4 Him:

Bullshit? maybe maybe not.

Your sister lived in the UK with this man for 6yrs . . . didnt she know the way to the nearest police station?
Did anyone tie her legs to that house and declare she must never leave?

There are several ways to look at this, going to beat up the fellow in his home solves no problems but simply brands you all as being only marginally better than him.

Totally and utterly rubbish!!!

How many girlfriend/wives do you see pressing charges against their partners? Like i said if my mum did not get involved she'll still be there with him getting her ass whopped everyday.

tboy1:

Totally and utterly rubbish!!!

How many girlfriend/wives do you see pressing charges against their partners? Like i said if my mum did not get involved she'll still be there with him getting her ass whopped everyday.

You can see it however you like. I know its difficult for you to understand why your sister stayed for so long in an abusive relationship.
The fact that not many gfs/wives press charges against their partners does not mean it is not the right thing to do. What if your sister gets into a similar relationship in future, she'd be waiting for you and her mother's soldiers again to save her?

when is she going to grow a spine and learn to stand up for herself?

well hopefully from what she has seen, aka her mom's reaction to the situation. She too wont ever allow herself to be in such a suituation ever again. Perhaps she has the "backbone" now

Dont know why you people are acting like jungle justice isnt rampant in Nigeria

You ahve people who run after you with tires ready to burn you alive just for stealing Indomie from a market place, Im sure alot of you, gook at that, point, stare and laugh. No ne runs to thses people saying "if you do that,. you are no better than the thief". There's also the thread where someone asked what to do about her son being beaten up in school by bullies, MANY people suggested getting area boys to deal with the bullies.

All of that is fine until it's involves a female getting beaten up 24/7 and her mother does what any angry and caring mother WOULD do and all of a sudden the act is "barbaric and immoral". Abegi!

I've always said I dont expect people without sisters to understand such things. Alot of them just say stuff and just dont get it cos they werent raised around women.

4 Him:

You can see it however you like. I know its difficult for you to understand why your sister stayed for so long in an abusive relationship.
The fact that not many gfs/wives press charges against their partners does not mean it is not the right thing to do. What if your sister gets into a similar relationship in future, she'd be waiting for you and her mother's soldiers again to save her?

when is she going to grow a spine and learn to stand up for herself?

Hell yeahhh - she'll wait for the soldiers to kick his ass. The soldiers are always there and funny enough all other of my sister's boyfriends have started behaving well after this incident and i personally tell all my sister's boyfriends openly in a joking way that once they physically touch any of my sisters- that ass is going to be touched big time, they all see the funny side but they know i'm not playing

like is said myself earlier if you go through my post - i don't understand why the ladies can't just leave or even fight back/ or stand up to the guy?

tboy1:

like is said myself earlier if you go through my post - i don't understand why the ladies can't just leave or even fight back/ or stand up to the guy?

Same question i ask myself. There's only so much you can take in the name of "saving my marriage" . . . if the guy is an unrepentant wife beater pls leave him alone to punch the wall in your absence.

D-reloaded:

well hopefully from what she has seen, aka her mom's reaction to the situation. She too wont ever allow herself to be in such a suituation ever again. Perhaps she has the "backbone" now

It doesnt always follow. No one changes their personality overnight.

D-reloaded:

Dont know why you people are acting like jungle justice isnt rampant in Nigeria

and so we should excuse the use of jungle justice?

D-reloaded:

All of that is fine until it's involves a female getting beaten up 24/7 and her mother does what any angry and caring mother WOULD do and all of a sudden the act is "barbaric and immoral". Abegi!

are we assuming that a "caring" mother is one who brings soldiers to defend a daughter who cant open her mouth to report an abusive husband to the police? No ma'am, that is an over-indulgent mother. My own cousins are brought up to stand up for themselves not sit there waiting to be delivered from abusive men.
You seem to have a warped idea of "caring" mother, she's not necessarily always angry.

D-reloaded:

I've always said I don't expect people without sisters to understand such things. Alot of them just say stuff and just don't get it because they werent raised around women.

Uh huh. There we go again. Its not rocket science really, if i had a sister i wont be going to her husband's house to beat him up. The best i can do is advice her, ultimately the choice is hers to make. Problems are not necessarily solved by being verbally and physically abusive.

[/quote]are we assuming that a "caring" mother is one who brings soldiers to defend a daughter who can't open her mouth to report an abusive husband to the police? YES!!

