baby_123:

I dont think the woman is complaining. She is even following up the case. The woman's cousin is the one affected by this.

An adage says "a mad person doesn't know that, she/she is mad"..yes I get affected bc where two elephants fight the grass suffers..in this case the kids. I just wish the kids can be seeing their dad in woteva arrangement. My cousin used child support to hurt her husband, her husband abandoned the kids to hurt her back...who really gets hurt?- the kids. Any sensible couple should just avoid settling marriage issues in the court. lawyers don't care, they want to win their case...

Woged2005:

An adage says "a mad person doesn't know that, she/she is mad"..yes I get affected bc where two elephants fight the grass suffers..in this case the kids. I just wish the kids can be seeing their dad in woteva arrangement. My cousin used child support to hurt her husband, her husband abandoned the kids to hurt her back...who really gets hurt?- the kids. Any sensible couple should just avoid settling marriage issues in the court. lawyers don't care, they want to win their case...

Well if the agreements are not sealed by law, anyone can default. In her mind she is protecting her children's interests and maintaining the lifestyle they are used to. It is up to the man to choose that he wants to be their father. Sometimes one person has to be the adult, regardless of what happened

slimyem: Op,what party complained to you?
The mother or the father?
What do you intend to do with the advice you get here?
Approach the man and get him to fight for custody of his kids?
Isn't that like some kind of conflict of interest since the woman's your cousin?

...Our people in Nigeria want to mediate but do not understand the US laws. They even suggested a secret meeting btw the 2,. That's dangerous bc there's a restraining order in place so the husband cannot contact her in woteva form. If he does he will go to jail for violation. Only outsiders like me can serve as a medium. But I am short of a tested strategy to break the ice....two smart angry people!

baby_123:

Well if the agreements are not sealed by law, anyone can default. In her mind she is protecting her children's interests and maintaining the lifestyle they are used to. It is up to the man to choose that he wants to be their father. Sometimes one person has to be the adult, regardless of what happened

one person has to be a mumu, you mean?
a woman kicked her husband out, she leaves a hole in his pocket every month and you still want him to be the "adult"? o..........k!!!

Woged2005:

...Our people in Nigeria want to mediate but do not understand the US laws. They even suggested a secret meeting btw the 2,. That's dangerous bc there's a restraining order in place so the husband cannot contact her in woteva form. If he does he will go to jail for violation. Only outsiders like me can serve as a medium. But I am short of a tested strategy to break the ice....two smart angry people!

Well that is why he cant see the KIDS! He cannot violate a restraining order. Let that expire first! Or if he is not guilty of all he has been accused of he can contest it. Seems like a naija man tht carried his short fuse to the US with a seemlingly village wife, who got aware of her rights and exercised it. Oh Well! We see that like everyday!

coogar:

one person has to be a mumu, you mean?
a woman kicked her husband out, she leaves a hole in his pocket every month and you still want him to be the "adult"? o..........k!!!

Fighting for a relationship with the Innocent kids does not make him a mumu. His presence is needed in their lives as much as the mum, no matter how vexed she is, or what happened between them. Men these days are not smiling o, they will drag the woman down as much as possible. She didnt have the kids by divine intervention. But OP just revealed that there is a restraining order against him, which explains it all.

baby_123:

Fighting for a relationship with the Innocent kids does not make him a mumu. His presence is needed in their lives as much as the mum, no matter how vexed she is, or what happened between them. Men these days are not smiling o, they will drag the woman down as much as possible. She didnt have the kids by divine intervention. But OP just revealed that there is a restraining order against him, which explains it all.

#sighs - the woman should carry her cross! she deserves whatever comes her way! some people have remortgaged their souls to the devil to complicate issues and ruin the lives of others. good luck to them!

coogar:

#sighs - the woman should carry her cross! she deserves whatever comes her way! some people have remortgaged their souls to the devil to complicate issues and ruin the lives of others. good luck to them!

The kids didnt divorce the man. So if you decide to show the mum, you will harm your own kids and mess them up. Two adults can fight and do whatever, but stay friends or pretend to have a cordial relationship for the kids. They owe it to them, afterall they didnt ask them to get married or fight each other.

Na inside cell him go end if he defaults the child support payment unless he's out of the country for good....

As per the kids , I'm sure they'll be fine.... I was and here I am now .... When two adults refused to grow up and continue to prove pride that's what their kids go thru.... ASHI !!!

A restraining order does not mean he can't see the kids. If he has visitation rights, the law accommodates an arrangement to make that possible

His wife has fed his kids lies that he is a bad daddy and he proves her wrong by. . .errr. . . by abndonding them?!!

If the momma is such a awful woman, won't it make more sense to be around more. . .so the children can at least have one not awful parent?

