okpara ugo:

Tell Mrs. Chima that such women as your Ex. exist. The girl had such courage to molest you because you never fought back. Now imagine a man who loses his cool when that demon in your Ex. stirs her. Mrs. Chima will turn to blame you for hitting ur Ex. In defense.

Mrs. Chima made her points clear that the lady in question does not in any way act harsh towards her man, that she adores him. Since, she's too loving to the husband. Why does he(the husband) always smack her at any point in time.
One thing you have to know is that some men are naturally woman beaters or experienced such when growing. I have seen a situation where a man beats the wife because the food she served him had some sand in it. So, in your own sense. Do you think she deserves to be abused because of a minor sand?”Everybody make mistakes“. And, its not her fault that the sand entered the food she served him.
Take a look at the son, he also joined hands in beating the mother. So, tell me if the boy were to get married someday, what do you think his actions will be towards the wife? The boy learned it from his father. That's how it will continue to flow from there lineage. Eventually, there lineage will be filled with woman beaters.
Abusing a woman is not fair at all. And if a woman, acts harsh towards her man. Why stay in the relationship? Since, it will be filled with abuses from both sides. That's why its important for someone to know about his or her partner the more before they tie the knot.
I for once will never marry a lady that will raise her hands on a man for nothing serious or use abusive words on me. Cause i might lose it and beat her to death.

Mrs.Chima:


Surprising the girls react to their mother different than the son. They seems to be more protective of her than the son which confuses me. She do not deserve to be beaten to a pulp and I am sure she have sense enough not to hit her partner. The guy is abusive and crazy and I have always told her to be careful because when we first met he asked my husband how to he control me. My husband checked him and said never ask me anything personal about me or my wife. That is our business.

I asked my friend later why did her partner asked my husband such question and she said that her partner thinks I am too "free" and need to be control because I am too smart and outspoken.

I responded back just like this...... I told her to be careful and that fool is crazy. Weeks later I saw bruises on her face under her makeup. She is light in complexion so bruises are visible even with makeup.

Its sad to see that the fathers attitude is being imitated by the son. Very sad. And I can bet the husbands father exibited the same trait.
This is the very first time I'm hearing such and I can conclude without reservations that both the father and son need help. The son especially because the father is reaching or has reached his prime.

Women need to open their eyes. They need to follow reason and not their heart. The idea that a man will change his attitude after marriage or upon the arrival of their baby and all that is just wishful thinking. Forget all those tales by moonlight. This is you and your man or fiancé. Each person is unique. One thing is certain, a woman can rarely change a man. But a man can change a woman both physically, emotionally and mentally. With this in mind,
they need to sit down each night and look, with the eyes of a hawk, for hidden flaws in his character and then ask themselves if they are prepared to live with it. If it gets worse, how best to manage it. If it becomes intolerable, what backup do you have?.
These are some of the things women often overlook. Its easier for a man to just walk away but for a woman, it may take sometime.

Mrs Chima, I commend you for having an understanding the "buttons" that drives your hubby between anger and love. The decision not to press your hubby to intervene in the matter after your arguement is what most women wouldn't think of doing. Most would prefer to nag all the way, thinking that he would finally succomb to pressure, only to be greeted by a change in his attitude which ultimately affects her marriage. The saviour becomes the prey.

Please, folks, I may seem to drift off-topic but I am trying to buttress the fact that women needs to understand her man thoroughly before attempting marriage. This should be the main rule for women that are emotionally unstable like the woman in the topic.



Mrs.Chima, you have done your best. A lioness knows when to abandon a wayward cub least she dies trying to save him. Do all you can to support her. Maybe with time, like every other sane cubs, she would reason it out, disentangle herself and fall back to your support and start a new life afresh.

By the way, I hope you don't use your husband as any point of reference like ". . .if it were my husband. . ." or "Thank God for my husband. . .". Most women are fond of making useless sentences like that. It never does any good as the victim would try her possible best to stay on the relationship and make "a leopard to change his spots".

Good day to y'all.

it is true that they say "for better for worse", but at what point is enough,enough?

she cant be psychologically and emotional sound and happy with that kind of environment.

evreyone deserves to be happy.and ur friend is not left out

*Kails*:




I think sherm heads have officially made comebacks on NL.

Are u referring to the donor of the spermatozoa that brought u here?
Na Dog go chop that ur burnt teeth

mercurie:
What do u mean by that? Can u give ur sister dis advice or u can stand and watch ur Father beat ur mother

See this bonga fish with burnt sets of gapped teeth and a product of brutalised home. How dare u?

