Idowuogbo:
Smh! U'll receive your healing IJN

hahahahahahaha......healing received

T3 @_@ Amo:
Maybe because the devil you know, is better than the angel you don't know. I am in a relationship and i trust my bf 95% but not 100%, because at times i have doubts or thoughts etc, he is a good guy at end of day so am not going to leave him because i do not trust him 100%.

Anyway if the man is a great giver himself and genuinely had need for assistance i would if i had, BUT not when he hardly ever gave me any, then suddenly coming to ask me for some, ONE GOOD TURN DESERVES ANOTHER U KNOW!

Most importantly On the issue of borrowing; don’t lend it to him if you know that you still need that money; it’s either you give him and forget about it, or you tell him you don’t have any money.

And finally avoid making it a habit of giving him money regularly because he might just turn you into his private bank

Her approach was wrong. She had legitimate concerns, especially since she went through bad experience before but she didn't handle this well. You are not comfortable giving 400k out. How much are you comfortable with? Let's say 50k. He knows you have the money, so come up with a 'Super Story' on how your funds are tied up and how you can only release 50k. Act the scene very well .... The bf goes away feeling you have tried your best, you have your chance to test him with the 50k. Everybody is happy

I can't believe all the readers suggesting that it is better to lie and come up with some excuse not to give him the money if the girl doesn't trust him. Abi did I miss the memo where lying in a relationship would also lead to loss of trust. Let's face it. I don't even trust myself all of the time because I am human. Why then would I have complete blind trust in a boyfriend, when he is not infallible. The world don change o. We hear too many stories of girls duping their boyfriends and vice versa. If she gives him the money, he dumps hers and takes off and she comes here with her story, na this same Nairalanders go abuse the babe for not being wise.
There is a fat line between a gift and a loan. If you are giving out a huge sum that you clearly want back, secure yourself jo. No need to do 'had I known' later. And as per the cost of suing him to recover your money, your suit better also ask him to cover all legal and court costs incase of a favourable judgment to avoid being shortchanged.

Ayee Idris: I can't believe all the readers suggesting that it is better to lie and come up with some excuse not to give him the money if the girl doesn't trust him. Abi did I miss the memo where lying in a relationship would also lead to loss of trust. Let's face it. I don't even trust myself all of the time because I am human. Why then would I have complete blind trust in a boyfriend, when he is not infallible. The world don change o. We hear too many stories of girls duping their boyfriends and vice versa. If she gives him the money, he dumps hers and takes off and she comes here with her story, na this same Nairalanders go abuse the babe for not being wise.
There is a fat line between a gift and a loan. If you are giving out a huge sum that you clearly want back, secure yourself jo. No need to do 'had I known' later. And as per the cost of suing him to recover your money, your suit better also ask him to cover all legal and court costs incase of a favourable judgment to avoid me shortchanged.

Will signing a document stop the guy from duping her if that was his intention?

@ freecocoa: Very very good. Watch 'Street Court' and see how ladies get scolded or lose xases for not getting IOU's. I have no problems signing or asking for a signed IOU before getting or lending money. It will lend credence to you if the matter gets to the police. Peace.

A-ZeD:

Will signing a document stop the guy from duping her if that was his intention?

It won't but will better her chances of recovering her money afer being duped.

Uyi Iredia:

It won't but will better her chances of recovering her money afer being duped.

Says who? Even banks get duped you know

Ayee Idris: I can't believe all the readers suggesting that it is better to lie and come up with some excuse not to give him the money if the girl doesn't trust him. Abi did I miss the memo where lying in a relationship would also lead to loss of trust. Let's face it. I don't even trust myself all of the time because I am human. Why then would I have complete blind trust in a boyfriend, when he is not infallible. The world don change o. We hear too many stories of girls duping their boyfriends and vice versa. If she gives him the money, he dumps hers and takes off and she comes here with her story, na this same Nairalanders go abuse the babe for not being wise.
There is a fat line between a gift and a loan. If you are giving out a huge sum that you clearly want back, secure yourself jo. No need to do 'had I known' later. And as per the cost of suing him to recover your money, your suit better also ask him to cover all legal and court costs incase of a favourable judgment to avoid me shortchanged.

How is she asking for a collateral being wise or 'securing' it with a contract wise?. You are dealing with a loved one here, not a business entity or a colleague at work whom you have no emotional/romantic feelings for. If he defaults as she suspects he would, it would merely be a pyrrhic victory if she manages to get her money back. The whole process to recover the money is not just worth it for that amount , coupled with the emotional trauma of betrayal and the stress involved.

