I believe OP will be weighing her options or have decided ,she knows what's best for her.I sincerely wish you best of luck in whatever decision you make OP

byvan: Wu zetian,weren't you the lady that asked why a 23yrs old would get married??its obvious a man haven't loved you yet,pray that you encounter it in your life....with your existing intelligence,shouldn't you know why young people get married?because they want a life together!!!i don't know what marriage is to you but is something you can't just do with anyone.People should marry at whatever age they find the "ONE",if you find it early,so be it.As for your question,let your existent intelligence answer it for you.

I believe love is not only the factor makes a marriage work. Finance, maturity, selflessness, same goals, also play a major role in a good marriage.

I do not advocate one staying in a bullsh1t union in order to appear married to the society.

My worth is not defined by a man neither should that of your daughters.

The height of immaturity that you have displayed on this thread alone is very scary and I really do hope you get help in order to teach your girls that the Mrs degree is not what their lives should revolve around.

Wu Zetian:
I explicitly statesd that this hypothetical daughter of yours is a sophomore in college, My biggest problem with telling her to go ahead is because she has no financial independence.

Answer the question based on the conditions I gave, not at a more convenient way to support your stance. The op isn't a phd student, is she??

my answer remain unchanged.

if my daughter wants to get married at that stage, as a parent, i ll sit her down and talk to her about the pros and cons but the final decision is hers. heck, she is a .full fledged adult and don't need my consent to validate her marriage anyways.

financial independence....oh well..i always laugh when i hear people especially ple with big dreams and the qualities to make dem realities talk about being a liability to their husbands. for God sake if you are an asset, you are an asset and the fact that you ain't making money for the timebeing doesn't deppreciate ur value. some ladies enrich the lives of their husbands in so many ways even though they ain't earning. financial independence entails fund management and allocation of assets., it goes beyond raw cash. so yes, my 23 yr old jewelled asset is very free to marry

@Byvan, why flog a dead horse? Have you not heard? we married as undergrads because we were wretched and knocked up and begged the men to have mercy on us and marry us. We are also liabilities to our husband!!!!!!.

You did not take a car, house and swizz bank account to your husband’s house. What a Failure!!!!

Some even said you can’t try this in the USA, lies!!!!! Exhibit A. Plus single mothers who work full time and still do it.

If I make a sweeping generalization that “80% of my single independent ladies”( all CEO”s by the way ) are frustrated, jealous, bitter, regretful and the “true love of their lives” went on to marry an undergrad #prettyyoungthings.

A hit dog will always holler

smokey drinky:

my answer remain unchanged.

if my daughter wants to get married at that stage, as a parent, i ll sit her down and talk to her about the pros and cons but the final decision is hers. heck, she is a .full fledged adult and don't need my consent to validate her marriage anyways.

financial independence....oh well..i always laugh when i hear people especially ple with big dreams and the qualities to make dem realities talk about being a liability to their husbands. for God sake if you are an asset, you are an asset and the fact that you ain't making money for the timebeing doesn't deppreciate ur value. some ladies enrich the lives of their husbands in so many ways even though they ain't earning. financial independence entails fund management and allocation of assets., it goes beyond raw cash. so yes, my 23 yr old jewelled asset is very free to marry

Oh common!!!i wish I can give you a hug right now, an asset is an asset my sister and really goes beyond raw cash!!

thatchic: @Byvan, why flog a dead horse? Have you not heard? we married as undergrads because we were wretched and knocked up and begged the men to have mercy on us and marry us. We are also liabilities to our husband!!!!!!.

You did not take a car, house and swizz bank account to your husband’s house. What a Failure!!!!

Some even said you can’t try this in the USA, lies!!!!! Exhibit A. Plus single mothers who work full time and still do it.

If I make a sweeping generalization that “80% of my single independent ladies”( all CEO”s by the way ) are frustrated, jealous, bitter, regretful and the “true love of their lives” went on to marry an undergrad #prettyyoungthings.

A hit dog will always holler

This woman has killed meooooo!!!!! * * Am laughing like a craze woman here**,you are a genius!!!!!

smokey drinky:

my answer remain unchanged.

