The rock5555:

so u don read am finish just now

oboy ah no be winch(witch for the oversabis) abi na wizard o, na d 2nd to last update ah dey tlk. dis one ma funny sha

adegwurulez:
oboy ah no be winch(witch for the oversabis) abi na wizard o, na d 2nd to last update ah dey tlk. dis one ma funny sha

I for just carry my ghana must go begin run

Lol, lwkmd, lmfao, rotlmao, lwtmb, lwmm4ms, llai.... Guy u don kolo finish, dis last update bam die..... Sleep tite man

Firstgentleman1: Lol, lwkmd, lmfao, rotlmao, lwtmb, lwmm4ms, llai.... Guy u don kolo finish, dis last update bam die..... Sleep tite man

And you too, but try expain all this ur heavy abbrevaitions.

I nor even know wetin i go say, buh dis ur story bam diee!


™ƺƔcιεмεηт®

When bell for closing was rung an unusual fear came upon me, maybe due to the fear of the big boy who collected beatings x5 and treathened me.

'Solo abeg escourt me go house make i dey tell you one action film i watch yestaday'

'I no wan follow long cut, my mama go quarrel me'

Everybody was avoiding me as the school closed because they were all afraid of the big boy treath.

I waited till everybody and left thinking the boy had also gone home, i started strolling home and then i sighted him running to my direction and i took to my heels.

He was using speed of ferrari sport car while i was using speed of 504car, my intention was to run to my phe aunty's place but he caught up with me and gave me a slap that got my ears vibrating on jingle bells rythm.

I then change my approach to deplomatic method.

'Bros why you slap me na'

'ow you think that you can make senior too flog me nad go free'

'but you say you like cane na thats why i was testing you'

'you dey mad, so na me dey like cane abi, or you sef no like cane'

'Ok sorry abeg na play i been the play, ok wetin you want make i do now' i pleaded

'You go the call me baba from now on'

'As if he was not baba' i said in my mind. Ok you be baba from now on, i shouted.

So he left me and i got home, ate and quickly ran outside to play my football with chokolo and co. My dad rule then was never allow 6pm to meet you outside and you must bath after coming back from the field.

When i got home that evening, i saw a bowl of nunu(that milky substance fulani women carry on their head around, its made from cow milk) on the table. I wanted to go but one mind said test am small na.
'No dont test am, no be your own'
'Abeg joor who dey house, just drink small'
'If you drink am and them catch you, you go chop koboko today'
'Just taste am, nobody go know', i followed the second voice.

What i did not know was that my mother younger sister was watching me in a hidden coner, i quickly drank two spoon and ran away, she came out and drank it till it was almost finished and also covered it without me knowing.

When my dad came back he told me to go and bring the bowl so thst he can drink, the second voice was saying you see if say you no drink nobody for give you.

The bowl seem lighter but i did care, when i dropped it and opened it lo and behold the nunu had automatically reduced itself drastically.

'Who drank this nunu?, my father shouted.

I started thinking if as i was drinking i had a second mouth which was drinking from the other end.

'I drank only two spoon daddy' i stood shaking.

'So who was with you at home when you drank the two spoons'

'Na devil o,' i screamed blaming that innocent spirit.

'So you have started walking with the devil eh, i would beat that devil from your side'

He pounced on me while i tried running and jumping chairs, i wanted asking him if i was the devil because he was beating me instead of the devil.
**********
'koko that nunu sweet o' i hid behind the door hearing everything my aunty was telling my elder sister.

'You bad o, you come make daddy to dey beat uduak anyhow'.

'So this people think say them fit decieve my brain abi, so them make me to collect beatings for nothing' i taught.

There was no way i could go and report them because i already took their beatings but i knew the right thing to do to them in my own small mind.

I went into my aunty's room and packed all her clothes and took it to the kitchen, i was not seeing where i was going i just kept walking and when i my leg hit a rubber of water i dumped the cloths inside and went my way smiling, part one acomplished.

I then prepare a garri solution and stored two big pepper inside and went outside as if i wanted to drink it.

