texazzpete:

There's another story you guys aren't picking up on.

The girls's parents encouraged her to go visit the guy who eventually 'caned' here. That means the parents are VERY amenable to the idea of her marrying this other guy.

What sense is there in you keeping on with a girl whose parents will be opposed to your marriage anyway?

@poster,
Hope you are warming up.

how long has she known this her papa friend pikin? na wa ooh na so people dey easily dey open their legs, never become STEWPID in the name of love. but then, come to think of it if she never told you, you most probably would never have known, you may really have to talk with her but for me , whether she was drunk when it happened, its GAME OVER!!!

If it happened once, it will happen again!

Woman have more control than that, me thinks she wanted a taste of somethin diff. . . .

Good thing some females also have that "DNA" Natillus

texazzpete:

There's another story you guys aren't picking up on.

The girls's parents encouraged her to go visit the guy who eventually 'caned' here. That means the parents are VERY amenable to the idea of her marrying this other guy.

What sense is there in you keeping on with a girl whose parents will be opposed to your marriage anyway?

That's what I was wondering about. Do the parents not know of the OP's existance? Are they aware of his intentions with their daughter? fsb should come answer these questions

@ texazzpete

unless the 'caning' was under duress, then she has no excuse. For crying out loud, they said someone is interested in marrying you, go and visit him - is that license for gratuitous caning?

Unless the girl is one of them mumu chicks who aren't too sharp, falling for anything. How can you just be gisting with someone and end up sleeping with the person? Especially (as I inferred from the story at least) they didn't seem to know each other that well?

If ordinary 'introducing' the girl to a guy you want her to marry leads to instant sex, what if someone comes and is actually chasing/toasting the girl. . .she'll have an orgy?

I'm usually in the 'forgive her' and 'people make mistakes' camp, but this girl might just be too weak minded to stand for anything. . .she might just come back home one day pregnant for someone else by chance.

she has given the most precious part of her body to someone else, that it why it is called PRIVATE, what part did she preserve for you? her hair?

Some hairs are rather precious ohh.

I dunno why the guy is crying pwah pwah

What has happened has sheled, move on Bro.

Things can never be the same.

one wonders how many other fellas the girl has gisted with - since gisting seems to constitute her mating ritual

@ poster, i seriously doubt if this was the first time something like this happened. in the end, its your choice. . .

@poster

my advice, take it that the relationship is over, its obvious she knows her parents wants this guy, and thats wat made her cheat with the guy, to save yourself any more pain, get rid of her asap,

and like sum1 said, dont forget to collect your laptop

ladi02:

@poster

my advice, take it that the relationship is over, its obvious she knows her parents wants this guy, and thats what made her cheat with the guy, to save yourself any more pain, get rid of her asap,

and like someone said, don't forget to collect your laptop

I think doing this would be very childish, Let her keep the laptop and may her conscience "kill" her, that's providing she has one,

Look on the brighter side son, better get rid of this headache now before it turns into a migraine,

zheroes:

she has given the most precious part of her body to someone else, that it why it is called PRIVATE, what part did she preserve for you? her hair?

Abeg, Mr Man, don't make me crack a rib.

Sorry, mate. I can understand the hurt you will be feeling.

Take some of the following advice given earlier.

she sounds like a perpetually confused individual to me, you know one of those people who glide through life without actually knowing what they want from it, who leave all the important decisions in their lives to other people.

She might be someone like this, do you think you want this kind of dolo as a wife?

To raise your kids?

What if the girl make up this story to see how you will react over it, within me i believe she did not sleep with anybody, maybe she's tired of hanging around you so she's looking for a way to break up with you that's all. Any girl that sleeps with another guy will not have the audacity to tell his boyfriend even if he doesn't have anything to offer to her, she will keep it secret.

This is unlikely, as she would not risk the public humiliation that accompanies it just to break up with you.

Most girls that cheat wouldn't even tell their bestfriend talkless of their boyfriend.

Even if it is true, don't drag yourself on the floor and move on.

Guy, its not your fault if you leave her or can't let go of the pain ok . . .its the way you are CODED in your DNA and a MALE human
we DO NOT 4give SEXUAL sins  . . . . .period.

