@pslm23, am sorry if I have different view from yours and also being so blunt. I don't mean to haunt you with the past pls, just that I am from the school of 'long term effect'.

I don't go posting like that on nl, I just got interested cos of the same issue I have being mentioning. So if you feel I have offended you in any way, don't take it like that, just see it as a word coming from someone with a different opinion from yours or from some pips here.

Hope you are ok now?

caropy: @pslm23, am sorry if I have different view from yours and also being so blunt. I don't mean to haunt you with the past pls, just that I am from the school of 'long term effect'.

I don't go posting like that on nl, I just got interested cos of the same issue I have being mentioning. So if you feel I have offended you in any way, don't take it like that, just see it as a word coming from someone with a different opinion from yours or from some pips here.

Hope you are ok now?

Thank you caropy. I understand where you are coming from and I appreciate what you just did. Good night all.

(((((Hugs))))

@op this topic or shud I say story stinks of sentiments...why are you being defensive ? Aint you ment to evaluate without sentiments or bias? Oooh pls ...you asked for advice yet so quick to defend , pls NLers shud speak the truth weda it goes inline with your thoughts or not doesn't make it less of the truth or opinion.
Your cousin should be prepared for WAR because this is just the begining, physically, spiritually and emotionally its nt gonna be rosy mba ooh , this is just a short scene from the mother hen (ex) and there is miscariage already ... The kids are yet to strt deirs , hmmm I ws raised in a polygamous home ...trust me I have been there .... I don't wish your cousin dt cos dt lane ? Naaaaaa

pslm23: .
... My crime here was that i listened to men of God, listened to family, listened to friends and remained in an abusive volatile situation and caused mental harm to my children who witnessed the violence. The last born is a girl and one day when she and her brothers were playing and goofing around, the boy picked up a knife and was chasing his sister saying "come let me chook you" they thought it was all fun and games but I was beyond upset when I was told. I blame myself for this and that was why i put them in boarding school, to remove them from all that and have some kind of discipline instilled in them. My ex has made it clear that they are all coming to live with me because she wants to be able to find a husband and she can't do it with 4 children by her side

Please quit it with the sob stories already, we have heard everyone else is to be blamed except you, heck even your 16 years old child wasn't spared in this blamegame because he committed the crime of the century by telling his Mother that his Dad was married


Now moving on swiftly, why haven't you dived in headfirst to rescue the children God gifted you from the clutch of this woman you have painted worse than the worst demon out there What are you waiting for I have read about 5 separate posts of how much you love them, besides they have all been dumped in boarding school, meaning that you would only be having them for the school hols, so whats the delay


You are the only child, you got s lady pregnant out of wedlock, she was caught cheating on you when your baby was 7 months old, this in your family is a taboo and since then your family have hated her and some of them have vehemently refused to support you marrying her! Have you ever considered whether tnis this taboo backfiring hence reason you both have been having trouble since or ould their be something diabolical behind this!!! And what do you do, you keep getting drunk and sleepwalking to her house thereby introducing 3 further innocent baby into the already heated, dangerous territory

Wow, I can't believe what these ladies are posting. I'm a woman but I feel for this man. Yes he made many mistakes, does it mean he shouldn't be happy anymore? O ga o. Most of you are saying the man chop for 17 yrs he wan leave. What kind of woman and family will let her have 4 kids for a man without marriage? This should be a lesson to our women, you have 10 kids and no ring on finger, u are dispensable easily.

oga, you have a crazy ex, you and your wife should run and be prayerful.

chlowi: @op this topic or shud I say story stinks of sentiments...why are you being defensive ? Aint you ment to evaluate without sentiments or bias? Oooh pls ...you asked for advice yet so quick to defend , pls NLers shud speak the truth weda it goes inline with your thoughts or not doesn't make it less of the truth or opinion.
Your cousin should be prepared for WAR because this is just the begining, physically, spiritually and emotionally its nt gonna be rosy mba ooh , this is just a short scene from the mother hen (ex) and there is miscariage already ... The kids are yet to strt deirs , hmmm I ws raised in a polygamous home ...trust me I have been there .... I don't wish your cousin dt cos dt lane ? Naaaaaa

Which polygamous home? Is the man married to two women or we are reading different posts. The ex has as much power as he gives her.

pslm23: .