'Who send you to put garri' my aunty asked.

'Nobody' i replied like a better pikin.

'Oya bring it here and go and sleep'.

I brought it to them with my heart rejoicing that my plan was going according to plan. I left and ran to my room window to watch the super show.

The first spoon my aunty took came out with a red substance, but before my sister tried to show her it was already too late and she started chewing it like a horse. Then her eyes widen with horror as she felt the hot taste of the pepper and screamed.

I was busy laughing in my room at the sight of my handiwork, and she ran into the kitchen to quench the hotness in her mouth and the words she shouted shocked me.

'Uduak you are dead, so you put my clothes inside drinking water'

'Jesus i haff die, so na inside drinking water i go put her cloth'.

I did not wait for the devil to advice me again, i quickly took to my heels out of the house and met chokolo going for a fishing trip, so i followed him.

A trip that almost took my life.

********TO BE CONTINUED******

Clemzy16: I nor even know wetin i go say, buh dis ur story bam diee!


™ƺƔcιεмεηт®

Thank you

Tuaile for u I dey gbadu ur story

Is a nice and entertaining story u hav gor dude.

Everyday problem and wahala

I dey gbadun ur story,nice work

@aprilwise-thanks bro

@perfecter4real-i no go dull una

@daniel2802-naso we see am o

@ninja4life-thanks all the way.

Typing new update....

We went to a river called shandan, it was famous for its catfish which children went to catch, but the disadvantage was that it was fast flowing and could transfer one to the ream of the spirit

After commiting my henious crime, i escape to go and catch fish thinking that if i bring back some fishes my sins would be foprgiven or so i tot.

We got to the river and caught some worms to use as bait for the fishes, chokolo started and he caught three fishes, my body was scratching me and i was eager to catch my own.

'Chokolo give me na' i pleaded.
He handed it over to and without waiting for instructions i flung it in the river and i quickly drew it out.

'Why i no catch anything na' i quered him. He laughed at me and told me to calm down. I threw the hook back in and sat down wating, after a time there was a thug at the end of the string, i was excited and flung it out with all my might.

I took a look at the creature i brought out and tears almost came outta my eyes, while chokolo laughed till he fell on the ground. I had caught a crab.

'Your father, you think say i come here for you to come chop my worm, na God go punish your plenty legs' i cursed with rage.

I threw the crab on the ground and took another worm and fixed on the hook and threw it into the river, i waited again and had another thug.

'If na another crab better carry your yeye mouth comot for my meat o' i warned the river.

I pulled the hook and a fish came out but it fell near the river boundary, i quickly ran to get it, then i felt a sharp pain. The crab i insulted and threw away had caught me under my leg.

'Chineke, i don die o' i cried, and slide with the wet shore surface and i was about landing in the water. I had already seen myself in heaven because i could not swim, i was going to look for micheal jackson in heaven and show him i know how to dance more than him, then something stoped my heaven sourjorn.

'Na who dey stop my missionary journey na'i shouted with my eyes closed.

'if i leave you eh, na water you go drink tire'. That was then i remembered i was not dead yet and i begged him to draw me up.

I took the crab and flung it back to its water place, and took my poor fish home. The slaps i got that day made me caught yellow fever but not before i fetch the drinking water first.
******
'Uduak wetin you dey do with your bag for head?' my elder sister scream jolted me out of sleep.

I had caught yellow fever, a sickness that makes me do many things while sleeping, that day own, i carried my travelling bag on my head and was going out to the palour when my sistet saw me.

My dad thinking that i was going for a witch meeting took me to the palour and took a knife with him.

'Oya confess now or i would cut your pr'ick' i wondered when my pri'ck, witch meeting and knife became one family.

'Make him cut am na, no be him no go get grandchildren' i said in my mind while looking at him solemly.

'Leave am na, na sickness cause am' my mother saved my d!ck. I was allowed to go and sleep, but not without been informed that i was to be taken to mama nurse for treatment, the sound of mama nursr name cured my sickness already.

