₦airaland Forum

fieryy:
And when did I tell you to beg and stalk. Do that to me and your ass is getting blocked. I get irritated by such.

This doesn't change the fact that although, you want to act unbothered, you do care about what these girls think.

You said it yourself: "Once I sense a whiff of indifference or disinterest by a woman, I flee to protect my ego"

There are some people who truly are unbothered and there are some who want to ACT unbothered because they are SCARED of getting hurt. That Mr man is not a healthy dose of self esteem.

Even now, although YOU were the one that asked a question, you are only agreeing with those supporting you. Seems like you don't like being critized. That Mr man is not a healthy dose of low self esteem.

According to you, what makes you worthy of being loved is how much you have in your pocket


"I firmly believe that a man’s value is inextricably tied to his economic worth"

"This has discouraged me from initiating a chase as I think it won’t be worth it in the end as it will all end up with the money issue."

You seem to be the type, who attracts women with their money and convince themselves that they actually love them (instead of the money).

Do you boo-boo, but don't come here and create another thread with a title like 'Those hoes ain't loyal'

No no no, if I get a girl & marry after I get comfy or rich, I will accept it that she came for the money & will be in the marriage with that fact in mind. My eternal devotion will be to my children. I have never fooled myself about the love of women, in fact, I have accepted that women dont have love to give.

I am not deluded to think I can buy love with money ooo. I am too old to be that deluded.

healthserve:
Find the book, " Learning the act of not giving a fvck "

I have read it on my scribd subscription. Good book. Maybe I should go through it again.

Thanks.

thorpido:
They are there if you really look for them and ALLOW yourself to be found of them.Start by exercising patience with women,you need it and will need it else you will not be able to live peaceably with a woman.

Let me tell you my story,when i met my wife,she was dating a guy who worked in an oil company....good job,nice car etc.
I didn't have a car then but I got a good sense of humour,good character,'i let her be without trying to control her','i'm a peaceful person'.
She didn't think twice.........she said,'the money will come later'.

[i][/i]Make I no lie o,I don dey give up for Nigerian girls then too o so they my mama no wan make I travel out say she no say I go marry oyinbo.

[b][/b]

Mine has even given up. She only comes to beg me on special occasions like Christmas. I know she will beg me again this new year.

It’s well sha. But the zeal to do the hard work is gone.

God will help sha.

healthserve:
Read it over and over. It's the path to personal peace and liberty

I will but putting it into practice will be hard oo. I will ruminate on it though.

eniolorunfe:
Except all your friends and family are men, then you should know that there are good women out there, who seek out character in men and place that on a higher pedestal than money.

It's a battle out there...fine...but, BALANCE and WISDOM is Key. Know where to draw the line...Do not approach love relationships as a battle between men and women.

Ok. Thanks.

healthserve:
The highest form of mental freedom is the ability to not care, to not give a fvck who stays, and who leaves. I call it the perfect law of liberty. My brotherly counsel to you is to learn to personally create the feelings you hope to derive from a lover personally, and this way you won't be dependent upon external factors to i.e be happy/whom you want to be/what you want to be/loving/happy. What you place value upon externally yo derive a form of joy from, should be " carefully studied critically ", so they can be replaced internally and independently, so you can be happy,unlonely in the presence or absence of anyone.


I went through hell to learn this

Wow, so enlightening. Thanks a lot bro. Appreciate.

Twoclans:
A has never been important to me because I have always been a lady that has her money .

In school ,my father gave me money even when I dont ask.I was never broke .Right after school I started making money and I will continue to make money .You see my point .A guys money is in his pocket ohhhh .Nothing concern me.

Oya oooo, guys, rush into her DM & shoot your shot. We can never tell.

Nnemuka:
For me oo
give me a professional with small money sef

So many women are not after money, you guys just assume and it's bad.

How much is small money?

