http://www.plotsandhouses.com/Blog.aspx

Many years ago a 'wife-seeker' visited me in my house. I followed his enquiring eyes as he evaluated my living room from corner to corner. Eventually, he muttered, 'What is going to happen to the house?' I was taken aback. He meant what would happen to the house when I get married.

In Nigerian culture, the default expectation is that the woman would leave her house and move into the man's rented or owned property when they get married. Any suggestion otherwise might incur disapproval from family and friends. But, what is wrong with an honest, loving man moving into the lady's property if there are logical reasons to do so?

My view is that there are many practical and logical reasons that should make it acceptable. Think about it, moving into the lady's pad might be a better option in terms of space or the cost of rent. Sometimes, the guys may need to park their ego or this assumed norm and allow sound judgement to prevail.

In most cases a bachelor's pad is ill-equipped to cater for the needs of a married couple and the possible imminent arrival of a child. If the man is sharing with family or friends, he may not be able to eject them in order to turn the accommodation into a love nest. He would then have to search for a property he can afford (using www.plotsandhouses.com of course!). If for any reason, he is unable to secure accommodation, he might put plans for a family on hold indefinitely, and possibly longer than he desires.

If the man had separate living quarters in the family home, moving in with the in-laws might be a bit ok-ish. But, it's normally not the best in the early years of marriage or even ever. Having to perform life under the critical eyes of in-laws is like subjecting yourself to a nerve wrecking viva voce every single day. If Mr Man is mummy's boy, Mrs Wifey will never be free from regular food and house inspection. Relationships may eventually become eroded by paranoia, distrust and hatred.

There are also financial considerations. The guy may not be able to afford somewhere befitting for his new bride and status. Also, if the lady enjoys the privilege of her house courtesy of her employer, then the man could move in to enjoy that privilege with her, provided the employer allows it. While the couple are in that house they might as well save up enough money to acquire a joint property or piece of land for the future. They needn't borrow.

Saying all that, I'm not ignoring the potential challenges or the reservations people may have. A man would want to feel he is the man, the provider. Very honourable indeed. But, if he doesn’t yet have his own house, for how long would he delay the blessings of companionship? Till he has one?

I also understand that a man might fear the possibility of the woman taunting him about her being the one who provided the roof over her head. Then, there are potentially the nasty in-laws too. Well, he would have to have a rebuttal that clearly sets out a promising future game plan for him to become king of his own castle.

But really, isn’t it more acceptable now in modern times that a man could move in with his new wife when they get married.Should a man be stigmatised if he and his wife find good reason to do so? What do you think?

Karis ‘Tunmbi Kayode is a personal performance coach and corporate communications professional. She writes and speaks on a range of topics notably confidence, communication, leadership and personal development.

Read her blogs at http://www.plotsandhouses.com/Blog.aspx
Follow her on Twitter @workplaceglory and find her at http://uk.linkedin.com/in/kariskayode.

If you have an interesting story you'd like to share then email it to us at info@plotsandhouses.com. For the latest properties for sale or to rent in Nigeria, visit www.plotsandhouses.com. You can keep in touch by following us on twitter @plotsandhouses, facebook.com/plotsandhouses & pinterest.com/plotsandhouses.

Stupidity test should be a must before marriage.

A house is a house is a house.

Nothing is wrong, biliv me!
The only problem is in ur head! Ur mindset!

its not an issue of ego. will the lady surrender the house? there can only be one head and he has to be in charge of the house. now the million dollar question... as the lady that suffered on your own right to get the house will you leave total charge to him?

Z8: its not an issue of ego. will the lady surrender the house? there can only be one head and he has to be in charge of the house. now the million dollar question... as the lady that suffered on your own right to get the house will you leave total charge to him?

thats a real big question and its a very difficult thing thing to do knowing the kind of men we have outside this days,you know they are very egoistical.when there is disagreement the question is it because i am living in your house will still arise except the man is a humble and God fearing person

nothing is wrong but everytime you have a fight, she would tell you to pack your bags and get out
you know how you guys always tell your women to pack up and go to her father's house?

Nothing wrong in fact but plenty wrong in reality. Truth is every woman owns the matrimonial home be it provided by the husband or herself. A lot of us say my kitchen, my room, my house , my-name-it and the guy, who in fact owns it, doesn't mind. However, in the heat of an argument these my(s) take on a new meaning. He takes offence if indeed the property is the woman's.

I am only for the man-move-in where the move is into a property owned by the woman's employer. This is because the property is owned by neither of them, so no over settling in. They both must work on getting theirs in the nearest future.

Conclusively, I prefer to have my hubby provide me with accommodate no matter the comfort level than the other way round. I could augment his though cos I say the my(s) a lot. I no want wahala!

Ego.........Men
Bad mouth.......Women

The man will try to avoid a woman's bad mouth where his ego is supposed to be active.

Moving into your wife's house is demeaning to a man, it's like cutting away your pen*s. it's not an African culture.

....I dread the day those MY-centric arguments start.
No, I would rather if the house were in BOTH our names first if not mine....as it should be anyway.

Women just don't know when to hold their lip.

enough reason for the woman and gossipers to yab the guy....imagine having a little argument with wifey and he goes " i am the man of the house so ......" and she goes "which house, the one i provided for you?".....not good at all

Except a rare few cases, most women who say they are okay with it are simply just creating ammunition for themselves to use when she and the man fight. Because she KNOW's she'll be running that lip about it when the situation arises.

Be kyaful

2buff: ....I dread the day those MY-centric arguments start.
No, I would rather if the house were in BOTH our names first if not mine....as it should be anyway.

Women just don't know when to hold their lip.

You contradicted yourself...you said it should be in both names and flipped around to your name....what differwnce does it make when you both share community property?

Nigerian men= Large Egos!

Mrs..Chima:


You contradicted yourself...you said it should be in both names and flipped around to your name....what differwnce does it make when you both share community property?

Yes Mine or both. No contradiction at all. Problem?

Exponental: Ego.........Men
Bad mouth.......Women

The man will try to avoid a woman's bad mouth where his ego is supposed to be active.

I like of summary of the major issues. While there is absolutely nothing wrong in the idea, but in the Nigerian society there may be problems. It can work for some people and it may not work for some, so each case has to be dealt with separately. For the guy, he needs to be sure his wife is not the type that has a bad mouth. Second is the issue of family and friends. It may be ok initially but if it continues for long the wife's friends and family will start telling the wife that her husband is lazy and is taking advantage of her. We have read such stories before.

The man is the head of the home and ideally should provide accommodation. If his wife already has good accommodation then he should carefully consider his personal ego, his wife's mouth and the kind of family and friends the wife has.

A better alternative if the wife owns her home is to rent out the home while the man secures accommodation for the family elsewhere.

Thanks everyone for reading my article and your interesting comments.

As Nashville said each case must be considered on a case by case basis. I've seen it work both ways.

The sort of woman who would taunt her hubby about living in her house is the same sort that will taunt him about anything - his out of vogue car; his fading tupee; his inability to fund her insatiable greed for worldly possessions to enable her to compete with Mrs Lagbaja who she feels is better looked after by her hubby; etc.

If Mrs Wifey does Mr hubby good during the season that he can't provide a house, and he doesn't forget her goodwill, she will receive massive dividends when things are working well for him.

Best wishes,

Karis

2buff:

Yes Mine or both. No contradiction at all. Problem?

Keep it up.....

It is very wrong, pls guys don't try dat, women can be funny. As a man u must maintain ur superiority over a woman if not she will use it to abuse u.