Getting Married As An Undergraduate - Family (12) - Nairaland
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| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by jumbotron: 5:44am On Sep 26, 2013 |
This is the long epistle writer (Morning!) My advise to the OP was to get her education and some life experiences as a single woman(getting to know what makes her tick outside the confines of being a student, supporting herself...that sort of stuff) as stated in the response earlier. however, this might not be the path she wants to tow. Not even speaking from a grass is greener perspective because I did not get this chance, but from a "times are different now" you need this. Once again, it was my advise( which I understand is worth () that much), let us learn to critique without getting defensive. A total stranger should not make you feel uneasy about your life choices after all, they do not know anything about your background and your wants. I just understand that if she felt the need to put this very private matter out there, she might be having strong second thoughts. Once again, your opinion, my opinion...they can and should differ. I have been in this marriage thing for a good bit, I just wanted to share a slightly older person's perspective (which tends to be epistley). :-) 7 Likes |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by ify84(m): 7:26am On Sep 26, 2013 |
byvan married early and had fun... jumbotron married early and had fun with a but attached, so she will not advice her daughter or sister to toe her line... y do dos against early marriage b insulting byvan for have a blessed union and commending jumbo...for having not so much blessedness cos she did it early... d bottom line has remain... if my daughter is as multi tasking and strong as byvan I will advice her to marry at 20+, if she is not as strong as jumbo... I will advice her to wait till 28... dats all... but think of it o...if my daughter is 29 and still in 200l, will I advice her not to marry... I had classmates who graduated at 31... she didn't gain admission early... |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by smokeydrinky: 7:38am On Sep 26, 2013 |
lol the beefs...... makes it look like its a bad tin to marry earlly and enjoy it . iz all good  |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by semmypat: 7:54am On Sep 26, 2013 |
mamalette: Thanks Byvan. At wht age did u get married? And how did you cope with pregnancy?. My question since U̶̲̥̅̊ guys are not staying i̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ †ђξ same state S̶̲̥̅Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ y does he want marriage!. Can't he J̲U̶̲̅§τ̲̅ wait till U̶̲̥̅̊ are i̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ 400 level S̶̲̥̅Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ that as U̶̲̥̅̊ are graduating U̶̲̥̅̊ are moving into his aose 1 Like |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by jumbotron: 8:52am On Sep 26, 2013 |
Naija people and comprehension. This is a really touchy subject. Ify84, the insults are not because anyone married early...both parties are not even listening to each other. Byvan gave her point of view and it was unfairly attacked, those against gave their point of view and it was also attacked. Both parties threw insults and here we are! Classic case of defensive arguing for no reason. Saying do not marry in school does not mean those that did it are silly or unfortunate. Lord, it's just a point of view and those disagreeing can do so as well. There is just a bunch of insecurity showing on this thread from both sides and that is not such a bad thing, if we quit insulting each other. This is a great forum for discussion but its painful to watch people demean others PoV. I hope my post did not offend anyone. If it did, my apologies. 2 Likes |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by DollyParton1(f): 8:54am On Sep 26, 2013 |
ify84: byvan married early and had fun... So because Jumbo advised against it means she dint enjoy it. Try to comprehend at least. 3 Likes |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by ceejayluv(m): 10:02am On Sep 26, 2013 |
byvan: Wu zetian,weren't you the lady that asked why a 23yrs old would get married??its obvious a man haven't loved you yet,pray that you encounter it in your life....with your existing intelligence,shouldn't you know why young people get married?because they want a life together!!!i don't know what marriage is to you but is something you can't just do with anyone.People should marry at whatever age they find the "ONE",if you find it early,so be it.As for your question,let your existent intelligence answer it for you.KO!!! on a serious note, marriage mustn't stop one from achieving his/her aims in life especially when the partner is fully supportive. Majority of single young students are actually whiling away time in school and still graduate with 3rd class. Why are some peeps posting as if they've not seen enviable marriages. Marriages that the couple even enjoy themselves more than when they were single? for God's sake marriage mustn't be bondage. anybody that is ready to get married should go ahead because whatever you will face as a young bride you'll still face as an older, more "mature" ( whatever that means) wife. 3 Likes |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by beauty4(f): 10:11am On Sep 26, 2013 |
