₦airaland Forum

Tallesty1:
There are times we need to ask ourselves questions and answer them truthfully.

Not just truth, but also understanding.

Once you understand that your typical womans primary driver is her own utility and comfort - not her kids welfare and certainly not her husbands happiness - you'll understand.

Work with it.


TV

pickabeau1:
Yes

The difference is that it is now accepted and mainstream

Male escort service
Reality TV shows

So many insights and pointers as to why "sexual equality" will be disastrous for women.

Historically, men have placed a high value on intimacy with women and even gone to war over it. Now women are paying men? Laughable, but quite tragic. A singular lesson in how to take something of great worth and render it all but valueless.

I see lots of women thinking that financial independance somehow levels the playing field. Nope, because men do not typically seek out women for financial reasons. And the money they acquire does not necessarily secure them the men they desire or the happiness they want.

I maintain, that when women fully realise how feminism compromises the feminine imperative, they will of themselves war against it. Sharp and high status men will continue to enjoy the ride - and pick of the best quality women.

An unfolding story, but some of us can prety much forsee the end.


TV

carefreewannabe:
Where in Germany were you?

I spent New Year's Eve in London.

Frankfurt

carefreewannabe:
Congratulations!

Danke schon

carefreewannabe:
So now kids / teenagers should have a choice like adults?
I doubt I have ever said something like that.

carefreewannabe:
It would be better, she wouldn't but nowadays you have plenty of possibilities to prevent a pregnancy or should people only have s*ex when they want to procreate? I don't think so.

Your two quotes above sound somewhat contradictory.
It's procreation at 16 that you don't agree with, not copulation, although teenagers shouldn't actually have that choice?


TV

striktlymi:
Recalling my conversation with him still leaves me rather confused, hence my question: Is it improper to help put away the dirty dishes in the home of a married friend?

What is proper is for you to humbly respect the boundaries your friend sets for you in his home. If you can't, don't visit, or un-friend him . You are gracious to offer, but should take no offence - and graciously accept - if he declines. End of.

It could be either he or his wife are uncomfortable with it - for reasons best known to them. Perhaps the see doing the dishes as a special bonding activity for just the two of them. Please learn to be more diplomatic, unperturbed by relatively insignigficant stuff and stop over-analysing. All you've done here is expose yourself and your friend to unthinking criticism. Honestly.


TV

^{I've come back to some wierd utterances by men on the Family board. May have to put a series together .}

carefreewannabe:
Guten Morgen TV,

what a surprise. I was wondering what happened. Happy New Year to you and your family.

She is 16 years old and too young to have kids, in my opinion. And she should be going to school because I believe that education is very important.

...nothing happened, I was caught up! I actually spent a brief period in Germany - was hoping to miraculously run into you . I was a little bit dissapointed. All the black people I saw looked severely under pressure - mostly Somali looking. I saw two half-decent looking ones, of which one was in our offices over there.

Family are well thanks. By Gods grace we are enlarging our tents very soon .

I thought it was all about choice and empowering? Like I said, I don't know the back story, but if she was not forced or coerced by anyone, should you not respect her choices and champion her right to choose?

If you feel she's too young for children, does it follow that she's too young for intercourse?


TV

carefreewannabe:
She should be going to school instead of having kids.

Guten morgen Frau CFW,

And HNY how far? Hope you are well.

Without knowing the back story here, may I ask why she should be in school? Her sexual and reporductive choices should be solely within her power according to your mantra.


TV

deylookme:
TV01, thanks for your input. Honestly, our relationship was 3 years old when we found out we were pregnant and we were in it to get married. He had been pushing for marriage since my 3rd year in school but I refused and insisted I must graduate and possibly go for service. Things got bad along the line and when we were ready there was no money, he lost the 2 people he was closest to in his family and that were willing to help without conditions that was a turning point for him. Nothing mattered anymore. Last year was bad but things have improved now. I've wanted to marry him all through the 5 years.

Your comment needs to be studied and internalised, I'll do just that.

