Stay wit him.

Am nt gonna discourage u bt so many guys hv dumped the lady that helped in making them what they were.
If u are well convince that he's going to stick wt u later,then go ahead wt ur plans bt d decision is urs.

thats my boy talking.

4bobo:
OK SIR, NOTED

U R A BIG LIAR 2 say al dis,u cn only xperience this wen u r under a spell or som spiritual tinz ok:u r kidin

4bobo: DONT JUST USE ONLY PUBLIC OPINION, PLEASE, PRAY,PRAY, PRAY HARD. THIS IS YOUR LIFE AND YOUR FUTURE. IT IS A MATTER OF TIME THAT EVERY THING YOU SEE MAY BE A REALITY. I AM NOT AGAINST THE GUY BUT PLEASE NEVER WALK WITH YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING.
MY BLOOD SISTER STAYED WITH A MAN FROM THE SCRATCH (SOMEONE THAT WEARS A SINGLE SHIRT FOR A WHOLE WEEK, SCHOOL CERT HOLDER, AND SOMEONE THAT PREACHES UP AND DOWN IN MOLUE THEN- i am not agaist that but just to show you his level then while my sister was a graduate and a fashion designer)DESPITE SHE HAD MANY PEOPLE THAT WANTED TO MARRY HER THEN. SHE STAYED IN THE RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE THE MAN WAS A YOUNG HARDWORKING PASTOR THAT SHOWED A LOT OF COMMITMENT. THAT WAS IN LATE 80S. NOW THE STORY IS DIFFERENT AS SHE UNDERGO SERIES OF BEATING AND HUMILIATION FROM THE SAME MAN AFTER HE BELIEVED HE HAD ARRIVED,TRAVELED WIDE, AND ACHIEVED SO MUCH CONGRAGATION AND FAME IN LAGOS. MY SISTER IS NO MORE BEAUTIFUL AFTER 2 KIDS. AS I AM TALKING TO YOU NOW, SHE HAS BEEN THROWN OUT OF THE HOUSE WITHOUT TAKING ANY THING, DESPITE THE FACT THAT BIG PASTORS AND BISHOPS INTERVENED.
I AM JUST TELLING YOU THAT YOU NEED PRAYER AND WISDOM MORE THAN ANYTHING IN ADDITION TO ADVICE GIVEN HERE. MEN,CAN CHANGE AND TIRED OF RELATIONSHIP FASTER THAN WOMEN ANY TIME (especially when we don money), LIKEWISE YOU WOMEN. BUT THE LEVEL OF MEN CHANGING IS FAR HIGHER THAN THAT OF WOMEN. IT TAKES A MAN THAT IS VERY PASSIONATE AND COMMITED TO STAY IN SUCH A RELATIONSHIP WHEN MADE . THATS WHY DONT LEAN ON YOUR UNDERSTANDING. BUT IT MAY PAY YOU OFF SO FAR YOU STIL RESIDE IN AMERICA. I REST MY CASE.

Op,
It's very nice and admirable that you love him for who he is.
I hope he is worth it sha. Because not all men end up appreciating chicks with your mindset...it takes a man of integrity to remember words of promise made when things were not so rosy.

If you do decide to stay with him, keep it in mind that this is life and when it comes to people we let in our lives, nothing is guaranteed. And in the interim, keep developing yourself too!

do you want him for the attributes and vision he has?

does the money and status satisfies your parents answer about him as your boyfriend?

would you like him to think about you in the same light you are now when he becomes a millionaire and says your family status is way below his?

what matters to you, your world with him or your world with everybody?

are you happy and i mean truly happy with him?

dear there are so many questions that might have gone thru your head but the good thing about it is that all those questions have one answer, you either say yes or say no. only shallow people get involved with others cus of their status or position, you are smart so it only depends on what makes you happy.
Just consider the above questions and ask yourself if being with him makes you happy or you are happy cus everybody likes him in your society.

you dont have to rush things take each day in the relationship has it comes knowing you want to grow and plan a future, what your future plan entails would determine if you still want him in your life or not. alot of shallow object,things (fame,money,status,e.t.c) becloud happiness in the mind of women, and they miss out of what would have been a wonderful life and not an expensive one.

what is ur heart telling u from deep within? r u at peace with him?

leaving him or staying are both risks and decisions u have to take on ur own. no one cn do that for u.pray hard. God knows more than nairaland

nwgoziri: U R A BIG LIAR 2 say al dis,u cn only xperience this wen u r under a spell or som spiritual tinz ok:u r kidin

I am not lying my man and i am not kidding. many women are facing alot in thier marriage and relationship .Thats the truth. Even the pastor i am writing about is saying nothing wrong for him to marry again . It may not be on the newspapaer but i really know what is happening and i will never take side cos it s my sister that is involved.Its happening every where. See the trend at which ,even some nigerian pastors are divorcing their wives. I wont mention names,but the facts are there. do you want to tell me that many of the women involved didnt struggle with them from the scratch? JUST THINKING.

k2039:
The way you went through the journey with me

Are you an inter-state driver

Okontami: @Poster, please stay with him. There is dignity in that. That is called real value. He will appreciate you for life and will never joke with you or your emotions. He will treasure you. I went out with my wife for 10 years before getting married to her. She was there for me thru thick and thin. When I was writing my professional exams we were doing it together. When I was going for interviews, she will be there for me. She fed me for a whole semester in the university. Today (12 years after). I have almost half of my properties in her name. She have access to all my accounts, my internet banking credentials. She does not doubt my love for her. In fact I am happily married. I respect her for staying by me ,when ladies out there told me to my face that " is it your love I will eat" or " I can not date a student". Honestly today those chicks are happily married too I know but am sure they cannot point out one value they have added to their relationships. Please watch the advise you listen to here on Nairaland. There are lot of hungry girls with no virtue or value to add to any man here.

