Wake up nd update 0h

Daniel2802: Wake up nd update 0h

(In hausa man's voice)Good morning fifle

Where this man wey be say na only ronaldinho wing e sabi play na? Do cum update o.

'Garki, Mararaba, one man village e.t.c', were some of the places conductors were busy shouting and dragging passengers to their various buses.

We entered a bus to Garki and then took a bike to my uncle's place who was working as an executive in a construction company.

The lived in a self contain compound with a fence round the houses, when i saw my uncle's wife i could not believe my eyes she was as fat as an elephant, but that was the same lady that was as slim as a HIV victim during their wedding, it was when i saw her finishing a tin of powered milk in two days i belived'marriage good o' i concluded.

My normal routine in the house was going on errands for my aunty, eating, washing dishes and watching movies. I had no one to play with because every couple in that estate were either newly married or had little babies or kids.

All that changed when our next door neighbours brought a boy from the village as a househelp his name was Chigozie.

Finally i had found someone to play with and i begged my uncle who bought us a rubber football the type that could break ones fingers if kicked with the toes but we did not care.

One day chigozie shot the ball which i dodged and it smashed on the wall and broke, i was sad but he told me not to worry that we should go to his house and get money to buy a new ball, i followed him to their sitting room while he went inside the room, the house was empty and we were the only ones around, after about two minutes he called me to come to the room, i asked him whhat the problem was but he said i should come see for myself.

What i saw turned my legs to jelly and my throat dried the only word i could muster was 'i don die'. Chigozie was nakked with his dkkk standing erect.
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'Oya wake up go bath make we go church'
I looked at the time and it was 3:45am.
I started wondering if my uncle was an olumba olumba member that he wanted going to church by that early morning.

We finished preparing for church by 4:30am and he started driving to church.

We drove until i was wondering if my uncle was fellowshiping in a church in another state. The skyscrappers i saw that day made jos look like a village to me, we finally reach his church and my mouth was open like i got struck with parkinson disease.

'Mehn this church fine o' i starmarred. To say the church was fine was an understatement, it was a master piece, i saw cars like people, it was so much i wondered if somebody can know his car if he comes back from the church service.

I looked at the name of the church again and saw Family Worship Center. I was just looking around and walking like i came from village.

My uncle was an usher in the church so he left us and went to his duty post while my mother and his wife went to drop her baby in the day care department because babies or children were not allowed into the main church, a mother would drop her child and collect a card number so that if the child is crying without rest maybe from hunger the child number would show in the main church and the mother whose number was shown on the screen would go and take care of the child and come back.

I was left alone and started turning round confused on where to go when i saw somebody that looked like Ngozi(i mentioned her in my Jos episode) so i ran out to her side.

'Ngozi long time'
She turned and i realised my mistake, i wanted turning back when i heard the most angelic ajebo voice that could put Ngozi to shame.

'Its alright, my name is peace and you?'
'My name na, no my name is peter'i quickly change my language also to queens english.

'Ok am going to my class can we go together' she spoke again, i quickly shook my head and we went together, i avoided looking around too much to spoil my swags.

'I must kiss this girl like Ngozizl i told myself, thinking like it was an easy thing to go around kissing girls.

When we got to our class i was looking like black sheep in a white mass of land, every body were putting on either suits, jeans, chinos, sneakers etc, bu when i looked at myself i regreted why my father sew the cloth for me, i was putting on a black caftan and one God forsaken fulani shoes, i felt like crying that moment.

I sat down and the service continued till testimony time, and the aunty told everyone that they must give a testimony each, everyone started their sweet tales of her God gave their father money to buy them clothes, barbie dolls etc and when it was peace turn she said God had made her father buy her a ticket to paris, i was like wow,wow,wow.

'so na wetin i go come talk now in other not to fall my hands'i taugt sadly, until it got to my turn and i got up with my head empt of any ideas.

'Praise the lord'

'Haleluya'

'My testimony for this week is that....' i looked nervously until i said the one thing that entered my brain.

*To Be Continued*

Cavalli: Where this man wey be say na only ronaldinho wing e sabi play na? Do cum update o.

