.

You people should leave my Jesus alone o. I love him.

Sagamite:
When I stand up in that court and come and shake your hand with my charmed hand to congratulate you on your win, you will not be able to leave that court with your 2 legs or ever communicated with you senses anymore. They will carry you out as s vegetable (specifically, Okazi version).

I will use jazz to finish you right there, you will never enjoy that money.

Lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You win.

Kimoni:
Hahahaha I do not believe this one bit... introvert socially awkward ginni?? Stillfire

Naaaaa maybe Stillwater sha

Lol, what's the difference between stillwater and stillfire?

Sagamite:
Hypocritical thief!

Is it not 90% you would take?

You know for other men I'll be fair or not even take anything, but for you Sagamite I will take 100% of your earnings- fixed assets, direct or indirect costs. Try me!

Lord Justice Thorpe said this was justified as Mr Murphy had greater future earning potential.

The case came in the week a leading family lawyer called for an end to court rulings which left wives living in comfort on the back of their husbands’ money.

Baroness Deech said handing a husband’s wealth to the wife after a short childless marriage was demeaning to women who were fully capable of finding work.

She said such over-generosity to women had made London the divorce capital of the world.

At the time of Mr Murphy’s settlement, the former banker was earning nothing, his lawyer Martin Pointer QC, had told the court.

But his wife Helene had a handsome income as a director of a London art gallery, he added.

Lord Justice Thorpe, who headed the panel of three appeal judges, said the couple met in New York where they were both working in 1997 and when he was posted to London, she gave up her job to follow him.

They married in Ireland in 1998 and separated in 2006. The couple, both in their early 40s, had no children.

Who is Baroness Deech? I like her way of thinking.
The human tendency to bastardize institutions that are made to protect us is our bane. And it's this same excessive attitude (i.e. the inability to curb its excesses) that is killing patriarchy and caused a revolt from the women folk.
We should endeavor not to go down that same debilitating route patriarchy went.
Tales like these are not a win for women but an embarrassment as well as an excess that certainly needs to be curbed. We should always always aim to be fair.

I know as women, we just want the guy to be there... whether there's a reason, whether there is no reason... Nothing to be ashamed of. I'm like that too. . Men crave for sex more than women and women crave for attention more than men. And that attention he MUST fulfill.

You need to create an itinerary and call it 'your time', a daily scheduled time and obligation he must fulfill.
He can frolic with friends at a certain times only, but not on that scheduled time of the day he must dedicate to you.

So the day he spent time with you, you allowed him to be by himself chatting nonsense on his phone or internet? Somebody you are supposed to tie on the bed and **** his brains out.

Kimoni:
Lol...the opposite actually. I see you always appreciate your parents for giving you a "sheltered" upbringing. I see that comment from you very often So now I gat you, which is it? Sugarbelly's upbringing or Stillfire's?

I did not use to appreciate them, lol and I think my upbringing kinda killed my social skills, now add a dose of introversion and then you may have one of those socially awkward children on earth. I have gotten better over the years. Nevertheless I will take lack of social skills over being exposed to gang rape. So stillfire upbringing.