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Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? - Romance (2) - Nairaland

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Re: Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? by Pennywise(m): 11:35am On Feb 28, 2008
talk2sulta:

its not a virtue.but marriage certainly isnt a neccessity.must I jump into marriage for marriage sake.moreso when Ive not found mrs right.abeg I don't want 2 f**k with the wrong nigga just because I want to get married at all cost.

Will it be out of place for me to tell you to stop f**king then?
Re: Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? by talk2sulta: 11:42am On Feb 28, 2008
totally out of place."f**king with the wrong nigga" is just a saying,so dont interprete it literally.
Re: Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? by chychy(f): 11:59am On Feb 28, 2008
my heart does bleed 4 u. i agree with the poster that says this is the "for worse" period in ur married life.
my dear, u love him n i really empathise with u.
yeah, u r schoolin and it cannot be easy but like easybaby said, "listen 2 ur heart".
Go on ur knees and talk to God who brought u 2gether. Pray 4 him n urself, he needs it now more than ever to find his way back 2 u.

he's goin thru a difficult phase. make him understand that he has u and God and that it can't get any worse than this.
If u can't reach him, pray about it n try 2 get that part-time job u mentioned or do u have it already?

With God all things are possible.

i know it ain't easy on u either but apparently, u're the stronger half @ this particular time.
Pray 4 him and don't let the kids have any negative attitude towards their dad.
May God c u thru while i'll pray 4 u too.
Re: Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? by Pennywise(m): 9:01am On Feb 29, 2008
talk2sulta:

must I jump into marriage for marriage sake.moreso when Ive not found mrs right.

I bet you are looking for an intelligent girl.
Re: Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? by talk2sulta: 9:48am On Feb 29, 2008
Pennywise:

I bet you are looking for an intelligent girl.

yes. but not the only criterion.there are so many things to consider.am even thinking of picking one fron nairaland.any suggestion from you? smiley
Re: Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? by Pennywise(m): 10:49am On Feb 29, 2008
talk2sulta:

yes. but not the only criterion.there are so many things to consider.am even thinking of picking one fron nairaland.any suggestion from you? smiley

Reloaded. But she is feisty.Olodo.asiwin and all that. No no the odds here are too many for you my friend. How about Uspry1.
Re: Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? by Pennywise(m): 11:13am On Feb 29, 2008
Intelligence is good. But you dont want somebody that will lock you up in the cupboard after marriage and hide away the key. I guess we just have to look outside nairaland then.
Re: Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? by Fredrika(f): 1:23pm On Mar 12, 2008
Just updating the situation… I have decided to move on with my life. I told him that I can’t be waiting for his decision forever. I can’t give him more time, because I have given him enough. He is doing the kind of business that takes him out of the country most of the time. Let’s say like 6 months in a year. And when he is at home, he works like from 8am to 10pm. So he has had lot of time without me. He is working a lot, but he does not give me money. That’s why I stopped asking him. If I tell him I need to buy food or something for the children, he will tell me to beg my mom to give me money. And I will never do that. We have not spent much time together for a long time. He also visits his mom very often, but he never takes me or the kids with him. We have been together for 6 years and I have never even met his mom.

In my opinion, we are like a strangers now, we have nothing to talk to each other. This marriage could have been saved, if he just showed me, that he wants to spend time with me. But he just kept on avoiding me for a long time. So I think now is the time to believe his words that he does not love me anymore. Still, he is wondering why our marriage couldn’t work. And he feels bad about it too. I tried to explain him that wife needs attention and caring, but he did not understand. I wanted us to be a team, I wanted him to support me and appreciate me, but he didn’t understand.

But eventually I am feeling better. I told myself to stop loving him and it is actually helping. I am concentrating on me and children. I have realized that I can’t change him to be a family-man. But I feel betrayed tough. When we got married and had children, I told him that I am worried because I don’t have education yet. He said it doesn’t matter, because I could still study after the marriage and babies and he will give me all his support. But when I started studying he did not support me at all. He just warned me, that it is going to be difficult to take care of the children and study at the same time, because he is not going to help me.

But right now, I am ok. I feel strong, as I see how well I am doing without him, both financially and mentally. I am happy to see my children happy and healthy, and I want to work hard to provide them good life. And he does not even appreciate it. I am not seeing him anymore, I am not calling him, I am not asking his help. I just want to forget him and move on. I did not talk to his family about the situation, let them blame me, let them think I am a bad wife. Let them think their son is a good man. I do not care anymore. I think I was never a serious wife to him.

Thanks you all of your support and advice. I really appreciate the effort you have made trying to help a stranger. God bless you!
Re: Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? by chychy(f): 1:54pm On Mar 12, 2008
cry cry cry sweet heart, i really do feel ur pain. i can imagine what these months have been like.
u wore the shoes so u know where it hurts but i do agree with your decision even though i wld still say give him more time.

u mean u've not met his mum in 6 frigging years? now that says a lot about him. but i think you should have insisted.

all that is in d past now n i can imagine how betrayed u feel but God is ur strength.
concentrate on urself n ur kids.

i really am short of words.

as 4 helping a total stranger, u have seun 2 thank.
Re: Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? by LadyT(f): 2:17pm On Mar 12, 2008
Life is fickle the key is too keep sight of the bigger picture, yourself and the children.  True strength is to pick yourself back up when you have been knocked down.

