chaircover: Ive just googled it.

It costs £200 to make an application to the family court for contact with the children. The court will notify both parties and set a date for hearing and judgment is made.

All these over-civilized countries are in deep-Sh1t.

Imagine paying N50K to the government to see/contact your own children!?!

Sisi_Kill: On a lighter.....ironic note, If we replace CUSTODY with DIVORCE. ...those arguing for the dad to fight are using the same arguments the DIVORCE NOT AN OPTION people use. Don't give up, do everything to keep your home (children), stay for the children etc while the people arguing that dad cut his losses....self preservation, are using the same argument those who oppose the DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION PEOPLE.

What do you guys suppose it all mean?

That would be......hypocrisy, by the way.

Meanwhile lmao @ self preservation as an excuse. Anyway didn't a man in the Colorado theater shooting drop his baby that he was holding, leave his girlfriend and other kid and drive home all by himself?!
All to escape a shooting gunman. That's some serious self preservation mode activated right there at the expense of the kids of your own loins no less. And we are surprised at this? At least this guy knows his kids will be safe. So A+ for him abeg. He should start teaching some child abandonment 101 classes.

jidegirl12: When situation is tangled like this..... na from Burger King and co he will start from whether he likes it or not.... take it or Kuku give up.... your kids would bond with a rascal tattooed mfkg guy instead!

And call him daddy .... by the time they're 14 ( junior high) they're already dis vir gined ( possibly by step dad) and tell you to FK off!

Isn't that just EXCELLENT ?

I am trying not to get involved in this argument but AT THE END OF THE DAY (as you described above), do you think such a Mother will be a PROUD MOTHER as well?
...And what do you think such kids would tell (or do to) the Mother who ruined their life ....if they can do the above to their father?
she would be worse-off, ... for all we know, the man may start another family and get other kids.


I tell you, this woman is determined to bring the man down at all cost!
*She hopes he will lose his job and default on Child Support = JAIL
*She hopes he will try to reach his kids (and that will be through her first, breaching the order) = JAIL
*As a Nurse, its not like she is desperate for money but she would just want to see that man impoverished, even if she has to use the Child support money to buy asho-ebi !

Finally, in such cases as this, the Father must do a critical evaluation, a "cost and benefit analysis".
=> What is there to lose, now and in the future; what is there to gain, now and in the future.
You cannot be a good father from JAIL (she will even tell his kids that he was bad and thats why he went to jail)
He is not weak or disinterested in his children, HE IS JUST BEING SMART ABOUT THE SITUATION!

There is ALWAYS a BOND, a natural bond between a parent and a child, if that parent is a good one, irrespective of whether they are in constant contact with the kid or not.

I have seen many situations where the Mother uses the children to spite the father (due to natural physiology, women are often granted custody) whenever there is a marital breakdown.
She will get the money but will labor all her life to PROPERLY raise the children (and most fail miserably!).

At the end of the day, somehow, the children will get to know (from word of mouth and personal contact with the man, when they are grown up) that it was their Mother that fouled things up..... and the hatred they will then develop for her is only just imaginable.

@OP: Let the man be.
All you need do is tell the children, whenever you have the opportunity to see them, "that their father loves them but cant be with them for now".

When they grow up, they will find out the truth ... and you will see that KARMA is a bit.ch!

Lastpage!

lastpage:
I am trying not to get involved in this argument but AT THE END OF THE DAY (as you described above), do you think such a Mother will be a PROUD MOTHER as well?
...And what do you think such kids would tell (or do to) the Mother who ruined their life ....if they can do the above to their father?
she would be worse-off, ... for all we know, the man may start another family and get other kids.


I tell you, this woman is determined to bring the man down at all cost!
*She hopes he will lose his job and default on Child Support = JAIL
*She hopes he will try to reach his kids (and that will be through her first, breaching the order) = JAIL
*As a Nurse, its not like she is desperate for money but she would just want to see that man impoverished, even if she has to use the Child support money to buy asho-ebi !

Finally, in such cases as this, the Father must do a critical evaluation, a "cost and benefit analysis".
=> What is there to lose, now and in the future; what is there to gain, now and in the future.
You cannot be a good father from JAIL (she will even tell his kids that he was bad and thats why he went to jail)
He is not weak or disinterested in his children, HE IS JUST BEING SMART ABOUT THE SITUATION!

