okpara ugo: some people are one day, one trouble. pray that God delivers you from such a spouse. amen.

the greatest virtue in finding a spouse is patience. follow your heart and dont let anyone decide for you. i have seen parents, pastors or siblings choosing spouses for prople.

nah so the man go find me one ugly girl. i said God forbid.

its good to discuss but it is beyond discussion. i have even encountered someone saying that an agreement should be written and signed by both partners so that someone wont misbehave after marriage.

wetin be this ? nah business partnership.

just get an understamding person....

DarryOsh:

now that you asked, i realise puttin it in into words in more difficult than i thought. Well, i must say that i believe good peolpe(regardless of sex, age, race etc) are generally hard to come by.

My default impression of ladies is that they are are superficial. I mean, who says they cant b deep thinkers.....to lots of them fashion, and other superficial stuff are kind of priority. Just check out what a lot of them regard as entertainment. They dont wann see deep movies.no! They dont really aspire for much. So many just want a guy with money and feel pressured to go into retaionships and marriage jut for the sake of it.

Why are they scared to b alone. A lady leaves a relationship and cannot imagine being on her own for a while. She just jumps into another man's arms. Talk about independence. Its all about show-off (even their marriage and relationships). My friend who things i set my standards too high believes that is how ladies are supposed to b.

In short, most girls go into relationships with the mindset that they are going to 'take' rather than 'give'. I wouldnt want a nagging wife who believe i should do d work of making things 'work' because she is the lady and i am the man.

Now, from experience, those who seem to have the right mindset may have submission issues (i use the word submission in accordance with the bible).

And, oh, faith is one thing i cnt compromise. Not just by mouth, bt practicing it.

Ps: sometimes i wonder if i hold this beliefs because of my own environment. I must say that when i come on to nairaland and read posts by some ladies, i wonder how come i dont come in contact with these wonderful ones. Where the hell are they?

I have tried to put it in words.......

Ashabie: Thank you for that question,my friend bot a freezer because she think she needed it and the hubby is not ready to buy it,this leads to a serious fight whereby I was the beneficiary of the freezer,until the freezer left the house before peace was restored.and what the hubby was saying was even if your salary is times 3 of mine,its none of my business,you must learn how to make use of what I can afford,not interested in your support.

yellowpawpaw:
R u d guy?

ighoosagie: u see , it wud b impossible for half cast children 2 b racist , same formula goes 2 religion.


I'm speaking frm experience, my dad atheist my mum Christian, we d children chooses wat we best fit in2, lik 2 of my brothers re atheist while myself n d oda re xtian .

By making dis real , we wud b raising a peace keepin generation n generations.

DarryOsh:

you make it sound so easy. Religion and race are not the same. The kind of marriage u talk about can only work if both parties do not take their religions very seriously. Even so, what happens if along the line one of them takes is more seriously and religious values clash. And as for the children, which wil they follow. From xperience, they follow the spouse who is more aggresive in instilling his/her religious beliefs

okpara ugo:

Eyah, maybe you played away some chances.. people you should have taken seriosly were flung aside.

** following **

honeric01: Reading through Nairaland's terrifying threads sometimes get me kinda confused. Like good friends before marriage becoming sworn enemies after marriage.

A loving man/women suddenly changing for the worse.

I would like matured married people on this board to help the younger ones (yet to say i do) state issues, things that intending couple should discuss before marriage.

We know alot of things are involved when it comes to having a peaceful (at least a bit) home after marriage.

Apart from having a consistent income generating biz/job

A comfortable shelter

How many kids needed in the union if any

level of influence in the union from extended family members

Maturity in age and thought process.

And other basic things needed before settling down, what are the others things both party should discuss in advance so as to avoid future conflict of interest?

No one's an island of knowledge, so pls share what you discussed before saying i do that's it working well for you now that you're married.

Me dey fear small small o and time's no longer my friend.....

DarryOsh:

now that you asked, i realise puttin it in into words in more difficult than i thought. Well, i must say that i believe good peolpe(regardless of sex, age, race etc) are generally hard to come by.

My default impression of ladies is that they are are superficial. I mean, who says they cant b deep thinkers.....to lots of them fashion, and other superficial stuff are kind of priority. Just check out what a lot of them regard as entertainment. They dont wann see deep movies.no! They dont really aspire for much. So many just want a guy with money and feel pressured to go into retaionships and marriage jut for the sake of it.

Why are they scared to b alone. A lady leaves a relationship and cannot imagine being on her own for a while. She just jumps into another man's arms. Talk about independence. Its all about show-off (even their marriage and relationships). My friend who things i set my standards too high believes that is how ladies are supposed to b.

In short, most girls go into relationships with the mindset that they are going to 'take' rather than 'give'. I wouldnt want a nagging wife who believe i should do d work of making things 'work' because she is the lady and i am the man.

Now, from experience, those who seem to have the right mindset may have submission issues (i use the word submission in accordance with the bible).

And, oh, faith is one thing i cnt compromise. Not just by mouth, bt practicing it.

Ps: sometimes i wonder if i hold this beliefs because of my own environment. I must say that when i come on to nairaland and read posts by some ladies, i wonder how come i dont come in contact with these wonderful ones. Where the hell are they?