I wasn't thinking about her being a liability. I was more focused on her being able to find her foot if for whatever reason, her marriage dissolves.
Humor me, can you advice your 23yrs old male son to get married when he is still a sophomore in college??

Wu Zetian:

I believe love is not only the factor makes a marriage work. Finance, maturity, selflessness, same goals, also play a major role in a good marriage.

I do advocate one staying in a bullsh1t union in order to appear married to the society.

My worth is not defined by a man neither should that of your daughters.


The height of immaturity that you have displayed on this thread alone is very scary and I really do hope you get help in order to teach your girls that the Mrs degree is not what their lives should revolve around.

i'd like to know, when you are ready to settle down, i mean wen you have the money, maturity, selflessness and all what not required for marriage and you happen to fall in love with a man who loves you and possesses all the qualities you want in a man except one- financial independence- oh and he has good prospects, will you not marry him?

i have heard people say to ladies, wen choosing a life partner do not let the fact that a suitor isn't working or is earning very little deter u from marrying the man that is good for you. if he has a bright future, by all means go on. i wonder, does this apply to men alone? is an undergraduate lady without a bright future??

Follow your heart but don't start having babies right away.
Going to class with baby isn't too fun. I have seen students placing their baby in the stroller while taking notes/rocking the stroller when baby fuses or leave class.
I have seen some put their baby on empty seat while taking notes

smokey drinky:

i'd like to know, when you are ready to settle down, i mean wen you have the money, maturity, selflessness and all what not required for marriage and you happen to fall in love with a man who loves you and possesses all the qualities you want in a man except one- financial independence- oh and he has good prospects, will you not marry him?

i have heard people say to ladies, wen choosing a life partner do not let the fact that a suitor isn't working or is earning very little deter u from marrying the man that is good for you. if he has a bright future, by all means go on. i wonder, does this apply to men alone? is an undergraduate lady without a bright future??

I can't even be attracted to a guy that would want to start a family without having his own.

Waiting doesn't make the love fade.

If you are scared that your partner will leave you if you don't marry them at that instance, that says a lot about your supposed love.

Wu Zetian:

I wasn't thinking about her being a liability. I was more focused on her being able to find her foot if for whatever reason, her marriage dissolves.
Humor me, can you advice your 23yrs old male son to get married when he is still a sophomore in college??

let's not get it twisted....
humor me, do u consider yourself in the same level with your male counterpart?? in terms of maturity, insight et all?? therein lies your answer...

oh a financially dependent asset can very well find her foot should her marriage dissolve.faster even than a financially independent non asset. we have seen it happen. which is why the most important question for the op to answer is: what do you have in you?

smokey drinky:

let's not get it twisted....
humor me, do u consider yourself in the same level with your male counterpart?? in terms of maturity, insight et all?? therein lies your answer...

oh a financially dependent asset can very well find her foot should her marriage dissolve.faster even than a financially independent non asset. we have seen it happen. which is why the most important question for the op to answer is: what do you have in you?

Get what twisted?? So if I get you clear, you are also fine with your male son also making the same decision.

Then this back and forth is unnecessary because I was under the impression the reason these women gave for not getting married is because they do not want to be 30+ and single.

Wu Zetian:

I can't even be attracted to a guy that would want to start a family without having his own.

Waiting doesn't make the love fade.

If you are scared that your partner will leave you if you don't marry them at that instance, that says a lot about your supposed love.

its your opinion, you are right but im not wrong either.
i know all about waiting and patience but look around you and tell me, do you sincerely believe that the patient dog eats the fattest bone? these days the patient dog gets nothing atall.

there is nothing wrong with holding on and waiting but if i can start early, make a head start and get away with it, i sure as heaven will.

@op, there are so many things to do with your life while you're single. Starting a family dampers and puts a hold on most things. This is a time to b you without worrying about a family at home. There's no rush, if he can't wait, chuck him a deuce.

Dolly-Parton:

I know right! I can't imagine going home to tell my dad I wanna get married while still in school. Am I crazy He would never allow such. He believes its his responsibilty to train us to the level of first degree at least and more if the kid is willing. He tells us often, that he would never allow anyone to train his kids for him. No matter what.
And why do I wanna rush into marraige when am yet to fully define my path in life. If a 23year old is a graduate with a job, I'll say by all means, go ahead and get married. But when a 2nd year, 23year old is thinking about marriage, all I do is wonder what type of upbringing she got.
Abeg I do not want a man or his family to come and start telling me, they made me what I am. That priviledge is for my parents and siblings only.

