ideal94: Solution:
* Give ur Life to JESUS:
Be Born again,surrender all to him,he cares for u,he loves u, knows ur pain/hurt, 'Come to me all ye dt labour n heavy in heart n i will give u rest'. Welcome d Holy Spirit ur best Counsellor,Guide,Teacher,Standby,Best Friend into ur life, Develop a Personal r/p with ur Creator, make him nos 1 followed by ur Husband.
* Prayer of Forgiveness:
'The Lord's prayer say ' Forgive us our Sins,as we forgive those who trespass/sin against us......' , Pray dt God shld forgive u ur Sins- of Anger,Hurts in ur heart towards ur partner, Pray for a Clean Heart, By d Blood of Jesus n free urself from every thought dt keeps u in boundage by d Blood of Jesus.
*Pray God for a New Love towards ur partner, there is nothing we ask God from a Clean Heart dt he does not ANSWER us.
* Forgive ur Partner Consciously ,Sincerely,from within in Prayers to God by d Blood of Jesus,make it ur creed every time d thoughts rises from within.
* With d WISDOM of GOD : Express urself verbally to ur partner,empty ur mind to Him and BE CAREFUL DO NOT CONDEM,ABUSE,JUDGE ur partners for his acts ,Remember u have forgiven him. Tell him u have forgiven him.
*ALWAYS PRAY 4 Him- his will,mind,emotions,spiritual,social,physical life everything should conform to Gods Standard.
*ALWAYS LOVE ur partner:
Pregnancy/Baby/Job/Too much Activity, should Not hinder ur INTIMACY/SEX LIFE with ur partner.
Treat him like a Baby -He wants dt, cos other ladies will treat him like dt if u dont.
* Apreciate/Respect Him,DO NOT Over-Look His Act of Kindness, Tell him SWEET WORDS cos he want dt.
* LOVE YOURSELF:
Pamper urself wit good things, ALWAYS LOOK VERY VERY ATTRACTIVE TO HIM,
Good outfits, make up,romantic fragrances,make ur home/room attractive,healty foods. etc
* Read Good Books dt address ur situation, Go On-Line for informations .
* INITIATE FAMILY PRAYERS it helps, A FAMILY THATS PRAYS TOGETHER STAYS TOGETHER.

dealslip: i feel for u. i was once in your shoes. it could be insulting and heart wrenching,knowing your husband just cheated and expects your trust and intimacy from you. Most men are insensitive and downright cheats not playing according to the rules of marriage. But know that first, you are not at fault and its common after pregnancy to lose sex drive. Secondly, its nt becos u areunattractive that your husband cheats but because he lacks self control. The women that call don't love him they probably need money and are desperate enough to call at 2am without regards for his home. They equally lack moral to send their nude pictures. They obviously lack self respect and dignity. Like i said earlier on i was once in your shoes, it can be very very infuriating esp when the blame is put your ways. Though circumstances differ but it took God's grace for me to overcome. In my own case, i fought continiously but he didn't change even the girls didn't relent. Sometimes they laughed at me together when they meet behind infact i laid a curse on him at apoint nothing changed but kept on denying until one day, he got so bold to the extent that he swore with God's name asking God to unsettle him and scatter his life if he was guilty adultery. 10 hours after that pronouncement he was in Lion building and implicated in a fraud in the office. Even me that was angry started praying for him. it was at that point that God started healing in our marriage though whenever he came close for sex i always feel like breaking his head with a pestle even one day i bit him so hard, he bled but i just kept on holding to the verse that said forgive 70 * 7 times. i was able to overcome the pain becos its only in forgiveness that you can find healing. Sometime i still feel the hurt but just try to switch my mind off and focus on forgiveness. Now i am having the best time of my marriage and even more fufilling sex life. If you don't forgive you guys will keep moving apart and you will likely suffer the most. Most men are very insensitive becos they were brought up that way by the society not becos they actually mean to but it doesn't mean you should condone such. Also when they call pick their and let them know you are (people may not agree but the girls will respect your space). i hope it helps

vivalableue: I think that you should
a) be very honest with him in plain words. Be straight forward saying "I feel (ex: upset, sad, abandoned, hurt, ashamed) ____ when _______ (ex:I don't I know where you are, or when I see calls from other women, etc)". Don't elaborate too much, and be careful to not direct the feelings toward him in an angry way, but in a voice that promotes dialogue (remember you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar)
b) let him know that your happiness is also his responsibility (also try not to sound naggy, try to imagine the hurt deep inside of you and draw it up and release it in your words, he will respond more acutely to your hurt than to your anger), and ask him what you both need to do to achieve it. I say ask him becos men are wired to be solution/providers.
c) That's why making him feel important is key! doing what you can do to make him know that he is oga at home and he needs to steer the family out of this danger zone.