Your wife is one in a million. This struck me ''she fed me for a whole semester''.

marshpearl: cant believe ladies like this still exist . . @ op. .when he makes it big. .u'll be his greatest trophy . .

hmm i pray sha..
@op what if dz Guy hit it big and said to you that u re not his class

okpara ugo:


Are you an inter-state driver

See jamb question

okpara ugo:

Your wife is one in a million. This struck me ''she fed me for a whole semester''.

That's some deep shtt I tell you. And I think @Oko took a huge risk on that one considering the kind of mentality that Africans generally have, if I feed you I'm God. @Oko, Does she have sisters or friends like her? Help a brother out.

My dear there are a few things in your (you anjd your guy)favour:
(1) you love each other
(2) You appreciates that he's himself
(3) You guys are not rushing into things (even though marrying you would secure him green card).
(4) You are both still young and can see how things go over the next few years-no pressure
(5) etc

A few things not so much in your favour.
(1) Your parents have a certain idea that their lovely daughter should bring home an already made man (nice house, job, cars and all). At least you think they do.
(2) You guys are from different countries. Even within Ghana (Gas, Northerners and Ashantis etc) and within Nigeria (Ibos, Northerners and Youbas etc) can even be suspicious of each other. So prejudice is abundant everywhere.
(3) You love your guy but you still toy with the idea of leaving him (you asked for advice about this) to marry the guy of "your parents' dream". So you have doubts.
(4) It takes too to tango. You don't know if your guy really wants to settle down with you. Perhaps he wants to but he's all too aware of the class/security difference between both of you. He wants to be made first so that you can proudly present him.
(5) etc

If you wait for him there are two things. It can work or cannot work.
If it works you are safe. If going sour and you have the Grace and favour of God to avoid disaster you are safe.
If you lack the wisdom to avert it, there are two things.
It's either you were never meant for each other or you were not mature enough to make it work.
If you were not meant for each other, que sera sera you are safe.
If you were not mature enough to make it work, friends and family who were aginst it in the first place will say "I TOLD YOU SO".

All in all, look into heart and what you really want. Ask yourself which things are superficial or vain and which are really worth it.
Bon Courage!

Hmm well, IMO you are a bit young to be talking about settling down.
Has he made it known to you that he wants to settle with you?
Has he asked to meet your parents?
Wouldn't it be best to just enjoy the relationship and see where it leads?
Stay with your man and give him all the support he needs, if its meant to be, believe me it will be.

@POSTER,first you sound uncertain of this guy's future and acceptance in your community, but i want to ask you this sincere question, "WHY ARE YOU IN THIS RELATIONSHIP?" if you can answer that..every other thing is simple.

freecocoa: Hmm well, IMO you are a bit young to be talking about settling down.
Has he made it known to you that he wants to settle with you?
Has he asked to meet your parents?
Wouldn't it be best to just enjoy the relationship and see where it leads?
Stay with your man and give him all the support he needs, if its meant to be, believe me it will be.

22 years is not young o, abeg no repeat that word again. a woman should be married latest 26. so by 22 you should be preparing for your wedding.

honeric01:

22 years is not young o, abeg no repeat that word again. a woman should be married latest 26. so by 22 you should be preparing for your wedding.

She should be preparing for wedding by 22 you say?
Oya go marry her na.

al has bin sed.folow ur hat

freecocoa: She should be preparing for wedding by 22 you say?
Oya go marry her na.

She didn't say she was looking for who to marry her na.. i am just saying 22 is not too young to think about marriage unless you want to settle down by 30 or higher as a woman or you don't care about dating/courting.

Its the best thing to do rather than going for the ready made big boys

honeric01:

She didn't say she was looking for who to marry her na.. i am just saying 22 is not too young to think about marriage unless you want to settle down by 30 or higher as a woman or you don't care about dating/courting.

If you cared enough to really comprehend her post, you'd realize that all she said was pointing towards marriage, she sounded like she was more interested in settling with him than enjoying dating him.
I'm not saying she shouldn't think about marriage, I'm saying she should date first and see where it leads, instead of sounding desperate to settle down.

goofie: what is ur heart telling u from deep within? r u at peace with him?

leaving him or staying are both risks and decisions u have to take on ur own. no one cn do that for u.pray hard. God knows more than nairaland

Exactly. With all the shout outs she is getting from the thread isn't going to comfort her when the storm hit. She need to make sure that no matter what happens that both can weather it together.