Morning deyooklme, hope you are well. I must say the equanimity and grace with which you are discussing the situation is quite refreshing and to be commended. You come across really well. And if it's any indication of your wider character, I believe and truly hope you'll come through this.

The extra insights are helping me understand things in a more personal sense and are quite revealing. I've also read you other posts about the situation.

You have a lot vested in this relationship, and, with a child to consider, it's understandable that you are keen to make it work - absolutely nothing wrong with that - although your giving consideration to other "suitors" suggests you are aware it may not?

Hence, your dilemma remains, do you stick it out, or do you move on. I'll say this first, if you do decide to move on, understand what a good husband is made of and don't settle for less. Your interest in your ex from a decade ago smacks of immaturity/desperation.

I personally think you should have it out with him. But first, you must gather yourself and consider if you can deal with the possible outcomes?
I'd sit him down, remind him of where you have both come from, the journey thus far. The promises made, the vision and the anticipation, and your enduring commitment to it.

Explain to him that you understand the pressure and what he seeks to do, but for the best long-term interest of you and your child he needs to formalise the commitment.

You need to be clear about what time frame is acceptable to you and what you expect in terms of milestones/events up until the day. Then you need to make it readily apparent that you will move on with your life if he cannot commit wholeheartedly and fully accept the responsibilities that come with the challenge of being a husband and father.

If he's looking for a way out, it'll soon be clear, if he's seeking to keep the status-quo which effectively absolves him of real ownership, it'll be apparent, and if he realises that it's time to take the reigns and honour you and your child as he first planned you'll know.

Perhaps give him time to go away and consider his response or prep him beforehand so he knows exactly what you have in mind. Either way, with an understanding of his position, you can determine the way ahead.

A real idea of what he stands to lose might galvanise him. But in any event, be clear, be firm and be resolute. And please, please, please, don't take in at this point.

All the best

TV

To my bros'
Always set your standards high in terms of expectations from your wife. It goes without saying that you present as a mature man with a vision for your home. Articulate who you are, what you stand for and your expectations. Get to know her, but don;t pander to her or allow your feelings to lead your actions. If at any point you feel she's not the one, free her and move on. If it's a relatively minor thing - amongst a whole lot of good - let her know and work with her. If she is not clear in due course, at best park her and keep looking. Please don't mess them about or blight their futures for a few fleeting moments of intimacy.

...if she's truly the nutter you say she is, FIL probably did a double-take the day you showed up to ask for her hand in marriage. He almost certainly couldn't believe it, but played along knowing he daren't not risk losing someone who freely offered to take her off his hands. He almost certainly knew the chances of it happening twice were zero to wafer thin...

...She's your problem now not his. He had his fill - probably 20+years worth - of the solipsistic, delusional, entitlement princess...

Sorry eh!

TV

deylookme:
Hello,

I'm in my mid twenties and a single mom. I want matured advice from experienced Nairalanders and those who have been in my shoes before. Please I'll be brief as possible, you can ask questions.

My baby's dad is a nice guy in his mid thirties, 11 years age difference (not an issue to me). He's everything I want in a husband. We love each other very much and have been together for almost 5 years . He's a good guy but he doesn't have enough money. I work so I basically take care of my child though I have plans to get my masters next year. Anytime he has money , he doesn't hold it back. His family wants us to get married ASAP but he doesn't want that, instead he wants to be comfortable and I understand that. If I ask when we'll get married, he'll say he doesn't know but we'll do that immediately he's capable. He's too independent of his family and doesn't listen to most of his siblings except a few.

I have guys that are interested in marrying me, some are married now. My ex has been in the picture. Since we broke up, he has been trying to get back together for almost a decade. He's in his late twenties, loves me a lot and wants to get married. We didn't date long, about 3 months and we broke up. I don't like the fact that he drinks. He's promising to stop but I don't believe him. He's a mama's boy. If not he's cool. I feel if I leave my boyfriend, I'll be gambling with this guy. He promised to love my child. Do men love kids that are not their's? His family has accepted us and are supporting him to
go ahead.

