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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage (34675 Views)
Life Before Marriage Vs Life After Marriage (photos) / Ten(10) Things Every Couple Must Discuss Before Getting Married / Things Intended Couples Need To Discuss Before Say I Do (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by Nobody: 3:35pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
okpara ugo:see bros, wen we re involved in wrong relationship we always no frm d beginning, most of us tries 2 reverse a physical change which is irreversible(chemistry), by so doing we get tied up wit some circumstances ,lik pregnancy which is d only trick women use nowadays |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by Nobody: 3:36pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
hmm. forget what you read about people on nairaland. someone can say beautiful things here and live a different life elsewhere. your observations about ladies are true. 98% of them fall into your definition but your duty is to find that 2% who have their heads on their shoulders for marriage. very striking is your comment about independence. u have good observation. some of them enjoy exploring men for benefit. such arent wife material. seek and ye shall find. DarryOsh: |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by eagleeye2: 3:37pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
Ashabie: Thank you for that question,my friend bot a freezer because she think she needed it and the hubby is not ready to buy it,this leads to a serious fight whereby I was the beneficiary of the freezer,until the freezer left the house before peace was restored.and what the hubby was saying was even if your salary is times 3 of mine,its none of my business,you must learn how to make use of what I can afford,not interested in your support.where is your friend please or do you have more of such friends? I hate men who don't earn much behaving as if their wives income does not matter in the scheme of things. Abeg money is important regardless of who earns what.... I will prefer my woman making contributions without me prompting her. |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by eagleeye2: 3:40pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
yellowpawpaw:Is that the only contribution you have to make? |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by DarryOsh(m): 3:43pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
ighoosagie: u see , it wud b impossible for half cast children 2 b racist , same formula goes 2 religion. you make it sound so easy. Religion and race are not the same. The kind of marriage u talk about can only work if both parties do not take their religions very seriously. Even so, what happens if along the line one of them takes is more seriously and religious values clash. And as for the children, which wil they follow. From xperience, they follow the spouse who is more aggresive in instilling his/her religious beliefs 1 Like |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by Nobody: 3:48pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
DarryOsh:its wud b worse dan suicide 4 u 2 allow religion tk d stead of ur happiness . Open dis link https://www.nairaland.com/1374728/true-religion |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by eagleeye2: 3:50pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
okpara ugo:Not necessarily not taken them serious.. But ladies tend to be in a bit of a hurry. Marriage is a life time commitment. It no longer surprises me when they start calling after about a year or two of married life. My response is always "I don't keep friends with married ladies".. |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by shirleywhyte(f): 3:51pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
DaRryOsh, please talk to me... |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by anihchinma(f): 4:03pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
Nice post........................ |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by Larrey(f): 4:04pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
honeric01: Reading through Nairaland's terrifying threads sometimes get me kinda confused. Like good friends before marriage becoming sworn enemies after marriage.just like ♍ƺ too o |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by SPSpecial(m): 4:06pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
As for me i will not only look out good attitudes of a lady, beauty is very crucial- d one dat will not fade even at the old age n after 4 or 5 kids. Cos i know v stay lng with a wowo, sagged woman. Beauty is part of what keeps d love rolling whenever u see any other beauty outside. U will only conclude n say 'my wife i prettier dan u' 1 Like |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by Meddler(f): 4:10pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
DarryOsh: I laugh when I hear guys describe a particular type of lady u have encountered in the past or present. My take is that if u have been meeting the same type of girls over and over again, change environments ur taste and try something different. my female friends r the complete opposite of what you described above. Sorry for the cliché but they r strong independent women and r not looking for someone to take care of them. Now the funny thing is that guys appear not to like those kind of chicks. Either they r too intimidated by them or they believe they would be too proud. Anyway the gist of my story is that u start looking for women and not girls because there's a big difference between the two. Apparently uve only been meeting girls. 2 Likes |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by Nobody: 4:11pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
