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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? (24069 Views)
Man Batters Wife, Throws Her Out For Rejecting Custody Of Love Child (Pictured) / Pls advice, should he fight back? How? / Unclad Man Roaming The Streets Of Abuja With His Kids All Dressed Up (Photo) (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by Nobody: 11:59pm On Jan 14, 2013 |
jidegirl12: @Nwando/osisi/babymama ..... I hear you o! I'm just saying what I would encourage if the guy is my brother( Reference to OP 's question) ... If this was my brother I would advise him not to waste one more red cent on lawyers,he has suffered enough. Do you know what manner of allegations that is labelled on a man to make him lose custody of his own children? Not even joint Custody with the woman as the custodial parent .It had to be some real Heavy stuff. On top of that she takes out a restraining order to keep him from being within a certain distance from her and maybe the kids Would you advice your brother to risk a court order and risk being thrown in jail? I wouldn't . Read the OP well,the woman with the help of her kids accused him of abuse What type of abuse Physical? Sexual? We don't know,but it had to be one or both and serious enough for the courts to see him not only as a danger to his wife but a danger to his own children.i wonder how you did not pick up on that. The woman can go and withdraw the restraining order for a start But that may make a nonsense of her case against him. This case is not unique,women do it all the time to get back at a spouse forgetting that the kids suffer too This will backfire on her eventually and those kids will want nothing to do with her. This OP is the woman's own relative remember If she had this to say of her r own cousin,I'm afraid the woman is worse than she has been portrayed My heart goes out to this man |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by Nobody: 12:16am On Jan 15, 2013 |
I don hear you se....What next do we know would be her next havoc even without his contact?..... survival instincts? hummm..... I hope he Kuku cross to Ontario like cooger suggested for good and never return....it's gonna reflect on his tax papers he's still in the country if any allegation springs up again from the woman... .and he will be arrested wherever state he's hiding unless he's working under the table which I doubt .... they will find him via his social security number. For the last time ....crossing hands and legs and his 1k will make his self preservation effective o but NOT for a long time..... I hope OP will update us months to come. |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by emmatok(m): 12:22am On Jan 15, 2013 |
ileobatojo: Sorry it is the concerned in-law that started the tread and not the man. Its premature to start blaming the man for what the are going through. |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by lastpage: 12:27am On Jan 15, 2013 |
logica: If you've ever played the game of chess before, you will know there are certain moves after which no other moves you make can prevent loss/certain doom. They call such a move a blunder. The best you can do is prolong the game by making good moves; but then the game is lost anyway.Now, that's what l call LOGIC! Lastpage! |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by Abrantie: 12:51am On Jan 15, 2013 |
logica: If you've ever played the game of chess before, you will know there are certain moves after which no other moves you make can prevent loss/certain doom. They call such a move a blunder. The best you can do is prolong the game by making good moves; but then the game is lost anyway. This wise man gets it. This whole thing is a game with biased rules. One side wants the game to continue, the other doesn't. So why is the decision not to play eliciting such a strong opposition? |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by lastpage: 12:56am On Jan 15, 2013 |
jidegirl12: You think he is likely to WIN? You think its 'really and truly' about the children's interest? Nope, a Man cant win "the system" in the Western world when it comes to divorce. The system is designed to beat a man down, keep him beaten and brow beat him the more, if he tries to just as crouch a bit! Maybe that was not the original intention ...but that is the OUTCOME NOW! The system knew that divorce is NOT GOOD for a family, especially the kids, they knew what they should have done, to keep the family united (preach endurance, tolerance, reconciliation,trust between spouses, do things the way our "mothers and fathers of old" did it). But they are NOT WILLING to do those things because it runs against the "spirit of liberalism and feminism"! So, they tried a "short cut" of forcing a man to stoop low and take shyte from his woman ..or else, MAKE HIS LIFE MISERABLE! Hardly would you see a man who does not take pride in caring for his kids, morally and financially! So, the issue of Child support is "given", even without a court compelling him to pay.Most Men would gladly support their kids when family break-up except in cases where the woman has poisoned the minds of the kids against their Dad and the children (ignorantly) are made to say and do things which is grievous, mental/soul-depressing to a father. He feels sad that his own children could say and do such things to him (But he forgets they are acting under their Mum's influence and they are still too young to stand on their own, and should not be held accountable) What most men abhor is when the ex-wife uses that same money to prop-up an extravagant lifestyle, use it to attract a Gigollo or just waste it