Mama nurse was a retired nurse who gave injections like she wanted to bore a hole in your bottom, so it was with deep signs of regret i slept that night.

'Good morning mummy and daddy, i don well, my body no hot again' was the first statement i spoke that morning, for me the fear of mama nurse was the beginning of understanding.

'Em dont worry, you would still take the injection'

'Chai my yans'h don red'
We went to the woman's house and knock, i was praying for her to be away, but before my prayer reached gate of heaven she opened the door.

'Ma my son has fever'
'My body just hot o' i corrected with a fresh cold catching me.

'Ok bring him let me prepare the injection for him' the expired nurse said words that sounded like 'bring him in lets put him in detention'.

We sat in the palour waiting for my a'ss sentence, when the old woman came with a long sryinge and two brown bottles. I almost ran outta the door but my mom held me put.

I watched as the concoction was prepared and i was called to come collect the injection. My legs became dry in fear and i forgot how to walk.

'Chei i don die' i screamed as the old witch stabbed my ass the needle. When she was through i could not move my legs, it seems my legs had been amputated.

'Mummy i no get leg again' i screamed with pains and anguish.

They all laughed at me and i was told the chloroquine injection usually numbs ones legs.

My mother carried me on her back like a baby which i enjoyed but i told her that i would never get to come to the nurse place again, a promise i never kept for long.

I went home to meet a goodnews(abi una think say my surname na badluck).

My dad had bought for us children an apkroka(dnt check dic o, it means something that is very rugged or strong) nokia 3310 handest.

Mehn that was my best day ever.

**to be continued**

u are funny i cant stop laughing

emmadiva: u are funny i cant stop laughing

I happy say i make u laff small, tnks for the coment

Typing new update.... Refresh by 11pm

Nokia 3310?? I can remember wen my stewpid uncle bought my dad abi na dash sef a long,heavy,strong,gingatic,troublesome,coffin-like motorola gsm handset abi na table set phone. Na only tin we get frm de man wey don go oyibo land com bak without shilling.

;DChooooi sec sch swit oooo I can remember those days my best frnds & I used 2 finge.r Ugochi,Offiah,Mmeso,Charity etc(many nt mentioned). Rite now,am in my 3rd year in sch, Offiah got belle b4 our waec,mmeso go belle wen I was in my 1st year. Choooi sec sch swit ooo we go put BF 4 dem & dem go shift or comot dia pan.t go 1 side & na fiom fiom fiom tins upon say na private missionary sch. Tank God am 4given by his spirit

The phone was a black big nokia 3310 phoine which made me proud anytime i smuggle it out to go and show my friends, who were eager to see me operate the latest gagdet in town.
******
'Attention, at ease' shouted the commander of the school guide, who were performing during one of our friday socials day.

'Breaking yan'sh' he shouted. And his comrades all fell backwards like logs of wood. We were all in shock because we wondered if their bodies were not made of flesh and blood.

They kept on performing different skills and display to our amazement. I promised to do the same thing if i reach house that day.

'Chokolo make una come see one new style i don learn for school'. They all gathered inside our palour and my sister shouted 'breaking back' and then i fell like a bag of garri on the ground, it seem like i had broken my backbone because my head was in shatters and a ripple of headache caught me.

'Why this people no annouce say don try this at home na' i cried while holding my head while every one were laughing.

At the end of the school year i had taken first again and we were given holidays and we were promoted.

It was announced in church that we would be having our children's day so we were asked to come prepare for that day, we were given drama, choreography and other stuffs.

One of the day i was about going to practice that day with my younger brother and we were about crossing the road. The last thing i remembered was something like a black cloth obstructing my view and then i landed on the other side of the road.

I had been hit and thrown to the other side of the road by an okada(a bike) my head was gnashing blood and my stomach was bleeding. I saw my brother and some people gathered round me and were asking me of my father's number and other stuff.

Then one of my sunday school teacher came at that moment and took me to the general hospital where i was operated on and sticthed.

