Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / NewStats: 3,195,489 members, 7,958,490 topics. Date: Wednesday, 25 September 2024 at 03:37 PM |
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed (11411 Views)
I Am In A Dilemma / I Need Candid And Honest Opinion / Call For An Open And Honest Online Friend. (2) (3) (4)
(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (Reply) (Go Down)
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by Nobody: 10:31pm On May 21, 2013 |
@pslm23, am sorry if I have different view from yours and also being so blunt. I don't mean to haunt you with the past pls, just that I am from the school of 'long term effect'. I don't go posting like that on nl, I just got interested cos of the same issue I have being mentioning. So if you feel I have offended you in any way, don't take it like that, just see it as a word coming from someone with a different opinion from yours or from some pips here. Hope you are ok now? 1 Like |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by pslm23(f): 10:37pm On May 21, 2013 |
caropy: @pslm23, am sorry if I have different view from yours and also being so blunt. I don't mean to haunt you with the past pls, just that I am from the school of 'long term effect'. Thank you caropy. I understand where you are coming from and I appreciate what you just did. Good night all. 1 Like |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by Nobody: 10:47pm On May 21, 2013 |
(((((Hugs)))) |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by chlowi(f): 1:54am On May 22, 2013 |
@op this topic or shud I say story stinks of sentiments...why are you being defensive ? Aint you ment to evaluate without sentiments or bias? Oooh pls ...you asked for advice yet so quick to defend , pls NLers shud speak the truth weda it goes inline with your thoughts or not doesn't make it less of the truth or opinion. Your cousin should be prepared for WAR because this is just the begining, physically, spiritually and emotionally its nt gonna be rosy mba ooh , this is just a short scene from the mother hen (ex) and there is miscariage already ... The kids are yet to strt deirs , hmmm I ws raised in a polygamous home ...trust me I have been there .... I don't wish your cousin dt cos dt lane ? Naaaaaa 1 Like |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by Busybody2(f): 2:25am On May 22, 2013 |
pslm23: . Please quit it with the sob stories already, we have heard everyone else is to be blamed except you, heck even your 16 years old child wasn't spared in this blamegame because he committed the crime of the century by telling his Mother that his Dad was married Now moving on swiftly, why haven't you dived in headfirst to rescue the children God gifted you from the clutch of this woman you have painted worse than the worst demon out there What are you waiting for I have read about 5 separate posts of how much you love them, besides they have all been dumped in boarding school, meaning that you would only be having them for the school hols, so whats the delay You are the only child, you got s lady pregnant out of wedlock, she was caught cheating on you when your baby was 7 months old, this in your family is a taboo and since then your family have hated her and some of them have vehemently refused to support you marrying her! Have you ever considered whether tnis this taboo backfiring hence reason you both have been having trouble since or ould their be something diabolical behind this!!! And what do you do, you keep getting drunk and sleepwalking to her house thereby introducing 3 further innocent baby into the already heated, dangerous territory 1 Like |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by Nobody: 3:28am On May 22, 2013 |
Wow, I can't believe what these ladies are posting. I'm a woman but I feel for this man. Yes he made many mistakes, does it mean he shouldn't be happy anymore? O ga o. Most of you are saying the man chop for 17 yrs he wan leave. What kind of woman and family will let her have 4 kids for a man without marriage? This should be a lesson to our women, you have 10 kids and no ring on finger, u are dispensable easily. oga, you have a crazy ex, you and your wife should run and be prayerful. 3 Likes |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by baby124: 3:33am On May 22, 2013 |
chlowi: @op this topic or shud I say story stinks of sentiments...why are you being defensive ? Aint you ment to evaluate without sentiments or bias? Oooh pls ...you asked for advice yet so quick to defend , pls NLers shud speak the truth weda it goes inline with your thoughts or not doesn't make it less of the truth or opinion. Which polygamous home? Is the man married to two women or we are reading different posts. The ex has as much power as he gives her. |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by Busybody2(f): 4:45am On May 22, 2013 |
pslm23: . pslm23: thank you all for you points and concerns. the parties involved (my cousin and her husband) will definitely read your comments and handle this issue however they best want to. all we can do is give our tots and advice. As for me, i will support her cos she has done no wrong except fall in love and even that is not a crime! Hmmmm, my only advice is these kids have been through a lot in their short existence on earth and already from the tone of the posts, it seems the 16 year old spy is heading for Camp Gulag as punishment hence reason Dad is still in limbo as per snatching them off the Mum begging to offload them like pure water |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by biolabee(m): 5:07am On May 22, 2013 |
