₦airaland Forum

#WHUFC vs. #AFC preview!



I’m going to write this post in the direct, in your face, style of West Ham.

…

West Ham like fouls. They lead the League in fouls with an average of 16 fouls per game.

West Ham get a lot of yellow cards. They lead the League in yellow cards with 15 of them.

They got 8 yellow cards in their last game against QPR. 4 of those cards were for fouls and 4 for time wasting and complaining.

All 8 of their cards in that game against QPR came after they took the lead.

7 of their 15 yellow cards are for time wasting and other general cuntery, such as kicking the ball out of play and moaning to the referee when they don’t get a call.

The Alardyce coat of arms is a stick of gum rampant with the motto GET A RESTART.

Phil Dowd is the referee tomorrow. Phil Dowd once refereed the worst refereed match in the history of the game: a 4-4 draw between Arsenal and Newcastle.

West Ham score a lot of goals off set plays. Four of them so far this season. That’s joint best with two other teams.

Arsenal have conceded three consecutive goals in the League off set plays. This causes much consternation among Arsenal fans who can’t figure out how that’s possible now that Pat Rice is no longer with the club.

Allardyce is an acolyte of Charlie Reep. He loves long balls, believes in “playing the percentages” and will instruct his team to pound their balls onto Andy Carroll’s face because Andy Carroll is tall.

Andy Carroll won a lot of aerial duels last season, 152/236. The most in the League.

Per Mertesacker is so tall that West Ham won’t be kicking the ball in his direction. No one ever does, that’s why Per Mertesacker only has 19 aerial duels this season and Vermaelen has 26.

Ok, so admittedly that’s not an astonishing insight.

Allardyce will opt for big diagonals and Carroll will be playing between Gibbs and Vermaelen. This has the added bonus of Carroll’s knockdowns going to an onrushing Kevin Nolan or Ricardo Vas Te. West Ham love scoring that way. Almost as much as they love scoring off set plays.

West Ham will be so eager to show off the set piece they have been working on all week that I expect them to dive to the ground immediately upon finding themselves in the Arsenal half. Is there nothing that big, hard, English midfielders like Kevin Nolan like better than going down when they have the ball?

Phil Dowd will award them the free kick because he’s fucking mental.


Per Mertesacker’s name is pronounced PEAR. So stop making  puns like “Mertesacker was Per-fect”. Instead, try this: Vermaelen and Mertesacker will probably Per up as the starting center backs.

I have no clue who will actually start for either team but I will guess at Arsenal’s lineup anyway: Mannone, Jenkinson, PEAR, Vermaelen, Gibbs, Arteta, Coquelin, Cazorla, Podolski, Gervinho, Ramsey.

Or maybe Wenger will start Ox. Whatever.

I picked Ramsey because I think Wenger will want to play his “crazy diamond” four central midfielder thing that he does whenever the opposition try to outnumber Arsenal in midfield. Which is exactly what West Ham will try to do. See, contrary to popular opinion the Hammers don’t really “park the bus”. They actually play a more aggressive pressing game when they don’t have the ball. It’s similar to Barcelona in that regard. Except, it’s nothing like Barcelona because West Ham don’t want the ball back. They just want to kick the ball back into the Arsenal half or out of play. What they actually want is for the game to get over.

Sorry, I got a little serious there.

Suck it, Ramsey haters!

Arsenal like to pass the ball. They will try to pass the ball despite Phil Dowd allowing West Ham to rotationally foul Santi Cazorla and time waste for 90  minutes.

Arsenal’s top four players in terms of passes per game are: Arteta, Cazorla, Jenkinson, and Gibbs. Technically Diaby is 4th but Diaby doesn’t count because he is injured, again again.

Arsenal’s third most prolific passer is Carl Jenkinson.  He’s pretty good. He might get called up for England one day. We will find out from Roy Hodgson when he holds his next presser on the Piccadilly line.

Jenkinson is good but Gibbs is actually better. Which is why Hodgson selected him to be injured playing for England next week.

