GoodFaith:

We all should learn to help people without expecting monetary return

It's almost impossible to help without expecting one form of reward or the other, unless you're helping strangers or people you do not expect.to meet again. Even then, at least you know they would pray for you and wish you well for helping them. that counts for something

Heck, even God expects you to praise him (thanksgiving) both when He helps you and when He refuses to help you. That's why the Bible says, "in all things, give thanks".

If Almighty God expects something in return for helping (and even not helping) us His children, how much more mere mortals who are fundamentally selfish and self-centred by nature?

Ishilove:
But the friend shouldn't be the one to ask na. The friend is an assshole

well maybe he had to ask cuz this guy was not saying anything after he got the job. after you get the job you should be the one hinting that i really appreciate this gesture and i am going to get you a gift with some of my first salary for this kind gesture of yours. this guy sounds just like every other ungrateful and entitled woman spoken about in this thread. shyttt someone gets you a job ? thats a life changing incident. you owe the guy bigggggg timeeeeeeee. and he is here bitching about the guy asking him for ten percent ? ingrate

Emzybrown] How can i stay out of women??
LMAO How? BUY OTAPIAPIA drink it and die. Goat

@OP, nawa 2 u o. U mean all these scenario does not occur between men helping fellow men? Showing gratitude does not have anything 2 do with gender but it all depends on a person's personality

obadiah777: [b]in the ideal world ? yes. this is not an ideal world. nobody owes you nothing in this world. if someone is generous enough to help you out, you have to have the decency to reach back and touch that person. anyone who you help and they just move on without reaching back to thank you and reciprocate in any kind of way ? that is a wicked person. this guy is a wicked person because he had to wait for his friend to demand 10 percent. if someone got me a job, i would not even wait for the person to demand anything from me. it would be in my heart to buy the person a generous gift with part of my first cheque to show that i really appreciated what he did for me. anyone who does not do that ? thats a wicked cold person. life is all about favors. you do me a favor ? i owe you one. nothing in life is free. unless of course the person is a family member then thats different. now of course if the person helped is in no position to help back then a thank you is enough. but if i got you a lucrative contract, would you not reach out to me ? its how life is. lets quit pretending that people do stuff for free. [/b]

and all these men sayng women are wicked because they are not grateful. i am not buying all that. men are equally wicked. those men who did favors for women, i can bet you all those women were attractive and the guy was hoping to get some a-ss at the end of the day. but they got played so they are mad. will those same men try to help a 400 pound woman with only one teeth left ? nope they wouldnt. so the men are just as demonic as the women. dont cry here cuz you got played by a woman who you tried to buy her affection

and he finkz i'll read dis. *spits on this part of his*

Just because you help somebody does not mean they ought to be forever indebted to you! While common courtesy demands a simple thank you when someone offers you help, but i find that most Nigerians expect you to remain indebted to them! phuckin bull-crap!.....This is one of the reasons i despise Nigerians.....when they offer help (no matter how small or inconsequential), they expect something in return! It defeats the whole purpose of offering help!

Another woman bashing thread. Nonsense

bigheart2013: Sorry to bother good nairalander again with another thread back-to-back. Please help me solve this puzzle. Why is that each time someone helps most (not all) Nigeria woman it ends up either in a drama, scandal, enmity or chaos?

Here are some examples:

1. I opened this thread because a friend helped a Nigerian lady get a job in a big firm in Nigeria. The lady resumed without even calling to update him. When the man asked her why, she said she was grateful but added that God only used my friend to help her, it wasn't by his own doing. It could have still happened through another person. My friend was shocked at this type of 'Thank You'
2. A man in USA who used his financial records to file affidavit of support for her niece in Nig to relocate to USA made news when he ended up in court and nearly ended up in jail, when the girl turned around to sue him for not supporting her financially in USA.
3. Some Nigerian men (not all) who trained their wives in school are regretting it today, after the said wife graduated and either dumped them or became very unruly when they start working.
4. Some people who opened businesses for their sisters in Nigeria are regretting it today, as they ended up enemies and insulted.
5. Some who gave gifts to female friends in Nigeria always have one story of ungratefulness or the other. They complained that generally most Nigerian ladies have a mindset that they get what they get because they are attractive women, and generally men are 'mugus' who spend on women to get something in return.