There is ALWAYS a BOND, a natural bond between a parent and a child, if that parent is a good one, irrespective of whether they are in constant contact with the kid or not.

I have seen many situations where the Mother uses the children to spite the father (due to natural physiology, women are often granted custody) whenever there is a marital breakdown.
She will get the money but will labor all her life to PROPERLY raise the children (and most fail miserably!).

At the end of the day, somehow, the children will get to know (from word of mouth and personal contact with the man, when they are grown up) that it was their Mother that fouled things up..... and the hatred they will then develop for her is only just imaginable.

@OP: Let the man be.
All you need do is tell the children, whenever you have the opportunity to see them, "that their father loves them but cant be with them for now".

When they grow up, they will find out the truth ... and you will see that KARMA is a bit.ch!

Lastpage!

You mean lie to the kids
Does he 'really' love them?
Looks to me like he's resentful of them and the bitterness towards their mother is also extended to them!

Only Dayo & David seems to understand the Woman's manipulative/vindinctive strategy in the Divorce War and have provided sensible contributions to the OP posting, unfortunately, some here are still arguing blindly, shamelessly exposing their level of ignorance and myopic view for everyone to see. No wonder many good and successful brothers go for the trophy wife (white women)to avoid dealing with unrepentant drama queen while insisting on a prenup. The net result is that the few good black sisters are finding it harder to find a good black man amongst the few available good black men to marry.


@ Op, the man has done the right thing by paying the child support as he move on with his life. The children will look for their father when they grow up and realize that their mom made them lie against him.

Some man will find a way to not pay the Child support legally, they can even quit their Job, get on welfare and/or outright go back to school for about some years to do some programm (MBA, or what ever program he like) and provide evidence to the court and he will be off the hook for paying child support untill he start working again, and some will even live the country for good.

Marriage and Divorce has now become a business with love thrown out the Window in the West once the dotted line is signed. The link below shows some high profile divorce war with millions of $ settlement.

http://video.cnbc.com/gallery/?video=3000021000

That is another pet peeve.Quitting your job just so you dont get to support your kids
I get financial support is not the ONLY one way to support your kids BUT why do you hamper your own career chances so as just to be vindictive.

Anyway most people who do that probably had no careers anyway .Or have multiple children from multiple women which in itself says what sort of person they are.

An old friend my hubby went to School with in Nigeria did that.He quit his job and went on the dole saying he wonders where CSA would be coming out from.In the last couple of months Iain Duncan Smith moved him from income Support and Disability Living Allowance to Job Seekers allowance as he was assesed to be fit to work he he he he (one of the times i have whole heartedly agreed with this con-dem govt).Hubby was like he is seriously searching for a job now and serves him right.Lets see how he wont pay CSA now.

Grown adults regardless of Gender once you decidd to.have kids have to take responsibility for the wellbeing of the kids till they become adults.Using them as weapons in your own marital issues is just wrong.

I think in this case the man as at least done the right thing by choosing to financially support his kids.That said and has been said by so many other people he should love his kids despite his ex-wife.When you love(term is relative though) you choose to despite past wrongs.I still think he should try to have some sort of contact with his kids.The way OP painted its like he is sort resenting them for probably taking mums side.I have seen this first hand i.e my hubby relationship with his dad.The dad moved out and went to live with his younger wife and rarely asked after them.He paid sch fees did all he was meant to do but they all esp my SIL who is the only girl saw that it was more or less mum who did the leg work.Unfortunately their mum died when they were young after they moved back to Nigeria.So for a long time they kind of resented him for abandoning them (which he did )but as i used to say to hubby as both of them are dead we dont know what went on.You were like 6 and only heard mums side.It was up to Dad to make himself available despite having remarried.

Thats why it like i keep banging on about the kids.In this picture they are the most important.

Well lets wait until OP gives more info
But that the ladyfolk have found the nurse is clean and that the man is devil is much clear from the trend of discussions

davidylan, good points
Matured point from debrief raising the consequences of extremes.

hope the woman knows what shes sowing. . .

