₦airaland Forum

@mode.wap There is no government-run institution/program that is free from the 'oga at the top' influence. But there are people who got this scholarship on merit and they don't deserve to be treated this way. My former classmate who is very brilliant is on this scholarship in Russia and is facing this situation now. They should be given what is due to them. If the govt cannot maintain the programme, let them scrap it or let them tell everyone that it's only for children and relatives/friends of the rich and 'ogas at the top'

Braggante: Go to any police station, tell them you want to be deported home.
Or pack your bags, go to the immigration office and register your displeasure with the country. Remember to tell them youre a Nigerian. Im sure you will get a free ticket home.
Then come home, dust your cv and join us to vote out PDP next year.
Best of luck!

I don't see how that is the solution to the problem at hand. What has political party got to do with this? What is going to be on their CV? Incomplete degree? This isn't just about the overseas students because even in the country, people's allowances are delayed sometimes. This is about how the people in authority (regardless of political affiliation) carelessly and heartlessly manage the affairs of their fellow countrymen. It shows the selfishness and lack of concern displayed by a typical (nigerian) public office holder. And the annoying part? There will always be something to blame these anomalies on.

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We all have difficult people we need to deal with in our lives on a daily basis. While such characteristics may be exaggerations, you may find traits of them in a few of the people in your workplace, amongst your friends, or even a loved one.
1. The Hostile Co-worker or Boss/family member
Dealing with hostile people requires both tact and strength. Since persons who feel they have been wronged are more likely to be belligerent and violent, you should first try to be sure they have been dealt with fairly.

In addition, it would be wise to help them meet as many of their needs as possible without reinforcing their aggressiveness or discriminating in their favor. Likewise, avoid interactions with them that encourage intense emotions or threats of violence. Certainly do not interact with your angry “enemies” when they are drinking or carrying weapons. Say or do nothing that would incite more anger or, on the other hand, cause you to appear to be scared, weak, and a “pushover.”

In most cases, strong retaliation against an aggressive person is the worst thing you can do. Nastiness begets nastiness. Hostility escalates. Threats of punishment may also work. Remember punishment is only effective while the punisher is observing — watch out for subtle rebellion.

If you can divert the angry person’s attention to some meaningful task or a calm discussion of the situation, the anger should subside. Also, offer him/her any information that would explain the situation that upsets him/her. Point out similarities or common interests between him/her and the person they are mad at (you). Let him/her see or hear about calm, rational ways of resolving differences. Almost anything that gets him/her thinking about something else will help.

2. The Chronic Complainer
What about the chronic complainers? They are fault-finding, blaming, and certain about what should be done but they never seem able to correct the situation by themselves. Often they have a point — there are real problems — but their complaining is not effective (except it is designed to prove someone else is responsible).

Coping with complainers involves, first, listening and asking clarifying questions, even if you feel guilty or falsely accused. There are several don’ts: don’t agree with the complaints, don’t apologize (not immediately), and don’t become overly defensive or counter-attack because this only causes them to restate their complaints more heatedly. Secondly, as you gather facts, create a problem-solving attitude. Be serious and supportive. Acknowledge the facts. Get the complaints in writing and in precise detail; get others, including the complainer, involved in collecting more data that might lead to a solution. In addition to what is wrong, ask “What should happen?” If the complainer is unhappy with someone else, not you, you may want to ask, “Have you told (the complainee) yet?” or “Can I tell __________?” or “Can I set up a meeting with them?” Thirdly, plan a specific time to make decisions cooperatively that will help the situation…and do it.

3. The Super-Agreeable
What about the persons who are super nice and smilingly agree with your ideas until some action is required, then they back down or disappear. Such people seek approval. They have learned, probably as children, that one method for getting “love” is by telling people (or pretending) you really care for and/or admire them. Similarly, the super-agreeables will often promise more than they deliver: “I’ll get the report done today” or “I’d love to help you clean up.” They are experts in phoniness, so don’t try to “butter them up.”

