₦airaland Forum

eighTHREAD: the more you argue, the more you expose how disastrous you are going to end. @bolded you want them to ignore status quo which was thesame mistake lucifer made in heaven thereby tarnishing the peace the universe enjoyed simply because he thought he could raise his throne above God's own throne. I commend those who have pointed it out that Feminism is satanic cos from your point of argument, you want women to usurp man's authority like the devil tried which will only lead to disaster. Why not stop being submissive to your boss at work and see where that leads you.

First, I'm not arguing - in fact I'm not even heated. This is a topic of discussion - not a civil war - you're the one standing on your hind legs howling at the moon - not me.

Second, unless you can see into the future, you don't know HOW I'm going to end.

Third, how can an ideology aimed at defining, establishing, and defending a state of equal political, economic, cultural, and social rights for women be considered "satanic"?

Fourth, Bosses aren't Husbands.

donpeey22: Some people have asked the question 'why do men cheat?' without digging deep to find out the real 'why'. We all believe in the mantra that 'men are polygamous in nature'. Agreed that there are men who cheat just because of lust, but there is more to men's cheating than meet the eyes. Some men are only 'forming' macho over their wives so as to not be seen by our patriarchal society as being sissies, while deep down they crave a controlling woman, this is one reason why some of them keep mistresses who controls them even while they are married. This may sound weird, but it takes an open minded person to understand this fact. This is in support of my earlier post that whoever that's better suited should take the lead in a relationship regardless of the gender, as that would ensure a more peaceful marriage and a better society.

You know what?

I have to admit that there is definitely some truth to this.

Babymama1: I am only writing this for the sake of the young impressionable ladies reading useless articles such as the original post here and using it as a basis to form opinions.
In every group,every association,every union and every kingdom there is an order and a chain of command
No matter how much we fight it,for the smooth running of any organization there must be a hierarchy.
The animal kingdom with lesser brain development recognize that and so do humans
There cannot be two CEOs in an office or two medical directors or two chancellors in a university
There is always one and the other is a deputy.
You go to work and submit to authority but you won't do same in your home.

The writer is interchanging the word abuse with the concept of submission and that is a dangerous lesson to teach young girls.
Submission and abuse are two very different topics

Submission is a biblical principle
It is meant to install order in the home
The hierarchy is the man,the woman then the children
Just like the kids cannot rise and rule the home without chaos,the woman cannot take over either.the home will be a dysfunctional one

Personally I have no problems submitting to my own husband
It is not always my first choice but it is the right thing
For instance I prefer to go to a nigerian church
He doesn't ,I found one I liked ,he refused to follow us
I succumbed to follow him to the one he prefers
That doesn't make me weak,I did the proper thing
Of what purpose will it serve that I allow place of worship to cause a division just because I want to prove a point
To whom and to what gain?
What will that teach the children?

Unless you marry an unreasonable fool then you will question submission
I married a very intelligent man with the gift of wisdom
I am confident he loves me and the children and would not harm us
All his thoughts towards us are of good
I am not controlled by him,I have a mind of my own and can make my own decisions but where there is a conflict in opinion regarding family issues, and I have made my case and he insists,his opinion will always trump mine
And I have no problems with that at all
I choose to follow that order
He is the a bishop of our home and I respect his authority.There is a biblical covering to that which I shall not violate.

My advice to the young ladies
Find a good man,most especially one who loves God and submits to the authority of God
YOu will have no problems submitting to a man that submits to God.
A man who submits to God will value you and respect you.
And steer clear from advice such as the OP
She is a single lady
When she marries and has put in some years under her belt then she has the impetus to speak on the subject
She is not yet qualified
Listen to what works
A wise woman builds her home with her own hands
A foolish woman tears it down

When another poster asked if my boyfriend/husband was cheating on me...I answered:

"Not to my knowledge. But if I find out...his azz is grass. I don't tolerate cheating."

I wouldn't mow down a cheating boyfriend but I sure as hell would mow down a cheating husband.

Never ASSume...ASK.

Thank you!

Babymama1: Then you should have spared the forum all the crap you posted at the beginning
You don't believe in submission
Good for you
Some others see nothing wrong with it
Can you define submission?
Good luck with your ideas

First, do you spew the same type of vitriol when MEN post all the crap they do about WOMEN?

Second, whether I believe in submission or not doesn't negate a lively discussion about it - does it?

Third, if others don't see anything wrong with the concept of submission, why do you have an issue with me NOT prescribing to it - isn't it my choice - just as it is the choice of women to choose to submit or not?