When I was just a little baby boy
My momma used to tell me these crazy things
She used to tell me my daddy was an evil man
She used to tell me he hated me

But then I got a little bit older
And I realized, she was the crazy one
But there was nothing I could do or say to try to change it
Cause that's just the way she was

I said, I'm sorry momma
I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to make you cry
but tonight I'm cleanin' out my closet


Now I would never diss my own momma just to get recognition
Take a second to listen for who you think this record is dissin'
But put yourself in my position, just try to envision
Witnessin' your momma poppin' prescription pills in the kitchen
Bitchin' that someone's always goin' through her purse and shit's missin'
Goin' through public housin' systems,
victim of Munchausen's syndrome
My whole life I was made to believe I was sick when I wasn't
'Til I grew up, now I blew up, it makes you sick to your stomach
Doesn't it? Wasn't it the reason you made that C.D. for me Ma?
So you could try to justify the way you treated me ma? But guess what?
You're gettin older now and it's cold when you're lonely
And Nathan's growin' up so quick, he's gonna know that you're phony
And Hailie's gettin' so big now, you should see her, she's beautiful
But you'll never see her, she won't even be at your funeral
See, what hurts me the most is you won't admit you was wrong
Bitch, do your song, keep tellin' yourself that you was a mom
But how dare you try to take what you didn't help me to get
You selfish bitch, I hope you fuckin' burn in hell for this shit
Remember when Ronnie died and you said you wished it was me?
Well, guess what, I am dead, dead to you as can be

What is d point about America being a sane clime when d laws are tilted towards women, its just d same here in Nigeria where it favors men. Lots of gud points have been made here & thanks 2 d guys dayo & co, some ladies also, debrief etc. I m still amused why some ladies were just making briefs for a bitch of a woman, a cheat, very disgusting, i wil never be on d side of a man that cheats on his wife. There over 1001 lies (ete ) in a woman, dats what my mum told me.

davidylan:

Go back and read your own posts ma'am. You just described yourself. Hindsight is always 20/20. We all enjoy having the privilege of insulting others but then shed crocodile tears once we get a dose of our own medicine. If in doubt please read YOUR OWN response to bjcole on page 8 (first post on that page).

I dont get angry any more wit abuse 4rm women o, after all these yrs in marriage, na 2day, to deal wit a woman, u need a very long rope.

bjcole: What is d point about America being a sane clime when d laws are tilted towards women, its just d same here in Nigeria where it favors men. Lots of gud points have been made here & thanks 2 d guys dayo & co, some ladies also, debrief etc. I m still amused why some ladies were just making briefs for a bitch of a woman, a cheat, very disgusting, i wil never be on d side of a man that cheats on his wife. There over 1001 lies (ete ) in a woman, dats what my mum told me.

Oga, please please do me a HUGE favor. . .Please (I know I wrote that already) can you list the people including their posts who were just making briefs for a bitch of a woman, a cheat, very disgusting,

Thank you.

dady2011: Only Dayo & David seems to understand the Woman's manipulative/vindinctive strategy in the Divorce War and have provided sensible contributions to the OP posting, unfortunately, some here are still arguing blindly, shamelessly exposing their level of ignorance and myopic view for everyone to see. No wonder many good and successful brothers go for the trophy wife (white women)to avoid dealing with unrepentant drama queen while insisting on a prenup. The net result is that the few good black sisters are finding it harder to find a good black man amongst the few available good black men to marry.


@ Op, the man has done the right thing by paying the child support as he move on with his life. The children will look for their father when they grow up and realize that their mom made them lie against him.

Some man will find a way to not pay the Child support legally, they can even quit their Job, get on welfare and/or outright go back to school for about some years to do some programm (MBA, or what ever program he like) and provide evidence to the court and he will be off the hook for paying child support untill he start working again, and some will even live the country for good.

Marriage and Divorce has now become a business with love thrown out the Window in the West once the dotted line is signed. The link below shows some high profile divorce war with millions of $ settlement.

http://video.cnbc.com/gallery/?video=3000021000

Hehehehehehe. . .

A week ago, the comment in bold won't have jumped out at me but after watching Back to back to back to back episodes of SCORNED, SNAPPED, FATAL VOWS, WICKED ATTRACTION (God punish YouTube, I swear ) I can't help but laugh.

Go on soun ojare mah broda!