Instead, reassure the super-agreeable that you will still like them even if they tell you the truth. Ask them to be candid and make it easy for them to be frank: “What part of my plan is okay but not as good as it could be?” Help them avoid making promises they can’t keep: “Are you sure you can have the money by then? How about two weeks later?” Tell and show them you value their friendship. Let them know you are ready to compromise because you know they will be more than fair.

4. The Know-It-All Expert
Know-it-all experts are of two types: the truly competent, productive, self-assured, genuine expert and the partially informed person pretending to be an expert. Both can be a pain.

The true expert may act superior and make others feel stupid; they may be bull headed and impatient with differing opinions; they are often self-reliant, don’t need or want any help, and don’t want to change. If you are going to deal with the true expert as an equal, you must do your homework thoroughly; otherwise, they will dismiss you. First of all, listen to them and accurately paraphrase their points. Don’t attack their ideas but rather raise questions that suggest alternatives: “Would you tell me more?” or “What do you think the results will be in five years?” “It probably isn’t a viable choice but could we consider…?” Secondly, show your respect for his/her competence but don’t put yourself down. Lastly, if the expert can not learn to consider others’ ideas, you may be wise to graciously accept a subordinate role as his/her “helper.” True experts deserve respect.

The pretentious-but-not-real expert is relatively easy to deal with because he/she (unlike liars or cons) is often unaware of how little he/she knows. Such a person can be gently confronted with the facts. Do it when alone with them. Help them save face. They simply want to be admired.

5. The Pessimist
Another “burden” to any group is the pessimist –the person who always says, “It won’t work” or “We tried that.” These angry, bitter people have the power to drag us down because they stir up the old pool of doubt and disappointment within us. So, first of all, avoid being sucked into his/her cesspool of hopelessness. Don’t argue with the pessimist; don’t immediately offer solutions to the difficulties predicted by the pessimist.

Instead, make optimistic statements — showing that change is possible — and encourage the group to brainstorm leading to several possible alternatives. Then ask what are the worst possible consequences of each alternative (this gives the negativist a chance to do his/her thing but you can use the gloomy predictions in a constructive, problem-solving way). Also ask, “What will happen if we do nothing?” Finally, welcome everyone’s help but be willing to do it alone because the pessimist won’t volunteer.

6. Maybe Person/The Staller
Procrastinates in hope that a better choice will present itself
Indecisives, or Maybe Persons , are very helpful people; however, they put off making decisions which might upset someone. The serious problem here is that indecisiveness can work – most unmade decisions become irrelevant through time. For them , not making a decision is a compromise between being honest and not hurting someone.
Unlike the super-agreeable, the staller is truly interested in being helpful. So, make it easier for him/her to discuss and make decisions. Try to find out what the staller’s real concerns are (he/she won’t easily reveal negative opinions of you). Don’t make demands for quick action. Instead, help the staller examine the facts and make compromises or develop alternative plans (and decide which ones take priority). Give the staller reassurance about his/her decision and support the effective carrying out of the decision.

7. The “NO'' Person
This guy is able to defeat big ideas with a single syllable - 'No'. He is deadly to morale. He is very much like the pessimist.

Source: Psychcentral.com

Which of these have you interacted with and what was your strategy?

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It is not uncommon to have people coming to someone's house unannounced. Some persons don't have any problem with it but there are others who feel that the visitor should pre-inform them before coming.

I would prefer a prior notice before one visits. This is because the person may not meet me at home or I may not be in a position to entertain visitors at that time. A prior notice will enable me receive you better. Personally before I go visiting someone, even my friends, I first of all call them to know whether or not they are at home and not busy. I think this is common courtesy.

What is your view on this?

Not good

As Nigerians, we have very close family ties and as a children, we were raised to honor this tradition.
And since this is a big part of our cultural upbringing, it is often considered inappropriate to decline giving financial support to family members and relatives.

Lending out money or giving financial support to family members and relatives is often an emotional experience. Nevertheless, we should learn how to handle the situation as objectively as possible. By letting our emotions and pity control our decisions, we could end up in our own financial mess.

So how do we carry ourselves when faced with a family member or relative who’s asking for financial support?

