Hmmmm...

By the way, you do realize that only low esteemed people try to nurture their perceived ego, right? The real MVP dont struggle to be respected...it just falls on them like fresh air ni.

Good luck.

healthserve:



I went through hell and back before I realize some ladies were doomed for abusive partners as good mannered partners would be destroyed by them, hence fated conferred upon them abusive, wicked partners. It was upon this discovery I learnt not to overly criticise abusive husbands

Which is why I ALWAYS talk about the instigator and the perpetrator.

I have seen women dump nice guys (he is too gentle, he is too nice) to meet jagudas and abusive men (emotionally & physically).

I think the women are broken sha.

bukatyne:


The smart ones ensures that never happens. What hold would they have over the woman?

And only happens to the women who let it happen.

uninspired07:


So what? I should wait & bear the insults?

No. I rather face the insults with defence of my own, it will make me take a punch to the chin better.

Maybe my self esteem is tied to money, i didn’t know that’s low self esteem.

Which insults?

@bold, it is.

You would be proud of your accomplishments however, you must believe you are enough in yourself.

That uninspired07 stripped bare is sufficient. Obviously, you would work to deck yourself with whatever you deem fit: (financial stability, academic qualifications, etc.)

sisisioge:
Hmmmm...

By the way, you do realize that only low esteemed people try to nurture their perceived ego, right? The real MVP dont struggle to be respected...it just falls on them like fresh air ni.

Good luck.

Luring me to the slaughter right? Naaaahhh, I won’t fall for that.

If you respect me, it will show, if you don’t it will also show. I can then consider from there. But begging & working so hard without a defense is what I am averse to.

bukatyne:


Which insults?

@bold, it is.

You would be proud of your accomplishments however, you must believe you are enough in yourself.

That uninspired07 stripped bare is sufficient. Obviously, you would work to deck yourself with whatever you deem fit: (financial stability, academic qualifications, etc.)

Enough in myself like how? Are mad men or agberos on the street of Lagos not enough in themselves? Do we all accord them respect?

The belief that undergirds your submissions is that a man must chase, give attention & be willing to face the vagaries unprotected whatsoever. You just like the feeling of having the power to treat men however you like while they are chasing you & some of us are not for that.

We prefer to face the chase with some dignity.

That’s where we differ in our beliefs

bukatyne:


I haven't told him to beg now, have I?

Begging for women's attention which is different from begging for a woman's attention and fleeing at the first sign of indifference are two sides of same coin:

Low self-esteem

Lol, Buka trust me, most men know what indifference really implies.

Playing hard-to-get while maintaining a 'friendly' persona with a man interested in you, is not indifference.
Indifference would be complete disregard for the guy.

Spot the difference.

sisisioge:
Hmmmm...

By the way, you do realize that only low esteemed people try to nurture their perceived ego, right? The real MVP dont struggle to be respected...it just falls on them like fresh air ni.

Good luck.

Thanks for contributing all the same.

uninspired07:


I dont mean to spar with you but I think you just want men to face the vagaries of the chasing phase. It’s not all men that are that patient to chase, call and beg for a woman’s attention.

Some just prefer mutual attraction or knowing that their money is the attraction.

@bold, no vex, na night school I go.

Yes, I think men should do the chasing respectfully of course.

And you might need to chase some girls harder than others.

I however do not believe in chasing for eternity or trying to buy your way into the girl's heart through gifts.

Even if you are mutually attracted, you will still chase her aka woo her aka ask her out.

Maybe it is this generation of asking girls to come over on what'sapp that is spoiling things.

bukatyne:


Which is why I ALWAYS talk about the instigator and the perpetrator.

I have seen women dump nice guys (he is too gentle, he is too nice) to meet jagudas and abusive men (emotionally & physically).

I think the women are broken sha.

How generous of you. Broken isn't the word but damaged. These conditions that brings them into such conditions includes bad upbringing/family values brought about by family's upbringing/society/media or complete negligence. Having been in many relationships where ladies despised good treatment, it took me a while to conduct critical examination to understand what was happening.


One of such triggers that morphs these ladies to be the Narcissistic personality they transformed to is upbringing/negative expectations placed on relations that they would marry abusive partners so they tend to build and develop very toxic personalities even before relationships forms. So when these relationships develop they have toxic-expectancy and from an overly developed defense system they expect fight backs in their relationships and when it doesn't occurs, as a result of meeting good mannered men they become troubled and unsettled because they've conditioned themselves, albeit even unaware before the relationship came to being.