Fourth, instead of asking ME to define what submission is - why don't YOU define what submission is not, because some men seem to be confused?

Fifth, ideas can be life-changing. Sometimes all you need to open the door is just one more good idea.

Babymama1: Are you one and the same with the demonic Ayodele Johnson that penned this piece.
The highlighted gives the writer away as an agent of darkness
This cannot be of God

First, I feel the question is legitimate.

Second, I've always wondered why some women subscribe to the concept of submission, seeing how some men abuse it AND them.

Third, why demonize the author for thinking outside the box?

Fourth, everyone's entitled to their opinion - that's why we have brains.

Thanks for your response.

fellis: Are you a Christian?

Yes...Southern Baptist.

A Brief History of African Feminism
by Minna Salami

Feminism is an absolute necessity for African societies.

We rank lowest in the global gender equality index, have some of the highest numbers of domestic violence, the highest number of female circumcision and other harmful traditions. Yet I keep landing on articles like 'Nigeria: Bolanle Awe and the Feminist Discourse' by Tunji Olaopa and ‘You Can’t Sit With Us’: Black Women And Feminism by Iman Hassan, which both start promisingly, then go on to make claims such as “…the first objective for the Nigerian woman is the imperative of family building as the first step in nation building” and “African women do not feel the same urgency or need to be liberated from their traditional gender roles” respectively. Really?

Or this fella, Ayo – Bankole Akintujoye, in his article 'Rejoinder to Sugabelly: Feminism, Gender Equality And The Hypocrisy Of It All' who earnestly asks:

“What is wrong with a woman being successful, and still bowing to her man?”

Dude…

I’ve argued oftentimes that feminism is not un-African, that it has always existed in Africa, that so many of the African women we love to love are/were feminists. But what exactly is the history of African feminism, you might be wondering.

While the term ‘feminism’ is an import to Africa (as all English words are), the concept of opposing patriarchy, the raison d’être of feminism if you like, is not foreign. Africa has some of the oldest civilizations in the world so while they didn’t always call it feminism (the noun) as far back as we can trace we know that there were women who were feminist (the adjective) and who found ways of opposing patriarchy. Feminism is an important part of African women’s "herstory".

Mamphela Ramphele, founder Agang

As an interest group, African feminism set off in the early twentieth century with women like Adelaide Casely-Hayford, the Sierra Leonian women’s rights activist referred to as the “African Victorian Feminist” who contributed widely to both pan-African and feminist goals, Charlotte Maxeke who in 1918 founded the Bantu Women’s League in South Africa and Huda Sharaawi who in 1923 established the Egyptian Feminist Union. African feminism as a movement stems also from the liberation struggles especially those in Algeria, Mozambique, Guinea, Angola and Kenya where women fighters fought alongside their male counterparts for state autonomy and women’s rights. African feminist icons from this period are women like the Mau-Mau rebel, Wambui Otieno, the freedom-fighters Lilian Ngoyi, Albertina Sisulu, Margaret Ekpo and Funmilayo Anikulapo-Kuti among many others who fought against colonialism as well as patriarchy (often through protest).

Modern African feminism was solidified during the landmark UN decade for women 1975 – 1985 which resulted in feminist activism and scholarship spreading widely across the continent and diaspora. Since then the African feminist movement has expanded in policy, legislation, scholarship and also in the cultural realm. It has to do with grassroots activism as well as intellectual activism, ‘bread and butter’ issues such as poverty reduction, violence prevention and reproductive rights as well as with lifestyle, popular culture, media, art and culture. It’s about confronting patriarchal mythmaking on one hand, and with the other we are equally challenged with tackling racist stereotypes. It has to do with these seven key issues in African feminist thought.

Today, African feminists scholars, activists, artists and politicians such as Leymah Gbowee, Joyce Banda, Simphiwe Dana and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie as well as feminist organisations such as the African Feminist Forum and the African Gender Institute are at the forefront of using activism, knowledge and creativity to change situations that affect women negatively.

No one but African women ourselves can bear the responsibility to protect the histories of African women and to connect them to the situations of today. We have many glass ceilings to shatter. To begin to do so, we must realise that the current situation disadvantages women tremendously. Women are being systemically marginalised within both our local and global societies.

As our eyes increasingly open to this truth, we must continue to liberate and defend ourselves from limited notions of womanhood. It cannot be stressed enough how pressing that is. We don’t need to reinvent the wheel; we can and should take inspiration from those who are already reshaping the narrative of African womanhood and the truth is that feminism continues to be the tool of choice for many of us.

