Mrs.Chima:


Exactly. With all the shout outs she is getting from the thread isn't going to comfort her when the storm hit. She need to make sure that no matter what happens that both can weather it together.

If he isn't that type to stand strong...then you have to make a decision because trust and believe as long as you are alive...storms will come.

Great advice. It's one thing for her to feel so strongly and supportive but I'm more concerned with the state of the guys heart and mind.He has to be able to stand strong because obstacles would come.

Op... Hope you have listen to this song from justin bieber.... As long as you love me, we can homeless we can be broke.

Change and uncertainties are constant in life. You can't tell the future. You don't if he'll stick with you if he eventually gets rich or if he'll be broke forever. However, from the few descriptions you gave of him, it seems he's a hardworking man (he has a bright future) and he has a conscience (he won't leave you when he's made it), he also loves you dearly. so i'll advice you stick with him.

miketonic: let me be first one to tell you the truth about men. from the beginning of the relationship, the man knows already weather hes is going to marry the girl he is in relationship or not regardless of the amount of years you guys spend together as a relationship. i think you should focus on completing your education first and support him if he needed. but don't put your hopes up that he will marry you when he get all his paper and degree. that's why most woman are heart broken nowadays because the put too much into the relationship and the get rejected at the end. for example, there was this girl that help me through out me medical school career for 6 years, she gave me money, car, and even shelter, but at the end, i dump her because she wasnt my type.

badt guy and very practical

u re my kind of Girl

what concerns nl for goodness sake?

so if things dont work out exactly the way you're planning, you'll come back and say nlers were the ones who told you to marry?

because you say you're 22, you just dey shakara everywhere, abi?

better be careful before 22 turns to 32 while you're still considering "prospects"

Stay with him but use ur head as well,cos the guy might or might not be worth it afterall.infact do what ur head tells u and not ur heart cos the heart could be emotional but ur head tells you the truth as it is.,

if you want to marry someone, you are the one who should be sure of why you are marrying.


if you contribute nothing sensible to the relationship besides yapping about some "prospects", then be careful what you wish for.

nigerian men in particular can be very tricky in this area. You never hear maradona, when they dribble you a few times, you start abusing males in general.

DJDOLA: 2 long jaree am tired of readin but it seems u are talkin about marry abi?well am not marry don't no wat 2 say

. How can you read when you cannot even spell well.SMH

My sister, am going to be very practical with you. If u really love this guy, your parents opinion dont count. You're ghanian and he's nigerian(both west african). you've lived all your life in the US so l expect u to think like an american not like the average african. He's hardworkin and progressin gradually. He loves you and you love him too. My question is, do u love him more to see him blossom and become like the "so called status your parents desire". If your parent are self made and didn't inherit wealth, they will value this young man.

He's a graduate, also workin on his masters, an immigrant that now has his own apartment. Haha, The best your can do for this young man is to persuade your dad to help him get a "real job" as u noted. He doesn't av a car. So what. Don't marry a man because of what he drives but be sensitive to what drives him. In this case, your man is driven by a strong passion to succeed and a desire to make you happy. True love is about taking away all those material things and still have that strong feelin for that special person.

LOVE is about TALKING. When you call someone your "soulmate", there should be no limit to communication. Nothing should be hidden. True love should be 100%. Women are emotional and men are logical. Women thrive on communication and men thrive on information. If you really love him, you will talk to him; you will also listen to him. As u said he's patient, calm and very loving. All you can do is to help him grow.

Where there is no communication, there is no information and where there is no information, there is no understanding. To understand your partner, you need to constantly communicate and inform that person. So tell me how can you do both if you don't talk.

Its so sad that we're all engulfed in what l call the "burden of culture and tradition". please learn to talk more to boost your relationship. improve your communication skills to rekindle your love life.