If he isn't that type to stand strong...then you have to make a decision because trust and believe as long as you are alive...storms will come.

Akin-David:
@POSTER,first you sound uncertain of this guy's future and acceptance in your community, but i want to ask you this sincere question, "WHY ARE YOU IN THIS RELATIONSHIP?" if you can answer that..every other thing is simple.

Good question.

.

ITbomb: FIRST TO COMMENT
GOOD START FOR THE WEEK
#WHATDOESTHISMEANSEF

You are a very BIG FOOL. It seems you don't have a sister or have never found yourself at crossroads. Be a grown up and talk like one too.
@OP..... Please stick to the guy.

True2myself24: Okay so I will try to make this as simple and short as I possibly can. I’ve been in a relationship with this wonderful man for about nine months now. He’s Nigerian and he’s 26 and I’m Ghanaian and I’m 22.

Well, I met him through a friend one day at church; we talked and exchanged numbers and having been talking ever since.

Now in order to understand my situation I’ll tell you a bit about him, he has a BSc degree in engineering from Asia and is currently working on getting his Master’s in computer science.

However, when I first met him he was living in a motel and working at a restaurant because as you know, foreign degrees can only take you so far in America, and he is supporting himself on his own. So in spite of that obstacle he worked hard, and saved some money to move into an apartment and has just started his Master’s degree program.

When I first met him, I won’t lie, I didn’t want to commit to the relationship or get too serious because I kept thinking about the fact that he wasn’t yet settled and it would be very hard bringing him into my community but I gave it a chance because I tend to be friends with people that others probably won’t notice or that are different in some way.

So I got to know him and he’s the most patient, calmest, and loving man I’ve ever met. He’s not perfect but he is who he is and I love him for it. We’ve both been talking about making our relationship long term, like working towards marriage when we’re done with our Master’s. But it may take him a bit longer to get settled down because he is depending on himself to start his life, whereas, I’m blessed to have my parent’s umbrella of security over my head.

Plus I’ve lived in the US all my life so I have easier access to certain job opportunities whereas he’s an immigrant. I’ve asked people for advice and they say that I should wait until he builds himself up before committing to him in a serious relationship, but I think that isn’t fair.

I know being with a man as he builds himself up from scratch isn’t an easy thing, but I love him enough to try. Honestly, I wish I could bring him home and introduce him to friends and family but right now isn’t the right time because if you know how African parents are, what am I going to tell my parents, “well he doesn’t have a real job or a car yet, but he has a degree and is working towards it.” You know they won’t be accepting of that.

They would want to see the finished product. But I believe that when you watch someone start from scratch and grow into their potential, you’re relationship will be much more fulfilling as you look back at where you guys started.

So I want to know, in this situation should I commit to him or let him go and focus on guys that are already ready to settle or almost ready. I do love my boyfriend; don’t get me wrong. When it’s just us in our own little world nothing matters and I don’t care about the fact that he doesn’t have much because I know that he’s working towards it, but it’s when I bring him into my world that I’m reminded of our differences.

So what should I do? And please be respectful with your responses. Thanks.

First let me ask you this, What do you think is your world? Well I feel the best solution to your question is to see and take him as a friend you are helping to build his own world to be like yours. Friendship and love thrives with sacrifice. Do what your mind tells you.

@ op,pls don't keep all ur hope in him.
Develop ur self cos most men don't remember
girls that stayed with them when the going was
tough. Remember that his people will surface
when he will want to marry and will try to chose
his wife for him. Jst use wisdom and follow
ur heart. Good luck

ORAFA: You are a very BIG FOOL. It seems you don't have a sister or have never found yourself at crossroads. Be a grown up and talk like one too.
@OP..... Please stick to the guy.

That was harsh!

Op stick to ur man. If you go through thick and thin with him, the more he will cherish and value you. Its good to know you also have focus about your future and you're also the type that will be supportive of your man from what your post says. Keep it up, and please don't listen to advices from gold diggers who are looking for 'ready made' men.

Cheers!
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.
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Don't forget to pray.

freecocoa: If you cared enough to really comprehend her post, you'd realize that all she said was pointing towards marriage, she sounded like she was more interested in settling with him than enjoying dating him.
I'm not saying she shouldn't think about marriage, I'm saying she should date first and see where it leads, instead of sounding desperate to settle down.

Na you no read her well, she said the relationship looks like the one heading to the alter, not like she is getting married at 22. read am 3 times if possible.

We’ve both been talking about making our relationship long term, like working towards marriage when we’re done with our Master’s.

let me be first one to tell you the truth about men. from the beginning of the relationship, the man knows already weather hes is going to marry the girl he is in relationship or not regardless of the amount of years you guys spend together as a relationship. i think you should focus on completing your education first and support him if he needed. but don't put your hopes up that he will marry you when he get all his paper and degree. that's why most woman are heart broken nowadays because the put too much into the relationship and the get rejected at the end. for example, there was this girl that help me through out me medical school career for 6 years, she gave me money, car, and even shelter, but at the end, i dump her because she wasnt my type.