₦airaland Forum

AbulAbbas:
When you discuss with an illogical individual you'll definitely leave him to wallow in his ignorance just like imam shaafi said in his poetry:

"When a fool speaks do not respond to him, it is best to be silent than responding. If you respond to him you've made him happy, if you ignore him he will die out of depression"

Excuse to flee as usual!
Islam is NOT defendable: their cascade of lies usually collapse under scrutiny.



Invite you to the Messiah for your Salvation sir!
Without Him, there's no SALVATION!

If only you will ask yourself why Allah supposedly sent the Messiah to the earth!

AbulAbbas:
My mission here was to refute you claim using a false hadeeth. That mission has been fulfilled, every sensible individual should know the truth on this topic by now, if he doesn't then perhaps he was meant to be astray and anyone who is destined to be astray we can't do much to help him.

So bye bye, mission completed.

So, you are running away as usual of Muslims.

I thought you said I was copying from the internet!?


I have not even presented my EVIDENCES, when I do, I shall call you. All I did was to ask a question.


What if you as Muslims discovered that Mohammed's corpse decayed as all men do: what will you do?

You insinuated that I am LOST but you cannot even defend your Islam.

Check my older posts and you will understand how in error you are!

AbulAbbas:
@TenQ

The way it is posted is very difficult for me to respond and remember all the point mispoints you've mentioned. But something is evident and that is you don't know what you claim you know, for instance, the Ibn Saad you mentioned his full name is Muhammad Ibn Saad, has a book called tabaqaat ibn Saad, this book is a book actually speaks about a branch of science of hadeeth which is ilm rijaal. The knowledge that speaks about trustworthy narrators and untrustworthy narrators. Like he himself is telling us those we should accept and those we shouldn't accept based on those trustworthy people who lived in the same time with them and gave us their true picture. So you see that you don't know anything about these issues?

Another example is At-Tabari you mentioned has a book called tahdheeb Al-Aathar, in this book he applied so many principles of hadeeth, for example he said:

"Abu Shurahbil Al-Himsiy told me, he said, Ismaail told us on the authority of Amr Ibn Dinaar Al-Makki....[down to where he said]...on the authority of Saeed Ibn Al-Mussayyib..."

Then he said: "This information, with us (i.e. he himself), is has a sahih chain of narration."

You can see he appliee that principle of not accepting except knowing those who narrated a particular statement so he had to mention his chain which comprises of who heard it from who down to his on time. Then he said the chain is authentic because he deems those individuals trustworthy.

So you see that you don't know what you are saying?

It's one thing to agree that you have to apply a principle, it's another thing to apply it correctly.

I will not allow you waste my time because you clearly don't know what you are saying just copy paste from either one book written by an ignoramus like yourself feigning knowledge or from google or from chat gpt. Alhamdulillaah our religion is well preserved and we have true sources which can never be infiltrated as long as the heavens and earth exists. I am 100% sure of my religion, you can only create doubts on Muslims that don't know their religion and refuse to study.

The main topic of discussion you couldn't talk about it again, and it is, provide the other chains of narration if you are truthful, else keep quiet and continue your joke of a religion until you meet your Lord on the day of judgement and wish you listened to our warnings. Allaah said in the Quran as regards disbelievers like yourself:

"And for those who disbelieved in their Lord is the punishment of Hell, and wretched is the destination.

When they are thrown into it, they hear from it a [dreadful] inhaling while it boils up.

It almost bursts with rage. Every time a company is thrown into it, its keepers ask them, "Did there not come to you a warner?"

They will say," Yes, a warner had come to us, but we denied and said, 'Allah has not sent down anything. You are not but in great error.'"

And they will say, "If only we had been listening or reasoning, we would not be among the companions of the Blaze."" [Surah Al-Mulk verses 6 to 10]

If you like listen, if you like keep deceiving yourself, it is upon me to warn and not upon me that you believe like Allaah said:

"It is only upon you to convey the message"

So if yoi later dwell in hellfire for disbelief it is not my problem but yours, but on that day you'll ask for water and you'll not be given just like Allaah said:

"And the people of fire will call upon the people of paradise: give us water or anything that Allaah had provided you with. They (people of paradise) will say Allaah has prevented it for the disbelievers, those who took religion as play and jest [you christians jest and play claiming its worship] and they allowed this worldly live deceive them. Today they shall be forsaken just as they disbelieved in this meeting (day of judgement) of theirs and because they used to deny our verses"

Unfortunately, you wrote much but responded to NOTHING!
All you did was to claim that I didn't know what I was saying all because I didn't state the full names of Sa'ad or At-Tabari and I didn't mention the name of their books. Unfortunately, this is just an attempt for you to avoid answering any questions. How many Al-Tabari or Ibn Sa'ad wrote early Islamic historical narrative for you.