@topic, it is not all about leaving the abusive spouse, bt wat wld Βε̲̣̣̣̥ the fate of the woman after leaving. My own case goes this way, ‎​i married a̶̲̥̅̊ man who W̶̲̥̅̊åS̤̈̊ so loving truout the relationship, b4 our marriage ‎​i stoped working and told him ‎​i wanted to learn fashion design, he allowed M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ and paid for it, after our marriage the weetness turned sour, constant beatin which sometimes ended in the hospital and sometimes he beats M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ naked till ‎​i faint and the whole neighbourhood gather round my naked body, even though my husband lives in netherlands while ‎​i live in nigeria this is usually my fate each time he comes home, ‎​i got pregnant and had a̶̲̥̅̊ son, all tru my pregnancy he tormented M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ even though we don't life together, he calls my father a̶̲̥̅̊ poor ansd sick man, he calls my mother a̶̲̥̅̊ prostitute, he told M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ he wld one day sleep wit my sister, all these put strains and stress on M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ during my pregnancy, ‎​i ended up giving birth by CS which he paid for bt he later told M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ he paid for it hoping tht ‎​i wld die in the operating room, right now he has promised to make M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ cripple wen he comes next month, ‎​i plan to run away wit my son b4 he comes so he doesn't harm us and ‎​i also want to get a̶̲̥̅̊ divorce, I've made up my mind bt the question is how do ‎​i survive wit my son as ‎​i don't av a̶̲̥̅̊ job. So telling a̶̲̥̅̊ woman to leave is not a̶̲̥̅̊ bad idea at all but wat happens to her wen she lives, how wld she survive financially especially is children are involved

^^^
If what you wrote above is true, you don't have to leave! You MUST RUN!
Better you die of hunger than in his hands!

joymary7: @topic, it is not all about leaving the abusive spouse, bt wat wld Βε̲̣̣̣̥ the fate of the woman after leaving. My own case goes this way, ‎​i married a̶̲̥̅̊ man who W̶̲̥̅̊åS̤̈̊ so loving truout the relationship, b4 our marriage ‎​i stoped working and told him ‎​i wanted to learn fashion design, he allowed M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ and paid for it, after our marriage the weetness turned sour, constant beatin which sometimes ended in the hospital and sometimes he beats M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ naked till ‎​i faint and the whole neighbourhood gather round my naked body, even though my husband lives in netherlands while ‎​i live in nigeria this is usually my fate each time he comes home, ‎​i got pregnant and had a̶̲̥̅̊ son, all tru my pregnancy he tormented M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ even though we don't life together, he calls my father a̶̲̥̅̊ poor ansd sick man, he calls my mother a̶̲̥̅̊ prostitute, he told M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ he wld one day sleep wit my sister, all these put strains and stress on M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ during my pregnancy, ‎​i ended up giving birth by CS which he paid for bt he later told M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ he paid for it hoping tht ‎​i wld die in the operating room, right now he has promised to make M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ cripple wen he comes next month, ‎​i plan to run away wit my son b4 he comes so he doesn't harm us and ‎​i also want to get a̶̲̥̅̊ divorce, I've made up my mind bt the question is how do ‎​i survive wit my son as ‎​i don't av a̶̲̥̅̊ job. So telling a̶̲̥̅̊ woman to leave is not a̶̲̥̅̊ bad idea at all but wat happens to her wen she lives, how wld she survive financially especially is children are involved

Madam if what u have said is true, i think u shld really sit back and think about what is best for YOU and the children too.

women alwys stay 4 d sake of kids bt do u know what dis environment is doing to dis kids at the moment?

if u die in d process,u will not be der to worry about how ur kids will fare. u will be blamed for not saving u and ur kids.

talk to ur family about everything.talk to a counsellor or someone qualified 4 dis kinda issue.

as long as ders life, ders hope.

a dead person cant make a change.

violence should not be condoned.

Xionez:


Its sad to see that the fathers attitude is being imitated by the son. Very sad. And I can bet the husbands father exibited the same trait.
This is the very first time I'm hearing such and I can conclude without reservations that both the father and son need help. The son especially because the father is reaching or has reached his prime.