I consider these ladies ( not bashing females o, its just the reality) to become bored with good treatment, case study Sampson and Delilah. Hence while these women will/can become attracted to good men because of their laurels or some other good attributes the sustainability of such relationships involves a change in psyche (that is if they become aware to their toxic mannerisms) or for such women to be the ones who choose their partners.

My advice to men is not to choose women as women are fast becoming alpha/masculine thesedays, to go for the woman that chooses them, and not the one that chooses the woman. Because the longer term objective in relationships relies on the emotional stability, choice and resolve of the woman, as all these factors impacts massively on her emotional ( and other) investments in the companionship. Hence many woman will be doomed by their own fate to abusive partners



I went through hell to realize its a woman that owns a relationship not the man.



Cc Ubunja Harddon Martinez39 JonnySpute

cococandy:


And only happens to the women who let it happen.

Very true.

Which is why I tell women to choose their men well.

fykes:

I learnt dat mistake via a bitter lesson,
Four years ago, I had everything a young man will want, a good job I loved, a house, a car and married to d love of my life and expecting a child.
Then my pregnant wife died. And I was lonely and bitter and angry and couldn't work. Then I got involved with a single mom just to have a semblance of that dream life I had, and that's how I opened the doors for the devil in my life.
Thank God I got out after 2 years and had to face the grief I was running from, dealt with myself and got straight again with life instead of chasing fantasies.
But two years is long enough to do damages...
Grief and loneliness can be terrible, but we just need to accept and deal with it than seek other relationships

Glad you could share your story for other men to learn from your experience instead of making the same mistake before learning.

Seeking out relationships with the opposite sex is never a good substitute for loneliness, NEVER.

uninspired07:


Enough in myself like how? Are mad men or agberos on the street of Lagos not enough in themselves? Do we all accord them respect?

The belief that undergirds your submissions is that a man must chase, give attention & be willing to face the vagaries unprotected whatsoever. You just like the feeling of having the power to treat men however you like while they are chasing you & some of us are not for that.

We prefer to face the chase with some dignity.

That’s where we differ in our beliefs

And how does uninspired07 respect or lack of affect the agbero at Oshodi?

How does it affect MC Oluomo sending his kids abroad for educational tourism?

Bros, if you continue to base your worth on what people think about you, you never start.

Most people have bigger problems than yours and don't care about you.

Conduct yoursdlf in a respectful manner and anyone who doesn't comply, shame on them.

Treat men anyhow because I believe men should do the chase

uninspired07:


Luring me to the slaughter right? Naaaahhh, I won’t fall for that.

If you respect me, it will show, if you don’t it will also show. I can then consider from there. But begging & working so hard without a defense is what I am averse to.

Hmmm...if you are naturally worthy of getting the attention of the best in a pack...you would. In fact, you would command the attention of your kind who would not bring your esteem down simply because they recognize the social etiquette too. Eg, why would a woman want you to beg for her attention when your attention too is premium? This has nothing to do with age or the size of your pocket...it's all about being better. Remember how we loved to flock around the smart people in class back in the days, or how we loved the best in sport, or how we loved the best in the choir and of course how we loved the young MD who's attained the top? Yeah...we love those who are BETTER...

bukatyne:


Very true.

Which is why I tell women to choose their men well.

Choose their men well? I won’t say what comes to mind first. It is well.

I thank all those who’ve contributed to the thread. It’s been engaging & enlightening.

uninspired07:


Choose their men well? I won’t say what comes to mind first. It is well.

I thank all those who’ve contributed to the thread. It’s been engaging & enlightening.

Yes. It means go for women who come for you. I. E women who choose you over women you choose. It can be reversed to mean go to where you're celebrated and not where you're tolerated. Go for a woman who makes a move for you. Read threads by Harddon and Ubunja.

sisisioge:


Hmmm...if you are naturally worthy of getting the attention of the best in a pack...you would. In fact, you would command the attention of your kind who would not bring your esteem down simply because they recognize the social etiquette too. Eg, why would a woman want you to beg for her attention when your attention too is premium? This has nothing to do with age or the size of your pocket...it's all about being better. Remember how we loved to flock around the smart people in class by in the days, or how we loved the best in sport, or how we loved the best in the choir and of course how we loved the young MD who's attained the top? Yeah...we love those who are BETTER...

Ok, I have heard you. It’s not like I don’t have points to counter you but I defer to you.

I can’t really argue. Thanks all the same.

healthserve:



Yes. It means go for women who come for you. I. E women who choose you over women you choose. It can be reversed to mean go to where you're celebrated and not where you're tolerated. Go for a woman who makes a move for you. Read threads by Harddon and Ubunja.

