I think I am in support of the man in this case cos it seems the woman is all out to get him and if he tries too hard he might land in Jail

Woged2005:

Yes ma you are absolutely correct. God Bless you.

I asked the mediator, she said the restraining order did not include the children. There was also a visitation order in place with drop off and pick up location. But the wife formed the habit of rushing to her lawyer to file allegations of abuse/ neglect each time the kids came back from their dad's house. One was an allegation by the wife that the dad kept alcoholic wine in his refrigerator at the reach of the kids during visitation. though that was not investigated. The mediator said these types of allegations made the man to restrain himself. The mediator said the man bought the kids a prepaid contact phone, which his wife has turned off or thrown away. So he's scared of his wife's determined efforts to either have locked up or have a costly legal fight. Now you can see my anger with my own cousin. If true, these actions are uncalled for..

Who would read the bolded and still want to keep contact and risk going to jail?

How many men have alcoholic beverage in their fridge? Is that now a reason to make such complaint?

The woman is a witch period

Nigerian women especially those fresh off the boat... na wa.

So we now know that our chairman did actually try being there for the kids only to be thwarted time and time again by his "wife". Well i dont know what else the folks here want him to do. Go to jail?

seedord247: I repeat... Never marry a naija woman in usa or uk.... They are worse than Akata's.

sharrrap dia!!!

Because a lot of naija men are gold diggers with so much ego. D two dont go together. U want a nurse cos u know hw much they make but u wont cool down either. How many of d akata's ur talking abt are nurses? Akata feeds herself wt any job she can find. Its always naija women that must go into nurses. Naija women and nursing!nursing!nursing!. I tire sha

Kamsy10:
sharrrap dia!!!

Because a lot of naija men are gold diggers with so much ego. D two dont go together. U want a nurse cos u know hw much they make but u wont cool down either. How many of d akata's ur talking abt are nurses?

foool shuttup and zip up that stinky mouth of yours...

what do you know?

Go and check the statistics of naija families in, chi town, Atl, houston and DC and come back here and tell em what you learn.

So many of the fellas that traveled back home to bring their wife here are almost the victim of this.....

After spending like 5-8 years in Yankee just to be somebody or achieved the american dream, You will end up to square 2 if the child support thing obfuscated ya life...

I'm not gonna support either of them..... It takes 2 to tango period....

Also any Naija men wey bring fresh fish from Naija has an agenda in the first place or else why not marry from those wey boku there ( except they've been dating before he came)? Shuo!

Like I've mentioned before, the kids will be fine, it's obvious the man has moved on or he'll eventually end up in jail noni!

bigheart2013: I am a serious mind and don't wish to get into fables with petty people here. Everyone has his/her class (no insults)

@OP, I researched your case, and here's the advice from a very seasoned US-based lawyer on how to settle this problem without hurting the kids

1. Both parties must wait till the restraining order expires or vacated (usually one year). Absolutely no contacts before then.
2. contact a mediator both parties will trust (usually someone independent. A trusted clergy can serve)
3. He should find out from the man what type of visitation he will like with his Kids (No court in USA can deny a man visitation with his kids)
4. Communicate to his wife what visitation he wants (continue this process until both parties agree on something)
5. The lady should ask her lawyer to put the agreement into a 'Consent order'. They should also be firm with the lawyer to do what they (parties) want not what the lawyer wants. Lawyers usually want the case to keep going by fueling it so they get paid.
6. If the lawyer is not cooperating, fire him/her and use a pro-bono or another lawyer
7. both should Sign the consent agreement and file it in court. It becomes legal and official. Visitation/child support is established amicably.

His advise on how an aggrieved woman can separate without hurting her kids:

2. Start a discussion with your husband, get a house and plan to move out and tell him the date. To avoid violence u can temporarily stay at a friend's house, and meet at neutral grounds.
2. Agree on what you will take from the house (car, property, kids' favorite toys, etc)
3. Have a discussion about custody/visitation that's best for your kids interest. Most men will let the woman keep the kids as long as they can visit the kids. 4. Once you have agreement. Have a lawyer to calculate the child support for both of u
5. The lawyer draws a consent agreement, which both of you will sign and file in court.

The separation, custody and child support becomes legal and official.

You don't need court cases that wastes money on legal fees. Smart people don't.

What are you yapping about

All this to prove you actually understood the OP and yet here you are, failing miserably!

Was there a court order preventing him from seeing the kids? Does the restraining order apply to his kids?

Couple get divorced all the time, doesn't stop them from being involved in the children's lives.

You need to get real my friend . . .

Woged2005:

Yes ma you are absolutely correct. God Bless you.

