₦airaland Forum

Sanboy25: People are never satisfied with what they have, they rather other people's things....

On point...some indeed do!

Some Naija men loudly and publicly proclaim that they consider over-30 Naija women as "expired goods"...unworthy of serious consideration, for marriage purposes. Yet, some non-Naija men come in...swoop these same women up...loving them...marrying them...fathering children with them...struggling with them...growing old with them...enjoying their grandbabbies with them...and thanking their lucky stars that God sent them an Angel.

Some Naija women loudly and publicly proclaim that they consider Naija men beneath contempt...unworthy of serious consideration for marriage purposes, due to their lying, cheating ways and Neanderthal-type tendencies, Yet, some non-Naija women are swarming to these same men like bees to honey...loving them...marrying them...bearing children for them...struggling with them...growing old with them...enjoying their grandbabbies with them...and thanking their lucky stars that God sent them an Angel.

So...where's the disconnect between Naija Men and Naija Women?

What is it that moves some Naijas to run down each other online and offline...just like some AA's.

kulyie: Well let me leave english for now because i wasnt born in britain.so back to the matter

apparently history has proven to us that men are in the habit of giving what they cannot take and as for women having less choice,that is now a fallacy because women have a hundered and one choices especially if she is in womans world e.g america,europe and all

I agree re: support for women in america,europe and all....especially for those who are battered, by their husbands, or infected, by their husbands, with the HIV virus.

Still, there are those women who have been socialized to believe that being a "Mrs." is crucial to their identity...their place in society...and will tolerate almost anything from their husbands, to avoid the stigma of separation and/or divorce.

-hate
-are disgusted by
-can't stand
-do not trust
-do not and will never associate with
-have little or no regard or respect for a particular ethnic group/s...

...then why join websites where you are considered an "Outsider"..."Not one of us"...and be subjected to all kinds of "hate speech"?

How do you withstand the continuous hatred/disgust/rejection/disrespect directed toward you and yours, during your visits?

Why keep coming back for more?

Why keep subjecting yourself to what could be technically called "hate speech"?

Don't you tire of continually defending yourself, your people, your culture and your country?

Why keep coming back for more?

Do you have masochistic tendencies?

What's the payoff for you?

modele2: On the side of women. They forgive more because they have less choices. Where would you go with a an old body and perhaps kids. It's worse when the woman is not working. If she dosent forgive no food no shelter no clothes. I also concur with posters points

..as to where the woman in your scenario would go and how she and her children would survive depends on where said woman is located...i.e...inside Nigeria or outside Nigeria.

By "Cosmopolitan"
Source: NAIJ.COM

Apparently, most women tolerate their man straying and making relationship ‘errors’ once or even twice before dumping them, but only 1 in 10 men would stay with a woman who strayed. So just WHY are women so tolerant of cheating? And could it actually be a good thing?

Recently, a report claimed that more than 6 in 10 women would happily forgive their partner for up to three ‘relationship errors’, but a massive 9 out of 10 men would dump their partner if they strayed just once. So what’s up with that? A quick poll around revealed three possible reasons...

1. We're more realistic

My first instinct was to point the finger angrily at men and shout, ‘Er, you still think it’s us with the unrealistic expectations guys?!?!” Maybe the time has finally come for us to tell men where to shove it, because actually, it’s us women who are more realistic about life and relationships after all.

Yes, people cheat. And don’t get me wrong, it’s crap, wrong and horribly heart-wrenching when it happens. But maybe it’s us girls who know that it doesn’t always have to be a black and white ‘dumping’ issue and that hey, maybe, we can get over it and it’s not always the end of the world. In fact, social scientist Catherine Hakim appeared on BBC 4’s Woman’s Hour, saying exactly this. Hakim said that as a society we actually need to be more tolerant of affairs and that sometimes, they can even be a good thing. “If you take the view that most of them blow over and a good marriage is still a good marriage we should be a bit more laid back about them like the French, Italians and Spanish,” she said. Controversial? Absolutely. Realistic? Maybe.

2. Men are territorial

Of course, the other explanation is that men’s egos simply can’t take the battering of being cheated on. As a rule, men tend to be much more territorial about their partners and while most men can’t handle the idea of their partner getting it on with somebody else, women tend to react much more strongly to emotional affairs than just physical affairs. A survey of my male friends revealed that they just can’t handle the idea of another guy getting their mitts on “their goods” (yes, their actual words) and simply can’t get over it. As one male friend put it, “It’s just not very masculine thing to let another guy get it on with your girlfriend and let them get away with it, is it? We’d look like a right walkover.” Could it be that men are prepared to throw away years of investment after one (probably stupid) mistake just for the sake of their pride? And that women are able to see past infidelity and see the bigger picture? Possibly.