Omg....i could have written this! What liver would i have used to tell my daddy that i want to marry while i was in school!

I guess it depends on upbringing sha! But i definitely wanted to achieve a lot with my life as an individual first....marriage wasn't even in my radar in school or the first 5 years after school

At 23, i already bought my brand new car myself and was a chartered accountant earning about 300k with 3 years work experience in the bag

Some parent's singular ambition is to see their kids married and they trained them to think being a 'mrs' is a great achievement! I had a friend that at 20, her dad was already harrassing her for husband..So i can't really fault some people's reasoning or comments on here. Its all in the upbringing and mentality.

@op...face your book! If he loves you, he should be 'mr right' and not 'mr. Right now'. he will still be there two years down the line

Wu Zetian:

Get what twisted?? So if I get you clear, you are also fine with your male son also making the same decision.

Then this back and forth is unnecessary because I was under the impression the reason these women gave for not getting married is because they do not want to be 30+ and single.

no you didn't get me right. so you are equal to ur male counterpart? wow

no my reason for getting married isn't coz i didn't want to be 30 and single.its bcz there was nothing stopping me from being 20+ and married and coz i realised dat at 30, not only will my kids be on their way to being teenagers, i will be far advanced in my career, i will still have youth by myside and will be living in my children's time et all.... in other words i realised i could have it all, that marriage is not a barrier.

smokey drinky:

no you didn't get me right. so you are equal to ur male counterpart? wow

Yes, I'm equal to my male counterpart! I don't understand, what makes me any less than my male counterpart??

smokey drinky:

no you didn't get me right. so you are equal to ur male counterpart? wow

no my reason for getting married isn't coz i didn't want to be 30 and single.its bcz there was nothing stopping me from being 20+ and married and coz i realised dat at 30, not only will my kids be on their way to being teenagers, i will be far advanced in my career, i will still have youth by myside and will be living in my children's time et all.... in other words i realised i could have it all, that marriage is not a barrier.

I'm definitely equal to my male counterpart. We are partners....!!!!!!

Wu Zetian:
Yes, I'm equal to my male counterpart! I don't understand, what makes me less than my male counterpart??

wat i was trying to say is that you cannot compare a 20 yr old girl to a 20 yr old boy. its an open secret that girls mature faster in everything!! a 20 yr old girl is far advanced in reasoning, understanding et all than a 20 yr old boy so while a 23 yr old girl is matured enough to marry, a 23 yr old boy may not be.

smokey drinky:

wat i was trying to say is that you cannot compare a 20 yr old girl to a 20 yr old boy. its an open secret that girls mature faster in everything!! a 20 yr old girl is far advanced in reasoning, understanding et all than a 20 yr old boy so while a 23 yr old girl is matured enough to marry, a 23 yr old boy may not be.

Y'all are beginning to contradict yourself.

You said age wasn't a factor in determining the op's maturity and all of a sudden you saying a boy maturity is determined by age?? Who told you there aren't mature 23yrs old guys who are more mature than most of their female counterparts??

I could as well say until a girl's frontal lope is developed, she isn't properly mature for marriage

uchetobi:

I'm definitely equal to my male counterpart. We are partners....!!!!!!

ok. i get you.

not to undermine the male folks but i have never seen my male counterparts as equals. they don't ve the insight, maturity, capabilities and ability to evaluate things that i have.

while a 20yr old lady is thinkin of graduating, getting a job and being a success, her male mates r prolly thinkin of how to chyke one girl

its unfortunate but true, which why they finally get to thinking about marriage in their late 30s

Wu Zetian:
Y'all are beginning to contradict yourself.

You said age wasn't a factor in determining the op's maturity and all of a sudden you saying a boy maturity is determined by age?? Who told you there aren't mature 23yrs old guys who are more mature than most of their female counterparts??