His liwwle ego is bruised, so to hell with his kiddies, let them remain with the baaaad woman without daddy, what concerns him yes?

So the man who abandons his kids just to spite his nasty wife is the one coming up smelling roses?

Hmmmm, Inneressssing!

Ah! Don't mind me. . .just musing out loud.

.

baby_123:

Always the Nurses. Nurses come and defend yourselves!

You seem like you have a lot at stake in this. Maybe the man's heart who knows.

My thoughts exactly, because, really?? the man did not do anything at all to the woman and she just filed for divorce...just like that... ? it is scary. She is a nurse and so what?? is it with the overtime without rest that she sees herself as a "wealthy woman"? what will female doctors and engineers say?
- Anyways, poster steer clear, beause this one that you personally still communicate with your cousin's ex-husband and asking after his kids (i know is kinda a concern!!!!), but would rather you let them be and leave them alone, the guy obviously have his own agenda, that was why he has not gone to visit the kids "he calls his own". what type of man would just let a crazy woman have total control over the life of his children and don't look back, or visit them?

jidegirl12: Na inside cell him go end if he defaults the child support payment unless he's out of the country for good....

As per the kids , I'm sure they'll be fine.... I was and here I am now .... When two adults refused to grow up and continue to prove pride that's what their kids go thru.... ASHI !!!

Potentially, yes. In reality, it takes a lot of doing to end up in jail for non-payment of child support. Would be quite an amount in arrears and for a really extended period. There are other lighter punishment like inability to renew your licence, wage garnishment and even collection agencies. If deadbeats ended up in jail so easily, the authorities would have even less space for hard criminals. Congestion is high as it is.

Sisi_Kill: His wife has fed his kids lies that he is a bad daddy and he proves her wrong by. . .errr. . . by abndonding them?!!

If the momma is such a awful woman, won't it make more sense to be around more. . .so the children can at least have one not awful parent?

His liwwle ego is bruised, so to hell with his kiddies, let them remain with the baaaad woman without daddy, what concerns him yes?

So the man who abandons his kids just to spite his nasty wife is the one coming up smelling roses?

Hmmmm, Inneressssing!

Ah! Don't mind me. . .just musing out loud.

if i had seen this, i would not have posted again, You have finished the whole matter and spoken the main problem...True-to-da-that!!!!!!

So because his wife lied about him, he decided to abandon his own kids

What kind of a man is he?

Men like him don't deserve to be fathers . . .

If he can walk out of their lives so easily then maybe he shouldn't even be around them in the first place!

So you lot are 'begging' him to take care of his own children What planet does he live in

Ujujoan: So because his wife lied about him, he decided to abandon his own kids

What kind of a man is he?

Men like him don't deserve to be fathers . . .

If he can walk out of their lives so easily then maybe he shouldn't even be around them in the first place!

So you lot are 'begging' him to take care of his own children What planet does he live in

I don't buy your assertion, though both are not right...but look there has to be serious consequences to what some of these Nigerian nurses (not all please) are doing in USA. They are painting Nigerian women red..very bad ambassadors! You'll bury your head in shame about what non-Nigerians (even their co-workers)say about Nigerian nurses in the USA...sexual promiscuity among the single, adultery among the married, petty-mindedness, excessive materialism, gossiping, high rate of separation/ divorce, murder by their husbands, medical fraud, taking advantage of their patients...of course the story of a Nigerian nurse using sex to blackmail Dr Ikemba Iweala (Ngozi Iweala's husband) made news....Woooooow! Where are these ladies from?

Good Nigerian nurses should post stories of their successful families to cancel out the effects of these bad ones? We should stop condoning them. The message should be "..there will be severe consequences to more nurses attempting these..", and may we all Nigerians make it clear to them. They are not the only Nigerian women who have bills to pay. Shameful!!

bigheart2013:

I don't buy your assertion, though both are not right...but look there has to be serious consequences to what some of these Nigerian nurses (not all please) are doing in USA. They are painting Nigerian women red..very bad ambassadors! You'll bury your head in shame about what non-Nigerians (even their co-workers)say about Nigerian nurses in the USA...sexual promiscuity among the single, adultery among the married, petty-mindedness, excessive materialism, gossiping, high rate of separation/ divorce, murder by their husbands, medical fraud, taking advantage of their patients...of course the story of a Nigerian nurse using sex to blackmail Dr Ikemba Iweala (Ngozi Iweala's husband) made news....Woooooow! Where are these ladies from?

Good Nigerian nurses should post stories of their successful families to cancel out the effects of these bad ones? We should stop condoning them. The message should be "..there will be severe consequences to more nurses attempting these..", and may we all Nigerians make it clear to them. They are not the only Nigerian women who have bills to pay. Shameful!!

