₦airaland Forum

Xone3:
I am trying to get therapy, contacted someone today. She said she will send me a schedule to book an appointment.

Good.I'll like to follow you up.

Xone3:
Imagine being abused at 8 and you never speak about it till you're 28. You try to forget about it, act all strong and yes I mask my feelings so much that my friends and colleagues say I am too playful and energetic.

I'll be honest with you.You need therapy.
Let's talk more.

Xone3:
The chores in my house are unending. The issue I have now like always is that I can't seem to get anything right, I am like the bad influence to my younger brother, I can't have opinion about anything, I can't even cook water. I can promise to invite you for a meal and if you agree that I can't cook, I will go for cooking class on me. I get blamed for every kitchen disaster, I get blamed for not having a husband even though it is about religion. I can't even say I am sick because no one believes me. Everyone believes because I have a job, I am trying to be bossy. I have tried to understand why they feel I am proud, researched about it, tried everything, spoken to people, asked for opinions but all I get is that I act manly.

I hardly sleep at night because I cant sleep, awake as late as 2-4am and you expect me to wake by 6am, I resume work at 9am and I never go late, I close by 4/5pm, head to the Lagos Island to package orders for my business and reach home by earliest 8pm. I really feel tired of being a better person for anyone other than myself at this point. Family activities are for bringing out the faults in you, how you did not respond well, how you are acting like a bad child. We have the whole day as we are indoors due to lockdown, why must I follow a schedule when I can freelance? Why must everything be by force?
So sorry I typed too much.

Hmm,this has gone really deep.
Your parents didn't manage this well too while growing up and I don't know why it's both of them.It's one or the other most times.

We can talk more about this if you want.

Xone3:
He cheated a second time and I couldn't take it.
I was immature and didn't know what I wanted.
We wanted different things especially when it came with finances, raising a family, where to settle down etc. He wasn't ready to settle down with me, I really didn't have a close relationship with anyone especially family and friends. I couldn't build relationships because I didn't trust anyone. I really don't think I am proud, may be hard to deal with, and stubborn.
I hardly talk at home but a talkative outside. They believe I snub people but I try to avoid people because I usually go from one wahala to another. From they said, she said, we heard her say to the point where I decide to say only what I can repeat. The fear of being misinterpreted has kept me from building relationships.

You actually can do better than this.You don't have to be on the 'highway' all the time.
In your home now,the major issue I believe will be chores.As long as you are in the home,help out.Take responsibility.
Try to be a part of the family in activities.It doesn't mean you have to agree with them in everything but you can meet them in the middle.
It's to make you a better person for yourself first,your family and the society at large.

Xone3:
Thanks, I actually have a job and we stay apart. However, I went home due to the covid19 lockdown and things haven't changed within us.
They feel I am proud, disobedient and wayward. All I have ever tried to do was please them. I am not perfect, I am stubborn, hard hearted, kind, firm in my decisions and highly opinionated. Abused at 8, psychologically abused from young till now. Thanks for your comment

I really don't know you enough to say this but a part of me thinks this opinion of you by them isn't too far from the truth.I feel you chose to be rebellious for some reason that may be your parents' fault while you were growing up but that has ruined your relationship with them.

It's good also you admit being stubborn and hard hearted.Has this nature helped you in your relationships with other people apart from your parents?
Why did your relationship with your boyfriend end?

I think you can be a better person than you are presently.No one is perfect but I feel you can build better relationships.......with your parents and others.

'Some mothers do have them.....' but some children also do have them.
Op,no matter how bad you may think your parents are,there is a way around it rather than thinking of disowning them.
We don't know your story except you spill it but still don't make a rash decision.

mosesbola:
She no Sabi Bible Ni...

She no sabi Bible but she dey believe anything dem tell am.
There's no biblical backing to it.

Initially,I thought he liked doing things himself because I'm a bit like that but 'fetching water with kegs and going rounds' is not it.
Parental failure on the part of the man and the wife.
Just ignore them,he has laid his bed and he's lying on it.

They could both use the shop if the businesses are complimentary but it still depends on the man.If he wants his own space,then so be it.

The man get mind.The side chick sef get mind.