A small test since you claim that Allah the four authors I mentioned used the science of the hadith in writing their book.

Question:
Do you believe everything written about events and history of Islam and Mohammed from Al-Tabari, Ibn Sa'ad, Al-Waqidi etc


I asked a Question before
Why do you reject ANY hadith from Hafs Ibn Sulyman?

AbulAbbas:
Repent my friend, if you don't then let's wait like Allaah said we should tell your likes:

"Wait, we are also waiting"

The proper name of then God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses , David is YHWH! Is ANY of the names of your God YHWH?

Islamabad is a fusion of many Deities and Religions into one such as Arabian Religion, Judaism, Christianity, Buddhism, Sabians Religion etc
this is why Al-LAH is Ahad meaning ONE OF many Deities
Taoheed is the UNIFICATION of these many Deities.
This is reinforced why As-Samad is a COLLECTION into a unit like piggy bank.

Redefining the terms by modern Muslims doesn't change anything sir.

Can you tell me the names of the THREE Daughters of Hubal?

Is Allah Waheed or Ahad?

You are the one who should REPENT from following a DEITY you don't even know. A Deity that promised you a guaranteed stay in hell for some time before you are removed.

Quran 19:71-72
"And there is none of you except he will come to it (Hell). This is upon your Lord an inevitability decreed. Then We will save those who feared Allah and leave the wrongdoers within it, on their knees."


1. If the Truth is that you will certainly enter hell fire (even if it is temporarily), would it distress you?
2. Knowing that you will enter the fire even if it is temporary is certainly NOT Good because the time you will spend is undefined!
3. Wouldn't this knowledge help you to begin to seek for a way of avoiding this calamity?



If you are not following that God of Abraham, you are LOST sir!

@AbulAbbas
Concussion of the post

@AbulAbbas
Two of my posts have been deleted replying to your posts

AbulAbbas:
The narration that brought this is not authentic according to the science of hadeeth, the same science that was used to authentic the hadeeth in Abu Daawood which you held on to is the same science of hadeeth that will be used to render this narration useless insha Allaah. And it's very very simple.

Abdullaah Al-Bahiyy who narrated this hadeeth is not a sahaabiy (companion of the Prophet), rather he is a taabi'iy (the generation after the companions), he didn't meet the Prophet alive, he didn't witness his death and he didn't tell us from whom he got this narration, so why is it binding upon us to accept what he has said especially when we have clear cut authentic sources that say otherwise?

Some of the scholars of Hadeeth even deem Al-Bahiyy to be someone we can't rely upon in narrations due to the fact that his narrations do contradict one another. From the scholars of hadeeth who said so is Abu Haatim (born 185 years after the Prophet died) said about him:

"Any of his hadeeth should not be relied upon because he is mudtaribul hadeeth (narrations from him are contradictory on the same hadeeth"

This points to weakness in his retention and we don't accept such a person in a hadeeth, how much more if he didn't mention through which sahaabiy he has narrated this.

In summary this hadeeth is weak for two reasons, the strongest reason is we don't know how he got this narration, was it another taabi'iy like himself that told him? We need to know the trustworthiness of who told him.

The second reason is, he himself is someone we can't rely upon due to weak retention as mention by Abu Haatim.

1. Are you saying conclusively that if ANYONE within the Isnad of a narrative is faulty either in Character or Knowledge the whole hadith should be rejected?
How about the other chains of reliable narrators?

2. Are you saying that a Daif Hadith is definitely FALSE?

3. Are you aware that the science of the Hadiths came far long after the narrations of the Hadiths: meaning that the originators of the science of the Hadiths themselves cannot vouch for the authenticity of such hadiths

4. If a known armed robbery like Lawrence Anini or Monday Osunbo told a story of President Ibrahim Badamasi Babangida, it is a sufficient proof to invalidate their narrative?

