₦airaland Forum

sisisioge:
Hmmmm...

By the way, you do realize that only low esteemed people try to nurture their perceived ego, right? The real MVP dont struggle to be respected...it just falls on them like fresh air ni.

Good luck.

Thanks for contributing all the same.

bukatyne:
Which insults?

@bold, it is.

You would be proud of your accomplishments however, you must believe you are enough in yourself.

That uninspired07 stripped bare is sufficient. Obviously, you would work to deck yourself with whatever you deem fit: (financial stability, academic qualifications, etc.)

Enough in myself like how? Are mad men or agberos on the street of Lagos not enough in themselves? Do we all accord them respect?

The belief that undergirds your submissions is that a man must chase, give attention & be willing to face the vagaries unprotected whatsoever. You just like the feeling of having the power to treat men however you like while they are chasing you & some of us are not for that.

We prefer to face the chase with some dignity.

That’s where we differ in our beliefs

sisisioge:
Hmmmm...

By the way, you do realize that only low esteemed people try to nurture their perceived ego, right? The real MVP dont struggle to be respected...it just falls on them like fresh air ni.

Good luck.

Luring me to the slaughter right? Naaaahhh, I won’t fall for that.

If you respect me, it will show, if you don’t it will also show. I can then consider from there. But begging & working so hard without a defense is what I am averse to.

Toks2008:
Then go look for the money first.

I am on the path jareee,though it may tarry.

I can’t just face the wahala or begging.

bukatyne:
Frameable quote

I dont mean to spar with you but I think you just want men to face the vagaries of the chasing phase. It’s not all men that are that patient to chase, call and beg for a woman’s attention.

Some just prefer mutual attraction or knowing that their money is the attraction.

bukatyne:
I haven't told him to beg now, have I?

Begging for women's attention which is different from begging for a woman's attention and fleeing at the first sign of indifference are two sides of same coin:

Low self-esteem

So what? I should wait & bear the insults?

No. I rather face the insults with defence of my own, it will make me take a punch to the chin better.

Maybe my self esteem is tied to money, i didn’t know that’s low self esteem.

bukatyne:
@bold:

I change the 'may have low self-esteem' to you have low self-esteem.

You only have money to offer in a woman. I would advise you stick to a poor one without vision or a woman who only needs money in a man.

Trust me, if you deviate from these women and pick a woman looking for substance in a man, you would both be frustrated.

She doesn't need your money and need things money cannot provide because she has her own and/or doesn't care for material things.

[b][/b]This is a sisterly advise and you are lucky; this is Nigeria where a number of women only need/want money without substance.

Yes, I am speaking with Nigerian women in mind.

Of course my approach will differ if dealing with non Nigerian girls.

Thanks.

fykes:
Yeah... I care.. With experiences, I learn the lessons and dump d details

Ok then.

theButterfly:
Don't beg for or chase love. It's one of those things that come to you when you least expect it. With the right person it's accompanied by natural efforts and doesn't feel like work.

Why not? Being impolite isn't what makes you a man.

True.

fykes:
I learnt dat mistake via a bitter lesson,
Four years ago, I had everything a young man will want, a good job I loved, a house, a car and married to d love of my life and expecting a child.
Then my pregnant wife died. And I was lonely and bitter and angry and couldn't work. Then I got involved with a single mom just to have a semblance of that dream life I had, and that's how I opened the doors for the devil in my life.
Thank God I got out after 2 years and had to face the grief I was running from, dealt with myself and got straight again with life instead of chasing fantasies.
But two years is long enough to do damages...
Grief and loneliness can be terrible, but we just need toaccept and deal with it than seek other relationships

So sorry to hear about this. Care to go into specifics about what you faced in your relationship with the single mom?

bukatyne:
Well, Goodluck to you.

You will certainly attract the kind of women you deserve.

I rather seek refuge in money than “seeking” for women who are not motivated by money—because they do not exist in Nigeria.