@all, i really believe "giving ones opinion isn't a bad idea" people are giving different opinions, why turn it into a war zone? Personally, i love early marriage for those that are matured in all ways. getting married to the right person early is better in so many ways. (Mind you i married in my late 20s). My mum got married at 20 and all her colleagues that were so much into career then now envy her.(though it wasn't easy combining child bearing and education but grandma was there for her as they were in same town while dad was always coming home every weekend.) she gave birth to 2 of us while in school. and was pregnant during NYSC for the 3rd. she still graduated with a 2-1. At 48, her 4 kids were all graduates and 2 of us are married now. they all envy her now cos some of their children are still in secondary school, some eventually married the available. i also remember a lady that finished from Maths Computer science in my school with a 1st class and 2 kids. she was happy she took the decision when she did. if OP thinks she has all it takes to overcome any kind of situation, and her man is a very caring, loving and understanding man, i think she will not regret taking the decision. but if she wants to take the decision to keep her man, then, there may be trouble cos a man that will stay with you will do so in all weather. Please all, lets handle matters without taking things too personally. 10 Likes |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by addictiv(m): 10:51am On Sep 26, 2013 |
depends on what floats your boat.....i would prefer she finishes with school first....and then settle cos getting marriage isnt a competition that you just rush to jump in..... 2 Likes |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by ify84(m): 12:11pm On Sep 26, 2013 |
Dolly-Parton: I have said something else and dix my Madame at d top has said another thing... I now see reason with nscdc shem... I didn't say categorically dat she didn't enjoy it... infact I said she had fun as she told us in her first post... I simply said perhaps, she had one or two little challenge cos she married early which will make her never to advice anyone to marry in school... |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by nitaxy: 12:32pm On Sep 26, 2013 |
beauty Ah, greet your mum for me, she has a fan. Her story is very similar to mine. I married at 20 too and my friends dint wait till later to start envying me- they already do lol |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by uchetobi(f): 2:24pm On Sep 26, 2013 |
I'm married, the unmarried ones are envying me I have kids, the ones without are envying me I had normal delivery the ones that had cs are envying me God really need to deliver a lot of Nigerian women from these mentality! Life is not a competition and believe it or not some people's life do not revolve around answering 'Mrs' Neither is it a competition of whose children got into sec school first or got married first! Jeez Its not a race or 'first/ winner takes all' I was at the gym in 2009 and two women got into a fight and the next thing we heard was 'that's why you are not married' shuooooo! Marriage don turn badge..the other woman she was abusing was even married, she just doesnt wear her ring to exercise Coming from someone happily married for almost two years and still in a honeymoon phase self! Breathe in and out...your unmarried friends are not coveting your life....even the bible says it in ecclesiastics..there is time and a season for everything. The fact that their time hasn't come yet doesn't mean they envy u or covet ur life or that you are even better than them 10 Likes |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by pickabeau1: 2:49pm On Sep 26, 2013 |
^^^ hahahahaha.. Very funny and true What of I have 4 kids.. You have 1.. 4 Likes |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by DollyParton1(f): 4:50pm On Sep 26, 2013 |
uchetobi: I'm married, the unmarried ones are envying me No homo, but I love you scatter... Really some mothers are doing it wrong. My mum used to say, if you don't have it yet, its means its not your time. Why should I envy what you have. That has always worked for me. Each time I go through those different posts of "they envy me,bla bla bla", I can't but shake my head. I wonder who are the loosers envying them, or its just in the head of the Mrs-I-married-early, because they think they are superior to their mates/friends not yet married. I'll always say it, an average Nigerian woman has been wired to think been married is the ultimate thing. Until this setting has been distorted, I sorry sorry sorry for the next generation of women o.. 7 Likes |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by pickabeau1: 4:53pm On Sep 26, 2013 |
Truly it was a nice debate but when the statement envy this envy that came up It descended into comedy men are busy crying on the realities of hustling to provide and getting a home for them and their own while women trade baseball cards of who has the oldest kid or married first? Comedy indeed... 6 Likes |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by Nobody: 5:44pm On Sep 26, 2013 |