Couldn't agree more.

We work hard for that stuff, so we demand a higher moral standing from women in regards to cheating especially when you are being a good guy. ^{All you feminist can start tearing your hair out now.}

So she made you jump all those hoops to land in whoreland?

Main point: I think you have to go, no matter how painful. It is the best for you as regards to your future.

@zheroes

According to her, she had never met the guy before the day the dude and his dad came to see her dad.

@TOH

Maybe I should explain my rship with the family. I have a good rship with everyone in the family except the dad - whom I have met just once(although, he is aware his daughter is dating someone). They live in a different state from where I'm based and visiting them isn't feasible. She schools in the same state I live so when she goes home for holidays, I visit her and her folks every 2weeks. I believe her dad is sought of a tribalist but I'm thinking that is not to say that he would say NO to a foreigner like me (from another tribe) just that he would prefer his tribe person, The other person only became an issue when he and his dad (who happens to be a friend of her father, and from the same tribe) came to the house to talk of marriage.

She has also met everyone is my family except my dad and they all love her. My mum is crazy abt her.

@debosky

Walai, talai. I thought of the part (how can you just be gisting with someone and end up sleeping with the person? What sort of conversation were you having? when you are not retarded) I confronted her about this yday night and she told me just about 3 things and she didn't want to continue the conversation ("I don't want to continue this conversation". I believe she gave me a beautifully edited review of what happened or maybe she was too ashamed to continue.

I have tried to rationalize and think about how it could have happened? Several things came to my head: My gf is a slot; she isn't a slot but was on heat at the time; she was druged;the guy was more successful than i; the guy raped her; etc. The more I thought, the more the thinking became more painful. The painful thing was that from my discussion with her, this guy works in some stupid government petroleum agency and isn't worth crap - so it definitely wasn't the money.

This experience made me realize something - that people change. When we started going out, she showed no love for material things and that made me spend more on her - it's just unnecessary to begin to talk about what and what was done or was not done. I just keep asking myself? What didn't I do for her? Was it love, my time or money? I believe with all the spending, I wet the seed of materialism in her but even then, only God knows.

@ladi02

I wanted to break up on the grounds that since the dad's friend had already brought his son to the house, it would only be a matter of time before she would graduate and then they would return again. I raised this with her some days back and she maintained her position of not being interested in the guy and that it was a mistake. It's me she wants. I believed she was sorry.

Let me add, I was like "fine, it happened. Promise me it will never happen again because I want to trust you completely. I believe that trust is so important in a rship blablabla, " Tell her to think abt it, and like a day later, she's like she's afraid to promise me and fail again. ----That is a true statement but it could also mean, If it could happen this time, I'm not sure I can control myself when next it happens. What do you think?

As someone pointed out earlier, she could have made up the story to make me break up with her but I don't understand why she would do that when she could have just told me what she wanted. I'm a very easy person to deal with. Besides, we talked about it and she says she doesn't want me to break up with her and she's really sorry it happened. That's the summary.

Even if we were breaking up, I wouldn't collect any of the things I bought for her. First off, its not me; secondly, I have never believed that the material things count. I appreciate the anonymity of Nairaland in helping me out in this matter 'cos this is something I can't even tell any of my friends or family otherwise, I know what they'll say. Plus they'd base their decision more on the material gifts, which in the big picture, are irrelevant.

I don't know but with this experience, I'm beginning to think that women are all about MONEY and material things which just irritatingly pisses me off. Including this experience, I've had 2 in the past that didn't go well because of the "I'm freaked abt money factor".

-------------

I believe we all make mistakes and I have forgiven her and over time, I hope to forget the experience and not hold it against her. Although, that trust has not returned and deep within, I'm either not sure it will ever return or maybe I'm hoping it will return to the way it was.

Thanks people!!! Your advice has been supportive

fsb:

. . . Promise me it will never happen again because I want to trust you completely. I believe that trust is so important in a rship blablabla, " Tell her to think about it, and like a day later, she's like she's afraid to promise me and fail again. . .

Did she actually say she couldn't promise it would not happen again?
Hmmn, wish you all the best.