Women need to open their eyes. They need to follow reason and not their heart. The idea that a man will change his attitude after marriage or upon the arrival of their baby and all that is just wishful thinking. Forget all those tales by moonlight. This is you and your man or fiancé. Each person is unique. One thing is certain, a woman can rarely change a man. But a man can change a woman both physically, emotionally and mentally. With this in mind,
they need to sit down each night and look, with the eyes of a hawk, for hidden flaws in his character and then ask themselves if they are prepared to live with it. If it gets worse, how best to manage it. If it becomes intolerable, what backup do you have?.
These are some of the things women often overlook. Its easier for a man to just walk away but for a woman, it may take sometime.

Mrs Chima, I commend you for having an understanding the "buttons" that drives your hubby between anger and love. The decision not to press your hubby to intervene in the matter after your arguement is what most women wouldn't think of doing. Most would prefer to nag all the way, thinking that he would finally succomb to pressure, only to be greeted by a change in his attitude which ultimately affects her marriage. The saviour becomes the prey.

Please, folks, I may seem to drift off-topic but I am trying to buttress the fact that women needs to understand her man thoroughly before attempting marriage. This should be the main rule for women that are emotionally unstable like the woman in the topic.



Mrs.Chima, you have done your best. A lioness knows when to abandon a wayward cub least she dies trying to save him. Do all you can to support her. Maybe with time, like every other sane cubs, she would reason it out, disentangle herself and fall back to your support and start a new life afresh.

By the way, I hope you don't use your husband as any point of reference like ". . .if it were my husband. . ." or "Thank God for my husband. . .". Most women are fond of making useless sentences like that. It never does any good as the victim would try her possible best to stay on the relationship and make "a leopard to change his spots".

Good day to y'all.

I have no intention on comparing my husband to her husband for my husband is my husband. I simply tell her that she shouldn't accept blame for loving a man that beat her but she should love herself more to protect herself and her children from harm ways.

goofie:

Madam if what u have said is true, i think u shld really sit back and think about what is best for YOU and the children too.

women alwys stay 4 d sake of kids bt do u know what dis environment is doing to dis kids at the moment?

if u die in d process,u will not be der to worry about how ur kids will fare. u will be blamed for not saving u and ur kids.

talk to ur family about everything.talk to a counsellor or someone qualified 4 dis kinda issue.

as long as ders life, ders hope.

a dead person cant make a change.

violence should not be condoned.

I tried to contact her family and to no avail failed. I also contacted a family member of his that worked with a mutual associate about the ordeal. I don't know if the family are planning to intervene but at least they know what is going on.

jhydebaba:
See this bonga fish with burnt sets of gapped teeth and a product of brutalised home. How dare u?

Are you on your period

joymary7: @topic, it is not all about leaving the abusive spouse, bt wat wld Βε̲̣̣̣̥ the fate of the woman after leaving. My own case goes this way, ‎​i married a̶̲̥̅̊ man who W̶̲̥̅̊åS̤̈̊ so loving truout the relationship, b4 our marriage ‎​i stoped working and told him ‎​i wanted to learn fashion design, he allowed M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ and paid for it, after our marriage the weetness turned sour, constant beatin which sometimes ended in the hospital and sometimes he beats M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ naked till ‎​i faint and the whole neighbourhood gather round my naked body, even though my husband lives in netherlands while ‎​i live in nigeria this is usually my fate each time he comes home, ‎​i got pregnant and had a̶̲̥̅̊ son, all tru my pregnancy he tormented M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ even though we don't life together, he calls my father a̶̲̥̅̊ poor ansd sick man, he calls my mother a̶̲̥̅̊ prostitute, he told M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ he wld one day sleep wit my sister, all these put strains and stress on M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ during my pregnancy, ‎​i ended up giving birth by CS which he paid for bt he later told M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ he paid for it hoping tht ‎​i wld die in the operating room, right now he has promised to make M̶̲̥̅Ε̲̣̣̣̥ cripple wen he comes next month, ‎​i plan to run away wit my son b4 he comes so he doesn't harm us and ‎​i also want to get a̶̲̥̅̊ divorce, I've made up my mind bt the question is how do ‎​i survive wit my son as ‎​i don't av a̶̲̥̅̊ job. So telling a̶̲̥̅̊ woman to leave is not a̶̲̥̅̊ bad idea at all but wat happens to her wen she lives, how wld she survive financially especially is children are involved

First thing I would do is contact your family and let your family know what is going on. Ask your family to help you and if they aren't willing or incapable then I would plan an effective escape plan. I always encourage my clients to leave when the time is right meaning that you have someone to help you escape and you have somewhere to go.