I think it's time I start a family and give my baby a father figure. My parents have been supportive through out the pregnancy but they are getting tired and fed up and I understand them totally. Recently, they keep praying for me to get married and their attitude towards me has changed even though I contribute financially to the family. I don't blame them neit
her do I have anything against them.

Am I desperate?  What do you think I should do? Should I leave my boyfriend for my ex I don't really know?

Cc
Aisha2
Hispinkolo
Mizmycoli
Kanwulia/ kanwulia jara
Cococandy

Please your contribution would be appreciated even though I didn't mention you. You can help me tag people who are blunt, straight forward and wise.

Deylookme hello and festive greetings, I know I wasn't tagged directly, but I think I can "palm" two of blunt, straightforward and wise ! Plus, I like to use such opportunities to talk to men about marriage.

In a nutshell, you want to be married, have more children possibly and secure some stability for your child. Quite laudable really. Your problem is youa re bereft of decent choices. The truth is, you are caught between a rock and a hard place. I'll go as far as to say, if you didn't have a child, neither of these two men would be on your radar, especially if what your baby fathers family has to say about you - in your words below - is true. In fact, you won't go to far wrong if you take the advice inherent in that statement.

He told me that they said I'll leave him soon because according to them I'm beautiful, young, ambitious and intelligent so they are advising him to impregnate me again.

You claim to "love" BF, yet you are considering and in discussion with an ex from over 10 years ago whom you dated for barely 3 months and is quite clearly immature?

Further, you have other suitors. Perhaps our definition of suitors differs, but to me qualification as a suitor demands a certain level of interest has been shown and considered, and certain things have happened? Unless you are working with the old adage of "until she marries, every man is a suitor"?

You are being prompted by a females basic instinct - and that's not as bad thing - in fact, you are probably guilty of not taking things to their natural conclusion.

Your BF at this point in time is simply not the kind of fabric you want to be sewing a husband from. But deep down, you know that don't you? His inability to commit to both you and your child or make any kind of definitive statement about your settling down is glaring. Like I noted previously if there was not a child involved, he wouldn't be on your radar.

It's why your father detests him, and if I were speaking as male relative, I would have little time for him. He is simply not up to it at this point. Be it because he is not confident in his ability to provide, unequal to the responsibility of taking full ownership, or simply more comfortable with you being a baby-mama, than challenged by taking on the burden of being a committed husband and father.

His family' involvement is even more telling, they are pushing and looking to support him in to doing what he should be driving himself, and making it conditional as they don't actually see him as that able. You are the catch here not him - he simply lucked out getting to you early.

OP you can skip the quote below, it's more for men;

I touched on the female instinct earlier, the dread "H" word, hypergamy. I make no value judgement about it, it just needs to be correctly understood and applied.

Women typically marry up or at worst on a level, and if the man is "high status" in an absolute sense, marrying at a level is not a problem, say two doctors for example. Few women love in an unconsidered or unqualified manner - its actually men that do that more - but that is understandable as women are typically more vulnerable as OP is discovering now.

The reasons are quite obvious, a man will expected to lead, provide and protect his family. Typically woman do not want to bear that burden or the major part of it, as they usually have other gender-specific burdens they have to deal with, and are better equipped to.

And there's another oft overlooked part of the dynamic between husband and wife. A womans attraction for her husband (or any man) is stimulated by his ability to deliver as noted. If he doesn't, over time only strong religious injunctions or social mores will prevent her straying or leaving him - in any event, she will not be happy.

There has been much talk about charitable giving - or the gift of liberality if we set this in a Christian context - but two things here, you mentioned nothing about faith and faith would suggest he makes amends for the "out of wedlock" situation.

Further, one who fails to provide for his household is worse than an infidel. Any gift of liberality or charitable bent must be coasidered in light of means and responsibilities. Please don't spiritualise your situation, for one thing, when you are in the crucible of marriage it won't render an ounce of succour.

So consider what possibly awaits you should you marry him and have further children. He either delivers, or he fails too, despite his familial support (which in any event will have limits) and the provider burden falls majorly on you. Are you prepared to live out the worst case scenario or will there be another failed marriage with the attendant costs - especially to the child?

