₦airaland Forum

cococandy:
I wouldn't even hit back at someone my own age let alone an older person.
Seriously I'm so anti-violence I don't even want to spank my kids.
So I'm with you in that angle.


But when will the posters on this forum admit that some older women are troublesome.
All I see is blaming the girl and insulting those who try to say that men should set boundaries in their homes.

It is like everyone is saying amost the same thing but some can't just agree because they don't like the folks saying it.

Yes my sister, some older women are troublesome and we can not help that. My mum and I still had a little quarrel like 2 weeks back, yet I dint insult or talk back at her. What I did was avoid her calls and simply send her a text message stating were I feel she went wrong. Was I expecting her to apologize? NO.

But wetin I go do She is my mother, I was the one that later called her and went to visit her. 3 days ago she repeated the same thing I just overlooked it.

She is my mother and there is nothing I will do about it.

Mother inlaws come in different characters,ONLY a wise woman will act right and correctly. At the end of it all she remains your hubby mother and now your mother once you are married to her son.

cococandy:
https://www.nairaland.com/2221772/pls-wife-fought-mother-following/14#32098730

Taryour
Greatgod
Everyone else

Try read this woman's story and give me your honest opinions.

It is all good to teach tolerance but someone learning from you guys would also love to hear what you have to say in such a situation.

For now Let's do away with taking gentle swipes at other posters and actually discuss.(I hope that is possible)

In my opinion, that woman handled her problem the way she thought was best at the moment.
I can't judge her even though if I was her,I don't think I'll even have the liver to send the MIL out to a homeless shelter.
Maybe I'll bear her for another day or two while I buy ticket for her to leave.

I can imagine if the man wasn't there that day, maybe they would have fought. Who wouldn't want to hit back after someone crouched from under you and pulled your both feet from beneath you making you land with force on the floor? The reason why I won't fight back in such a situation is because I'm afraid of getting beat up as I'm not strong. Not because I'm so good that I say thank you to every act of violence meted out on me.

Let us try to be fair. Thank you.

I don't think anyone whose head is correct will tell one to go and fight their MIL but acting like there are no bad MILs is like ignoring the problem.

some despite anything will hate you for not being the girl they wanted their son to marry, for not being her friends daughter she has been eyeing for her son,for not being from the area she wanted her son to marry from etc etc
It will only take time if that one is open minded for them to really see you for who you are and love you or accommodate you.

It Is unfair to make it out to be the girl's fault alone.
There are bad women everywhere. Do they suddenly become Angels when they become MILs? I guess not.
So every once in a while, a MIL will be to blame for an issue going on between her and her DIL. Let's not downplay it.
As in that woman's case above. She was even kinder to the MIL than her own son was. Meaning that the man knows his mom and didn't want that interference. But she was treating the woman like her own mother.

This story also puts to rest the argument of treating one's MIL like one's mom, it may not work.
I love my mom to death but also very carefree and somewhat flippant around her. A MIL may misunderstand that. So what works for me is to act even more guarded and respectful towards my MIL Because she can't understand me like my mom can.
Just study the woman and follow her the way you see is better according to your own situation.

Sweetheart I read and followed that thread from the beginning,though I stopped along the way. My stand still remains she had no right whatsoever raising her hands to slap her mother inlaw was CRAZY.


If I were to be in her shoes I would simply walk out or go into my room and lock myself up till my hubby returns. I will utter no word. YES that is what I will do.


If my own mother slaps me I would never slap her back or talk back to her, what I will do is cry and walk out, even if she calls me back,that particular moment I will walk out.

To be very sincere with you cococandy, marriage has tought me a whole lot. I used to be very very stubborn and when I mean stubborn,you don't dare cross my path I no go gree o. I am always ready for fight oo. But as we grow up we learn to leave something behind and pick new things. Its not being weak but being Wise.

As stubborn as I was, there was a limit to it and boundaries. My hubby has taught me to be more patient,tolerant and overlook things.


What the wife did in that thread is totally wrong, nothing justifies her action,nothing whatsoever. If she was on a clean slate with her mother inlaw then she wouldn't have had any issues let her take the pictures. To even thing she went as far as getting physical with her mother inlaw infront of her friends is really really bad.

Let's call a spade a spade abeg.

Ewuro4:
Tayour, thank you for this thread, what a breath of fresh air. Very well said.

Well what can I say @ end time advices on here; You can only give what you have so You can't give what you don't have. If you respect your own parent at home then respecting any adult won't be a chore, it's inbred no story.

And misery they say loves company.

@Bebe2, your story reminds me of a sister I used to share my mind with, but it took me a while to figure out how frustrated she was in her marriage. Everytime I show her or tell her about my MIL, her replies are always laced with negativies, like; 'Mmm be careful oh, they are all the same my dear, why would you allow her to cook in your kitchen, you have to create boundaries oh or she'll get too comfortable , be careful oh, it's too much, you're giving her the wrong impression and blah blah blah' I stopped calling her and that was it.

