₦airaland Forum

Tascocent: I'm tired of dis dettol advert. Children now believe they are germs every where. My 5yrs old nephew goes around wit a dettol pet can in his pocket. He sprinkles his friend b4 playing wit them, even his books b4 reading. This Morin my Rice tasted Awful, i took a few spoon b4 i realised my nephew had poured dettol in my food to kill germs............IF MY NEPHEW doesn't KILL ME, WHO WILL.

I will *grins*

Nice but old

macricky: guy am an arsenal fanz so neva put wata inside kerosine u dy hear me so OBJ as our manager God4bid may di matteo z nt a gud coach chelsea wil b 9ice 4 Obj bt neva mind 9ice joke

Haha i hear u

Laitesmart: Na PASSAGE...

Could you also expansiate pls

Obinnau: my 2cents. Message is d ansa

Can u expansiate on that

Laitesmart: Na PASSAGE...

Obinnau: my 2cents. Message is d ansa

Can u expansiate on that

Two guys of about
26 years who were
selling recharge
cards by the road
were always
seeing an old
woman passing by
everyday going
and coming from
work.
They were now
wondering why the
old GRANNY is till
going to work
walking very well,
instead she should
be enjoying her
pension fee at
home.
One day they saw
her passing by and
decided to ask:
Boy 1: ''sorry mom
can I ask you?''
Old woman: ''sure
you can ask''
Boy 1: ''what do
you eat which
keeps you strong
& energetic like
this at this age?''
Old woman:
''everyday before I
go to work, I take
2 bottles of hot
staff wine, 3 balls
of marijuana then
2 teaspoons full of
cocaine.
Boy 2: ''wait! How
old are you?''
Old woman: '' 25 '

Abeg, Please, you
people should help
me Solve this
Riddle if you're a
Genius.
I'm a 7 Letter
Words,
You Read me daily,
My
5, 6, 7th Letter
increases every
Year.
3rd and 4th Letter
are the Same. My
3rd, 2nd
and 5th Letter
Covers 75% of the
World.
What am i?.

Love letter by
Onitsha big
boy:
Hello pretty
damusel,
I just wanted to let
u
know dat I hav
joined
the muvin people.
Ndi na
aga aga, (the
happuning
guys). I am Aguiyi
international!
Importa &
Exporta. I ownu
plenty
of shop in Onitsha
main
market. As u are
luking
at me, nne a dim
very
solid.
My containers
come in
20s and 40s every
weekly. I hav over
40
boys in my training.
Aguiyi is a bigi boy,
I am
a muver, I am a
shaker.
I yamu a man of
timber
& plywood. I yamu
rich
and by d special
grace
of God, I am the
owner
of di biggest &
powerfulu
boutique u
can think of. I
employ
one lady to
managin it. I
can call her wit my
etisalat phone;
give her
query with my mtn;
fire
her with my glo;
and
hire another
manger
with my airtel. I
wulu
make you di CEO,
president, and first
lady
of di conglomerate.
All di streets in
china
are right here in my
head and all di
Nigerian
boys dat load
market in
there are under
me. As
I yamu speaking to
u
now, they are
making
plan to crown me
eze
ndi igbo nile of
china and
by the special
grace of
God, you will be lolo
ndi
igbo nile of china.
Nne you look like
egg
yolk and for dat, I
will
kill any ochicha for
u.
Nne, ego na esi isi
na
arum. I send
money on
errands.
A dim ok! Is it my
fault
dat I yamu a bigi
boy?
Is it my fault dat at
my
age, I have many
boys
under me? Is it my
fault
dat I have plans of
making u d
president of
d biggest boutique
in
Onitsha.
I wulu repackage u
nne
m and present u to
d
world, pretty
damusel.
Nne m o! Oyoyo m,
Egovin nwa! My
yori yori!
My african Queen,
ashanti m! Nwa
akworo
aka muo! Igbu go
m.
Infact baby, take
me.
Your loving
faithfully,
Aguyi.

