₦airaland Forum

He has to straighten out the girlfriend's charges first.The court wont care whether its the wife who made him go there or not. All the judge will focus on is the fact that there was some kind of contact between him and the ex girlfriend, which the woman is calling assault. This is no longer about the wife alone.

@ wifepalava:
What your wife can do now is strongly vouch for your character, in writing. If you can also get some friends or family members to do the same, it may help although maybe not in a big way. If not, then just the wife.  Present the letter/s to the judge or whoever is handling the case outside the police station. Make sure you emphasize the fact that you've always been a law abiding citizen and never had any issues before now(?). Any documented evidence on the ex girlfriend's drug use is also important. _{provided you're not also a user of course.}

I'm not too familiar with the British system, but I think you have to explain to your wife the effect her shouting is having on you. Under some circumstances, she could also get arrested as well if the fighting turns physical. Let her know what's at stake here- your job, and everything you've both worked for. You did the right thing by leaving the house if the argument was escalating uncontrollably, but then you made a wrong turn to your ex's house.

And try to understand what triggers the fighting. Most women will definitely mind if their husband is cheating on them- a lot of times women's intuition will tell them something is wrong somewhere, even though they may not be able to pinpoint or prove exactly what. And then react in a way the husband may see as unnecessary. Maybe she feels you don't care about her.


Even if or when you divorce her, you can still get in trouble with another wife or another woman. Neighbors can also call the police if they hear fighting.

Personally, I think you should both sign up for anger management classes. I don't know if relationship counseling actually works or not, or I'd have suggested that too. Then as someone said, your wife needs to get an education. Even if there's no money, surely she can get a loan to put her through school? And plz stop calling her a devil's agent. Or else she can turn into one, since you're calling her that.

The situation is bad, but its not the end of the world. If things look too bleak, utilize a lawyer.

Some Jamaicans do watch naija movies. Likewise other African countries.

My problem is: these other nationalites are watching Naija movies, yet many of them still dislike Nigerians.

Is it just me or shouldnt the movies make them like Nigeria and Nigerians more? Afterall people watch Hollywood and want to be American. or watch Bollywood and idolize Indian looks.

Udode:
Can you tell me more about it? its not that im limited to anambra state you know, id just like to go somewhere where they speek igbo. but if i happen to go somewhere else, is also good for me!

Do you mean the link I posted?

I dont really know much either.  I found it very interesting and thought there would be a comparable organization in western Nigeria, but it looks like there isnt. Though there are orphanages and the like, which are mainly locally based.

Here's another one I found

http://www.edowomen.org/index.html

I dont have any practical hands on experience with any of these organizations though.

For now I just give the ones which I'm a member of, a little financial support.

don't people have other things to do besides lament the state of Nigeria?

All these lamentations dey tire me, abeg.


Please, all you dirge drummers, who seem to be permanently in mourning over whatever, is there nothing else you can focus your attention on? Global warming, Zimbabwe, North Korea vs South Korea, earthquakes, extinction of whales and certain species of fish, etc etc?

Some people don turn to professional lamenters over Nigeria.


Like that film called  "Not Another Teen Movie". Nollywood needs to step up and make a movie called " Not Another lament about Nigeria".

Some rivers never dry, do they.

Udode:
@tpia

Thank you sooo much for this link, i just sent an e mail to the responsible person there and i really hope that
they will give me the opportunity to go there!

How did you know about this mission?

You're welcome.

I think I must have read about it on one of the Nigerian sites. I really don't remember how I found out about it, but thats the most likely explanation. Either that or someone sent me the link.

I'm not from Anambra, in case you were wondering. But I'm very interested in this kind of work as well. Though for now my main membership is in Oxfam and a couple of other organizations not limited to Nigeria alone.

She's Ghanaian. Very pretty.

dblock has a point- they must be referring to the Niger Delta. Thats where people are getting kidnapped.




The US based Anambra medical mission has been doing this kind of work for some years now, I think.

http://www.anambrausa.org/profile/images/medicalmission.pdf

I've been looking for a western counterpart, without success.

$3000+ for a Lagos to London ticket?

I just checked their website, and it's actually a bit confusing.  London to lagos is cheaper than Lagos to London.

me I no dey spend that kind awoof money on flight ticket oh. Not for that kind of short flight.



In fact, I just checked again and Lagos-London-lagos is about $1000+.

Those are the July rates on the site. People say other airlines are cheaper anyway.

geez, I'm so hoping the whole thing is just a bad dream from the OP 

I really wouldnt mind if it were.

when I read his story, my heart almost skipped a beat. I just thought, OMG not another one.

to tell the truth, its up to you to maintain the peace in your home.

You already said your wife is uneducated, so the shouting shouldnt come as a surprise. Since you're more exposed than she is, then you have to go the extra mile until she adapts to her new environment.

Surely you knew the risks involved in marrying someone from the village? You implied she only just arrrived recently, so she doesnt know the ropes yet.

And as people pointed out here, your ex girlfirend's house isnt the next place to go after having a fight with your wife. You're undermining yourself that way.

You can rent a hotel room somewhere. What's wrong with staying alone for a while in order to get some rest. You dont need to invite another ex girlfriend to the hotel either. i dont see how someone can rest if you're busy chasing exes all over the place on account of your wife.