3. It’s our low self-esteem

Of course, the other explanation isn’t quite as empowering. Could our readiness to accept affairs actually be down to a darker reason, like our low self-esteem? A recent survey showed that 3 out of 4 women say they lack confidence, compared with 57% of men. We also know that women in the workplace rate themselves as less competent than their male counterparts (a recent study showed than only half of women managers said they had high levels of confidence, compared to 70% of men). So could it be happening in relationships too? As a colleague reminded me earlier this week, once women hit 35, there’s just one single man to every seven women (seriously) so perhaps it’s this panic making us feel that we should hang on to our guy, no matter how tough it gets – because, hey, it’s better than being single!

Personally, I think all of us deserve to be in a happy, secure relationship and I know I’d much rather be single and happy than clinging on to a cheating guy for the rest of my life.


Your thoughts?

With the continuing rise of estrangement and divorce among Nigerian couples in the Diaspora...in what ways can husbands and wives become BETTER husbands and wives and, most likely, save their marriages?

By Theo I. Ogune

Few years ago, I received correspondence from a group in Nigeria regarding helping them source for business partners in the United States. I noticed that every member of the group whose name appeared on the group’s letterhead had some kind of title before his or her name. Three members were “Drs.,” two were “Engineers,” one was “Barrister,” and another was “Geophysicist.”

But, most surprisingly, there was “Information Technologist so, so and so.” Included in the correspondence were the business cards of the signatories. On the business cards, in addition to the earlier mentioned titles in front of the names, there was a list of degrees and awards after the names. For instance, one “Dr.” had “B.Sc. (Hons), M.Sc., M.B.A., Ph.D., J.Dip.,” and the “Barrister” had “LLB (Hons), BL, LLM, SAN, OFR,” and underneath the name were “Barrister and Solicitor, and Senior Advocate of Nigeria.” Apart from the redundancy of some of these titles, the need to announce all of them through business cards was not obvious to me.

Then I attended an event that a fellow lawyer hosted in honor of some visiting Nigerian officials in Washington, D.C. Few weeks later, the same colleague hosted a send-off party in honor of a diplomat with the Nigerian Embassy in D.C. On October 1 of the same year, I attended the independence celebration both at the embassy and the ambassador’s house in D.C. On each of these occasions, the lip-service was the same -- obscenely gratuitous and sedative: “His Excellency” (referring to the ambassador on one occasion, to the sent-off lower-level diplomat on another occasion, and to even the military attaché at the October 1 celebrations), “the Honorable” to an embassy staffer without clarity as to his duties or why he was "honorable," “the Honorable Director-General,” “the Honorable Permanent Secretary,” “the Honorable Chairman” (but I could not even tell what he chaired), “the Honorable Barrister,” “the Esteemed Senior Advocate of Nigeria” (although one is already forced to believe that he was “esteemed” by being called a Senior Advocate of Nigeria), and even “the Honorable Minister of Finance” to the embassy’s accountant.

Kai!

Along the same line, I remember visiting Lagos about a year ago and seeing a chauffeur-driven “big man” in a Hyundai Excel. As I turned to be amazed, my amazement turned into a knee-jerk amusement when I saw a chauffer-driven Volkswagen Bug/Beetle. Then the Nigeria that I knew and almost forgot came back to me. I remember thinking back to the end of terms in those days in secondary school -- the chauffer-driven but air-polluting two-door Toyota Daihatsu that picked up one of my classmates, who had the audacity to mock another classmate because his father (not a chauffer) picked him up in a 404 Peugeot. Then there was the order of pomposity according to the positions of the students’ fathers in government -- children of ministers snubbed children of permanent secretaries, children of judges looked down on children of magistrates, children of judges wanted to differentiate those with fathers on state high court from those with fathers on federal high court, and children of police commissioners revered those whose fathers were assistant inspector generals (AIGs). Oh no, forget about the few children of farmers! Their usefulness began and ended with whether they had superior knowledge of Add Maths or tough physics problems. My university was no different, except that there was a higher rate of “forgiveness” for “correct” students whose fathers were not affluent or government-connected.