I want to say that A-B-C works in amazingly to get your feelings across to any man because he won't feel like he's attacked and therefore will not be defensive, rather he'd be able to identify with you and be that solution provider he was born to be!

d) Look fabulous everyday for you! Men, love confident beautiful women, that are into being naturally beautiful, think of the clothes, shoes, etc as an accessory to your inner beauty
e)Initiate family prayers, start weekly then go on from there.
F) explore your sexuality, you are a married woman it's ok! Think about all the fun, exciting things you can do as partners, if it means working out to be able to spin on your head, well go ahead! But be coy, play hard to get, let him chase you and bring out this new side of you. Be his lady on the street and freak in the sheets, don't let anyone else know what is in store, be patient this will surprise him no doubt and might not respond at first. But He will enjoy the game, which may be what he's missing. That inner animal needs to be hunting YOU and not any floosy!
G) GO AWAY FOR A ROMANTIC GETAWAY...not now though, make him see you blossom into this amazing, confident and sexy woman be irresistible to your hubby. Remember how you were when you married him, become that woman again, excited for the future ready to take on the world!

bukatyne:

I would agree with you if she said her husband was lazy or stingy or something related to money.

Her pain is that her husband became a serial cheat because she was pregnant and didn't desire for sex... Even with the lack of desire, she tried to please him.

How does this relate to money?

Why is almost every poster beating around the bush?

chris51: I honestly sympathise with you & your husband. Your relationship before marriage was just infatuation and fun but this is the reality of marriage. We all go thru this stage. I'll be celebrating my 40th next month.
If you want to enjoy your sexual life, you must have an open mind. Remove suspicion from your mind. It takes two to tango.
Think of those good attributes of his that made you marry him. Count yourself lucky to have been the one he chose to marry out of the girls in his life.
Also thank God for the fruit of the womb. Many girls spend years looking for baby, these days.
Please forget your earnings. Don't let anybody deceive you. Make it a task that you must enjoy your relationship. Put yourself in the mood. Read relevant magazines,etc.
Relationship is reciprocal, pray about it, you will overcome.
Goodluck.

Best advice

sir mally: He truly doesn't deserve you, if he could be this wicked because of sex how much more when you don't have a job and rely on him, my sister if he is still cheating run while u have the chance before he would give you aids and spoil your future

CAMEROONPRIDE: Her mistake was to refuse to have se.x with her husband.period she failed her duty as q wife.
BTW she could have fake it(the appetite/pleasure) , women are good at it , opening your legs for your husband ain't that difficult.

And I insist her salary and degrees weren't necessary, except if that's the reason she wants to go( I assume) , maybe she feels like she settled for less. What if the dude earned more than her or was very rich? I bet the story would not b on Nl.

BTW it is a known fact that women use their money for themselves and themselves only...

*idriis*:
broS where is ur church located?

PacificGuy: I need honest and constructive advice from my Beloved Nairalanders. I have been married for a little over a year now. In the earlier years of our relationship, it seemed as though we shared similar values (still does sometimes) but must importantly, even though I loved him desperately, I knew he loved me even more. Barely a couple of months into our marriage, I fell pregnant. Though it was a fairly easy pregnancy compared to most other horrible experiences I've come across, I was left with zero sex drive. I'd always be quite fit and beautiful but the pregnancy made me feel permanently ill and unattractive and this affected my desire for sex. Despite this, I kept at it knowing fully well that there was another person with needs and desires to be met. Sex stopped being as frequent as before - but it was there.
Between then and now, my husband has become a serial cheat. Keeping late nights everyday with all sorts of women calling even when he finally gets home by 2am.


He is being mentally and emotionally abusive (never physically because he is too manipulative for that) . The worst part of it is that as a woman you know when your husband is cheating. I see the proofs - phone conversations, captured nude screen shots of other women etc... And he keeps trying to make me feel like I'm crazy and paranoid. It has gotten to the stage where I feel so rubbed and cheated. I cringe when he touches me now and try to force a reaction when we are having sex. I simply can't shake the feeling of hurt and betrayal. And I now feel as though I'm being held prisoner because in my heart I know I deserve better.