Listen with an open heart and empathize
If you’ve experienced being asked for money by a relative, you’ll know that these situations typically start with the telling of a sad story. Listen with an open heart and empathize but do not promise anything. Show genuine concern and ask questions so that you’ll fully understand the circumstances that led them to ask for your help.

After that, tell them that you would need some time to think about it. Be clear that the reason why you’re asking them to wait is because you want to assess your finances. Make them understand that you’re currently not in the best position to commit to anything.
Furthermore, be sure to give them a reasonable date when you’ll have your decision and offer to be the one to call them on that day. Doing so will lessen their anxiety and likewise assure them that you are sincerely willing to help.

Assess your own financial situation.
Your next step is to naturally assess your own financial situation if you could afford to give your support. Again, we realize the value of tracking our expenses and the importance of having a personal budget.
You should also be aware that it may seem that you can afford to lend out the money now but don’t forget to consider your needs in the coming weeks or months.
Once you have thoroughly assessed your financial capabilities and found out that you could afford to extend your help, and then arrange to make the payment directly to their need.

What does this mean?
In some cases, rather than giving the person money for tuition for instance, you can write out a cheque payable to the school. Likewise, rather than giving the person allowance for books and other school requirements, you can ask the person to give you the list so you can buy them personally.

This will ensure that your hard-earned money is being put to proper use instead of being spent on unnecessary expenses.

Don’t expect to be paid back.
Even though they might say that they will return the money someday, in most cases, it never happens.
Whatever financial support you extend should be considered a gift rather than a loan. This way, you avoid family rifts and unnecessary feuds. If you cannot afford to lose the money, then the best option might be to offer non-monetary support.

How to say NO when you don’t have.
So what should you do if after seriously considering your personal finances, you found out that you cannot afford to help? How do you say NO?

First, make them understand your situation and explain to them your own financial goals. Be sincere and diplomatic.

Second, be willing to offer support in another way such as helping them find income opportunities and teaching them financial responsibility.
To restate a famous saying, “Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you have fed him for a lifetime. But teach a man to sell fish and he will eat steak.”

Some reasons why people don’t want to help relatives.
-Some relatives tend to abuse ones’ generosity and start relying on your support as their own means of livelihood. You want to be able to help them out in emergencies, but you never want to find yourself in a situation where your finances are being relied upon to keep members of your extended family afloat.
-Some have not learnt financial responsibility. They mis-spend money in many ways.

(Original article by Fitz Villafuerte)

What are your thoughts and experience on this topic?

Most wives work in an office called the HOME. It is an office where some men prefer to run away from.

This is a nice piece. Someone once said 'if you could kick the person who is responsible for most of your problems in the groin, you wouldn't be able to sit for a month' Much necessity lies on us to improve ourselves.

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Olarewajub: Lol @ vikel2104 . I read everything and even expecting more. 93% of introvert are currently indoor. #IntrovertFact.

ok. I'll post more later because now I need full attention to accomplish the next task on my indoor schedule - watching a movie.

The thing that baffle me is that an introvert tends to understand people but yet they're the most misunderstood. I tend to sense peoples' feelings but when it comes to mine, they don't even care to know. Another thing is that an introvert tends to understand and get clues quickly. So it pisses me off sometimes when people cannot understand seemingly simple things. I guess it has to do with our ability to think deeply. I prefer thought-provoking discussions rather than empty chatter. That's why some people cannot discuss with me because i don't like shallow talk and that's what most people engage in. Let's just say I love depth in everything I do. I love to ask the question 'why?' before I do things but people would prefer that I go with the flow and just do what everyone is doing. I have a way of revealing myself to people depending on who it is. If I meet a total stranger who I'm most likely never going to see again, I could chat and act like an extrovert. But if I'm most likely going to be seeing the person often, I show them my real introverted self with the mind that with time they'll see that that is how I am and those who accept me will finally make friends with me. Over the years I've come to be able to talk in front of people but I'm still not very comfortable when it's impromptu. If I'm told to teach something, I go the extra mile to make sure you undertand because I don't like the thought that i've wasted my time, my precious time. Staying indoors? Oh there is nothing as blissful as my 'me time' I hate noise more than anything. (sorry for the long unparagraphed post. But being an introvert I know you had the patience to read through it)

Mine...I have fear of heights, steep slopes, reptiles (i hate lizards, geckos and snakes!) I used to fear the dark a lot when I was a kid but that doesn't mean I will purposely plunge into the dark now! And sometimes I'm plagued with the fear of failing at something for no reason.