I also remember visiting my hometown during one Christmas period. There was a luncheon to raise money for the village. All the rich people were there from their respective places of residence across the country, mostly from Lagos and Abuja, and mostly to show off their wealth and not for their feelings for the villagers. The village people spread the red carpet for everyone with money. The worship of mammon was exhaustive, the attention to material possessions detailed, and the lip-service almost embarrassing, as the praise-singing was deafening.

As we sat during the luncheon, my cousin who knew everything about everyone began giving me the backgrounds of the VIPs. One VIP made his money through 419, and had two mansions in the village and a fleet of cars. Another VIP was rumored to be in the armed robbery “business,” and had several properties in the area, including a hotel where, it was also rumored, he gathered with his robbery buddies. The rumors were credible because he had dropped out of secondary school, did not have any trade or mainstream skills, but suddenly became rich and built a hotel. Then there was an aide to a former governor. The aide had bought cars for all his family members, had three wives (one was 40 years his junior), had a mansion in the village, one in Abuja, and a fleet of cars. There was a retired police inspector, who made about 15,000 naira (about $120) a month for years but managed to own a mansion in the village, one in his mother’s village, another in Lagos, and several vehicles. There was a retired navy commander. Simply put, he was rich! Even one VIP used to be a security guard at a governor’s personal house, and he was rich. One VIP worked for NNPC, although it was not clear what he did for them or how he got rich, yet he had a bachelors degree in history and the history of crude oil could not have been that valuable at NNPC. I could continue, but I believe you get the picture. They reminded me of what my favorite musician, Fela, said about such VIPs -- "Vagabonds in Power."

Back in the U.S., meanwhile, I once attended a birthday party for the sister of an acquaintance. It was supposed to be a simple birthday party as I had been used to in the U.S. for over 20 years. Good company, food, drinks, music, the cake, and the annoying chorus of “happy birthday to you,” period. But I was in for a surprise. The party was in a rented hall -- a huge hall. It took me back to Nigeria. To begin with, everyone was late mostly because coming early meant you had nothing better to do and you were not important. The party was to begin at 6:00 p.m., but only a few people were there at 8:30 p.m. when I showed up, and I was rushing because I thought I was very late, as I left the courthouse late that day. In fact, the Nigerian D.J. was just setting up his gadgets when I got there. I forgot it was a Nigerian party! I had to go run some errands and come back.

When the party ultimately began at midnight, the display was definitely Nigerian and owambę. The attires were flamboyant and alive. There were flowing laces, artistic head ties, green shoes, red shoes, yellow shoes, even purple and gold shoes, dangling musical bracelets, long colorful and sometimes beaded earrings, and a strong, eye-watering riot of perfumes, colognes and sweat. Then there was an array of self-aggrandizing paraphernalia -- music CD in praises of the celebrant, mugs, paper towels, cups, and plates with a picture of the celebrant, you name it. The showmanship did not stop there.

There was a historical speech about the celebrant, which was full of praises and a list of her accomplishments. The husband and children were displayed for us to appreciate. We found out that the son majored in Engineering and had a 4.0 GPA in Georgia Tech. As the celebrant was from a household related to an oba (it was not clear which oba it was), the family members were introduced as “Prince this and Princess that.” Of course, she was “Princess this.” Then it happened -- the signature sprinkle! Yes, the Nigerian money-sprinkle! The celebrant danced (I believe it was Lagbaja or some music like that), and the people sprinkled money all over her. Some members of the audience clapped, a lot danced around her, and others scrutinized the dollar bills to see if the bills were one-dollar bills or ten-dollar-bills. Why not hundred? After all, she was a princess. My American-born Colombian companion asked me why the sprinkle, and I told her that "it was a long story" after she failed to comprehend my statement that “it was our culture” -- and, mind you, Colombians appreciate culture.

During lunch one day in my law office, I encountered a heated discussion about age. There were two other Nigerians beside me, a Jamaican, a Black American, and a Caucasian couple. The discussion began with the Nigerian woman demanding respect from the other Nigerian because she was older than him by two months. No one but the Nigerians understood what she meant, and even I was taken aback because I never really believed in that custom. She wanted the other Nigerian not to address her by her first name, but to use “madame.” Not that I did not believe in respecting elders, but they must be truly elders; they must also earn my respect, not demand it. The Americans were amused because the idea of calling someone “madame,” instead of her name, reminded them of a stiff butler in a wealthy British household. Meanwhile, both the younger Nigerian and I had lived in the U.S. for over 20 years, and were used to calling people by their first names. He refused to use “madame,” and I could not blame him. I suggested a compromise -- “Mrs. whatever the woman’s last name was.” So World War III was averted in my law office.