I agree . . . . teach the woman a lesson if you must, not the kids for God's sake!
Who do you think has more to lose here? The woman probably is better off without her husband but are the kids better off without their fathers?
Trying to punish a woman through her kids (who are his too by the way) is just plain irresponsible for a father!

Ujujoan:

I agree . . . . teach the woman a lesson if you must, not the kids for God's sake!
Who do you think has more to lose here? The woman probably is better off without her husband but are the kids better off without their fathers?
Trying to punish a woman through her kids (who are his too by the way) is just plain irresponsible for a father!

Read the OP's comment well. The lady in question has a restraining order against her husband..ask a US-based lawyer what the implication is. US courts don't act on sentiments or emotions that he's a desperate father trying to show love to his kids..This is not Nigeria. The law works in USA. If he ever makes any attempt to contact his wife even if it's to ask about the kids' through phone he's going to Jail. Period! That's exactly what the man is avoiding. I am sure he's acting on an attorney's advice. I know many good men who are languishing in jail simply because they mistakenly dialed their wife when there's a restraining order in place, and the woman rushes to police showing them the received call number, and claimed she was threatened. A woman like this will do that I bet u.

Sister, don't let lawyers and judges decide the faith of ur children. Btw the 2 whoever filed the case in court has the bigger blame. In Africa we use elders, family meetings, church pastors, etc to settle rifts. In USA u can have a divorce settlement in a lawyer's office, sign the agreement and file it in court. That's what white people do..that's why it's called 'Divorce Settlement'. It's not a war!

bigheart2013:

Read the OP's comment well. The lady in question has a restraining order against her husband..ask a US-based lawyer what the implication is. US courts don't act on sentiments or emotions that he's a desperate father trying to show love to his kids..This is not Nigeria. The law works in USA. If he ever makes any attempt to contact his wife even if it's to ask about the kids' through phone he's going to Jail. Period! That's exactly what the man is avoiding. I am sure he's acting on an attorney's advice. I know many good men who are languishing in jail simply because they mistakenly dialed their wife when there's a restraining order in place, and the woman rushes to police showing them the received call number, and claimed she was threatened. A woman like this will do that I bet u.

Sister, don't let lawyers and judges decide the faith of ur children. Btw the 2 whoever filed the case in court has the bigger blame. In Africa we use elders, family meetings, church pastors, etc to settle rifts. In USA u can have a divorce settlement in a lawyer's office, sign the agreement and file it in court. That's what white people do..that's why it's called 'Divorce Settlement'. It's not a war!

Why don't you take your own advice and read the OP's comments again . . . It'll help you make more informed and reasonable contributions!

Ujujoan:

Why don't you take your own advice and read the OP's comments again . . . It'll help you make more informed and reasonable contributions!

I am a serious mind and don't wish to get into fables with petty people here. Everyone has his/her class (no insults)

@OP, I researched your case, and here's the advice from a very seasoned US-based lawyer on how to settle this problem without hurting the kids

1. Both parties must wait till the restraining order expires or vacated (usually one year). Absolutely no contacts before then.
2. contact a mediator both parties will trust (usually someone independent. A trusted clergy can serve)
3. He should find out from the man what type of visitation he will like with his Kids (No court in USA can deny a man visitation with his kids)
4. Communicate to his wife what visitation he wants (continue this process until both parties agree on something)
5. The lady should ask her lawyer to put the agreement into a 'Consent order'. They should also be firm with the lawyer to do what they (parties) want not what the lawyer wants. Lawyers usually want the case to keep going by fueling it so they get paid.
6. If the lawyer is not cooperating, fire him/her and use a pro-bono or another lawyer
7. both should Sign the consent agreement and file it in court. It becomes legal and official. Visitation/child support is established amicably.

His advise on how an aggrieved woman can separate without hurting her kids:

2. Start a discussion with your husband, get a house and plan to move out and tell him the date. To avoid violence u can temporarily stay at a friend's house, and meet at neutral grounds.
2. Agree on what you will take from the house (car, property, kids' favorite toys, etc)
3. Have a discussion about custody/visitation that's best for your kids interest. Most men will let the woman keep the kids as long as they can visit the kids. 4. Once you have agreement. Have a lawyer to calculate the child support for both of u
5. The lawyer draws a consent agreement, which both of you will sign and file in court.

The separation, custody and child support becomes legal and official.