Heeeyyyy omo iya mi, how you dey, family, work and business? Longest time. Trust you all are doing great.

Shollypopzz:
I don't like when women fight, so I am going to apologize first for saying you don't have a brain.

My initial post to you on the thread was in response to your original post. There was no "slapping" in your story neither were you talking about events that took place in your life. We don't have to personalize an argument to understand each other's stance on an issue or to come to a common ground on the subject.

After reading your post, I felt your story clearly put the responsibility of maintaining a good relationship between the two(MIL & DIL) on the DIL. I feel that if both women have the same mindset of tolerating, loving and accommodating each other's faults, their relationship will blossom even more.

"Do you find anything faulty with that mindset?" - My earlier question to you was to find out where you're coming from logically and not to cause war.

Your apology is accepted and I also apologize. Oya come let's share this super delicious moist cake *winks*

Ermmm by the way,are you male or female?

suggyspic:
Her conscience has been eating her up for sleeping with another man. She willing confessed to her husband and asked for his forgiveness, now he wants to end the marriage. Is the husband right in the decision he is about to take. Were is the place for forgiveness in a marriage. is it not for better or worst.

MY opinion, she deserves a second chance. please your advise would be of help.

She deserves whatever she gets for her actions. Not all men can stand a cheating wife. And not all women can stand a cheating husband. Some men will forgive and continue with the marriage and vice versa.

She did the best thing by confessing. she will continue to beg him noni. God willing he will accept her back.

Shollypopzz:
And you are yet to have a brain. I guess we're stuck

Hmmm, I see how much of a brain you have in your skull.


Its the same brainless head I have used in keeping my home together and also how to have a united relationship with my mother inlaw.

God bless my mother inlaw for me and keep her till old age. AMEN!!!

Shollypopzz:
LMAO! Don't be r*etarded. I am NOT going to make this argument personal. I don't know why you're in your feelings, calm down and have an argument on the subject and not my personal experience.



Below, is my earlier post to you. If you can't be rational, please don't reply.

You are yet to answer the questions I asked you.


And beside the logic is simple and still remains.
* if you CAN'T love,tolerate,respect and care for your mother inlaw like she were your own mother then DO NOT marry the man*

You can not marry a man with out his family most especially his mother. And same goes to men, a man ca not marry his wife without her family.

Shollypopzz:
@taryour: You do realize that your post puts the entire responsibility of ensuring a good MIL/DIL relationship on the DIL. She has to overlook, she has to take the meddling, she has to be patient, she has to take the insults, she has to do this, she has to do that. Do you find anything faulty with that mindset?


BTW, the whole DIL will soon be MIL argument, is the most foolish argument I have heard. No one is denying the fact that there are good MILs out there but we also acknowledge that there are MILs that are far from good. I would expect that a DIL who had a terrible experience with her MIL will be better in dealing with her future DIL because she knows what to do and what not to.

Nigerian culture has helped the intolerable nature of some MILs and there is no denying that.

Yea right. Listen to yourself and hear what you say.

Now I have just 3 question for you.

** If YOUR OWN MOTHER where to act as your mother inlaw does what will you do to YOUR MOTHER

** I want to believe you grew up with your mother, please how was your paternal grandmother treated by YOUR MOTHER as a daughter inlaw she was then

** lastly, while growing up. On each occasion you had quarrels,misunderstandings with YOUR MOTHER,even up till now. What were your reactions then Did you talk back at YOUR MOTHER Beat her up? Slap her? Throw her out of your room? Call her a witch? E.t.c

pickabeau1:
Some are no doubt exaggerated

But believe you me the consistent message of controlling men and estrangement of MIL is there to see

Me and my husband alone

Lol @ me and my husband alone.

crackhaus:
Err, one has said she threw her MIL out before calling her husband to inform him... and then wanted an Oscar for the performance

Oh yes I remember correctly and I had to quote that post and asked the poster where her daughter was when she did that.

pickabeau1:
I think u r wrong

They have tried it and have gotten away with it and have estranged mothers in law hence its their gospel truth that they preach online.

Na wa o. A lot of women should be feard oo. I just wonder what their children will grow up to believing.

Most times when I read such post, am tempted to believe the stories are false or mare exaggerations.

bennyrazz:
Amen o. you are not far from the truth. Some advice are born out of resentment, anger and frustration. Just like you said, anyone seeking for advice here have to pray to God for a discerning spirit else what was bad before would go worse sporadically once they follow their advice.


I don't do name/moniker calling but I want to use this opportunity to appeal to the conscience of these people to stop leading posters seeking for advice astray. What is your gain? or you derive happiness in the cry of others?