Gibbs leads Arsenal in interceptions with 3.8 — that’s third best in the League. He’s also second at Arsenal in tackles. Has only committed three fouls in six games. Averages as many key passes as Arteta (1.2). And gets in the same number of crosses per game as Jenkinson (whom many believe is a better crosser). Gibbs is pretty good.

Mark Noble leads the League in tackles per game. He will probably try to tackle someone tomorrow. Inevitably he will foul someone hard. I’m guessing it will be Cazorla because Cazorla plays almost entirely in the opposition half.

Don’t bet against Arsenal getting a goal of their own from a set piece. Against Olympiakos, Steve Bould made a great tactical substitution and put on Giroud and Ramsey in the 80th minute. The two of them combined very well and actually helped to keep Olympiakos penned into their own half. It was so effective that Olympiakos never generated a shot in those last 15 minutes. But Arsenal created four chances between those two subs. A late set piece winner from Giroud would be the perfect way to go into nationalism week.

That said, Gervinho will start. Wenger doesn’t like to change. And why would he? It’s working.

Stop comparing Gervinho to Henry. Yes, I know Henry was a winger transformed into a striker but Gervinho lacks… gah, just don’t ever do that.  Here’s the three things that Gervinho could do to be like Henry:

1. CUT THAT COMBOVER. Henry would not rock that, bro.
2. Stop with the chip on your shoulder/Nazi salute goal celebration thing. No one will ever erect a statue of you doing a “roman salute” outside of the Grove. I don’t care if you score 1000 goals. It will never happen.
3. Do nothing because you will never be Thierry Henry. I mean, have you ever seen Henry play football?

I will now be abused as a Gervinho-hater.


Source: www.7amkickoff.com

DMainMan: My Alhaja, I c us winning dis one. Gervinho hatrick and finally Giroud scored. D scoreline wil b Ars 4 Whm 0.

Stop that dream my friend, EPL is not La Liga!

As I said before #CFC match, we need Per Mertesacker in the defence! He might be slow and bla bla bla bla, but he is the best, technically and experience wise! He pairs well with either TV or LK. Moreover, TV and LK partnership is not working; why experiment?

With Big Sam's penchant for Long Balls, and Big Andy's strength and aerial ability, #afc will likely concede through set piece again! Not unless we put our backside in order!

#Go gunners

And another committee to implement the report of this committee! GEJ likes committee shaa

On a serious note,so nobody told these jokers that you don't "APPEAL" ICJ's decision; you only apply for "REVIEW" of the decision!

*SMH

proudly9ja: Team list is out. Arsenal will be playing same first team that played against City except that Per will be benched for Kos

WOW! I think mertesacker organises the back better that Kolsceiny! I prefer Mertesacker and Kolscielny partnership though! #TeamGunners #afc

proudly9ja: Team list is out. Arsenal will be playing same first team that played against City except that Per will be benched for Kos

WOW! I think Mertesacker organises the back better that Kolscelny! I prefer Mertesacker and Kolscielny partnership though! #TeamGunners #afc

inspirizu: Some ppl will make a terrible coach
Haba!
To Be frank its a tight game bur I tink chelsea shud whip assss aN.al though it will Be close.......
If chelsea messs up 2mao na RMD cause am, if only he can close eyes do sumtins like dis formation.

Cech
Ivanovich, Luiz, terry (if he's nt affected) cole
Mikel lamps
Oscar mata hazad
Torres

Sub (moses, rameres, marin, betrand others)

Do you know why?
I tink you ll Be satisfied with back 4
Mikel and lamps are just to defend though lamps mite not perform bur incase of penalty because it won't Be too nice you can use rameres as joker........
If goal no come e go comot lampad bring in Moses to the wing make oscar go mid field, if nurting happens den mikel will Be sub 4 ramires to increase the attacking flair and to Be more offensive am sure there ll Be goals like dat

Just a reminder bro, the match is at the Emirates!
Forget this your analysis, chelski's hope of picking a point today is to do what they know best: PARKING THE DAMNED BUS

unphilaz: We need the above named fertilizers
Urea
NPK 16.16.16

call 08032884451

That's some active ingredients for making IED; are you a ?Boko Haram

If this is Mohammed, Muslims would have gone bonkers as usual!