    _{Oyinbo no lie when dem talk say "Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't".}

She gave me an impression dat she was afraid of failing after making that promise. The statement was worrying, it made me think she was definitely going to do it in the future,

fsb:

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,I confronted her about this yday night and she told me just about 3 things and she didn't want to continue the conversation ("I don't want to continue this conversation". ,.,.,, ,, ,.,.,.,.,.,.,., Tell her to think about it, and like a day later, she's like she's afraid to promise me and fail again. ----That is a true statement but it could also mean, If it could happen this time, I'm not sure I can control myself when next it happens. What do you think? ,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.I believe we all make mistakes and I have forgiven her and over time, I hope to forget the experience and not hold it against her.

OK, this is where I ask the question: "Bitch, are you RETARDED?"

_{And this question is NOT directed at her. It is directed at you!!!}

fsb, I dont understand why you are blaming money when you already said it had nothing to do with material things

Im sorry about what you are going thru. I think you need to put an end to that relatiosnhip especially since it seems like she's "unsure if it will happen again", forget taking back her stuff. Just wish her well and leave. Seriously. You sound sincere, Im sure you'll find someone better

Sagamite, some of us also expect HIGH moral code in our dudes. Then again it's cos some girls are daft enough to take back cheating dudes usually out fo desperation which is why you guys can yarn such dust. No be your faults

i don't blame the girls for willing to endure such vitriol. Their biological clock is ticking at a rapid pace.

Clock or not, they're pathetic

fsb:

She gave me an impression that she was afraid of failing after making that promise. The statement was worrying, it made me think she was definitely going to do it in the future,

Judging from all the info you gave us, she is someone that finds it hard to lie hence the reason she initially told you, then said it was a joke, then finally told you the truth. She also could have lied that she would not do it again but yet again, she couldn't, so it is easy to reconcile with the reason you find it hard to let go of her.

One thing you need to note though is the possibility that she is falling for this other guy hence the reason she couldn't give you an answer straightaway when you told her to promise not to do it again.

Like most guys have said, I think you should count your losses and move on. And yes, it would hurt a bit, but the earlier you take the plunge, the better.

TOH:

Clock or not, they're pathetic

Agree it's pathetic but desperate times calls for desperate measures.

TOH:

Clock or not, they're pathetic

no shit.

Busy_body:

Agree it's pathetic but desperate times calls for desperate measures.

no shit.


you're both right.

and that means having kids with a lunatic that doesnt have respect for you?

TOH:

fsb, I don't understand why you are blaming money when you already said it had nothing to do with material things

I'm sorry about what you are going through. I think you need to put an end to that relatiosnhip especially since it seems like she's "unsure if it will happen again", forget taking back her stuff. Just wish her well and leave. Seriously. You sound sincere, I'm sure you'll find someone better

Sagamite, some of us also expect HIGH moral code in our dudes. Then again it's because some girls are daft enough to take back cheating dudes usually out fo desperation which is why you guys can yarn such dust. No be your faults

You should!!!

I just look down more on women that do it than I look down on men that do it.

It is not double standards, it is different standards.

Sagamite:

It is not double standards, it is different standards.

tomato, tomahto

@busy_body

taking that plunge is the most difficult part of everything. I'll sit down and think things carefully,

fsb na wa for you. Infact i vote we move this thread to the "mumu for love" section.

She was afraid to promise you not to cheat again? and u're still with her?

TOH:

tomato, tomahto

True!!!

There is British tomato.

There is Chilean tomato.

There is Kenyan tomato.

All different in size and shape.

In other words, SAME DIFFERENCE

davidylan:

fsb na wa for you. Infact i vote we move this thread to the "mumu for love" section.

She was afraid to promise you not to cheat again? and u're still with her?

The guy is in for a ride.

The girl is testing him and he has confirmed the rubbish he can chop is infinite.

She is now going to ride him to jupiter and back before im eye open.

TOH:

In other words, SAME DIFFERENCE

Bad english, shawty.

TOH:

and that means having kids with a lunatic that doesnt have respect for you?

Yes! Desperate measures.  Anything to avoid being considered a disgrace to the family.