All the best   wink
Re: Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? by Fredrika(f): 2:22pm On Mar 12, 2008
Yes, 6 freaking years. I have insisted to see her, I really have. And she wanted to see me too. I worked very hard to save money so that we could have made journey to see her. But he said the money was never enough. All these years he has been promising to take me to her soon, but he always delayed. And travelled alone instead, many, many times.

He has betrayed me, and did not feel sorry. I did love him very much, but I can’t live my life without being loved back. He was my biggest love ever, and I loved him so much, it just feels like waste to give up. But now, I have changed my attitude towards him, and decided not to love him anymore. I wish one day he will realize what he did and regret. I really hope so.
Re: Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? by chychy(f): 2:27pm On Mar 12, 2008
y does it hurt so bad?
y does it leave some of us sad?
Love!!! Love!!! Love!!!

@ Fredrika, life is 2 short 2 dwell on what might have been.
pls move on and draw ur strength 4rm God.
Re: Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? by Dreloaded(f): 2:48pm On Mar 12, 2008
Lmao pennywise, you're crazy. oniranu tongue

Fredrika:


. When we got married and had children, I told him that I am worried because I don’t have education yet. He said it doesn’t matter, because I could still study after the marriage and babies and he will give me all his support.

No woman should EVER, EVER believe this shit. Ever. My mom's been drilling this into my head since I was 8. You cant trust people with your life like that.

Im sorry you believed him and ended up in this mess, but please make sure you children learn from this. I wish you all the best, dont even bother your so called usband anymore. He'll feel wretched, when he sees his wife doing well without him.
Re: Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? by Fredrika(f): 3:03pm On Mar 12, 2008
@d-reloaded

I wish my mom would have taught me something like that, about men and life. But she did not, so did not my father. I really did not have anybody to look after me and to advice me. That is why I ended up like this, I guess. But believe me, I will be there when my children need me.
Re: Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? by Dreloaded(f): 3:08pm On Mar 12, 2008
That's the spirit. How many children? Is your husband Nigerian or is it you?
Re: Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? by Fredrika(f): 3:22pm On Mar 12, 2008
@d-reloaded

We have 2 children, husband is nigerian, i am european.
Re: Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? by Dreloaded(f): 3:29pm On Mar 12, 2008
Nigerian men just dey disgrace us around the globe sha

1 Like

Re: Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? by almondjoy(f): 3:33pm On Mar 12, 2008
Fredrika:

Just updating the situation… I have decided to move on with my life. I told him that I can’t be waiting for his decision forever. I can’t give him more time, because I have given him enough. He is doing the kind of business that takes him out of the country most of the time. Let’s say like 6 months in a year. And when he is at home, he works like from 8am to 10pm. So he has had lot of time without me. He is working a lot, but he does not give me money. That’s why I stopped asking him. If I tell him I need to buy food or something for the children, he will tell me to beg my mom to give me money. And I will never do that. We have not spent much time together for a long time. He also visits his mom very often, but he never takes me or the kids with him. We have been together for 6 years and I have never even met his mom.

In my opinion, we are like a strangers now, we have nothing to talk to each other. This marriage could have been saved, if he just showed me, that he wants to spend time with me. But he just kept on avoiding me for a long time. So I think now is the time to believe his words that he does not love me anymore. Still, he is wondering why our marriage couldn’t work. And he feels bad about it too. I tried to explain him that wife needs attention and caring, but he did not understand. I wanted us to be a team, I wanted him to support me and appreciate me, but he didn’t understand.

But eventually I am feeling better. I told myself to stop loving him and it is actually helping. I am concentrating on me and children. I have realized that I can’t change him to be a family-man. But I feel betrayed tough. When we got married and had children, I told him that I am worried because I don’t have education yet. He said it doesn’t matter, because I could still study after the marriage and babies and he will give me all his support. But when I started studying he did not support me at all. He just warned me, that it is going to be difficult to take care of the children and study at the same time, because he is not going to help me.

But right now, I am ok. I feel strong, as I see how well I am doing without him, both financially and mentally. I am happy to see my children happy and healthy, and I want to work hard to provide them good life. And he does not even appreciate it. I am not seeing him anymore, I am not calling him, I am not asking his help. I just want to forget him and move on. I did not talk to his family about the situation, let them blame me, let them think I am a bad wife. Let them think their son is a good man. I do not care anymore. I think I was never a serious wife to him.

Thanks you all of your support and advice. I really appreciate the effort you have made trying to help a stranger. God bless you!