Its not rocket science really, if i had a sister [quote]

i believe the question is answered. but it doesnt mean you cant have a daughter who may be unlucky enough to fall into the hands of such a pig. all your 'rational talk and advice' will disappear from your thoughts the second you find out. weak-willed or not, you will stand up for her.

i trust myself - soldiers are fantastic at handling such cases; they do such a great job - i would not hesitate to call upon them as often as necessary; moreso if i had been the one involved.

Most people are raised to believe commiting murder is wrong, David

However when it comes to the death of their own child or whomever, what's the first thing people say? "I want that person dead" "I want him to get the death panalty" "I want to watch him die or I will kill him myself"

It might seem "irrational" but that is how people think and some of them react on this. It might seem wrong according to moral code but many of us try to look it form their point of view and at least understand their reactions

Compared to a mother that would say "well he's your husband, just pray that the beating stops" and sends her back to a lion's den just to look good for society, you better BELIEVE I think tboy's mom IS caring.

hmmm . . . maybe its true i dont see things from your point of view because i have no sisters.

No wonder!!!!

I'm a Christian too but in that case ,the soldiers were very necessary.
Believe me he'll think twice before hitting any other woman because he now knows what it feels like.

stillwater:

No wonder!!!!

what is there to wonder about?

sheniqua:

I'm a Christian too but in that case ,the soldiers were very necessary.
Believe me he'll think twice before hitting any other woman because he now knows what it feels like.

you also support getting soldiers to whip the fellow? How does that solve the problem?

How can you recognise woman beaters? Most physical abuse is meted out by women.A woman in a lesbian relationship is more likely to get beaten compared to a woman dating a man.Never mind that women mete out most of the physical abuse to children.

What makes abuse by men more unacceptable is that it tends to be more fatal.

lioness wrote

What are the signs that a man will be a woman beater
I know alot of girls who say their husbands never slapped them while they were dating but after marriage, they beat the shiit out of them.
So am wondering, what should a girl watch out for as signals that the guy might be bruce lee?  

Long time Ms lioness how are you ?
most women already know they have an abuser and potential striker during the dating and they live in denial thinking everything would be better if only she bahaved, when they got married, if only they could have a child,if only he earned more.
The live their lives trying to please a sadist who is angry with himself and taking it out on his victims (the wife and kids).

many have also died or remained permanently maimed by these monsters.

If any girl has a little comma with her fiance or boyfriend, wave him a quick goodbye and safe yourself a lifetime of misery.

warning signs

1.Prevents you from going places you want to go
2.chooses your friends
3.limits your relationship with others
4.monitors your movements
5.controls your salary
6.reads your mail
7.screens your calls
8.overtly and insanely jealous
9.ridicules your achievements and makes fun of your appearance
10.name callings.

the above are signs of a posessive and insecure man
from such turn away

sheniqua:

the above are signs of a posessive and insecure man
from such turn away

1 Sheniqua Chapter 3 verse 19.

4 Play:

How can you recognise woman beaters? Most physical abuse is meted out by women.A woman in a lesbian relationship is more likely to get beaten compared to a woman dating a man.Never mind that women mete out most of the physical abuse to children.

What makes abuse by men more unacceptable is that it tends to be more fatal.

This is a bunch of bull crap!!
how many lesbian relationships are there compared to heterosexual relationships?
in the lesbo beatings,I bet you it's the male in the relationship that's doing the beating
which only confirms what we're saying

sheniqua:

This is a bunch of bull crap!!
how many lesbian relationships are there compared to heterosexual relationships?
in the lesbo beatings,I bet you it's the male in the relationship that's doing the beating
which only confirms what we're saying

Its not a question of the number of same-sex relationships vs heterosexual relationships but the likelihood of a woman facing physical abuse.You are more likely to face physical abuse dating a woman than dating a man.

The majority of the physical abuse of children-is that also caused by "male" females?

@Topic:

It is not written on the head so dont expect to see them approaching and recognize them

Tboy,

you are a good brother, i know people who abuse their women and i did experience being hit recently, you did a good thing for your sister and even if she was married to the jerk your mum had a right to do that. one thing is, noone has a right to treat someone bad.

i am behind you, the only thing that would have been best was if the BASTARD was maimed! sometimes when i read comments from some people on nairaland i start to worry about our future generation.

they encourage things from women battery to bashing.

4 Play:

Its not a question of the number of same-sex relationships vs heterosexual relationships but the likelihood of a woman facing physical abuse.You are more likely to face physical abuse dating a woman than dating a man.