I asked the mediator, she said the restraining order did not include the children. There was also a visitation order in place with drop off and pick up location. But the wife formed the habit of rushing to her lawyer to file allegations of abuse/ neglect each time the kids came back from their dad's house. One was an allegation by the wife that the dad kept alcoholic wine in his refrigerator at the reach of the kids during visitation. though that was not investigated. The mediator said these types of allegations made the man to restrain himself. The mediator said the man bought the kids a prepaid contact phone, which his wife has turned off or thrown away. So he's scared of his wife's determined efforts to either have locked up or have a costly legal fight. Now you can see my anger with my own cousin. If true, these actions are uncalled for.

What I don't understand is why her husband doesn't have his own lawyer to take on the other lawyer heads on? He's very educated and has a stable job. I may have to hands off from this case.

Okay so the wife is being very petty but in the long run she is actually working in his favor, especially if he continues to toe the line of the law. Yes, it is going to take a lot of patience and time but seriously, is there a limit to those two when it comes to one's children?

Let him start documenting every effort he makes to stay in touch with his kids and everything she's done to thwart his efforts. All her complains are done in isolation so gravity of their pettiness is not so obvious but when they are listed in black and white. . it becomes really easy to see her for what she is.

Unfortunately it is the Naija man's ego that always works against them, the idea that some else is telling them what to do, when to do and how to do it?!! Whaaaa??! Me? Da man?!! Tufia! So they go all Tarzan and end up destroying more than necessary (The relationship with their children), when all it really calls for is some jejely behavior. Isn't it better to be act like a mouse and win at the end than be a Lion and lose?!!

You can't do much at this point than to persuade him to get a lawyer. . .that is if he truly, truly wants to be in his children's lives.

dayokanu: I think I am in support of the man in this case cos it seems the woman is all out to get him and if he tries too hard he might land in Jail



Who would read the bolded and still want to keep contact and risk going to jail?

How many men have alcoholic beverage in their fridge? Is that now a reason to make such complaint?

The woman is a witch period

I don't know you tell me. Where I come from, such things are actually kept away from young children . . . It's called child care. Any responsible father should know that!

The problem here is that the man NEVER fought for the kids. He just gave up . . . They are his kids for God's sakes!

Something tells me he's acting that way cos they are girls, I bet he would fight harder for a boy child!

jidegirl12: I'm not gonna support either of them..... It takes 2 to tango period....

Yep. . .Like my grandma will say - The owner of the house ni lowo, the guest di me ru!

Please translate!!

Ujujoan:

What are you yapping about

All this to prove you actually understood the OP and yet here you are, failing miserably!

Was there a court order preventing him from seeing the kids? Does the restraining order apply to his kids?

Couple get divorced all the time, doesn't stop them from being involved in the children's lives.

You need to get real my friend . . .

Hmmm i actually think bigheart2003 was just trying to provide a point of view. You dont need to be so nasty to him for no reason whatsoever.
Obviously he lives in the US and better understands the issues with regard to the law which you really dont.

The restraining order does not apply to his kids but since they are minors how does he get across to them? By magic?

@seedord247


Answer my question first. How many of d akata's married by nigerians are nurses? Have u wondered that its always naija men and their nurses abi wives?

Woged2005:

Yes ma you are absolutely correct. God Bless you.

I asked the mediator, she said the restraining order did not include the children. There was also a visitation order in place with drop off and pick up location. But the wife formed the habit of rushing to her lawyer to file allegations of abuse/ neglect each time the kids came back from their dad's house. One was an allegation by the wife that the dad kept alcoholic wine in his refrigerator at the reach of the kids during visitation. though that was not investigated. The mediator said these types of allegations made the man to restrain himself. The mediator said the man bought the kids a prepaid contact phone, which his wife has turned off or thrown away. So he's scared of his wife's determined efforts to either have locked up or have a costly legal fight. Now you can see my anger with my own cousin. If true, these actions are uncalled for.

What I don't understand is why her husband doesn't have his own lawyer to take on the other lawyer heads on? He's very educated and has a stable job. I may have to hands off from this case.

Finally!

You are beginning to see something wrong with the man.For a moment there I thought you were to baised to think staright.

Abeg the man is not a local illiterate. I'm sure he can find a way to stay in his kid's life if he wants to.

Come to think of it, there's a reason why his wife doesn't want her kids around him. From his actions, I think I understand!

Uju gbam!!! If there's at least one boy in the mix I'm sure he must have came around.

Sisi don't listen to the OP, it take two to tango se , they are both use less individuals, I don't have any remorse for the man one bit, I've seen lot of his kind fled cos of child support several times to avoid jail .... ASHI ( don't mind my slur jare... It's kinda therapeutic )

Woged2005:

Yes ma you are absolutely correct. God Bless you.