The real wisdom is to not give the money out in this first place, or give out an amount you are comfortable with all of which still boils down to trust. Everything works on trust, forget all these talk about there is no trust again in this world. Big deals work on trust, the stock markets all work on trusts, Governments relate with each other based on trust. Politics, leadership...I could go on and on and on.

I am not naive at all I know about all the countless stories you talked about. I heard them too. But that's not the way to run your life. I most definitely don't want to be in a relationship where my gf doesn't completely trust me and vice versa.

Donxavier:

How is she asking for a collateral being wise or 'securing' it with a contract wise?. You are dealing with a loved one here, not a business entity or a colleague at work whom you have no emotional/romantic feelings for. If he defaults as she suspects he would, it would merely be a pyrrhic victory if she manages to get her money back. The whole process to recover the money is not just worth it for that amount , coupled with the emotional trauma of betrayal and the stress involved.

The real wisdom is to not give the money out in this first place, or give out an amount you are comfortable with all of which still boils down to trust. Everything works on trust, forget all these talk about there is no trust again in this world. Big deals work on trust, the stock markets all work on trusts, Governments relate with each other based on trust. Politics, leadership...I could go on and on and on.

I am not naive at all I know about all the countless stories you talked about. I heard them too. But that's not the way to run your life. I most definitely don't want to be in a relationship where my gf doesn't completely trust me and vice versa.

POW!!!!!! U on fire!! Gbam! Gbam! Gbamiaaaaano!!!!

Uyi Iredia: @ freecocoa: Very very good. Watch 'Street Court' and see how ladies get scolded or lose xases for not getting IOU's. I have no problems signing or asking for a signed IOU before getting or lending money. It will lend credence to you if the matter gets to the police. Peace.

This is exactly the need for an IOU.its a well known fact that sentiments can kill a business.Some people are advocating that she shud have lied to him about not having any money,to me I think that is even worst.This lady is just tryin to protect her financial interest.In this present Nigeria,400k is no joke!!Money get spirit wey dey follow am, so he shudnt be surprise.Nobody wants to play a game of lose.

didicold: Abeg op, dont mind Mr Aboki o, men like him wont tell u d truth, until its his sister.ur relationship wit ur parents is different, u av had years of building unconditional trust, so d whole father-loan thing doznt wash.if she doesnt feel comfy wit it ,dont loan without collateral. Personally, i wouldnt loan him even with d collateral(from personal experience). All d not picking calls and so on is what we call emotional blackmail, a real hustling guy who has d intention of paying back will probably sign d IOU,use d money, return it, den treat her Bleep-up (as he perceives it). Make she no gel give am d money like dat, one should be wary of such guys with such a huge sense of entitlement.

This is the most logical statement here. Straigth to the point - no BS.

If i were the guy, i would sign the IOU. Go out use the money, pay the girl on time. That very day, i pay you -- the relationship ends.

The very moment, she asked for the legal, she demonstrated what i call hiscupus muscupis - in other words , i get sense !

But, by the grace of God , my actions will teach her more about the old saying - cunny man die, cunny man bury am !

Okay update thingy, make people wey dey here dey speak english continue, as if anybody plucks money from trees that they should hand it out anyhow, ehen where was I?

So homegal came calling today, Boyfy came to meet her saying he loves her and still needs the money, truth is, he couldn't borrow from others cos they gave excuses bla bla bla and he doesn't want to go to the bank (interest issues and what not) the business he wants to invest the money in, is one of importing a container of electronics(there are others involved as well).

Their relationship is 5 months old, the dude is a teacher in a private secondary school(he's doing that but still on the lookout for something better, he has his Msc btw) and they don't live in the same cities.

Now she says she still maintains that he has to sign but he can forget about collateral, he is still forming "I don't believe you don't trust me" and says if she can't give him on trust levels then she should forget about it, my friend dey get double mind but I'm still telling her to stand her grounds.

P.S I didn't have all the details earlier(sorry).

Correct guy!

freecocoa: Okay update thingy, make people wey dey here dey speak english continue, as if anybody plucks money from trees that they should hand it out anyhow, ehen where was I?

So homegal came calling today, Boyfy came to meet her saying he loves her and still needs the money, truth is, he couldn't borrow from others cos they gave excuses bla bla bla and he doesn't want to go to the bank (interest issues and what not) the business he wants to invest the money in, is one of importing a container of electronics(there are others involved as well).