I hope he has papers sha.



In any case, what kind of character does the ex have? If she's also been in trouble with the law in the past, or has been documented as being mentally unstable (like is she on medication), then that's something the OP can use in his defense.

what in the world?


your ex is a white woman? and you just went to her house like that? OMG- you better start praying.

If you don't know anyone who you can send to your ex to ask her to drop the charges, then you have a long journey ahead of you.  And if you contact her at this stage, she can file stalking charges as well, if she hasnt done so already. And sometimes, law enforcement can still refuse to drop the charges even if the spouse asks them to. The case is taken over by the state.

The charges she filed may be for sexual assault. That means you were forcing yourself on her while you were making out.  In your disturbed state that night,you probably ignored or didnt notice her reluctance and antagonism, until she started screaming.


A lot of naija guys have fallen into this kind of trap, and believe me, its not funny. And instead of people warning fellow Nigerians about all these dangers, they'll keep quiet until something happens, then start gossiping, gloating and badmouthing the person. I heard that in a lot of states, Nigerians are profiled in the criminal justice system as being prone to violence. Dont know if this is true or not. And the system capitalizes on that. When you're a black male, you don't need much of an excuse to get in trouble with the law.

If your wife is disturbing you at home, and you can't change whatever behavior it is that annoys her so much, then plz check into a hotel or friend's house until things cool down. In the US, YMCA is always available.



Well, you can wait and see what happens next. But your best bet is probably to get legal counsel. Even if you don't want to hire a lawyer, call one and ask for advice about the case. If you're not a citizen of whatever country you reside in, then that's another potential problem right there.

since you say you've never been in any trouble with the law, then thats one thing you have going for you. But it still doesnt mean they'll let you off lightly.

My best advice to you is to talk to a lawyer, unless there are other options. I don't really know of any.

interesting question.

The animals were created male and female though. And they were made before Adam.

So I wouldnt think the concept of woman was entirely new.

The angels not knowing about women is rather puzzling however.




From all accounts, woman was created in man's image.

na wa for this Fani-kayode oh.

a whole minister talking like that. After spending so much money to acquire education.

He really shouldnt be uttering his personal beliefs and superstitions publicly in this manner.




I wonder why its so hard to find a responsible person to head the aviation sector.

all these people who only like seeing pictures of Nigerian slums must be having a form of gutter sniffing syndrome then.



if they were in Kano maybe they'd also be standing by the gutter.

no need to start abusing the guy now.

I also get this kind of feeling sometimes, when I see someone who reminds me of a relative. It happens more often than one would think. I even saw someone's picture here on nairaland that I thought was my cousin from Ph who I havent seen in years. But it wasnt.

I don't see it as a big deal.

@ poster: the guy may look like your brother but it doesnt mean he actually is. If you're convinced otherwise, then just do some private investigating yourself.

its amazing how people can "resemble" each other. Especially people from the midwestern/eastern parts of the country.

I'm confused.

Is African American now a separate tribe in Nigeria?

There's a thread saying Igbos come and show your proverb skills.

Another one saying Yorubas come and show your proverb skills.

Now we have hero opening thread for African Americans to come and show their proverb skills. The other tribes never even open them own yet, hero dey jump in.

na competition?

Couldnt you at least have given the thread a different title?

African Americans have their own distinct culture of proverbs and the like, why are you trying to make them an African subgroup?

hero don turn colloquial/local finish. You're sure you're African American? Everyday you seem more and more like a naija dude who somehow got disconnected from his Nigerian roots and now fronts as an AA guy.

like maybe he or one of his parents is actually Nigerian. His story gets more suspicious by the day.


Dont get me wrong- I like learning about AA culture. But even this word "proverb" you used here- how often is it found in AA lingo?

@ poster:

sorry.

exponent must surely have been dumped by his male or female Nigerian lover sometime in the past.

bro, if s/he wasnt feeling you, then s/he just wasnt feeling you. Move on and get over it.

go date an Ethiopian. Provided you find one who doesnt mind your weird looking facade.

EXPONENT:
Let's get SOMETHING straight!

Working Nigerians in Amerikka is not doing the American economy any favors.

and you know the students are going to do their best to stay. Thus, further sending out out precious DOLLARS - duly need to spur this economy.

Oh we know.

would you prefer it if they gave you those dollars to buy crack with?

Give them a little time, maybe they'll get around to it someday.

With this bad economy, weed is getting so expensive, am sure. These Africans brothers need to send some of the dollars flowing your way, right?

idiot.

this is why some men will take their grey hair go drop them pikin for kindergarten. First born pikin oh, not last born.

Nothing wrong with that anyway. No one said life is perfect.




Though I really dont feel most of these "picky" guys are that much better than the girls they look down on as not being marriage material.

go figure.

RedHotChic:
It's not a laughing matter but if they were guilty, so be it.

what if you went to Indonesia with your boyfriend, and he planted drugs in your suitcase which were then discovered by officials? Would you still support the death penalty for offenders?

watch Bridget Jones-The edge of reason. It does happen in real life as well.

I dont think the executions were simply to deter crime. I feel there's a political undertone to all this.