Source: msafropolitan.com

References: Ndate Yalla Mbodj (1810–1860) and P. David Boilat, Esquisses Sénégalaises (1853). The New York Public Library.

A Nigerian based in South Africa has expressed her view on the issue of having a fair share in the "parent-child-discord". The author reveals her odd relationship with her mum, asserting that a good number of Nigerian parents are the root of many evil-rooted thoughts of their children towards them.

Do Nigerian Parents Exert Too Much Authority Over Their Children?
By Folakemi Ibrahim

In light of the story about 21-year old Tolani Ajayi (pictured below), a student of the Department of History and International Relations, Redeemer University, RCCG Camp, Ogun State who killed his father on Tuesday July 3rd, I will like to share a little bit of my story to educate many parents on the dangers of abusing their power and authority over their children. I believe there are a lot of people with stories similar like mine will have the courage to speak out after they read my story, and they will also realize that they are not alone in their experience.

While the action of the RCCG student was despicable and evil, the truth of what led to it may never be known, but I believe there is an opportunity for a lot of people to learn from that unfortunate story about how parents can sometimes push their children to the extreme limits. While my experience did not end up a tragedy as that of this unfortunate young man, I believe it might have had the same underlying tone and pattern.

I am a 40-year-old successful woman who is based in South Africa. I’m happily married to a wonderful man and just had a bouncing baby girl. I have a good life and I love my life, but the only thorn in my life is my relationship with my mother. I grew up having a very toxic relationship with my mum, a relationship that soured after her divorce from my dad while I was a child. After the divorce my mother took all the children with her and for some reason singled me out by physically and emotionally abusing me repeatedly. She believed I had a lot in common with my dad, whom she hated with a passion.

I grew up in a home where my mother will call me various malicious names, and repeatedly tell me I will not amount to anything in life. She once told me she wishes she had aborted me when she was pregnant. I remember being chased out of the house as a teenager and left to sleep outside alone overnight for not properly doing house chores.

This toxic relationship endured into my adulthood. I grew up never having the opportunity to have all the beautiful things a relationship with one’s mother can bring; every time something great was happening in my life my mother was always there around the corner to “pour sand in it”. She went as far as cancelling my wedding a few times because I would not invite one of her friends to it. She has managed to destroy every meaningful relationship I have with all my siblings and extended family members by telling lies about me and going on a campaign of ensuring I am cut off from everyone. All attempts over the years by family members to show her that she was being malicious to me went on deaf ears. She spent most of the discussions denying everything and convincing everyone that I am a liar.

I have personally approached her on several occasions to see if I could get her to change but that also failed. Not too long ago she claimed that she came to visit my family and, since I was pregnant with my daughter and close to delivery, my mother was always around and almost destroyed my marriage by sowing seeds of discord between me and my husband. She went as far as gossiping about me with everyone that cared to listen. This included my friends and neighbours. It became so stressful for me that I couldn’t take it anymore. She did not even consider that I was heavily pregnant.

One fateful day I told her she had to leave out of my house and my life before she manages to destroy the best things in my life. Until she repents and realizes the errors in her ways, I was not willing to relate with her again. While it was disheartening for me to take that action it was the most liberating thing I have ever done. Rather than repent, my mother ha again has gone on a campaign of letting her minions know that I “chased” her out of my home and that I’m so ungrateful after all she had done for me. Sometimes when you push a child to the wall you never know what they might do, while I could never dream of killing my mum, the anger and rage she evoked in me could have easily led me to a dark place, if not for the grace of God.

The general idea of a mother is someone who is nurturing and ever loving. My experience have been far from that. There are things my mother did that I cannot even add to this write-up. A lot of Nigerian parents do not know anything about parenting a child; their mentality is that you should raise a child the way your parents raised you. This approach involves flogging the child and abusing him/her emotionally, as one wishes; there is nothing systematic to it. While some of these children grow up and forgive their parents, even going as far as replicating their upbringing on their own kids, some realize that things could have been different and are willing to stop the cycle.

Do you agree with this author's point of view?

Source: naij.com

Eatosam: Dear contributor, Zboyd, I have read your write-up with great concerns. I am really not in a position to judge or castigate your view because I know you have your own thought process and values which may diverge from those of many on Nairaland, including myself.
I will attempt to answer some and not all of your questions that I consider important. This is because all the questions point to the crux of your writing - Submission.
First and foremost, the necessity for submission is because it is a command from the Almighty, your Maker. To challenge that position may suggest that you think you are of a superior intelligence which I seriously doubt. If you are an atheist, I will understand.