My Questions:

1. What is the cause of this general feeling of ungratefulness, and how can we change the mindset of our sisters to start being grateful?
2. What is the best way to give a Nigerian lady a helping hand without attracting these types of ungratefulness, since some of us either still have females we are helping or intend to help?
3. How should one react when one's help is either misinterpreted or treated with ungratefulness, without ending it in drama or enmity?


Update 1, Nov 4, 2013: I wish we don't turn this into bashing of Nigerian women. I asked 3 specific questions to see how we can train the mind of some sisters to see the benefits of being grateful, to teach brothers how to give the right way, and how to handle disappointments when they come. I pray we focus on that to make this thread more constructive.

It has nothing to do with Nigerian women but women in general. Also those people that have problems are those that expect something in return from people they helped. My advice, if u feel bountiful and want 2 help someone please do but do so without expecting nothing in return, do so with a clean heart.

Women or men don't ever offer help you expect appreciation or 'thank you'

90% of the time it NEVER happen, even family members...
.telling from experience, bro!

Since you are referring to women.....
Take Comfort in Stephen HAWKIN experience..
Stephen Hawking admits he finds women 'a complete mystery


http://www.theguardian.com/science/2012/jan/04/stephen-hawking-women-complete-mystery

ALLWAYS HELP WHERE YOU CAN, YOU WILL BE REWARDED DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY
That life!!!!

Tiiihahahakikikikhahahaha! Abegi! Guys dey here dey vent! You are the cause of ur problems.If u like para frm now till 2090,many of una go still fall mugu today! The babe will eat u for lunch....and u'll come here buzzing into my dainty ears!
But,jokes apart! Most Naija guys dn't know what ''no strings attatched'' means when they are generous.They give u #100,they expect a kiss.#500,cuddle.#1000.........okay.U vent and rave,ask urself why u were helping out in the first place? So that she wld be eternally grateful and dedicate her body to u as a sumptious sacrifice?
Guys,get over it! A smart guy gives wisely wifout high expectations.The mugus/magas will always expect,and when they dn't get it,they come to NL to pour out their fustrations.Get real!
All these ones forming ''i will never help a girl in my life again'' na wash!

lirusehn: hmmn. [s]Women of Nigerian(Nigerians' women)[/s] women of Nigeria(nigeria's women). Yorubas ladies yoruba ladies . lagos girls lagosian girls. Compare 'em Sir

Are you serious with this?

Arosa:

Are you serious with this?

more dan serious son

I dnt knw wt they(women) always feel lyk..maybe they think all priviledge is their God given right...they be like" we are weaker vessel, ladies first...bla bla"....the most annoying part is when a lady is tryin to use her charms on me to do stuffs e.g like making face or talk slow or touchin my laps , and when u obliged them, u will be called mumu behind ur back....The eyes of mercy for women has gone blind tay tay.... To the extent dt if I see a woman with a flat tire on the road..I will jst whistle pass her...Nonsense!

Nigerian girls..thunder fire all of una

pro01:

It's almost impossible to help without expecting one form of reward or the other, unless you're helping strangers or people you do not expect.to meet again. Even then, at least you know they would pray for you and wish you well for helping them. that counts for something

Heck, even God expects you to praise him (thanksgiving) both when He helps you and when He refuses to help you. That's why the Bible says, "in all things, give thanks".

If Almighty God expects something in return for helping (and even not helping) us His children, how much more mere mortals who are fundamentally selfish and self-centred by nature?

I have done favor for a person from different Country
I would have made 1500 from this dude
Did I need the money at the time YES
He was going to pay for the photocopies of the documents, I was help him with
I told him no, that I am doing it for completely free, I paid
About a year later, I think he saw me through his window , I was doing some voluntary work ,
On my way out I got a call from him, asking he if I need any thing from his country I said NO,
That my help was free
I am glad that he has his family now
That was the last time I heard from him
I have paid for gas for people, I did not ask for phone number
Over the year the lord has bless me too

obadiah777: well maybe he had to ask cuz this guy was not saying anything after he got the job. after you get the job you should be the one hinting that i really appreciate this gesture and i am going to get you a gift with some of my first salary for this kind gesture of yours. this guy sounds just like every other ungrateful and entitled woman spoken about in this thread. shyttt someone gets you a job ? thats a life changing incident. you owe the guy bigggggg timeeeeeeee. and he is here bitching about the guy asking him for ten percent ? ingrate