These stories and figments epitomize the psyche of our Nigerian nation. In Nigeria, titles and demands for respect, not individual achievements, define us, and titles do not necessarily come from individual achievements. Titles and respects are fungible -- they are common commodities. They are not the symbols of meritocracy, but the mark of a truly empty vessel. Individual achievement itself is defined loosely -- actually single-mindedly -- it means "money," whether earned or stolen. In most cases, titles bring achievements, as the demand for respect is the marking of territories for future gains. A Senior Advocate of Nigeria (SAN), for instance, is not necessarily a senior advocate because he has advocated in a senior way -- he advocates in a senior way because he is a senior advocate.

Psychologists have long believed that narcissism is a cover for, or a function of, low self-esteem. The belief is that those who are truly empty are preemptory in their demands for respect to ward off those who might otherwise discover the emptiness. It is in the same spirit that "the empty vessel makes the loudest noise." The only difference in Nigeria, however, is that the noise of the empty vessel attracts the quick filling of the vessel. Even those who hitherto are reluctant to parade their accomplishments in the U.S. are forced to do so in Nigeria because they could not achieve anything in Nigeria without their titles. Why should we care about all these? Because it is that national psyche that drives corruption in Nigeria.

I have always said that the primary reason why a Nigerian governor would steal so much money and use the state's funds to buy a private jet is showmanship -- the idea of outdoing his colleagues, the idea of demanding respect, and the titles of demarcation (from the common man) that come with the show of wealth. You see, it is the same psyche that makes Nigerian "leaders" think of themselves as gods, not servants. To them, the people of the country are their servants, instead of the leaders being the people's servants (or, at the very least, the stewards of democracy). The average Nigerian official is a fool for the red carpet. Whether in a military or civilian administration, Nigerian "leaders" rule, not lead. Why? Because they suffer from low self-esteem, paranoia, delusion, and narcissistic personality disorder -- what I call "the political syndrome of low self-esteem," and others call "the Napoleon or Napoleonic complex."

They succeed, however, because average Nigerians have fallen deep into the worship of mammon, yet they cannot worship God and mammon at the same time. Whether our worship of mammon came from the British system in colonial times of appointing Nigerian clerks and convincing those clerks to see themselves as better than other Nigerians, or it is an animalistic complex that is compounded by years of deprivation and the new-found access to Western comfort, we are afflicted with the showman syndrome, which is not far from the syndrome of premature gratification. As the showman syndrome and the syndrome of premature gratification mean short cuts to wealth, we Nigerians are corrupt because the shortest cuts to wealth are criminal activities either in government or in private domain.

The ordinary Nigerian is a co-dependent and/or an accomplice. Until it begins to matter in our towns and villages where our sons and daughters acquired their riches, instead of celebrating those riches without discrimination, we cannot stop corruption in government. Until we begin to disrespect ill-gotten gains and shame those who acquire them, we cannot stop corruption in government. Until we stop referring to every Tom, Dick and Harry as "honorable" (without regard to the lack of honor in them) or "his or her Excellency" (notwithstanding not being excellent in anything), we cannot stop corruption in government. Until we stop answering our fathers "sir," instead of "dad," we cannot bridge the gap of servitude that wards off our question of authority in government. Until we demand the basis of respect for our leaders, we cannot hang them for no leadership. Until we stop using words like "rulers" to refer to our supposed "leaders," we cannot complain that we are being "ruled." You see, the psyche of wealth worship and showmanship is what creates the rule of men. The rule of law -- our desperate need in Nigeria -- is no respecter of wealth and certainly does not bow to showmanship. But that rule must begin with a change in national psyche. The psyche of showmanship has not worked for our country.

*Theo I. Ogune practices law in Maryland, U.S.A.

Do you agree or disagree with this author's viewpoint...or...do you stand somewhere in the middle?

By Ebenezer Akin
Published 07/30/2013/Life Abroad
Source: Nigerians In America.com

The rate of divorce among African immigrants, of which Nigerians are a sizable portion, is climbing to astronomical proportions. According to statistics, women are more prone to seeking divorce from their husband. In a recent survey by Fairfax, more and more women are getting divorced from their spouses because of infidelity and financial problems. However, statistics from the Fertility and Family Health branch of the Census Bureau reveals that about 60% of marriages that eventually end up in divorce do so within the first 10 years of the marriage. While this statistics bear little or no relevance to the high rate of divorce or separation among Nigerian immigrants to the United States. It can be deduced that immigrants who find themselves in a different society like the United States begins their test of the first 10 years over again as they face the challenges of starting a new life in a new country with a different value system.