I could as well say until a girl's frontal lope is developed, she isn't properly mature for marriage

don't get ahead of yourself. read and comprehend. didn't contradict myself.

ofcz their are few of them, there is always an exception

byvan... please forgive slimmy... he knows not How to talk... no more quarrelling

ify84:

u must be a very reasonable girl... all ur contributions are wonderful ...its even better to finish giving birth to children at 30-35... den look fresh for ur husband ever... he wont get time to look out...

My thots exactly. Have all my kids early and still look fresh. I started at 20, hopefully, by 26, I'm done having kids then I get to work on myself ... Ppl talking about marrying at 30/35 no know wetin be menopause

uchetobi:

Omg....i could have written this! What liver would i have used to tell my daddy that i want to marry while i was in school!

I guess it depends on upbringing sha! But i definitely wanted to achieve a lot with my life as an individual first....marriage wasn't even in my radar in school or the first 5 years after school

At 23, i already bought my brand new car myself and was a chartered accountant earning about 300k with 3 years work experience in the bag

Some parent's singular ambition is to see their kids married and they trained them to think being a 'mrs' is a great achievement! I had a friend that at 20, her dad was already harrassing her for husband..So i can't really fault some people's reasoning or comments on here. Its all in the upbringing and mentality.

@op...face your book! If he loves you, he should be 'mr right' and not 'mr. Right now'. he will still be there two years down the line

After graduation, an acquaintance dad(He is Nigerian) asked me my next plan of action and I told him, "Writing my CPA and applying to MBA schools." He looked at me like I had committed murder and told me, that I should go look for a man to marry. Don't I know the greatest degree a woman can have is the Mrs Degree?

My ex boyfriend's father once asked me that if his son got drafted into the NFL, would I marry him? I said, "after school" and I got into an argument with this man asking me why I have to wait to finish school when his son is already earning big money. I was 17 about to turn 18, just a sophomore in college and he wanted me to start a family. I couldn't believe my ears.

You are right, I guess people's foundation, family background really matters.

smokey drinky:

don't get ahead of yourself. read and comprehend. didn't contradict myself.

ofcz their are few of them, there is always an exception

I understood what you wrote perfectly, what you said is a common fact. Girls are 2yrs ahead in physical, hormonal and mental maturity but if you know what you're talking about, you would also know that most males catch up with females in their early 20s.

You cannot base your reason for giving your female child the go ahead and denying the male child such rights on (age) maturity.
Yes, you are contradicting yourself. There are too many females the op's age who aren't ready for marriage.

Wu Zetian:
I understood what you wrote perfectly, what you said is a common fact. Girls are 2yrs ahead in physical, hormonal and mental maturity but if you know what you're talking about, you would also know that most males catch up with females in their early 20s.

You cannot base your reason for giving your female child the go ahead and denying the male child such rights on (age) maturity.
Yes, you are contradicting yourself. There are too many females the op's age who aren't ready for marriage.

and isn't that why we advised the op to go ahead if she is ready?? we could have advised her to go ahead, ready or not.

i didn't categorically state that a male child should be denied such right, you should have questioned that. it wasn't an oversight. i explained that males don't mature as fast and left it at that, open.....bcz should i see a 23 yr old boy that is more matured than a typical 23 yr old, i ll treat him based on the level of his maturity. let's not over flog the issue.

no, i never contradict myself

OP, I am a young married woman. I love my husband and I thank God I was able to finish school, work while being a wife and mother. My husband was super supportive. I see where the young married ladies are coming from but I will advice you, you know your story and your husband. Remove pressure from him and society and consider a few things. Are YOU on your own willing to walk down this path? Make sacrifices and put your needs aside for the greater good of your new family. Bear with your husband getting grumpy about your education taking center stage, because he has to take a back seat for a little. Afterall, you might as well do the education thing with all excellence. Some of these unhappy women you see nowadays are products of rushed unions. We need to get out of this mentality of: He will leave and you will be lonely later, or time no dey o.

Make the best choice for YOU. I just gave you a synopsis of my own life but I know what life would have been like. It's not about catching fun, it's about growing and knowing yourself by yourself and knowing what you want. I always advise women today, develop yourself if you can. Then enter a marriage. I am not saying be all rich but have something in your arsenal. Nigerian women are horrible at this and we have statistically, one of the worst sets of marriages. We are too dependent on men for everything. We can't contribute to the home because we are not prepared to do more than house keeping (something you can now hire day service to do). Too many babies marrying and taking their pitiful situations as "it is what it is". Get you together and then marry. Whether all these women like it or not, you have more respect that way. The choice is ultimately yours. Like I said, my experience was beautiful but I wouldn't advice my child to do it or my little sisters.