I thought this was a policy in teaching hospitals generally.Residency program has a duration.

This her advise is old skool.No be for this generation.Marriage no be do or die for a serial cheat.
Forgiveness isn't a bad thing,for to err is human but to forgive divine.
Couples should keep their marriage vows and make marriages worthy.

They are always overzealous and bereft of tact.
Can't they just impound the vehicle as punishment rather than resort to violence.

Why is she blushing when she don blow up already?

merahki:
And it is that definite and absolute? He can’t die before blindness sets in? She can’t contract same or a more severe disease too? He can’t manage it well and not become blind?
Glaucoma is not a contraindication to marriage or is it?...reading that from a doctor/you really baffled me like no end.
Your second submission is better than that first one which is a total no-no.

It is not definite but I hope you do know that there are hypertensives who are regular on medication and still have a stroke...regular on glaucoma drugs and still end up blind?Life is uncertain.We don't know what the future holds I never said she couldn't marry him but that she should weigh her choice.
We all have one thing or the other we are all dealing with but this is not an emotional comment,it is about reality and choices.
I do not say people who have glaucoma or any other health issues are bad people as some ignorant people have opined here.

merahki:
Please make me understand this post Doc?

Glaucoma sure can lead to blindness and it is hereditary.Is she prepared for that future?

Illiterates in the Nigerian Police Force sef.Uwa mmebi.

You say US and the story is talking about London.

Is he the only choice you have?

It's almost inevitable not to contract it in that environment.Be healed in Jesus Name and to as many of you in the front line.

Fabbyking:
thanks for your reply. Let me elaborate my point, I don't feel that tingling sensation of love with her, I see her more of my paddy paddy. Is that good enough for marriage?

@bolded,leave her and let her go.Honestly as you grow in marriage,with the way you see her now,she'll become even more unattractive to you.

Constant communication will help you.Do video calls regularly with him.

You're not ready for marriage.....at least not with her.
You better let her go if your mind is not in her instead of chasing fair girls in the future(and there will be more fair girls because of bleaching).

Can you tell your friend you will quit as soon as he gets something else for you?

Man is not God.Only God doesn't fail,man does.

Imogenn:
I’m asking because my friends wife doesn’t like me at all, I have Been friends with her husband, he is like my brother I can never ever see him in that way. But it’s like I’m just crossing the boundaries being friends with him. Is this not insecurity or does she have a reason to be this possessive?

In your own case,I'll say steer clear.There's already an issue and the wife in this case has the whole right.
Nothing wrong having the man as a friend but where do you see,how often do you talk e.t.c.?If you actually take a substantial time of the day with him,then you should give space.

crackkhaus:
What would you classify as a secret meeting?

Is visiting each other in their respective homes and being alone together part of it?
If this is the case and they are trying to avoid stories, then perhaps it's not a sustainable friendship afterall.

Being alone together isn't part of it.Visits to each other's homes isn't part of it too except she can visit the man's family at home.They can meet at the office,church,parties or public gatherings.
I have single female friends.We chat on phone and see at public places .I honestly do not see a big deal in it as long as they both have clearly defined boundaries.
The female friends I have,I don't know their houses and they do not come to mine.We chat on phones and see when we get to see in public.

crackkhaus:
Lol, just friends...but they cannot meet in secret, only in open places.

Why do they need to meet in secret?They are just friends and not lovers.

Well,you left out relevant details in your story.Were you sleeping together?Are you the father of the baby?
What is important now is not the church wedding.If you can raise money for the 'insolent fee'(money paid for pregnancy outside marriage),then pay up or start saving towards it.
You are not financially bouyant according to your story so what you should do now is spend whatever money you have on your new baby's expenses and the mother's needs.
When you are able to raise enough money for a traditional marriage,then plan towards it and then go for church blessings later.
The deed is done,so don't worry about what anybody says now.Postpone the church wedding.

Yes,it is possible.It is not every relationship between people of opposite sex that leads to a sexual relationship.
It is important though that they do not meet in secret but can only meet in open places

She's not a widow.Why can't she move to Lagos to be with the husband and weather the storm?

You kept slapping the poor girl.smh

That's a venomous snake no doubt.
Looks like a viper.