Dr. Laura Aborishade ascribes the development to problem with cultural re-adaptation. According to her, the system creates a situation where each member of the family begins to question their cultural upbringing in relation with their new environment. The result of the new assimilation, which might be more profound in one of the spouses, creates tension between the old and the new culture. Thus, the drastic aftermaths that might occur.

Until a few years ago most Nigerians in the United States were living in relative peace and calm. The notoriety that heralded the presence of Nigerians today was absent, as there were fewer Nigerians around; most of who make legitimate income. Now comes the era of internet and financial crimes. More and more Nigerians are getting involved in this get-rich–quick scam and using their ill-gotten wealth to entice Nigerian women who feels getting stuck with a man who struggles to pay his bills might not be their portion after all. There were reported cases of women who left their husbands for the neighbor next door. A recent case involved a lady named Aina (real name withheld), who was brought into the country by his fiancé with the sole purpose of marriage and a future together in America. Barely two months after living in their Kenmore Street, Chicago apartment had trouble struck. Chris, a native of the eastern part of Nigerian, and a prominent figure in the Chicago taxi industry, suddenly came home unannounced. He discovered to his chagrin that his neighbor was having sex with his bride-to-be right in the comfort of his apartment. He had a cardiac arrest and was immediately rushed to the hospital.

He was lucky to survive!

Soon after his return, he discovered his fiance had moved next door, with his neighbor. “I went crazy, and for the first time in my life, I felt justified to commit murder in the first degree,” Chris said, shaking his head, trying hard to fight back the tears that loom large in his eyes. “It really hurts to have someone take your wife away, it really hurts,” Chris muttered. Apparently, Chris, like most Nigerian Chicago Taxi drivers, had been working so hard to keep up with the bills and even sending money home to both of their parents.

As pathetic as this may be, the wife-defection cum wife-snatching trend has been a regular feature in the Nigerian community in northern CHICAGO. Elders within the community are fond of warning potential husbands to steer clear of notorious Chicago north side neighborhood the moment they get married or bring their fiancés from Nigeria.


Your thoughts?

A Review of Christian Conversion In an African Context

By GLENN J. SCHWARTZ

Introduction

For the last several decades I have been struggling with some fundamental questions regarding the nature of Christian conversion in the African context - particularly East, Central and Southern Africa with which I am most familiar. On a recent four week trip across Africa, I became convinced more than ever that there is ample reason for taking a serious look at this important subject.

Virtually everywhere I went from Liberia to Kenya to South Africa, I heard concerned church leaders asking why so many "believers" are turning with relative ease to practitioners of traditional religion in times of family or personal crisis.

For example, recently an ordained minister of 35 years service to the church was told that he had terminal cancer and was released from the Western hospital because medical people said "there is nothing we can do". He then went to the village of a practitioner of spiritism to live out the final few months of his life.

A young Christian university graduate had difficulty finding a job and believed there was a "spiritual" reason, so he consulted a diviner to find out who may be seeking to prevent his personal advancement.

A young mother who had several miscarriages sought a remedy from a local herbalist that was not available through the Western hospital. This "herbalist" in East, Central and Southern Africa is more than a "herbalist". Because of a totally integrated cosmology, he combines physical and spiritual remedies into one practice. And so the herbalist is searching for a spiritual solution to the problem.

The purpose of this paper is to ask why so many believers are turning to spiritism in times of crisis. It is also an effort to struggle with the phenomenon of marginal conversion - the implications of which are clearly on the increase. This is causing church leaders to wring their hands and ask fundamental questions about the adequacy of the Christian Gospel.

More?

http://www.wmausa.org/page.aspx?id=83837

If you post on a message board, then what are you looking for?

Besides, the question remains...To Whom It May Concern:

"Can you please enlighten the Nairaland Village as to why ya'll choose to come here, as well as to other Naija sites and sing the "The Naija Man Did Me Wrong Blues" ad nauseum?"

During the months I've lurked, I've more than noticed the animosity and downright hatred some Naijas/Africans and AAs throw at each other...and I ask myself "Why?"

Don't these ones realize how MORE ALIKE than DIFFERENT AAs are from Naijas/Africans?