BREAKING NEWS:
Okada killed two
people inside
trailler.
Christiano Ronaldo
impreginate Funke
Akindele.
Lil Wayne features
Pasuma in his new
single.
Eyinmba won sign
Messi dis January
Baba suwe joined
Illuminati, signed in
by Jay z.
Beyonce is in love
with Terry G.
Patience Egbele
Jonathan won
write JAMB.
Primary school
pupils don dey
graduate at class
primary 2.
University and Poly
students are now
putting on school
uniforms.
Obama claims EDO
STATE as his home
town.
New Arsenal
manager is Chief
Olusegun
Obasanjo.
Chris Brown wears
agbada and
slippers to the
grammy awards.

larride: oh boy, see enjoyment, dancing azonto, etigi and kukere

lols U forgot Alanta

Emm ehem ehnm*clears throat* I am organising an Independence day party today,though the independence day was yesterday,the party couldn't hold yesterday because i the Social Director was kidnapped and brutally tortured by the members of a sect popularly known as NJPC.
*tries to control outgoing tears* U guys should have seen how they tortured me. They did all this just to prevent me from organising this party becos they knew how Glorious it was gonna be *winks* but please a round of applause to our most reliable JOKO HARAM who came to my rescue and saved me from a certain deviation in my normal body functions(i.e broken bones,fractures,dislocations etc). Truly this our JOKO HARAMERS are completely reliable and efficient in carrying out their duties.
But the plans of the NJPC were foiled and this party will stil hold tonight. Some of the artistes that wil be performin at the party are
-Wiskid
-Davido
-M.I
-J.Jags
-Ice prince
-ma man Brymo and so many others, U can't afford to miss it for anything on Earth.
Time= 10pm till God say we should stop
Venue=Shariton hotel,Abuja
RSVP
If not for the intervention of my Honourable President,i would have sued NJPC to court for kidnappin,assault and a whole list of other crimes *frowns at Suto boy* But as u all know,we the PROJANERS are friendly people so i hereby offer the NJPC an invitation to the Independence day Party as honourable guests,but surely i.e if they accept... *whispers to the JOKO HARAMERS to prepare the machine guns,grenades and all forms of explosives for you-know-what*
Thank you for your time.
LONG LIVE BUNMIOGUNS(our Presidooo)!!
LONG LIVE HIS VICE!!
LONG LIVE THE ENTIRE BOARD OF PROJAN!!
LONG LIVE ME!! AND FINALLY
LONG LIVE NAIRALAND(Seun)!!
Hip hip hip hurrah!!!

Jojo Armani: i dont like dis joke about nigeria. Say sometin nice about ur country.

Ease up muahn its just a joke...

Ubado: [color=#000099][/color][b][/b] hand of aplus to you. Congrates you've tried. Keep the talent up.

Tnks dude

Hahaha lwkmd the last one realy got me rolling on the floor

booqee: seconded!

Lols. . . Using what he said once to defeat him hmmm nice one.

booqee: seconded!

Lols. . . Using what he said once to defeat him hmmm nice one

.

sutoboy: So na because say u wan talk GR8 1 LARRIDE

Na why u dey post twice bi dat?

Ur case na BG probs

I didnt mean to post twice sincerely it was an honest mistake

HAPPY 52nd (IN)
DEPENDENCE
DAY…...
I have enormous
tracts of land and
vast volumes of
water, but cannot
feed myself. So I
spend $1 billion to
import rice and
another $2 billion
on milk.I produce
rice, but don‘t eat
it. I have millions of
cows but no milk. I
am 52, please
celebrate me.
I drive the best
cars in the world
but have no roads,
so I crush my best
brains in the
caverns, craters
and crevasses
they crash into
daily. I am in
unending
mourning, please
celebrate me.
My school has no
teacher and my
classroom has no
roof. I take
lectures listening
through windows
and live with 15
others in one room.
All my professors
have gone abroad,
and the rest are
awaiting visas. I
am a university
graduate, but I am
illiterate. I want a
future, please
celebrate me.
Preventable
diseases send me
to hospitals
without doctors,
drugs or power
supply. All the
nurses have gone
abroad and the
rest are waiting to
go also. I have the
highest maternal
and infant
mortality rate in
the world; and
future generations
are dying before
me. I am hopeless,
hapless and
helpless, please
celebrate me.
For democracy‘s
sake I stood all
day on Election
Day. But before I
could ink my
thumb, results had
been broadcast.
When I dared to
speak out, silence
was enthroned by
bullets. My leaders
are my oppressors,
and my policemen
are my terror. I am
ruled by men in
mufti, but I am not
a democracy. I
have no verve, no
vote, no voice,
please celebrate
me.
Pen-wielding
bandits have
raided everything
in my vaults. They
walk the land with
haughty strides
and fly the skies in
private planes.
They have looted
the future of
generations
unborn; and have
money they
cannot spend in
several lifetimes,
but their brothers
die of starvation. I
want a kit of
kindness, please
celebrate me.
I can produce
anything, but I
import everything.
So my toothpick is
made in China; my
toothpaste is
made in South
Africa; my salt is
made in Ghana; my
butter is made in
Ireland; my milk is
made in Holland;
my shoe is made in
Italy; my
vegetable oil is
made in
Malaysia*** my
biscuit is made in
Indonesia; my
chocolate is made
in Turkey and my
table water made
in France. My taste
is far-flung and
foreign, please
celebrate me.
I have genuine
leather but choose
to eat it. So I
spend billions of
dollars to import
fake leather. I
have four
refineries, but
prefer to import
fuel, so I waste
more billions to
import petrol. I
have no security in
my country, but
send troops to
keep peace in
another man‘s
land. I have
hundreds of dams,
but no water. So I
drink ‘pure‘ water
that roils my
innards. I need a
vision, please
celebrate me.
I have a million
candidates craving
to enter
universities, but
my dungeons can
only accommodate
a tenth. I have no
electric power, but
choose to flare
gas, so my people
have learnt to see
in the dark and
stare at the glare
of naked flares. I
am shrouded by
darkness, please
celebrate me.
For my golden
jubilee, I shall
spend 16 billion
naira to bash
around the
bonfires of the
banal. So what if
the majority gaze
at my possessed,
frenzied dance;
drenched in silent
tears, as probity is
enslaved in
democracy‘s empty
cellars? I am
profligacy
personified, please
celebrate me.
Why can I not
simply reflect and
ponder? Does my
complexion cloud
the colour of my
character? Does
my location limit
the lengths of my
liberty? Does the
spirit of my
conviction shackle
my soul? Does my
mien maim the
mine of my mind?
And is failure worth
celebrating?
I AM NIGERIA ,
PLEASE CELEBRATE
ME