Lol. I been don type finish to post na one id'iot come cancel the thing. I nearly comit murder today sef

Since i don waste time today make i begin go start typing anoda update ASAP

Dis tory dey swit me die.

*Pass me that popcorn and redds vodka joor.*

I have seen this 1.am waiting 4 the next update.

Daniel2802: I have seen this 1.am waiting 4 the next update.

Why are u waiting outside. Cum in and join me na.

Firstgentleman1: Why are u waiting outside. Cum in and join me na.

U talk well mr brudah

"Praise the lord"

"Haleluya"

"The lord provided my uncle money to buy me a football from USA" i didnt lie, my USA is United State of Abuja.

They all clapped for me and my big head grew bigger with pride.

Then the preaching started and an altar call was gave, and the aunty said that if we want to be baptise by the Holy Ghost we should come out, the first person to come out was peace, on seeing her i quickly got up also and join them.

Our group was taken outside the door and the scripture was read and we started praying.

"If you start praying you would be touched by the holy spirit and would start speaking in tounges" the aunty said.

"Na which kind gift of tounges person go speak sef"

Everyone had started praying and i heard peace speaking the language of her grandpa or so i tot.

I did not want to fall my hands so i started speaking gibbrish; asatokomalepa, shindararararara, okotoshipa. I kept on singing, sorry prayer with half of my eyes looking at peace beautiful lips praying.

After the service she helped me to locate our car and i knew from her that her dad works in central bank and she was going to Paris for vacation.

It hurt that any big babe God give me she is always going abroad why i no dey go abroad na, i lamented.

I promised myself to toast her if i reach house that day because that evening was my uncle' child naming ceremony and her family were invited, a move i regreted.
We played around until it was time for closing.

My uncle took us to many places for sight seeing, he even took us through the first gate but did not go further to avoid stories that touch, we took abend and he showed us the vice president living quaters, then it was oga obj and atiku that were @ the top.

We later went to parks, mr biggs etc and my uncle bought snacks and drinks for his occassion in the evening.
***************************

That evening i put on my best house cloth and awaited the guest arrivals, the ceremony started and i had not yet seen peace, when it came to item seven on the list, i sighted her at the back and i wanted going there but at that moment my mum dragged my hand that we should go and serve guests the food.

While serving i saw peace and gave her the most plentiest food i had on my tray and winked at her hoping she got the message.

After everything i went in search of her but she was nowhere to be found but her parents were still around. So i went to the backyard and what i saw made me hate girls more(temporary sha).

I cried myself to sleep that night.

The rest of my stay in Abuja was not that eventful and finally it was time to go back. I had already grown fond of the place and enjoyment was at its fullest.

We went back to Akw with lots of gifts from both Family Worship Center and my uncle and neighbours.
**************************

'If you see big buildings you go fear' i bragged when my siblings and neighbours came to hear my holiday gist, i told them all the juicy details and even showed them evidence with my shoes that brought out red lights and i also showed my new ball the kind that air is filled in before closing it and playing.

Before i said jack robinson the ball had been hit from my hand and was being kicked around and played by everyone, i quickly joined in the game.

When we were playing chokolo fired a heavenly shot which went directly into a neighbours compound, after scaling the fence we searched for the ball and saw it hook inside their well. All efforts to remove it proved abortive and we all went home dejected. That was how i came back and jam problem.

But no problem was worse than the two parts of stories i told no-one; chigozie's case and peace kasala.

"nice story...but wetin happen btw u wit dem chigozie nd peace??!"

I'M CURIOUS O!


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How u small pikin wan take toast that tym sef? Wetin dey ur small mind wey u wan tell am? I wonda as ur mata go be nw wey u don dey shoot akamu comot 4 ur sakabula sef.

Clemzy16: "nice story...but wetin happen btw u wit dem chigozie nd peace??!"

I'M CURIOUS O!


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Make ur blud no hot o, na im i wan talk next

Firstgentleman1: How u small pikin wan take toast that tym sef? Wetin dey ur small mind wey u wan tell am? I wonda as ur mata go be nw wey u don dey shoot akamu comot 4 ur sakabula sef.

, i no sure weda u be gentleman again

Na wentin peace d0 u na?

You are funny. Keep it up bro

The rock5555:

, i no sure weda u be gentleman again

I gree. . Just do cum nack person tory.