Again, submission requested is not exactly the same as subordination. Besides, the same scriptures admonished "submitting one to another". This alludes to the fact of submission not being one-way. It suggests mutual respect and each knowing his/her place. The foundation of any marital union is love, and it is premised on the requirement of mutual respect and agreement. Dropping the woman's surname for instance is part of the submission, combining surnames comes from an agreement. Therefore, peace of mind in the union is attainable with submission. Why would you want to be united with a man you do not wish to submit to? This may be folly and self-inflicted pain.

History is replete with women who honored their husbands and enjoyed their marriages. If your experience is not sweet in this regard, you may be one out of many. Success in academics, careers or business does not grant any right to usurp a man's role. It is only in the interest of lasting peace to ensure that such accomplishments do not stand in the way of enjoying marriage. There are cases of very successful women who feel void because they realised late the importance of submission. I do not intend to make a case for bullies or lazy men without any modicum of dignity.

The benefits therefore are a total package of a happy home, peace of mind, deserved love and affection, support from your spouse, fulfilled dreams and well spent life.

Saying this much, I want you to ponder and reconsider your position. Take surveys, observe and review history and you will realise that submision is not peculiar to the black race. It does not suggest it is the man's world. It is for all and what you see is what you get.

Again...this is not my write-up. I am not a man or a Reverend.

I don't subscribe to the concept of submission and have NEVER been involved with any man who expects it from me.

The concept of submission is not race-specific, whether the man is a Christian or not.

Question:

Bible teaching and Christian upbringing aside...why do some men expect women to submit to them?

Ponder that.

Oahray: technically, everyone thinks for himself. I'm yet to see two separate persons controlled by one brain. If that's what you mean, I agree.

If it isn't, I also agree, seeing that you composed your opening post by yourself and didn't merely paste someone else's thoughts. All the best painting a toad orange with black stripes to make it a tiger.

If everyone thought for themselves, then they wouldn't give a hoot what anyone else thinks of them and their decisions.

In my opinion, other people's thoughts broaden your horizons and opens your mind to other truths, possibilities and perceptions.

Narrow-mindedness only gives you a narrow-minded view of the world.

Knowledge is power.

Embrace it!

lilmax: i dont pity you i only pity your daughters

Save your pity for your own daughters, if they choose to follow the status quo and not think for themselves.

What's the point of educating women anyway, if society wants them to live in the Dark Ages?

Richy4: To summarize your question. You should realize that two captains cannot be in the same ship.

Sorry it sounds harsh but every one had expectations and what they wanted in their relationship. OP try not to intrude on people's lifestyle.

Remember what the priests say about what God has joined together.

Two captains can't steer the same ship but two horses can pull the same wagon - successfully.

If people wanted privacy, then they wouldn't air their dirty laundry on the internet.

Priests don't marry - so what can they tell you about relationships between men and women?

At best, they can only offer common sense solutions.

It's a been there - done that - still doing that kind of person that can give you some real insight into relationships/marriage.

Witty07: God is the same yesterday, today, tomorrow till world never ends. God has not change, His rules and commands still stands. Even when Jesus came he said that he has not come to abolish the commands but to throw light into them. This is end time, so lets expect different human definitions that is not of God. Jesus even said that at the end some will claim they called His name but he will say that he knows them not. Anything other than what has been stated is a strange fire.

God HASN'T changed but the hearts of men HAVE changed to the detriment of women.

The Devil is indeed busy!

Jonwesley: Absolutely! Beautiful reply, U wrote my mind and God bless ur beautiful soul. The OP must be suffering from dementia of the brain. Let her advocacy create lesbianism that she is. No sane person would ascribe such derogatory remarks on Biblical injunctions written of old. God is not mocked, U will reap what U have sown. Demented heart!!!....

First, this is not MY write-up. Read well.

Second, any opinions I have are my own. I'm not a follow-follow type of woman.

Third, true lesbians aren't concerned with men - only women - note that.

Fourth, there is a HUGE difference in the way Jesus treated women and the way modern man treats women...and if Jesus came back today...how would he view the way some men...who call themselves Christians treat women?

Think about it!

tk4rd: I just dey see one frustrated feminist op

NEWSFLASH!

I don't subscribe to some white women's agenda.

I think for myself!

simplex2: And to crown it all, it went further to command you not to speak in church: don't teach in sunday school, don't lead in praise and worship, don't give testimonies; WOMEN SHOULD NOT SPEAK IN THE CHURCH!!!

Did you miss that part?

What a holy book.