As for the child you have, the outcome for him/her will be best in a stable household, be this with his biological father or someone who commits to you both. The difference will be in provision and modelling.

Whether you act on instinct or make clear considered choices (and they may well be the same), I wish you all the best. I hope the young and unwed are taking notes here.

TV

Timbuktou:
Merry christmas, egbon. Fresh_Dude, here. You were gone for quite a while. How have you been and how's the family?

Freshly hi, Yuletide greetings to you and yours. Why the change of monicker? I liked the old one. Anyway, I trust you'll maintain your normal quality flow.

Best
TV

cococandy:
How about if the culprit is unrepentant?

Separate

cococandy:
And in case of seperation, I wonder how except joining a monastery or nunnery a divorced or separated person intends to remain celibate all their life.

I was celibate from the day I became a Christian until I met my wife - and it was a long time . I'm sure I've testified as such previously on NL. But more to the point, when I was searching for a wife, and even more pertinently when it seemed at times I may not find one, I always knew a lifetime of celibacy may be on the cards and I was totally at peace with that. And I knew I wasn't settling for any ole' wife.

Before I actually became a Christian, I was all but one. I just couldn't wrap my head around the no GF thing. Once I became one, it was quite clear to me what my faith demanded. I said "no problem", if that's what you desire Lord, pray help me - I didn't even pray as such, just affirmed it within myself - and He did. The Lord is no respecter of persons. His grace is freely available.

cococandy:
I know I'm seeing the world through my personal lenses right now but it is still damn hard to believe.

The scriptures are clear - and plainly so. What people choose to believe, how they choose to express their faith and the amount of trust they have in God, is indeed a personal thing

Christian marriage is until death do part, divorce is possible in the event of adultery, remarriage only in the event of death of one of the spouses.

TV

Ewuro4:
You dey mind them?


And point of correction : Marriage WONT bring you HAPPINESS if you aren't happy to start with. People get this wrong everytime and with high expectations too.

Hi Jide, long time. Hope all is well with you. Great to have you back. Such festive cheer.


TV

cococandy:
Really?

Say she insults your parents horribly, abuses you emotionally and even physically when she can, slept with your boss and had a child for him and you guys got separated for that reason at about 35yrs of age.

You will forever remain single and CELIBATE for the rest of the 50-60yrs you have left on earth because marrying another wife will be adultery?

Really LOUIS?

Festive greetings Coco, how far?

Lews has laid it out straight. Even the transgression of adultery is forgivable. And if you choose not to forgive, the permission to divorce does not pre-suppose remarriage. True Christian marriage is until death do part.


TV

crackhaus:
Can't stop, won't stop...

Long time no see read, Sir TV...trust all is good and well.
Compliments of the season, and a happy bubbly new year in advance!

...very well thank you for asking. Great Christmas. I trust likewise.

Best
TV

11. I'll call you back in about an hour dearest, MOTD is about to start. **deactivates speaker and ends call **

TV

crackhaus:
Please I ask that you do me that great 'injustice' by not replying this with more confused retorts.
It will indeed be a great injustice to my intelligence if I have to read another comment from you desperately trying hard at another comeback (the last one took you almost a week even).

Cheers!

Cracky - stuffing turkeys whatever the season !

TV

Mondisweets:
So saying that about a father to his daughter doesn't cause problems? She can have her father disrespected in her face and have a party over it abi?

Let me put mondi's alter-ego thats always stirring up trouble on NL aside....

There are things we need to learn before we enter into marriage. I know no matter what i can never take the position of my mother in-law in her son's life. So long they had a healthy relationship, she will remain the number one in his heart. Her food will most probably remain the best food he has ever tasted. She will probably be the only woman who could tear that asssss up but he would still go back to her the next day, hug her and call her the best mother ever. As a wife try it and the last thing i will see is a bright light.