Peace be upon thee and thy union!!!

bjcole: I dont get angry any more wit abuse 4rm women o, after all these yrs in marriage, na 2day, to deal wit a woman, u need a very long rope.

what's the rope for and why must it be long? you are not planning to commit suicude or are you?

davidylan:

your points are well noted. The problem is this is a no-win situation for him. If he attempts to force his way into his kids lives these are the likely consequences:

1. He violates a restraining order or one of the false charges stick and he gets the slammer (note that should an abuse charge be leveled against him, he automatically loses any rights to see those kids until the case is either proven or disproven).

2. It turns into a nasty long drawn-out custody case that puts the poor kids in an even worse situation... having to constantly listen to BOTH dad and mom destroy each other verbally and be forced to take sides

3. A long drawn out court case is a no-win for both sides, money that could have been saved up for the case gets eaten up by lawyers who want nothing but keep the case in court as long as possible to their own pecuniary benefits

I dont know which of the above scenarios is really beneficial to the kids. What is the point fighting when it only serves to hurt the kids even more? A public drawn out mom vs. dad battle is no good for any child regardless of the selfless motive.
A man i am fairly close with is STILL BITTER more than 15 yrs after a 9-yr divorce and custody battle with his wife that landed him in bankruptcy. These are REAL issues, sometimes you need to walk in the shoes of families who have gone through this to realize how DAMAGING it is to the psyche of a child. He eventually had to give his wife half his assets, give up rights to the kids (while remaining on the hook for hefty child support and alimony payments)... today the kids want nothing to do with mom and the son manages the company the man managed to rebuild over the years from scratch.

Its not so easy to just assume that the man wants nothing to do with his kids because he is a bad man.

1. A bad guy wont be paying child support when there are 1001 ways to avoid paying. Why would he go the extra mile to still maintain visitation despite the hurtful attempts of his wife to land him in jail? why would he get the kids a phone to contact him (that madam destroyed by the way)?

2. What exactly is he to do now? we have so much pontification on the morality of being in the lives of your daughters but NO ONE is coming up with serious options the dude can consider besides "go and fight in court". Really?

David no one can say what you have stated makes no sense. . .It does. What many of us have an issue with is the fact that it seems like he hasn't tried to fight at all . . .he doesn't even have a lawyer!! He is just allowing his wife and her lawyer run roughshod over him. And we have made suggestions but they were all dismissed. . .I mean we suggested making documenting all the things to thwart his efforts to be in his children's lives, some said it is too much work, we said go to court...they said it is too expensive, gave lists of Not Profit organisation that helps fathers in custody cases, it was ignored and the latest from CC is filing for visitation rights and you see how quickly that one was trashed. I am willing to bet the house that if he got a lawyer involved, the silly woman would relent. . . this is what bullies do

The truth is he is angry at his wife (which is understandable considering what she is done to him) and has let that anger spill on his kids.

Anyhoo, all this is probably moot because at the end of the day. . .people do what they believe is good for them and what the rest of us can do is keep our fingers crossed for them that it works well for them.

Sisi_Kill:

Oga, please please do me a HUGE favor. . .Please (I know I wrote that already) can you list the people including their posts who were just making briefs for a bitch of a woman, a cheat, very disgusting,

Thank you.



Hehehehehehe. . .

A week ago, the comment in bold won't have jumped out at me but after watching Back to back to back to back episodes of SCORNED, SNAPPED, FATAL VOWS, WICKED ATTRACTION (God punish YouTube, I swear ) I can't help but laugh.

Go on soun ojare mah broda!

Peace be upon thee and thy union!!!

hahahahhaha! . ROTFLMAO. Those shows will scare him into marrying his pillow.

Lets be practical here

Annual Cost

Child Support - 12000
Mortgage/Rent - 12000 (1000 monthly should be less sef)
Then add vocational fees for the daughters (dance, summer camp etc)
Then college fund 30000 (10000 * 3) minimum

Where would a man get to pay 300/hr legal fees which can run into ...

