₦airaland Forum

purples25:
Points taken. There need to be more females teaching stuff about how to get it right too. Thanks.

That will be great, but trust me, listen to the guys more.

Go through some of Ubunja's threads, you'll glean some gems for women.

My own inputs, don't let your happiness be overly dependent on one person. Focus on yourself, your progress, success, etc.. However, remain grounded and approachable. There is something about a lady that is successful, has boundaries but yet is approachable and amiable. Guys go dey beg you sef. The problem is many tend to be arrogant, proud, etc, which can be a put off for responsible guys. Players know what they want, so they won't mind.

I know there are cases different from the above, just protect your happiness (be responsible for your happiness yourself), have boundaries (sex will not keep a guy), and be a boring lady. According to Ubunja, the boring lady gets the ring. Don't go offering sex on a platter cos you like a guy o. He will think if you can do that with him, you will do that with everyone else. In fact, the more you think a guy is your spec and you want him long term, the more you should be on your best behaviour, and be open but not too available.. Just know that whatever you do with him, he will imagine how that will play out with other guys. If you are too easy and available, he will imagine you are like that with other guys. If you are friendly with him but firm on boundaries (not the kind of boundaries where you have touched and tasted everything but the main thing o), he will also imagine that's how you are with others and it'll make him respect you. It is a balance, let it be clear you totally like him, support, challenge, encourage, but don't be easy lay (before marriage/strong commitment).

This one is strong o

They will eventually be released.

Contrarian view here, but I think this is free and massive publicity for the two artistes.. How it came about is a different conversation.

Mrscarter:
Exactly. What U said goes both ways.
Why should a man only give?
To love is not bout giving.
It's bout loving someone unconditionally.
It's giving AND receiving.
It's to encourage, inspire, stand by each other thru good times and bad.
So if a man doesn't buy you frivolities and buy your food n pay your bills he doesn't love you? What has love got to do with material things?
Yes a man should look after his wife n his children the same way a woman should take care of her husband n children, but if a man is only dating you why should he have to support you lol.
I can imagine the stress of struggling to support himself aswell as help his family if they need it plus support a girl he's only dating would turn a man off from dating a girl who has that kinda logic I expect it has soured many a man's feelings toward women he could of loved unconditionally.
Just because we are women it doesn't make us entitled to sit on our ass n make a man struggle to support us.
Especially if the woman expects it and acts entitled to it.
This kinda logic gets me angry because in Nigeria every day is a struggle n women should be doing their fair share instead of just expecting a man to love a burden.
Relationships here are more like an escort transaction. U pay me sir n I will let you think you're my boyfriend! I can imagine how much stress, struggling and heartbreak alot of men have gone thru just to try have a girlfriend.
No wonder I see how on here nairaland men constantly have no respect for women in this country.

Ma'am.. I wish I could give more likes. It is unbelievable. There are ladies I've really liked, regardless of their financial status, but just couldn't cope with the entitlement mentality. I'm always baffled, cos it is very (and I mean very difficult) for me to make sense of it. Prolly cos of my background. No one in my family is allowed to be entitled, not parent, not siblings. So when I meet people and they act that way, o ma n shock mi bakan. And I have really tried, I have, but I have realised I cannot cope with it.

The irony is that, a lady that is nonentitled benefits even more from me cos I don't feel used. I do things I'll never do with entitled folks.. My lifestyle has always been "live well below your means", so I cannot even accommodate someone that's not contented.

I blame guys though, cos it seems many have their self esteem tied to their ability to spend.. I don't have such issues, or better still, my disdain for entitlement is stronger than my desire for "purchased admiration/love".

Activist001:
Short answer - No
Long answer - If you carry big man daughter or sugar mummy.

Hahaha. You "almost" spoke my mind on the matter. The small part left is because I have met a few ladies like that. However, I realise that even those who claim to be independent still have some level of entitlement (the independence is usually in not voicing it out lol).

In my view, entitlement is a very cultural here. Hence, it might be difficult for ladies brought up within the Nigerian culture to break away from it.

Jodha:
I would .....but it's not supposed to be that way....if he's struggling I'll surely support him in every way I can....

That's not the point sha....

Those should be things yhu do with love.... without thinking... it's not compulsory ..but it's mandatory

I agree with you in principle. However, that is not the crux of my post.

Let me clarify. Depending on your culture, things that seem like the norm in Nigeria, e.g., paying for a lady on a date, may even be considered offensive. Everyone is expected to carry their weight etc. My point is, if a guy subscribes totally to gender equality as stated in my original post (not because he is stingy or vengeful or anything of the sort, but probably due to his background or thinking pattern), can he successfully get into a relationship in Nigeria?