Very true!

simpleseyi: Ask Arumah Oteh while she does not have a husband.
Ask Genevieve while she does not have a husband.
Ask Janet Jackson while she does not have a husband.
Ask Oprah while she does not have a husband.

Also

Ask Ngozi Okonjo-Iwealla how she is keeping her home.
Ask Remi Tinubu how she is keeping her home.
Ask Justice Mary Odilli how she is keeping her home.
Ask Justice Fatti Abubakar how she is keeping her home.

Finally

Ask Patience Jonathan how and why she is disgracing her husband.

Ask unhappy women in unhappy marriages why they stay?

Some of the unhappiest women I know are married.

Don't women deserve to be happy?

Whenever you hear a woman crow "At least I have a man!", look very closely at the type of man they have.

It's enough to give single women pause.

lilmax: Feminism can never rule,young women ignore fake feminists on nairaland they will only ruin your life.as for the topic i cannot even marry a woman that is not submissive,no one is telling you to be a slave respect your husband and he will also respect you thats all,the moment you start listening to friends outside saying you should not submit to your husband thats the day a man start heading for divorce

Views like this do a disservice to intelligent women.

As a woman myself, I have NEVER felt the need to submit or subjugate myself to ANY man - it's just not who I am.

As a woman, I have been blessed to experience men in my life who've NEVER expected me to submit or subjugate myself to them.

Specifically, the men I've encountered made it very clear that they respect a woman who has a mind of her own, is not hesitant to voice her opinions, and is capable of taking care of business and not looking to them for advice on every little thing - it annoys them.

In these men's minds, why is a grown woman, intelligent and educated, looking to them for direction?

Nonsense!

njokusboy: So you read the ops write up and you didn't see what feminism has got to do with what she wrote?

Uh...excuse me!

This is not MY write-up. I am not a man or a Reverend.

BTW...you must not be aware of the number of feminists who are happily married with children.

How many times must it be told that feminists are not man-haters, not necessarily lesbians, and are not anti-marriage and anti-family?

Feminists are women, of all races, who advocate social, political, legal, and economic rights for women equal to those of men.

Just like there are radical Muslims...there are radical feminists - both nut cases, in my opinion.

Don't believe the hype.

Educate yourself!

Knowledge is power!

Oahray: isn't that obvious? Ask the op for confirmation.

Em... No 'full stop' or 'comma' on your keyboard?

Em...I follow my own mind.

I'm not a follow-follow type of woman who allows herself to be swayed by some mindset formulated by white women unhappy with their standing in the white man's world. That's THEIR lot in life - not mine.

I think for myself.

Is that confirmation enough?

sauer: for some submission is probably a true recipe for success. As vile as that may sound, even to me, some women earnestly believe they need to submit as much as is possible to their husbands in order to get the respect they crave.
Personally though, I do not believe submission is a savory recipe.

i don't believe there are any benefits for a submitting female. Just denigration, that's all there is.

same as above

I don't. But i can easily see why they do. It's a thing with ego. A man who believes he's superior to a woman will not hesitate to suppress any woman who he feels think little of his "powers". Freud has gone into the details of this in several of his writings.

for men with a huge ego, there's nothing more disturbing than a woman who challenges them. It's probably a thing with se.x too. These men find these kinds of women inaccessible.


That a woman is submissive is not enough to remove the living instincts and desires of her man. Even total submission is not enough. Desires will remain, submission or not. A faithful man would never need a submissive woman or unsubmissive woman to keep him faithful.

Well, this wouldn't really happen to me, so it's difficult to answer. But I bet any man's ego will probably make him not plead with her. In a Nigerian society where marriage is viewed as a sign of success for women, she'd probably be the one to lose for it.

For reasons of comfort, I'd believe. To reassure them that they can get the things they want from her (money, se,x, love, kids, etc) without any complaints.

Apparently to keep them in check


Where are your proofs of this claim? That a woman is not submissive is not enough reason to gift the family with "a happy home and happy children". Your conclusion seems really far from the argument. I should believe there are cases where submissive wives enjoy a rich and fulfilling life of love, kids and success. If there were no examples, wouldn't there be many more women willing to be unsubmissive.

So, one can still make a case against your position. Let it be a choice if a woman decides to submit or not, or if a man asks for submission or not. I don't think either side profits more from the arrangement. However, I do think a woman who stands on her own two feet all by herself and insist on equal partnership has a lot more to profit in her own personal life. This could however be at the risk of losing her family. If she's willing, then she absolutely should.


A pastor wrote this? He had better check his two thousand year old book again...

First, yes a pastor wrote this.