Last night she asked me what she should do. She is seriously contemplating going back to Austria but I told her not to do that yet. She needs to stay and not let any crazy woman run her out of her home. [size=14pt]Her greatest fear now is the son who is living with them. Funny thing though is that she was the one pushing for him to come and live with them but now she thinks and believes he is a spy for his mother. He disrespects her at every given opportunity and sucks his teeth at her and raises his voice at her.[/size] [size=24pt]Sometimes she just wants to knock him out[/size].

What would you all advice. Please I implore you all, do not insult any of the parties involved, it is just advice she needs. She will log in with my password to read all your comments and might even respond to any questions you ask. By the way, she's igbo and he's Edo and they really really truly love each other. He tells people he finally has the peace he has been looking for for many years

pslm23: thank you all for you points and concerns. the parties involved (my cousin and her husband) will definitely read your comments and handle this issue however they best want to. all we can do is give our tots and advice. As for me, i will support her cos she has done no wrong except fall in love and even that is not a crime!

[size=18pt]Regarding the teenage boy, it is nice to know that this is only a phase and kids his age rebel and act out. It deosn't change the fact that she thinks he is a spy for his mom.[/size]

by Nigerian/African standard from what i'm gathering, even if this man was previously married for 17 years and divorced with 7 kids, it automatically makes him ineligible for any future marriages or happiness. Wow! Nice to know.

God bless you all and thank you once more!

Hmmmm, my only advice is these kids have been through a lot in their short existence on earth and already from the tone of the posts, it seems the 16 year old spy is heading for Camp Gulag as punishment hence reason Dad is still in limbo as per snatching them off the Mum begging to offload them like pure water

All I know be say if the woman talk her own the yam pepper go scatter

Remember whyme222

Ish

biolabee: All I know be say if the woman talk her own the yam pepper go scatter

Remember whyme222

Ish

Dey said she can't use computer if am right and can she b told about ds forum/ wot is going on asper her issue?
If poster culd invite d man, she can as well invite d woman just 4 d sake of peace & resolution of ds matter!
No matter how crazy she's , she wil hav a moment wn she wil b in her right sense!

Another example to show that this section is not exactly for the faint-hearted
Someone comes to narrate how tumultous his previous marriage relationship was and wants another shot at happiness, best some people here can do is tear him apart. Walahi, you people fit make pesin contemplate suicide for here. I'm sure he must have had his faults he ommited from his posts, that doesn't mean he didn't endure (some of) the abuse he mentioned. Any woman ready to move on with him must be ready to be a FIGHTER, both physically and spiritually. I would have advised them to start afresh far away from the troublesome woman, but that won't be entirely feasible as he may not get a good job and it won't be fair on the kids as well. If the wife is not ready to fight, its best she backs out cos she'll get badly burnt.

Lest I forget, welcome back Pslm 23. I bet you've been good.

I don't think anyone is telling him to "endure". He's free to do whatever he wants to do. If the ex comes in now to tell her own version, this set of people will switch stories to say "awwwwww, your husband is a cünt". Where is the intelligence here, people?!

...... and why is almost everyone ignoring the genesis of the story and focusing on the doom part?

- the chic got pregnant, asked him for some money for the abortion but he declined.

- he asked her to marry him and she said "hell no, ain't nobody wanna be stuck with you for the rest of their life"

- she asked for abortion money again. Please Biko after the reply he got from the marriage proposal , no be to give her the money sharp sharp ?! (The ones going into marriage together, peacefully, are having a hard time taking control of the wheel, talk less of a union at gun point.)

-but mba, he cranked up the heat and threatened her to keep the baby. He didn't stop there, he reported her to family members and of course she was forced to keep the baby.

It's simple physics. One DELIBRATE action causes a chain reaction!

It's simple Yoruba. O'un ojú n wá l'ojú n rí.

Heck, it's simple Christianity. Don't invite the dëvil in!

Trouble dey sleep yanga go wake am.

Mr Victim; hello trouble, please marry me and have my baby.

Trouble; nah, I'll pass. I'm not sure i want I be stuck with you.

Mr Victim; *brings out a pocket knife* if you don't come with me now and have my baby, you're dead.

Trouble; ok, then.

So, the man begged, cajoled, made this woman inspite all odds to stay with her some 17 years ago? Today the woman is now begging,fighting to have this man.
See gobe sha
Was the last child a product of the "one night drunken forced kpekus" or he went back for more?
I see a pattern here : he gets another woman preggars to escape his first mess.
You rushed to wed the OP's cousin cos u didn't want another man to steal her from u? Interesting.

Your ex cannot operate a computer? A graduate? Mu che che.
Gobe story.