Lol. If I hear. Na today? They all claim they have longer years of experience and have seen and passed tru it all. And funny enough they would never ever try such with their own mother inlaws.

coogar:
honestly, you just have to think some of the comments are trolling attempts.



very bitter!



the funny thing is what led to the brawl is such a simple issue. if a wife could slap someone's mother for that then i fear for today's men.

I tell you bro. I had to go back to read the op first post over and over again. Up to 5 times and I read the same thing. I needed to be sure it wasn't the headache I was having after long hours of driving that was making my eyes blur. Its so ridiculous that just a mare pix caused all these.

I wonder what she would have done if the mother inlaw had made an attempt to take her OWN GRANDCHILD for a day or 2 days holliday with her, she would have probably set the woman ablaze.

And if it was her own mother or even a friend that wanted the picture,she would give it out with no delays or given out the whole album sef.

coogar:
the ones who are clamouring for intolerance & disrespect would soon get their comeuppance. what goes around comes around - all the DILs today would become MILs tomorrow & someone's daughter would disrespect them.

a woman slapped her MIL & some retärds were somehow justifying the action. if her mother was placed in the same scenario, would she have slapped her own mother? sometimes, you just have to assume some of the posts you read here are typed by animals.

Thanks o mr coogar. Its so so annoying. After I read that thread I got so angry I felt I could see that husband ant talk some real sense into his head. What an animal she has as a wife, that woman is a disgrace to humanity. How dare she raise her hands to slap her mother inlaw If her hubby files for a divorce sef,she deserves every bit of it.


Even if she apologizes and reconciles with her mother inlaw thing can never go down well with them. That the height of disrespect.

Am most certain that how she slaps and beats her mother up so am not surprised.

A yoruba saying that ** ise ile lo n gbe ni de ita **

bebe2:
hmmmm,

tell those that were supporting the woman that fought her MIL in the last thread.


some pple go into marriage like its a battle, ready to attack their in laws at the slightest provocation.

Yes sis very true. I keep screaming it.

** if you cannot tolerate, love and care for your mother inlaw like your own mother then please do not marry the man **

greatgod2012:
My sister, I chose not to make any post for a while, but, 1, I can't see your thread and overlook it, and 2, the thread is too beautiful to be overlooked.


Honestly, I don't know why and how people have misunderstanding with their MILs. Honestly, anyone who could not love her MIL like her own mother do not have business getting married to the son of the said mother. Walahi!


But my sister, you'll need to grow a thick skin for this your thread o, because you're going to be attacked front, back and centre. That is NL for you. However, those who will take your message will also take it. As for me, that's my secret.............treating others the way I will like to be treated.
May God help us all.

I feel you jare my sisters. Lol.
Longest time ma, how are you and all yours.

Yes oo I know attack will come and trust me I no send. I don pass my message. Let the wise woman hear and heed to the voice of wisdom.

It just pains me so much when I read ob this forum the hatred some wives have for their mother inlaws and I just think aloud ** don't they have mothers or wunt they ever become mother inlaws in future **

It so damn annoying. There is nothing difficult in loving and treating our mother inlaws as we would treat our own mothers.

I came across this and thought of sharing here cause am certain a lot will need it.

Both married women and to be wives.


long time ago in Ijebu-Igbo, south-west Nigeria, a girl
named Jumoke got married and went to live with her
husband and mother-in-law. In a very short time, Jumoke
found that she couldn’t get along with her mother-in-law at
all. Their personalities were very different, and Jumoke was
angered by many of her mother-in-law’s habits. In
addition, she criticized Jumoke constantly.
Days passed, and weeks passed. Jumoke and her mother-in-
law never stopped arguing and fighting. But what made the
situation even worse was that, according to ancient Yoruba
tradition, Jumoke had to kneel to her mother-in-law and
obey her every wish. All the anger and unhappiness in the
house was causing Jumoke's poor husband great distress.
Finally, Jumoke could not stand her mother-in-law’s bad
temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do
something about it! Jumoke went to see her father’s good
friend, 'Baba' who was a herbalist. She told him the situation
and asked if he would give her some poison so that she
could solve the problem once and for all.
Baba thought for a while, and finally said, "Jumoke, I will
help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and
obey what I tell you."
Jumoke said, "Yes, Baba, I will do whatever you tell me to
do." Baba went into the back room, and returned in a few
minutes with a package of herbs. He told Jumoke, "You can’t
use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law,
because that would cause people to become suspicious.
Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will
slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare
some delicious meal and put a little of these herbs in her
serving."
"Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspects you when
she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly
towards her. Don’t argue with her, obey her every wish, and
treat her like a queen."
Jumoke was so happy. She thanked Baba and hurried home
to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law. Weeks and
months went by, and every other day, Jumoke served the
specially treated food to her mother-in-law. She
remembered what Baba had said about avoiding suspicion,
so she controlled her temper, obeyed her mother-in-law,
and treated her like her own mother.
After six months had passed, the whole household had
changed. Jumoke had practiced controlling her temper so
much that she found that she almost never got mad or
upset. She hadn’t had an argument with her mother-in-law
in six months because she now seemed much kinder and
easier to get along with.
The mother-in-law’s attitude toward Jumoke changed, and
she began to love Jumoke like her own daughter. She kept
telling friends and relatives that Jumoke was the best
daughter-in-law one could ever find. Jumoke and her
mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real
mother and daughter. Jumoke’s husband was very happy to
see what was happening.
One day, Jumoke came to see Baba and asked for his help
again She said, "Baba, please help me to keep the poison
from killing my mother-in-law. She has changed into such a
nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not
want her to die because of the poison I gave her."
Baba smiled and nodded his head. "Jumoke, there’s nothing
to worry about. I never gave you any poison. The herbs I
gave you were vitamins to improve her health. The only
poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but
that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to
her."
Have you realized that how you treat others is exactly how
they will treat you? There is a wise Yoruba saying: ‘The
person who loves others will also be loved in return.’ God
might be trying to work in another person’s life through you.
A candle loses nothing if it is used to light another one.
Meditation: Do not let your adornment be merely outward—
arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine
apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart,
with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit,
which is very precious in the sight of God. - 1 Peter 3:3-4
We will succeed in Jesus name