5. How do you account that at least four independent historical records of the early history of Islam and your prophet recorded the fact that he died and his body decayed. Till today, much of the history of Islam is from these same books you reject snippets of things that make you uncomfortable.

jesusjnr2020:
Proof Hell Fire Wasn't Made For Humans

Some often ask why would a loving God prepare or make a place of torment called hell fire to burn the same humans He claims to love for all eternity?

The truth is that God never made hell fire to punish humans eternally for their sins, and this can be proven by the particular saying of Jesus:

Matthew 25:41 (KJV)

Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels:

Therefore the question itself is not only based on a false premise but also illinformed, as hell fire was never made for humans in the first place, but a place prepared for the devil and his angels who were cast out of heaven.

God bless.

But some humans will end up in this same hell prepared for the devil is what Jesus taught us.


Matthew 25:41 (KJV)
Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels:

Namaster:
The PDFile's PISS deal is a joke!

Both Israel and Gaza have resorted to PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE tactics.

Israel, the GENOCIDAL one, have returned bodies of Palestinians CHAINED even in death to demonstrate their willingness to embrace EVIL.

Palestine have NOW returned Palestinian bodies to Israel to demonstrate that they already KNOW this.

Israel is the NUMBER ONE cause of unrest in the Middle East.
They have MURDERED several Palestinians since the PISS deal was signed.

In fact, the ink wasn't dry on the PISS deal before they started to BOMB Lebanon.

In the past 2 years, Israel has BOMBED:
1. Iran.
2. Yemen.
3. Qatar.
4. Syria.
5. Lebanon.
6. Gaza.

All with the AID and BLESSING of their Western Sugar Daddies.

Meanwhile despite the fact that it's Israel doing ALL the bombings, NOBODY has dubbed them what they really are—TERRORISTS!

You CANNOT be a sane, non-fanatic person and not see that Israel is a TERRORIST NATION.

All I could get from your post is that the status quo pains you so much.

Sorry!

Why did October 7 take place?
What was the main objective?

Kobojunkie:
@OP, please note how this new submission directly contradicts previous claims made by this same person, so-called marriage counselor? Earlier, this same person had claimed that through your submission to hell in marriage(struggle-love), you could change your husband.

It is the same way they have managed to convince 10s of millions of Nigerian women, all over the world, that through their numerous prayers and endurance in toxic, unhealthy, unfulfilling marriages, they could elicit change in husbands that literally hate them. Year after year, many of these women go to their graves — many due to the toxicity in their marriages — never seeing any of the changes promised them by their religious gods of men.

This is why I tell people to seek out a professional marriage counseling and none of these religious frauds out there that what they do amounts to counseling. A professional counselor would not fill your brain with contradictory ideas— religion-filled biases, aka nonsense—, such as those this one has so far.

---

@OP, if you are intending to opt for separation, be sure to consult a lawyer to know what you might lose if you choose that route. Abroad, a married couple literally has almost everything joined together... bills, loans, etc. Even in separation, he remains your closest relative with legal access to your assets, your primary decision maker if anything happens, and so on. If during your separation, your husband takes out loans and all other things, you, as his wife, will have to have a part in paying back those bills. Talk to a lawyer before deciding on a separation alone.

Why don't you quote me properly

TWoods:
Semantics. He "works" remotely at a Job that pays the equivalent of $340... rent alone in their apartment is $950. How can a man, a leader of his home, go to bed at 9p with this reality? Why isnt he motivated to assist his wife to cover the rest, let alone other household expenses, including the cost of the very cell phone he uses?

So, you think laziness is a good ground for divorce!?

TWoods:
That is correct. But assumes that we have both partners pulling in the same direction. That's clearly not the case here. This is basically forcing a woman to bear with an abusive, indolent spouse.

You still forgot that she chose him for whatever her reasons AND she overlooked every danger sign while they were courting. Isn't it also her fault?

It is easy to blame the other person when marriage has problems.

TWoods:
Irrelevant. There is nothing in her post that suggests that her complaints are centered around her emotions. She has talked about practical realities - financial responsibilities on her shoulders alone, a husband who is unsupportive, abusive, indolent, unwilling to take on his role as a leader and provider, and who withholds his body from her for no justified reason. Those are CHOICES he makes, and no spouse should be forced to "build" a grown man into his basic responsibilities.