Same thing goes with a father and his daughter. In fact my father would slap me today and tomorrow i would be drawing a pic of him written " greatest father in the world, i love you". If my husband tries it, best believe me he will not be getting an i love you the next day. A matured man will know that even if he is his wife's husband, that did not replace the role of her father in her life in anyway. Her father will probably the only man who can beat her up and 2hrs later she will be going down on her knees and serving him his favorite meal.

If my mother in law gives my husband food items or crockery. I will not ask my husband why she didn't inform me, i will simply call her to thank her. And if i can't cook the food items she sent me i will even ask her how she used to prepare it for him, so i can surprise him. If she sends him with a car, i will even go to their house and thank both her and her husband for the gift, whether i was informed about it before or not. At the end of the day, the gift was given to him, he was the one who had to choose whether he wanted it or not.

I understand that when get married i would have gained 2more parents not 2 more enemies trying to interfere with my marriage.
There is so much more about parenting i can learn from them apart from what my own parents have taught me. Im an African and i understand that marriage is not only about 2 people becoming one but 2 families coming together. Clearly some African men have thrown that cultural value away, why must you feel your in-law is belittling you by doing something for his daughter?

The guy in question felt disrespected by this FIL (for whatever delusional reason i have failed to understand until now) and the best way to deal with it was insult him in his daughter's face, because thats what mature men do? They make the issue worse?
If a petty issue like how a car is delivered can frustrate his life, what more when a bigger issue arises? Will he not murder his in-laws?
A man who acts his age would just go thank his in-laws for the gift. At the end of the day the receiver of the gift wasn't complaining so why should he take panado for a headache thats not his?
If it deeply wounded his little ego, there was always another alternative, go to another elderly family member from his wife's side, ask him/her to tell his FIL in the nicest way possible that he didn't feel that the gift was given in an appropriate manner and he must take caution in the future. You think insulting her father will make her love and respect him more?
When she starts disrespecting his mother the way he disrespected her father by claiming, " she is interfering with her marriage" you will come back an create another thread about how women of this generation have no respect for their husbands and in-laws

Singleton right?

TV

Mutaino7:
source. www.google.com
Tags:
sirshymexx, crackhaus, royver, tv01, jomile, bunmioguns, preciousjoz, kimco, wackyj1, tosyn007, feraz, crackhaus, 50calibre.

Holá,

TV01 believes God, is fully persuaded by the gospel of The Lord Jesus Christ, and does not doubt the integrity of the scriptures.

TunjiMsp:
The bible also said the earth is flat, now we know better

Where?

TV

ihedinobi2:
WOAH!!! I DID NOT READ THAT OP!!! NASTY!!!

Ok, I know the "husband-lost-ability-to-provide-so-wife-provides" story very well. I know it very very well.

To put it simply, I consider the husband and wife a single unit. One spouse's issues are the other's as well. It's one team. Contrary understandings have not proved to work to my observation.

As far as I'm concerned, I'm getting married because I want help to accomplish the purpose of my life. I'll judge everything by that. I hope for a prudent manager for a wife. I'd commit everything I own to her if I could. And encourage her to become a wise investor with them while I go out to get more.

If her activities earn us more than mine I gain. If mine earn us more I gain. I don't see a loss either way.

Needless to say, I wouldn't stand in my wife's way if she decides to quit her job and play asset management guru with our "pot". I might actually push the idea I do like having someone I trust home with the kids.

Ihe, hi, hope all's well. Saw you shout-out, thanks very much. Just beeen chillin' and chasing down other things. Wishing you a merry x-mas and a most fruitful new year.

@Bolded, a worthy sentiment, but very few are capable of living up to that. Be it a social construct or due to our wiring, men are designated providers, priests and protectors. Any imbalance there is liable to cause issues in their relationship.

Take the priestly role for instance, in instances where men fail here or are simply weak/uninterested, many wives look to pastors or other spiritual icons - and lots of marital convo's are typically initiated with "pastor says".

Even yet to marry girls sef - after a few knocks, I studiously ignored those ones - I suggest single brothers do the same or at least make it very clear who is pastor in their home, and if the MOG oversteps the marital mark he may be met with a head-butt !