5 hrs monthly * 12 months = 60

300 * 60 = 18,000

Its not a joke when they say when u see a snake n a lawyer.. run away from the lawyer

Other legal fees include filing fees, getting reports etc

Do you know that one of the contributing factors that led to the death of the Reddit genuis Aaron swatz is depression arising from legal costs

The 26-year-old Internet wunderkind pleaded not guilty to the charges against him, but spent the next several months struggling to come up with the money to cover legal fees and continue his fight against the Justice Department, the site ZDnet reported.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2261277/Aaron-Swartz-Co-founder-popular-message-board-Reddit-dead-New-York-battling-depression.html#ixzz2HxraX700

@Sisikill

There is no need to dredge up posts showing the biasedness of the ladyfolk as he has been painted to be a devil
DSK was removed as IMF president and he lost the chance to rule France all because of an allegation *(we know he is a randy he goat) but remember you can not be a good father from JAIL
When e happen and he spend 6 months in prison, no job and he becomes a hobo, the same daughters will say there father is a lowlife,no good

Sisi_Kill:

David no one can say what you have stated makes no sense. . .It does. What many of us have an issue with is the fact that it seems like he hasn't tried to fight at all . . .he doesn't even have a lawyer!! He is just allowing his wife and her lawyer run roughshod over him.

After 13 pages, you're still posting this drivel.

He doesn't feel like doing sh1t and his ex-wife can go hang herself. That I think is his game plan, and it's a darn good one too. He gets to self-preserve and ignore the b!tch at the same time.

In this type of love triangle, you never under estimate what an angry woman could do, if she could not get him to play her game so that she can put him away through false accusation, she could resort to beging him for a second chance blaming everything on the devil. If he is foolish enough to not read the hand writing on the wall and fall for the trap, she then could eliminate him by herself or arrange for her boyfriend to do the dirty job for some life insurance claim.

When the dust settles, she will realize sooner that the person that she is sleeping with now will not commit to marrying her, and then it is too late. Typically, woman like this end up lossing her savings to a young guy that will take advantage of her and clean her account red before walking away on her. unfortunately, the kids will suffer the most and they might be abused by her boyfriend under her nose without her knowing.

If you must marry, please do not go to the village to marry and bring her over, it does not work in most cases. Save yourself the trouble by looking out for a well educated girl that is born in the West, with the fear of God in her and whose parent are not divorce.

Abrantie:

After 13 pages, you're still posting this drivel.

He doesn't feel like doing sh1t and his ex-wife can go hang herself. That I think is his game plan, and it's a darn good one too. He gets to self-preserve and ignore the b!tch at the same time.

Was gonna ignore you. . .actually been ignoring you because you are obviously incapable of of rational thinking. I posted that the guy is letting his anger for wife his spill on his kids and you come here talking about "His ex-wife can go hang herself" and "Ignore the bitch"

It's either you too dense to see how your post validates my point or you are referring to the children as Bitches since the crux of the matter here HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS CHILDREN. Either way, it shows it is a complete waste of time responding to you.

Look, I have little nephews so I totally understand that need to wanna join in the big boys discussion. . .I truly do but it is advisable to just wait until you are capable of bringing something sensible to the table. The last thing you want, especially when you are trying to prove yourself, is a pity, condescending tap on the head. . .except of course, that's what you like.

DSK lost his job and opportunity to rule France because a woman falsely accused him of rapppe

Ambassador Wigwe lost his job and his dignity (His face all over the web) because a woman falsely accused him of battery

Now how does this man fight without losing his livelihood and possibly his freedom also consider the legal cost

I thought this case is closed & dusted, i dnt expect any woman to still be making any comment on what they think the guy shd still do after these facts 4rm d gurus. I ve never seen a discussion where d opposing discussants fell flat like this, in a game of boxing, this is a pure knockout, men, dayo, david & others, una too much, even debrief wey sabi argue, quickly agreed wit d gurus. May be i shd ask my ladies, what do u think of this woman? is she a bitch, wicked & a devil? just ur opiinion pls.

coogar:

what's the rope for and why must it be long? you are not planning to commit suicude or are you?

my brother, whether it is rope or spoon, it just ve to been long o, so u dnt ve to exhaust ur patience. Women will always get u high & 4 me na siddon look. U can imagine one even called me mumu here, she said i dnt measure up 2 her hubby, she does not know me o. One cannot just do without them abi? with dat honey pot in between their legs. God dey.

lastpage:
I am trying not to get involved in this argument but AT THE END OF THE DAY (as you described above), do you think such a Mother will be a PROUD MOTHER as well?
...And what do you think such kids would tell (or do to) the Mother who ruined their life ....if they can do the above to their father?
she would be worse-off, ... for all we know, the man may start another family and get other kids.