Second, I don't subscribe to the concept of submission...just not me.

Third, some of the most unhappiest women I know are married and active in church, as are their husbands.

Fourth, to each woman her own.

Fifth, sometimes different perspectives change your own perspectives about certain things.

drnoel: OP ask urself what it means first to be submissive. Then explain to us what it means when one is submissive to another. Then ask urself if being submissive in this time and age is a nightnare? Then ask urself why its that a problem as u say in 2014 to tbe modern man or woman? Then cucuma leave ur thread cos u are looking 4 trouble.

Better questions...

Why don't ALL men...Christian or otherwise subscribe to the concept of submission?

Why are some women happier in egalitarian marriages, rather than traditional marriages?

What is it about the concept of submission that rubs some women the wrong way?

In what way does "submission" benefit women?

What mixed messages are "submissive" mothers teaching their daughters - daughters who they're raising to be strong, intelligent, independent young women able to think for themselves, do for themselves and be an asset to any man they marry - not subordinate to him in any way?

Why would any self-confident, self-assured man expect any woman to subjugate herself to him?

Why is the concept of submission necessary in this day and age?

Change ain't easy...but it's possible.

Staying together for the kids is a dilemma that many spouses in troubled marriages wrestle with. Divorced couples may look back and wonder, "Should we have tried to make it work for the kids' sake?" Some reason that sacrificing their own happiness by staying in an unhappy marriage is a necessity to help ensure their children's happiness. Others ultimately decide to split because they don't want their children to learn that staying in a truly unhealthy marriage is "normal."

Which answer is right?

7 Surprising Answers to "Should We Stay Together For The Kids?" (from some Parents and Kids)

1. "I am staying because it’s the best thing for the kids and it’s the easiest thing for me. I will do my best to make them think everything is fine." – Parent

2. "Kids aren't dumb. They know when their parents are unhappy. Sometimes it better to have two awesome parents who aren't together than have two parents who are sad, miserable, unhappy and angry and, only sticking together for the sake of the children." – Child

3. "Leaving is hard, but I am so much happier. And my kids can see that. Sometimes you have to put yourself first. I felt selfish for thinking that way, but don't anymore." – Parent

4. "Our marriage was bad, but I was going to stay for our daughter. I was miserable but I wouldn't leave just so I could possibly be happy. He was unhappy, I was unhappy, but neither one of us left. Now, several years later, we own a home together, have another child, and we ARE happy. Together." – Parent

5. "My parents were in this situation, where the only reason they stayed together was because of the kids. As one of the kids I say LEAVE! Seriously, it's so much better with both my parents happy and away from each other. My life is better now, so are my mom and dad's." – Child

6. "I am married to a man I'm no longer madly in love with, and I won't leave because of the children. However, we are content together. We don't fight much, and the only thing we've lost is the early passion of our early marriage. I absolutely will not compromise my children's happy family life on the chance I might meet someone whom I am more physically compatible with." – Parent

7. "Sticking together for the kids does not work...been there done that. We know that's why you're together, and it affects our happiness too." – Child

So should you or shouldn't you stay together for the sake of kids?

Only you know where the shoe pinches - no one else.

Reference: "Secret Regrets: What If You Had A Second Chance?" by Kevin A. Hansen

MRbrownJAY: ^^^it's called REALITY. if you look at any subject with only your biased mind and ideology then you will never understand the issue.

I understand this specific subject quite well.

Some men and women rather be happy single than married and miserable.

Why?

They've observed most marriage folks, and found them wanting in happiness and contentment...bias and ideology be damned.

The pursuit of happiness is the aim of some singles and marriage doesn't figure into it.

bellong: OP,

Does your boyfriend/husband cheats on you?

Not to my knowledge.

But if I find out...his azz is grass!

I don't tolerate cheating!

For all those men and women that believe that a woman must submit to her husband and allow him to lead her, could you please answer the following questions:

For The Men:

1. Why do you believe submission is the recipe for long-term recipe success?
2. What is it you believe to be the key benefits of submitting for the female?
3. What does submitting to her husband bring to the woman and her life?
4. Why do some men label a woman a 'Single, Bitter Man-Hating Lesbian' when she shows she has a mind of her own, and will not hesitate to criticize negative, male attitudes and behaviors toward women, and refuse to submit to male authority?
5. Why do some men view a non-submissive woman as an attack on their manhood and pride?
6. Why do some men abuse and cheat on women who are totally and biblically submissive to them?
7. How would you feel if a woman leaves you, taking the kid/s with her, because she is fed up with your heavy-handed, domineering, controlling, dictorial, abusive, power-drunk ways - all in the name of "Woman, you must submit, because the Bible said so!"?
8. Why do some single men think women should categorically submit to men?
9. Why do some men physically threaten, physically abuse, threaten to take the children away and/or leave women who don't submit to them?
10. Why do some men choose to ignore the whole concept of submission, preferring instead to work together with their women to do whatever is necessary to benefit the household as a whole, rather than adopting a "What I say goes!" mentality, and in return reap the benefits of a happy home and happy children?