Hahahahaha  ^^ comedy indeed, but you blame them? The supposed family section 'mighty warriors' have been mimicry deluded into same 'comedy' tete so why is this new to you bb? Leave them be jare let the trend continue 'your kids are young because you married old' like there's a medal for it. ( who talks like that??) I was dumbfounded when that statement was shot. Fôôlish lot.That being said, I'll support my kids marrying at 23 if that's what they want... they don't have to follow my 'self contentment' footsteps Phew!..Oh well I'm done making fun of myself..Self deprecating humor beats your opponent to the punch, leaving them with little or no more ammunition.Back to work .  |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by Nobody: 6:15pm On Sep 26, 2013 |
Dolly-Parton: That is my biggest concern. If they just die with this mentality, I wouldn't give a sh1t. My own is passing it on to their daughters and the 'deadly' cycle continues. *sigh* |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by addictiv(m): 6:37pm On Sep 26, 2013 |
early marriage is cool, i myself i would toe the line but.....people should understand that marriage is not something you just get into because everyone else is doing it.....imagine a situation where i have gone through primary and secondary education and i am barely through with tertiary and everyone begins asking when would you marry and people begin scouting for a prospective partner for you...people should not be pressured into marriage that you married at 18 does not mean its ideal for everyone to marry at 18.....i know of a rtd army general who never wanted to get married for reasons best known to him and just fathered children with a lady and he is taking good care of them....like i said its knowing what you want to achieve in life and doing what floats your boat |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by pickabeau1: 7:04pm On Sep 26, 2013 |
@jidegirl excellent points... As much as we agree that maturity is not always a function of age, it is highly dependent on the sum of one;s experiences and age is one of the most common indicators of experience The fact is that it is good to have a backup in life cos the loving connoisseur today maybe the same person that may spit you out because the wine has lost taste. in the old days, women had their farms to provide sustenance Nowadays its mostly education or a business If u want to do business, you still have to be sharp// No man will continually coddle and invest capital in a woman who due to lack of knowhow squanders funds However to each his own |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by RoyalRoy(m): 7:22pm On Sep 26, 2013 |
ileobatojo: If you find any post offensive, you have the report button available for use. The mods are not working on nairaland for a living. Use the report button next time!! |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by Nobody: 7:23pm On Sep 26, 2013 |
There's too much envy and competition in this part of the world, in whatever u do.and also it's take a fvvl to compare their lives to others... There's no perfect home or marriage out there... Be it single or getting married early or late... So single peeps envy no one , no matter how the married ones or successful ones try to make it look they av heaven on earth... All na Scripts! 6 Likes |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by Nobody: 7:25pm On Sep 26, 2013 |
Seems most people are misunderstanding Wu Zetian in this whole arguement. Her question was, will you give out your 23 year old daughter who is in her 2nd year in school out in marriage? No one said getting married at 23 is too early but the emphasis is on her level in school. It's not like 23 years is too old for marriage so, why the rush? Why putting yourself into extra stress when you can avoid it? Heck! if my daughter is done with uni at 20 and a man comes knocking I'd gladly give her out. 1 Like |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by Nobody: 7:34pm On Sep 26, 2013 |
Royal Roy: Bwahahaha! Why are you screaming in red font? |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by nikkygal(f): 7:41pm On Sep 26, 2013 |
uchetobi: I'm married, the unmarried ones are envying me Gbam!!! +1000 I just tire for all these women. . . . There's no competition in this life because it's not a winner takes all situation. So because you married early your mates are jealous or becaude you have kids, then they are envious? Come-freaking-on!!! These women need to get over themselves already! There are lots of women who even though are married with kids have other things going for them. It's people like you that make women who are still TTC feel worthless and want to commit suicide because you use every opportunity to humiliate & oppress 'waiting' women! On the flip side, a lot of them suffer huge inferiority complex when they're in the midst of working class upwardly mobile women who are at the top of their game in their career. . . We kuku dey see plenty of them **shior** Abeg live and let live!!! Let everyone make their choices. Women need to drop this 'Marriage is the apex' mentality and stop being so competitive about kids, spouses ..they are God's gifts so take it as a privilege to be in that position. . Nuff respect for women still waiting on the Lord for Kids and their Mr Right. . . From your mouth to God's ears...**Amen** Dolly-P, Baybe & Wu-zetian.....good job! 8 Likes |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by DollyParton1(f): 9:08pm On Sep 26, 2013 |