All I know be say if the woman talk her own the yam pepper go scatter Remember whyme222 Ish 1 Like |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by Nobody: 7:48am On May 22, 2013 |
biolabee: All I know be say if the woman talk her own the yam pepper go scatterDey said she can't use computer if am right and can she b told about ds forum/ wot is going on asper her issue? If poster culd invite d man, she can as well invite d woman just 4 d sake of peace & resolution of ds matter! No matter how crazy she's , she wil hav a moment wn she wil b in her right sense! 1 Like |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by dominique(f): 9:02am On May 22, 2013 |
Another example to show that this section is not exactly for the faint-hearted Someone comes to narrate how tumultous his previous Lest I forget, welcome back Pslm 23. I bet you've been good. |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by BABE3: 9:44am On May 22, 2013 |
I don't think anyone is telling him to "endure". He's free to do whatever he wants to do. If the ex comes in now to tell her own version, this set of people will switch stories to say "awwwwww, your husband is a cünt". Where is the intelligence here, people?! ...... and why is almost everyone ignoring the genesis of the story and focusing on the doom part? - the chic got pregnant, asked him for some money for the abortion but he declined. - he asked her to marry him and she said "hell no, ain't nobody wanna be stuck with you for the rest of their life" - she asked for abortion money again. Please Biko after the reply he got from the marriage proposal , no be to give her the money sharp sharp ?! (The ones going into marriage together, peacefully, are having a hard time taking control of the wheel, talk less of a union at gun point.) -but mba, he cranked up the heat and threatened her to keep the baby. He didn't stop there, he reported her to family members and of course she was forced to keep the baby. It's simple physics. One DELIBRATE action causes a chain reaction! It's simple Yoruba. O'un ojú n wá l'ojú n rí. Heck, it's simple Christianity. Don't invite the dëvil in! Trouble dey sleep yanga go wake am. Mr Victim; hello trouble, please marry me and have my baby. Trouble; nah, I'll pass. I'm not sure i want I be stuck with you. Mr Victim; *brings out a pocket knife* if you don't come with me now and have my baby, you're dead. Trouble; ok, then. 3 Likes |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by ifyalways(f): 10:05am On May 22, 2013 |
So, the man begged, cajoled, made this woman inspite all odds to stay with her some 17 years ago? Today the woman is now begging,fighting to have this man. See gobe sha Was the last child a product of the "one night drunken forced kpekus" or he went back for more? I see a pattern here : he gets another woman preggars to escape his first mess. You rushed to wed the OP's cousin cos u didn't want another man to steal her from u? Interesting. Your ex cannot operate a computer? A graduate? Mu che che. Gobe story. 1 Like |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by Nobody: 10:14am On May 22, 2013 |
^^^^^^LMAO hapu'm aka |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by ifyalways(f): 10:14am On May 22, 2013 |
Moving on, I have gone through both OP and the man's epistle and not once, did I see any mention of a single positive trait of this ex. Na so people dey bad reach? She's jobless She's a cheat She r.Apes her husband She's a gossip She's a nut case. Na real wao for internet tori. So in essence, this woman is a devil? Itsokay. Jenny no be laff mata. The woman sabi flash , send sms , claim she don marry Oshimole but she no sabi open computer? 2 Likes |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by Nobody: 10:16am On May 22, 2013 |
ifyalways: So, the man begged, cajoled, made this woman inspite all odds to stay with her some 17 years ago? Today the woman is now begging,fighting to have this man.My dear wetin we no go see or hear from NL If d poster really want peace 4her coz, she can walk up to ds ex. Have a woman to woman talk with her. Dnt be biased cos ur coz is involved. See her as ur sister or coz. Hear her own side of the story and dont dwell on wot d man, his family and her family members r saying. This is the only way d ur coz will find out d truth. U may even be surprised that there is more to ds man's story from wort ds woman will tell you. I like ds game of game. As for me, i can always find a way of meeting d woman to resolve ds issue. 1 Like |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by blaise26abj(m): 10:17am On May 22, 2013 |
Sisi_Kill: Awwwww!! It is sooooo nice to see women standing up for one another, it almost wants to make me cry....Oh eff this, I am crying right here. This is soooooo nice to see this all for one moves...too bad it's for the wrong reasons. Thank you Sisi, your head dey there. You think like a man. Now, to the OP, if u kept repeating the "mistake" of staying in an abusive relationship because of your children, right from the first child,and it took you 30 years to realize it, calling it off would still be the best move. Your families reaction is simply reasonable, leaving you to your fate. Now you have taken your fate with both hands. God bless you as you proceed. If you want to stay in Nigeria and have your peace, get a restraining order on the premise of threat to life, get a licensed gun and wait for her to show up again. Some women in this forum are just simply bitter and are so stuck in the past. WTF. @ BABE!: there is no need to look @ the past. he realized his mistakes. THEY HAVE SEPARATED. HE is moving on with his life. Y is she causing wahala again? Haba, live and let live. |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by debosky(m): 10:31am On May 22, 2013 |