I tell you, this woman is determined to bring the man down at all cost!
*She hopes he will lose his job and default on Child Support = JAIL
*She hopes he will try to reach his kids (and that will be through her first, breaching the order) = JAIL
*As a Nurse, its not like she is desperate for money but she would just want to see that man impoverished, even if she has to use the Child support money to buy asho-ebi !

Finally, in such cases as this, the Father must do a critical evaluation, a "cost and benefit analysis".
=> What is there to lose, now and in the future; what is there to gain, now and in the future.
You cannot be a good father from JAIL (she will even tell his kids that he was bad and thats why he went to jail)
He is not weak or disinterested in his children, HE IS JUST BEING SMART ABOUT THE SITUATION!

There is ALWAYS a BOND, a natural bond between a parent and a child, if that parent is a good one, irrespective of whether they are in constant contact with the kid or not.

I have seen many situations where the Mother uses the children to spite the father (due to natural physiology, women are often granted custody) whenever there is a marital breakdown.
She will get the money but will labor all her life to PROPERLY raise the children (and most fail miserably!).

At the end of the day, somehow, the children will get to know (from word of mouth and personal contact with the man, when they are grown up) that it was their Mother that fouled things up..... and the hatred they will then develop for her is only just imaginable.

@OP: Let the man be.
All you need do is tell the children, whenever you have the opportunity to see them, "that their father loves them but cant be with them for now".

When they grow up, they will find out the truth ... and you will see that KARMA is a bit.ch!

Lastpage!

Lastpage; When marital conflict is at it's boiling point nobody cares ...so being a proud Mother is outta the skyscraper ...... I lived it so I know.... Nobody is patting this mom in question on the back NO! We were just concerned bout these kids.

What I think the kids will do to their mom? Well that's the core reason why Ladies here are campaigning for the Dad to be involved in his kids life, rather than fold his hands and pay 1grand worth of child support he doesn't have to....

Biola was talking about his monthly expenses , he doesn't have to pay 1k if he fought it.....legal fees? well that's part of parenting , and if he's living with them wouldn't he cough out emergency $300 for his kids?
You guys are just making it a big deal.

And yes he is WEAK .... DISINTERESTED? Well I'll have to know him to find out...

When I was 5years old and some old Aunt told me oh your mom still loves you very much and she'd be around when you're 14. ... I would for sure think shes crazy!

The only point Guys don't seem to agree is ; if he truly want those girls and raise them himself he won't be running away from a legal fight he's likely to win.......

My embellishment add on ; I was at family services today and made a lot of enquiries about a 'messy divorce '..., you'd be surprised at the number of resources they have 'Mediation', 'just for kids sake', 'legal conflicts' and many more. ( with pictures of both stone faced parents and happy kid with his arms wrapped around his dad )
And David this applies to US residents too .

I'm neither on any side ..... I'm just very concern bout these girls that could end up broken soon in life.

Woged2005: My female cousin who is a nurse in the USA with two daughters cooked up lies and filed for a restraining order against her husband. She filed for and got full physical/ legal custody of the kids as well as a monthly child support payment of $1000 from her husband for the two kids mostly because her husband refused to fight for the case. But this has backfired, as her husband has refused to visit, see or even call the kids for the past 7 months. Rather he simply mails the child support. My cousin continues to lie to everyone that her husband was abusive in the marriage to justify her actions. Lies! lies!! lies!! I knew this couple from day one. In fact, she was the abuser, she patronizes fake Nigerian pastors who saw fake visions/ prophesies for her, she gossips a lot, insults her husband before us, and can’t move along with anyone. In addition, she was secretly going out with a male nurse at her workplace of which I confronted her before and she said he’s just a friend. Now we know he’s more than a friend to her because they made love.

I asked her husband last week why he doesn’t make any effort to see his kids. He said his wife was the one that lied and filed for full custody of the kids, that she coached the kids to lie in court in order to get child support, that she was using the kids to draw her into a costly custody battle, which he won’t succumb to. Therefore, she should keep the kids. I begged and he hung up. I wept!