^^^^^^LMAO hapu'm aka

Moving on, I have gone through both OP and the man's epistle and not once, did I see any mention of a single positive trait of this ex. Na so people dey bad reach?
She's jobless
She's a cheat
She r.Apes her husband
She's a gossip
She's a nut case.

Na real wao for internet tori. So in essence, this woman is a devil?
Itsokay.

Jenny no be laff mata. The woman sabi flash , send sms , claim she don marry Oshimole but she no sabi open computer?

ifyalways: So, the man begged, cajoled, made this woman inspite all odds to stay with her some 17 years ago? Today the woman is now begging,fighting to have this man.
See gobe sha
Was the last child a product of the "one night drunken forced kpekus" or he went back for more?
I see a pattern here : he gets another woman preggars to escape his first mess.
You rushed to wed the OP's cousin cos u didn't want another man to steal her from u? Interesting.

Your ex cannot operate a computer? A graduate? Mu che che.
Gobe story.

My dear wetin we no go see or hear from NL
If d poster really want peace 4her coz, she can walk up to ds ex.
Have a woman to woman talk with her. Dnt be biased cos ur coz is involved. See her as ur sister or coz.
Hear her own side of the story and dont dwell on wot d man, his family and her family members r saying.
This is the only way d ur coz will find out d truth.
U may even be surprised that there is more to ds man's story from wort ds woman will tell you.
I like ds game of game. As for me, i can always find a way of meeting d woman to resolve ds issue.

Sisi_Kill: Awwwww!! It is sooooo nice to see women standing up for one another, it almost wants to make me cry....Oh eff this, I am crying right here. This is soooooo nice to see this all for one moves...too bad it's for the wrong reasons.

As I stated earlier, personally I woulda jetted outta there before you can say Here comes the Bride...because I have very little patience for marriage drama, especially when it is not my own making, life is too short to be walking on eggshells. I don't believe suffering in marriage will make it sweeter or better or whatever and this is the reason I will be outta there so fast, y'all won't see my tail light. Yes, in this case...it will be all about ME! ME! ME!!!

If however I am supposed to put someone else's feelings in the equation, trust me the last person it will be is the WOMAN...I don't care if she has 100 babies for him and she's been there for 1000 years. My fellow women are taking up are cause solely on the fact that he didn't marry her after 17 years and 4 children, ladies...ladies...ladies please do you really think if she wanted to marry him, they won't be at the alter before he knew what hit him? In this our Nigeria? The same country young men are opening thread frightened out of their skulls because people are pressuring them to marry their baby mama? Come now!!!

I know I'll be caned for it but let's be honest...we all know when it comes to marriage after pregnancy, the woman almost always holds the cards. Very few men can withstand the pressure mounted on them from every angle by putting their foot down and saying NO, I AIN'T GETTING MARRIED. More often than not, as long as the woman shows interest in getting married....the man has little or no choice.

As much as I love the collective Rah! Rah! Rah! we are women hear us roar happening on this thread, In my opinion...it is wasted because the woman is NOT a victim. Hell no!

Thank you Sisi, your head dey there. You think like a man.

Now, to the OP, if u kept repeating the "mistake" of staying in an abusive relationship because of your children, right from the first child,and it took you 30 years to realize it, calling it off would still be the best move. Your families reaction is simply reasonable, leaving you to your fate. Now you have taken your fate with both hands. God bless you as you proceed. If you want to stay in Nigeria and have your peace, get a restraining order on the premise of threat to life, get a licensed gun and wait for her to show up again.

Some women in this forum are just simply bitter and are so stuck in the past. WTF.

@ BABE!: there is no need to look @ the past. he realized his mistakes. THEY HAVE SEPARATED. HE is moving on with his life. Y is she causing wahala again? Haba, live and let live.

ifyalways: Moving on, I have gone through both OP and the man's epistle and not once, did I see any mention of a single positive trait of this ex. Na so people dey bad reach?
She's jobless
She's a cheat
She r.Apes her husband
She's a gossip
She's a nut case.

Na real wao for internet tori. So in essence, this woman is a devil?
Itsokay.

Do you expect a person to post his/her partner's good characteristics as justification for leaving or the bad ones?

This focus is misplaced IMO. The OP was not asking for help with staying with the ex, the question was what ways can be used to keep the ex from disrupting this new union.

Whether she has good characteristics or not is quite irrelevant - the only reason the OP even indulged y'all is due to the overly judgmental attitude of many posters here who were more interested to know why he left the previous woman (in order to condemn him for doing so) rather than acknowledge the simple fact that he is entitled to do so.