It's a mans pride to be able to provide wholesale for his family, and typically both parties feel absolutely comfortable with it. And society rarely questions that - a woman thrust into that position will feel resentful - and more so if it's a struggle to make ends meet.

On the whole women want men who can lead them, and that can be difficult without a solid financial footing, as provision is somehow implied. Even women that want to be able to control their men, don't necessarily want to have to feed them to do that.

Women typically marry up, and that is not something that I have a problem with as there are clear biological and social drivers for that. Ask any of the female high-earners here if they would seriously consider marrying a man who earned 50% or so less than them? Not unless a desperate situation warrants it.

The number of homes where men provide the bulk of the income still far outnumber the relatively few instances where women provide more, let alone all. The economic landscape nowadays typically means both parties are required to make a monetary contribution.

@second bolded, again that is actually best IMHO,but it demands you shoulder that burden to provide for your household, not something that would easily swing in the reverse .

@Post, why are financial troubles in marriage now reduced to "men not being able to provide/secure an income"? It's worth touching on, but that can only ever be a relatively small number of homes. Even if the wife contributes more, it's relatively rare for a man to bring in absolutely nothing on a long-term basis, or even less over the course of the whole union.

There can still be monetary issues/dilemmas regardless of the split or source of income, especially where resources are limited - as is the case in most homes. Perhaps the discussion could touch on communication and creativity around agreement and utilisation of resources. Deadbeat husbands have taken a beating already on this thread .

Absolutely agree with Bukatyne re headship - or at least I think I do? Headship is the mans by default and not predicated on his financial capabilities, however, a facet of his husbandly role is provision.


Off to season my turkey.

Merry crimbo everyone


TV

The money didn’t change him...he was always like that...his former lack of money just meant he could'nt show the darker(self-serving) side of his character without cost...now he can literally afford too.

Please learn a very valuable lesson here. I have also experienced this. There are people who will draw close too you based on what they can gain from you.

Once they have obtained all they think you are worth or surpassed you, you will be cut off, marginalised, or treated in a distinctly inferior manner. And possibly quite shabbily – treating you like their boy-boy or like you don’t know what’s up.

There are many such from poorer or impoverished backgrounds. Their desire to “advance themselves” is often their main motivator. Treating you badly is a manifestation of the inferiority complex that drives them.

Apart from wounded feelings - and yes, it hurts when someone you championed and sought the best for at all times, literally stabs you in the back - it doesn’t look like you lost too much.

A valuable lesson at not too great a cost. Please don’t let it affect what I sense is a generous spirit, however, do be circumspect in your dealing with people and how much you commit yourself to them.

Watch what happens if he stumbles or falls, or otherwise needs to call on you for assistance.


TV

edwife:
Lol TV ,i did not procure any caro for him,but sarah.....

Do you really believe he will stay with such a wife under the same roof for 24h?

Oh my bad....apologies...I knew there was some "arrangee" going on and it was you, wrong Sister. SisterCaro abeg, no vex .


TV

carefreewannabe:
Did it pain you so much that you had to call out my name?

Self loathing of ones identity - race, ethnic background or cultural heritage is a very sad thing. I'm doing my bit to preventit spreading like ebola .


TV

crackhaus:
I suggest you show this to your husband as well, assuming you're married.

Is that not Coogars wife? I think Edwife or someone (can't rightly remember) procured her for him !


TV

carefreewannabe:
Were you not the one who called out my name first today?

Yes now. Just to indict you for self loathing, not to command an appearance. Now scram, dialogue is happening, not story by picturebook !


TV

carefreewannabe:
Astonishing that you pass yourself off as a History expert.

First define civilization and then tell us which place is considered the cradle of civilization.

Then show me what role sub-Saharan Africa had in all this and how TV01's ancestors spread civilization.

Frau Schleppangel how far ! Craving attention huh? Ok, Imma throw you some.

I'm sure Shymexx will respond to you accordingly, but this discussion centres around appropriate dressing, lewdness and decency. For anyone to claim that, before white men arrived on this continent, Africans were barbaric butt-nekid savages, is worthy of censure for stupidity and ignorance. In fact it should be bannable offence - especially as when it was repeatedly pointed out a recant was not forthcoming.