I never implied that her complaints were based on emotions. Neither did I ask her to build her husband. Check!

Like I said: I refuse to judge until I have heard the back and forth from the two parties.

TWoods:
Irrelevant. This is not a child, but a grown adult. Based on her account, there is a serious question as to whether her husband ever loved her in the first place. You're asking the wrong person.

The husband is not here so the question should be to the wife.
Does she love her husband?

TWoods:
Fully agree. She is at fault for marrying someone she felt was "spiritual" when it was all a cover for an empty shell of a person.

So, she should take responsibility for her actions and salvage her marriage

TWoods:
Agreed. She made that mistake, she is not bound to continue to suffer in it. She has a CHOICE to leave.

Many Christians take vows before God lightly
Many Christians don't understand what Love is
Many Christians refuse to take ownership of their faults: it's always the other person.

In any marital conflict, no one can be 100% correct and the partner 100% wrong.

Let everyone own up to their errors and mistakes and do their best to salvage it.

TWoods:
But earlier, you encouraged her to "build" her spouse? Which is it?

Never once did I ask her to do the impossibility of building her husband. I asked her to build her marriage. It's not the same thing sir.

brain54:
If you waited for 2 years of courtship...

You should put back your waiting cap for 9 months of pregnancy.

By the way I am not a fan of no sex before marriage for the simple reason of sexual compatibility.

I believe these are part of things that should be observed during courtship.

Just be decent about it and not use it as excuse for waywardness!

There is nothing like sexual compatibility!
Sex for a woman changes with her situation eg. Age, Wellness, Timing, Economy, Emotions etc.

A Nymph before marriage may switch off completely after. There is NO guarantee sir

Ozzyk:
We got married in ending of August
We didn't have anything to do together at all during our 2 year courtship
She's really adorable and a Godly babe to the core
On the second night of our wedding I confirmed she was a virgin
Sadly our honeymoon only lasted Barely 2 weeks before she missed her period
Here is the issue;
Since over a month and some few weeks now she won't let me touch her, in fact it's like my touches irritate her, no sex, no kiss, no smooching, no touching
It sometimes feels we're just house mates who shares same matrimonial bed together
I have tried to talk to her many times about my sexual wellness but she seems not interested at all
My marriage is less than 2 months and I am already over a month sex starved
Perhaps she sometimes complains of pregnancy cramps but this should not com at the detriment of my sexual well being.....
And besides she's goes to work everyday but the moments she gets home she won't let me touch not even slight touches not to talk of sex or romance....
I am already tired 😩

See a marriage counselor.

You both need it: you cannot solve the problem form your own end alone if she isn't part of the solution

TWoods:
I will respond to two points here:

1. You are correct that we must not judge, having not heard from the man... but certain things can be inferred from objective facts. Unless we believe she is 100% lying, a man who spends most of his time sleeping, refusing to pick up basic jobs to provide for his family, is rightfully described as "worse than an infidel" in 1 Timothy 5:8. That is the bible, not judging. Such a man does not deserve the title of "husband".

She never said that her husband isn't working. She was concerned that he wasn't motivated to doing more. She used the example of him sleeping at 9pm as an example.

TWoods:
2. That love is a choice is not a unique insight to counselors only. Many of us make conscious choices every day to nurture a commitment. But I must add, marriage is not a shield to avoid living up to your responsibility. I doubt you would tell a man to commit to building his wife at personal expense if she were busy cheating. I did not read anywhere in the ops post that her problem with her husband was about emotions. She called out PRACTICAL reasons - doesn't work to support his home, is lazy, never bothers to ask how bills are paid, does not support his wife's ambitions, selfish, unhelpful, ungrateful, can't even be bothered to lead his family in prayer... I'm honestly struggling to connect your advice to anything she said.

The first solution to a marital problem is not Divorce. Divorce or Separation is only an option either when every solution proffered had been exhausted with no resolution in sight or the life or sanity of the other person is threatened.

Divorce is not a sin but we should also be mindful as Christians what the will of God is in marriage.

God says: I hate divorce! Because it is treachery both to God to whom we swore an oath and our partner when we were solemnising the marriage ...for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health....