Working prick

blaise26.abj:


@ BABE!: there is no need to look @ the past. he realized his mistakes. THEY HAVE SEPARATED. HE is moving on with his life. Y is she causing wahala again? Haba, live and let live.

You dey ok so? 'there's no need to look and the past' and he came here to table a doom story from the past? I'm only analyzing.

The man came here whining and playing the total victim, saying he blames his family and pastors, whereas he was the one that FORCED the girl to have his first baby and be with him. How reasonable is that?

No wonder he got stuck with a tout for a good part of his life.

@Debo,I don't expect anything from anyone but the man decided to give us a detailed run down of why he's leaving her and surprising, it seems the woman is useless on ALL fronts. He says he's left her because she, simply put is a devil.
I find it absolutely strange that a woman can be that bad.

Ofcourse, he is entitled to waltz out just as the woman is entitled to saying "no I want you back", see ? Is he lying about the woman and why? No, you can't cook up lies in order to justify your plans to dump a woman that stayed with u for 17 years just because you sniffed a fresh kpekus.

BABE!:


You dey ok so? 'there's no need to look and the past' and he came here to table a doom story from the past? I'm only analyzing.

The man came here whining and playing the total victim, saying he blames his family and pastors, whereas he was the one that FORCED the girl to have his first baby and be with him. How reasonable is that?

No wonder he got stuck with a tout for a good part of his life.

He didn't come here with the story, his in-law brought it to nairaland and told him abt it. So it is natural to talk about the past so people wld know what happened.

He made a mistake. He said that pastors and friends prevented him from leaving when he wanted to correct the mistake. His family wanted him to leave.

The issue is he has separated from her, y won't she let him be? It is a very simple question. She doesn't want marriage. ok. he has decided not to marry her. Now she is causing wahala.

ifyalways: @Debo,I don't expect anything from anyone but the man decided to give us a detailed run down of why he's leaving her and surprising, it seems the woman is useless on ALL fronts. He says he's left her because she, simply put is a devil.
I find it absolutely strange that a woman can be that bad.

Like I said, you won't get a detailed description of her good parts here - he didn’t leave her because of those, rather he did because of the bad parts as he sees them. As for it being strange, nothing surprises me anymore. I’m certain she has her good parts (some of which he mentioned - giving gifts to his family and being on good terms with a number of them) but that really isn’t the point.

Ofcourse, he is entitled to waltz out just as the woman is entitled to saying "no I want you back", see ?

No she isn’t - she cannot force him to remain in a relationship with her, especially since 1. Theirs was never formalised and 2. They had agreed an amicable break up. She only appears to be vindictively seeking to stop the man from moving on. That is unacceptable.

Is he lying about the woman and why? No, you can't cook up lies in order to justify your plans to dump a woman that stayed with u for 17 years just because you sniffed a fresh kpekus.

Again you miss the point - even if he is lying about her, there is no mandatory requirement for him to stay with her, even if they have been together for 50 years.

That’s what some of y’all don’t seem to understand - you seem to think that simply because he’s been with her for 17 years and has kids with her he can’t get involved with another woman if he so chooses. It doesn’t.

ifyalways: @Debo,I don't expect anything from anyone but the man decided to give us a detailed run down of why he's leaving her and surprising, it seems the woman is useless on ALL fronts. He says he's left her because she, simply put is a devil.
I find it absolutely strange that a woman can be that bad.

Ofcourse, he is entitled to waltz out just as the woman is entitled to saying "no I want you back", see ? Is he lying about the woman and why? No, you can't cook up lies in order to justify your plans to dump a woman that stayed with u for 17 years just because you sniffed a fresh kpekus.

Ify i am surprised at the things you are writing. But hey, it's your opinion. your statement "cooking up lies to justify dumping a woman he stayed with for 17 years just proves to me that you are not following this thread closely but picking bits of it to buttress whatever point you are trying to make. First of, there are no PLANS TO DUMP anybody. they have split up. they split up long before he married my cousin. he moved out of the house.

I see people saying it's his fault. She wanted an abortion and he refused. She refused his marriage proposal etc. They both made the conscious decision to lay together without protection and it resulted in a pregnancy. he tried to do the right thing by asking to marry her cos apparently they had both declared love for each other etc. she refused and wanted an abortion, he is against abortion. He pleaded with her and got his mom and others to intervene to beg her to keep his child and she relented. How does this make him a monster?

Out of the 4 pregnancies, only 2 was what she wanted aborted. Why don't you all ask why she is abortion hungry when she keeps having unprotected intercourse? If you don't want to get burnt you don't play with fire.