Of course, I know Ubunja, his teachings are fairly true. And I support being the chosen one.

crackhaus:

Lol, Buka trust me, most men know what indifference really implies.

Playing hard-to-get while maintaining a 'friendly' persona with a man interested in you, is not indifference.
Indifference would be complete disregard for the guy.

Spot the difference.

I agree the two scenarios are different. Friendliness is key.

Well, I was wooed last about 14yrs back so I don't understand this new school things.

uninspired07:


Ok, I have heard you. It’s not like I don’t have points to counter you but I defer to you.

I can’t really argue. Thanks all the same.

You welcome...not trying to wear you out. Was just saying strive to be better and your kind will be honoured to be spotted by you. Cheers.

sisisioge:


You welcome...not trying to wear you out. Was just saying strive to be better and your kind will be honoured to be spotted by you. Cheers.

I am trying to be better quite alright. Thanks.

bukatyne:


I agree the two scenarios are different. Friendliness is key.

Well, I was wooed last about 14yrs back so I don't understand this new school things.

And he chased you, begged you, and devoted his time just to make sure you fall in love with him?

crackhaus:

And he chased you, begged you, and devoted his time just to make sure you fall in love with him?

I am waiting for bukatyne’s response to this.

uninspired07:
I find it hard exercising patience with, indulging or begging a woman. Once I sense a whiff of indifference or disinterest by a woman, I flee to protect my ego. It’s been eons I last asked a woman out and I get lonely at times, but I am used to my single state.

I firmly believe that a man’s value is inextricably tied to his economic worth so I don’t even bother to chase the opposite sex as I tried to when I was younger. This has discouraged me from initiating a chase as I think it won’t be worth it in the end as it will all end up with the money issue. Am I on the right path or do I try to temper my approach a bit?

Edit: I have been indoctrinated into the money first mentality, but the money is not there yet.

I don't understand your problem. Is it that you don't know how to approach and win over a woman? Is it that you have a weak ego? Is it that you feel lonely and that you accepted it? Is it that you feel unworthy because you don't have enough money? Is it that you don't believe in having a relationship without more money?

I feel you are very confused.

Mindfulness:


I don't understand your problem. Is it that you don't know how to approach and win over a woman? Is it that you have a weak ego? Is it that you feel lonely and that you accepted it? Is it that you feel unworthy because you don't have enough money? Is it that you don't believe in having a relationship without more money?

I feel you are very confused.

Go read my original post again. I have edited it.

Thanks for contributing.

uninspired07:
I find it hard exercising patience with, indulging or begging a woman. Once I sense a whiff of indifference or disinterest by a woman, I flee to protect my ego. It’s been eons I last asked a woman out and I get lonely at times, but I am used to my single state.

I firmly believe that a man’s value is inextricably tied to his economic worth so I don’t even bother to chase the opposite sex as I tried to when I was younger. This has discouraged me from initiating a chase as I think it won’t be worth it in the end as it will all end up with the money issue. Am I on the right path or do I try to temper my approach a bit?

Edit: What I am saying is that a man has to have some safeguards to cushion the effects of the chasing process. It’s not advisable to base your chase on just word of mouth. Going into battle with Nigerian women is better with a financial shield.

Since you have made up your mind that you need more money to be safe and to protect your ego in your perceived battle, you will have to go out and make more money. I don't understand how Nairaland will help you in achieving it.

crackhaus:

And he chased you, begged you, and devoted his time just to make sure you fall in love with him?

Haha. Crack my ribs. The modern women has gotten mad from too much knowledge and cant separate reality from illusion

Mindfulness:


Since you have made up your mind that you need more money to be safe and to protect your ego in your perceived battle, you will have to go out and make more money. I don't understand how Nairaland will help you in achieving it.

I know you are a combative person from my observation of this section. I will rue any argument with you so I defer.

Thanks for contributing.

uninspired07:


I know you are a combative person from my observation of this section. I will rue any argument with you so I defer.

Thanks for contributing.

Truth hurts.

Mindfulness:


Truth hurts.

" Perspectives "


CC : uninspired07

OP, that is definitely not a healthy dose of self esteem. You actually have a low self esteem. You define your worth based on opinions and materialistic things. What made you think that could ever be addressed as a healthy dose of self esteem?

healthserve:



" Perspectives "


CC : uninspired07

Bro, I just ignored her.

I know she’s a warrior here & me I can’t expend energy arguing with her back & forth.

I appreciate everyone that contributed to the thread.