ifyalways: Moving on, I have gone through both OP and the man's epistle and not once, did I see any mention of a single positive trait of this ex. Na so people dey bad reach? Do you expect a person to post his/her partner's good characteristics as justification for leaving or the bad ones? This focus is misplaced IMO. The OP was not asking for help with staying with the ex, the question was what ways can be used to keep the ex from disrupting this new union. Whether she has good characteristics or not is quite irrelevant - the only reason the OP even indulged y'all is due to the overly judgmental attitude of many posters here who were more interested to know why he left the previous woman (in order to condemn him for doing so) rather than acknowledge the simple fact that he is entitled to do so. |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by nwauwa(m): 10:31am On May 22, 2013 |
Working prick 3 Likes |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by BABE3: 10:37am On May 22, 2013 |
blaise26.abj: You dey ok so? 'there's no need to look and the past' and he came here to table a doom story from the past? I'm only analyzing. The man came here whining and playing the total victim, saying he blames his family and pastors, whereas he was the one that FORCED the girl to have his first baby and be with him. How reasonable is that? No wonder he got stuck with a tout for a good part of his life. |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by ifyalways(f): 10:45am On May 22, 2013 |
@Debo,I don't expect anything from anyone but the man decided to give us a detailed run down of why he's leaving her and surprising, it seems the woman is useless on ALL fronts. He says he's left her because she, simply put is a devil. I find it absolutely strange that a woman can be that bad. Ofcourse, he is entitled to waltz out just as the woman is entitled to saying "no I want you back", see ? Is he lying about the woman and why? No, you can't cook up lies in order to justify your plans to dump a woman that stayed with u for 17 years just because you sniffed a fresh kpekus. 3 Likes |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by blaise26abj(m): 11:15am On May 22, 2013 |
BABE!: He didn't come here with the story, his in-law brought it to nairaland and told him abt it. So it is natural to talk about the past so people wld know what happened. He made a mistake. He said that pastors and friends prevented him from leaving when he wanted to correct the mistake. His family wanted him to leave. The issue is he has separated from her, y won't she let him be? It is a very simple question. She doesn't want marriage. ok. he has decided not to marry her. Now she is causing wahala.
|
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by debosky(m): 11:24am On May 22, 2013 |
ifyalways: @Debo,I don't expect anything from anyone but the man decided to give us a detailed run down of why he's leaving her and surprising, it seems the woman is useless on ALL fronts. He says he's left her because she, simply put is a devil. Like I said, you won't get a detailed description of her good parts here - he didn’t leave her because of those, rather he did because of the bad parts as he sees them. As for it being strange, nothing surprises me anymore. I’m certain she has her good parts (some of which he mentioned - giving gifts to his family and being on good terms with a number of them) but that really isn’t the point. Ofcourse, he is entitled to waltz out just as the woman is entitled to saying "no I want you back", see ? No she isn’t - she cannot force him to remain in a relationship with her, especially since 1. Theirs was never formalised and 2. They had agreed an amicable break up. She only appears to be vindictively seeking to stop the man from moving on. That is unacceptable. Is he lying about the woman and why? No, you can't cook up lies in order to justify your plans to dump a woman that stayed with u for 17 years just because you sniffed a fresh kpekus. Again you miss the point - even if he is lying about her, there is no mandatory requirement for him to stay with her, even if they have been together for 50 years. That’s what some of y’all don’t seem to understand - you seem to think that simply because he’s been with her for 17 years and has kids with her he can’t get involved with another woman if he so chooses. It doesn’t. 1 Like |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by pslm23(f): 11:32am On May 22, 2013 |
ifyalways: @Debo,I don't expect anything from anyone but the man decided to give us a detailed run down of why he's leaving her and surprising, it seems the woman is useless on ALL fronts. He says he's left her because she, simply put is a devil. Ify i am surprised at the things you are writing. But hey, it's your opinion. your statement "cooking up lies to justify dumping a woman he stayed with for 17 years just proves to me that you are not following this thread closely but picking bits of it to buttress whatever point you are trying to make. First of, there are no PLANS TO DUMP anybody. they have split up. they split up long before he married my cousin. he moved out of the house. |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by pslm23(f): 11:41am On May 22, 2013 |