Everyone knows that you'd do stuff for people you like/care about from time to time, just to surprise em, make em happy, celebrate em, and so on. So that's not the point.

Jodha:
If yhu really care/love someone...yhu wouldn't bother about such frivolities ...

I wouldn't call them frivolities. But, if they indeed are, why then would you bother about them? And why wouldn't it "roll" as you said earlier? I mean, if they are frivolous, would you enter into a relationship where you are "responsible" for the guy? Since you love him.

Let's keep the logic tight.

Jodha:
That won't roll my dear...

Love gives ....if yhure too stingy to give...then yhure not ready

I'm sure I said it does not preclude acts of generosity.

Godada:
My two cents:

It's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for the aforementioned to happen.

Somebody wake me up if that happens

Lol.. On the contrary, I don't think it's "impossible", just rare.

I would appreciate some contribution on this. How feasible is it for a guy to get into a relationship that works in Nigeria if he totally subscribes to gender equality?

Embracing equality would include things like:

*going dutch on dates (or better still, alternating who funds the outings),
*expecting the lady to be fully responsible for herself just as he is for himself, and
*not aligning with the idea that it is the man's sole responsibility to provide, and thus perennially baffled at the trite "my money is my money, your money is our money" expression.

The above do not, in any way, preclude acts of generosity. Such acts would however be seen and appreciated as privileges and not as rights.

I highlight seemingly financial matters because those are usually the sore points.

Thoughts please.

I sense some level of bad belleism here..

You mention Deshinor but Laycon actually has a great song featuring Deshinor..

I think he'll do great in the music industry.

Hopefully we eventually get a convergence between official and parallel rates.

Interest rates need to go up. A high inflation currency at -14% real return. You are begging for exchange rate pressures.

Hopefully, oil prices go up as well, that way, we may have more USD and stronger economic recovery, and can then focus on managing inflation (at least the money supply component) and stop using pro-growth platitudes (with some truism) as a flippant facade for financial repression.

majamajic:
I said 95% don't , but in East Africa it's very common , when your girl visit in east africa u need to spray extra duve. Kogi and Benue are the closest here with 90% , in South East it's about 99% against . Kwara is about 93% highest in SW , Calabari is about 97% highest from SS , for some reason I will leave core North

Ahn ahn, see stats...
Statistician General - National Bureau of Sexual Statistics (NBSS)

ubunja:
this is what I mean. If you go after the girl you want SHE is in control. Not you.

Yes if a woman chooses you she'll initiate and you'll lose respect for her. That's why I'm telling her in this writeup to stop initiating.

So basically, she should choose you but also be the kind of girl that does not initiate. There are definitely other ways to know you've been chosen. Time, attention, sacrifice, gifts/money, looking out for your best interests, not "using" you.. and so on.

ubunja:
lol that is the summary of it - a man in love will spend. And a woman in love will sleep with you.

That's the greatest truth of all time.

That's why in my writeup Chosen i told men to stay away from the women they love. Because love is a drug and it will have you acting funny. Better to be loved than to love. But for many men that's too much of a sacrifice. They want to chase love. Hence they end in tears.

If a girl gives you butterflies in your tummy and has you daydreaming, cut it off. It won't end well. Let her be the one in love. Not you. That's how Players, Bad Boys and P1mps do it. That's why you never see them she's one tear over a woman. And they can deal with many women at the same time. Love is poison. Leave it for women. Let them chase it.

If a girl is in love with you she'll even disown her own father and family for you. And she'll sleep with you without you so much as asking for it. Love is blind. But many men will never experience this because they themselves chase love. And they get used.

You have a point but I have always been frustrated at how I find it difficult going after ladies I really like. It wasn't a conscious thing but I realised I don't like the funny feelings I get. Makes me feel like I'm not in control of my emotions.

On the other hand, I'm sensing some ambiguity here... You say go for who chooses you; but then, because you were chosen, she would probably be more open to initiating and not necessarily inviting. Based on your writeup here, as a guy, you may then develop low regard for her. Let me ask this, if you are interested in marriage, do you still wait to be chosen? How then does this work with respect to marrying boring women, because, whoever chooses you will try to make you happy, and so may not be "boring", even if that is just for you (but hey, you probably won't know that).

Omoooo

Agility

Interesting

Cool

Odingo1:
I am doing my best because I just gave 30k last month and 60k previous 2 months. She is working also as a secretary. I am also working in small oil servicing company.

You guys aren't married and you sound like giving her money is your duty. Okay..

Even in marriage, you both should be financially responsible. Anyway, let me come and be going.

Casmiry:
It's only a mask for the purpose of complete anonymity
TSBO

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