on worthless things ....so much so that the children who are the intended beneficiary, are living in deprivation.! Believe me, if the system where to come up with a way whereby the ex-husband can DIRECTLY FUND the children's needs, you will see that most men would gladly pay for everything their children needs! The Courts know this but their interest is not actually the kids as they often propagate. Their main concern is how to teach a man "a big lesson in life" for daring to be free from a woman that makes his life miserable! I would not be saying anything new if l said women generally feel and know that the worst way to get back and hit at a man is his children. It is the most pain you can inflict on any man .... forget all the bravado men make! after inflicting such "pain", most men will still try to find a way to see those kids (which l think is your point?). But ..and this is a "big BUT".... when it comes to the point where a man has to MAKE A CHOICE between "Staying FREE" (as in No jail time, no criminal records, e.t.c) ....OR.... being able to see his Children, any rational man would STAY AWAY from the children. A SMART MAN MUST NOT SUFFER "DOUBLE JEOPARDY"! Being separated from your children is punishment enough. With time, when the children grow-up and their Mother is not in a position to speak on their behalf or take decisions for them, its their choice to find-out the truth, try have a relationship with their father (who will be more than willing to open-up and love them unconditionally) or to keep to themselves. Its a "Devil's alternative for the man, either way, he will still lose, just like "Logica" exemplified. Lastpage! 3 Likes |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by coogar: 12:58am On Jan 15, 2013 |
ileobatojo: he shouldn't fight nada. i would try as much as possible to avoid anything that would bring me in contact with this witch of a woman. my children would grow up one day and become independent. then i would explain my absence to them. the woman wants the game to persist and the man is refusing to do the dance of shame with her. that's common sense - to hell with the woman and her demonic antics. |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by lastpage: 1:02am On Jan 15, 2013 |
When I was just a little baby boy I think the above is the lyrics of a rap song? Can anyone tell me the Artists name and Title? Some of these "Gangsters" say things you will not believe, is coming from their "Ganja-infested minds". I hope our Mums would read those lyrics and ponder over it. My prayer is that we would not bring children into this world and by our 'actions and inactions', make them say things like the above about us. Quarrel with the Dad if need be, live apart if thats the only solution but NEVER USE THE CHILDREN TO GET BACK AT HIM OR AS A WEAPON IN THE COURTS. What goes around will eventually come around, in my opinion. Lastpage! 1 Like |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by A40(m): 1:14am On Jan 15, 2013 |
Abrantie:They want a man to keep fighting a losing battle and drag himself into financial and emotional ruin plus potential jail time to prove he loves his kids. E fe kpa omolomo fun mama oni mama! Pity the man he has parents too |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by Nobody: 1:19am On Jan 15, 2013 |
As usual the kids suffer I am a woman o and I am all for women and children's rights but I have seen wicked women turn their husband's heart away from the kids permanently I know a woman that alleged that her husband was about to kill her and the kids with juju, she fed the children these stories and eventually fled in the dead of the night without informing anyone where she went. Everyone who knew him could not believe that a wife he loved dearly could hurt him that much. This man went through pain and agony not seeing the children he loved so much,weeks turned to months then years. By the time she came back to her senses about 3 years later and came abegging,it was too late,he had moved on,found love again and remarried and closed that ugly chapter of his life Who lost out? The kids. Women can be very nasty in divorce and use the children to achieve their aim then complain that the man is distant from the kids when that was her making I have witnessed a few 1 Like |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by A40(m): 1:26am On Jan 15, 2013 |
lastpage:That song was by Eminem 'Cleanin out ma closet' |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by biolabee(m): 1:36am On Jan 15, 2013 |
good balanced POV from nwando! |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by SisiKill1: 2:14am On Jan 15, 2013 |
nwando: Osisi. ...you are saying exactly what many of us have been saying. IT IS ABOUT THE CHILDREN. ...and how to minimize their suffering. I can't imagine how heartbreaking it must be to be told nasty things about your dad. ...YOUR DAD. Some way, some how these children won't want to believe it. ..they will be looking for something. ...anything to counter what they are hearing and what better way to do that than having the dad who acts completely opposite to the lies they are being fed? His absence will only validate her lies. @ Topic People are quoting Eminem. ....the fact that he found his mother lied to him when he was an adult does not erase the painful life he had. Hating his mother today does not cancel out his utterly miserable childhood. Eminem was a very very angry child and even angrier adult. ...if he hadn't found solace in music. ...where would he be today? Even he himself will tell you he would either be in jail or in a grave. Going by what OP has laid out...One won't be totally wrong in saying the mom is not stable. Why on earth would you want that kinda person as the most influential person in your children's lives? I don't just get it. And for the last time. ...NO ONE SUPPORTS THE WOMAN!!! I don't know where the disconnect is coming from but people seem to think if we aren't saying "Run daddy run for your life". ...we are on the woman's side. Hate to break it to y'all but there is a third side to this. ....THE CHILDREN. People are talking about winning and losing like it's a game. God help us. The dead horse has already turned to rug. ...ojare. |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by logica(m): 2:23am On Jan 15, 2013 |
