Kaylize76:

Too many holes in this ...Hello!

GoodFaith:
I understand
Help is help
Over the time I have learn to help people with out expectation
I remember speak to a lady that was so mad because the Christmas gift she gave to her friend
Cost her way more than I friend gave her
I told her even to expect equal return of gift from people
After the talk, she told me thanks

obadiah777: no holes in it. ask people around me. they think i am crazy. i dont tell anyone my birthday cuz i dont want you sending me anything. i like to keep a no strings attached kinda friendship with people. its liberating. you should try it

bigheart2013:

What's your location, and what are your job experiences? I can't communicate with you privately because that's not why I joined Nairaland, and since I'vent worked with u before may not give u references. But I can mentor you online on job search/ interview skills, and help put your CV in order to get interviews. That's where most young Nigerians get it wrong. God will see u through, bro. Don't give up. U can send to my inbox.

GentleMimi:
You get sisters,abi? Female cousins,nieces,female friends.....u go born female children,baah? Issokay.When thunder don fire all of them finish,we go begin fear for ourselves.But for now i fear for u b'cos thunder don dey come ur side oooooo!

tomtyte02:
Thanks dude. But i had d idea of buying a gift for him. He took it all up as if he owned or worked for d money. I tell you dere r better ways of asking for an appreciation. Not by askin a 10% pay off straight up. Its rather absurd.

lirusehn: YOU. For ur mind o

GentleMimi:
Werrin do my mind?

Kaylize76:

Too many holes in this ...Hello!

lirusehn: ur mind fit dey push u nhow abi?

bigheart2013: Sorry to bother good nairalander again with another thread back-to-back. Please help me solve this puzzle. Why is that each time someone helps most (not all) Nigeria woman it ends up either in a drama, scandal, enmity or chaos?

Here are some examples:

1. I opened this thread because a friend helped a Nigerian lady get a job in a big firm in Nigeria. The lady resumed without even calling to update him. When the man asked her why, she said she was grateful but added that God only used my friend to help her, it wasn't by his own doing. It could have still happened through another person. My friend was shocked at this type of 'Thank You'
2. A man in USA who used his financial records to file affidavit of support for her niece in Nig to relocate to USA made news when he ended up in court and nearly ended up in jail, when the girl turned around to sue him for not supporting her financially in USA.
3. Some Nigerian men (not all) who trained their wives in school are regretting it today, after the said wife graduated and either dumped them or became very unruly when they start working.
4. Some people who opened businesses for their sisters in Nigeria are regretting it today, as they ended up enemies and insulted.
5. Some who gave gifts to female friends in Nigeria always have one story of ungratefulness or the other. They complained that generally most Nigerian ladies have a mindset that they get what they get because they are attractive women, and generally men are 'mugus' who spend on women to get something in return.

My Questions:

1. What is the cause of this general feeling of ungratefulness, and how can we change the mindset of our sisters to start being grateful?
2. What is the best way to give a Nigerian lady a helping hand without attracting these types of ungratefulness, since some of us either still have females we are helping or intend to help?
3. How should one react when one's help is either misinterpreted or treated with ungratefulness, without ending it in drama or enmity?


Update 1, Nov 4, 2013: I wish we don't turn this into bashing of Nigerian women. I asked 3 specific questions to see how we can train the mind of some sisters to see the benefits of being grateful, to teach brothers how to give the right way, and how to handle disappointments when they come. I pray we focus on that to make this thread more constructive.

DailyNews: I am also a victim! I thank God for internet, men need to learn that the best set of people to help in life as a man is your fellow men. If u must help a woman, do it without any expectation and do it with your eyes wide open. Women see men as a ladder....and people don't always drag the ladder up after using the ladder to climb up. The world is indeed vanity!!! And people are just wicked, selfish and inconsiderate in this life, especially black people (Nigerian people)!

obadiah777: no holes in it. ask people around me. they think i am crazy. i dont tell anyone my birthday cuz i dont want you sending me anything. i like to keep a no strings attached kinda friendship with people. its liberating. you should try it

GentleMimi:
a
Are u lost or confused? If u've got a problem wif me,come outright and say it ooo.I no sabi u,abeg.I d'nt have time for grudges.So WHAT is ur problem?

lirusehn: now u knw me. Ba3 almst down. Lera

Area-Fada:
.

Spot on. Humans are generally ungrateful.

You see it among Naija women because you deal with them in your Naija environment or social circle.

Agreed Naija case is particularly bad.

Number 1 is lucky that the lady is not working in his company. Don't be surprised if she would somehow engineer his sack from that company.

I helped a Naija woman who was like 7 months pregnant when she arrived in Europe. You know some women 7 months pregnant can have small tummy like 5 months pregnancy.