A phobia is a persistent, irrational, and excessive fear of an object or situation. Common phobias include agoraphobia and social phobias.
If you have a phobia you will experience a deep sense of dread, and sometimes panic, upon encountering the source of your fear. It is a psychological phenomenon according to medical experts.
Here is a list of some of them.
Achluophobia - Fear of darkness.
Acrophobia - Fear of heights.
Aerophobia - Fear of flying.
Algophobia - Fear of pain.
Agoraphobia - Fear of open spaces or crowds.
Androphobia - Fear of men.
Atelophobia - Fear of imperfection.
Atychiphobia - Fear of failure.
Autophobia - Fear of being alone.
Bathmophobia - Fear of stairs or steep slopes.
Bibliophobia - Fear of books.
Cyberphobia - Fear of computers.
Cynophobia - Fear of dogs.
Gamophobia - Fear of marriage.
Glossophobia - Fear of speaking in public.
Gynophobia - Fear of women.
Hemophobia - Fear of blood.
Herpetophobia - Fear of reptiles.
Hydrophobia - Fear of water.
Iatrophobia - Fear of doctors.
Necrophobia - Fear of death or dead things.
Noctiphobia - Fear of the night.
Nosocomephobia - Fear of hospitals.
Nyctophobia - Fear of the dark.
Pedophobia - Fear of children.
Philophobia - Fear of love.
Scolionophobia - Fear of school.
Somniphobia - Fear of sleep.
Tonitrophobia - Fear of thunder.
Trypanophobia - Fear of needles / injections.
Venustraphobia - Fear of beautiful women.
Verminophobia - Fear of germs.
Wiccaphobia - Fear of witches and witchcraft.
Xenophobia - Fear of strangers or foreigners.
Zoophobia - Fear of animals.

Which of these is your phobia?

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This is very bad. Detainees are also people with families somewhere. This only happens because in this country, once someone is convicted of a crime, we wish them dead forgetting that we are all humans and are capable of doing bad things at one point or the other. This is inhumanity at it's peak and all for what? Money! People's conscience now has a price tag and once they get the money, they sell it out. The most dangerous man is the man without a conscience.

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Good. Just be open to suggestions but don't let anybody's word be final. Think for yourself too.

Employees can either get paid by the hour or by a monthly salary.
An employee who is on hourly wage gets paid according to the number of hours he works (overtime is considered) while a salaried worker gets a specified amount at the end of the month regardless of the number of hours spent on the job (there is no regard for overtime here but there can be additional allowances). This is just a sketchy description of the two ways of remuneration. Now, let's consider the two.

Which is better for the employee and the employer?

Which makes workers more productive?

Which gives more job satisfaction?

We are suffering from an epidemic for which we don't have a vaccine. To date, no known researcher has trying to find a cure, but the outbreak is rampant and unavoidable. The case is known as African Time. No one has reported any deaths resulting directly from African Time, but thousands of people report headaches, delays, missed opportunities and schedule changes daily.

African Time is the tendency to a relaxed, indifferent attitude towards time and starting events or arriving at meetings/classes/parties at their scheduled times. It is the acceptance that nothing will start at the absolute time indicated on the schedule. It is holding a University class for 10 a.m. and the professor repeatedly showing up at 10:15. It is going to see a play at the theater that says 7 p.m. on the ticket, and characters take the stage at 7:30. You will never see an event in Nigeria that starts at 9:15 or 5:45, none of those odd number times. Events are scheduled on the hour because it is simply understood that the chance of people arriving exactly 15 minutes past nine is miniscule. People indicate start times on posters or invitations a full hour before they intend to really start anticipating people will be that late. You frequently see “6 p.m. prompt” on invitations- a valiant effort to curb the tardiness. Ironically, Nigerians love watches. Boys are always walking through traffic selling sleek knock-off watches, but apparently the time pieces don’t serve such a practical purpose. Not every institution or person runs on this leisurely clock, but it is clearly visible everyday and sometimes inevitable because of society.