I asked the mediator, she said the restraining order did not include the children. There was also a visitation order in place with drop off and pick up location. But the wife formed the habit of rushing to her lawyer to file allegations of abuse/ neglect each time the kids came back from their dad's house. One was an allegation by the wife that the dad kept alcoholic wine in his refrigerator at the reach of the kids during visitation. though that was not investigated. The mediator said these types of allegations made the man to restrain himself. The mediator said the man bought the kids a prepaid contact phone, which his wife has turned off or thrown away. So he's scared of his wife's determined efforts to either have locked up or have a costly legal fight. Now you can see my anger with my own cousin. If true, these actions are uncalled for.

What I don't understand is why her husband doesn't have his own lawyer to take on the other lawyer heads on? He's very educated and has a stable job. I may have to hands off from this case.

Perhaps he doesnt feel he shld waste his money fighting a losing case in court? You know quite well that his wife will NOT lose custody rights unless he can prove she is an unfit mother (a herculean task!)... so why should he burn his hard earned cash that he can easily save to put his kids through college? Of what benefit is it to waste hundreds of thousands fighting for custody then having nothing to provide his kids when they truly need the help?

davidylan:

Hmmm i actually think bigheart2003 was just trying to provide a point of view. You dont need to be so nasty to him for no reason whatsoever.
Obviously he lives in the US and better understands the issues with regard to the law which you really dont.

The restraining order does not apply to his kids but since they are minors how does he get across to them? By magic?

Well sorry for commenting on an oyinbo thread. I'm just an igbotic 9ja woman with zero capability to understand simple English and foreign laws!

But common sense tells me that a man can still pick up his kids, with or without a restraining order. Thank God OP confirmed this.

You can make excuses for the man all you can (I don't expect you to do otherwise), the truth remains that he a horrible father and probably a worse husband!

I rest my case!

Woged2005: My female cousin who is a nurse in the USA with two daughters cooked up lies and filed for a restraining order against her husband. She filed for and got full physical/ legal custody of the kids as well as a monthly child support payment of $1000 from her husband for the two kids mostly because her husband refused to fight for the case. But this has backfired, as her husband has refused to visit, see or even call the kids for the past 7 months. Rather he simply mails the child support. My cousin continues to lie to everyone that her husband was abusive in the marriage to justify her actions. Lies! lies!! lies!! I knew this couple from day one. In fact, she was the abuser, she patronizes fake Nigerian pastors who saw fake visions/ prophesies for her, she gossips a lot, insults her husband before us, and can’t move along with anyone. In addition, she was secretly going out with a male nurse at her workplace of which I confronted her before and she said he’s just a friend. Now we know he’s more than a friend to her because they made love.

I asked her husband last week why he doesn’t make any effort to see his kids. He said his wife was the one that lied and filed for full custody of the kids, that she coached the kids to lie in court in order to get child support, that she was using the kids to draw her into a costly custody battle, which he won’t succumb to. Therefore, she should keep the kids. I begged and he hung up. I wept!

I visited the kids last week; they sat on chairs like orphans depressed. They miss their dad! Even my cousin has started suffering, as she’s now saddled with raising two girls by herself because of $1000 a month child support. Yet pride won't let her stop. Did I mention that she retained a white lawyer whose interest is getting paid per hour and keeps firing up the case?

No amount of preaching has changed this man’s heart to call or even start visiting his kids. We don’t know if and when he will. Everyone is just shocked! Very sad!

Fellow Nairalanders is this man right in what he is doing just to avoid a confrontation or custody battle, or should he retain a lawyer too to fight for shared custody of the kids? The kids are in the middle. My interest? I am a God-mother to one of the girls…weeping!!

The kids have picked their side, so why are they missing the man now? Utter rubbish, the man shouldn't even bother about the kids...

Ujujoan:

Well sorry for commenting on an oyinbo thread. I'm just an igbotic 9ja woman with zero capability to understand simple English and foreign laws!

But common sense tells me that a man can still pick up his kids, with or without a restraining order. Thank God OP confirmed this.

You can make excuses for the man all you can (I don't expect you to do otherwise), the truth remains that he a horrible father and probably a worse husband!

I rest my case!

the OP confirmed that the man actually did try that several times and all he got was constant police reports by the wife. Unfortunately things are not as black and white as they seem... a simple false allegation can lead to the filing of charges which would DEF cost him a high profile job regardless of if the charges are later dropped.

If she so much as reports him for sexually molesting his daughter he is as good as toast!

kpolli:

The kids have picked their side, so why are they missing the man now? Utter rubbish, the man shouldn't even bother about the kids...

Lol . . .

so a 7 and 10-year old has the ability to 'chose' Lol!