For The Women:

1. Why would a woman, in 2014, do anything in her life that was mandated and written by control freak men thousands of years ago, when women couldn't work, read, write, travel alone, own property, inherit property or money, vote, or even decide what to cook for dinner, unless their husband was involved?
2. Why would a strong, educated, loving woman of strength and character allow a man to dictate how she dresses, forbid her to wear makeup, ban her from socializing with friends, refuse her to work outside the home, further her education, take the money she works hard for, and demand she 'service' him whenever he pleases?
3. If you had a submissive relationship in the past but no longer find value in it - please explain what happened, and how have your views on submission have changed?
4. If you had a past submissive relationship and hated it, why are you now so much happier with a man who doesn't subscribe to the concept of submission?
5. Why do some women believe wifely submission means 'dumbing themselves down' to assuage men's fragile egos?
6. Why haven't smart, intelligent women discovered that men who demand women to subjugate themselves to them unconditionally tend to be those that lack confidence, are unsure of their se*ual prowess or physical attractiveness, or that feel they are lacking in some way and can't compete in the dating arena?
7. Why is it that smart, intelligent women haven't realized that a confident, self-assured man does not need or want a woman to submit or subjugate herself to him, because he is openly proud of her, acknowledges her skills and strengths, as she acknowledges his own skills and strengths, and embraces her as his equal partner?
8. Why is it that some women do not realize that a penis gives men no special powers, no increased abilities, no more knowledge or experience, doesn't make them smarter, better, faster or more superior, and does not entitle them to special privileges or rights, just because they're men, and, therefore, shouldn't be worshipped as demi-gods?
9. Why is it that some women don't realize that wifely submission is like a spreading cancer that is capable of destroying a woman's self-confidence and independent mind?
10. As a woman, are you willing to surrender your power and self to the control of men unconditionally, risking damage and possible destruction to the essence of your spirit, the very thing that makes you the strong, confident woman that you are?

Reference: "The New Christian Marriage" by Reverend Ayodele Johnson, Phd.

Some people aren't ready to end a relationship/marriage when they cheat.

In fact, many BFs/GFs/Spouses who are caught cheating actually never intended to break up or get a divorce. This is very confusing and frustrating, for the betrayed ones who are living in this situation. They often hear things like "I swear I never stopped loving you." "My cheating has nothing to do with you or our relationship or marriage." "It has nothing to do with my feelings for you."

How are betrayed BFs/GFs/Spouses supposed to believe this?

What is love anyway?

How can you claim to still love someone during and after you cheat on them?

Is it possible?

Is it possible that cheating can actually strengthen a relationship/marriage, reveal the reasons why a BF/GF/Spouse cheated, find ways to curtail future cheating, as well as help you understand yourself much more intimately?

Reference: marriagepartners.com

MRbrownJAY: @OP
there is a big difference between not wanting to get married AND living a celibate life away from women. if a man doesnt want to get married then so be it, thats his life, his priorities and his hustle, but that doesnt mean that he doesnt want/need the company of women, it just means that he doesnt want to commit to any ONE woman for the rest of his life, and instead wants to be free to "catch and release" as often as he wants to, without feeling guilty about his actions. in today's society, a man can get ALL the perks of marriage (from a woman) without being married to that said woman....... so why marry the cow when you can get the milk for free?!

also, sadly, many men dont want to accept the fact that being married is NOT easy, and any man who think otherwise is a damn dreamer. therefore, some men prefer to live a peaceful easier life by being honest to themselves and accept who they are, instead of deceiving themselves and their partner. i know that i (MBJ) do not have it me to be with ONE woman for the rest of my life (as i easily get tired of people, and I am not in the habit of faking it), and there is nothing wrong with that. many men and women out there are clueless and dont even know the meaning of marriage, and if you ask them WHY they want to get married, they will either bring some bible/qur'an scriptures bla bla bla OR simply want to do it because of family/social/financial or religious PRESSURE......while they are not adequately prepared/equipped for marriage.

