₦airaland Forum

icetrimz:
I would like to go symmetrical to the point. But before I proceed, I will like to say sorry to whom it may concern. Yes people I did it, I went through her phone. I broke the rule and went...

Very funny write up.

Hope you are putting your writing skills to good use. Focus on how to do that and forget the current situation.

Ndubuisipaul1:
At the age of 25 I was mocking a man that got married at the age of 33 I told him that he married too late. Now am 32 I don't even know when I will get married because of lack of money.

Many of our Nigerian girls are not married because ,we guys don't make money on time to marry them. Am 32 no girlfriend ( because I cannot sustain them ) and no plans of marriage , and you are blaming the ladies . Will tree marry them?

Meanwhile I am a professional photographer, and videographer.

Don't make money on time to marry them

Is making money a monopoly held by men??

Women can make money too and get married to whomever they want to get married to.

It is warped mindsets that need to change.

funkmrflexx:
We Have Been Dating For 1 Year and 6 months now. I’ve met her parents, we wanted to get married last year but her dad told me to wait till she finishes school which is supposed to be next year. I’m 25 years old and she’s 22...

I'm speechless.

Anyway, King Solomon has the following to say..

Pro 21:9 MLV It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a contentious woman in a wide house.

naptu2
naptu2
naptu2

MOnkeyBabe:
I think you look like the Guy I'm Dating. He pushes me away because I'm all lOvey Dovey

Not sure I'm like him though... I don't really mind lovey dovey from the lady.

Brightgem:
I'm not sure you read this person's submission properly, you are not the same in anyway and what he expressed is far from what you are saying.

I agree with you. I did mention some of the exceptions and I was only speaking to a few parallels.

ManOfSteel2:
Don't feel alone as a handful of people might probably be in your shoes.
Having a "soft/tender" heart won't be considered a crime.

Had a bae that couldn't hurt a mosquito, despite spending endlessly on anti-malaria pills.

ManOfSteel will advice you extend that "brotherly love" when next you are confined with a Rattlesnake.

Hilarious

Ybaby:
Pls infidel ... leave me be.

Does the bible have to tell you to provide for own children if not a case of being daft

pls let me be

Name-calling, straw man, etc.. Signs of emotion rather than reason.

Again the Bible refers to those of your household; not just children, everyone. It is clear. Just read and study.

With the above, I think my message has been passed. Cheers.

Ybaby:
Joker

Well.. You are the one making a joke of the scriptures. It is for studying.. Not for quoting carelessly. Did you even bother rechecking? Or you prefer to stick to your view even though you might be wrong?

Ybaby:
I am seeing a pattern that it is men whose mothers feed/fed thier fathers that think like this.

Poster Is your mum single cos you may have to wife her.

1 Timothy 5:8 If anyone does not provide for his own, and
But if any man have not care of his own, and especially of those of his house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

Again. This is a serious misinterpretation. Please read the passage... 1Titus: Chapter 5. The verses before and after that line you are misusing speaks to widows. The male pronoun is used to refer to both genders (together) in the Bible.

Ybaby:
Eventually all wives who pay all or some bills cheat. I am not saying it is good I am only stating the fact.

Wives who shelter thier husbands eventually become violent towards the husband.

See the bible knows what it was saying when it said a man who cannot provide is worse than an infidel... those wives may pretend to respect thier husband in his face but gossip their husbands to neighbours, family and friends letting them know they pay the Bills.

What OP experienced is even small. When a woman pays Bills she emasculates the man in front of him or behind him.... she will sha find a way to subliminally let the world know she wears the trouser.

Na so we see am. I pray for you that you are able to fully pay your household Bill's and kids bills if you add your wife's bill she will let the world know you are the MAN!

Sunny Ade said one man was made to escourt his wife to her boyfriend house.... na money cause am.

Man is on earth to pay Bill's, to work and uplift his family...... may all men be able to do this because the consequences of otherwise is severe.

An angel can become a witch if she is made to pay a man's bills

That passage of the Bible refers to both male and female. Let's not interpret the Bible with cultural lenses... In fact, Paul was speaking about widows (young and old) in that passage.

How about the Proverbs 31 woman that ensures she provides for the family? What about the part that says wives should submit to their husbands as unto the Lord and husbands love their wives as Christ does the church.