I have tried to put it in words.......

eagle,eye:

Is that the only contribution you have to make?

greatgod2012: Continued



YOUR SEXUALITY........... This aspect can never be over emphasized in any marriage and it has been one of the causes of many problems in many marriages. Therefore, discuss it extensively while courting, some people use to shy away from it and after marriage, it raises its ugly head in such a way that if care is not taken, it can scatter the marriage.
Question that may be asked here include..........
~how sexually active are you
~are you a virgin
~do you believe in s ex before marriage
~are you sexually attracted to a certain physique, for example, anyone who is sexually attracted to a slim person has no business dating a fat person and vice versar
~do you prefer a particular complexion in the other person, for example, I don't like a fair complexion man and I've never dated one in my life. If you are sexually attracted to a fair complexion person, you don't have any business with a dark complexion person.


YOUR HEALTH.............. Under this you discuss some pertinent questions like
~ Are you both ready and willing to undergo a comprehensive medical screening
~what are your views on exercise and fasting
~what are the medical problems you've had in the past
~What are the the medical history in you both family
~who falls ill often and less often between you two,etc.

YOUR RESPECT........... Mutual respect in marriagedetermines to a great extent how a marriage turns out. To regard a person with esteem, you need to have an appreciable level of repect for such a person. Some important question to ask here include
~can you proudly introduce your spouse-to-be to your friends and relatives
~do I relate to this person as my friend
~do I accept his or her friends as ny friends
~is there mutual giving and sharing in this relationship
Do I like the way he or she makes decision
~do we bring out the best from each other
~do I like the way this person makes decision
~am I constantly in conflict with him or her
~will I be drained of my individuality,personality, creativity, dreams and hopes, self respect,dignity and significance if I go on to marriage with this person.


YOUR EDUCATION........ The interpretation of issues and events greatly depend on one's educational background, therefore, it has to be threshed out, in order to prevent unnecessary frictions in your marriage. If you are the type that will want your partner to have at least first degree, you don't have business with anyone below that educational level, except he or she is ready and willing to upgrade him or herseld educationally.


YOUR COMMUNICATION........... Inability to communicate differences and problems out in a marriage put a great danger in such a marriage, therefore, communication, effective and efficient one is beneficial to the success of every marriage.
Right from courtship, examine if
~you interact freely with your intended spouse
~he or she listen to suggestions, ideas, and advices
~if he or she talks down on you
~if he or she listen when you talk
~if he or she discuss issues or avoid issues
~if you are free to disagree with him or her on any issue
~if he maintains healthy communication
Etc


All in all, marriage counsellors will do a wonderful job for you if you seek for their services. But above all, a three-fold cord is not easily broken, invite God and lean on Him and He will direct your path to the right person. However, don't forget to be a right partner in order to attract a right partner, remember. Like attract likes.
May God help us all.

yellowpawpaw:
Yes o! What do u want me to say naw?






Ok,pray to ur maker for good spouse. R u ok naw?
*(runs out)*

shirley whyte: DaRryOsh, please talk to me...

ighoosagie: its wud b worse dan suicide 4 u 2 allow religion tk d stead of ur happiness .
Open dis link https://www.nairaland.com/1374728/true-religion

DarryOsh:

if we go into this discussion, we might derail this thread.

El Guapo: 75% of Marriage Issues for discourse must have been brought to light during the courtship periods - That is if the duo ever recognizes the need for courtship.

That breaks the gazillion talking points to bits.

At getting married, the couple would have to address pressing issues like;

1. How their respective Jobs would serve as a plus to the young marriage.

2. How many Kids to beget.

3. Choosing the kids' Professions, and how best to have them on track.

4. How best to maximise the funds for the home upkeeping, having on mind that the numbers would soon swell when the kids arrive.

5. Traversing on the path of righteousness - Both would have to belong to same faith and work towards their spiritual flaws. Etc

A counsellor would still do a perfect Job though.

Meddler:


I laugh when I hear guys describe a particular type of lady u have encountered in the past or present. My take is that if u have been meeting the same type of girls over and over again, change environments ur taste and try something different. my female friends r the complete opposite of what you described above. Sorry for the cliché but they r strong independent women and r not looking for someone to take care of them. Now the funny thing is that guys appear not to like those kind of chicks. Either they r too intimidated by them or they believe they would be too proud. Anyway the gist of my story is that u start looking for women and not girls because there's a big difference between the two. Apparently uve only been meeting girls.

Fhemmmy:

True that, so might be ideal to open another thread for it . . .

DarryOsh: well said. I stated earlier that i wonder if perhaps i am the one surrounded by the wrong sort. U make it sound as if i said all ladies are like that? No i did not.

And i forgot to mention that i know a number of independent ones too (but for some reasons thear are 'within reach').

But if as u say, most of the ladies you know are independent and yet do not let it 'get into their heads'( u didnt talk about that aspect though), then its great.

Finally, about meeting 'women', i am not even 'searching' (@ least not delibrately).

eagle,eye:

Is that all?

Meddler:

I know u didn't mean all the ladies. And yes they don't let it get to their heads .

Anyway hope u finally get to meet the ideal lady who is within reach

honeric01: Hmmmm, thanks, pls share more, others are reading..

yellowpawpaw:
I try naw!
At least I said something!
What works for me may not work for u.
But at least we all hv one thing in common.our maker irrespective of religion except atheists. That's why I said pray to ur maker.
But then again,that to me is the wisest thing any man or woman hopin to tie the knot should do. He will supply the rest.
Happy naw?
Eagle eye,pls don't eagle eye me o!

honeric01: .hh

But i know someone who said a limit shouldn't be placed and that the man should act as if the woman's income doesn't exist. What's your take on this?