Can fish swim backwards !


Go back to posting bogus threads in romance


TV

Nashville:
My point is that all cannot be treated equally. It never works. Some people will need special treatment and it is not necessarily preferencial. They just need it to achieve their objectives. Sorry, I do not treat my wife exactly the same way she treats me. Sometimes, she makes some special requests that I would hardly make or her. Like driving her around because she is tired . Such requests are only made by her.

Gender roles are different and rather than claiming we should all be treated equally, my whole point is that our differences should all be accommodated in ensuring a peaceful soceity.

"Equality" as is pursued now is more about making different things the same - therein lies the rub. To do so artificial means there must be compromise, cost or sacrifice. Take this for example;

I always try and think big picture when it comes to strong families and flourishing societies. And this holds for questions about equality.

I’m all for equal opportunity for men and women, but I also want to know how this affects the whole family - including our children – and society.


In the UK, women Doctors have increased by 50% over the last 15 years or so, and it is projected that women will oustrip men in the profession in the not to distant furture. A a quarter or so work flexibly (P/T) and more than half ultimately leave the profession.

This means that health care delivery is severely impacted and the actual cost of providing it spirals upwards as basically, 2 women doctors have to be trained for every one actually required due to the attrition.

Further, studies show. that even where female Dr’s work F/T, they do not work as many hours as men. The practice of medicine has effectively been "feminised". With work practices changing to reflect their needs

Few GPs now offer out of hours services as routine, most visits are by appointment to accomodate flexible working, and there are longer queues for both appointment and emergency visits.

Given this, would it make sense - and ultimately ensure that a robust service was delivered - to have a form of customary discrimination in favour of men in the medical profession?

And what could be happening to the over 50% of them that leave the profession? Is it suitability, hypergamy or what exactly?



TV

aisha2:
If we recieve the same salary as men then we should be able to do same amount of work and not push our work over to our male colleagues because they may not have periods and all.

And that - I believe - is the point Nash is making, true equality understands and works with that fact of life. And it sees the bigger picture. Birth pains are for the long-term good and survival of us all.


TV

shymexx:
Lmao...if in 2014 folks on here don't even know what civilisation entails, and that it started in Africa - before spreading to the rest of the world. Then I actually feel sorry for humanity. I think I need to start examining the cerebral prowess of the kind of people I engage on here. Ignorance sometimes can be contagious. European men and women built civilisation - bwahahahahaha - FML!!

If we were to remove ancient Greece from the equation, because of its location in the Mediterranean, and the fact that those who built the Greek civilisation weren't of the same racial classification as today's Europeans (they were mixed and there were black Greeks) - then civilisation got to the rest of the world before Europe. The Indo-European migration wave started about 2500-3000 years ago. And world civilisation is more than 10,000 years old.

Furthermore, the genesis of today's western civilisation started after the Battle of Marathon. And it collapsed during the dark ages for 500 years. However, the Moorish (yes, Moors from Africa) and Arab influence in Iberia (Southern Europe), which they ruled for 500 years, with Islam (yes, the same Islam), kick-started the European renaissance with the help of the Christian crusaders. The knowledge of modern mathematics, science, astronomy etc. came from the Moors and the Arabs (yes, the same freaking Arabs we all despise today for being backward lol). Heck, the world map, and atlas Christopher Columbus used for his voyage to the Americas was a Moorish map. Even before the Europeans got to Africa during the slavery and colonisation era, they were loads of Kingdoms/Empires with great civilisations scattered across the continent.

Anyway, they need to start teaching you lot history in Nigeria. The ignorance on this forum sometimes is absolutely shocking. Missy89, you're also lacking in that aspect - hence we do disagree from time to time.

Study history, study history. In history lies all the secrets of statecraft. - Winston Churchill

You do appreciate this was wasted on about 50% of the posters here? It's a long way from saying "all Africans were barbaric savages before the white men" to what you have above. Anyway, best persevere - some of them will be raising children !