Daniel2802: Na wentin peace d0 u na?

When you read am u go knw

gameboy727: You are funny. Keep it up bro

Thanks man

Update coming up

Back to my previous episode.....

When Chigozie called me to his room i saw him na'ked with his dkk standing tall, i could not run and the only word i could mutter was i don die.

My legs could not move, while my brain was shouting run, run, run. Before i could do what my brain was saying, he dragged me to the bed and turned me over with my a'ss facing up, he ripped out my shorts the next thought that came to my mind was 'God na so my yans'h go tear'.

My mom who had been observing us while playing ball saw me as i entered my neighbours room and when she waited awhile and i had not come out she taught i went to eat in my neighbours house so she shouted my name to come out.

Chigozie was about inserting his dkk in my as's when i heard my name called by my mother, chigozie quickly left me and i ran out. That was how my as's was saved that day.
****************************

when i saw peace that day and gave her food i quickly ran to drop the tray and come back for her but she was gone, i went to our backyard and i saw no other person than Chigozie kissing peace, i felt like kicking Chigozie in the balls but i reduced my anger and left them, that was the last i saw her until she went to paris for her holidays.
*****************************
Year-2005
Class-Jss 1

Finally i had becoming a secondary school student with alot of freedom or so i tot, after gaining admission into a government school i went with my dad with my locker on my head and my brooms, cutlass etc.

I saw a woman with a school uniform and her son was carring her desk on his head, with suprise i said too loud.

'So mama dey go school and pikin dey stay for house'

'The woman looked at me with bad eye and i boned like i was not the one that say it'.

After the registration aspect i went to my class and my secondary school life started one a good note and bad note.

The good note was the first teacher told us to open our books and read a passage, every body started reading and when a difficult sentence was reached they all kept quiet and were expecting the teacher to help when a small voice kept on reading till the end without mistake.

When i was through all eyes were on me including the teacher and a was nicknamed william shakespear because i could break down grammar like a professor without failing. The whole class claped for me and i saw a girl at the backrow winking at me.

'Mehn this school aint bad atall' i said silently, but i had not seen trouble yet.

After a long time without any teacher which is a normal thing in public schools i slept on the desk and started dreaming my most favourite dream; marrying a white woman.

In the dream i was doing my marraige ceremony with a Britney spears look alike and we were about cutting the cake and feeding it to her when my best man gave me a hot slap on my back, i was angry and slapped him hard on his face and said God punish you.

The second slap i got from my best man woke me up from fantasy land, i had just slaped my head boy.

'So you are not afraid, first you refuse to greet me when i came to the class, secondly when i slaped you to wake up you slapped me and cursed me, oya comot now' he shouted.

That was then i realised that my bestman had been my head boy.

'Senior abeg na dream cause am' i begged with tears coming down my cheeks.

'When am through with you today you would forget how to dream'.

He dragged my shirt outside and told me to lie down under the hot sun, luckily for me the girl that winked at me was the head boy's girlfriend so she begged him and he agreed and gave me five hot strokes before warning to stop sleeping in class. Since that day my eyes are always like florescent bulb in class.

I wondered why my first day at school always bring me problem, but my problem that day was far from over.

My last lessons that day was P.H.E and it was taken by a female teacher, the aunty likes sitting down while teaching and her legs are always open, on that fateful day she came and sat on my desk with her legs wild open in my face as if inviting me to eat her.

My brain was losing focus at the sight i saw, her pants went one side and i could she her cl'it, my young man was almost tearing my trousers as if he was screaming for action, she finished teaching and ask a question pointing at me, she claim that i was nearest to her so i should have an idea of the answer.

My big mouthed dkk thinking problem put me in a whole bucket of s'hit that day,

*****To Be Continued*****

Ur teacher dy teach u,u dy dia dy l00k pant eh?

Lol nice work,hope dat teacher no see ur erect d.ck o

Omo See Gobe. Bros shey wahala na ur middle name.

Btw, chigozie na bi-sexual...u beta run for ur life wen nxt u see dat dude o!

obviously ur next update is going to be mind blowing. Can't wait!


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Daniel2802: Ur teacher dy teach u,u dy dia dy l00k pant eh?