In a nutshell, never ever compare your man with other guys and always motivate and inspire him with good words on a daily basis. as a christian, commit your ways to God in prayer and he will direct you.

don't get discouraged by some response on nairaland. You're not too young at 22. The problem with most nigerians is that most of your age mates are still undergraduates so they cant comprehend why you're plannin ahead now. wedding is for a day and marriage is for a lifetime so focus on your future and prepare for this lifelong adventure. Every building began from the foundation and the depth of the foundation determines the height of the building. My question for you today, what kind of structure are you building. You will excel and succeed.

^why should she send you an email? Is the advice you gave here not enough?
Hmm na so e dey start o.

Syncan: @OP,It doesn't look like you're under any pressure from the guy in question,as a matter of fact you didn't tell us if he wants to commit with you. You said"...and we have been speaking since...", so all these thoughts are simply going on in your head in anticipation of him wanting to take it to the next level right? Except otherwise,he might not just be into commitment until he finds his footing,...he is naija afterall..., if you're under pressure from others (interested males), then Its time to chat with your guy seriously, clear the air about your feelings and i believe it will be revealing. If he seriously wants you to stay, then you've just described a rare gem. Grab with two hands!

Last month he told me that he wanted me to stay with him for the long term but to understand that he's starting from scratch so if I can handle it hopefully when things work out we can get married. I love him, I really do. Sometimes the path of least resistance does seem easier because my family knows about him and so do my friends and they all want to meet him but I want to wait till he has a little more going for himself. And I'm not sure if me wanting that is shallow of me.

@OP: Stay with your man. It's not easy to get a Nigerian man these days, we are scarce commodities!

more like in demand.

seriously, why are non-nigerian men (both black and white) being pushed to the sidelines when it comes to dating?

Lol at Tpia.

True2myself24:

Last month he told me that he wanted me to stay with him for the long term but to understand that he's starting from scratch so if I can handle it hopefully when things work out we can get married. I love him, I really do. Sometimes the path of least resistance does seem easier because my family knows about him and so do my friends and they all want to meet him but I want to wait till he has a little more going for himself. And I'm not sure if me wanting that is shallow of me.

I would not call it shallow yet...I will rather say you're thinking of financial security...which is what every reasonable lady does. The difference is how much influence should it have in the choice of a partner, allowing it to take center stage as to blindfold you from other rare qualities is what makes one shallow. Meeting your family will not be a bad Idea if he is ready to meet them...money or no money. The financial stage at which your partner is when you make commitments has nothing to do with how a relationship finally turns out. The journey is normally a very long one to be determined by just how much coins he's got in his pocket when he paid for your first Ice cream. He's got some good qualities I must say...if you're a good judge of character...and sometimes life is about taking some chances. If you believe in God, i will say PRAY.

Mrs.Chima:
Lol at Tpia.

I'm just wondering about it.

Truckpusher: From my own perspective i think you should let the relationship to flow naturally instead of using material gains as a yard stick to measure how committed you should be in this relationship.But also be very very ready if he dumps you once he's up there....Just talking from experience sha!!!

Do you have a habit of dropping girls?!?!

You + Hammer = Us
You - Hammer = Alone

mashnino: I love the fact that you believe in him very much..

Staying with him is a risk and leaving him is also a risk

So any which way you go pray that it benefits both of you.

You know..He could finally be that man you always dreamed of, after following him

from scratch, and then the shocker of your life will happen. He'd plan on dumping you

for another girl that didn't even know how you guys struggle. That's a situation you know.

I am not saying he is gonna do it nor am i saying it for you to feel discouraged but..

hope for the best and et ready for the worst..

but just stick with him and be careful and helpful too..

I do think about that sometimes and honestly that does frighten me. But we both came from families where our fathers had nothing but their wives stood by them and helped them start up from scratch. So just watching how my mom has been by my dad motivates me to be there for him, and I just pray that how his mother stood by his dad will be an example to him. But all the same I don't know what the future holds so I guess all I can do is take if a day at a time and leave it to God.