I get your point. The thing is the guy is supposed to know that he ought to appreciate his helper. If someone helps me get a job, heck, I'll buy that person a bag of rice if possible. You ought to know that you should show appreciation. However, if you as the helper is not appreciated, I feel you shouldn't ask to be appreciated. Rather, leave that person to God. He sees every hidden and open thing and He will recompense accordingly

obadiah777: [b]in the ideal world ? yes. this is not an ideal world. nobody owes you nothing in this world. if someone is generous enough to help you out, you have to have the decency to reach back and touch that person. anyone who you help and they just move on without reaching back to thank you and reciprocate in any kind of way ? that is a wicked person. this guy is a wicked person because he had to wait for his friend to demand 10 percent. if someone got me a job, i would not even wait for the person to demand anything from me. it would be in my heart to buy the person a generous gift with part of my first cheque to show that i really appreciated what he did for me. anyone who does not do that ? thats a wicked cold person. life is all about favors. you do me a favor ? i owe you one. nothing in life is free. unless of course the person is a family member then thats different. now of course if the person helped is in no position to help back then a thank you is enough. but if i got you a lucrative contract, would you not reach out to me ? its how life is. lets quit pretending that people do stuff for free. [/b]

and all these men sayng women are wicked because they are not grateful. i am not buying all that. men are equally wicked. those men who did favors for women, i can bet you all those women were attractive and the guy was hoping to get some a-ss at the end of the day. but they got played so they are mad. will those same men try to help a 400 pound woman with only one teeth left ? nope they wouldnt. so the men are just as demonic as the women. dont cry here cuz you got played by a woman who you tried to buy her affection

I have done favors without expectations
At the same time the good lord has look out for me
i need to do more good to the people that need it
If it is lunch for homeless person Yes

Ishilove:
I get your point. The thing is the guy is supposed to know that he ought to appreciate his helper. If someone helps me get a job, heck, I'll buy that person a bag of rice if possible. You ought to know that you should show appreciation. However, if you as the helper is not appreciated, I feel you shouldn't ask to be appreciated. Rather, leave that person to God. He sees every hidden and open thing and He will recompense accordingly

leave the person to God ? . oh well. people need to adopt my way of living. i dont accept gifts or help from anyone because i would feel indebted to you. anything i accept from you i would offer a service for it. i dont accept free gifts, birthday cards or anything from anyone. thats the only way you have freedom in this life.

It's in their Blood.

obadiah777: some of you were not raised right. i remember my first ever summer job. this guy, a family friend, his dad was one of the general managers at guiness oba akran avenue ikeja. the man got 3 of us a summer job at guinness. 3 month job. our first salary, all 3 of us, our mums collected all the money from us. combined all the money and went to buy the man a wrist watch to thank him for getting us the job. thats just how i was raised. keep in mind this man was stinking rich and did not need the wrist watch

Lucky you.... your mom is among that small PROGRESSIVE number.

There are very greatiful people and when you very close, in there lives, they are successful and happy.

Guess why MOST SELF MADE MILLONIERS have charity organization.... most ..not all

Ngokafor: @op i think there's something seriously wrong with you,worse with touts that agreed with you..
...so being ungrateful has now been narrowed down to gender??...you guys really need to grow up and act your various old ages you idiots!....the fact that you are idle doesnt mean you should be stupid.
... you gave few examples and viam!, you and your cheerleaders(mostly kids incapable of wiping their a***s after pooing how much more helping anyone) concluded in your pea-brains that most Nigerian women are ungrateful...ill-mannered twats always quick to insult women and girls like they dont have mothers,sisters,aunts....

....however,i find solace in the fact that my brothers,father and my man are not n a way like most of you..that i am eternallly grateful for!

I keep telling you, you don't have sense.

Ngokafor:
Ok sorry about,i admit i was out of line
and rude, but you have to admit that
your topic was sexist and
condescending.