I mentioned LOVE because of the lack of understanding of what Love is amongst married people. Love is NOT an emotion: love is a CHOICE we make in building the life of the other person.

We don't reject our children and take them to an orphanage when they are not compliant : the reason is because we chose to love them. When we can't do this for our spouse, it puts to question if we really do love our spouse in the first place

TWoods:
You talk about building and repairing the marriage rather than tearing it down. From her words, it was never a marriage from day 1. So what is there to build, repair, or destroy? She is basically living in a roommate situation.

It was marriage!
She only did not do her due diligence during courtship. Thus this is equally her fault.
She must have noticed these traits in him before marriage BUT she overlooked them.

The question every person in courtship should ask themselves is "Can I live with the consequences of each of his weaknesses!?"
If you cannot, why go on with the Wedding in the first place.

No one can change another person: it is an impossibility!
As you make your bed, so you sleep on it!

TWoods:
In all sincerity, I am worried who you are counseling.

He isn't phlegmatic. Let's not overspiritualize things. He is cruel, lazy, and 1 Timothy 5:8 is written for men like him. I see some of his traits in myself - quiet, not as willing to go out, took lots of trying for my wife to get me out to clubs... but I cannot imagine my wife having to worry one day about how her bills are paid, having to work 2 jobs and go to school while I sleep all day, etc. He withholds sexual satisfaction from his wife willfully, a violation of 1 Corinthians 7:5.

She married a fraud. A man who hid behind "spirituality" to explain away the fact that he was simply a shell, not fit to be a husband. He is not holding up his end of the marital bargain, so she is free to move on.

Note:
Be joyful in the fact that
1. He may never cheat on you
2. He may provide financially to the best of his ability
3. He would probably never lift his hands or mouth at you.

There is nothing to be joyful about in the above:
1. Withholding his body as punishment is cheating.
2. He isnt - she's been the sole breadwinner. The best of his ability so far is sleeping and nagging her every day
3. As my wife would tell me, the silent treatment is worse than slapping your spouse.

So exactly what should she be joyful about? This is the Nigerian brand of "christianity", where we are taught to endure abuse in Jesus name.

One of the first rules of marital counselling is never to judge or condemn until you have heard the back and forth from both parties.
Notwithstanding,
1. Since you've not heard from the man, how did you arrive at the notion that her husband is cruel, lazy and a fraud?


2. You claim that you see some of his traits in yourself - quiet, not as willing to go out, took lots of trying for my wife to get me out to clubs. Since you know that your wife wants you to go out to club with her, why is it difficult for you to do this simple thing?

Is this deliberate on your part or it's your default nature?


3. You conclude that He withholds sexual satisfaction from his wife willfully BUT the Wife herself said that her husband is WEAK!
Are you aware that some men have very low Libido? Their level of Testosterone is below average and thus both their drive, interest and strength are low!

As a man, if your wife has a naturally low libido, is the answer to divorce her because of this?

So, my brother!
My stance is to encourage her and give advice on remedying her situation because it is a one-sided story for now! Divorce or separation is the LAST option to be put on the table except her life or sanity is under immediate threat.

The first point of call is to see to the resolution of the problem from a one-sided point of view UNTIL the other partner can be made to come to the table.

A Fundamental mistake was made in their courtship. The objective is to build and repair their marriage and not to destroy it.

The problem with many is that they assume that LOVE is an emotion. But, no: LOVE is a CHOICE and COMMITMENT to Build the other Person at Personal Expense!

malali:
Source:https://punchng.com/breaking-admissions-mathematics-no-longer-compulsory-for-arts-students-says-fg/

When unintelligent people lead then educational sector of a Nation.

Then average scores in Mathematics will nose-dive because all those Art students who used to "try before" have no incentive again.

Will they also say that science and engineering students don't need to also pass English language too?

It would have been okay today that the pass mark for Art students in Mathematics shouldn't be more than D7.

kbright2:
This is a good question for @Kobojunkie to answer. You view to marriage is totally different. I doubt if you believe in marriage

She's most likely not married or have experienced some trauma she's dealing with.

Kobojunkie:
If a person must first have to believe in marriage, don't you immediately see that it creates a bias towards it that literally renders any contributions made on the subject untrustworthy?