You don't need court cases that wastes money on legal fees. Smart people don't.

bigheart2013:

@OP, I researched your case, and here's the advice from a very seasoned US-based lawyer on how to settle this problem without hurting the kids

1. Both parties must wait till the restraining order expires or vacated (usually one year). Absolutely no contacts before then.
2. contact a mediator both parties will trust (usually someone independent. A trusted clergy can serve)
3. He should find out from the man what type of visitation he will like with his Kids (No court in USA can deny a man visitation with his kids)
4. Communicate to his wife what visitation he wants (continue this process until both parties agree on something)
5. The lady should ask her lawyer to put the agreement into a 'Consent order'. They should also be firm with the lawyer to do what they (parties) want not what the lawyer wants. Lawyers usually want the case to keep going by fueling it so they get paid.
6. If the lawyer is not cooperating, fire him/her and use a pro-bono or another lawyer
7. both should Sign the consent agreement and file it in court. It becomes legal and official. Visitation/child support is established amicably.

You don't need court cases that wastes money on legal fees. Smart people don't.

Thank you sir for getting back to the question. God bless u! I got a similar advice offline frm another person. noted..I love the idea of keeping lawyers off. the moni saved can be put towards the kids' education. I heard the cheapest divorce lawyer in USA is $300 per hour (for the inexperienced ones). Wow!

Except the restraining order includes the children. .. which I doubt because no courts will put out a restraining order preventing a parent from seeing their child without proof of child abuse, the man can still see his children IF he wants without ever coming in contact with his ex wife.

If he was a serious father, he would go to court and get a visitation order. Heck he doesn't even need to hire a lawyer for this one, he can go to the family law Section of the Municipal justice website and fill out the form.

The courts will help them look for ways to carry out the visitation without violating the restraining order. ...sometimes it may be dropping off the kids with a trusted party or having him pick them off in a neutral place. These are not babies who still need momma's breast milk.

They can also set a time for phone calls. . .At 7pm, daddy is calling. The children are old enough to know what the time is. ...so again no need for momma to be involved.

There soooooo many ways he can still keep contact with his kids IF he wants but going by his behavior as stated by his loving cousin in law. .. he is not interested. He is mad at his wife so he takes it out on his children.

The men who found their behinds in jail are there because like the typical Naija man they think the law does not apply to them. Look I am not saying the law is always fair neither am I saying the women are in the right but once the courts have been involved. ...OBEY the law, toe the line even if you think you are being short changed, put agigidi aside. ...don't try to prove yourself by breaking it. How can you show you are this wonderful person if you have a criminal record

People act like the law only favors women. ...that might be partly true but for the most part it favors those who know how to work and to be able to work. ...you can't be a knee jerk reactor. I know of a man who by the time he was done farabaleing dealing with the situation, he was on first name basis with the appointed judge, he had policemen testifying on his behalf and left his wife shrieking and showing herself for the batshit crazy banshee she was. This is a woman who started off with social workers, mediators and her child's school counselor staunchly behind her.

All it takes is being cool headed and putting stupid "ehn this can not happen to a whole of me" pride aside.

chaircover: If I made the mistake of breaking up with my husband and went as far as getting a restraining order, the man that I know will do anything possible to see those kids even if it means groveling on the floor begging people to intervene (not to get me back) but so that he can see his kids.

I even trust my daughter sef, by the time she starts falling ill and crying for her daddy 10 times a day no one will tell me before I put them on a bus and drop them off at their dads.

What I am saying is essence is that their pride and egos have got bigger than them and a man determined to have a relationship with his kids will not be stopped by a restraining order. . . .he will def find a way! As a parent you do a lot of things for your kids that you wouldn't normally do. Nothing should be too much for them.

What will he tell them after the end of the restraining order. How can he even look in their eyes?

As for the woman, she is a disgrace to motherhood

Exactly!!!!

Ego and Pride.... *%#%^*^%%^* !!

Sisi_Kill: Except the restraining order includes the children. ..

The courts will help them look for ways to carry out the visitation without violating the restraining order. ...sometimes it may be dropping off the kids with a trusted party or having him pick them off in a neutral place. These are not babies who still need momma's breast milk.

All it takes is being cool headed and putting stupid "ehn this can not happen to a whole of me" pride aside.

Yes ma you are absolutely correct. God Bless you.

I asked the mediator, she said the restraining order did not include the children. There was also a visitation order in place with drop off and pick up location. But the wife formed the habit of rushing to her lawyer to file allegations of abuse/ neglect each time the kids came back from their dad's house. One was an allegation by the wife that the dad kept alcoholic wine in his refrigerator at the reach of the kids during visitation. though that was not investigated. The mediator said these types of allegations made the man to restrain himself. The mediator said the man bought the kids a prepaid contact phone, which his wife has turned off or thrown away. So he's scared of his wife's determined efforts to either have locked up or have a costly legal fight. Now you can see my anger with my own cousin. If true, these actions are uncalled for.

What I don't understand is why her husband doesn't have his own lawyer to take on the other lawyer heads on? He's very educated and has a stable job. I may have to hands off from this case.

seedord247: I repeat... Never marry a naija woman in usa or uk.... They are worse than Akata's.

Gbam!Gham!!Gbam!!!