Their relationship is 5 months old, the dude is a teacher in a private secondary school(he's doing that but still on the lookout for something better, he has his Msc btw) and they don't live in the same cities.

Now she says she still maintains that he has to sign but he can forget about collateral, he is still forming "I don't believe you don't trust me" and says if she can't give him on trust levels then she should forget about it, my friend dey get double mind but I'm still telling her to stand her grounds.

P.S I didn't have all the details earlier(sorry).

this changes the entire formula.

1. He is teacher - what kinda of school . British American, Greensprings... ?
2. Are they in the same social class - personally , i dont date chicks above or below my social class....

If the guy teaches in one of those schools where they pay, 13K/month. She should ask for details of the business, a collateral wont be enough in this case.

There has to be proof of life' so to speak.

5 months?

Some people got big liver, eeehn

freecocoa: Okay update thingy, make people wey dey here dey speak english continue, as if anybody plucks money from trees that they should hand it out anyhow, ehen where was I?

So homegal came calling today, Boyfy came to meet her saying he loves her and still needs the money, truth is, he couldn't borrow from others cos they gave excuses bla bla bla and he doesn't want to go to the bank (interest issues and what not) the business he wants to invest the money in, is one of importing a container of electronics(there are others involved as well).

Their relationship is 5 months old, the dude is a teacher in a private secondary school(he's doing that but still on the lookout for something better, he has his Msc btw) and they don't live in the same cities.

Now she says she still maintains that he has to sign but he can forget about collateral, he is still forming "I don't believe you don't trust me" and says if she can't give him on trust levels then she should forget about it, my friend dey get double mind but I'm still telling her to stand her grounds.

P.S I didn't have all the details earlier(sorry).

Does your friend know his parents?

Donxavier:

How is she asking for a collateral being wise or 'securing' it with a contract wise?. You are dealing with a loved one here, not a business entity or a colleague at work whom you have no emotional/romantic feelings for. If he defaults as she suspects he would, it would merely be a pyrrhic victory if she manages to get her money back. The whole process to recover the money is not just worth it for that amount , coupled with the emotional trauma of betrayal and the stress involved.

The real wisdom is to not give the money out in this first place, or give out an amount you are comfortable with all of which still boils down to trust. Everything works on trust, forget all these talk about there is no trust again in this world. Big deals work on trust, the stock markets all work on trusts, Governments relate with each other based on trust. Politics, leadership...I could go on and on and on.

I am not naive at all I know about all the countless stories you talked about. I heard them too. But that's not the way to run your life. I most definitely don't want to be in a relationship where my gf doesn't completely trust me and vice versa.

My brother, business and love should not mix. Let's examine the options you gave. She refuses to give the money or gives him only a bit when he knows she has the whole sum.........it will still boil down to lack of trust but now stinginess and wickedness would be added to the table, cos the bros will still lament that[i] my babe has the money and she is refusing to give me or my babe has the full money but is being tight fisted with it.[/i] There is no action that he won't complain.

A lot of things work with trust, but not complete blind trust. Gone are those days where a man's word is his bond. Complete trust is reserved for God only. For man, trust with one eye open. There is a big difference between being unwilling to trust anyone and being cautious with your dealings with people that are not blood.

Free Cocoa since she is so intent on having some form of evidence can't she record the voice calls? there are a lot of apps available that record voice calls. She should drop this he must sign a contract thing abeg. The bobo can lie it's not his signature

Oga rotten-love, I don't know how much he earns o but I'm not sure its upto 40 or even 30k from what the lady told me.

As for social class, hmm the babe na big girl cos her family dey ok(not that she depends on them but still) and she works, she's a very humble girl in nature.

Bado just sharrapp joor, this girl lost close to 800k to an ex via "lend me", you come expect her to not shine eyes? I go wound you o.

Me thinks this guy wan use skills on her that's why he's still forming, nansense .

Donxavier:

Does your friend know his parents?

She doesn't know them o, she's only met a guy he said is his
cousin.

Ayee Idris:

My brother, business and love should not mix. Let's examine the options you gave. She refuses to give the money or gives him only a bit when he knows she has the whole sum.........it will still boil down to lack of trust but now stinginess and wickedness would be added to the table, cos the bros will still lament that[i] my babe has the money and she is refusing to give me or my babe has the full money but is being tight fisted with it.[/i] There is no action that he won't complain.