Since you guys live in separate housing then you should start looking for a job or create a business that doesn't require much money....cleaning business or something. It is much easier for you to do this since you are not living with your abuser. Contact a friend that you can trust and ask her to help you plan...she may even support with resources of her own.

If you were in America...I would have suggest contacting a domestic violence agency that will be effective as well.

Good luck!

goofie: it is true that they say "for better for worse", but at what point is enough,enough?

she cant be psychologically and emotional sound and happy with that kind of environment.

evreyone deserves to be happy.and ur friend is not left out

For better and worse doesn't involve attempted murder.

okekwumusa: Are you the one that marry your husband, look at they way you were talking to him concerning another persons matter.

What? Where on this thread have I indicated how I speak to my husband First of all I never directly told my husband about the incident until he heard one of the kids mentioned their father beating their mother and thanking me for inviting them over for dinner at times.

My husband is highly intelligent and can put 2 and 2 to four. He asked me and I told him the truth. That's when he told me not to get involve and he doesn't want to hurt anyone for messing with his wife. I simply asked him if it was his sister or mother..what would he do.

He simply said in Nigeria...people mind their business about other couples' affairs. I said okay and he knew I was mad at him.

So again....where did it indicate in above statement I was talking to my husband any kind of way simply because I asked him a question

okpara ugo:

Tell Mrs. Chima that such women as your Ex. exist. The girl had such courage to molest you because you never fought back. Now imagine a man who loses his cool when that demon in your Ex. stirs her. Mrs. Chima will turn to blame you for hitting ur Ex. In defense.

[size=22pt]First of all YOU CLEARLY DIDN'T READ MOST OF MY POSTS. If you did...you would have also seen that I said the only reason physical violence should occur is when SELF DEFENSE IS NECESSARY.[/size]

It doesn't matter if it is male or female. Next time read before comment.

okpara ugo:

Madam, am not married. Can you send me your sister

Am too clean to experience such. Okay

No thanks. She is into young men.

SAFO: Mrs chima there's really not much you can do. It's good your friend has you in her corner to confide in but if she's not willing to leave all you can really do is be there for her when she needs you. I also agree with your husband, you have no dog in this fight and as much as you may want to intervene, you'll probably only end up doing more harm to her than good. Especially if she's one of those types of women that breaks up and makes up all the time. One minute she might loathe him and then the next week she'll be in his corner resenting you.

No, just do your beat to be her friend, that's all you can really do.

How you gon take Oga Chima's side. Men!

De~Blunt:
I was so glad when I saw this topic, cos I just broke up with my girl few days ago cos of physical abuse suprisingly am the victim here and the guy.

She physically abused me six times in our one year relationship and eachtime I had serious injuries and bruises. She would always cry and plead after each incident. She was so jealous and insecure.

Now many would ask why did I let her get away with it? Well I wasn't brought up to hit a woman, my dad never did and he even made me put my sisters first when growing up. The first time my dad hit me was when I fought my sister at the age of ten. Secondly I couldn't imagine inflicting harm on someone I really cared about. But my ex had the fiercest anger I've only seen in few men, her anger and the power with which she hits is simply unimaginable. I almost lost a finger to her few weeks ago when she attacked me, as I tried to defend myself, my finger mistakenly ended up in her mouth and she almost bit it off with her teeth. It was horrible.

I thought she would outgrow her jealosy and insecurity but she didn't, she just needed another excuse to attack me.

She was wrong for attacking you and good thing you got out of it before one of you guys are dead.

okpara ugo: Once you discover you are in a relationship that often tends to go physical, quit before it gets into marraige. The man or woman could be the bad egg there.

Some people have high tolerance for violence and some people have low tolerance for violence. I have none and the day I am hit is the day I will leave.

I don't care if it is 40 years down the line....I don't hit unless in self defense and others shouldn't hit me unless in self defense.

Bottom line.

Mrs.Chima:


For better and worse doesn't involve attempted murder.

no it doesnt. thats why action should be taken before it will be a sadder story.

but first,ur friend shld also be in agreement with what u r doing.so that it wont be like u r swallowing panadol for headache dt shes not willing to let go of.

goofie:

no it doesnt. thats why action should be taken before it will be a sadder story.

but first,ur friend shld also be in agreement with what u r doing.so that it wont be like u r swallowing panadol for headache dt shes not willing to let go of.