God bless

jumbotron: OP, I am a young married woman. I love my husband and I thank God I was able to finish school, work while being a wife and mother. My husband was super supportive. I see where the young married ladies are coming from but I will advice you, you know your story and your husband. Remove pressure from him and society and consider a few things. Are YOU on your own willing to walk down this path? Make sacrifices and put your needs aside for the greater good of your new family. Bear with your husband getting grumpy about your education taking center stage, because he has to take a back seat for a little. Afterall, you might as well do the education thing with all excellence. Some of these unhappy women you see nowadays are products of rushed unions. We need to get out of this mentality of: He will leave and you will be lonely later, or time no dey o.

Make the best choice for YOU. I just gave you a synopsis of my own life but I know what life would have been like. It's not about catching fun, it's about growing and knowing yourself by yourself and knowing what you want. I always advise women today, develop yourself if you can. Then enter a marriage. I am not saying be all rich but have something in your arsenal. Nigerian women are horrible at this and we have statistically, one of the worst sets of marriages. We are too dependent on men for everything. We can't contribute to the home because we are not prepared to do more than house keeping (something you can now hire day service to do). Too many babies marrying and taking their pitiful situations as "it is what it is". Get you together and then marry. Whether all these women like it or not, you have more respect that way. The choice is ultimately yours. Like I said, my experience was beautiful but I wouldn't advice my child to do it or my little sisters.

God bless

Thank you for being honest.

jumbotron: OP, I am a young married woman. I love my husband and I thank God I was able to finish school, work while being a wife and mother. My husband was super supportive. I see where the young married ladies are coming from but I will advice you, you know your story and your husband. Remove pressure from him and society and consider a few things. Are YOU on your own willing to walk down this path? Make sacrifices and put your needs aside for the greater good of your new family. Bear with your husband getting grumpy about your education taking center stage, because he has to take a back seat for a little. Afterall, you might as well do the education thing with all excellence. Some of these unhappy women you see nowadays are products of rushed unions. We need to get out of this mentality of: He will leave and you will be lonely later, or time no dey o.

Make the best choice for YOU. I just gave you a synopsis of my own life but I know what life would have been like. It's not about catching fun, it's about growing and knowing yourself by yourself and knowing what you want. I always advise women today, develop yourself if you can. Then enter a marriage. I am not saying be all rich but have something in your arsenal. Nigerian women are horrible at this and we have statistically, one of the worst sets of marriages. We are too dependent on men for everything. We can't contribute to the home because we are not prepared to do more than house keeping (something you can now hire day service to do). Too many babies marrying and taking their pitiful situations as "it is what it is". Get you together and then marry. Whether all these women like it or not, you have more respect that way. The choice is ultimately yours. Like I said, my experience was beautiful but I wouldn't advice my child to do it or my little sisters.

God bless

GOD Bless yur home, amen!

@jumbotron, God bless you and your home. Wow, what a matured, free of sentiments and sugarcoating comment. You are indeed a great woman. Let me have my beautiful sleep. Once again. God bless your home.

Wu Zetian:

I believe love is not only the factor makes a marriage work. Finance, maturity, selflessness, same goals, also play a major role in a good marriage.

I do advocate one staying in a bullsh1t union in order to appear married to the society.

My worth is not defined by a man neither should that of your daughters.

The height of immaturity that you have displayed on this thread alone is very scary and I really do hope you get help in order to teach your girls that the Mrs degree is not what their lives should revolve around.

Too bad I have no girls to teach,may be you do the teaching if you eventually get them Miss self sufficiency. If anyone needs help here,you do ,Miss self sufficiency is also not what your daughters life should revolve around.Are you trying to say that your so called self sufficient women can't be found in bullsh1t union??Love can never be the only factor, neither can your self sufficiency and age.I can see that your mentality is that of getting married to divorce tomorrow,thats why you are preparing for marriage like you are going for war,hopefully you won't also teach your daughters #preparing for marriage-combat 101#