As a casual observer, what are some of the similarities you've noticed between Naijas/Africans...if any?

[quote author=Mrs.Chima]I take plastic and paper.

Lol@a trick liking his post. Birds of the same bad breed....[/quote]No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Btw..

...a trick" is a prostitute's customer and people aren't animals to be bred.

IMO...you may want to "take" an inventory of your attitudes towards other human beings...being a human being yourself.

Your issues are quite glaring, Madam.

Can you please enlighten the Nairaland Village as to why ya'll choose to come here, as well as to other Naija sites and sing the "The Naija Man Did Me Wrong Blues" ad nauseum?

Exactly WHAT are you looking for, as in responses?

In some cases, you rag, rant and rave MORE on Naija men than American/European men of the same ilk.

Why?

You must know that such behavior, online or offline is not emotionally healthy.

Search yourself.

[quote author=Mrs.Chima]Come now! Come now! Fresh from America! I got demonic dirt that will literally change your life!

Are you holy and decent? You must try my demonic dirt if you want to love-vendor your babies!

Only $560 USD! [/quote]You have issues, Madam.

a reflection of who you are offline...or...is your Online Persona an Alter Ego...a reflection of who you WISH you were offline?

Sometimes, the anonymity of the Internet causes people to say things online they wouldn't say offline...face-to-face...with the target of their negative attitudes.

Some people are hateful offline and even more hateful online.

How do you, as an Onliner, withstand the negativity thrown your way,(if any) because of who you are and what you believe?

How do you, as an Onliner, view yourself, online and offline, if YOU are the perpetrator of negativity?

Do you sometimes read something online and and wonder:

"Did this person really think about that before posting it?"

"How can this person be so hateful towards perfect strangers?"

"What is this person fighting for?"

"Is this person just trying to get noticed? If so, why?


Now...what if an Onliner wonders that about YOU...or do you even care?

...you've always wanted to ask a member of another race/ethnic group/religion/sexual persuasion/etc....but didn't for fear of the aftermath?

...you've always wanted to ask a member of another race/ethnic group/religion/sexual persuasion/etc....but didn't for fear of the aftermath?

striktlymi: Hi ZB,

Nice thread!

It is impractical for one to call himself a Christian and hate other persons at the same time. To be a Christian implies being open to receive Christ whenever he comes calling.

Christ made us understand that each time we do good to our neighbour, we extend same to him. So when one says he is a Christian but cannot show love to his or her neighbour, who happens to represent Christ, then that individual does not know what Christianity is about.

I agree!

And although I referenced Naija sites, they stand in company, among the hatemongers present all over cyberworld AND in the real world, specifically those that call themselves "Christians".

It's to wonder.

[quote author=Mrs.Chima]Were you playing daft when you said that there are no crime greater than spousal murder

You said on this thread that spousal murders, pimping out children, prostitution, and rape is an American thing and I am saying scamming, cutting off clitorises, marrying babies in diapers, and bombing is an African thing.

Different between you and I is that I don't blame the Country/Continent for individual actions because I am not ignorant.

Don't thank me yet....I am just getting started! [/quote]No, I was 'playing evil' when I said that scamming, bombing, cutting off clitorises, marrying babies in diapers and punny selling does not equate to spousal murder. You, madam, were looking for a cyberfight, so I gave you something to sink your teeth into...and you did.

I repeat: "Such happenings (anti-social) are becoming more common among African immigrants. It's not uncommon, here in America." -zboyd

Have you found this to be true within some African communities? Have you noticed some behaviors, here in Yankee or elsewhere abroad, that you or other Naijas/Africans deemed Un-Nigerian/Un-African? If some behaviors weren't done or tolerated "back home", then why do some African immigrants do it here in Yankee or elsewhere abroad?

I've grown up around African immigrants all my life...but never in my life have I've heard or witnessed such an escalation of negative behaviors, as I have in the last decade or so.

You said: "...scamming, cutting off clitorises, marrying babies in diapers, and bombing is an African thing."

I still maintain that scamming and bombing (true crimes) are NOT an African thing, because not only Africans do these things. I also maintain that "cutting off clitorises, marrying babies in diapers (betrothal/cultural customs) and prostitution are NOT just an African thing, because not only Africans do these things, and are only deemed crimes/unacceptable/not tolerated, as determined by the law of the land and the views of the ethnic group/s involved.