eagle,eye:Yes o! What do u want me to say naw? Ok,pray to ur maker for good spouse. R u ok naw? *(runs out)* |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by faithuak(f): 4:30pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
greatgod2012: ContinuedGod help me! Nice write-up dear. |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by eagleeye2: 4:31pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
yellowpawpaw:Is that all? |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by DarryOsh(m): 4:40pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
shirley whyte: DaRryOsh, please talk to me...ayt, shirley.......*extends hands of friendship* followig u........ |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by Asiwaju9ja(m): 4:40pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
Question: Why all these days marriages dey hard to survive? Answer: Na Marriage of Convenience dem dey do these days. Apart from dis, if both of u are genuinely interest in d Marriage and not what each is bringing into d marriage, 90% Chance is that it will work. 1 Like |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by Princesszoe: 4:42pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
OP, if you like discuss the whole world with your woman, if the two of you lack the fear of God, you will surely breach some of your agreements at the long run. So is not how far you have gone on agreement but how well the agreement will be kept. Again, make sure you have read the pages of bible which recorded the instructions given to husband and wife respectively as regards to their duties. If not, you may receive it hot when the temptations start coming. Make sure you read those pages and get your spouse to read too. The two of you must have the fear of God; read and assimilate those Bible pages and determine to abide in them. However i will only list few things you may likely need to discuss before matching down to the alter. (1) Discuss and know what you ought to know about yourselves- background, child outside wedlock; previous marriage; religion. (2) Discuss number of children you both want. (3) In the absence of none(no child) or a particular sex(boy or girl), what will be the fate of the marriage? (4) What type of movie should we keep at home? (5) Will you stay for better for worse or can anything lead to divorce? (be honesty with this) (6) Will you still love her if her physique changes? & Will she still love you if your assets get into trouble? (7) What are the things you cannot compromise on or can you sacrifice in all things?(you must be serious with this) ( To what extend can both of you accommodate friends? (9) Does she want house help, nanny or share house chores with you? (10) will the both of you always share the good, bad and ugly commitments you have involved yourselves into when you finally become husband and wife? (the two of you are one so you are meant to be open and resistitute) Above all, Are you both compatible? Marriage can make you build focus and can make you lose focus. Marriage can make you and can mar you. Marriage can distract you from living a holy life and can build you up for heavenly race. Marriage can make you emotionally sane and can also make you emotionally insane. Marriage can make you last long on earth and can equally take you to an early grave. Be a true child of God; develop fear of God; and live right, then you will attract your like. 1 Like |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by DarryOsh(m): 4:46pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
ighoosagie: its wud b worse dan suicide 4 u 2 allow religion tk d stead of ur happiness . if we go into this discussion, we might derail this thread. |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by Fhemmmy: 4:48pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
DarryOsh: True that, so might be ideal to open another thread for it . . . |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by Nobody: 5:07pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
El Guapo: 75% of Marriage Issues for discourse must have been brought to light during the courtship periods - That is if the duo ever recognizes the need for courtship. Well said, though I had to laugh when I read your point No. 3. Why would you want to choose your kids' professions on their behalf?! Well, let me not digress any further. Back to the topic 1 Like |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by ellotts(m): 5:09pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
this is one of the best discussion I have seen so far................. so interesting.................. |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by DarryOsh(m): 5:10pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
Meddler:well said. I stated earlier that i wonder if perhaps i am the one surrounded by the wrong sort. U make it sound as if i said all ladies are like that? No i did not. And i forgot to mention that i know a number of independent ones too (but for some reasons thear are 'within reach'). But if as u say, most of the ladies you know are independent and yet do not let it 'get into their heads'( u didnt talk about that aspect though), then its great. Finally, about meeting 'women', i am not even 'searching' (@ least not delibrately). |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by DarryOsh(m): 5:12pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