Thanks all the same.

fykes:
If u have lived long enough u will notice that no matter how a person is, someone of d opposite sex must like and want them. Begging is a sign of weakness, women hate weakness in men.
Politeness is a virtue, virtues can't be wrong. Finally, a man's worth is not "intricately" connected to his economic value. That's a lie and an inadequate human view that breeds all d vices and monstrous attitudes we see in men today.
A man's value is in d depth of his convictions and the strength of his character.
A girl may not see this line of thought, a woman will definitely do and it's more than age- the difference between a girl and a woman.

I don’t see any difference between a girl or a woman in Nigeria ooo. If a man cannot hold his own financially, it will be difficult to maintain a relationship with a Nigerian female. That’s my belief sha....I might be wrong.

cococandy:

A man’s convictions & strength of character in Nigeria?

I rather stick to believe that a man’a value is tied to his economic value.

crackhaus:
Companionship is important, very important and if you're feeling lonely, then something is wrong and you must figure that out.

The mistake most men make is we often assume the cure to loneliness lies in having a female companion, this is very false and can lead you into the wrong woman. Try to get rid of your loneliness instead of accepting that you're fine with it, just don't make women the go-to alternative.

Hmmmm. I find partial pleasure in my work and reading but I can’t lie, I get lonely sometimes & need the feminine touch. I am not gay. I am just not ready to beg for one. The feeling has to be mutual.

My problem now is that I will feel more confident entering into a relationship with power of my own(money) due to my experience being a Nigerian. I am not ready or willing to enter into a relationship without money because my ego will now allow me face the consequence of that.

healthserve:
I'll talk about introversion later. And why excessive introversion is also low self esteem

I look forward to it.

Ladycewhy:
This is the mentality that has made all of you men think all you have to do is make money and you ignore other aspects of your character. Men think money brings resect from women,but the truth is if you are an asshole ,money will only make you be tolerated not Cherished.

Now there are two scenarios here, a man going broke after you met him and meeting a man while he is broke. This are two different scenario with two likely outcomes so do well to let me know which one you are making reference to.

Hmmmm, but...but, Nigerian women only want money. What are you talking about?

healthserve:
It means, there are ladies when] ou treat respectfully will consider you weak, and if you notice this, make sure you don't overlook it as they don't make good partners for the longterm. These kinds want relationships filled with abuse and drama and won't make healthy relationship companions. Trust me I've been there, there are woman that don't want smooth sailing relationships

I copy that.

healthserve:
Don't discard relationships before trying. Even while trying to protect your esteem, doing this amounts to the reverse, low self esteem. Remember balance is key

Thanks but how do I discard what I don’t have? It’s not like I arbitrarily terminate budding relationships. I just don’t bother to initiate one. Maybe I am trying to shield myself but I wouldn’t call it low self esteem.

bukatyne:
Might be a sign of low self esteem.

I was actually waiting for this. Why should I grovel before women when I know the eventual outcome?

Why don’t I bide my time & wait to be ready for a mutually respectful & rewarding relationship?

I have seen so many guys get hurt by trying to beg women. It simply doesn’t work.

cococandy:
Don’t beg for love.

You can do a chase. In a mature way. That’s different.

But all that’s begging and yapping about how you can’t live without her and bla bla bla , only reeks of desperation. frankly women don’t believe y’all when you do that.

Rare coming from a female. Thanks.

crackhaus:
You've become a made man bro, not in an economic sense but in the awake sense.

There's nothing wrong with you.
If you're going to beg for or indulge in anything in life, it must be something that improves your overall standing and worth to yourself and your closest friends/family.

Regarding your loneliness, try to seek out women who already have a soft spot for you, women who share some common interests with you. You don't need to be wealthy for this.
I have come to understand that the best relationships with the opposite sex are those that are not forced, those that start on a stable mould of genuine friendship - this is not a guarantee that you will live happily ever after, but it still beats having it any other way.
You must never beg or indulge a woman who has no interest in you.

My exact sentiments. I just needed reassurance. About the loneliness, I will just fine as I have been like this for a while. And note, it’s not like I am completely broke, I am just not where I would like to be, hence I don’t even bother initiating any relationship.