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bellong:
Good evening madam. Quite an age, I guess the boys and small chops with oga at the top have taken full control of you.

They should at least change for you small....

My oga I dey o thanks boss. Lol @ small chops with oga at the top have taken full control of you. It is well jare. You know man must hustle to survive na.

Thanks a lot boss.

bellong:
This is the period of CHANGE.....

Since you have changed girlfriend.... Let her remain CHANGED..

CHANGE your make up artist..... Wisdom is profitable to direct.

Lol. Oga bellong goodevening oo. Got me cracking up with the emphasis on CHANGE. Nice one.

@op Please don't allow such. History should forever remain history. There shouldn't be any friendliness o most especially between her and your wife. It is very dangerous. If I hear.

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xtophy:
na u sef be mumu... hv u ever sit down and tink 4 once....what all d rant abt change

Lol. So e pain you too Oya hurry up and join your mate * ghostprotocol * oya oya, comot and let ther mourning begin. No time abeg.

GhostProtocol:
Who the fvck would die with you? Better recognize nigggah!

Yet another deranged fvck screaming "change", same way y'all were screaming for GEJ in 2011.

Y'all nigggahs never learn, vote in a technocrat or a refined leader, they'll say no, they prefer sentiments.

Let's wait and see the change in 4 years, because we all know that all APC states are now utopias.

Dumb assses everywhere.

LWKM. Mumu. E dey pain am. Eiya pele sogbo. If you like rant from now till thy kingdom come. CHANGE has taken place.

On a second thought, you need to be flushed and go 12 feet bellow the ground. The likes of you are history already,and even your user name proves that. YOU ARE A GHOST and should not be seen on the surface of earth . SHAME on you.

GhostProtocol:
Dumb asss retarrded Nigerians.

I swear, you guys won't have light till 2200 or maybe when the world is ending.

First you vote in someone cause he has no shoes, next you vote in an 80 year old man who is only famous for shooting his way into power.

Dafft murrafuckers.

Enjoy the shithole you call a country.

You forget YOU are also a Nigerian who will die of darkness and in the same SHITHOLE YOU call a country. * orbbi *

Eiya, pele sogbo. Go take paracetamol and try not to hang yourself so you can also enjoy in the CHANGE.

thorpido:
Not yet.

OMG its almost 2 years. Am speechless and feel so bitter.

I want to believe Oluwaseun was found safe and sound.

Holywizard:
Like seriously I need help ooo...
Every night I close my eyes to sleep I always dream where am with Omotola's first daughter chatting, laughing, kissing and sometimes doing it.

Any Joseph here? Cos i have a lot of questions going on in my head...

Are we meant for each other or is it acute malaria?

No its not acute malaria,neither is it high fever nor typhoid. You are simply suffering from 1000 WAYS TO DIE.

By the way,just incase you don't grab, watch the program 1000 ways to die on SONYMAX on channel 128 dstv.

RoyalRoy:
[color=#000033] Lollz.... The Reverend Father has a smile on his face......like its not the first time he is witnessing such.

I guess the baby is strong oooo.... You can't force him against his will.... [/color]

I tell you bro. Am still laughing so hard. The baby is using all his energy to fight back. The muscles in his arm. LWKMD

Akunyun:
Nice one! Good to have u here ma'am.

Same here my brother.

I laughed so hard I was choking. Abeg no be by force na. Free the baby abeg.