God bless you! kiss  I wish you all the best.  It is not going to be easy. . . . .but it can be done.  Just have a plan and get all the help you can by empowering yourself.  You are going to cry alone for many nights to come, but the joy you will receive will come from your children you have struggled for almost single-handedly.  I have a friend whose father did this same thing. Just decided his marriage was not worth a crap and abandoned his family and moved in with an "akata church member", after 4 children.  He divorced his first Nigerian wife in absentia on grounds of abandonment since she moved to Nigeria and married the akata lady and had 2 more sons.  

The first wife went back to Nigeria, so she can have help from her own mom, with 4 children all less than 10 years old. . . . .and just get away from the whole stigma. . . . . .especially from their fellow church members. They never heard from this man for[b] over 14 years [/b] when they all came back to the States.  The woman just held God to her heart and kept doing her job. . .making sure all her children graduated from college.  Now the children are all married and settled.  The man is with his akata wife. . . .always looking for who will make him "ogi". When he gets sick, the akata wife will be disturbing all of them to come and look after their father.  The first wife is enjoying the fruits of her labor now. . . . . just stayed out of his life without making a single sound. I asked ma friend why her father did that, she just laughed and told me they tease her mom that she does not know how to give BJs. . .he he he he he he cheesy Humor in abomination. . . . I am so sorry to say.

If this girl tells you what they went through as children, with their mom in Nigeria. . . . . . .you will cry buckets! All thanking God for their mother.  They have all made peace with their dad but you can tell the resentment flares up once in a while.  A very sad situation.  I hate to go to their family functions because. . .the atmosphere is always tense since the "akata" wife who was the first wife's friend in church oooooooooooooooooooh is always there with her own 2 sons. angry

Do your part I say. . . .you will be richly rewarded when your children's futures turn out bright!  The man will get his own in his final days of regret when his soul can't find peace as he desperately begs to exit this world.

Once again, I am so proud of you and all the very best! kiss
Re: Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? by Fredrika(f): 3:47pm On Mar 12, 2008
@almondjoy

thank you for your supportive words, I really appreciate it!
Re: Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? by almondjoy(f): 4:11pm On Mar 12, 2008
Fredrika:

@almondjoy

thank you for your supportive words, I really appreciate it!

You are welcome. Don't worry, you are going to be ok.

Hugs! kiss
Re: Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? by chychy(f): 4:12pm On Mar 12, 2008
sad really.
i do agree with reloaded but that mistake has been made.
Re: Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? by chychy(f): 4:42pm On Mar 12, 2008
almond, u sure made a whole lotta sense.
Re: Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? by Fredrika(f): 12:32pm On Mar 13, 2008
D-reloaded:

Nigerian men just dey disgrace us around the globe sha

No, he disgraced only himself.

chychy:

sad really.
i do agree with reloaded but that mistake has been made.


Maybe I made mistake by trusting him, but everything ended up quite well. I have two really beautiful children and I am still studying, without his help and support.
Re: Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? by Akinagirl(f): 6:31am On Mar 14, 2008
go on sister, you are a strong woman God bless you and your children.
AJ your posts did make lots of sense, gets you thinking.

Poster, good luck, watch him come running back when you and your children are a success.
Re: Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? by Leilah(f): 9:49pm On May 21, 2008
pAPERS papers once again he got what he wanted to leave him be to find one of his own.
Re: Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? by Leilah(f): 9:51pm On May 21, 2008
God bless you and your children you beautiful lady! kiss
Re: Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? by makatunder: 11:59pm On May 21, 2008
u see no worry
i sabi one baba, arakondudu
les go dia
grin
Re: Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? by marry303: 9:23am On Apr 06, 2013
My issue is with his co workers he always is texting them even after I told him how I feel about it. He will stop for while and then start all over. He always tells me how fat and old these woman are but I did know that. Today I have now found out he is setting up lunch dates with one of them. I no longer can take it. Why did he just leave? I do not understand why he keeps doing this to me. He even comes home late after work now and he finally went away and broke up with me, well i been at psychic but all the same. what should I do? until my friend introduced me to a sorcerer that assisted to reunite her husband. get the him with orinokosolutiontemple1@gmail.com you can contact him.
Re: Husband Left Me. What Can I Do To Get Him Back? Or Should I? by dbabylove: 1:58pm On May 14, 2013
After going through Mark testimony, i was amazed and was thinking if it was true, i contacted DR LOVE urgently for help on getting back by EX, Paul was the love of my life and i really loved him.So when i shared everything with Dr LOVE he said my lover will be back to me within 24hours i was like 24hours he said yes.Really the most amazing thing was that the time was not up to 24hours a man who left me for almost 4years i got a call from him...Sharing tears that he wants to see me..i said he should come over which he did.He cried and said i should forgive him.i said i have and he said he wants to prove himself that he will never leave me for another lady.so he gave me access to his account and me is beneficiary.Am so happy and grateful to DR LOVE for what he has done for me bringing back joy to my life. He just told me to tell friends and more people to contact him for any kind of solutions, Friends i can swear by anything DR LOVE is a man you can contact for help and he is trustworthy.Here his is private mail drlovespellcaster@yahoo.com or cell number +2348038096203

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