When i finally woke up i saw most ofthe elders and pastor in our church and i also saw my church crush 'esther', they were all waiting for me to wake up.

When i woke, the amount of delicacies i saw that day made me wish i had gotten accident over and over again, i ate that day till everyone were complaining wether i was truly hospitalise or not.

When i looked in the mirror my two teeth had been broken which made me sad but i had no choice.

Some women came to visit me after i was discharge from the hospital and esther and her mother were there, they asked me to show them which side i was wounded and i showed even esther came to look at my inner recess.

'If i catch this girl eh, i go wire her' or so i tot.
***********
'My wife i would buy you houses and cars and clothes etc' i said when the chidren's day reach, we were acting a drama with a girl who was my wife in the drama. A wife taller than her husband.

I kept on making empty promises and scoping her when i got a heart attack and the devil started calling me. The most funniest thing was that mr devil was an albino named bright, i wondered if devil was proud to be an albino.

We also performed songs, cultural dance and other stuffs which enabled me to recieve a gift of biscuit in my pocket after recieting psm 119 from 1 to 100.

Finally transfer came again and we left nasarawa state to go into the city of sin-benue state where the real action from my introduction starts.

We waived our freinds, neigbhours and others goodbye. I would miss them all; solomon, bright the albino, amaka my classmate, chokolo my best friend and others. I had totally forgot about my jos friends and when i had started feeling at home in akwanga.

Then i knew that no place we go to was permanent, we were only on a sourjorn to minister in places we are sent to.

I waived goodbye to the village that was now becoming a suitable environment for me, i even started missing aunty PHE sef. To this day i always smile anytime i remember her.

Now to my real adventure.

****END OF PART TWO*****

wisdom-w:
Nokia 3310?? I can remember wen my stewpid uncle bought my dad abi na dash sef a long,heavy,strong,gingatic,troublesome,coffin-like motorola gsm handset abi na table set phone. Na only tin we get frm de man wey don go oyibo land com bak without shilling.

Lol u get bad mouth o

wisdom-w:
;DChooooi sec sch swit oooo I can remember those days my best frnds & I used 2 finge.r Ugochi,Offiah,Mmeso,Charity etc(many nt mentioned). Rite now,am in my 3rd year in sch, Offiah got belle b4 our waec,mmeso go belle wen I was in my 1st year. Choooi sec sch swit ooo we go put BF 4 dem & dem go shift or comot dia pan.t go 1 side & na fiom fiom fiom tins upon say na private missionary sch. Tank God am 4given by his spirit

Na which skul u dey nw sef. But u na experience badoo

Make i go visit my 2go pals after 1 week of nairalanding. See u all tomoro

Weldon rocky, a nice job

The rock5555:

Na which skul u dey nw sef. But u na experience badoo

guy I dey Fedpolynek ooo. Am studying banking & finance

The rock5555: Make i go visit my 2go pals after 1 week of nairalanding. See u all tomoro

guy add me on 2go wit WIZBOY1992 or ping me @ 21ACC2B4

Thanks to all of you for followin and for the support. Part three coming up later...

Firstgentleman1: Are u trying to say he has ye*ri*ma's DNA flowing in him?

Hehehe.....Wel........I dinna say anyfin oo.

The rock5555:

LMAO make that man catch una 1st

Boya is me dar sae t.U'll tel me:/

Φk♠γ̲̣̣̥., now this is something different! Highly hilarious, the last time I laughed like this because of a NL story was because of one of foxy uncompleted stories . No pun intended .. Carry dey go jhur!

chistar01: Φk♠γ̲̣̣̥., now this is something different! Highly hilarious, the last time I laughed like this because of a NL story was because of one of foxy uncompleted stories . No pun intended .. Carry dey go jhur!

chai chistar don coment for my thread *dancing personally* thanks sir, i no go leave una for uncompleted story like foxy. The lord na my witness

I don miss plenty yarn o. Wia i wan start sef. Legoo

So, nw na Benue tinz. Make i pack my load jare. Wait 4 me abeg.