You are right....she didn't ask me to help her and I just offered her my help without her asking me. If I didn't see the bruises then It would have been much easier for me to ignore but I can't ignore knowing I know.

The good thing is...she knows I will help her if she decides to reach out for help.

Mrs.Chima:


The part where you didn't understand my statement...I said that I have helped women leave their abusive partners but for some reason I can't convince her to leave her partner. She is left her hometown to be with him so she doesn't have family members she can call in the area.

Hope you understand now.

Ope U̶̲̥̅̊ re not breaking ppl's home in d name of helping them ?

Simply put, annyone that dates an abusive person, the both of them would need to have their brains re-examined... 'cos insanity may not be too far

Mrs.Chima:


You are right....she didn't ask me to help her and I just offered her my help without her asking me. If I didn't see the bruises then It would have been much easier for me to ignore but I can't ignore knowing I know.

The good thing is...she knows I will help her if she decides to reach out for help.

nudge her and persuade her to get help and then u can assist her while shes doing that.

i think ur husband is trying to protect u from being d one in d middle cos sometimes whn couples quarrel and settle, d person dt ws trying to help becomes d enemy.

goofie:


nudge her and persuade her to get help and then u can assist her while shes doing that.

i think ur husband is trying to protect u from being d one in d middle cos sometimes whn couples quarrel and settle, d person dt ws trying to help becomes d enemy.

You can't help a bad, violent, or troubled relationship by talking or advising just one person! What mrs Chima is doing is the right thing but the wrong way! Thanks to America! If she try it in a place like naija, she might even be the one in the sack instead of the abused woman.
Yes some men need help so does some women. If the problem is the man's fault and you succed in doing whatever you call what you do to this women, what help have you rendered? You simply wrecked a home/marriage because the man still need help and the problem is still there. It's crazy how people think they have answers or solution to other people's marriage! No marriage is semilar to another so why implement or introduce what work for you or in your house to another woman in the name of helping. Mr Chima might asked you not to involve yourself and play cool even if you do! Some men out there will rain on you!
All am simply saying is if you want to help this woman or her marriage do it all the way! Don't wreck their home by getting her out of her marriage and not solving the man's problem if he's the one that need help because he will marry another woman and the problem continue and that will also take you back to square one since you like doing what you do!

Singalex:

Ope U̶̲̥̅̊ re not breaking ppl's home in d name of helping them ?

Huh

Mrs.Chima:


Are you on your period

Do you have chewing gum plastered on your eyes

jhydebaba: NO!!! I am on HEAT.

jhydebaba:
Do you have chewing gum plastered on your eyes

Chew these nuts.

Mrs.Chima:


Chew these nuts.

Mr Chima will love it better, so kindly give it to him.

What are you guys chewing again?

@mrs chima long time me no hear 4rm u.
@topic the abused woman needs ur help ,do whateva u can to save a soul. That nigga most def needs a slug in his anus for totally disrespecting a woman like that

In nigeria beating is very common , maybe its an african thing and the girls don't see it as an abuse ,they think its cuz he luvs them. Seriously in evri 20 women that that I have met its only 1 that has not been abused. A lot of Pipu around me have this mentality of heating their women weneva their women gets them angry. Our women have conformed to the idea and they don't see it as abuse

True life story: I wus dating this girl then. She wus very rude and disrespectful. After managing her for a while. I decided to quit ,only for her to show up one day with tears on her eyes crying that I broke her hart,I thot it wus a joke. But later confirmed. She said she prefered beating to breaking up,that as luvers we can have misunderstanding and seetle it withuot breaking up. And I wus like whaaaaat the f/uck

@mrs chima long time me no hear 4rm u.
@topic the abused woman needs ur help ,do whateva u can to save a soul. That nigga most def needs a slug in his anus for totally disrespecting a woman like that

In nigeria beating is very common , maybe its an african thing and the girls don't see it as an abuse ,they think its cuz he luvs them. Seriously in evri 20 women that that I have met its only 1 that has not been abused. A lot of Pipu around me have this mentality of heating their women weneva their women gets them angry. Our women have conformed to the idea and they don't see it as abuse

True life story: I wus dating this girl then. She wus very rude and disrespectful. After managing her for a while. I decided to quit ,only for her to show up one day with tears on her eyes crying that I broke her hart,I thot it wus a joke. But later confirmed. She said she prefered beating to breaking up,that as luvers we can have misunderstanding and seetle it withuot breaking up. And I wus like whaaaaat the f/uck