There is no excuse here, it is basically a culturally reinforced unscriptural mindset of entitlement that makes a woman think providing for her own family is not alright and grounds for being proud and abusive. Or that a man's little or no income disqualifies him from being the head of the home and from being treated as such.

XhosaNostra:
What happened in that relationship from your teens? That could be where it all began.
I knew someone who told me that he lost his 1st love because she was forced to marry someone else. I think that experience had a tremendous impact on him because he'd fight tooth & nail to avoid situations where he'd have to be vulnerable. He also CRAVED affection, but when he felt himself reciprocating, the inner conflict would start. I was often left feeling that he preferred any other girl to me. But of course that wasn't the case because he couldn't stay away either, when I'd send him packing. Sometimes I felt he resented me for making him feel because he'd do things to hurt me on purpose, so I'd break up with him, which gave him a fleeting feeling of relief, I guess. But he'd always return lol. He once admitted that he didn't like feeling out of control with his feelings, he preferred no attachments because that's the only way he'd have full control over his heart. It's almost like love embarrassed him if that makes sense. Like he felt it weakened him as a man or something like that. It's difficult to love someone like that. In contrary to their behaviour, they have a difficult time letting go. They're obsessive & stalkerish when they succumb to their emotions, even if it's for a brief moment.

It actually wasn't really a relationship but we had a fondness and closeness. I was totally smitten mehn. Tried taking it further with sweet words and
all but she was the uptight type and actually told me not to. We however kept close communication until we went to Uni and it somehow fizzled out. Maybe cos I was the one doing most of the chasing. Tried to reestablish contact at different times but the reception was cold so I've more or less given up on that.

Since then, I haven't really let myself be smitten that way again. I guess the pain of rejection is stronger when you are smitten. There is a lady I currently like that way but I am just waiting for neutral circumstances. I don't feel like chasing and all that.

Your description up there resonates with me, however, I'm quite self-aware, so it helps to manage some potential excesses. I value being rational at all times (even when it is non-conformist), so yeah, those lovey dovey feelings make me feel like I'm not in control of my emotions, and I do not like that.

What eventually happened with the guy? Still in touch with him.

XhosaNostra:
I'd say you're a narcissist, but you're self aware. People like you usually have deep-seated abandonment issues or suffer from fear of rejection. You only skim the surface when it comes to emotions, so noone can get close enough to inflict any sort of pain. Get them before they get you type of thing. Underneath the seemingly uncaring facade, there's actually an extremely sensitive person that's scared to death of getting hurt, so they put up all these defences to protect their mushy core. Something like a human crustacean One person will manage to break down your walls though, mark my words. But it'll only take one person. It won't be easy sailing. There'll be a lot of vacillation between enmeshment & suffocation on your part. Good luck to the poor girl

I think you have a point. For me, I have noticed I hate being head over heels or having a crazy crush.. You know, butterflies and all. I just detest the feeling; I don't want anyone to have that kind of influence on my emotions. I typically never really approach any lady that makes me feel that way, or I just fight the feeling till it subsides (except in one case, which was years ago as a teenager).

xendra:
NO. Don't talk it down, what the OP is talking about is not that simple, I know men who are like him, and they are angry at women for not being perfect when they themselves are intolerable. they HATE women yet they are always sleeping or trying to sleep with one, just can't keep any. its NOT normal at all.

just reading his post I would think it's a friend I turned down his marriage proposal but I'm sure it's not him because that one can't write as good as the OP but he is very rich so he gets to sleep with a lot of pretty women yet feels sooo unfulfilled/unsatisfied, and hates women for not being perfect...SMH

Apologies. You're right. I shouldn't downplay it. Needing to control, punish, and tear down another person's self esteem isn't something to gloss over.

With regard to your example, HATE? That's the extreme.

For me, I like, or in some cases, love women. I just would like to have one I'm committed to.

With the strong exception of needing to control and punish, I can relate to some of those things as well. It takes me a long time to decide on a girl, even when I really like her. I usually do not see the need to date someone except I want to marry the person, hence, it is quite hard to try dating a lady to "see where it goes". Nonetheless, I would like to commit to someone and have the person committed to me.

I also dislike materialism and I'm quite simple.

Maybe I just have very high expectations or I just haven't met the right person (who isn't already taken).

No stress though. I think when I meet the right person it would be obvious. Same for you. You may even become a softie (aka simp in Nairaland terms). I think any man has the potential to become a simp in the hands of a very wise woman. He won't even realise it as long as the partner meets his expectations.