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aisha2:
Thank God for Equality, she should not get to go home because she has menstrual cramps except she has a medical report which says she cant work when she is on her period.

I don't agree - and that is not even what obtains in progressive places. Everyone has responsibility in determining their health/capability. True for some women it may be a chronic issue and documented, but for others it may vary in severity. If a woman says her cycle is causing her debilitating pain - debilitating enough for her to leave the office - off she goes, whether it's frequent or a one off. She may need medical sign-off for a longer absence, but as a man and a manager, I would not question that - I'd even be cautious if she had a history of malingering.

There are also differentials in "pain threshold" between men and women. I've had to re-orient myself away from "equality" in this regards with my wife. It would just be insensitive of me to do otherwise. And I'm also factoring in the differentials between men and othe rmen.

aisha2:
For the pregnant women, its unfair for her to come in once a month and it is allowed to slide. She can either take a sick leave or an extended leave if she is having a difficult pregnancy but not showing up or just showing up when she decides is not professional. I am a woman, I carry babies and that is not acceptable.

As per my first answer, if that is what she determines she is able to manage, then it slides. The business may take a view that she should just not bother and sign her off, but she doesn't get tagged in any way, if her presence is impacted by her condition.


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Kimoni:
Agree, at that point, she is something else but still a potential threat to the marriage.

Your second point is what i am driving at.

Agree with their points too but where I disagree is where you put blanket over it by saying a wife is never ever justified in confronting the mistress or potential threat as the case may be. It's not advisable in most cases but in some scenarios, it might just be the way out.

My second point is in relation to my first. If it's still at the shameless heffer stage and wife is with hubby, a withering put-down can end things.

Other than that, I think the wife should stay classy at all times and not sully herself by physically engaging the mistrss - it almost makes them competitors. Wives should never, ever elevate her or demean themselves.


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Sophyrocks:
You are the one who actually feasts on Garbage 24/7. That is why you could say women do not contribute to civilisation. That is why you wanna take credit for what you have no hand in. Have you invented anything? other than to come to Nairaland and spew rubbishhh and blow grammer about women!!! yad yada yada bla bla bla.....

Garbage in trash out...

Sophyrocks:
Whether you like it or not, no matter how you wanna deny it, africans have never been decently dressed!! Quit the blame game and improve yourselves instead. We are all hypocrites including you!! How can you say a man deliberately bringing out his genitals in the full glare of the public is not indecent exposure? How

Can you even define decency? And you are repeating your ignorance? Because body parts are unclad, is that prima facie confirnation of indecency/ Without consideration to the culture, context and setting (if this is sexualised, leads to promiscuity or molest etc.)

Sophyrocks:
If you also dnt have anything tangible or reasonable points to bring out, or you wanna keep whinning like little girl that you are, then Zip it and quit quoting me!!!

I can whine all I want too and I can quote you all I like - the only way to prevent that is to stop posting (and deactivate your account - you have a history of clangers) ! And as long as you spew ignorant rant filled garbage, I will - if I feel like - post tangible and reasonable rebuttals.

Your forefathers may not have been decent or moral or civilised, but mine were - regardless of the white mans arrival. Another self-loather.


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Kimoni:
What if the mistress is the one doing the chasing? And has been rebuffed by the man several times but she won't stop? Or perhaps, the girl doesn't even know he is married like cococandy's example in one of the threads?

Shouldn't the woman face the mistress in this kinda situations?

At that point she is not a "mistress" - just a shameless heffer !

If wifey is confident putting her in her place if an opportune moment arises, why not? I'd still prefer the man to be quite firm in rebuking her - and calling the authorities if need be.

@OP Aisha 2 & Bukatyne covered off most of what I wanted to say. I'd add these three points as to why a wife shouldn't

1. The mistress may be a black-belt in some oriental fightin style - or simply bigger, stronger and more visous than the wife.
2. She may not actually be "the mistress" in question - mistaken identity - or know he's married?
3. A weaker one - but it may actually be over and she may have repented


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