Sisi_Kill:Unfortunately, the man goofed and made kids with an unstable woman. Now she's put him in a VERY bad position that he's practically fighting to keep his head above water. Now you tell me; can a drowning man save another from drowning? You need to first save yourself, before you can then try to save the lives of others otherwise you may all drown together. 1 Like |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by Nobody: 2:26am On Jan 15, 2013 |
logica: Unfortunately, the man goofed and made kids with an unstable woman. Now she's put him in a VERY bad position that he's practically fighting to keep his head above water. Now you tell me; can a drowning man save another from drowning? You need to first save yourself, before you can then try to save the lives of others otherwise you may all drown together. You summarized it well Why would a sane man continue to fight with an insane woman who already has the courts on her side? 1 Like |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by ronkebp(f): 2:27am On Jan 15, 2013 |
This post is about "the children" it has nothing to do with who wins in a marraige, whether it is a man or woman that wins, is not important. But just because there is a conflict between the father and mother of 2 or 3 children, should not mean that either one (father or mother) have the right to abandon their children. Those kids were brought into this world to be taken care off, taught and also respected as fellow human beings. If a father or mother thinks he or she has the right to abandon his/her kids because of a row, he/she should be ready to be abandoned by those same kids when they are grown. it is what they sow that they will reap. The kids have eyes,do you think they would leave their "insane" mother who took care of them for a "sane" man who was not there for them? |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by Nobody: 2:28am On Jan 15, 2013 |
Sisi_Kill: Time will determine that Continuing to fight with a woman you think is insane is fruitless,you will only come out with more injuries since a mad person has no limits. It is his pocket suffering ,he still has a life to live and pay the child support on top She wanted the kids,told lies to get them, the courts agreed with her,let her have them This is sometimes the handiwork of evil friends that cheer some women onto the divorce courts rather than tell them to stop being foolish Eye go clear am soon I bet you those friends are long gone,some back to their husband's beds Na today? 1 Like |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by logica(m): 2:38am On Jan 15, 2013 |
ronkebp: Paying $1000/month child support sounds like "abandonment" to you? Can YOU afford to pay anybody $1000 every month without you drinking garri without sugar for the rest of your life? Yes, the kids have eyes and hopefully they have brains to process too. When they are grown, their father will not need them for anything except he's using the Nigerian Welfare System where old people depend on their children. So if they use their brains well, they will determine who the problem is here, at best. At worst, they turn into men-hating psychotic b!tche$ and join the burgeoning ranks of such a club in the US of A; and they will fit very well into "society". 1 Like |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by SisiKill1: 2:39am On Jan 15, 2013 |
ronkebp: This post is about "the children" it has nothing to do with who wins in a marraige, whether it is a man or woman that wins, is not important. But just because there is a conflict between the father and mother of 2 or 3 children, should not mean that either one (father or mother) have the right to abandon their children. Those kids were brought into this world to be taken care off, taught and also respected as fellow human beings. Succinctly put! Very Very well said!!!! |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by Nobody: 2:43am On Jan 15, 2013 |
Is he even allowed to see the kids? Does anyone know? I wish the OP could talk more What were the abuse allegations and did she allege abuse of the kids? There is already a restraining order,does it include him keeping away from the kids for their safety? Without these answers people will be making suggestions in ignorance |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by Mrsmansson(f): 2:44am On Jan 15, 2013 |
To me oh,since its 7 months and not 7 years I believe the father of the kids might come around some time later.everyone handles situations in different ways.let him take some time to clear his head.the ex wife had dealt with him seriously.its not easy abeg.The kids are very okay,who said they won't be?.kids only miss their dad when they were really close.my dad wasn't really present in my life am I not ok here?anyway maybe its because of the naija harsh economy,any way we struggle to survive.I didn't end up in the hands of a wrong guy.didn't get pregnant,started dating when I was in the uni even.I have so much self esteem,I always knew I was so intelligent,smart and pretty an I had so much love from my siblings and my precious mum.I didn't/dont feel the absence of a father till date.so wat am I trying to say?I believe their dad would eventually come around but for the time he will be absent from their lives the girls will do just fine if brought up properly(which I doubt because of their kind of mum) |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by ronkebp(f): 2:47am On Jan 15, 2013 |