I visited the kids last week; they sat on chairs like orphans depressed. They miss their dad! Even my cousin has started suffering, as she’s now saddled with raising two girls by herself because of $1000 a month child support. Yet pride won't let her stop. Did I mention that she retained a white lawyer whose interest is getting paid per hour and keeps firing up the case?

No amount of preaching has changed this man’s heart to call or even start visiting his kids. We don’t know if and when he will. Everyone is just shocked! Very sad!

Fellow Nairalanders is this man right in what he is doing just to avoid a confrontation or custody battle, or should he retain a lawyer too to fight for shared custody of the kids? The kids are in the middle. My interest? I am a God-mother to one of the girls…weeping!!

I have read the initial post and part of argument,I am afraid I totally understand why the man would keep away and I do not blame him.
Those chastising him from not contacting his children forget that this is a human being with feelings too
can you imagine your wife making up stories and your own kids side her in court against you in a divorce proceeding
My husband loves his children to death but if I were to do what this woman did I can bet that he will do the exact same thing.

This is nothing but survival instincts
Every human wants self preservation and that is what he is doing
Allow him time to heal,you cannot be more concerned about the welfare of those kids than he is.

The divorce has only been 7 months and somehow people expect that a man who has been dragged through the courts will suddenly forget everything and embrace the children that were used to hurt him.The same children live with the same woman that orchestrated all this.
This is like a mourning period.
Let him mourn the death of his marriage and the loss of what he had.
I am certain he loves his children but he needs time to heal and figure out the way to navigate through the new normal that life has presented his way.
I do not blame him one bit
He will come around when he is ready
His children will always be his children and will get to hear his side one day.

The person I feel sorry for is this wife
One day these kids will grow up to resent her greatly.That is always the way it goes.They will blame her for ruining their family,hurting the father they loved,alienating them from him.They will blame her for any failures They have in life.She is in deep poo,she just doesn't know it yet.
using kids as pawns is the worst thing a woman can do,sadly many do it for their sick purposes,it never ends well.

Women are funny,
The only excuse women here are using against the man are the KIDS.
They are not different from the Ex-wife.

Hehehe hell has no fury than a woman scorned!

Methinks the man's hands are tied! Going to the courts to lose more money? Let's be practical here! What kind of vile woman would gladly collect child support and deny the man a chance to even call his kids? In essence she can't stand him but happily collects his money. The woman is the only villain here cos at the end of the day the man has his life to live

emmatok: Women are funny,
The only excuse women here are using against the man are the KIDS.

You may not have noticed but that's actually what the thread is about.

Thread title: Should he fight for custody of his KIDS?

ileobatojo:

You may not have noticed but that's actually what the thread is about.

Thread title: Should he fight for custody of his KIDS?

@Nwando/osisi/babymama ..... I hear you o! I'm just saying what I would encourage if the guy is my brother( Reference to OP 's question) ...

bros chairman continue mourning and self preserve until your kids turn 14 o!

( person we him wife die sef don finish mourning and we are even talking about kids with a bad role model here )

Woged2005: My female cousin who is a nurse in the USA with two daughters cooked up lies and filed for a restraining order against her husband. My cousin continues to lie to everyone that her husband was abusive in the marriage to justify her actions. Lies! lies!! lies!! I knew this couple from day one. In fact, she was the abuser, she patronizes fake Nigerian pastors who saw fake visions/ prophesies for her, she gossips a lot, insults her husband before us, and can’t move along with anyone. In addition, she was secretly going out with a male nurse at her workplace of which I confronted her before and she said he’s just a friend. Now we know he’s more than a friend to her because they made love.

If you've ever played the game of chess before, you will know there are certain moves after which no other moves you make can prevent loss/certain doom. They call such a move a blunder. The best you can do is prolong the game by making good moves; but then the game is lost anyway.

He made a blunder marrying your cousin in the first place (as judging from the description of your cousin, she doesn't sound like a woman any sane man should marry, date or even have a fling with for that matter). It's as simple as that. He simply cannot recover from that blunder, and any other bad move will simply hasten his ultimate doom. He has made a good move to stay in the game (staying away from her and their kids). Fighting for custody will lead to a quick checkmate.