Men sha . .

davidylan:

the OP confirmed that the man actually did try that several times and all he got was constant police reports by the wife. Unfortunately things are not as black and white as they seem... a simple false allegation can lead to the filing of charges which would DEF cost him a high profile job regardless of if the charges are later dropped.

If she so much as reports him for sexually molesting his daughter he is as good as toast!

It's easy for you to defend him and claim 'there's nothing he could have done' . . . But you and I both know it's not true!

There's always a way . . . Madam CC suggested going out with the kids in public places.

What's wrong with having witnesses around, even social workers . . . if it means you get to spend an hour or two with your kids

Someone suggested he documents his efforts to reach the kids and how the wife had frustrated them, and use them to make a case against her, but of course they are not worth the fight. They are 'just' his kids! Why should he 'waste' his time and money

kpolli:

The kids have picked their side, so why are they missing the man now? Utter rubbish, the man shouldn't even bother about the kids...

Seriously?

Some men are scary.

Both parents should take the blame not only the MAN.
That woman must be one of those brain washed feminist, who thinks they must always milk the man.

Ujujoan:

It's easy for you to defend him and claim 'there's nothing he could have done' . . . But you and I both know it's not true!

There's always a way . . . Madam CC suggested going out with the kids in public places.

What's wrong with having witnesses around, even social workers . . . if it means you get to spend an hour or two with your kids

Someone suggested he documents his efforts to reach the kids and how the wife had frustrated them, and use them to make a case against her, but of course they are not worth the fight. They are 'just' his kids! Why should he 'waste' his time and money

1. Well for him to get the kids in a public place he has to contact them right? How does he do this? Should he stand on the street and yell their names? How does he arrange this with a wife who has a restraining order against him? should he get a lawyer (at the rate of > $500/hr) each time he needs to see his kids?

2. Witnesses or no witnesses. If she so much as places a sexual harassment report against him to the police, he can kiss his career and reputation goodbye.

Sisi_Kill:

Seriously?

Some men are scary.

And yet we wonder why some women become vindictive overnight . . .
This one will soon become somebody's father and husband (that's if he's not already). . . SMH!

The prepaid line he gave the kids the wife trashed.

She reports that he has beer in his fridge, So those that drink beer at home where do they keep it if not in the fridge?

The man is doing the best he can given the circumstance

If they meet outside in a mall and he cant take the children out because the witch of a wife would report how hugging his own daughters is child abuse

kpolli:

The kids have picked their side, so why are they missing the man now? Utter rubbish, the man shouldn't even bother about the kids...

Yepa! Now it's the kids fault.... Wonders shall never end!

Ujujoan:

And yet we wonder why some women become vindictive overnight . . .
This one will soon become somebody's father and husband (that's if he's not already). . . SMH!

You still havent told us what more the man can do without putting his life in danger?

WHats the use when the man is taken to jail just becasue he wants to be a father to his children, would he be dad from jail? At least he is giving his Child support I bet a lot of men wont even bother

davidylan:

1. Well for him to get the kids in a public place he has to contact them right? How does he do this? Should he stand on the street and yell their names? How does he arrange this with a wife who has a restraining order against him? should he get a lawyer (at the rate of > $500/hr) each time he needs to see his kids?

2. Witnesses or no witnesses. If she so much as places a sexual harassment report against him to the police, he can kiss his career and reputation goodbye.

I don't get it . . . did you NOT see the part about visitation pick-up venues

You'll say anything to justify your claim huh ??

Ok, you win!

jidegirl12:

Yepa! Now it's the kids fault.... Wonders shall never end!

Its their wicked mothers fault and when the kids grow older they would see that its the witch they call a mother thats at fault

Ujujoan:

I don't get it . . . did you NOT see the part about visitation pick-up venues

You'll say anything to justify your claim huh ??

Ok, you win!

He picks them up and return them to face charges of beer in fridge not that he is feeding them beer. or trash the phone he bought for them?

seedord247: I repeat... Never marry a naija woman in usa or uk.... They are worse than Akata's.

well said.

Ujujoan:

I don't get it . . . did you NOT see the part about visitation pick-up venues

You'll say anything to justify your claim huh ??

Ok, you win!

and pray how do the kids get there? By magic? I asked you... do you expect that each time he needs to see his kids he needs to get a lawyer to enfore a court order? At what cost? How much is he making a month?

You still didnt address the question... what if she accuses him of sexually molesting his daughter? What should he do?

davidylan:

and pray how do the kids get there? By magic? I asked you... do you expect that each time he needs to see his kids he needs to get a lawyer to enfore a court order? At what cost? How much is he making a month?

You still didnt address the question... what if she accuses him of sexually molesting his daughter? What should he do?

Go to jail become a registered child molester, lose his job, life and 5yrs later he is acquitted by a jury that it was just a jealous wife who fabricated the story