Since you are young, you can take the risk of going through difficult times with him. However take your time to know him fully. Although he does not have money, does he try too help you in any other ways? I have a good friend who does not have much financially, but I see how he shows his girlfriend that he values her. He prepares her meals (and says this will be her job soon haha), assists her in finding employment, and listens to her concerns about daily life. He will have much more to offer her in the next 2 years, and I believe that he will make good on taking care of her. If you are putting in all the effort now, this will not change when he has more financial resources. At this stage in your life, it is better to cast your net far and wide, than to take the first fish you catch.

(Quote) Just consider the above questions and ask yourself if being with him makes you happy or you are happy cus everybody likes him in your society.

Thanks for the challenge, I need to be really honest with myself and answer that question. I guess only time will reveal the answer.

you say he is an immigrant. Does he have all his papers? If he does not, marrying you will enable him obtain them. Ensure that's not the reason why he does not want to marry you. Maybe thats why he's patient.

I admire you and wish he turns out to be the man of your dreams.

UmericanGirl:

Do you have a habit of dropping girls?!?!

You + Hammer = Us
You - Hammer = Alone

you are crying and laffing at the same time; how is that possible?....and i don't dump girls they do the dumping kinda makes me feel like the one being maltreated and at the same time keeps me emotionally balanced.....it's a good feeling when you are the victim.

eduson55: [size=28pt]I CAN SEE THE TYPE OF WOMAN I WANT TALKING..
ABEG,LEAVE HIM MAKE WE DATE...
AM A GOOD BOI OO,MORE THAN HIM SELF[/size]

You are 16 right? Back to the post, i am in the same shoe with your man. I had a job (not a high paying one though). The girl i want to marry is my girlfriend is my girlfriend in my uni days. About 5yr old relationship. I lost the job and have been trying to put my life back on track for 7months now. She still believes in me and i know i will settle down with her soonest. Tell how i can joke with that girl if she eventually becomes my wife? Please stick to your man. Itz worth it considering the fact that you are still young.

I've waited my boy friend for 3yrs now cos he was still in school wen I met him again after 7yrs. Cos I luv him so much and he has strong feelings for me too we put positive thinking for our future. Now he has his certificate and a job and everything is in line now. So if u luv him so much to wait, there is nothing wrong with dat

Truckpusher: you are crying and laffing at the same time; how is that possible?....and i don't dump girls they do the dumping kinda makes me feel like the one being maltreated and at the same time keeps me emotionally balanced.....it's a good feeling when you are the victim.

I'm a woman. We can cry and laugh and even more at once.

The girls dump you cos you are a truckpusher.

miketonic: let me be first one to tell you the truth about men. from the beginning of the relationship, the man knows already weather hes is going to marry the girl he is in relationship or not regardless of the amount of years you guys spend together as a relationship. i think you should focus on completing your education first and support him if he needed. but don't put your hopes up that he will marry you when he get all his paper and degree. that's why most woman are heart broken nowadays because the put too much into the relationship and the get rejected at the end. for example, there was this girl that help me through out me medical school career for 6 years, she gave me money, car, and even shelter, but at the end, i dump her because she wasnt my type.

but the cars, shelter, care, love making etc was your type. some people would be suffering in future and they ll be running from pillar to post! you should look for that gal and ask for forgiveness. and guys would wonder why gals are lookin for made men.

Remember being with a man as he builds himself from scratch is a very risky business and has a 100% chance of backfiring. A man without money and power is as gentle and humble as a lamb, but when he has found his way/ground can become a wolf,even a man with good prospects and even a man u met in the church. My advice to you is to be very caeful and try not to invest or sacrifice too much on a guy who you are not married to, no matter the prospects, goals or whatever he has. And then keep your mind open, don't put all your eggs in a basket. Am not saying cheat, just make sure u still have friends, don't tie yourself down. Be very careful.