See, it’s ok to be all about money as a woman. It’s your nature. Just deny it so you don’t confuse young men any further.

crackhaus:
Then you might need to edit that post talking about 'politeness' to women, it will be misunderstood and you will be assumed to be a misogynist.

Not indulging women is definitely not the same as being rude or impolite...but believe me, the latter is the common interpretation.

I will change it to attention....that’s the word.

fieryy:
And I'm telling him he needs to swing.

Swing for what? So it’s better to beg?

I am not averse to a relationship with mutual attraction ooo but the begging & calling & stalking is what I am against.

Twoclans:
CDE

What about A? Is that not important in this country?

Ladycewhy:
yeah you don't do out much, even if you do,how many places can you be at the same time?how many people do you know?some churches even count "blessing of marriage" for people who are not financially buoyant.

It is well ooo.

Mindfulness:
Speaking of combative nature. The spirit of confusion.

OMG, you’ve completely got it mixed up but its alright.

healthserve:
Don't listen to jokers. Always take counsel with wisdom/care. If love was completely pure and free from selfishness as purported by these lots, mechanics will be getting married to lawyers every other weekend. Esteem,worth, social standing, wits wouldn't matter. But, we know what the reality is.

I know the reality out there. They can only mislead those who want to be misled.

I hold no grudge against women cos I have them in my family & I know their thought process.

Guess my modus operandi is what is rankling to some women on the thread. To each his own sha.

thorpido:
I find it exercising patience with,indulging and begging a woman

While I do not support begging for love,your first few words imply that the 'begging' here is not begging for love.It means more like deferring to someone.

What you actually mean to me is that you find it hard exercising patience with,indulging and deferring to a woman.
Something is definitely wrong with your perception of women and your position in a relationship.

Like someone already mentioned,money is good but the values and character of a man also matter and there are still Nigerian women who look out for such.

Where are the women who look out for such?

Abcruz:
If you think having a woman is the cure for loneliness, then you're in for a big shock.

If you think having money is the guarantee for a stable relationship then you're in for a bigger shock.

Morals: focus on what gives you joy.
That others are in relationships does not mean you must engage in one.
Beware of peer pressure.

This is true jareeee. Thanks.

Ladycewhy:
lol, maybe if you leave your keypad and go out more you will know. People who are way below middle class are settling down and raising a family. Mine is not a point of view but a fact except you are implying only rich men are getting married in Nigeria

Well, me I don’t see them marrying sha.

Maybe I don’t go out much.

healthserve:
Avoid people with combative psyche. Its only to prove a " forced " narrative, albeit forcefully, and not to share ideas/interact. You don't have low self esteem because someone assumes you do. It's not their call that makes you whatever you choose to be.

Abi ooo. I know her from this place so I am not taken unawares.

I don’t know why they feel a man who stays on his life & bides his time has low self esteem. Do they want men to keep disturbing them when there’s nothing to offer yet?

If so, it’s a rapid departure of the views usually by Nigerian women oo. But we are all learning sha.

eniolorunfe:
Too many generalisations...life is not just white and black, there are many shades of grey. You cannot keep on generalising, to suit your narrative and justify your actions.

For example, a lady with virtues and a
healthy self esteem would never settle for a man who is only polite to his mother.

In trying to be a tough man, you also need to be a GOOD person to attract good people into your life for love and relationships.

You attract who you are....

I don’t mean I will go out to be specifically rude to women but I won’t give them undue indulgence also.

I just maintain my lane & appreciate those who truly care like good friends & family.

It’s a battle out there.

fieryy:
OP, that is definitely not a healthy dose of self esteem. You actually have a low self esteem. You define your worth based on opinions and materialistic things. What made you think that could ever be addressed as a healthy dose of self esteem?

So what would you rather have me do? Open myself up to hurt when I might not be ready?

Is it not better I bide my time & get better?

Why do you all talk like we have model women out there? Don’t we all stay in Nigeria?