Yes Ify, in this day and age there are people, graduates that can't operate a computer. Go to computer schools and see them learning how to. My step brother at 33 doesn't even know where the on button is on a laptop and he is a graduate!

Oh please..... Not everyone has to agree with you. If you wanted to hear only what you want to hear you should have kept the story to yourself and not bring it here. Some people choose not to believe the man and his very dumb reasons so deal with it already. Pfffttt

pslm23: I see people saying it's his fault. She wanted an abortion and he refused. She refused his marriage proposal etc. They both made the conscious decision to lay together without protection and it resulted in a pregnancy. he tried to do the right thing by asking to marry her cos apparently they had both declared love for each other etc. she refused and wanted an abortion, he is against abortion. He pleaded with her and got his mom and others to intervene to beg her to keep his child and she relented. How does this make him a monster?

Out of the 4 pregnancies, only 2 was what she wanted aborted. Why don't you all ask why she is abortion hungry when she keeps having unprotected intercourse? If you don't want to get burnt you don't play with fire.

Yes Ify, in this day and age there are people, graduates that can't operate a computer. Go to computer schools and see them learning how to. My step brother at 33 doesn't even know where the on button is on a laptop and he is a graduate!

I completely agree that the ex is a crazy lunatic . . . possiblly possessed and suffering from severe family problems.

But you act like your cousin's husband is completely without blame. Even if the lady had the child for him (because he was against abortion), still not enough reason for him to stay with her. He loved blindly and f00lishly and is reaping the consequences now. If he wasn't so selfish, he would have thought of the children her was bringing into this world and not only about his own blinded infatuation. It's sad that innocent children are caught in the middle . . .

Meanwhile this is the part that confuses me . . . if the woman is as promiscuous as he claims, how sure is he that the four kids are his Especially the last one which he claimed was as a result of a rap-e

How come he's accepting the kids without question knowing fully well he's not the only one 'going in there'

..........and when y'all are done painting her black and red, bring her here and let her tell us her own story with you typing on her behalf since she is a computer illiterate.

I never believed in "the other side of a story" but it is so not nice that three of you tag one woman "crazy". What a load of utter crap

I need you to explain what you mean by "split up, separated" ?

According to the mans story, he got another girl pregnant, moved in with her, the woman tricked her home, they fought,he MOVED out, met your cousin and wedded her. Is that what y'all label they've separated amicably?
I dey laugh oh.
He left the woman and she simply sat doing her thing and watching him.

The man should please go do the right thing and stop acting innocent/victim. I agree he didn't pay the dowry but "moving out" is not yhe proper way to separate from a woman that bore u 4 kids. There has to be a sit down discussion, talks and agreement, shikena.

jennykadry: Oh please..... Not everyone has to agree with you. If you wanted to hear only what you want to hear you should have kept the story to yourself and not bring it here. Some people choose not to believe the man and his very dumb reasons so deal with it already. Pfffttt

I never said i wanted anybody to agree with me. Let's get that fact straight.

pslm23:

I never said i wanted anybody to agree with me. Let's get that fact straight.

Good, then stop making it look like those who blame your brother inlaw for the mess he put himself in, are silly and know not what they are talking about.

He is not a victim, YES I SAID IT. If I didn't know your handle on this forum, I would have long concluded that this story is a joke and so not real.

Your cousin made a mistake to get together with a man with such a dirty past. Desperation on her part I must say. She is 38 so yea....

Ujujoan:

I completely agree that the ex is a crazy lunatic . . . possiblly possessed and suffering from severe family problems.

But you act like your cousin's husband is completely without blame. Even if the lady had the child for him (because he was against abortion), still not enough reason for him to stay with her. He loved blindly and f00lishly and is reaping the consequences now. If he wasn't so selfish, he would have thought of the children her was bringing into this world and not only about his own blinded infatuation. It's sad that innocent children are caught in the middle . . .

Meanwhile this is the part that confuses me . . . if the woman is as promiscuous as he claims, how sure is he that the four kids are his Especially the last one which he claimed was as a result of a rap-e

How come he's accepting the kids without question knowing fully well he's not the only one 'going in there'

The paternity of the kids is something I am not touching or going into. None of my bizwax. I said in an earlier post that the guy f'd up big time too. he is not blameless. I have never said he was all free from blame. All i was trying to do was stop y'all from disparaging my cousin and saying things that were not true about her.
The ex and my in law are both to blame for the mess on hand and it is quite obvious