You said: "Different between you and I is that I don't blame the Country/Continent for individual actions because I am not ignorant.

The only "ignorance" being displayed here is that of one who can't see the forest for the trees.

Of course you can't "blame the Country/Continent for individual actions". It's a 'thing'.

However, do you agree that there seems to be "something in the air" in this country that is making some African immigrants "go rogue" and/or display behaviors more commmon among the natives of this country, especially if said immigrants had never displayed such behaviors pre-immigration?

One of my Naija friends says:

"In America, you have to hold on tightly to your morals and values or else you will be sucked into this Devil's Paradise and regret the day you ever left home. You have to have a strong mind and heart...
na condition make crayfish bend...na condition make crayfish break too."

And...as far as you saying:

"I don't even know why I have asked you to be honest when it is a known fact that African/Black/Colored folks are the most dishonest and pretentious group of all groups...hence being on the bottom of the totem pole"...

I ask you again:

Are you speaking of yourself or as a non-African/Black/Colored person?

As always, honesty is the best policy...whether online or offline...but sometimes silence is golden...and differences of opinion can be aired sans cyberinsults.

caseless: we fail to internalise that african value; always taking after something we see the whites doing.

I think u heard the pope saying gays shld be incoporated into the society. Wait and see how we africans will applaud and accept this as a norm....simply becos it is coming from a white pope who we think is angel. They make u accept theirs, and lose connection with ours.

I will have to somewhat agree with you.

My grands called such thinking/behavior "white folks mess"...thinking/behavior black folks ain't got no business messing around with...period.

Yet they do...and where does that lead them?

On the other hand...nothing or no one can make people do anything.

They have free will.

...are you sometimes angered, ashamed, disgusted, embarassed, shocked, in a state of disbelief, etc., regarding images/articles/videos/etc. of "jungle justice" (mob violence) in Nigeria...online or offline?

Have you ever been questioned by non-Naijas about Why such incidents happen...and what, if anything, can be done to stop them? If so, what was your answer/s?

Some things that are done outside America/Host Country are not tolerated inside of America/Host Country which some unlucky African immigrants soon find out, at the hands of law officials.

[quote author=Mrs.Chima]Are you fucking serious?!! Crime is a crime is a crime! Are you telling me that spousal murder is bad in America but not Africa?

I don't even know why I have asked you to be honest when it is a known fact that African/Black/Colored folks are the most dishonest and pretentious group of all groups...hence being on the bottom of the totem pole.

Keep making excuses for Africans while outsiders are steady raping and reaping what Mother Africa has to offer.[/quote]lol

Were YOU serious when you posted a scenario whereas an immigrant TO Nigeria could get into "scamming, bombing, cutting off clitorises, marrying babies in diapers, and selling punny in public bathrooms for mush and flipflops"...and then turn around and blame Nigeria?

Among the true crimes (scamming, bombing), you sprinkled in cultural practices (cutting off clitorises, marrying babies in diapers) which may or may not be crimes, depending on the ethnic group and/or country's view, and a social ill (selling punny in public bathrooms for mush and flipflops)which may or may not be a crime, depending on a particular society's view of punny selling in general. Was this for shock effect?

Come now...if I deplore spousal murder (a crime)...then why wouldn't I deplore scamming and bombing (also crimes)?

You're just looking for a fight. Hence the answer.

I suspected who you were..now I'm sure of it...based on this...

"I don't even know why I have asked you to be honest when it is a known fact that African/Black/Colored folks are the most dishonest and pretentious group of all groups...hence being on the bottom of the totem pole."

Are you speaking of yourself or as a non-African/Black/Colored person?

BTW...it's also a known fact that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Look around you.

What do you mean by this statement?

"Keep making excuses for Africans while outsiders are steady raping and reaping what Mother Africa has to offer."

Understanding the factors that push some African immigrants into aberrant behaviors, behaviors not previously present, until after immigrating is not making excuses for them - with understanding comes probable solutions.

And what do "outsiders steady raping and reaping what Mother Africa has to offer" have to do with this discussion?

Thanks for replying though.

ileobatojo: Could you please specify exactly which behavior or behaviors you're talking about. Because the only Nigerian you mentioned in this story are the RN and her daughter. Just want to be clear on what perverse behavior specifically you are trying to highlight in this story. Thanks.

Friend that called is from Ghana.

Sorry...left that out!

Behavior: Child prostitution.

Mrs.Chima said:

Poster...please be honest with me.


"Of course! Honesty is always the best policy."