A lot of things work with trust, but not complete blind trust. Gone are those days where a man's word is his bond. Complete trust is reserved for God only. For man, trust with one eye open. There is a big difference between being unwilling to trust anyone and being cautious with your dealings with people that are not blood.

I understand you well. She should come up with a story on how the funds are tied up, since she doesn't trust him enough to loan that amount. Chikena.

@updated.O boy! Me I no go loan one naira even with collateral.If I get the tho,I fit just dash the amount wey I can bear.Different city you say?My mind no gree me.I gi dey fear Obi mmafu!!!

DonXavier, I don't know about recording calls jare, come to even think of it.

If you are a trustworthy person, why won't you just sign the damned IOU? and even if things don't turn out the way you planned, it would be more understandable than behaving as if there's some hidden agenda that makes signing an agreement a herculean task.

Agreeing to sign will make me trust you sef, its amazing how we all see things differently.

With the kind of person this girl is sef, if her boyfriend attempted to sign, she may have even asked him not to but the way he behaved just makes her doubt him all the more. 5 months is a short time to trust someone completely, is it even wise to trust anyone a 100%? I sure doubt that.

freecocoa: Oga rotten-love, I don't know how much he earns o but I'm not sure its upto 40 or even 30k from what the lady told me.

As for social class, hmm the babe na big girl cos her family dey ok(not that she depends on them but still) and she works, she's a very humble girl in nature.

Bado just sharrapp joor, this girl lost close to 800k to an ex via "lend me", you come expect her to not shine eyes? I go wound you o.

Me thinks this guy wan use skills on her that's why he's still forming, nansense .

I go blow u! Let d guy b abeg! If he vex dump d babe, then so b it.

lynpetra: @updated.O boy! Me I no go loan one naira even with collateral.If I get the tho,I fit just dash the amount wey I can bear.Different city you say?My mind no gree me.I gi dey fear Obi mmafu!!!

Lmao , no mind people jare.

I've since learned that its not wise to listen to what most people on NL say cos they are often very unrealistic, plus most of them live outside naija so they don't understand that things hard over here.

Na faceless forum na, so most people go like form one thing one thing.

^ I see ya indirect o!

1-0

freecocoa: DonXavier, I don't know about recording calls jare, come to even think of it.

If you are a trustworthy person, why won't you just sign the damned IOU? and even if things don't turn out the way you planned, it would be more understandable than behaving as if there's some hidden agenda that makes signing an agreement a herculean task.

Agreeing to sign will make me trust you sef, its amazing how we all see things differently.

With the kind of person this girl is sef, if her boyfriend attempted to sign, she may have even asked him not to but the way he behaved just makes her doubt him all the more. 5 months is a short time to trust someone completely, is it even wise to trust anyone a 100%? I sure doubt that.

Thing is the IOU gives you/ her confidence. But it's nothing if the guy is actually the devil in sheeps clothing. If she doubts him she just shouldn't give him. Simple as that. We already assume the bros wont pay, that's why I asked if she knew his parents or people that he listens too that could compel him to pay up incase of default. I agree 5 months is too short for that kind of confidence. She should give him any amount she's comfortable with or forget about it and not loan anything at all.

My whole point is the whole stress of recovering the money in the instance he defaults is too stressful for 400k IOU or No IOU. It's not worth it.

Donxavier:

Thing is the IOU gives you/ her confidence. But it's nothing if the guy is actually the devil in sheeps clothing. If she doubts him she just shouldn't give him. Simple as that. We already assume the bros wont pay, that's why I asked if she knew his parents or people that he listens too that could compel him to pay up incase of default. I agree 5 months is too short for that kind of confidence. She should give him any amount she's comfortable with or forget about it and not loan anything at all.

My whole point is the whole stress of recovering the money in the instance he defaults is too stressful for 400k IOU or No IOU. It's not worth it.

God bless you. If the guy doesn't have the intention of paying back, there is no amount of IOU he signs that will make him pay back.

Oh and for some that earns about 40K, what is she going to do with the IOU note because assuming the business fails, there is no way the guy will be able to pay back.

A-ZeD:

God bless you. If the guy doesn't have the intention of paying back, there is no amount of IOU he signs that will make him pay back.

Thanks

A-ZeD:
Oh and for some that earns about 40K, what is she going to do with the IOU note because assuming the business fails, there is no way the guy will be able to pay back.

Exactly.