The majority of the physical abuse of children-is that also caused by "male" females?

Most studies on violence against women indicate that

the perpetrators of violence against women are almost exclusively men;

women are at greatest risk of violence from men they know;

women and girls are the most frequent victims of violence within the family and between intimate partners

physical abuse in intimate relationships is almost always accompanied by severe psychological and verbal abuse;

social institutions put in place to protect citizens too often blame or
ignore battered women.

http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs239/en/

4 Him:

what is there to wonder about?

you also support getting soldiers to whip the fellow? How does that solve the problem?

No wonder you're trying to appear "logical"

4 Play:

How can you recognise woman beaters? Most physical abuse is meted out by women.A woman in a lesbian relationship is more likely to get beaten compared to a woman dating a man.Never mind that women mete out most of the physical abuse to children.

What makes abuse by men more unacceptable is that it tends to be more fatal.

Trying to change the subject, abi?

NubianQ:

i am behind you, the only thing that would have been best was if the BASTARD was maimed! sometimes when i read comments from some people on nairaland i start to worry about our future generation.

they encourage things from women battery to bashing.

Maim the guy why?

Have no fear, most of those who yell loudly about protecting their sisters may end up being worse to their own wives. Its not by virtue of what you post. I would never hit my wife, i still wont support getting soldiers to maim a wife beater either.
Tboy's sister had ample chance to report to the police, she chose to bear the abuse in silence for 6yrs, its no one's fault but hers.

sheniqua:

Most studies on violence against women indicate that . . .

they can indicate anything they want, if the woman being abused wont speak out and get help she'll just end up another statistic.

4 Him:

Maim the guy why?

Have no fear, most of those who yell loudly about protecting their sisters may end up being worse to their own wives. Its not by virtue of what you post. I would never hit my wife, i still wont support getting soldiers to maim a wife beater either.
Tboy's sister had ample chance to report to the police, she chose to bear the abuse in silence for 6yrs, its no one's fault but hers.

I'm not looking for a fight cuz I'm still in a good mood

But thats a very cold  thing to say

@sheniqua

If women started dating each other instead what would happen?They will face a greater likelihood of physical abuse.

Who is more likely to physically abuse a child-women.

When your children grow older,God forbid it happening but if any of them were ever to attack you,its more likely to be your daughter than your son.

Women mete out their physical abuse to people-children,mothers,disabled men-who are physically weaker than them. If they happen to date their fellow women,they deliver such abuse with greater frequency than a man will to his woman.

HR.hotness:


I'm not looking for a fight because I'm still in a good mood

But thats a very cold thing to say

no more fight, you can speak your mind.

It sounds cold but its the reality, i would have given her the benefit of the doubt if this were in Nigeria where the law is of no use but in the UK??
What prevented her from calling the police? Is it fear?
Until we begin to educate women that its not enough to merely sit down and sob about spousal abuse they'll never learn to stand up for themselves. What if tboy hadnt been keen on knowing what was really going on she'll still be in the UK today suffering in silence.

the vast majority of women would rather sit there hoping the guy will change someday until it is too late.

4him,

First of all i am going to stress this. you are a very intelligent young man but sometimes you actually can be insensitive.

you say depressed people are weak, vulgar people are wild, liberal people make excuses to do horrible things, now you are saying a victim of abuse is at fault?

Listen Abuse can be psychological, the fear alone can make someone not report to the police. i was a Support worker at some point in my life and i did see this things that u regard as weaknesses.

currently my job deals with people as well and one thing i try to do is understand even if it hasnt happened to me. its so bad that you could disrespect T-boy1's sister and say its her fault.

not trying to insult you but from your posts i gather that you may not be too old or rather very young. i can only say this, try and understand somethings, we all have friends, sisters and possibly in the future would meet people.

you may have it all under control but some people dont and they are not trying to be perfect but only trying to get some support to achieve some level of stability.

i believe that T-boy1's sister was not at fault and for the record, i have been in a similar situation though it was psychological and not physical abuse, i am sure i felt worse than she did. i took myself out of it and sometimes i wonder if some other people can.

i know you wont hit your woman but as much as possible make your self someone people can tlk to and not someone who dissmises any sign of human weakness.

and yes, they should have maimed the bastard cuz he is an animal. or rather let the soldiers teach him a lesson. I have made up my mind that if anyone hits me, i will KILL him atleast there is something called self defense

4 Play:

@sheniqua

If women started dating each other instead what would happen?They will face a greater likelihood of physical abuse.