When she delivered I was helping her with the authorities, birth registration, translating for her, being a non-English speaking country.
She later told the authorities that I was responsible for the pregnancy. Just because they put her under pressure to declare who the dad was to ensure he pays child support.

Nna, na so I see oyinbo officials land for my house to interview me.

A woman I just pitied, never knew her before, not my girlfriend. No be something o.

lirusehn: i wud rather u looked at wot fluency demands

I am a victim of this! I thank God for internet, men need to learn that the best set of people to help in life as a man is your fellow men. If u must help a woman, do it without any expectation and do it with your eyes wide open. Women see men as a ladder....and people don't always drag the ladder up after using the ladder to climb up. The world is indeed wicked & selfish!!! Both Nigerian men and women do exhibit this attitude of ungratefulness, but its more with Nigerian women. If u like attack or insult me, I am speaking from personal experiences and true life stories.

People are just wicked, selfish and inconsiderate in this life, especially black people (Nigerian people)!

Ngokafor: @op i think there's something seriously wrong with you,worse with touts that agreed with you..
...so being ungrateful has now been narrowed down to gender??...you guys really need to grow up and act your various old ages you idiots!....the fact that you are idle doesnt mean you should be stupid.
... you gave few examples and viam!, you and your cheerleaders(mostly kids incapable of wiping their a***s after pooing how much more helping anyone) concluded in your pea-brains that most Nigerian women are ungrateful...ill-mannered twats always quick to insult women and girls like they dont have mothers,sisters,aunts....

....however,i find solace in the fact that my brothers,father and my man are not n a way like most of you..that i am eternallly grateful for!

yerima11: I helped my gf secured accomodation while in school and I took some of my furnitures in my room and fix it in there for her. After some time, one fat Igbo guy start sleeping in the room with her and when I confront her, she said the guy is teaching her Anotomy 211 (lol). Later she dumped me and move on with the Igbo guy and the guy also, later dumped her very well. I locked up and loosed her.

Now I am serving, I helped one female corper secure space in a corper's lodge, pay her dues and then lock up totally. She never appreciated it and I pretended as if nothing is has happend btw us.

Women can be so so so ungrateful, because they feel they deserve all good things!

Michyeddy: I've learnt not to expect too much from people cos its in the human nature to forget good deeds done for them..but still,..i find it rather appalling to some attitudes of some ladies..i'm nt a feminist and so i'll say the truth the way it is..if only ladies can work to earn their cash,we won't be receiving the insults we get and if indeed we get favors by pipo who actually care,there's nothing wrong in saying thankyou and meaning it...ladies,we need to restore our dignity.

Most Nigerian women believe that any man that helps them is doing so for sex purpose or intimate reward and for this, they see it as their birthright not to appreciate any man that helps them.

DailyNews: For instance, in present day Nigeria, we have more young ladies working in good companies than young guys, and this owe tribute to some men who helped those ladies out of pity, romance, God or as a way of trying to empower women in Nigeria.

But ask yourself how many of these young ladies working in good companies have helped a young man still struggling to survive? Instead most of them are still busy searching for Goodluck to help them become minister.

How many young ladies in Nigeria from wealthy family backgrounds have helped a young man to become somebody either by helping him secure a job, get contract, business link, etc? I am sure very very few when compared to the number of guys who have helped ladies in Nigeria become rich and comfortable.

The problem is that our Nigerian women are naturally stingy, selfish, pompous and wicked, yes, including my own sisters. I do tell them too.

A young man earning 2million naira a year can sacrifice 1million for his siblings and parents and another 100thousand naira for his girlfriend, but a young Nigerian lady earning 5million naira a month will hardly or never sacrifice 100thousand naira for her siblings or parents to talk of her boyfriend or a man she doesn't know, only very few of them do it.

I ask again, how many Nigerian women do give men car lift even after church service?
Hardly can u see a Nigerian lady give a strange guy car lift, even if he's her church member or colleague...very rare and difficult for Nigerian women, why?

How many Nigerian women treat their maids like humans? Most carry their maids at the back seat of their car just to tell the whole world that she is a maid and not related to her.

So many things are wrong with our Nigerian sisters. And anytime I observe my mother try to exhibit any of those useless traits most Nigerian women exhibit, I don't waste time in cautioning her, including my sister....and I thank God my efforts and that of my other male siblings helped to shape my mother and sister well.

We guys need to take it as a task to educate and put our sisters, mother, aunts, girlfriends and wives to order if we must make a positive change in this becos from my years of observation, our Nigerian women are naturally wicked, selfish, and inconsiderate, especially towards men who aren't their lovers, and its very bad cos its causing men to treat them with disdain and dislike even when they act like they care.

Guys pls start counselling your sisters, mother, aunts, girlfriends and wives for good. Don't ignore...and don't just come only online to shout....also educate them at home, school, work (if possible), and at church. All men of God and religious leaders also have a key role to play in shaping the Nigerian women for good pls.