Some people have a low threshold of patience you know?

healthserve:
" Perspectives "


CC : uninspired07

Bro, I just ignored her.

I know she’s a warrior here & me I can’t expend energy arguing with her back & forth.

I appreciate everyone that contributed to the thread.

Ladycewhy:
but broke guys are getting married every Saturday in this country,who then are they getting married to?

Where are they getting married?

We are all stuck in our POVs so it’s pointless arguing any further.

Mindfulness:
Since you have made up your mind that you need more money to be safe and to protect your ego in your perceived battle, you will have to go out and make more money. I don't understand how Nairaland will help you in achieving it.

I know you are a combative person from my observation of this section. I will rue any argument with you so I defer.

Thanks for contributing.

Liposure:
Its definitely B and E.one, ladies crave attention so much.two, being romantic n caring is a plus from any lady's point of view

Are you male or female & do you stay in Nigeria?

Mindfulness:
I don't understand your problem. Is it that you don't know how to approach and win over a woman? Is it that you have a weak ego? Is it that you feel lonely and that you accepted it? Is it that you feel unworthy because you don't have enough money? Is it that you don't believe in having a relationship without more money?

I feel you are very confused.

Go read my original post again. I have edited it.

Thanks for contributing.

crackhaus:
And he chased you, begged you, and devoted his time just to make sure you fall in love with him?

I am waiting for bukatyne’s response to this.

Nnemuka:
And his senses intact

Lies. It’s all about the money for women in this country.

Let’s not even argue it.

The men have latched in to this mindset & are hard at work.

Whatever you see after, just take it.

sisisioge:
You welcome...not trying to wear you out. Was just saying strive to be better and your kind will be honoured to be spotted by you. Cheers.

I am trying to be better quite alright. Thanks.

healthserve:
Yes. It means go for women who come for you. I. E women who choose you over women you choose. It can be reversed to mean go to where you're celebrated and not where you're tolerated. Go for a woman who makes a move for you. Read threads by Harddon and Ubunja.

Of course, I know Ubunja, his teachings are fairly true. And I support being the chosen one.

sisisioge:
Hmmm...if you are naturally worthy of getting the attention of the best in a pack...you would. In fact, you would command the attention of your kind who would not bring your esteem down simply because they recognize the social etiquette too. Eg, why would a woman want you to beg for her attention when your attention too is premium? This has nothing to do with age or the size of your pocket...it's all about being better. Remember how we loved to flock around the smart people in class by in the days, or how we loved the best in sport, or how we loved the best in the choir and of course how we loved the young MD who's attained the top? Yeah...we love those who are BETTER...

Ok, I have heard you. It’s not like I don’t have points to counter you but I defer to you.

I can’t really argue. Thanks all the same.

bukatyne:
Very true.

Which is why I tell women to choose their men well.

Choose their men well? I won’t say what comes to mind first. It is well.

I thank all those who’ve contributed to the thread. It’s been engaging & enlightening.

MiddleDimension:
exactly my point, you are beginning to see the point i am making. so like it or not too, a man is first rated by what he has, not by anything he thinks of himself which is what you call self esteem, but by what he has materially. if he just goes on with what he has in his mind, and attempts to bring it into relationships or marriage, he will be met with rude shock and will be labelled deluded!

you agree that women are rated first for their looks, and you don't think men have an equivalent of of this unfair thing?

but like i said, if this is not denied, like you are trying to do, then the couple can be adviced when they get into a period the man loses his job, or the woman her looks. the result will be a better relationship between them.

This is what I was trying to say in my thread in the family section (you’d do well to check it out). There’s nothing like self esteem, they just want men to continue chasing them so they can rubbish men, while all they look for in a man is money. Now If a man desists from chasing them when he doesn’t have money, they will say he doesn’t have self esteem.

Such deceit for weak men. It’s not advisable to chase women when the money is not there. Just watch them from afar.