Nice collection,more groundnut oil to your shoulder!!

[color=]After suffering all
manner of dirty
writings in the
hand of students,
a block of
classrooms has
just been
repainted & it's
now glittering like
gold.
A student in the
school,,Pikin got
there & wrote on
the wall:"God bless
our principal for
doing this good
job, please no one
should write on
this wall!"
Shola got there &
wrote: "You're the
first to write on
this wall Pikin, I
know your
writing very well...
Don't even try to
come back here
again, ok!"
Biola wrote: "silly
idiots, can't you
both see that
you're already
messing up this
wall? Nonsense!"
Chuks also wrote:
"Haba!, this is
unfair & you guys
all know the school
must have spent a
lot of money to get
this place painted
this way. Why?
Why?? Why "
ABOKI wrote: "Kai,
Wallahi God i go
funish all of una
for writing yama
yama on this wall
like this..."
John, their class
teacher, got there
& wrote: "I know
y'all... Starting from
you,Pikin, down to
Aboki who wrote
last on this wall, go
to your classroom
& REPORT on your
knees
immediately!"
Sule, their Principal,
got there & wrote:
"Mr John, please
report immediately
to my office with
all your students..."
Among these Crazy
People, Who is
More Stupid
Teacher??,
Principal??
Students??
[/color]

HOW TO KNOW IF
YOUR
PHONE IS FAKE OR
ORIGINAL
.
REQUIREMENTS
1. Bowl/Sauce Pan
2. Water
3. SAMSVNG Phone
PROCEDURE
~Put two glasses
of water in
the bowl/sauce
pan
~drop the phone
inside the
water in the bowl
.
If the phone sinks,
it's fake. If
it floats, it's
original

Xymc- Xtra yung emcee(rapper)
Valiantvaliant- Cowardice
Ben10- Always away
Bunmioguns- great leader
Larride- brave heart
Vicky- luvly
Booqee- Elegant
etc

Gr8 1 Larride
Kai!!! This Projan,we too much,abeg mek we clap for ourselves Pah Pah Pa pa pa PAH!!!

Kai!!! This Projan,we too much,abeg mek we clap for ourselves Pah Pah Pa pa pa PAH!!!

Thanks bro

UP PROJAN!!!

I take it your the President,right?,plzz forgive my ignorance

Please this is not a joke,just a ceremony,so please feel free to lay your wishes for my success as the new Social Director.
***
You are all welcome to the swearing in ceremony of the new PROJAN Social director.. All friends,family,and well-wishers of the new social director( i.e me)were invited but no NJPC's allowed.
Now without much ado,lets get to the matter at hand. I would like to crave your indulgence while i call the PROJAN President to this thread before the ceremony continues. But while we're waiting for him and the Vice-president,please help yourself at the bar...*invites some waiters to go round collectin orders*
Please the President of PROJAN should please hurry up to this thread and when he arrives he should identify himself,ok

I audition to be Twale. This series is sure gonna rock. I enjoyed season 1 soooo much. Can't wait. . . .
UP PROJAN!!!

No offence Chi,but is this a joke?? . . . Just curious