₦airaland Forum

Phew.seriously I almost got a heart attack.Cz its not good to jump from high school straight into marriage. Some experience in btw helps us be able to handle pressures in future especially in this crazy modern world which hs no comparison with the days our parents grew. Community set up saved many marriages then.
Nowadays its you,your dog or cat and your God.

Well that said,still consider the above. Mums can at times be difficult but they are the first we will run to when things hit rockbottom in marriage.
Find out whats in her heart that makes her reason like that.

I just checked your profile!! Are you 20?? ONLY??
Good Lord. okay can you please take your time before you leap into marriage?
You got a job? I mean at 20, I wasnt even sure what I wanted to study.
If its my sis I would beg her to wait a bit.
All talk to you about this when you hit 25
cya.

Dear Dear Dilema,

Okay don't fuss much about him not returning your call. Only 0.001% of men are good at calling back all the time so, dont fret its their nature i think.Focus on what is key.
I would like to believe you are not below 25 yrs, in other words you are mature enough to make your own decision concerning your life and ready to handle pressures that come with making major decisions.
I have no solution.That rests with you finally cz you have to be responsible for your actions and not blame anybody for your choice.

Ask yourself a few things like;

1. What are you looking for in a partner compare the 2 men's character.
2. Who is getting married here?? are you trying to please somebody else by letting them decide for you or you choose according to your heart's desire and God's will?
3. I dont know Imo or tht other place.But for heavens sake,arent we all God's creation? Can you break that mentality that says you can't marry or do business from a certain community cz of abcd.There's always a remnant left even if that community is full of witches.
4. Ask yourself why your mom prefers the other guy.Is there something she knows that you do not? She could be right you know.
5.Is your dad alive or if he doenst live with you guys,what is his opininon?? Does he agree with your mum? What about an uncle.Its not bad again to just hear what a close relative thinks about somebody.That doesnt mean we let them choose for us.Its just wise counsel we need.
6.If the single man is say 38 yrs and you 23? well well.Its a big gap but it can work still.Hes just mature in his reasoning, so if you are still all 'girly' and stuff then you may find him too old for you and your interests may differ. But it can work for sure.Girls mature fast.

I like the fact that the older guy loves you and knows how to take care of you.BUT note this.At 15 yrs older he knows how to please a lady. what makes you tick.
The other guy, mmh let him come home then you will see the type of character.This online dating hides a lot of things about people.
He could be good but just youthful.
God help you.

Define something else. how do you go about doing 'something else? cz we are just assuming here

WHO HAS THE ADDRESS OF THE UNITED NATIONS?? OR YOU THINK AFRICAN UNION CAN SOLVE THIS??
ANYBODY CAPABLE OF BRINGING KING SOLOMON BACK TO LIFE

B4 smbody gets confused by that kampala discordant couple story ;Lemmie expound.

Mike (hubby) claims he was was a virgin b4 marriage.
Mary was constantly exposed to HIV b4 and by doing so,developed immunity though she was a carrier
When they married,James automatically contracted since he had no exposure to sex b4 let alone HIV.
But the wife tested negative!!.She's just a carrier and therefore like a mosquito transmitting malaria.

In this posters story.I hate to speak my mind but there are 2 facts here

1.He may be the carrier(if he was constantly exposed ie) and therefore infected her and caused her to be positive. Dude dont celebrate yet.
2.She may be the carrier then after she stopped being exposed for a while she developed the Aids itself and therefore the dude must be infected and  need thorough checkup.
3.The only reason he may be negative is if he himself has been a carrier too(that means he too played the game,was constantly exposed) and now hes met another like him.
  In other words[b] carrier + carrier = negative.[/b]

Oh how I hate describing this.
God reigns

Discordant couples
Kampala  
1. MARY, 35 and Mike, 45 have been married for 16 years and have four children. Until recently, they did not know Mike was HIV-positive. When Mike was tested for HIV at a mobile counselling and testing centre, he did not believe his results. He said before marriage, he had never had sex.
"May be it is my wife who infected me." However, when Mike and his wife tested together, she turned out to be HIV-negative. This situation where one partner is infected with HIV and the other one is not is called HIV discordance.

2.A group of women thought to be immune to HIV have now become infected, causing dismay to scientists hoping to develop an Aids vaccine.
It was thought that exposure to HIV on a regular basis created immunity, but six women previously thought to be resistant are now HIV-positive.
The women are all former love-peddlers who have since left the business. Researchers at Oxford University have been monitoring 43 love-peddlers constantly exposed to HIV who had not been infected.

Scientists now think immunity may be reliant on continued exposure - once regular contact with HIV stops, immunity is lost implies that to maintain immunity, you need to have continual exposure
 
Sarah Rowland-Jones, a researcher at Oxford University, described the development of HIV in the six women as "dismaying". She added: "This implies that to maintain immunity, you need to have continual exposure."

Jeeez!!! and all along I thought you were a lady!!! just checked your profile and saw a dude!! no you are f.These profiles confuse

@ BABE !!!! LMAO.
Oh dear God your really funny.
I must log off b4 my ribs burst now.you killed me.

right

mmh well not a bad idea.really. But look at all the options.A typical man will not want the wife to like 'help 'him get a job when he already got one.Correct me there (its just a thought). its an ego thing.Then picture this. Suppose after all that sweat ,the dude gets promotion at his work place !!!! and decides he cant move!!!

@pharo

Yes,

When for instance a woman barren say for 20 years finally after much prayer and fasting conceives.Then the baby dies a month after birth !!
Now at that moment though shes christian, God's words and promises dont make much sense.Now that dont mean that she has lost faith or God is a liar.
It just shows how frail we are as humans.
eg.When you lose all your family members at one go yet all of you were firm believers. Does anything make sense at thet time? No
But God doesnt change either.He remains sitted on the throne. Tht is what I meant.

@ Pharoh,
Have you ever been in a place where the word of God doesnt seem to make sense? It happens at times when we want an excuse to justify our actions.
In marriage there comes that time when things get soo bad thet nothing makes sense and you dont really care.
She also has scriptures to justify herself same to the hubby.Its a scripture versus scripture battle. Each claims God is on their side.

@ izeek.
thank you for this,your post is a close realtive to the one I posted about 'sacrifice'.You may even read the replies and I tell you its very complex cz evry answer is justified. I stil dont have the answer myself.

@ babyboy.assume it was the other way round.Would you let go that dream job to stay home and raise family? Are you really sure you will nevr regret it especially when the 'honeymoon is over ,no more lovely dovey feeling.When you have a kid that you cant afford to pay fees cz the money aint enough for etc etc.
It would take a REAL MAN to bear that.

she packed and left.the guy is an emotional wreck now.lost a wife and kid. now left wth his gay partner!!!!!!!!!

Okay lemmie clarify this. since its a couple I know of and they are in church.The lady was working/studying too while they dated with the hope of advancing careerwise.

1. The man can't leave his secure job however low paying to go be a house husband.What guarantee is there tht he will get a job,dont 4get its only  a 5 year contract so giving up on his job isnt easy.And who said he cant be promoted??

2.Imagine what would happen if the wife doesnt go.Will you as a man live wth the guilt of having let a dream career for your spouse fly away Dont u think she will keep blaming you and reminding you of that for the rest of your life

3.Suppose you struggle financially.She wil always use that to justify herself.Now tht can really weigh down a man.

4.They dont live in Nigeria but Africa.