Thanks for your contribution.

healthserve:
Yw bro " Excessive politeness not just politeness", one last thing, anyone who can't receive good perks, politeness is unstable/psychologically unstable and should be broken off with as they won't/can't make stable longterm companions

I don’t understand this.

healthserve:
Same here. Relationship flings both ways. Don't beg anyone even in marriage. I've also begged in the past and what I've noticed is excessive good manners areal ways abused by the recipients. Hold off excessive politeness is one of the key to maintaining a black woman thesedays. Good treatment is always and always and always considered weakness

Exactly. I don’t even have any attention to give to any woman for now, except my mother ( I know this will attract insults, but it’s just the fact). Thanks for your contribution.

healthserve:
A bit overly-inflated ego. If you switch back ten degrees, you'll attain balance. Balance is key, but for the moment you're abit overly

Thanks. But having to beg is a big issue with me. I can’t just bring myself to begging and chasing. I am getting too old for that.

I find it hard exercising patience with, indulging or begging a woman. Once I sense a whiff of indifference or disinterest by a woman, I flee to protect my ego. It’s been eons I last asked a woman out and I get lonely at times, but I am used to my single state.

I firmly believe that a man’s value is inextricably tied to his economic worth so I don’t even bother to chase the opposite sex as I tried to when I was younger. This has discouraged me from initiating a chase as I think it won’t be worth it in the end as it will all end up with the money issue. Am I on the right path or do I try to temper my approach a bit?

Edit: What I am saying is that a man has to have some safeguards to cushion the effects of the chasing process. It’s not advisable to base your chase on just word of mouth. Going into battle with Nigerian women is better with a financial shield.

I initially planned to create a thread about my own personal issues until I saw Michellekabod2’s thread, which acted as a push for me to do this thread. I used to be a part of this forum but I deactivated. Being lonely is no joke and millions are lonely through no fault of theirs. Personally, I understand what Michellekabod2 is going through but mine is different because I am male & my circumstances are different. I have a warped perception of Nigerian women in particular and women in General. Nigerian women are all about money & what they can gain from a relationship, without even attempting to know a man. All they want is a rich, tall, “Godfearing man” ( not that they give a fvck about the man’s morals, they just slot that in to mask their hypergamy & covetousness). Also, women in general are incapable of giving love to men as they have none to give.

Fortunately for Nigerian women, most Nigerian guys are now getting to understand them for who they are & that is a bar to new relationships until when money is made—unless you can beg as a man. This brings in another issue that is personal, I cannot beg a woman. It is either the feelings are mutual—with a healthy dose of interest by the woman—or I wait till I have money to control the relationship. Unfortunately, the money is not there yet so I have to remain single until I have the money to commandeer a relationship. Make no mistake about it, money gives a man lots of confidence, irrespective of any opinion to the contrary. Unless of course you’re willing to beg a Nigerian woman & be her foot mat.

Another factor affecting relationships in Nigeria is that social media has poisoned the streams of love, thereby influencing the information young people receive about issues of the heart. For example, whenever I am bored, I come to romance and family section and I see a cacophony of opinions by feminists who broke shame men & say go make money, thus hardening the men & turning them to potential beasts who will maltreat women when they eventually make that money. Similarly, I see misogynistic comments from guys too who claim to be red pillers. While I partially endorse the principles espoused by Ubunja & Co, I think they are not applicable to the Nigerian society because of the widespread poverty prevalent here. No matter how “Alpha” you are, you won’t succeed with Nigerian women without money as that is all they are interested in. And I don’t blame them for that, the economy is too harsh and sex is the only bargaining tool for most of them. As a result of the outlined issues, the difficulty in getting into a relationship in this part of the world is further made Herculean.


In the end, we are all scared of being vulnerable and hurt so we erect invincible barriers around our hearts to protect against being victims of love. Hence I can understand why the median age for marriage (for men especially) in Nigeria is now 34 or mid 30s).

I would therefore counsel against insulting Michellekabod2 as her issues resonate with me, albeit different being a man. I think we are all being careful of opening ourselves up to relationships that may eventually hurt us. To be clear, if you are a Nigerian man intending to go into a relationship without a defence of your own(money), be ready for untold insults & suffering. You will have to beg throughout the relationship and that is not what a man with a healthy dose of self esteem wants to subject himself to.

As we head into the new year, I pray things look up for us individually so we can have healthier and genuinely loving relationships.

I welcome all comments, even snide or rude ones.