pickabeau1: ^^^ hahahahaha.. Very funny and true Funny enough, someone used the "I have two boys and you have 1 boy only" line on my mom during a misunderstanding. She always laugh everytime she remembers that. |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by nikkygal(f): 9:29pm On Sep 26, 2013 |
Dolly-Parton: You can imagine such 'mumuism'  So having 2boys has now become an accomplishment abi? Even if they end up being gabbros tomorrow, it doesn't matter :d Very narrow-minded mentality. . . . **shior**  1 Like |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by vivianc(f): 9:37pm On Sep 26, 2013 |
Ok, op, let's analyse the situation from all angles. First:::::::::: You are still in 200L, with no form of vocational skills and still a dependant, especially financially. Well, you can get married, even tho you are young. Its not easy but its possible. Now according to Byvan, this path is capital intensive. For it to work very well, your husband must make sure you get all the comfort you need. So what if your husband to be cannot afford these comfortability, like Byvan's? Byvan was mobile as a student, can your husband to be afford a car for you? Second angle;;;;;;;; Let's assume he can for now. What about tomorrow? What if he gets a financial set back while you are still in school, maybe with kids? Yea, God forbid! I know but life is full of uncertainties, we just have to appraise all aspect of these uncertainties. So what happens if this happens? You could watch your dreams and career go down the drain you know? What if your marriage doesn't survive it? Have you considered how resentful you might become? Your lives could change in the way you never dreamed of. If you marry this man now, what are your contingency plans? Are you prepared for all contingencies? You have to face it my dear, and after you have considered all these truthfully, take your decision. It is your life, it is your call! 3 Likes |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by Nobody: 9:37pm On Sep 26, 2013 |
nikkygal: Are you for real right now?? * shudders** Evil people abound. Jeezz Get me outta here pls! |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by nikkygal(f): 9:48pm On Sep 26, 2013 |
jidegirl12: **Madam jyde na typo oh** I wanted to write 'agbero' and I hope you know I was being sarcastic?  Bottomline is women need to get with the program on all these un-necessary my bosoms are bigger than yours mentality. It reeks of a strong sense of insecurity and jealousy. Am out of this thread! |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by baby124: 10:00pm On Sep 26, 2013 |
OP, At the end of the day, it is your call. Being 23 in 200L is quite mature vs a 17yr old in 200L. Hopefully you can make the best decision for yourself. However, dont rush. There is more to life than the ring. There is so much more to see, do and enjoy before settling down. If he loves you he would wait, trust me. If he cant, then he better have all the comforts you desire. Where light will not go, and if it goes automatic gen will kick in. Without you hustling to find petrol. If the guy is not that loaded, you better finish school, get a job and then get married. |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by damiso(f): 11:49pm On Sep 26, 2013 |
OP look at who YOU are and see if it would work for YOU.There is no point going on about all the pros and cons (like most things in life)as so many people have broken them down on this thread. BUT one mindset you should not go into it with is: If this one goes, will I get another suitor? very shaky foundation to build a marriage on.By all means go ahead if this is the person you see yourself building your life with and not as an escape route or as a panic buy (you know that feeling of I need to buy this shoes what if the designer discontinues it).Marriage is not a badge.It goes alot further than filling in married when asked for Marital status. I don't think I could have coped with marriage in my 2nd year of university (but then I was 18 so entirely diff story) by 23 I was already working so its very subjective(though my Dad still felt I was a baby back then  ).Its all down to the individual and takes mental strength to cope with..I have friends who got married early, some are doing so well in their marriages and two are divorced.As long as you are going in with the right mindset it all good.For all those talking about juggling, life itself is a juggle ojere.I have gone back to school,run a business, have two kids under 5 with no live in domestic help and I did not get married relatively early or before finishing my first degree.Juggling kids and a hectic career aint so easy either.So at one point or the other in life you have to juggle.Some have the capacity at 20, some in their 30's.Some people have traveled the world and sown all the wild oats they want to sow at 21, some are not even started at 30.I feel my life now is relatively boring but I really dont feel like I am missing out on anything spectacular (ok my sleep ;Dthat one I want back) cos been there done that.Life is really never black and white and like alot of things,it all boils down to the individual. 1 Like |
| Re: Getting Married As An Undergraduate by Nobody: 12:00am On Sep 27, 2013 |
ileobatojo:lol! Bc to be a new mod especially in family section no easy. And Tgal said she will be out for a short period. Sorry on his behalf. |
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