Mrs.Chima said:

Are you professing that ALL African immigrants living in America NEVER had criminal and perverse thoughts nor actions PRIOR to immigration?


"How can I profess such a thing? I don't know each and every single African immigrant living in America to profess such a thing. What I am curious about is why such anti-social behavior seems to be escalating in Nigerian/African communities across America. Such behaviors aren't new in America, but from what I've observed, such behaviors are making inroads throughout the aforementioned communities."

Mrs.Chima said:

The good ole Africans were wholesome and holy until they touched the American soil transformed into demon spawns?


"Sorry, but I don't know any good ole wholesome and holy Africans or...any other good ole wholesome and holy people...just those who pretend to be wholesome and holy...when it suits them.

However, if such "Africans" never displayed demon spawn tendencies, before immigration, then why display them after immigration? Perhaps such "Africans'" demon spawn tendencies were in a dormant state, only to be awakened by the push and pull of immigration. Also, I've noticed that some Naija women seem to adjust better to immigration than some Naija men."

Mrs.Chima said:

So if an American was to immigrate to Nigeria or Liberia and perform several perverse and criminal acts such as scamming, bombing, cutting off clitorises, marrying babies in diapers, and selling punny in public bathrooms for mush and flipflops. Would that be fair for that American to blame Nigeria or Liberia? No one can make you do anything you don't want to do unless by gunpoint and even that.


"I agree that no one can force you to do anything, generally speaking, of course.

I also agree that one should not blame anyone or anything for their anti-social behavior.

However, these "Africans", we are discussing, in most cases, do indeed blame America/Host Country for their lot in life, and, from what I've observed, are mostly male."

Mrs.Chima said:

I doubt an American force any of those Africans to commit crimes by gunpoint.


"These "Africans" blame the cultural environment/s of America/Host Country, where they face a whole new confusing world which is not just black and white, but many shades of grey. Some go off the deep end, into a morass of immortality and depravity, the depths from which they may never ascend. Or could some of these "Africans" suffer from the stress of settling in America/Host Country? Sometimes stress can manifest itself through such things as depression, diminished self-esteem, suicidal thoughts, eating disorders, sexual disorders, substance abuse and domestic violence.

And while America can't force these "Africans" to commit crimes by gunpoint...some "force" is leading these "Africans" down the wrong road.

Why do they SNAP and not BEND?"


Mrs.Chima said:

Accept accountability and mature.


"Easy for some...not easy for others...even at 50+."

[quote author=Mrs.Chima]Poster...please be honest with me.

Are you professing that ALL African immigrants living in America NEVER had criminal and perverse thoughts nor actions PRIOR to immigration?

The good ole Africans were wholesome and holy until they touched the American soil transformed into demon spawns?

So if an American was to immigrate to Nigeria or Liberia and perform several perverse and criminal acts such as scamming, bombing, cutting off clitorises, marrying babies in diapers, and selling punny in public bathrooms for mush and flipflops.

Would that be fair for that American to blame Nigeria or Liberia? No one can make you do anything you don't want to do unless by gunpoint and even that.

I doubt an American force any of those Africans to commit crimes by gunpoint.

Accept accountability and mature.[/quote]IMO..."scamming, bombing, cutting off clitorises, marrying babies in diapers, and selling punny in public bathrooms for mush and flipflops" does not equate to apousal murder.

Such behavior is commonplace in American society, but what of the African immigrant communities aross America.

Something is going very wrong in the African immigrant commmunity.

[quote author=Sisi_Kill]Ile, For me, what is more alarming than the high rate of the African Criminals is how quickly they learn...after all, the issues OP listed never ever ever happens in Nigeria. ..EVER!

How do they do it...how are they able to discard the childlike innocence that can only be the result of living in a utopian nation like Nigeria to become beasts abroad?!!


Very disturbing.[/quote]Yes!

Such things are VERY disturbing.

And YES, such people DO learn quickly.

What could it be that turns an African Prince into an African Despot?

ileobatojo: I'm sorry I'm still not clear what perverse behaviors by Nigerians you are talking about specifically in that story your friend told you. I see nothing in there about anyone killing their partners so I'm having some difficulty following your train of thought.

Killing one's spouse is not the only perverse behavior cropping up in the Nigerian/African community.

Some of the same base, immoral behaviors exhibited by some Americans are being copied by Nigerian/African immigrants and other immigrnts.

So...is this another instance of: "When in Rome, do as the Romans do?"