logica: So to you, sending money to your children will make up for those little times you spend with your children? especially having the opportunity to watch them grow? the money will be the listening ears they will need when they have one complaint or the other? the money will take them to games and even a time to roll on the floor with your kids? the money will be the one to scold them when they are wrong? the money cannot take the position of either parent in the life of those children, so no matter the millions that was sent, it would be acknowledged by their mother only, all the kids want is their father and mother. |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by logica(m): 2:50am On Jan 15, 2013 |
ronkebp:Once again, does sending $1000 a month as child support sound like "abandonment" to you? Spare me all that "blah blah" you wrote up there. Yes or no please. Once you answer, I will paint the true picture of "abandonment" for you. I hope you have an artistic mind. 1 Like |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by Nobody: 2:51am On Jan 15, 2013 |
ronkebp: He did not quit the marriage remember? He lost custody in court from the woman's cooked up stories plus a court injunction slammed for him to keep away from her (and maybe the kids ) What do people suggest this man does? People are just talking for talking sake There is a specific issue here being discussed and those are the facts we know You are going off a tangent not related 3 Likes |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by Nobody: 2:52am On Jan 15, 2013 |
nwando: Is he even allowed to see the kids? Some answers. And yes, I wish the OP would come back, though it seems she has made up her mind not to. Woged2005: |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by dayokanu(m): 2:54am On Jan 15, 2013 |
ronkebp: So how would he get into the kids life without getting into jail in the process? Or going to jail is part of the deal? 1 Like |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by Nobody: 2:55am On Jan 15, 2013 |
ronkebp: This post is about "the children" it has nothing to do with who wins in a marraige, whether it is a man or woman that wins, is not important. But just because there is a conflict between the father and mother of 2 or 3 children, should not mean that either one (father or mother) have the right to abandon their children. Those kids were brought into this world to be taken care off, taught and also respected as fellow human beings. All well and good... but those kids are minors, are presently in the sole custody of the mother who has a restraining order against the man and has shown she is ready to use the kids to destroy the man... unless you want the man to perform magic... i dont know what else you want him to do? It gets tiring reading the pointless pontification around here. 1 Like |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by Nobody: 2:57am On Jan 15, 2013 |
logica: i tire my brother. How many on this thread can boast of spending that much on their own kids that they see everyday? 1 Like |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by logica(m): 2:58am On Jan 15, 2013 |
dayokanu:Ol' boy, there is no better place to bond with your children than the yard of a prison in the US of A. I tell you! There you can picnic and roll on the prison floor with the kids. Heck, you can even teach them how to respect fellow human beings without saying a word; all they have to do is watch how tough inmates kick your butt and fvck you in the a$$. 1 Like |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by Nobody: 2:59am On Jan 15, 2013 |
nwando: Nwanem, i trust you to see the woods for the trees. 1 Like |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by dayokanu(m): 3:02am On Jan 15, 2013 |
logica: Ol' boy, there is no better place to bond with your children than the yard of a prison in the US of A. I tell you! There you can picnic and roll on the prison floor with the kids. Heck, you can even teach them how to respect fellow human beings without saying a word; all they have to do is watch how tough inmates kick your butt and fvck you in the a$$. Raising kids in Jail must be a perfect bonding opportunity |
Re: Should He Fight For Custody Of His Kids?? by Nobody: 3:03am On Jan 15, 2013 |
ileobatojo: Thank you I didn't read the whole thread
Oh what are we talking again na? A man was lied on by his wife,he loses custody ,his space is restricted by her restraining order and they subject him to the inhumane treatment of picking up his kids from some strange location for a limited visit. For the love of his children he complies and the woman continues to petition the courts with more allegations of abuse and someone thinks the man has not done enough. he buys them a phone so he can communicate with them since he cannot call the house,the witch destroys the phone. If he were my brother,I will advice Him to get a job in another state and move over here and send his child support from there. The woman is out to destroy him. The OP is wondering why the man won't hire a lawyer to go head on,will you pay? Look at these people o 1 Like |
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