I do not believe in marriage. Rather, I believe humans have the freedom and abilities to relate with each other —engage in relationships, including in marriage— without needing to give up their individual rights and freedoms in the process.

Kobojunkie:
Marriage has never been by force— divorce has always been a possibility to all married individuals out there. It is a solution that one does not first need to ask for or about.

That is not the question.

The question was,
Did she say she wanted a divorce?

And I will add the second question:
Is divorce the First or Last option to consider wrt handling marital problems?

Kobojunkie:
For the umpteenth time, divorce has always been a solution in marriage from even the very beginning of marriage. (Yes, divorce has been deployed as a solution in marriage from even the time of the earliest men.) Divorce is a solution that is as old as marriage itself. That religious-minded have sought, over time, to see this fact changed/tossed under the rug does not remove in any way from this, but has only proven its essence to humans and marriage. 🥱🥱🥱

Did she say she wanted a divorce?


Are you married?

Kobojunkie:
Religion is a biatch cubed! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

This is the very excuse these religious nutjobs used in tying women in marriage to mentally disabled individuals, to toxic men, and so on, for many centuries. These religious overlords(and their minions) gaslighted said women into believing that by embracing such struggle and suffering in marriage, they were elevated and became strong women. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Not a single one of such women lived through that experience unscathed. They all ended up drained and miserable— a shell of a human being—, grasping for some semblance of form regarding the life they lived before the end came. Yet, religion continues to deploy the same scam against women. 😩😩😩

---

A choice, even in marriage, can be unmade; a choice can be un-chosen. The law has always made provision for this, and it has always been available even to women since the beginning. So, insisting that because OP chose the man, she should not then be expected to un-choose him, is nothing but religious fraud, a scam directed mainly against women!

She came here to ask for Advice: what is your solution to the problem she has in her marriage?

It seems you are saying that her only option is to divorce her husband!

That was why I asked the question: Are you married?

breadtoaster:
I just dont know pls, I need help, after all this, how does a woman stay respectful, submissive in all this, because I feel like at the end i wont be able to especially after doing it all and still have to feed your ego as a man. How do i not build resentment 5 years down the line and be so angry, rude etc that i still dont use that same resentment to destroy the home?

A strong woman is not led by feelings or emotions by her strength, sense and wisdom


1. It would be your Choice to apply a Feeling of Resentment to your husband but it is a negative choice which will backfire against younand your children.

2. Anger is a Choice: conquer it with Understanding. His Gene mix and life experience is different from yours. Suppose you have the same character and attitude?

3. Rudeness is a choice. God sees your husband as your head. He is like Christ in your Marriage.

You are not his Wife because you are inferior. No! You are his wife because you are to complement him in your union of marriage to bring out the best for yourselves and for your children!


Now that you are aware of your husband's weaknesses, how do you want to complement him that overall, your marriage will be a garden of Joy and Progress?

Do not forget that he was your CHOICE in the first place, so all the blame isn't his alone.

Pick up yourself and be strong!
All will be well!

The grass always looks greener on the outside but it's all a lie. A good marriage require consistent hard work to succeed!

Shalom!

Kobojunkie:
Religion is a biatch squared! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Just like that, marriage has been redefined. It is no longer a partnership but a full-blown project for the woman/wife. She is to spend her life taking care of the whims and demands of a husband who barely rates or cares for her. His parents failed to raise him with the social and emotional skills necessary for maintaining a healthy relationship with a woman. And so it should then fall on another person's daughter to make sure you obtain that which is missing, all this at the cost of her own mental and emotional health, by the way.

Like play, she is being literally informed that endurance is the name of the game for her alone.

Are you married please?

breadtoaster:
This is so deep! thank you so much. I wld print his and put in my bag everywhere, I also need to get books on dealing with a 150% phlegmatic man

On the matter of sex,
You have two options
1. Initiate the sex anytime you want it and take charge of everything. Use him to pleasure yourself.

If he resists this,
2. then you must initiate a serious conversation where you set a minimum number of times per week. Even then, you have to use him to pleasure yourself.

Phlegmatics are usually unmotivated by anything other than basics. Like I said: if you don't take charge, nothing will move

So, in bedmatics, you have to guide and coach him to do what you want from sex

If he is truly weak in bed, then you should jack him up with appropriate varieties natural foods smoothie with
Water melon
Bitter Kola
Ginger
Dates
Unripe Plantain
Black Pepper
Alligator Pepper
Scent leaves
Garlic
And begin low sugar diets.