I see people saying it's his fault. She wanted an abortion and he refused. She refused his marriage proposal etc. They both made the conscious decision to lay together without protection and it resulted in a pregnancy. he tried to do the right thing by asking to marry her cos apparently they had both declared love for each other etc. she refused and wanted an abortion, he is against abortion. He pleaded with her and got his mom and others to intervene to beg her to keep his child and she relented. How does this make him a monster? Out of the 4 pregnancies, only 2 was what she wanted aborted. Why don't you all ask why she is abortion hungry when she keeps having unprotected intercourse? If you don't want to get burnt you don't play with fire. Yes Ify, in this day and age there are people, graduates that can't operate a computer. Go to computer schools and see them learning how to. My step brother at 33 doesn't even know where the on button is on a laptop and he is a graduate! |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by Nobody: 11:43am On May 22, 2013 |
Oh please..... Not everyone has to agree with you. If you wanted to hear only what you want to hear you should have kept the story to yourself and not bring it here. Some people choose not to believe the man and his very dumb reasons so deal with it already. Pfffttt 1 Like |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by Nobody: 11:48am On May 22, 2013 |
pslm23: I see people saying it's his fault. She wanted an abortion and he refused. She refused his marriage proposal etc. They both made the conscious decision to lay together without protection and it resulted in a pregnancy. he tried to do the right thing by asking to marry her cos apparently they had both declared love for each other etc. she refused and wanted an abortion, he is against abortion. He pleaded with her and got his mom and others to intervene to beg her to keep his child and she relented. How does this make him a monster? I completely agree that the ex is a crazy lunatic . . . possiblly possessed and suffering from severe family problems. But you act like your cousin's husband is completely without blame. Even if the lady had the child for him (because he was against abortion), still not enough reason for him to stay with her. He loved blindly and f00lishly and is reaping the consequences now. If he wasn't so selfish, he would have thought of the children her was bringing into this world and not only about his own blinded infatuation. It's sad that innocent children are caught in the middle . . . Meanwhile this is the part that confuses me . . . if the woman is as promiscuous as he claims, how sure is he that the four kids are his Especially the last one which he claimed was as a result of a rap-e How come he's accepting the kids without question knowing fully well he's not the only one 'going in there' 1 Like |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by Nobody: 11:49am On May 22, 2013 |
..........and when y'all are done painting her black and red, bring her here and let her tell us her own story with you typing on her behalf since she is a computer illiterate. I never believed in "the other side of a story" but it is so not nice that three of you tag one woman "crazy". What a load of utter crap 1 Like |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by ifyalways(f): 11:50am On May 22, 2013 |
I need you to explain what you mean by "split up, separated" ? According to the mans story, he got another girl pregnant, moved in with her, the woman tricked her home, they fought,he MOVED out, met your cousin and wedded her. Is that what y'all label they've separated amicably? I dey laugh oh. He left the woman and she simply sat doing her thing and watching him. The man should please go do the right thing and stop acting innocent/victim. I agree he didn't pay the dowry but "moving out" is not yhe proper way to separate from a woman that bore u 4 kids. There has to be a sit down discussion, talks and agreement, shikena. 1 Like |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by pslm23(f): 11:50am On May 22, 2013 |
jennykadry: Oh please..... Not everyone has to agree with you. If you wanted to hear only what you want to hear you should have kept the story to yourself and not bring it here. Some people choose not to believe the man and his very dumb reasons so deal with it already. Pfffttt I never said i wanted anybody to agree with me. Let's get that fact straight. |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by Nobody: 11:53am On May 22, 2013 |
pslm23: Good, then stop making it look like those who blame your brother inlaw for the mess he put himself in, are silly and know not what they are talking about. He is not a victim, YES I SAID IT. If I didn't know your handle on this forum, I would have long concluded that this story is a joke and so not real. Your cousin made a mistake to get together with a man with such a dirty past. Desperation on her part I must say. She is 38 so yea.... |
Re: Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed by pslm23(f): 11:54am On May 22, 2013 |
Ujujoan: The paternity of the kids is something I am not touching or going into. None of my bizwax. I said in an earlier post that the guy f'd up big time too. he is not blameless. I have never said he was all free from blame. All i was trying to do was stop y'all from disparaging my cousin and saying things that were not true about her. The ex and my in law are both to blame for the mess on hand and it is quite obvious |
(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (Reply)
Can A Fiancee Beater Change In A Marriage? / Letting Your 4-Year-Old Son Live As A Girl... / Woman Gave Birth To Twins By Different Fathers
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 111 |