SEE MATURITY, TOLERANCE AND CIVILISATION AT ITS PEAK

CHRISTIANS UNNA TOO MUCH JOOR

van bonattel: fire dey go, the impact will be minimal

OMO BOI U BE JAME BOND?

pyyxxaro: i hope this doesn't affect the price of GARRI in the country

It surely does; even Rice too

Phucking Gay azz bástärd

You forgot to add FELA & Daddy Showkey!
NB: Fela was killed after he rejected them!

[quote author=Ileke-IdI]Wetin pesin go do?

Dude uses more chapstick than his gf. . .His lips are always so freaking glossy and slippery. He likes them in different flavors. Should the girl in question be concerned?


This is not about me o.[/quote]BREAKING NEWS: the guy is a Certified GAY!
TF to use chapstick/lipgloss? Dats some gay a§§ stunt!
#Word!

onatisi: youi guys dont understand kanye west,he doesnt need or want dbanj to sing in any of his tracks but only gives him the oppourtunty to make a sound just for him to feel among .the last video he did with them he kept humping and jumping all over like a shaolin monkey .

SHAOLIN MONKEY?

Bro you are Wicked!

Who is "CyHi da Prynce"; that niggi murdered that song!
Lol @ Dbanj chanting!

Hate Idris as much as you like; the guy said the truth!
IS NIGERIA BETTER OFF SINCE HE SANG JAGAJAGA?

Demdem: Nonsense thread.

Its you and Gbawe that made life unbearable for him!
Nice one!

DeCleff: I've been thinking on how i can successfully sue FG/Shell for invading our family land without any compensation.

Sometime in the 90s, the Federal Govt & Shell under the regime of Late Gen. Sani Abacha, laid a pipeline from Port Harcourt Refinary to an unknown destination. But unfortunately, the pipeline was to pass through our farmland, and atleast 20 plots of land was taken from us without any form of compensation.

So am asking if there's any constitution that gave FG/SHELL the right to intimidate Nigerians and take away their lands without any compensation? Can the family demand for compensation by suing FG/SHELL to court?

Please i need sincere advice from the lawyers in Nairaland.
Thanks.

Forget it and save your hard earned money; the action is Statute Barred!

YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING!

SORRY BRO! I FEEL YOUR PAIN!

Let me get something straight here; some washed-out two -faced-faggøt-of-a-producer/Director made a film about the Holy Mohammad; and US embassies are being attacked? Ambassador killed?

Don't they have the address of the director/producer/actors? Abi Obama don dey act/direct movie?

Muslims stewpid shaa!

danjohn: It has been a while since I have seen a post by Beaf. Where is Beaf?

Okupe disbanned the 40-Laptop crew; seized their laptops, and put them on probation cos they failed to discharge their duties very well! Thanks to the ever watchful NLders

[quote author=.bbpreye]Sexkillz u are daring us! Be warned before we face your section!
Be warned[/quote]That's the President of #TeamGarri!

Your boi loyal sir!

Mr. Seun, you said this:

Seun: No true. We welcome vigorous debates on ethnic issues, but we don't welcome insults or other types of personal attacks.

And u asked this!!

Seun: Could this be true?

I use to hold you in high esteem until tonight! U just showed the other side of your person!

NeuroBoss: Thanks for your sincerity. In the part of Ilorin where I live, Garri is sold for #10 per cup. (laughs). But mehn, this question is not to be taken literally and what if it is? Majority of Nigerians have resorted to Garri wacking as their only food. Shouldn't these folks be concerned about what topics could affect their means of survival?

Abeg ask them! They don't see tribal/bigotic posts; and they are loosing sleep over the price of dat-which-shold-not-be-mentioned!




#StillonGARRIthings

NeuroBoss: Which is better? Asking about the price of garri politely and being vulgar in the name of a reply. Who deserved to be banned? And who cares about a "heads-up" from an untoward, intolerant and abusive man?

Please Boss, can I humbly and politely ask the current price of Cassava Flakes? I guess some folks call it GARRI!!!!!!!






#IRepTeamGarri