NOTE:
You cannot change him.
But he can change slowly with time!

You will frustrate yourself if you try to force him to change!

Kobojunkie:
Religion is a biatch! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

The long and short of this is that OP is already a married single woman — honorary Mrs badge wearer with absolutely nothing to show for the fact that she claims to be married.

So, basically, the advice from the religious counselor is that OP now enter endurance-for-life mode in marriage and live herself as millions of our mothers and grandmothers lived—10s of 1000s of them filling up church buildings after church building all through out that country called Nigeria—, tragic lives with nothing of meaning to show for all of their struggle and suffering in the name of marriage. This one na official: "Welcome to hell in marriage!" message. Kai!

?

Apologies please!

PerfectStranger:
Men who dont drink or smoke, how do y'all cope with life challenges and it shenanigans?

Men who don't smoke or drink have an internal strength you don't have.

Because of this:
1. They face reality and it's pain rather than pretend they don't exist
2. This attitude thus make it easier to overcome the challenges because they recognise opportunities for betterment faster

Those who Do Not Drink nor smoke miss NOTHING as they are self sufficient mostly

breadtoaster:
Please, those of you who are married — how do you cope?

I am married to someone I don’t think is my friend. We dated before marriage, but during that time, I had a very senior friend whom I always went to for advice, help with decisions, and assistance with things that required initiative or “manly” effort.

........
I’m just… tired. feeling so strongly emotionally starved tooo.

As a marriage counselor and a Christian, I will tell you that your problem is minor so, please wipe your eyes.

Yes, a number of things were wrong before you got married like you did not truly know him because you didn't discuss those areas of your lives.

The Solution
1. Stop feeling miserable!
Why? Your husband is not supposed to be the source of your joy, inspiration and future in your Marriage. You are entirely responsible for that!

2. Stop looking at his weaknesses and failures!
Why?!It is too late to change him now. This is who he is by nature. You cannot change him!

3. Stop comparing him with your dreams !
Why? He is different from what you hoped, accept him for what he is!

4. Begin to create the atmosphere you desire in your home by yourself. Don't expect him to do it. He is seriously PHLEGMATIC, nothing will move unless you move it! He will join you when you initiate prayers or call him up for church or Bible studies. Don't expect him to lead... you'd be wasting your time and you'll get frustrated.

5. Acceptance and Independence is your key: Of the situation knowing that it is a long sprint. You may be the one to run the household. You will be the one to get your land and house. You may be the one to go to your children's school. You may be the one to run the Family.

6. Pray for strength to Love him in spite of these obvious weaknesses and ask God help you carry your cross.

7. Don't expect Romance from a Phlegmatic like him. You will just hurt yourself if you do!

Note:
Be joyful in the fact that
1. He may never cheat on you
2. He may provide financially to the best of his ability
3. He would probably never lift his hands or mouth at you.


People like him need a strong Wife.
Every marriage is different!
Every marriage have their own problem.




If you have any questions, please feel free!

Mattswaggz:
Who spoke about experience here?.....A lot of people from different religious groups do have extraordinary experiences that further strengthens their beliefs....it's not as if it's applicable to you only except if you've experienced something that has never happened before which you would have to share with evidence before anyone will believe you. .

Lol...the truth is something that sprang up 2500+yrs ago.... Lmao. 😂.

Self delusion at it's peak...like I said, the truth is constant and doesn't change....it is infinite as well so the truth WAS,IS and and IS TO COME(past, present and future).... Not some made up stuff that changes to suit specific agendas. 😂.

So in essence..Christ is ur truth...it's self delusion to assume what you view as truth is applicable in reality except you could provide any evidence which you don't....the worst case scenario is you'll end up insulting those who refuse to agree with you because you don't have any evidence just like you've started here already but I am not new to the antics of ur likes.

I am still correct


This was why I said that :
Unfortunately,
This blind man thinks that because he cannot see, everyone else is like him.
And
When those who have seen the Light tell him, his arrogance prevents him from coming to the ONE who Alone gives Sight to the humble!



If you don't know him, too bad for you![/quote]