Na my fault? Abi if u were in my pant wat would u do

ninja4life: Lol nice work,hope dat teacher no see ur erect d.ck o

Aaaaaaammmmmmmeeeeeeennnnn

Clemzy16: Omo See Gobe. Bros shey wahala na ur middle name.

Btw, chigozie na bi-sexual...u beta run for ur life wen nxt u see dat dude o!

obviously ur next update is going to be mind blowing. Can't wait!


™ƺƔcιεмεηт®

Wahala my my nick name sef

Typing new update.......

Good morning o. I woke up late 2day o.

'you stand up and answer my question, what is gymnastics' she fired at me.

What came to my mind was to say gymnastics is when you raise your legs and strecth them them let people see whats under your skirt, but i dare not say it if i dont want my mouth to be used for chewing.

'My friend get up and answer my question'

'Ma i dont know' i stand with my pole pulling my trousers at 180 degrees centigrate.

She looked at me and noticed my tent, i was expecting her to ask me a Jamb question which she did.

'What is in your trousers'

'Ma its pencil o'

'So you are putting pencil in your trouser abi, whats the meaning of that'

'Ma na mistake o'

'See me after school' she said last and then went out of my class.

'Na wetin you do this woman' a black looking ball called solomon asked me.

'I dont know'

'I hear say the woman sabi flog wella'

' my yan'sh don red be that' i said half heartedly wishing i could just rewind back and change seat the time she came and sat on my desk.

The rest of the day went uneventful except during hausa lesson that i sat like a zombie thinking because i knew nothing in hausa then suddenly she asked me a question in hausa again.

'Na every teacher go dey ask me question, abi na only me sabi book' oops i had spoken out loudly to everyones hearing, that was how i landed the whole class inside another trouble.

'Oya dukan ku bring all of your books outside we are writting test' she odered everybody.

I sat down miserably on my desk waiting to get zero when a hand touch me at my back.

I turned to see the black boy solomon looking at me with concern in his eyes, i ignored him and face front.

'Guy you no go write test'

'I no sabi hausa na wetin you want make i write'

'oya bring your paper' he collected my empty sheet and wrote everything for me.

When we submitted the aunty who had eyes on me mark my script and she saw that i got it all, she was suprised and said, so ou know hausa like this.

'Yes ma'

'Class get up and clap for this boy'

My head was swimming in euphoria and i looked at solomon and nodded my head in appreciation to him, he just smiled. I had totally forgot about the PHE aunty.

Finally it was the last period and it was english language, my favourite, the teacher was teaching a comprehenshion passage and we were given the questions to answer as class work, before five minutes i was through with mine and i was waiting for the sluggards hausa kids to finish writing theirs.

A hand touch me at my back and i angryly shouted;
'Na who be that'. The teacher heard my voice and walk to my side and asked me what the problem was i told him somebody was disturbing me at my back.

'So you were touching him to give you answer abi' the teacher told a student,

i turned to see who was that and it turned out to be my hausa saviour solomon.

'So this boy no sabi english' i felt angry at myself for mexposimg him. The teacher was now standing by his side waiting for him to write something. I had to think fast.

'Sir its like someone is lookin for you outside', the teacher quickly went outside and i exchanged my paper with solomon's own,an d started writing.

'Where is the person that was calling me'

'Sorry sir maybe its a farmer'

He went back to solomon seat and miraculously solomon was through already, he could not believe his eyes he just kept quiet.

When we were through we quickly exchange our paper and went to submit.

At the end of school he came and met me and in itroduce himself as solomon sunday and i told him mine and we shook hands and went away.

That was when i remembered madam gymnastics, i ran to the staff room with my heart pounding and i saw her with two other teachers left, she told me to sit opposite her and wait till she was through, that moment she opened her legs again and i saw another wonders; she was not wearing panties again, i broke into a sweat, my head was processing and storing the various images for further usage and my dkk was struggling to catch a glimpse of the action but my zipper was pressing its head.

Finally the other teachers were through and left and me and madam PHE were left in the staffroom.

Come i sit down by my side she odered and my brain went into full collabo.....

*******To Be Continued********

Firstgentleman1: Good morning o. I woke up late 2day o.

dnt worry its beta late than neva