Who is more likely to physically abuse a child-women.

When your children grow older,God forbid it happening but if any of them were ever to attack you,its more likely to be your daughter than your son.

Women mete out their physical abuse to people-children,mothers,disabled men-who are physically weaker than them. If they happen to date their fellow women,they deliver such abuse with greater frequency than a man will to his woman.

That is so untrue.
Most women and children are abused physically,sexually and emotionally and even killed by men
I'm almost scared to read these things from you.

Women Beaters, Dem no dey carry sign board waka o!!

Like someone rightly said, Na only God fit save una.

But on the real, I know a family where the wife has a cane. The man flogs the shit out of his wife and the interesting thing is that they have been married for over 12yrs. This man is a classic example of a gentleman to the outside world, smiles alot and is very nice to his wife.

So ladies if you are looking for signs like bruce lee palms, a t-shirt with "wife beater" on it, then I'm sorry.

Just WATCH and PRAY, that's what the bible suggested.

cheers.

A woman putting up with abuse for 6 years in the UK? What a stupid woman.

sheniqua:

That is so untrue.
Most women and children are abused physically,sexually and emotionally and even killed by men
I'm almost scared to read these things from you.

Who are you bullshitting with the above-that children get most of their physical abuse from men? I wonder where you get that from.Apart from sexual abuse,physical abuse is mainly meted out to children by women.

For a medical professional,I'm sure you would have noticed that most cases of children coming into your hospital with grevious bodily injuries were as a result of physical abuse from their mothers.

Again,women in lesbian relationships face the greater likelihood of physical abuse than women in heterosexual relationships.

NubianQ, thanks.
You do have a point and i admit to being insensitive at times. We arent all perfect eh.

I'm not disrespecting tboy's sister, i'm only left to wonder what would have happened to her had tboy not been sharp enough to notice what she was going through even when she didnt want to talk about it. What if her brothers were living elsewhere?
From his post i gather she wasnt even married to him . . . why stay with an abusive man who didnt even marry you legally?

We cant keep giving excuses that these women are weak, yes some weakness is allowed but for how long? 6 yrs is too long IMHO to endure psychological abuse.
The problem is nigerian women have been conditioned to accept abuse as a normal part of marriage, its not! A man lays a hand on you pls leave . . . dont wait until it becomes a normal routine. At that stage its impossible to make that man see reason.

4 Play:

A woman putting up with abuse for 6 years in the UK? What a stupid woman.

Who are you bullshitting with the above-that children get most of their physical abuse from men? I wonder where you get that from.Apart from sexual abuse,physical abuse is mainly meted out to children by women.

For a medical professional,I'm sure you would have noticed that most cases of children coming into your hospital with grevious bodily injuries were as a result of physical abuse from their mothers.

Again,women in lesbian relationships face the greater likelihood of physical abuse than women in heterosexual relationships.

The topic here is about physically abusive males
anything you've said is very irrelevant and grossly untrue

4 Him:

no more fight, you can speak your mind.

It sounds cold but its the reality, i would have given her the benefit of the doubt if this were in Nigeria where the law is of no use but in the UK??
What prevented her from calling the police? Is it fear?
Until we begin to educate women that its not enough to merely sit down and sob about spousal abuse they'll never learn to stand up for themselves. What if tboy hadnt been keen on knowing what was really going on she'll still be in the UK today suffering in silence.

the vast majority of women would rather sit there hoping the guy will change someday until it is too late.

I understand where you are coming from but even here in the UK there are many people suffering in silence with abuse from their spouses

It annoys me as well because God knows I wouldnt stand for it but the truth is that some people feel emotionally trapped, or are in denial for shame or whatever reasons.

Its definitely easier to see everything in black and white but there are many grey areas in reality,,,,

I was in an abusive relationship a long time ago, I can see how she probably couldnt leave, there is alot of emotional blackmail and mind games in an abusive relationship, its never what it seems. I left the relationship before it got too far but I know how easy it would have been to stay.

The problem also boils down to culture in Nigeria, it used to be a forbidden thing for a wife to walk out of a marriage or to speak against her husband no matter what was going on. Even now, i know people in my age group who have those kinds of values,,,, its just a recipe for an abusive marriage.

Even confident, intelligent and successful women have been known to be trapped in abusive marriages so its not something as easy as walking out. You're a guy so it might be difficult to understand