Fhemmmy:i suppose... |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by Meddler(f): 5:15pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
DarryOsh: well said. I stated earlier that i wonder if perhaps i am the one surrounded by the wrong sort. U make it sound as if i said all ladies are like that? No i did not. I know u didn't mean all the ladies. And yes they don't let it get to their heads . Anyway hope u finally get to meet the ideal lady who is within reach |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by Nobody: 5:25pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
eagle,eye:I try naw! At least I said something! What works for me may not work for u. But at least we all hv one thing in common.our maker irrespective of religion except atheists. That's why I said pray to ur maker. But then again,that to me is the wisest thing any man or woman hopin to tie the knot should do. He will supply the rest. Happy naw? Eagle eye,pls don't eagle eye me o! |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by DarryOsh(m): 5:26pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
Meddler: i av this feelin u r bein sarcastic wit me......tell me i'm right.lol |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by TV01(m): 5:29pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
honeric01: Hmmmm, thanks, pls share more, others are reading.. My pleasure. If per my first post, you are individually mature (Spiritually, Educationally, Financially Physically, Emotionally, Socially – each of these require more detail, please ask if required), then you are ready for courtship. I had my preferred way of meeting people, but whatever way/s you use, I always suggest you have a good idea of what you want in a spouse. It will save you a lot of time and hassle if you focus. If at all possible, learn a little about a person before you approach them or accept to get to know them better, let alone “date”. (More here also, but please ask, I’m trying to keep it short). So, you are getting to know this person, what to discuss? Your aim is to gain sufficient insight into this persons character, worldview and aspirations to know if you should proceed to courtship proper and ultimately marriage. In marriage, the possible combination and variety of situations you will face are so numerous, you simply cannot discuss them all, hence the emphasis on maturity & character. And a real God fearing nature if you believe. So discuss pretty much everything and anything, being sure to learn about them as a person. Background, heritage, desires (especially for marriage), education, and any life experiences they are willing to share. At the early stages, don’t necessarily get too deep. Talk lots. Be out together (in safe non-pressured, environments), in groups, assess how they are in public, their familial and social interaction if you have the opportunity If it becomes more likely that they are looking like the one, the relationship should be made exclusive and then more intimate things like sex can be discussed as you become closer. I always counsel full disclosure of past relationships around this point. Be sure to meet family and close friends and assess further. You can “plan”, some things quite clearly, but some things only generally. Man proposes....be flexible and willing to discuss further, compromise or make strategic changes. You’ll probably have too once married. Overall, you want to be sure of your commitment to each other and your union. You should ideally know what that means before you start, only now you’ve found the one. A slight digression, but ensure you engage your support - family etc - before it gets too serious or any commitment is made. There should be discussion here also, and whoever it is should be presented - repeatedly. If at any point you feel you cannot marry – spend the rest of your life with - this person, then diplomatically bow out. As a Christian, I always counsel marrying someone of like faith and avoiding fornication. I may touch on intimacy more fully in a separate post , but that should suffice for now. Look out for – deceit, anger, selfishness, caginess, inconsistency, lewdness, lack of focus or direction, any kind of impropriety. Set your standards high or you will likely compromise on calibre of person and personal qualities. This is not a template or a roadmap, it’s general guidance. Your quest will and should be very personal. Your story, your marriage. Apologies for the slightly disjointed order, I’m rushed. All the best as you proceed towards marital bliss. TV 2 Likes |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by amanikondo: 5:32pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
T |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by eagleeye2: 5:34pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
yellowpawpaw:Please continue, I am all eyes.... I wish to read more. |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by misstobi: 5:35pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
I just noticed lack of communication wt couples ds day,nobody seems to b @ peace wt 1 anoda nd instead of talk things thru,dey prefer to let silence rule |
Re: Important Things To Discuss Before Marriage by sportfeva(m): 5:37pm On Jul 29, 2013 |
honeric01: .hhI personally believe the man is responsible for the finance of his wife and children and shouldn't expect any kobo being spend from his wife. She can only do that at will and persuasion maybe the husband is a little bit tight. Even, he should be giving her allowance base on buoyancy and will without demanding how she spent it. That's my belief which I believe is correct. |
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