See your rubbish excuse. Where were you when this topic https://www.nairaland.com/1497290/ladies-beware-everyman-suspect/
Reached front page from your fellow lady no less.
Because you thought it was sexist and condescending, you went emotional and started ranting like a rabid do.g and your logic center just went dead.
Next time read twice and don't rush to reply based on emotions.

lirusehn: more dan serious son

Dude it's standard English to say Nigerian women.

GoodFaith:

I have done favors without expectations
At the same time the good lord has look out for me
i need to do more good to the people that need it
If it is lunch for homeless person Yes

helping the defenseless and homeless and disabled and downtrodden is a different issue brah. this thread is about helping abled people

sometyms after helping som. Ungrateful,i jus feel lyk beggin God to make my heart harder.......some pple can be soo ungrateful dat u regret helping den in d firat place and concludin not to help any oda person in such situation....tho its not jus d women,men are also involved in dis trait....i tink d solution is while helping,do it as if u r blinfolded,lyk expectin nufn in return.....and wen u feel som1 u helped is ungrateful,try to put urselve in dat one's shoe and imagine wat u would av done in such situation...perharps,u mit see dat person u feel is ungrateful is really not....

chess guru: Heard of a case a man gave a lady a lift one good morning on his way to work.
On dropping the lady at a bustop where she could use to get to where she said she wanted to go, she open the door and started screaming!
"This man do e no want pay!!!"
"E do e no want pay"
Started drama in the park sote crowd come they gather...my man had to part with some money J̶̲̥̅̊u̶̲̥̅̊S̤̥̈̊τ̲̣̣̥ to have his sanity back and get to work!

This one happened in glamour girls. Nollywood.

.

obadiah777: helping the defenseless and homeless and disabled and downtrodden is a different issue brah. this thread is about helping abled people

I understand
Help is help
Over the time I have learn to help people with out expectation
I remember speak to a lady that was so mad because the Christmas gift she gave to her friend
Cost her way more than I friend gave her
I told her even to expect equal return of gift from people
After the talk, she told me thanks

Arosa:

Dude it's standard English to say Nigerian women.

i wud rather u looked at wot fluency demands

RealSleek: I dnt knw wt they(women) always feel lyk..maybe they think all priviledge is their God given right...they be like" we are weaker vessel, ladies first...bla bla"....the most annoying part is when a lady is tryin to use her charms on me to do stuffs e.g like making face or talk slow or touchin my laps , and when u obliged them, u will be called mumu behind ur back....The eyes of mercy for women has gone blind tay tay.... To the extent dt if I see a woman with a flat tire on the road..I will jst whistle pass her...Nonsense!

Nigerian girls..thunder fire all of una

You get sisters,abi? Female cousins,nieces,female friends.....u go born female children,baah? Issokay.When thunder don fire all of them finish,we go begin fear for ourselves.But for now i fear for u b'cos thunder don dey come ur side oooooo!

I help because I want to not because I expect anything from them...same thing with my fellow guys.

I don't need anybody's thank you or appreciation of any kind to be blessed.

Cause on several occasions I have been helped countlessly by people I never expected such gestures from.

Just help and forget.

obadiah777: but you sef you take style stingy sha. so this man actually got you a job. meaning without him you would have no pay, right ? and he is asking you for 10 percent. so what is the big deal ? if you are not comfortable giving him cash buy something with the ten percent like an iphone or something. you crazy mahfukaz i bet if your pastor asked you for 10 percent tithe to praise God for getting you that job you would be so happy to give it to him. chei. naija people sha

that 10 percent should be a one off on your first salary. not continuous payment

Thanks dude. But i had d idea of buying a gift for him. He took it all up as if he owned or worked for d money. I tell you dere r better ways of asking for an appreciation. Not by askin a 10% pay off straight up. Its rather absurd.

bigheart2013:

What's your location, and what are your job experiences? I can't communicate with you privately because that's not why I joined Nairaland, and since I'vent worked with u before may not give u references. But I can mentor you online on job search/ interview skills, and help put your CV in order to get interviews. That's where most young Nigerians get it wrong. God will see u through, bro. Don't give up. U can send to my inbox.

the reason i gave you the aforedmentioned email was because i do not use the e-mail i used in registering on nairaland again .. The valid one is olaklives05@yahoo.com . With respect to experience , i said earlier in my post that i recently finished my Nysc therefore i have little/no experience for now.