The tricky thing about African Time is you know it will be late, but you don’t know exactly how late. 10 minutes? 20? 40? It can be a very problematic guessing game sometimes.

There is truly nothing more annoying than to receive an invitation to an event and, when you arrive at the venue, there is hardly anyone there, not even the host. Invariably, if you bother to call them to find out why they are late, they tell you that they are around the corner, or the perennial favourite, they are five minutes away. Of course, that always turns out to be untrue and you end up waiting and wondering why they did not just choose a time they could manage.
What is particularly distressing is that the African Time bug has arrived at many schools. As you drive past a school you see a group of children casually walking over well past the official starting time. The child that has not been taught respect for time cannot possibly learn anything. The tragic thing is those who arrive late are invariably the first to leave. For some strange reason, they are always pressed for time when it comes to leaving their office or an event. That’s the only time you will discover that they actually own a watch.

According to one Ghanaian writer, "one of the main reasons for the continuing underdevelopment of our country is our nonchalant attitude to time and the need for punctuality in all aspects of life. The problem of punctuality has become so endemic that lateness to any function is accepted and explained off as "African time".
World economic studies and survey some years back shows that Nigeria is the second highest country in the world with the highest man-hour lost in all government official transaction. What an enormous economic waste! From experience, the ONLY time ‘African time' is not applicable in Nigeria is when it's time to share "some" MONEY! That is when "delay is dangerous"! The first obstacle to the development of Nigeria and Africa is the low value placed on time; we're blight with lukewarm attitude towards time, we take joy dishonouring appointment, waste other people's time, negative attitude in fixing appointment. Our comfort with 'African time' is now a disease eating the fabric of our development. A stitch in time saves nine, but our stitches only save one, maybe nothing. Opportunity lost cannot be regained; we should make hay while the sun shines as delay is always dangerous, not only in sharing money but in working for the money.

Share your views on this subject.

Credits to C. T. Harshman, R. Adewumi, V. Dlamini for their articles on the subject.

Unless you want to lose some years of your life by travelling back to the past to reopen and nurse your hurt. If not, forgive the person and move on. If the person is penitent for his/her past behaviour, forgive but even if he/she isn't, leave the person to his/her conscience. Revenge is not sweet as people think. It doesn't change anything. It may be hard but for your own sake, let it go.

Now this fight is getting dirty. Whatever happened to professional decorum in handling matters. At this point one doesn't care to know the outcome anymore. Just get back to work already!

@mutuw.a. No I'm not getting into one. Good to know it worked for you.

It might sound kinda old fashioned to think/talk of an arranged marriage but it's a reality that many people still have to deal with for the next couple of years, that is, if it will ever stop. There are various reasons why parents try to arrange marriages for their children.

Many people are of the view that such a marriage is a failure from start. Some others believe it's a game of luck just like all marriages which could succeed or fail.

Now let's look at it and discuss.
What are really the chances of such marriages succeeding? Life examples would be a plus.

It is common practice for parents to want to leave something for their children so that they can have a good future. Often times some children tend to plan their future success on the family inheritance and because of this, some of them don't want to do something for themselves.
For instance, you have this guy who is just waiting to take over his father's business and you also have this other guy who is waiting to take over his father's house when the man is no more.

What is your say on this issue?

Hold him tight.

ok

more comments please..

Good piece. My parents have been very much on the supportive side. Although we've had cause to disagree on certain things, we finally reach a compromise. But I know of one of my former school mates who was asked to marry some few years after secondary school. I don't think at that time he had started any tertiary education program. In his early twenties he had to marry because he was the only son. You know this thing about preserving lineage. Yeah, some parents really take it seriously. I've not had contact with him since then but most of us believed that it wasn't the best thing for him at that time. I don't know whether he's enjoying or regretting the outcome but he wasn't really given much of a choice to decide for himself.

They should all reach a compromise for the sake of the oaths they all took. Everyone should respect himself and stay within his job description. None of them is unimportant and none of the members of the team should consider another as such.