I've got 2 degrees from some of the best universities in the Nigeria. I have a job that most people could only dream of. I earn at least 3 times more than what he earns. And in the few months after the birth of my baby, I have returned to a size 6. Yet I still try to be the wife our mothers teach us to be. I know better hence I feel deeply cheated. Try as I may, this feeling has taken over my mind to the point where even the thought of being intimate with him feels like a betrayal to myself and fills me with disgust! At this point, I'm at the end of my ropes and I don't know what to do... Kindly advice... Thank you.

Vikin: Just tell him what you just wrote here, and if he still continues....send him out of your house ....


Aids is real and even if you don't care for yourself, think about your child.

I don talk my own!

adewal15: So the best on your mind for her is divorce?pls stop...

Big BossMan: HELLO POSTER
FIRST AND FOREMOST, LET ME THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR STORY. I JUST LEARNT A VITAL LESSON FROM IT. MY WIFE IS PREGNANT NOW I WAS CONSIDERING GET THE GETTING IT (SEX) FROM "OUTSIDE" SINCE OUR SEX-LIFE IS AT ITS LOWEST EBB NOW. BUT WITH YOUR STORY, I WONT TRY THAT! THANKS
FROM WHAT I COULD DEDUCE, YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND WERE FOND OF EACH OTHER BEFORE AND IN THE EARLY STAGE OF YOUR MARRIAGE. YOU GUYS NEED TO BRING BACK THE GOOD OLD DAYS.
THE FIRST STEP IS COMMUNICATION: DISCUSS THE PROBLEM WITH HIM WITHOUT NAGGING (SORRY IF THAT HURTS)
FOLLOWED BY GENUINE FORGIVENESS: FORGIVE HIM SO THAT YOU CAN FREE YOURSELF FROM THE BITTERNESS INSIDE. REMEMBER LOVE COVERS A MULTITUDE OF WRONG DOINGS.
FINALLY HOLD ON TO YOUR MARRIAGE COS THE GRASS LOOKS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE

NB: THE TALK ABOUT YOUR SUPERIOR JOB AND SALARY SHOULD NOT ARISE! IT WILL ONLY WIDEN THE DIVIDE.
REMAIN BLESSED

sir mally: He truly doesn't deserve you, if he could be this wicked because of sex how much more when you don't have a job and rely on him, my sister if he is still cheating run while u have the chance before he would give you aids and spoil your future

powerblaze: So of all the advice on earth, this is wat your brain could come up with? Mugu

chris51: I honestly sympathise with you & your husband. Your relationship before marriage was just infatuation and fun but this is the reality of marriage. We all go thru this stage. I'll be celebrating my 40th next month.
If you want to enjoy your sexual life, you must have an open mind. Remove suspicion from your mind. It takes two to tango.
Think of those good attributes of his that made you marry him. Count yourself lucky to have been the one he chose to marry out of the girls in his life.
Also thank God for the fruit of the womb. Many girls spend years looking for baby, these days.
Please forget your earnings. Don't let anybody deceive you. Make it a task that you must enjoy your relationship. Put yourself in the mood. Read relevant magazines,etc.
Relationship is reciprocal, pray about it, you will overcome. The best comment so far
Goodluck. The best comment so far

Nashville:

Wrong, all she is trying to say is that I desereve someone better than this guy. What she hasn't told us is her husband's reaction to all of this. Has he been complaining about anything. I am a married man too and I married a woman I loved. If he really loved her as she claimed, he would not behave like that and show no remose unless she has also been doing something he hates.

No excuse for cheating and cheating is intolerable. But I still believe the poster sincerely believes she deserves better than the man she ended up with and he on his part just doesnt care anymore. They need serious prayers. Both seem to have given up!

Nashville:

Wrong, all she is trying to say is that I desereve someone better than this guy. What she hasn't told us is her husband's reaction to all of this. Has he been complaining about anything. I am a married man too and I married a woman I loved. If he really loved her as she claimed, he would not behave like that and show no remose unless she has also been doing something he hates.

No excuse for cheating and cheating is intolerable. But I still believe the poster sincerely believes she deserves better than the man she ended up with and he on his part just doesnt care anymore. They need serious prayers. Both seem to have given up!

*idriis*:
broS where is ur church located?

lorretta u: your first paragraph is just a heap of crap!so u think opening legs for someone to enter is just an easy thing,mtchew.if she's not feeling it at the moment,she didn't commit a crime.afterall she's carrying their baby.u guyz always reason with ur d*cks.no consideration for the other person.even after all her efforts here u still want to turn it around and blame her for the actions of the randy goat of a husband.

slimyem: @bolded..doesn't she? Thankfully,you answered the question yourself.
...and how come you didn't see the husband's reaction.....or is this not a reaction?