men AND women change in marriage, and sadly, many men settle with the baby whale that t///bitter are we?heir (former) sexy attractive wife turned into, in the name of "marriage". many women settle with the pot bellied abusing and cheating monster that their (former) charming prince turned inti, in the name of "marriage. many men settle with their foul mouth, disrespectful and bitter wife that their (former) sweet caring and loving gf turned into, in the name of "marriage".

also, look at the state of woman (and men) today. the majority aint got shiit to offer anybody but a warm coochie (or some dikc). the majority are just good at killing your dreams the minute they connect with you; so many are so desperate to marry, and could with just about ANYBODY (they will even marry a donkey if it had enough money). so many are deluded and expect a man to save them from their miserable lives.....paying their school fees, their phone bills, their upkeep etc while it would be much more easier, cheaper AND WISER for a man to go settle the local cuum dump instead. Haba!!!!!

...bitter are we?

Why live in a county you hate?

Why live in a country where you're surrounded by people you hate?

Why not move to your ideal country or return home?

What's holding you back?

As some men approach 30, one of the most important decisions they make is getting married.

But after observing the marriages of close friends, they feel they are happier, wealthier, fitter and less stressed than their married friends and, they like being single. For them, life is too short to be weighed down by the burdens of marriage and parenthood or worse, knowing you should not have gotten married in the first place.

Society automatically paints a stereotype on men who hesitate, delay, or elect not to marry.

They are labeled as:

A) Womanizers who are unable to participate in a long term relationship
B) Selfish, childish or irresponsible men who can not take care of themselves or another person
C) Homose*ual
D) Mentally Ill

No other explanation is ever explored.

What are some of the reasons why increasing numbers of successful, eligible, unmarried men, who otherwise prefer monogamous long-term relationships, do not marry, do not date, and often stop looking for a woman at all - even if they want a woman in their lives?

If you could live anywhere in the world, other than Nigeria, where would you choose?

The human rights abuse record and uncooperative attitude of the Federal Government and its military authorities have been identified as factors hindering United States of America offering Nigeria effective security assistance.

Speaking on Thursday before the US House Foreign Affairs Sub-committee on Africa’s hearing entitled, ‘Human Rights Vetting: Nigeria and Beyond’, the Specialist at African Affairs Congressional Research Service, Lauren Blanchard, said the Nigerian government and its military had not been yielding to America’s suggestions.

The Congress heard that the main impediment to America’s efforts to support Nigeria’s broader response to Boko Haram is “gross violations committed by the Nigerian forces, the Nigerian government’s resistance to adopting a more comprehensive approach to Boko Haram, and the continued lack of political will” within the government to investigate allegations of human rights abuses and hold perpetrators accountable.

Blanchard told the Congress, “The Nigerian government also has appeared reticent in some cases to allow its security forces to participate in US training programmes. The State Department indicates that there are currently 187 Nigerian military units and 173 police units that have been vetted and cleared to receive U.S. assistance and training.

“It is unclear whether the Nigerian government has given approval for such training to occur. A 2013 State Department audit report noted that, in addition to human rights concerns, Nigeria’s late submission of names of candidates for assistance was a ‘recurring problem’ for the US embassy.

“Multiple systemic factors further constrain the effectiveness of the Nigerian security force’s response to Boko Haram, notably security sector corruption and mismanagement, and some of these factors impede US support even for units that have been cleared for assistance”.

Among the cleared units, she revealed, were Nigeria’s Speed Boat Service commando and the 101st Infantry Battalion, which the ACRS specialist said were best positioned to conduct hostage rescue operations, but “both reportedly require significant additional training”.

She added that the security relationship between Nigeria and the US was hampered by the lack of cooperation and systemic failure in Nigeria.

“The security relationship also has been hampered at times by a lack of cooperation from Nigerian officials and by systemic problems in the Nigerian military. Political and human rights concerns have been a prominent factor in shaping US-Nigeria relations for decades.

“State Department human rights reports have continued to highlight serious human rights violations by the Nigerian security forces every year. These violations include politically motivated and extrajudicial killings, excessive use of force, and torture,” Blanchard said at the hearing.

Despite about N1trn ($5.8b) security budget, the ACRS specialist said the “Nigerian troops are not adequately resourced or equipped” to counter Boko Haram insurgency. During the hearing, the American disclosed that the troops were “slow to adapt with new strategies, new doctrines and new tactics,” and described Nigeria as “an extremely challenging partner to work with.”

Source: punch.com

Photo - Chief of Army Staff, Lt.-Gen. Kenneth Minimah
| credits: www.nigerreporters.com